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June 29th, 2012
01:37 PM ET
Are men 'sexually fluid'?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
Can a gay man who is sexually attracted to women still be gay? And what about straight men who get turned on by other men? Are men “sexually fluid”? Female sexual fluidity - the capacity to move from romantic relationships with men to those with women, and vice versa - is well established, as I’ve previously discussed. Male sexual fluidity is less clear, yet it seems to be on the minds of many men and women. In fact, I’m often approached by women who are worried because they’ve caught their husbands or boyfriends looking at gay porn. “Many straight men are just curious about gay sex and how it works... or are turned on by gay male porn but have no desire to actually have sex with a man,” he explains. In other cases, straight men may be just looking for an anatomy lesson. “In our data, fewer than 2% of straight men searched for both gay porn and straight porn,” says neuroscientist Dr. Ogi Ogas, who, as coauthor of the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," analyzed a billion Internet searches and other sources of sexual data. “Yet straight men do search for images of penises - especially large penises - almost as often as they search for vaginas.” So it’s possible that these men aren’t necessarily interested in sex with other men, but are simply comparing their own anatomy to that of other guys. A man could also be looking for new fantasies: If he’s a heavy porn user, a straight man may peruse gay porn as his ability to become aroused by straight porn ebbs and his tolerance to sexual imagery increases. Some guys say they surf porn the way they surf TV channels, and what they stop on depends on their mood or the interest level of the content itself. It’s this tendency to focus on sex acts themselves, rather than gender, that partly helps explain male sexual fluidity, says Kort. “Straight men may go to Craigslist and get turned on by the descriptions of sexual acts with other men, but aren’t actually turned on by the men themselves,” he explains. “This is what separates ‘mostly’ straight men from gay men.” One thing is clear, though: Society is a lot less accepting of male sexual fluidity. Elisabeth Loyd, an affiliated faculty scholar at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction reports that many men themselves say they find their potential for sexual fluidity “very threatening.” And Kort tells me that he’s been criticized by some in the gay community for his view on male sexual fluidity because the concept of sexual fluidity implies that sexual orientation may be more a matter of choice than genetics. Sadly, it seems that women are freer to explore sexual fluidity - either in fantasy or reality. “Women have more permission to be sexually fluid, or even to just be physically loving and affectionate with female friends,” says Kort. “Men do not have these permissions without being labeled as forever ‘gay’.” Indeed, we seem to feel the need to force men to define their sexuality as “gay” or “straight”. The results of a recent study in the journal Biological Psychology may help change that. The study demonstrated that some men who say they’re “bisexual” actually do get aroused by both men and women - a big change from an earlier study found no proof that male bisexuality exists. And some research suggests that acceptance of both male and female sexual fluidity may increase with younger generations: According to Cornell University psychologist Ritch Savin-Williams more teenagers and young adults are avoiding such labels as “gay,” “lesbian” or “bisexual” altogether or are inventing new descriptions, such as “mostly straight.” And living life, rather than focusing on labels, is a large part of what sexual fluidity is all about. The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Ian Kerner. soundoff (1,330 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 Next »Leave a Reply to Ted Yule
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In a new critically-acclaimed 
Men and women are mostly interchangeable for sex. All these labels are just political posturing. Experts are wrong as always, because they keep asking people, instead of watching what they do. If you ask people, they will tell you what is politically correct. If you go to craigslist and meet some of the advertisers, you will see that most men seeking other men, and most women seeking other women, are straight.
No, if men are seeking men, or women are seeking women, then they're gay. Just because someone is married, that doesn't mean they're straight. I think you've been on Craig's list a little too often, if you know what I mean...
Way to do some scientific research.......Craigslist. Good God, you're a mo-ron.
CNN is el crappo
Comment that makes the most sense so far.
So why do you take the time to log on to CNN, read their articles and post comments to them?
why should someone else's choices disturb you enough to post a comment about its flawed logic?
Men really need to stop obsessing over measuring up. For pete's sake, love the one you're with and no, they don't care how big it is. They only care if you recognize your partner is more than just a hole for your johnson.
