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February 9th, 2012
09:02 AM ET
Understanding females' sexual fluidityIan Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
“I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better,” she said. “For me, it is a choice.” As you might expect, her comments – published in a New York Times Magazine profile - set off a firestorm of controversy, with gay activists and others worrying that Nixon’s words would give credence to those who claim that being gay is a conscious decision, not a genetic certainty. But, divisive wording aside, there may be something to Nixon’s remarks. The actress, who was once in a long-term relationship with a man and who is now engaged to a woman, appears to be an example of what scientists are now terming “sexual fluidity.” In other words, she may be attracted to a specific person rather than a particular gender. It’s a phenomenon that Lisa Diamond, a University of Utah psychology professor, has studied extensively. In her 2008 book, “Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,” she writes that women’s sexuality appears to be much more fluid than men’s, and that this fluidity tends to involve three main characteristics: - Non-exclusivity in attractions: can find either gender sexually attractive Research seems to support the idea that some women are able to move between relationships with both genders without blinking an eye - and that labels matter little. In a 2008 study, Diamond followed 70 lesbian, bisexual, and “unlabeled” women over the course of 10 years. During that decade, two-thirds of the women changed their initial identity labels, and one-third of these changed labels at least twice. And although conventional wisdom suggests that more women would transition out of the bisexual and unlabeled groups and into the more “standard” groups of heterosexuality or homosexuality, this was not the case. As Diamond writes, “More women adopted bisexual/unlabeled identities than relinquished these identities; few bisexual/unlabeled women ended up identifying as lesbian or heterosexual. Overall, the most commonly adopted identity was ‘unlabeled.’” So is sexual fluidity unique to women? Possibly, says sexuality educator Emily Nagoski, author of the "Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms." “Making space for fluidity as a legitimate part of sexual orientation would help women, but it surely couldn’t hurt men. Men have some fluidity too, just not as much,” she writes. “It’s different for girls, this sexual orientation thing.” She points to a variety of studies that help bolster this idea: For instance, research in men has found genetic differences that may be associated with homosexuality, but similar inheritability of sexual orientation has not yet been identified in women. Plus, Nagoski adds, “Women’s experience of sexual orientation is more discontinuous and variable than men’s, which more typically emerges early and stays the same over different situations.” So, while most men tend to identify themselves as straight, gay, or bisexual relatively early in life, many women may have relationships with both men and women without choosing a specific sexual orientation. Women may also be more receptive than men to a variety of sexual cues. For their recent book, “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed a billion web searches, a million websites, a million erotic videos, a million erotic stories, millions of personal ads and tens of thousands of digitized romance novels in order to better understand the sexual differences between men and women. They concluded that a single cue triggers arousal in the male brain, but that women’s brains require multiple cues to become aroused. Similarly, research from the University of Toronto found that while men who identified themselves as heterosexual or homosexual became sexually aroused by straight or gay pornography, respectively, women were much more complicated: Regardless of their identified orientation, straight, gay, and bisexual women became physically aroused by a whole range of sexual imagery, including male–male, male–female, and female–female pornography. They were even turned on by images of mating monkeys, although they didn’t admit it. Of course, we shouldn’t interpret these findings as proof that all heterosexual women are sexually attracted to other women, or to monkeys for that matter. But they do suggest that women may be more capable of finding people and things attractive, no matter what orientation they claim. Perhaps that’s why an estimated 95% of straight men who fantasize about or partake in threesomes are only interested in being with two women, while more heterosexual women are open to adding another woman or man to the mix. In the end, Cynthia Nixon’s comments and the conversation they’ve started may reveal less about the actress’s romantic leanings than our own preconceived notions about sexual orientation. Maybe the lesson here is that love and lust are about people, not about labels - and I think that can only be a good thing.
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Actress Cynthia Nixon made headlines recently when she said during an interview that she “chooses” to be a lesbian. 
interesting. i think it's easier for a straight woman to be attracted to a woman than a straight man to be attracted to a man. it just goes to shows that sexual attraction is not black and white.
Greek and Roman art along with with the activities with groups of males like a prison setting, doesn't seem to agree with that assertion.
The prison thing is more about dominance than attraction.
Sum it in 9-Simple words: Women are CONFUSED beings creating bush fires in relationships.
Get it together!
you don't know that it's dominance over attraction. Like I said below, prison, oppressive religious cultures, history shows heter men being quite open when women aren't available. There is some info on women but there seems to be much more on men. So I don't understand why it's not more of a general article including both genders.
It's neither dominance or attraction. It's lack of options.
Hormones and lack of options for weak minded convicts.
if everyone would merely be concerned with their own bedroom, there would be no problem with whatever orientation an individual was
Amen!
Hear Hear!
word
I want to be concerned about what others do in their bed because I may want to do those things or possibly my wife and I do those things WITH THEM!!!
Must be talking to all those GOP impotent men and their sex starved plastic women.
Maybe Tri-sexual
Try anything once and if it's liked, try it again.
Women who have been in abusive/unhealthy relationships with men will give up on men and turn to female friends for comfort and understanding. Hardly surprising if it becomes sexual.
