home
RSS
Every woman needs a 'gaggle' of men
June 14th, 2012
08:46 AM ET

Every woman needs a 'gaggle' of men

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

If you’re a single woman and you’re looking for love, forget about “The Rules” and stop worrying that “He’s just not that into you.”

That was then, this is now - it’s a post-dating world you’re living in, and that means you have to shed your one-to-one mind-set and start thinking in terms of one to many.

In other words? Stop searching for Mr. Right and look around at all the Mr Right(s).

That’s the premise of "The Gaggle," a new book from Jessica Massa, who, along with Rebecca Wiegand, runs the website “WTF Is Up With My Love Life?!

According to Massa and Wiegand, every woman - single or not - should have her own gaggle, a group of guys that occupy different roles in her life.

“You probably have a gaggle of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” explains Massa. “You might call one friend to go shopping versus another friend when you’re upset versus another friend when you need a serious professional opinion. Your romantic gaggle is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.”

The men in this gaggle can include anyone from the barista you flirt with, to the ex-boyfriend you Skype, to the work buddy you commiserate with over lunch. Whether you end up dating one or more of them is just an added bonus.

“As a woman, having a gaggle provides you with a love life full of possibility: you have many men in your life, in many ambiguous but enriching ways, who are all teaching you about yourself and your needs and desires and leading you closer to the guy and relationship you want,” say Massa and Wiegand.

Terri Trespicio, a New York-based dating and relationship coach who is single herself, exuberantly extols the “uncoupled state” and takes things a step further: If you’re happily single but enjoy dating, she recommends seeing three different men regularly.

“When you date just one guy, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” she says. “If you see two men, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three guys tend to balance each other out, like a tripod.”

Like the “Gaggle," these three men can fulfill different needs - maybe you like to see movies with one, travel with another and cuddle with a third - which removes the burden of one man to fill all those slots.

“This can also help you worry less about whether or not someone is your ‘match’,” says Trespicio, “and shifts your focus to the sheer joy of connecting with other people.”

Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your gaggle may well include ex-boyfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a cuddle-guy. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates - and practice safe sex - there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person.

Just as different people can serve different roles outside of bed, so too, can they satisfy different needs between the sheets. In their groundbreaking book, "The Ethical Slut," Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy describe the ways in which single women (and men) can juggle multiple sexual partners and enjoy intimacy safely and “ethically."

Marriage is wonderful for many, but it’s not the right choice for everyone. Whether you’re sexually intimate with more than one person or simply enjoying a variety of friendships and dates, one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number.

Say Massa and Wiegand: “We are living in a post-dating world because traditional dating is no longer the most common path that people are following to romantically connect and fall in love. And the more that women judge themselves and their relationships by traditional dating standards that no longer exist, the more they are going to feel an unnecessary despair and confusion and hold themselves back from finding love in this new romantic landscape.”

So go forth and gaggle!


soundoff (1,109 Responses)
  1. David

    Can we men keep a gaggle of women for different needs? Somehow I doubt it.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:06 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Christine

      What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you want it, and they are all aware that you want to be friends (or friends with benefits), go for it. You are all adults. I don't see why not.

      June 14, 2012 at 09:10 | Report abuse |
    • james

      And HOW! Modern day harems here we come!!!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:42 | Report abuse |
    • Kellee

      Unfortunately women are more emotional than men are so having a gaggle of women may drive you mad. On the other had men don't care what you do just as long as you keep him happy.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:53 | Report abuse |
    • jacob

      it's useing others. i will never be used again. i will not even consider being with someone who is haveing sex with more than one person at a time. it makes me feel like some piece of meat to be used and tossed aside. i will have no part in it even if i spend the rest of my life alone.

      May 6, 2013 at 07:39 | Report abuse |
  2. Robert

    My comment didn't go through. This advice is terrible.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jay-Z

      Agreed! The only thing a "gaggle" of men will do for a woman is convince the right man that she is not the right one. If I found out that a woman I was dating had a "gaggle" of other men I would quickly break ties. But what if I was "Mr. Right"? Bad advice!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:58 | Report abuse |
    • Juli

      Agreed

      June 14, 2012 at 12:37 | Report abuse |
  3. Sybaris

    There's a word for a woman who keeps a gaggle of men, sl.ut

    June 14, 2012 at 09:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Christine

      And what's the word for a man who keeps a gaggle of women? Wh-or-e, right?