The only woman I know who went from having a de-facto marriage to another woman (including having children "together") to a "straight" relationship with a man was not a good example of this notion of se xual fluidity. She was a manipulative, attention seeking woman without deep commitment or anything in particular. I got the impression that she paired up with her female partner largely in order to jerk her family around and control her fawning partner. She left her girlfriend (broke her partner'smheart and hurt the children) for a man who had money and status the girlfriend didn't. She was an opportunist and a diva, and I think she would have paired up with an octopus if she saw benefit in it.
women are mercenaries...but i still enjoy their va g inas
OMG shut up you snib'ring ninnys
It's like when a Marxist-Leninist asserts private property rights. It can't happen.
I really don't get why we have to invent a term like "sexually fluid" when we already have the term "bisexual." Bisexual men and bisexual women DO exist, and they're more common than most people think. Folks really need to get over it.
You're correct, wife number two just liked sex or any thing that made her come. It was me who couldn't handle the variety. Another woman saying she love me in the heat of passion made me feel guilty and although I could do I couldn't be done to. 15 yrs later what morals remanded were still in the way and my side of the relationship was long gone, Some can, some can't but I wouldn't put a label on her.
How do you get to be a sex counselor and remain so ignorant (apparently) of the original Kinsey reports? (showing a range of male (and female) sexual response on a 10-point scale from gay to straight at the extremes and a broad distribution of the population studied)
Kinsey was flawed from the beginning. His populaition samples were largely prisoners who had s e x with other men in an opportunitic sense, not because they were curious.
Wrong Dan. You obviously are not familiar with Kinsey's research.
It's very important to a lot of xtians that Kinsey was wrong. "Dear God, please let Kinsey have been wrong all along." I don't know why that is.
Whatever!
After 10,000 years the question hasn't been answered and in another 10,000 years someone else will ask the same question. Personalities in men are different so are their sexual likes and dislikes and for most guys I believe that through their lifetime some or most guys are sexual fluid in their likes, fantasies but usually stay in their preferred sexual orientation. But in a dark sexual charged environment a warm moist hole works well for all fantasies.
There have been two online polls which inquired into the Kinsey scale of men. Both had only between 15%-20% saying they were totally straight and I would assume we would get the same answer here. However we have the CDC knocking on people's front doors, recording their names and locations and then asking them point blank in front of their entire household and suddenly we are suppose to believe 97% of men are not gay in any way.
As a female, I totally agree with you. Men are as "sexual fluid" as women. And why waste taxpayers money on issues such as these when are sexual preference is private.
Please tell me why it should be anyone' else's business if two adult males want to have sex? Do people wake up and say "gee, I don't have any of my own business to mind today so I'll just mind someone else's"?
I don't care if it's a man or a woman. If they give me an orgasm with a good tongue-flick, I'm happy.
And I'm sure with many men, if they get a good sucking, they're happy, regardless if it's a man or woman doing the sucking.
just love mycL!T sucked, that's all.
it would seem that kinsey's pioneering work still holds up. he proposed a scale of 0 to 6, 0 being totally straight and 6 being totally gay....and everybody else falling somewhere inbetween.
A gay friend once told me that men and woman are interchangable. The women just have two holes instead of just one for the guy!
Bisexual people simply assume most people are like them. It feels normal for them, so they assume it feels normal for everyone. Same gender se xual encounters are triviallly easy to attain since (even based on comments here) all that matters is procuring an orgasm. There's no tedious, expensive, time-consuming courtship rituals to go through before s ex like as in standard dating practices. They just hook up...literally within minutes of meeting each other. If most people were bis exual as some claim, you'd have same gender s ex being preferred because it's simply easier to have. But you don't see that. What you see is most people dating and coupling with the opposite gender. Sometimes they get married and have kids, but often they simply stay together. The reason is because most people are straight and have no se xual interest in the opposite gender. Sorry CNN, but your trying to convince otherwise simply doesn't convince and flies in the face of what everyone sees and experiences every day.
Uh-like straight people don't hook up in bars every night and sleep around? What planet are you from?
People who want to profess how gay sex just doesn't happen that much need to honestly ask themselves, when, if ever, has a good looking guy made it obvious he wanted to hook up? It is beyond lame guys who never get laid want to act as if they're experts on who is getting laid.
Obviously, the sock puppets know all! lol
"The reason is because most people are straight and have no se xual interest in the opposite gender." Wow. you are a genius. How did you ever figure that out. You should receive a Genius grant for your work. Also bears go in the woods and the Pope is Catholic.
This article is indicative of someone who is still paying off student loans and looking to advertise his name. He writes as if men and women are separate species with different accesses to emotions and biology.
