Are men 'sexually fluid'?
June 29th, 2012
01:37 PM ET

Are men 'sexually fluid'?

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

In a new critically-acclaimed off-Broadway play, with a title too controversial for print, a gay man finds himself falling for a woman, which makes him - and his male partner - wonder whether he’s “really” gay after all.

Can a gay man who is sexually attracted to women still be gay? And what about straight men who get turned on by other men? Are men “sexually fluid”?

Female sexual fluidity - the capacity to move from romantic relationships with men to those with women, and vice versa - is well established, as I’ve previously discussed. Male sexual fluidity is less clear, yet it seems to be on the minds of many men and women. In fact, I’m often approached by women who are worried because they’ve caught their husbands or boyfriends looking at gay porn.

According to psychotherapist Joe Kort there are plenty of reasons why a straight man might be interested in gay porn—and most of them aren’t signs that he’s questioning his sexuality. Likewise, a gay guy might get turned on by straight porn, but that doesn’t make him straight.

“Many straight men are just curious about gay sex and how it works... or are turned on by gay male porn but have no desire to actually have sex with a man,” he explains.

In other cases, straight men may be just looking for an anatomy lesson.

“In our data, fewer than 2% of straight men searched for both gay porn and straight porn,” says neuroscientist Dr. Ogi Ogas, who, as coauthor of the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," analyzed a billion Internet searches and other sources of sexual data. “Yet straight men do search for images of penises - especially large penises - almost as often as they search for vaginas.”

So it’s possible that these men aren’t necessarily interested in sex with other men, but are simply comparing their own anatomy to that of other guys.

A man could also be looking for new fantasies: If he’s a heavy porn user, a straight man may peruse gay porn as his ability to become aroused by straight porn ebbs and his tolerance to sexual imagery increases. Some guys say they surf porn the way they surf TV channels, and what they stop on depends on their mood or the interest level of the content itself.

It’s this tendency to focus on sex acts themselves, rather than gender, that partly helps explain male sexual fluidity, says Kort.

“Straight men may go to Craigslist and get turned on by the descriptions of sexual acts with other men, but aren’t actually turned on by the men themselves,” he explains. “This is what separates ‘mostly’ straight men from gay men.”

One thing is clear, though: Society is a lot less accepting of male sexual fluidity.

Elisabeth Loyd, an affiliated faculty scholar at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction reports that many men themselves say they find their potential for sexual fluidity “very threatening.” And Kort tells me that he’s been criticized by some in the gay community for his view on male sexual fluidity because the concept of sexual fluidity implies that sexual orientation may be more a matter of choice than genetics.

Sadly, it seems that women are freer to explore sexual fluidity - either in fantasy or reality.

“Women have more permission to be sexually fluid, or even to just be physically loving and affectionate with female friends,” says Kort. “Men do not have these permissions without being labeled as forever ‘gay’.”

Indeed, we seem to feel the need to force men to define their sexuality as “gay” or “straight”. The results of a recent study in the journal Biological Psychology may help change that. The study demonstrated that some men who say they’re “bisexual” actually do get aroused by both men and women - a big change from an earlier study found no proof that male bisexuality exists.

And some research suggests that acceptance of both male and female sexual fluidity may increase with younger generations: According to Cornell University psychologist Ritch Savin-Williams more teenagers and young adults are avoiding such labels as “gay,” “lesbian” or “bisexual” altogether or are inventing new descriptions, such as “mostly straight.”

And living life, rather than focusing on labels, is a large part of what sexual fluidity is all about.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Ian Kerner.

soundoff (1,330 Responses)
  1. Dane Ferrao

    Somebody essentially lend a hand to make seriously posts I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I surprised with the research you made to create this particular submit extraordinary. Excellent task!


    January 28, 2021 at 22:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Altha Danesh

    Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to stop hackers?