      June 14, 2012 at 09:21 | Report abuse |
    • Sybaris

      Wealthy

      June 14, 2012 at 10:15 | Report abuse |
    • theone58

      ha ha ha epic reply.
      would have got the same points for "stud"

      June 14, 2012 at 10:28 | Report abuse |
    • beadhead

      That term is so outdated it should be banned from all vocabulary.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:49 | Report abuse |
    • Alex

      This is just human nature: people gain respect for those who accomplish challenging feats while they consider those who overindulge in easily obtained vices as weak or flawed.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:38 | Report abuse |
    • ensense

      Christine don't you call them polygamist and shun them.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:56 | Report abuse |
    • Frank

      Your keys and money are on the dresser, baby!

      June 14, 2012 at 12:45 | Report abuse |
  4. M

    Seriously? How about just having FRIENDS??? Regardless of gender. And if you're monogamous, find someone of your preferred gender who wants to be monogamous with you. And if you're poly, find some other poly folks. And have friends you don't sleep with of both genders. Why is that so hard for people?

    June 14, 2012 at 09:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • JKR79

      They won't post my response apparently, but my sentiments exactly. I'm not calling for anyone to wait for marriage, but at least wait until you've finished one course of your meal before moving onto the next. It's ok to have friends of the opposite sex and not sleep with all of them.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:18 | Report abuse |
  5. Realist

    This gaggle makes me gag. I agree with earlier comment by Robert: this advice is terrible and will mean nothing but disaster.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • BPollutin

      First...gaggle is about a dumb a word as it is a concept! How much did CNN's sausage get yanked to put this load of promo crap on their website?

      June 14, 2012 at 10:53 | Report abuse |
  6. what

    As long as everyone involved is aware and ok with what is going on, I don't see a problem.

    However I think it would be hard to find men that are ok with sharing. We tend to be territorial.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mosihasteen

      Well, that makes me feel alot better about having three girls to do things with when the need arises. They better not find out about each other though. Just when i thought CNN couldn't put stupider sex/relationship advice up, they surprise me.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:40 | Report abuse |
    • davedave2

      but they won't be

      June 14, 2012 at 10:42 | Report abuse |
    • Justin

      haha do you really think a chick would let any other guy know about the others?

      June 14, 2012 at 11:47 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      @Justin, of course not, but when a guy does find out on his own, the woman then spits out the famous "Oh he is just a friend", B.S.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:53 | Report abuse |
  7. Muskie

    My experience has been that most women would not be able to handle this "gaggle of men" situation emotionally. Besides, try keeping one of your "gaggle" around just to go to the movies with and see how long he puts up with that. Not long I suspect. Whereas us men have been using the "gaggle of women" technic for centuries.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jen

      Hey, works for me. I'm over 40 and one ex works on the furnace, one does electrical, one works on the car, etc. I need help, they come runnin' – NO sex involved, we are all just adult friends. Why is this so hard to comprehend? They need help, I'm there. Adults can be friends, folks.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:00 | Report abuse |
    • Locker

      It's hilarious how the author ignores reality as stated by Billy Crystal:

      Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
      Sally Albright: Why not?
      Harry Burns: What I'm saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
      Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
      Harry Burns: No you don't.
      Sally Albright: Yes I do.
      Harry Burns: No you don't.
      Sally Albright: Yes I do.
      Harry Burns: You only think you do.
      Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
      Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
      Sally Albright: They do not.
      Harry Burns: Do too.
      Sally Albright: They do not.
      Harry Burns: Do too.
      Sally Albright: How do you know?
      Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
      Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
      Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
      Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
      Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
      Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
      Harry Burns: I guess not.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:35 | Report abuse |
    • Durundal

      I'm sorry, maybe i am still in the popular social construct, but if I even catch the scent that i am one of many with some girl who wants to play games like its the lotto then I will not waste my time. There are plenty of other pretty faces and less cavernous holes. You want to swing, ho it up- whatever go for it. But if a guy is expected not to get around while dating it should be the same. There is women's liberation, and then there is this perversion of it.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:37 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      @Durundal EXACTLY!!! A women can't expect a guy not to have girls on the side when they themselves have guys on the side. Women can't have their cake and eat it too!

