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June 14th, 2012
08:46 AM ET
Every woman needs a 'gaggle' of menIan Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
That was then, this is now - it’s a post-dating world you’re living in, and that means you have to shed your one-to-one mind-set and start thinking in terms of one to many. In other words? Stop searching for Mr. Right and look around at all the Mr Right(s). According to Massa and Wiegand, every woman - single or not - should have her own gaggle, a group of guys that occupy different roles in her life. “You probably have a gaggle of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” explains Massa. “You might call one friend to go shopping versus another friend when you’re upset versus another friend when you need a serious professional opinion. Your romantic gaggle is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.” The men in this gaggle can include anyone from the barista you flirt with, to the ex-boyfriend you Skype, to the work buddy you commiserate with over lunch. Whether you end up dating one or more of them is just an added bonus. “As a woman, having a gaggle provides you with a love life full of possibility: you have many men in your life, in many ambiguous but enriching ways, who are all teaching you about yourself and your needs and desires and leading you closer to the guy and relationship you want,” say Massa and Wiegand. Terri Trespicio, a New York-based dating and relationship coach who is single herself, exuberantly extols the “uncoupled state” and takes things a step further: If you’re happily single but enjoy dating, she recommends seeing three different men regularly. “When you date just one guy, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” she says. “If you see two men, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three guys tend to balance each other out, like a tripod.” Like the “Gaggle," these three men can fulfill different needs - maybe you like to see movies with one, travel with another and cuddle with a third - which removes the burden of one man to fill all those slots. “This can also help you worry less about whether or not someone is your ‘match’,” says Trespicio, “and shifts your focus to the sheer joy of connecting with other people.” Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your gaggle may well include ex-boyfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a cuddle-guy. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates - and practice safe sex - there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person. Just as different people can serve different roles outside of bed, so too, can they satisfy different needs between the sheets. In their groundbreaking book, "The Ethical Slut," Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy describe the ways in which single women (and men) can juggle multiple sexual partners and enjoy intimacy safely and “ethically." Marriage is wonderful for many, but it’s not the right choice for everyone. Whether you’re sexually intimate with more than one person or simply enjoying a variety of friendships and dates, one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number. Say Massa and Wiegand: “We are living in a post-dating world because traditional dating is no longer the most common path that people are following to romantically connect and fall in love. And the more that women judge themselves and their relationships by traditional dating standards that no longer exist, the more they are going to feel an unnecessary despair and confusion and hold themselves back from finding love in this new romantic landscape.” So go forth and gaggle! soundoff (1,429 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Next »Leave a Reply to Mike
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Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
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If you’re a single woman and you’re looking for love, forget about “The Rules” and stop worrying that “He’s just not that into you.” 
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EMAIL on:: balbosasolutionhome@gmail.com
WHATSAPP AND CALL: +1(206) 485-3691
WHAT A MIRACLE...No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m writing would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker)whom DR BALBOSA have helped in getting back her ex..she also told me that DR BALBOSA is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person and also like a father to her...My name is Meyers Brown and I am from the USA... My love life was in shambles, I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he broke up with me again. I was confused and did not know what to do again, so i got in contact with DR BALBOSA. He did a love spell that made my husband come back to me and this time my husband came back with so much love,It was one of the best things I have ever done i am the happiest woman on earth and I am filled with so much joy and happiness because my marriage is saved. we are now very much happy with ourselves. DR BALBOSA is for REAL and for good. He can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back in just 48 hours! It was a miracle. we’re doing very well in our love life...if you have a similar issue don't hesitate to contact him on his
WEBSITE: https://balbosasolutionhome.com
EMAIL on:: balbosasolutionhome@gmail.com
WHATSAPP AND CALL: +1(206) 485-3691
WHAT A MIRACLE...No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m writing would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker)whom DR BALBOSA have helped in getting back her ex..she also told me that DR BALBOSA is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person and also like a father to her...My name is Meyers Brown and I am from the USA... My love life was in shambles, I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he broke up with me again. I was confused and did not know what to do again, so i got in contact with DR BALBOSA. He did a love spell that made my husband come back to me and this time my husband came back with so much love,It was one of the best things I have ever done i am the happiest woman on earth and I am filled with so much joy and happiness because my marriage is saved. we are now very much happy with ourselves. DR BALBOSA is for REAL and for good. He can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back in just 48 hours! It was a miracle. we’re doing very well in our love life...if you have a similar issue don't hesitate to contact him on his
WEBSITE: https://balbosasolutionhome.com
EMAIL on:: balbosasolutionhome@gmail.com
WHATSAPP AND CALL: +1(206) 485-3691
GOOD LUCK