I'm a straight bachelor who was taken back some years ago when I was propositioned by a new friend - a gay married pilot. Go figure.
I'm sure his wife has no clue. Poor girl.
I'm sure his wife likes having a good looking, successful man on her arm.
Yeah, if you consider Ted Haggard good lucking.
Her husband wasn't Ted Haggard.
A term now used is 'heteroflexible' meaning that in certain situations or with certain people a heterosexual is attracted to or in a sexual relationship with a person of the same gender while remaining primarily attracted to the opposite gender.
Love and attraction is more about being attracted to a persons' insides, rather than their external 'bits and pieces', color, culture, ect....
so...bisexual
As it should be. When you base your attraction in what's between the legs you're missing out on the best part of the person.
please stop with the bs. everyone knows gay se x is based on the most superficial of attractions.
The more you post the more you expose yourself to be totally clueless.
I knew a girl in college who was so heteroflexible she could bend over and kiss her own, never mind. I guess you had to be there, and I sure was. Now THAT was some sexual fluidity.
I'm straight and nothing but and I don't care what the gays or lesbians do as long as I don't have to look at it. I can't imagine having sexual desire for another woman. Makes me want to puke.
And I feel the same about you heteros. Quit shoving your lifestyle down everyone's face. You grope and climb all over eachother and make out in public with no shame. It is low class and offensive.
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A. ct ua lly, .it 's u.su a lly t.he g a_ yz a nd l e _z b ya nz w ho g o ou t of th eir w ay to m ake ov. e_rt dis_ pla ys of aff ec_tion in p.u_ b lic, a s if to sh_ov e th_ eir lifes_t yle in to t he fa. .ce_s of d ec_ ent, str _ai ght so_ cie ty. It 's an ag _gre. ss ive and c hi_l.d.i sh at ti.tu_ de...so t_ ypi .cal of y o.ur co.m _munity. "Ac. ti ng_ u p" to d.ay?
@censorship: yeah right.. You sound pretty naive and myopic to boot
Censorhead, you are incomprehensible. Stop cursing and censors will allow your post. A.nd S top bei ng.such.a.FATHEAD _thanx_
As a guy, there's nothing about the male form or mind I find attractive. Not even a little bit. Zero.
And I strongly suspect that no gay guy would find you attractive either.
Maybe you're transgender.
Or just ugly.
That's always their tactic when you make them all pi ssy when you don't desire them...they claim that you must be ugly and just a stupid breeder, etc. Too funny. Getting their little boy panties in a ruffle is always a hoot!
Poor censorship is insecure about his masculinity. Apparently he has trouble getting dates. Cheer up–I'm sure there is someone even for you
Obviously me and GrowUp have come into contact with the men who insist either they would never have gay sex or every gay guy wants them. They are always the last guy any gay guy would ever want to hook up with.
Yep. They are the out of shape, overweight, uneducated and tasteless boors.
Pretty warped to so despise your own body.
Censorship really knows how to hit nerves in the gay psyche. Just look at how they all circle the wagons and attack! So entertaining! 🙂
I can tell you as a gay man, that most (80%) of the men I have had sex with in the last 20 years are married with children who say they love their wives. They can foreplay for hours, and are mostly bottom guys. Very anal. Many want to be sex partners on a weekly basis. Thats my experiance.
Thanks for all the graphic detail...very pertinent. You left out the part about them:
1) lying to their wives
2) cheating on their wives
3) putting their wives (and any future children) at risk
You are a class act, sir.
@censorship:
You left put the part about
1. Abortions as a form of birth control
2. Cheating on wives with other women
3. Unwanted kids who know it and become problem adults for the rest of us to deal with
4. Divorce rate of over 50%
5. Single parent households because dear old Dad took off and couldnt be bothered
6. Parentswho continue to pop out babies they can't afford so the rest of us can support them
7. And the list goes on and on
Classy folk you are
And about 80% of the guys I used to hook up with would claim up and down they're straight.
We need to call you Mr. 80% because that's always the stat you cite. I'm sure you are well-versed in the scientific method. I guess 80% of the gay men you help cheat on their clueless wives are in the closet, nothing more. That says nothing about straight men. You will never have sex with a straight man and never have. Anyone can call themselves anything. A straight man, by definition, isn't interested in your body.