      What a double standard this article puts out there.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:58 | Report abuse |
  8. Souvuelle

    Funny, we call this Polyamory in my circles.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Julian

      Actually, people are misconstruing the advice. This "gaggle" concept isn't about dating a bunch of guys simultaneously, it is about having many men in one's life. It is meant to counter the women that focus on one guy, maybe an unattainable one, and pine away. Instead, the idea is not to be afraid to interact with guys at multiple levels of friendship, which presumably either leads to dating possibilities or refines the girl's confidence and reduces her neediness for male company.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:49 | Report abuse |
    • MarylandBill

      Here is the big gotcha in this. Whether you are dating these guys or not, they fill roles in your life and you fill roles in theirs. Now naturally people drift in and out of each other's lives and people's needs change, but when a woman does decide she wants to date one guy, there are not too many men who really will want to share the woman with other men (even if it is not unfair, that is the way it will be). So the woman now is in the position of dropping all these guys she has become dependent on for various needs or risking the relationship with the guy she really wants to be with.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:08 | Report abuse |
    • DBSaint

      Julian...which article did you read? Did you miss this part,

      "Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your gaggle may well include ex-boyfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a cuddle-guy. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates – and practice safe sex – there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person."

      June 14, 2012 at 11:08 | Report abuse |
  9. SlowhandKev

    I've never seen someone get Gaggled but I bet it starts like the picture in the article. Cue wah wah guitar soundtrack...

    June 14, 2012 at 09:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Valerie

    Oh yes! Wh0re it up ladies!! "As if" that has ever worked well for us...............*sarcasm* intended.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Victor

    My only question....what happens when the gaggle woman decides to have a real relationship...is the guy she chooses from her gaggle going to be cool with her flirting with the barista, snuggling with some other dude, etc., etc. and if he's not is she going to resent him for tieing her down. I'm all for open relationships if they can work...but it takes two very evolved people to make that work and in my 43 years, I haven't seen too many such evolved people. Nice idea, but utltimately, a non-starter for most.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:38 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      I completely agree Victor and I think this article was just terrible. Awful idea, and awful advice that just does not work in the "real world".

      June 14, 2012 at 09:39 | Report abuse |
    • Matt

      I think perhaps you didn't actually read the article. The advice was forked. It noted that if you want to go the route you describe, a monogimous relationship, then you use the gaggle technique PRIOR to that to find what you want. Then you go to being in a relationship with just one person. Perhaps its someone outside the gaggle that you didn't know you liked until you spent time with the other three. That's the point. People, if you're going to criticize, at least read the article and get it right. If you just are narrow minded, that's fine, but at least use some reading comprehension FIRST and THEN spout off poor conclusions.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse |
    • BPollutin

      Actually, Victor is right. You, Matt, may be pathetic and desperate enough to buy some girl dinner before she goes home and rubs one out on some other dude, but most decent males would pass. If a woman chooses this type of behavior, then "initiating" a monogamous relationship won't even be an option....as no self-respected guy would ever sit around and play duck duck goose!

      June 14, 2012 at 11:04 | Report abuse |
    • DBSaint

      Matt...see your point but it's the author's advice to keep the men in an ambigious state while using them to fill specific needs, which is basic manipulation, and before the comments start it's not ok for a guy to do this either. If you want to play the field, then fine but don't have one guy as the movie guy and another as the cuddle guy, and then some other guy as your fllirt.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:13 | Report abuse |
  12. David C

    This is just plain awful advice. I guess if you try hard enough, you can rationalize any behavior. And sell it on Amazon.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ﺶCHEﺶ

      Oh Please! You're stretching it!
      Not even close to snake oil salesman.
      Whew! Some people in Romney's AmerCIA!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:13 | Report abuse |
  13. Gabriel

    A relationship coach who is single and worried about pressures to commit. Seems legit.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ﺶCHEﺶ

      You crack me up on a lousy day in AmerCIA!
      That was funny though.
      It's like an impotent dude telling you have to meet your manhood obligations in the bedroom.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:11 | Report abuse |
  14. Bob

