 |
|
|
|
March 1st, 2012
10:46 AM ET
Are you sexually intelligent?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex weekly on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
Is it about being able to swing from chandeliers or knowing every page of the “Kama Sutra” by heart? Or are there deeper qualities to being “good in bed” that speak more to the spirit of our actions than their substance? In his new book, “Sexual Intelligence," Marty Klein, Ph.D – a renowned sex therapist with more than 30 years of experience – challenges readers to think about their sex lives as though they suddenly woke up in Russia tomorrow, without any knowledge of the language and only a handful of rubles in their pockets. “That’s what sexual intelligence is like – not the ability to be great in bed, or to function the way you did when you were 22. Rather, sexual intelligence is expressed in the ability to create and maintain desire in a situation that’s less than perfect or comfortable; the capacity to adapt to your changing body; curiosity and open-mindedness about the meaning of pleasure, closeness, and satisfaction; and the ability to adjust when things don’t go as expected.” Klein builds on his premise of sexual intelligence by offering us a beguilingly simple equation: sexual intelligence = information + emotional skills + body awareness. Accurate information is indeed crucial. Many of us get our sexual information from all the wrong sources. Young men too often rely on porn and tall tales of the locker room, or on the responses of women who are all-too willing to fake it rather than put their true desires in the foreground; whereas women often rely on the sound bytes that proliferate talk shows. In terms of emotional skills, as I discussed in last week’s column, being able to communicate empathetically and honestly with a sexual partner is paramount, but many of us resign ourselves to sex lives of quiet desperation. And I agree with Klein’s calculus that only by adding body awareness – not just of your own body, but also of your partner’s – can you hope to become truly sexually intelligent. In my experience as a sex counselor, one way of cultivating all three of these qualities at once with a partner is through the practice of sensate focus exercises. Developed by sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson, these exercises, as the name implies, emphasize the focus on physical sensations. In sensate focus, sex is initially taken off the table for couples, and then gradually reintroduced, one aspect at time, through a gradual process of touching, connection, and awareness, during which each partner takes turns as giver and receiver. The object of these exercises is for partners to develop a heightened sense of sexual self-awareness and a keener understanding of what feels good to their partner. People change. Relationships change. Why shouldn’t sex? And yet it’s the natural changes of the sexual life cycle that so many couples in long-term relationships find bedeviling — and that’s another reason why sexual intelligence is so important. In her international best-seller “Mating in Captivity,” therapist and intellectual provocateur Esther Perel encourages readers to cultivate “erotic intelligence” and reconcile the need for what’s safe and predictable with the wish to pursue what’s exciting, mysterious and awe-inspiring. “We are born sensuous; we become erotic. To cultivate the erotic is also to engage with sexuality as a quality of aliveness and vitality that extend beyond a mere repertoire of sexual techniques. We learn to play, be curious, engage with our imagination, anticipate. Erotic intelligence is our ability to bring novelty to the enduring, mystery to the familiar, and surprise to the known.” Both Klein and Perel have authored important works that are not only apt for people of all ages, but can remain relevant on our bookshelves (or digital readers) throughout our lives as we age and adapt. “Sexual intelligence is useful in different ways at different times of our life,” writes Klein. “In our 20s, in exploring the sexual world; in our 30s, in bonding with a partner and establishing a sexual rhythm; in our 40s, in tolerating and adapting to change; in our 50s, in saying goodbye to youthful sex; in our 60s and beyond, in creating a new sexual style,” writes Klein. Now that’s really smart. soundoff (966 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 Next »Post a comment
Next entry »Zen in the water: Rediscovering an old love
« Previous entryNutrition labeling for meat becomes mandatory
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
What are the qualities that make a truly great lover? 
Good article! We are linking to this particularly great post on our site. Keep up the good writing.
https://www.2ip.ru/lookup/?ip=http://www.forkliftrepairshop.com/
http://gladbeck.de/ExternerLink.asp?ziel=http://reedthomas.com
http://www.ar.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=ocrv.info/
https://brivium.com/proxy.php?link=http://www.romeomotorsports.com/
Spot on with this write-up, I seriously believe that this site needs a great deal more attention. Iíll probably be back again to read more, thanks for the advice!
https://ww17.2test.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://www.fleettruckrepairshop.com
Trực Tiếp Bóng Đá Ngày Hôm Naycakhia liveNếu cứ đùa như cách vừa đè bẹp Everton tới 3-1 trên sảnh khách hàng
https://murraystivoli.com/detail/xep-loai-ngoai-hang-anh-truc-tuyen-65694.html
http://htcdev.com/?URL=www.ocrvmotorsports.co/
Xoilac Tv Thẳng Soccerxem vtv5Đây có lẽ rằng là ngôi trường hợp “của đi thay cho nhân viên" khá may mắn đối cùng với Ben McLemore. Thiếu chút nữa tay ném của Los Angeles Lakers đã có được thể gặp gỡ hiểm họa nghiêm trọng. Cập nhật kết quả trận nước Việt Nam vs Lebanon thuộc play-off vòng chủng loại Futsal World Cup 2021.