    January 29, 2021 at 02:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. FhnhZisse

    sildenafil citrate prescription drugs from canada Bystolic https://canadianpharmacy-yy.com/ – Viagra Soft Tabs ’

    January 29, 2021 at 18:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. AhmdEncox

    online cialis reviews medicine online order resaonably priced cialis https://impotencecdny.com/ – Viagra Oral Jelly ’

    January 30, 2021 at 03:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. FmnfEncox

    cialis overnight shipping but cialis overnight delivery cialis 20mg usa https://impotencecdny.com/info/history.php – cialis for cheap ’

    January 30, 2021 at 06:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Roberto Sternod

    Special offer, dont miss out on the Bitcoin craze, learn how to make money now!


    January 30, 2021 at 11:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. KbbgMile

    viagra dominican resort Bystolic viagra black brand http://erectilejyzd.com/ – prescription without a doctor's prescription ’

    January 30, 2021 at 20:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Build Your Own Landing Pages

    Get Our Passive Income System – Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Run our Premium Unlimited Traffic Step 3: Setup your Paypal account. Then just sit back and relax while you watch your paypal account receiving payments during the whole day 100 in auto pilot. More info: https://www.k3reviews.com/2020/08/16/monster-mode-700k/


    January 30, 2021 at 20:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. NgscZisse

    generic viagra 200 cialis for women cheap viagra online pharmacy http://canadianpharmacy-yy.com/Fitness/how-to-get-a-six-pack.html – purchase viagra in india ’

    January 31, 2021 at 09:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Grady Wehbe

    This is a very interesting article. Please, share more like this!


    February 1, 2021 at 04:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. JbnbCrulk

    eye drop canada drugs online discount pharmacy online

    February 3, 2021 at 17:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. NncsZisse

    legitimate online pharmacies where to get free viagra female viagra wiki

    February 5, 2021 at 10:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. FqhhEncox

    canada pharmacy legitimate canadian mail order pharmacies pharmacy technician classes online free

    February 5, 2021 at 11:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. KbcxMile

    cheap drugs online cheap pharmacy online pharmacy uk

    February 5, 2021 at 19:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Ted Yule

    Earn 3000 a Month With Our Passive Income System


    February 6, 2021 at 09:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. AhkdEncox

    national pharmacies canadian pharmacy kingcanadian viagra aarp recommended canadian pharmacies

    February 6, 2021 at 12:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. AqcfTeneseelt

    cialis without prescription overnight online pharmacy cialis comparison cialis and dapoxetine tabs in usa

    February 6, 2021 at 19:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. JbbvEncox

    gastro health internet pharmacy legitimate online pharmacies

    February 8, 2021 at 01:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. FvfcZisse

    legitimate viagra suppliers viagra australian buying viagra in usa

    February 8, 2021 at 09:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Kuikseelt

    viagra with dapoxetine viagra 100 precription strength viagra

    February 8, 2021 at 20:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Ayesha Ammirati

    This was a great post. Thank you for sharing! https://cranberrytownshiplawnservice.tumblr.com/


    February 9, 2021 at 09:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. JbnvCrulk

    cash advance crystal lake il payday advance syracuse ny rcl finance inc payday loan

    February 10, 2021 at 15:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. FqbbEncox

    money start loans faq payday loan portsmouth ohio cash advance balance on credit card

    February 12, 2021 at 08:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. KvaxMile

    loanfinder taking money payday loans hereford tx citrus heights payday loans

    February 12, 2021 at 18:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Benny Dewalt

    Get Our Passive Income System – Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Setup your Paypal account. Step 3: Run our Unlimited Traffic System from 850 sources of traffic (Approximately 35000 views a day guaranteed). Then just wait and earn your income 100 on autopilot. More info: https://www.k3reviews.com/2020/08/16/monster-mode-700k/