    This is great advice. As a species, we are not intrinsically monogamous. It's way past time we keep trying to "learn" things that are not part of our instinctive nauture and biology.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jessica

      Wow, Bob. I have been saying that for years! I think people accept monogamy for what they get in return, but I don't feel it's what nature intended. If it were, there wouldn't be so many people cheating on each other. Sorry to offend anyone, but as a species we need to think of our sexual lifestyles in terms of who we are as animals. That's not a bad term, either. If men and women dropped the baggage and their expectations of others, focused less on status, money, jobs and the cars they drive and came together in a true primal fashion as nature intended, I would hazard a guess that the world would be a better and happier place. Nothing will kill a relationship faster than over-analyzing it. Just "be" and everything will work out fine.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:37 | Report abuse |
    • Valerie

      Sure Jessica. Try telling your husband you are going to start sleeping with other men.

      Just try it.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:39 | Report abuse |
    • brad

      Males are not monogamous due to the inherent nature of trying to spread their seed. Women are inherently monogamous due to the fact that 100,000 years of evolution tells them that Crog kill food. Traditionally, interdependence was much more necessary for the female gender. This article is ass. Good luck finding a guy who want to be "cuddle buddy," Although I must admit that finding a couple guys to fill all your different slots at once is definitely possible.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:47 | Report abuse |
  15. AnotherThought

    Who on the earth nowadays have so much time to keep up with everyone. My work (and my iPad) is getting more time and attention from me than my boyfriend sometimes. And I book time with friends several weeks ahead of the time so they could adjust their schedule. Are there so many women out there who have nothing to do but wanting to spend time with guys? I seriously doubt about it. A gaggle of men? It is a terrible advice that will lead to bad decisions from someone who doesn’t think for herself.

    June 14, 2012 at 09:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Garbage

    Americans are turning into garbage. This kind of "morality", if you can call it that, is sick. First of all, people are not there to be used or to meet your needs, or fill a role. This kind of stuff makes me sick. Its why I avoid people.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:02 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      People have lowered their own standard bar. It's really as simple as that. When you value yourself, you tend to value others as well. I can't imagine just dropping drawers for any ol' guy that suits my fancy, like I was a dog in heat. But, to each their own, I guess.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:41 | Report abuse |
    • Rich

      "Americans are turning into garbage."

      I don't know... I've only seen two people on all these comments actually agree with the horrible advice in the article. That's not as bad as I expected!

      June 14, 2012 at 12:19 | Report abuse |
  17. gew

    goodness gracious, I wouldn't gleefully be a guy in a gaggle of guys no matter the girl.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:04 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ﺶCHEﺶ

      You sound like a mama's boy.
      Get the heck out of the pen.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:07 | Report abuse |
  18. ﺶCHEﺶ

    Crab Shoooooooot!
    Brothers don't hang around ONE women like a bunch of jungle Hyenas with low self-esteem and inferiority complex to make her think she all that. Why are these grown men hanging around ONE woman? Is it a whittie thing or what?
    Someone holla!

    June 14, 2012 at 10:05 | Report abuse | Reply
    • B

      how many baby daddies you got sista, I gots me 12 snd they paying for my guccie with child support. holla.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:36 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      @B LOL funny yet sadly a reality for many women.

      June 14, 2012 at 12:00 | Report abuse |
    • BPollutin

      Haha...way to kill the stereotype with your poor grammar!

      June 14, 2012 at 13:17 | Report abuse |
  19. William H

    Men,

    Have enough self-respect for yourself not to be used by women for what she wants without getting what you want out of the relationship too.

    Women,

    Men can't make you happy. You have to learn to be happy in yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.

    Both above posts apply to the other gender as well.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:09 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      Amen! : )

      June 14, 2012 at 10:42 | Report abuse |
    • BPollutin

      I second that!

      June 14, 2012 at 11:07 | Report abuse |
  20. hex2323

    Stupid. The worst thing is women buy into this crap just because another woman says it and uses the word 'cuddle'.