Since when did I say I hooked up with a married person. I try to follow the Ten Commandments and, btw, Thou Shall Not Be Gay isn't one of them.
Btw I have popped more than one man's cherry. You my friend are such a closet case. Bitter to the world that you don't have the balls to fess up to it.
Censorship, just ask for his phone number, ok?We all know what you're doing.
Ya...gay prn is totally out unless it involves two or more women....i have no interest in dk unless its plastic or mine.
we can attribute this "sexual fluidity" to the plastics in our water that have an adverse effect on our hormones.
Wow...it sure took a lot of effort to get past the CNN gestapo filters on that one...thank you, censorship storm troopers!
I am a gay man, and I cannot even begin to recount how many "favors" I've done for my male heterosexual friends in committed relationships and marriages as well as single male friends. It's normal for straight men to want to experience and I am happy to share it with them. Thats what friends are for. A brother helping a brother out. That does not mean they are gay. ALL men have needs and sadly, some women don;t appreciate all of that the way some men don't appreciate what women need and don't always get. A gay dude understands. We are better than girlfriends. You dont have to call me back, take me to dinner, pay me compliments. No complications!
nothing more entertaining than watching a gay guy hang himself with his own words.
society doesn't respect you. deal with it.
Ladies, you have a civic duty to find out if you are being cheated on by your closeted husband. Don't think it's impossible and that you "know" your husband. Chances are, you have no idea about what he's doing. Once you out him, make sure you lawyer up and take him to the cleaners. Get full custody of your kids too.
You sound like a woman whose husband dumped her for a man. Bitter?
If that were true, wouldn't a normal man feel sympathy for "her?" But you're not a normal man. You are a gay man who's only ethic is stimulating his genitals without thought to consequence.
Oh, and don't forget that Jerry Sandusky was married for over 40 years. Don't expect your gay husband to be honest. You'll need to find out in your own way. Good luck and enjoy the payday.
So you don't know the difference between a 10yo boy and a 30yo man? The rest of us do. When you can't differentiate having sex with a boy versus a grown man then the rest of your argument becomes just as benign.
I know the difference between a heterose xual husband who enjoys s ex with his opposite gender wife and a closeted hom ose xual husband who's attracted to the same gender.
Isn't there a popular gay term called, "tw ink?" Do you really want to go there?
Hmmm. Funny that I haven't heard one peep about Sandusky having sex with men. Simple lesson for you censorship–read slowly, concentrate hard and study this several times and you may be able to grasp a simple fact: Men who have sex with men are gay. Men who have sex with kids are pedophiles.
Pedophiles are primarily straight men. Does that mean all straight men ate pedophiles? Of course not. That, btw, is known as critical analysis and logical thought. Big words for you I know but you can do it.
Wow, you are totally f'd in the head. Sandusky was molesting little boys so you obviously don't know the difference. And LMFAO, thank you for exposing yourself for the self loathing gay man you so obviously are. Real straight men don't have a clue to what a twinkle is and, btw, they are NOT 10yo boys.
Twink?? Hahahahaha! You have no clue censorship. A "twink" is a grown man. LOLOL!
i'm sure sandusky had plenty of gay s ex with men along the way...but who's going to step forward and admit it now. obviously, he had sex with his wife at some point...why not with gay men too? lots of gay men will take whatever opportunity they can find.
and there's lots of straight guys who have heard about your gay terminology and practices. especially anyone who lives in a major city...maybe the dudes out in rural arkansas haven't but your cultural practices are pretty well known to the educated.
Give up dude. You are so out classed.
twinks are coveted for their hairless, slender, boy-like physical features. the fact that they may be of legal age doesn't negate the fact that the se xual attraction is based on perceived prepubescent male body features.
And there you go... There isn't one single indication Sandusky slept with any grown man. And, no, straight men don't know gay lingo like you do. You're just another self loathing gay man.
http://pastebin.com/5MiSecxb
Censorship, you are so obviously Rick Santorum. Go ahead and come out of the closet. You are the world's greatest expert on gay men already, now tell us how and why you learned so much.
Stop marrying us when you know you are gay, then you diddle the sons we give you and make them gay. Stop this madness!
It's funny how gay men criticize straight guys for being disgusted by a male body in a se xual context, yet it's common knowledge how revolted gay men are by a woman's va gina. Really, it's not all that scary guys. That's why 99% of pr0n showcases it...and not your hairy butt holes.