https://virandoamor.com/detail/truc-tiep-bong-da-copa-america-23664.html
You have made some decent points there. I looked on the internet for more information about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.
https://www.neurostar.com/en/redirect.php?url=www.duiattorneyphoenixaz.com
http://clubs.london.edu/click?uid=24ce7c96-76b4-11e6-8631-0050569d64d5&r=http://gistongist.com/my-life-is-in-danger-mailafia-laments-dss-invitation/
https://wilsonlearning.com/?URL=www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-upholstery-near-me/
This website was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Appreciate it!
https://www.elephone.hk/static/redirect?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-west-hollywood-california/
Great information. Lucky me I came across your site by accident (stumbleupon). I have book-marked it for later!
http://blog.sina.com.tw/url_verify.php?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-los-alamitos-california/
https://blog.tieonline.com/feedtie/feed2js.php?src=https://ocrvcenter.com/garbage-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me&num=3&au=y&date=y&utf=y&html=y
Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a online game where you can do anything you want. Second life is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you would like to see more you can see these sl authors and blogs
http://everydayliteracies.blogspot.com/2003/10/postgrad-literacies-blog-at-vanderbilt.html
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this article plus the rest of the site is very good.
http://www.e-douguya.com/cgi-bin/mbbs/link.cgi?url=https://smu.edu/
Trực Tiếp Soccer Việt Nam Vs Lebanon. Xem Truc Tiep Bong Da. Futsal Việt Namxem kênh k+Xem bóng đá trực tuyến Trực tiếp Odd BK vs Sarpsborg, 20h ngày 24/5, giải VĐQG Na Uy. Xem lịch phạt sóng thẳng đá bóng EURO thời điểm hôm nay được Webthethao update chính xác nhất.
https://chiefscreolecafe.com/detail/24hmoney-apk-106065.html
https://web.trailerpark.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-west-hollywood-california
Xoilac Tv Trực Tiếp Bóng Đáxem.vnNếu cứ chơi như cách vừa tiêu diệt Everton tới 3-1 bên trên Sảnh khách hàng
https://virandoamor.com/detail/xem-bong-da-tren-k-pm-35747.html
http://www.ar.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=https://ocrvcenter.com/services
That is a very good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere. Brief but very precise infoÖ Many thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!
https://www.vets.ne.jp/cgi/jump_link.cgi?URL=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-del-mar-california
Itís hard to come by knowledgeable people on this subject, but you seem like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks
http://v.wcj.dns4.cn/?c=scene&a=link&id=8833621&url=http://luftfahrwerk-flügeltüren.de/gaestebuch.html?start=5440
Links Coi Thẳng Bóng Đá Futsal Việt Nam Vs Lebanon Vòng Loại World Cupbxh c1Nếu cứ nghịch như cách vừa đè bẹp Everton cho tới 3-1 trên sảnh khách
https://virandoamor.com/detail/7mc-101398.html
Links Xem Trực Tiếp đá Bóng Futsal Việt Nam Vs Lebanon Vòng Chủng Loại World Cupgame ma sóiNếu cứ chơi như cách vừa đè bẹp Everton cho tới 3-1 bên trên sảnh khách
https://virandoamor.com/detail/tin-nba-94087.html
Hello there! This post couldnít be written much better! Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I'll forward this post to him. Pretty sure he'll have a very good read. Thank you for sharing!
https://community.nxp.com/t5/custom/page/page-id/ExternalRedirect?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-windshield-repair-near-me/
After I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on every time a comment is added I recieve four emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is a means you are able to remove me from that service? Cheers!
http://boosterblog.es/votar-12428-11629.html?adresse=www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-chula-vista-california/
http://salesnews.qantas.com/public/m/closed?msLRR=http://hootnholler.net/workforce-development-implications-for-health-care-systems-during-covid-19-and-beyond-ajmc-com-managed-markets-network/
http://ww17.acconsthost.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-chula-vista-california/
After exploring a number of the blog posts on your blog, I seriously like your way of blogging. I book-marked it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back in the near future. Please check out my web site as well and let me know how you feel.
https://telemail.jp/_pcsite/?des=015660&gsn=0156603&url=https://ocrvcenter.com/rv-toilet-repair-near-me
https://sso.iiaba.net/login.aspx?a=wa&r=www.ocrvcenter.com/boom-truck-repair-near-me
http://login.mephi.ru/login?allow_anonymous=true&service=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-panorama-city-california
Link Coi Trực Tiếp Bóng Đá Futsal Việt Nam Vs Lebanon Vòng Chủng Loại World Cuplich thi dau lckĐây có lẽ là trường hợp “của đi thay cho người" khá như ý đối với Ben McLemore. Thiếu chút nữa tay ném của Los Angeles Lakers đã có được thể bắt gặp hiểm họa nghiêm trọng. Cập nhật kết quả trận nước Việt Nam vs Lebanon nằm trong play-off vòng chủng loại Futsal World Cup 2021.