    Dear women. If you need more than one man to do all that, maybe you should be looking for BETTER men, not more.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Army Gal

      I agree. The focus should be on making ourselves better people, rather than slotting different people into different roles.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:40 | Report abuse |
  21. Sumo

    Any woman who expects this to actually work is living in a dream world. Good luck finding a guy who is content to just buy you dinner and "cuddle"... Guys aren't stupid, and even though we may pretend to be fascinated by that story about how fat your highschool friend got, we TRULY do not care!

    I personally have never in my life met a woman interesting enough for me to consider sharing with two other guys...

    June 14, 2012 at 10:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Banjy

      You sound like a great guy who really respects women.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:29 | Report abuse |
    • Locker

      And you Banjy sounds like someone who doesn't get any.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:36 | Report abuse |
    • Army Gal

      For me, it isn't so much that I need to have a bunch of guys that find me interesting enough to share. Rather, I much prefer one who finds me so interesting, that he wants to get to know only me- and isn't interested in sharing romantically. Real life consists of work, kids, family responsibilities, etc. Why divide time to superficially know a bunch of people, when you can use that little bit of free time to intimately know one person? I like cuddling with the same person that I watch movies with, that I drink coffee with, that I sleep with. It's been wonderful for the last 12 years, and I realize there is still more to discover about him.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:48 | Report abuse |
  22. Josh

    "... perhaps even a cuddle-guy."

    There's another term for such a guy.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. duh

    women have zero good judgment when it comes to guys. no guy wants to be your friend- if he's hanging around you, he wants to nail you.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Locker

      Exact

      June 14, 2012 at 10:29 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      Bingo.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:40 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      nailed it.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:50 | Report abuse |
    • SMB

      even your dad, your cousin, somebody who is married and gay guys? so everybody you talk to wants to nail you?? or are you not getting the part that not all male figures needed in women´s life are about sex?

      June 15, 2012 at 09:43 | Report abuse |
  24. Banjy

    Oh please. I've never had any interest in being with more than one man. Who are these people? Some of us want relationships that go beyond the superficial.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Kellee

      Men are saying that this is a fantasy and every man that is friendly or friends with a women want to nail her than every man is cheating physical or mentally on their significant other which makes the faithful loyal wife a complete idiot who will shortly become divorce and obese ex-wife. This explain why more men cheat than women always have look at the politician and movies stars alone now include the regular Joe. We have gotten to where women should accept that men cheat and get use to it especially if your husband plays a professional sports. The new norm is if you are going to divorce your husband simply because he cheats than you should have never got married in the first place. Sad but true

      June 14, 2012 at 11:54 | Report abuse |
  25. Locker

    Women who haven't figured out that men are NOT women shouldn't be giving advice.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. JJDLS

    Promoting promiscuity thats a shame and sad.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. x277

    So it is perfectly ok for women to have a "gaggle" of men, but if a man has a "gaggle" of women, then he is a dog, a pig or a jerk. Double standard anyone? Because of stupid articles like this, its no wonder women thinks its OK to cheat but a then have a heart attack when they hear of a man cheating.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Army Gal

      Research would disagree. When a man cheats, the divorce rate is much lower than when a woman cheats. Overall, women seem to be more forgiving in this regard- rightly or wrongly.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:51 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      I'm not talking about divorce rate, I'm talking about how society reacts differently when a woman cheats vs. when a man cheats. And how it's ok for women to have many guy friends, but if a man has many female friends, a woman, would have a fit.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:58 | Report abuse |
    • ArmyDude

      ArmyGirl – cheating wives divorce more often because, typically, they've already emotionally divorced their husbands and choose to leave, no t because they got kicked to the curb. Nice try though.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:45 | Report abuse |
  28. Mark

    I agree with this from this limited perspective: women need to socialize with men as friends. When women spend too much time with other women only, they get a warped perspective on life. The same is true for men.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. vasmikey

    If women decide to get a gaggle of men to be with, they will end up with a gang of stockers to deal with.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. exqzme

    Duh.

    Of course women need a gaggle of men. And men need a gaggle of women.