Thanks for the crude and graphic post. You are one class act dude.
Grade A Closet Case. Hey, why don't you figure out that those vids also feature men and then contemplate how there are far more gay vids then lesbian vids out there.
massive gay butt hurt detected. i win the internet.
"yet it's common knowledge how revolted gay men are by a woman's va gina." Really? I bet you know this for a fact! Tell us more about your mating calls and plumage, oh expert. Does it matter which ear you pierce? How about that wide-stance foot-shuffling thing you do in the men's room?
So many sock puppets on parade here. It's like shooting fish in a barrel! Are you gays crying in your hankies that much? 🙂 🙂 🙂
@Michael: I kinda feel sorry for censorship. He is so out of his league.
You have to feel sorry for a person who has nothing better to do then troll cnn blogs.
case in point
Bored with censorship. He is no match so not worth any more time.
I am too worth your time! I could be your new best friend and we'd hold hands and stuff and go places together 'cause I'm NOT gay, really. Really not. I saw a woman naked once on tv.
Yeah, yeah, it's true...and I love to felch twinks and get peed on by bears and service closeted married men at the glory hole. Good times.
If a gay guy like banging women too then he's bI,Not fluid.There are gay guys, bi guys and straight guys. A straight guy that goes gay later in his life was always gay he just tried to pretend he wasn't. There are lots of reasons a person would hide it and then change their minds later in life when they are more mature and more self confident. This article its garbage in claiming everyone is a little gay.
Yes, hombre, we all know you nor any other guy who wants to profess how not gay they are have never, for example, cli maxed at the sight of another guy cli maxing in a vid. I mean if that was the case they would have to call it the money shot or something.
Dudes are gross. I don't even know why chicks sleep with us.
You need a higher class group of friends.
"I don't even know why chicks sleep with us." It's because we are so persistent, and we buy them a lot of drinks.
We don't know why we sleep with you either. Did you really think our actions were governed by logic?
How many straight men have had a least one man to man sex experiance growing up? Most men have some same sex experiance as teens or else where. Will never admit it.
Thats the answer I'd like to know. It'd be an interesting percentage especially when Is taken into consideration the guys who haven't are the ones who noone has ever propositioned.
michael, i thought it's always 80%, no exceptions.
Here, why don't we try this... Put down your no Kinsey number... 0=gay, 1&2=mostly gay, 3=bi, 4&5=mostly str8, 6=str8. It should be obvious when we have closet cases, like "censorship" using bogus names to run up the tally...
I totally got that backwards... 6=gay, 0=str8... Maybe u should verify if you reply... Btw, a #1 could mean you never have but you have entertained the thought once.
4 – mostly gay myself but I have a saying... There are a 100 reasons for a mostly straight guy to go gay and maybe only one for a gay guy to go straight. (Ie, I wouldn't mind having a kid with a woman someday...)
What does censorship put for asexual?
Closet cases aren't asexual... He is gay, gay, gay...
Sounds too ugly to me to be gay–and he's not the brightest bulb either. Must be a wannabe.
sock puppet much?
A pervert is a pervert is a pervert, you don't need to talk all this rubbish. God hates all of them, and they are perverts because God hates them, NOT because THEY hate GOD.
Go back to sitting on the toilet and reading your NRA quarterly in your Mom's basement.
I thought gay men liked phallic objects?
@Marine: do you?
If you think God hates anyone then you have no clue to Who God is.
"they are perverts because God hates them, NOT because THEY hate GOD" Wow, you really put a lot of thought into that! So, if God makes you a pervert because He hates YOU, then wouldn't you end up hating him in the end? I mean, here you are being a pervert just because God didn't like your shirt or something, and maybe you don't even want to be one, it's natural you'd feel some resentment for the Big Pouf upstairs, right?
Straight male here who only gets turned on by and has sex with other men, so yes, its possible.
100% gay male here who only gets turned on by and has sex with women, so yes, it's possible.
I am laughing at you both. You should meet each other.
The article is a START. Male sexual fluidity is actually THE BIG WHITE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM....that many MEN dont want OTHERS TO KNOW ABOUT. Speaking from a San Francisco Bay Area perspective, I see it all the time. Not all "straight men" are ...straight. There are many ...quietly BI SEXUAL and "Same Gender Loving" Men who do not want to identify as Gay or as any label.... It is an interesting phenonmenon...especially in the Black and Latino communities
It's all semantics. We are making a false distinction between gay and straight. Straight is straight and gay is gay and bi is bi. You can't use the word, "straight" when you are actually talking about someone who's bi...or a gay guy who's simply in the closet. Gays can't seem to understand the English language.