    February 12, 2021 at 23:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. NbnhZisse

    cheapest viagra prices buy viagra generic online sildenafil online prices

    February 13, 2021 at 07:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. AbcfTeneseelt

    viagra greece dapoextine viagra viagra generic online

    February 13, 2021 at 15:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. LabxEncox

    cialis 0 02 how long does cialis stay in your bloodstream modo de usar cialis

    February 13, 2021 at 16:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. AhbzEncox

    cash loans alberta money loan online no job 700 advance cash loans

    February 13, 2021 at 18:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. resochin

    malaria drugs list chloroquine phosphate aralen anti-malaria drug chloroquine

    February 14, 2021 at 10:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. tadalafil 60 mg for sale

    tadalis 20 mg tadalafil 40 mg daily tadalafil drug class

    February 15, 2021 at 10:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. JbbnEncox

    sosa cialis cialis from us pharmacy cialis or viagra for women

    February 15, 2021 at 18:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. 1500 USA-Visitors-Daily

    1500 USA Visitors Daily For 30 Days From Niche Targeted Organic Traffic From Google: https://www.seoclerk.com/Traffic/840816/1500-USA-Visitors-Daily-For-30-Days-From-Niche-Targeted-Organic-Traffic-From-Google


    February 16, 2021 at 08:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. FbsgZisse

    generic cialis uk research cialis buy cialis withiut a prescription

    February 16, 2021 at 11:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Best-Social-Media-Services and-Traffic-2021

    High DA PA 50+ Do follow Forum Backlinks: https://www.seoclerk.com/Link-Building/836800/High-DA-PA-50-Do-follow-Forum-Backlinks


    February 16, 2021 at 19:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Kbbfseelt

    cost of viagra 50mg http://kloviagrli.com/ usa viagra

    February 17, 2021 at 18:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. ae casino

    488784 449589 warning Dont any of you men and women ever take me to CiCis pizza! There food looks offensive!|Urban_Elegance| 206774

    February 25, 2021 at 18:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. 먹튀검증커뮤니티

    What's Going down i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I've discovered
    It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads. I'm hoping to give a contribution & assist
    different users like its helped me. Great job.

    February 26, 2021 at 22:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. KndnMile

    what happens if a woman takes viagra viagra best buy viagra advertisement

    February 28, 2021 at 03:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. NbmoZisse

    where to buy cialis cheap http://buycialisxz.com/ cialis 20mg aus usa

    February 28, 2021 at 06:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. ClarkTauts

    nb8zp 26i19 1oq6

    March 1, 2021 at 18:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. FjjuZisse

    viagra review female viagra 2015 indian viagra

    March 2, 2021 at 23:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Kathi Dwight

    I've been absent for some time, but now I remember why I used to love this site. Thanks, I will try and check back more often. How frequently you update your site?


    March 4, 2021 at 09:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Brain Xander


    March 6, 2021 at 14:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. jarge Playmn

    Share this article please! It's very interesting: https://dro4ka.net

    March 10, 2021 at 05:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. jarge Playmn

    Как скачать видео с интернета? Ответ есть!


    March 12, 2021 at 09:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. crabs

    520621 98415Basically a smiling visitor here to share the enjoy (:, btw wonderful style and design . 815102

    March 15, 2021 at 13:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. JvbdCrulk

    https://essaywritera.com/ – service essay writing service essay writing cheap essay writing service us online essay writing service

    March 23, 2021 at 15:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. FbshEncox

    https://thesisacloud.com/ – writing a graduate thesis phd thesis database thesis express proquest thesis search

    March 23, 2021 at 21:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. jarge Playmn

    Порно Фильмы – Огромная онлайн коллекция с бесплатным порно видео и ежедневными обновлениеми на любой вкус. Русское, домашнее, секс видео зрелых, анал, красивые девушки, бдсм, видео молодых, жены, измены, сиськи и другие категории. Смотреть порно фильмы можно как на компьютере так и на мобильном телефоне!

    March 24, 2021 at 11:27 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

Leave a Reply to Sprinter Broken Flex Pipe Repair


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.