Actually, unfortunately, most women who have been in abusive/unhealthy relationships with men end up in similar relationships with similar men. This is because women with deep psychological problems (depression, abuse as a child, poor self-image, etc.) that bias them toward these men are most of the few who would put up with such relationships.
Two way street. Strong, healthy men of choice are not going to pair with weak willed, permissive women. Unfortunately the lowest denominator of men, the beta second class male, tends to prey on weak women.
Yea right, the burden is always on the men. How do you explain why women are generically CONFUSED how do any man figure these deficiencies out? FYI: Men are NOT psychology majors by BIRTH. Simply put; Psychology is NOT part of any man’s DNA. Not only that; men by nature are NOT mind readers. Put the blame(s) where they truly belong. Women are the contributing factors in most cases.
CHE, you need some education and counselling. Nobody is a born psychologist. All people must take the time and effort to learn about themselves and others. Don't shirk your own responsibility in this.
Stan-the-MAN (not), all you stallions out there covering as many mares as you can are what drive many of us away. We don't like games, cheating and selfish men. Every time a guy burns a chick, he's spoiled her for everyone else. That's right: burn a chick and no dude gets to ride her again if it's bad enough and if she"s like Bobbit, well, I hope you have insurance.
Man! I wish I was a lesbian. Thank goodness for battery-operated pleasure.
I am totally erect after reading this!
Damned unisex names!
😉
Hey man, what happened with Nick Diaz, i heard he failed his drug test. I hope we see a rematch anyway, you promised!
You neighborhood pervert! A Peeping Tom I suppose!
I'm a woman thats attracted to men and women. But attraction doesn't necessarily equate to sexual attraction.
When I was in college I had a button that said in very small letters, "I'm bisexual and I'm not attracted to you."
A bit rude, but, well, it got the point across. 😉
Well I'm 41 and I am sexually more attracted to men and emotionally more attcted to women. Odd but true. Most of my relationships have been with women and we work on the sex. I enjoy the romantic , intimate daily lives partered with women waay more. I find women physically attractive as well but sometimes the sexual aspect is a struggle. But I have never cheated on my female partners with men and never had any desire to do so. but its a fact to me but not a anything that causes me great strife.
I find myself being attracted to both men and women that have qualities I admire.
So what's surprizing about this? Men and women have always had a different sexual drive. A woman wants a social relationship, a man wants to "screw" somebody! It's easy to have a social relationship with either a man or woman. It's not to appetizing for most men to want to have anal sex with another man.
Ken, men have enjoyed touching each other for millenia and that also includes oral sex. Who says anal sex has to be involved? Please look into human history, especially Greek history from 2,000 years ago. Male relations were absolutely normal and expected.
Men need love too. It gets old when men like to characterize all other men as just wanting sex.
Does attraction to money count? 😉
Only if you want to sploog on your cash.
Quote interesting, but I wonder how much of the women's openness and men's reluctance is due to social pressures. Society has been more accepting of women being together than men being together. I'm curious what the results would be if this study was done in a female dominante society .
For 30 years of my life I have been with bi female's, two at a time. It was a choice for them and for me. I think that some people are per-disposed to be gay but for the most part they do what feels right for them.
I don't need to understand; I just want to watch.....
That is a fantasy for most men I think.
Maybe, but sooner rather than later, I'd want in.
You must be impotent.
Hi- I conducted the study at the UNiversity of Toronto and would like to correct a misrepresentation of that study in this article. Women had genital responses to films of bonobos mating but did not report that they felt sexually aroused. Very different from "not admitting it" which suggests that women were lying because we didn't ask women to report how aroused their genitals felt - we asked them how aroused THEY felt, and women often have sexual feelings that may not match their physiological sexual responses.
bottom line: women are very overly complicated and this is why men have trouble figuring them out sometimes. men, in comparison, are very simple....
This just in: no $h!t, Sherlock.
You need to read the book"man down" which explains how women are superior to men very logically. The author is a man. As a man I found it to be logical.
Physical superiority and a better developed logic center in the brain would seem to counter that theory.
We will NEVER know and they ain’t telling us.
Root Cause: most have been spoiled by their dads whom they intend try to impose on their man or partner. Heck as men, we don't have the time to raise someone else’s grown up daughter. Life is tooooo short. Come to the relationship FULLY prepared. I’m prepared.
Chemistry. It's all chemistry. I'm with a woman that I love and we are VERY compatible physically. For a few days before her monthly, she goes batty. I have had no other woman that did this, but it's the price I pay for the positive side of the relationship.
I'm not gay but my boyfriend claims he is. Since he usually catches I'm inclined to agree with him.
Go back to your cave, troll.
Reported
To those who try to understand the differences between men and women in terms of evolution, sexual selection and anthropology (in other words, science) there are no surprises here. However, you have to act surprised when it actually happens 🙂
Lesbianism should be illegal. It makes people uncomfortable.
Do not presume to speak for others, KnowsMore. It may make you uncomfortable. Ms Nixon is free to do as she likes with either sex as partner.
No, it makes YOU uncomfortable. Too bad.