"a false distinction between gay and straight"? And where did you learn English?
GrowUp, where did you? There's nothing wrong with what you quoted.
Most of my gay friends admit they were molested during childhood. Usually a family member. I sometimes wonder if that contributed to their preferences in adulthood.
Liar.
And how many people that have been molested, have remained straight?
So all the girls who have been molested by men are lesbians?
Girls molested by their mothers are usually lesbian or bisexual. The urge to procreate is strong.
I had no idea Wolf Blitzer was such a raging Zionist!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0KDAeQYNDg
this issue is multifacted and has many facets. I am not one to pass judgment but I don't think the first stone should be thrown by someone who is more or less innocent or guilty. Come on , face it. We are all in this together and together we are in this all alone so, get with the program. Donate at the office and give at home, but not more than is adequate and prudent.
I don't know that I agree with what I just said.
I do not believe men are sexually fluid in the same way that women are. I know gay men who have had sex with women and straight men who have experimented with other men. But when I ask men about their sexually fantasies I receive two distinct responses. From every single gay man, the immediate response is that he only fantasizes about other men (even gay men who claim that they are bisexual the response is the same). From every singe straight man, the immediate response is that he only fantasizes about women (even straight men who claim that they are bisexual). I have never, ever had a man tell me that he has sexual fantasies about both men and women.
And who are you? Why are you asking guys about their fantasies and why would they be honest to you? I smell a rat.
I smell a perv. Why are you taking such "surveys"?
"I have never, ever had a man tell me that he has sexual fantasies about both men and women." I'd finish my drink and leave before he got very far with that story anyway. Dude, you are wayyyy too curious.
I believe that everyone is bisexual to a degree. Men have more bisexual tendencies then society will ever let them admit, when the subject is less taboo, this information will come out. Dallying with the same sex doesn't make one "gay". It is just that, dallying.
"I believe that everyone is bisexual to a degree. " I could cure you of thinking that.
I'm so straight that if I were a woman, I'd almost certainly be a lesbian.
I'm so straight I'd pat your fanny.
A lot of people o here claimig that "all" men like to be flirted with by other dudes. I am mostly gay in orientation and when I get caught checking out some guy, almost all seem genuinely uncomfortable when they realize I am attracted to them. I think a lot of you are overstating your case. Sorry to burst your bubble, MIchael, et al, but most of the guys we think are cute, really don't want anything to do with us. Just accept it. They are not required to accept you.
I can feel you looking at my butt. Stop it!
Your "flirting" must be base.
It may just be you and not gay guys in general.
Gay guys can't stand to be corrected. It throws them into a violent rage!
"Gay guys can't stand to be corrected. It throws them into a violent rage!" Sorry for correcting you, buddy. Don't hit me.
I though most hot guys WERE gay. so not sure the point of your statement
"MOSTLY" Gay? C'mon!
With response to Halunke, I've actually flirted with many straight men only to have them reciprocate in a way that may not seem gay per se, but more in a way of a warmth and affection sort of manner indicative of a smooth and debonair kind of daddy. Perhaps it boils down to the way we flirt as gay men. Is it overtly aggressive and sexual? Or is it more subdued, subtle, and/or coy? Just a thought.
You stop looking at my butt, too. All you guys stop. I can feel you looking.
I agree. I have flirted lightly with numerous "hetero" guys and they love it – and if they are comfortable enough with themselves they have done it right back. I am just not overt about it. I would not want a flirty woman putting her hand on my ass, and I assume that a bi guy who identifies as mainly hetero would not want a guy putting a hand on his ass, either. Just common sense. Most of the "hetero" guys I flirt with know I am gay and yet they still respond well and enjoy it because I do it respectfully or do not cross boundaries. And clearly they have to have a sense of humor. I would not want to flirt with a guy who is either humorless or threatened by it. Flirting is supposed to be fun.
Gay guy here. I don't flirt with men who indicate they are straight. I am not coy or precocious; I flirt with men to determine if there is mutual interest in sex. "Fun Flirting" – just to see; is for cartoon gays; the BFF to girls; the poof.