    Thanks for restating the plainly obvious.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Scott Pilgrim

    ...this woman is actively encouraging women to "friend-zone" as many guys as possible. This is utterly foolish. Leading people on certainly isn't going to exactly lead to happy customers all the way around. This article completely ignores the feelings and intentions of the men involved with such a woman, just that her needs will be fulfilled. This article is a disgrace, the writer should be ashamed, we're all dumber for having read it, I award you a 0/10, may God/Buddha/Science (whatever the reader believes in) have mercy on you.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. P. Kaas

    These so called "EXPERTS" who write this kind of GARBAGE one usually finds here on YAHOO – must all write these stupid articles while sitting on the toilet. What kind of world these people live on?????

    June 14, 2012 at 10:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Duane - St. Pete FLA

    CNN, once a news outlet now this stupid stuff....see below...
    Once considered a scourge of sailors and soldiers, gonorrhea – known sometimes as "the clap" – became easily treatable with the discovery of penicillin. Now, it is again the second most common sexually transmitted infection after chlamydia. The global health body estimates that of the 498 million new cases of curable sexually transmitted infections worldwide, gonorrhea is responsible for some 106 million infections annually. It also increases the chances of infection with other diseases, such as HIV.

    "It's not a European problem or an African problem, it's really a worldwide problem," said Lusti-Narasimhan.

    Scientists believe overuse or incorrect use of antibiotics, coupled with the gonorrhea bacteria's astonishing ability to adapt, means the disease is now close to becoming a super bug.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. MrNiceGuy

    At first look, it would seen for the girl to hook up with numerous guys and pick which one she likes. The more you read into it, she is told to have many friends and each has a unique feature which she is attracted to. The more she hangs out with these guys, then she can decide which style she wants to have a relationship with. The downside is being the guys. You think this girl is into you, just to be thrown aside one day because you were not picked. And she always picks the self centered jerk and complains to you whenit doesn't work out in the end.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:38 | Report abuse | Reply
    • JJ

      Amen!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse |
    • Lindsey

      I am sorry, relationships are not an equal opportunity place. If the girl does not choose you, then that means she found a flaw or something lacking. Are you really advocating that she stay with a boyfriend because it isn't fair to him to leave? Women should be free to taste as many options as men do before settling down and finding their favorite.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:50 | Report abuse |
    • adam l

      I found the wh.ore! good comment lindsey, way to stick up for the bishes. that's something the wannabe "smart" bestfriend would say when sticking up for the slu girl.

      June 25, 2012 at 16:25 | Report abuse |
  35. Dorothy

    This is horrible, immature advice that feeds into the growing narcissistic culture plaguing society today. Following this kind of advice will make people incapable of having a healthy, happy relationship with anyone. The reason that she can't make relationships work is that she is selfish and rudderless. We all need to stop focusing so much on ourselves, rely on God,and think about other people. That is the true way to contentment.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Jeff

    My God. This is total crap. People make a living writing this garbage?

    June 14, 2012 at 10:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Chris

    What they're saying is you should have friends. Not that you should be sleeping with all or even any of them. Of course all these male friends will at one time or another try to sleep with you and spend a large portion of thier time trying to c*ck block the other guys in the 'gaggle'. Also; your guy friends should never meet eachother... Fighting will ensue.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Truthbetold

      Chris, this is from the article...

      Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your gaggle may well include ex-boyfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a cuddle-guy. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates – and practice safe sex – there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person

      This article does indeed suggest more than friendship...

      June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      But if a guy has a "gaggle" of female friends, a woman would have a fit, no matter how platonic the relationship with those friends were.

      June 14, 2012 at 10:47 | Report abuse |
  38. dirty Joe

    I'm sorry but I don't want my wife keeping a "gaggle" of male friends.

    I'm not a jealous type, but:

    Flirting with baristas? Skyping ex-boyfriends?

    Is this idiot author encourging divorce? Is she married herself? If so, can her husband have a gaggle of female friends? I somehow doubt it.

    I don't care if single women do this, but when I read that she advises women to keep a "gaggle" whether they are single or not, I had to object.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Duane

    I agree with the several above who think that this is absolutely *terrible* advice and far more likely to cause more emotional pain and difficulty than it will prevent or heal. With stories like this one, CNN continues its troubling, dangerous and now frankly embarrassing walk away from substantive and intelligent news coverage towards some sort of sad, bizarro mix of Fox News and Entertainment Tonight.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. jamdfh

    Good luck with that!