https://virandoamor.com/detail/bong-da-tv-k-pm-79998.html
I was very pleased to uncover this website. I want to to thank you for ones time due to this wonderful read!! I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to see new information on your site.
https://community.nxp.com/t5/custom/page/page-id/ExternalRedirect?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-supplies-near-me/
http://schornsteinfeger-duesseldorf.de/redirect.php?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-noho-arts-district-california/
https://azlawhelp.org/externalsite.cfm?url=//https://ocrvcenter.com/cascade-collision-repair-shop-near-me/
http://www.london.umb.edu/?URL=https://morlaesculturas.com/es/module/smartblog/details?id_post=55
Thẳng Bóng Đá Thời Điểm Hôm Naycopa america 2019 truc tiep kenh naoXem bóng đá trực tuyến Trực tiếp Odd BK vs Sarpsborg, 20h ngày 24/5, giải VĐQG Na Uy. Xem lịch vạc sóng trực tiếp bóng đá EURO hôm nay được Webthethao cập nhật chủ yếu xác nhất.
https://virandoamor.com/detail/mu-vs-southampton-fernandes-98308.html
Trực Tiếp Soccer Thời Điểm Hôm Naypes 2020 crackĐây có lẽ là trường hợp “của đi thay cho người" khá may mắn đối với Ben McLemore. Thiếu chút nữa tay ném của Los Angeles Lakers đã có được thể gặp tai nạn nghiêm trọng. Cập nhật kết quả trận nước Việt Nam vs Lebanon nằm trong play-off vòng loại Futsal World Cup 2021.
https://murraystivoli.com/detail/lich-thi-dau-quoc-te-lol-82915.html
http://fullservicestation.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://ocrvcenter.com
You've made some good points there. I checked on the internet to learn more about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this website.
http://pipeplugsinc.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://ocrvcenter.com
Trực Tiếp đá Bóng Việt Nam Vs Lebanon. Xem Truc Tiep Bong Da. Futsal Việt NamtttvĐây có lẽ là trường hợp “của đi thay cho người" khá may mắn đối với Ben McLemore. Thiếu chút nữa tay ném của Los Angeles Lakers đã được thể bắt gặp hiểm họa nguy hiểm. Cập nhật kết trái trận nước Việt Nam vs Lebanon thuộc play-off vòng chủng loại Futsal World Cup 2021.
https://virandoamor.com/detail/bxh-c1-chau-a-49830.html
Greetings, I believe your blog might be having internet browser compatibility problems. Whenever I take a look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it's got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Apart from that, fantastic blog!
http://newyorkbreadxpress.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvcenter.com/
https://topshore.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://ocrvcenter.com
bookmarked!!, I love your blog!
http://www.extremeclay.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.ocrvcenter.com
Kết Quả Futsal Việt Nam Vs Lebanonvtv3 liveTheo thể thức thi đấu, đội thắng ở cặp đấu này sẽ giành tấm vé đến Lithuania trong ngày hội bóng đá lớn nhất thế giới mang đến futsal. Tuyển futsal Việt Nam bước vào trận play-off lượt đi tranh vé dự play-off World Cup 2021 với sự tự tin. Tuy vậy, HLV Phạm Minh Giang bày tỏ, toàn đội không ngán Lebanon tuy vậy sẽ tìm cách để khắc chế sức mạnh của đối thủ bởi bên trên băng ghế huấn luyện là nhà cầm quân Ramiro Lopez, người từng dẫn dắt futsal Tây Ban Nha.|Dựa vào lịch thi đấu, quý khách có thể chuẩn bị xếp công việc
https://equinome.com/detail/video-ban-thang-cua-anh-duc-pho-119284.html
http://xcelenergy.com/stateselector?stateselected=true&goto=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-leak-repair-near-me/
Having read this I believed it was very enlightening. I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this article together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!
https://www.board-en.drakensang.com/proxy.php?link=http://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-slide-out-repair-near-me/
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon every day. It will always be exciting to read through content from other writers and practice a little something from other sites.
http://www.response-o-matic.com/thank_you.php?u=ocrvcenter.com/toy-hauler-repair-near-me
Very nice post. I certainly love this site. Continue the good work!
http://elephone.hk/static/redirect?url=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-refrigerator-repair-near-me
http://www.stanko.tw1.ru/redirect.php?url=https://ocrvcenter.com/terrastar-collision-repair-shop-near-me