home
RSS
Are men 'sexually fluid'?
June 29th, 2012
01:37 PM ET

Are men 'sexually fluid'?

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

In a new critically-acclaimed off-Broadway play, with a title too controversial for print, a gay man finds himself falling for a woman, which makes him - and his male partner - wonder whether he’s “really” gay after all.

Can a gay man who is sexually attracted to women still be gay? And what about straight men who get turned on by other men? Are men “sexually fluid”?

Female sexual fluidity - the capacity to move from romantic relationships with men to those with women, and vice versa - is well established, as I’ve previously discussed. Male sexual fluidity is less clear, yet it seems to be on the minds of many men and women. In fact, I’m often approached by women who are worried because they’ve caught their husbands or boyfriends looking at gay porn.

According to psychotherapist Joe Kort there are plenty of reasons why a straight man might be interested in gay porn—and most of them aren’t signs that he’s questioning his sexuality. Likewise, a gay guy might get turned on by straight porn, but that doesn’t make him straight.

“Many straight men are just curious about gay sex and how it works... or are turned on by gay male porn but have no desire to actually have sex with a man,” he explains.

In other cases, straight men may be just looking for an anatomy lesson.

“In our data, fewer than 2% of straight men searched for both gay porn and straight porn,” says neuroscientist Dr. Ogi Ogas, who, as coauthor of the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts," analyzed a billion Internet searches and other sources of sexual data. “Yet straight men do search for images of penises - especially large penises - almost as often as they search for vaginas.”

So it’s possible that these men aren’t necessarily interested in sex with other men, but are simply comparing their own anatomy to that of other guys.

A man could also be looking for new fantasies: If he’s a heavy porn user, a straight man may peruse gay porn as his ability to become aroused by straight porn ebbs and his tolerance to sexual imagery increases. Some guys say they surf porn the way they surf TV channels, and what they stop on depends on their mood or the interest level of the content itself.

It’s this tendency to focus on sex acts themselves, rather than gender, that partly helps explain male sexual fluidity, says Kort.

“Straight men may go to Craigslist and get turned on by the descriptions of sexual acts with other men, but aren’t actually turned on by the men themselves,” he explains. “This is what separates ‘mostly’ straight men from gay men.”

One thing is clear, though: Society is a lot less accepting of male sexual fluidity.

Elisabeth Loyd, an affiliated faculty scholar at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction reports that many men themselves say they find their potential for sexual fluidity “very threatening.” And Kort tells me that he’s been criticized by some in the gay community for his view on male sexual fluidity because the concept of sexual fluidity implies that sexual orientation may be more a matter of choice than genetics.

Sadly, it seems that women are freer to explore sexual fluidity - either in fantasy or reality.

“Women have more permission to be sexually fluid, or even to just be physically loving and affectionate with female friends,” says Kort. “Men do not have these permissions without being labeled as forever ‘gay’.”

Indeed, we seem to feel the need to force men to define their sexuality as “gay” or “straight”. The results of a recent study in the journal Biological Psychology may help change that. The study demonstrated that some men who say they’re “bisexual” actually do get aroused by both men and women - a big change from an earlier study found no proof that male bisexuality exists.

And some research suggests that acceptance of both male and female sexual fluidity may increase with younger generations: According to Cornell University psychologist Ritch Savin-Williams more teenagers and young adults are avoiding such labels as “gay,” “lesbian” or “bisexual” altogether or are inventing new descriptions, such as “mostly straight.”

And living life, rather than focusing on labels, is a large part of what sexual fluidity is all about.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Ian Kerner.


soundoff (1,174 Responses)
  1. Camper Repair Places Near Me

    http://www.dmca.com/Protection/Status.aspx?ID=edc817fd-d796-4c84-abb8-d1cb5b2e3719&refurl=http://www.diplingpaedmediatorreiter.eu/index.php?option=com_phocaguestbook&view=phocaguestbook&id=1&Itemid=4&limitstart=5920

    June 16, 2021 at 01:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Nearby RV Repairs

    When I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is a means you are able to remove me from that service? Kudos!

    https://2ch-ranking.net/redirect.php?url=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-glendale-california/

    June 16, 2021 at 09:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Sprinter Repair Orange County

    http://www.drugoffice.gov.hk/gb/unigb/www.bonus-books.com/digital-marketing-agency-near-me-36/

    June 16, 2021 at 10:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. bj's near me