    June 14, 2012 at 10:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Robert (Atlanta)

    So, two women who are incredibly under-qualified (one has a BA Psych and the other has a BA in Humanities and "conducted independent research on medieval art and queenship") with respect to relationships write a book and THAT makes it authoritative? Really?

    Stupid advice for stupid people.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Truthbetold

    If you enjoy keeping secrets then this might be the lifestyle for you. If you have any decent man in that "gaggle", he won't wait around long while you spend time with other men. Why not just have multiple friends until you find one that you have a great connection with and are attracted to?

    June 14, 2012 at 10:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. bombotototo

    Seems hard enough to find and manage a relationship with just one person for most people. I feel like this advice is crafted for the 2% of the population that are attractive enough that their partners will put up with anything.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:43 | Report abuse | Reply
    • John Q Public

      nailed it!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:46 | Report abuse |
  44. Mark Daniel

    Great advice. Men do this all the time. Some women we have sex with and other women wash our clothes and cook us dinner.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. John Q Public

    It basically says every woman needs a stable of studs that they lead on just enough to use them for their individual strengths. Joe – go fix my car, John – take me to the mall. Gag me.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Techsupport

    Yes, lead on a bunch of men, disregarding all of their own feelings entirely. Jade them to the point that they become the kind of men that do the same thing to women. Be the problem. What a stupid idea.

    Having male friends is great, but if you're just keeping them around to see which one gives you the biggest thrill, you should probably go take a long walk off a short pier.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Peoples Champ

      Thank god someone says the obvious...why would CNN post this garbage!?!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:54 | Report abuse |
    • x277

      Couldn't have said it better myself

      June 14, 2012 at 12:01 | Report abuse |
  47. Darlene

    I think the point of the article is to have male friends as well as female friends. I'm single and I have several male friends that I enjoy the company of. No sex. It's just friendship, so there is no "cuddling" and when we meet up for a beer or dinner, I pay my own bill. It's just friendship. I value my male friendships because are different from my female friendships and I feel like I can be myself around the guys. So I think there is some truth to this article because male friendships offer something that you don't always get with female friendships - less drama.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Adam C

      Sounds like a good time. As long as the guys you're friends with aren't secretly hoping to date you (which they probably are), then no one gets hurt and all works out well.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:56 | Report abuse |
    • honest john

      @ AdamC. Unless her guy friends are gay or 8 years old, they are.

      June 14, 2012 at 14:00 | Report abuse |
    • Darlene

      As long as not giving mixed signals and treating a guy with respect as a friend, how can I be responsible for what a guys is secretly thinking? At the start am I supposed to announce a "legal" statement like "Yeah let's go grab a bite to eat, but just as friends, right?" Wouldn't that be insulting to a guy and an awkward thing to say? Shouldn't that communication wait until the issue is out in the open and necessary?

      June 14, 2012 at 15:56 | Report abuse |
    • Destry

      CLUELESS!!!
      You apparently didnt get the memo that the only thing men want is SEX!!!

      June 14, 2012 at 16:37 | Report abuse |
    • Darlene

      @Destry True! But if you are a quality guy and are looking for a quality woman, you are ALSO interested in personality, character, integrity and intellect as well. Those qualities are only found when you get to know someone - like through friendships. However, if a guy is only interested in sex and nothing more, then those types are easily discovered and removed from the "selection" process. I am not clueless to the ways of men – the good ones are out there and are waiting to be discovered.

      June 14, 2012 at 17:15 | Report abuse |
  48. Will

    Women better use caution with this sort of advice. When I was single, I used to avoid women like this. I saw them as someone who will just use you.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. n

    I keep a gaggle of women for my needs. You wouldn't bet on ONE stock would you? You don't apply for ONE job do you? Women are like bananas, I know they've limited shelf life, and that eventually they'll turn rotten.

    Accept this reality, and dogs & cats can live together.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mark Daniel

      That was brilliant!

      June 14, 2012 at 10:50 | Report abuse |
    • dhondi

      play on playah.

      June 14, 2012 at 11:36 | Report abuse |
  50. Adam

    It's astonishing how stupid people are these days. Whoever wrote this article has a degree and they're as dumb as a bag of rocks.

    June 14, 2012 at 10:48 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Post a comment


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.