    Wonderful article! We are linking to this particularly great content on our site. Keep up the great writing.

    http://www.selfstorageassociation.org/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/

    June 16, 2021 at 18:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. gamestop near me

    https://kenangainvestors.com.my/kib/kib.application.web/kibfundsdefault/NewsArticleContent.aspx?id=42&section=3&url=http://www.ocrvcenter.com

    June 16, 2021 at 18:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. party city near me

    Spot on with this write-up, I seriously feel this site needs a lot more attention. Iíll probably be returning to read more, thanks for the information!

    http://www.getwetstaydry.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com

    June 16, 2021 at 18:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. car wash near me

    Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Many thanks, However I am having troubles with your RSS. I donít know the reason why I cannot subscribe to it. Is there anybody else getting the same RSS problems? Anybody who knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanks!!

    https://www.yabby.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com

    June 16, 2021 at 19:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. motel 6 near me

    https://www.servicesmt.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://www.ocrvcenter.com

    June 16, 2021 at 20:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. advance auto parts near me

    http://wapp.baidu.com/mo/q/checkurl?url=https://ocrvcenter.com/&referer=wapp.baidu.com

    June 16, 2021 at 21:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. RV Repairs Nearby

    This is a topic that's near to my heart... Thank you! Exactly where are your contact details though?

    https://local.google.com.br/url?q=https://curseforge.com

    June 17, 2021 at 02:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. RV Repair Shops Nearby

    You need to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality blogs on the net. I will recommend this blog!

    http://234ww.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://ocrvcenter.com/stake-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me/

    June 17, 2021 at 02:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. small engine repair near me

    http://www.chrisolson.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvcenter.com/

    June 17, 2021 at 03:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. printers near me

    https://www.ww17.wayfaring.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/

    June 17, 2021 at 03:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. zaxby's near me

    Hi, I do believe this is a great website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to revisit yet again since I book marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide others.

    http://e-aacpmas.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://www.ocrvcenter.com

    June 17, 2021 at 04:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. RV Repair Seal Beach

    Greetings, I do think your blog could possibly be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other than that, great blog!

    http://www.jdsc.com.cn/adSystem/adsview/?action=click&area=pageright2&id=97&url=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-la-palma-california/

    June 17, 2021 at 05:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa

    Everything is very open with a precise description of the issues. It was truly informative. Your site is useful. Thank you for sharing!

    https://linkytools.com/basic_link_entry_form.aspx?link=entered&returnurl=ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-south-gate-california/

    June 17, 2021 at 08:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. RV Repair Orange County

    https://arakhne.org/redirect.php?url=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-woodland-hills-california

    June 17, 2021 at 11:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. tire shop near me

    https://www.procolleges.com/college_search/go.php?url=https://quotenearme.com

    June 17, 2021 at 18:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. daycares near me

    http://www.championfg.ws/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=wholesalenearme.com/

    June 17, 2021 at 20:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. martial arts near me

    http://www.opsexchange.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=masternearme.com/

    June 17, 2021 at 23:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. safeway near me

    The very next time I read a blog, Hopefully it doesn't fail me just as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually believed you would probably have something helpful to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something you could possibly fix if you weren't too busy looking for attention.

    http://www.hotuna.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bestlocalnearme.com/

    June 18, 2021 at 08:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Camper Repair Places Near Me

    Hello there! This blog post couldnít be written much better! Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept talking about this. I am going to forward this information to him. Pretty sure he'll have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

    https://yellowpages.oakridger.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-bedroom-repair-near-me

    June 18, 2021 at 11:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. RV Repair Near My Location

    Greetings! Very useful advice within this post! It is the little changes that will make the most significant changes. Thanks for sharing!

    http://www.funny-games.ws/myspace.php?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-remodel-near-me/

    June 18, 2021 at 14:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Nearby RV Repairs

    Hi, I do believe this is an excellent web site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I may come back yet again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

    https://directory.hawaiitribune-herald.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.pro/commercial-vehicle-collision-repair-shop-near-me/

    June 18, 2021 at 14:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Sprinter Repair Orange County

    Iím amazed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog thatís both equally educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you've hit the nail on the head. The problem is something which not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I found this during my hunt for something regarding this.

    http://freedback.com/thank_you.php?u=www.theocrv.com/garbage-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me/

    June 18, 2021 at 20:55 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Leave a Reply to LhdvZisse


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.