I agree with KnowsMore. He/she (idk which :P) didn't say it made EVERYONE uncomfortable, but that it makes people uncomfortable. That is referring to the people it does, not everyone in the world. In my opinion, though, it should make everyone uncomfortable, because its wrong. Guy's are men't to be with girls and girls with guys; that is the way God made it to be. if u have a problem with what i say, don't take it up with me, take it up with God. When you face judgement would probably be a good time.
Thanks for the info. That should make guys more paranoid about losing their gal to either another guy or gal.
Not my problem. If a guy is overly insecure, that will end any relationship.
Oh please don't push it. You're part of the problem thinking you're all that.
I'm happy Cynthia chose to be lesbian. I'm happy for all of guys there so they have one less ugly woman to deal with.
Classic example of the Fox and the Grapes, Kevin.
And there are certainly no ugly men out there....
Hey, you're not good at whatever you do. The name KEVIN is a man's name or you changed your name to Cynthia. Seek help! Will ya?
Classic male response. Superficial packaging only.
Well, nice to know what many of us had suspected for some time. I always knew I just "liked people." I could never figure out why I *wouldn't* find an attractive woman attractive any more than I would an attractive man. Generally I swing to one side, but with me, the individual person - including a lot more than just looks! - is the attraction, not a particular set of body parts.
I can attest to the findings in this article – describes me to a T. I was married for 23 years, for many years knew that I was attracted to some women as well as some men, and once we decided to explore the possibilities, found the woman who has been my partner for ten years – and yes, there was overlap, but that overlap was communicated from the start and nothing was hidden. (The marriage ended for other reasons, amicably though). I've always felt that sexual attraction is a continuum, and not everybody is pegged at one end or the other.
So this article definitively confirms what most people have known all along. Gay is a choice.
Do you have any reading comprehension abilities. If anything, to greatly simplify, orientation is NOT a choice. If you are bisexual in nature (born that way), then you can choose the gender of your individual partners. If you are born heterosexual or gay, then there is less choice in the matter.
Your comment confirms that you are functionally illiterate.
but seriously how can two women screw around without a phallus ? impossible no ?
I'm thinking you've not had a lot of experience at this sex thing.
They just kinda......"scissor" hahahahaha of course there are external objects beyond the human body that can provide appropriate stimulation.
That vulnerable male appendage is definitely NOT necessary for a really good time. Men only think it's necessary, but believe me, there are plenty of women out there only put up with it to please their men.
Yes, it is impossible. As human beings, we can have sexual relations with either sex. History has proven this. However, there is always one sex that we PREFER.
I've had sex with women. It's not a huge deal, but it's not satisfying. It's like girl-time taken a step further. With no pen.etration, what's the point? It's fun. It's giggly. It's entertaining for an evening. But it's not real sex. It's pointless and feels open-ended.
My point is, all the labels are bush-wa. They're meaningless. Anyone can be with anyone. Societal 'norms' are just that... They are subject to change as society changes.
Hm. Maybe you should do some research on the whole sex thing. Lots of books out there.
The proper term for this fluidity is Pansexual. And I'd posit that many more men are pansexual than will admit it, simply because our society doesn't allow for sexual fluidity in men nearly as much as for women. I think if more men were open and honest about their attractions, the numbers would add up quite differently.
Kerner,,,,,you better go back to college. Try spending a lot of time with women and dating. Once you graduate, get a real job!!
Now, that's funny.
I actually thought the same thing from the headline.
I totally thought this was about squirting women. So disappointed. Some one please explain THAT to me from a medical point of view.
Too hilarious. After reading it, and picturing Cynthia Nixon in relations with either male or female, I am currently attracted to neither.
You should never discriminate when it comes to sex, and please yourself however you choose, as long as you're ok and your partner(s) are ok with it. Everyone experiments, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with fluidity, it's good for you.
sin is always a choice.
and all this time was blaming the devil. Are you telling me that all these years with all these religions, we couldn't have a prophet with a law degree that can agrue the case where devil is the root cause of all sins and humans are just innocent by-standers? Any attorneys here want to take the case pro bono?
And being the token religious idiot isn't?
What SIN?
You sound like a typical GOP.
Starving the masses and don't care about the POOR just to satisfy your political agenda is SINFUL even in the eyes of Satan Lucifer. Get it together.
Sin= Self-induced-nonsence.
If you're wife is getting aroused by looking at a monkey, you have more problems than you think bro. First off, this is a clear indication that you are uglier than the freaking monkey. Try Just For Men products. If you can't beat a monkey in being a monkey, then you might as well try to be a donkey without smelling funky as no one wants a donkey that's stanky. If all fails, just be gay and get on with it and be happy. Leave the monkeying around to a man who can beat both the monkey and the donkey.
very funny
most women are attracted to who ever has the most $$$. Lose your money, you lose your honey. Seen it happen over and over.
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I would bet $1000 that you are a virgin.
What this article fails to point out is what women say they want and what they really want are two different things. For instance; women say they want a nice, funny, intelligent, caring, honest man. However they keep choosing and dating the cheating, abusing, lying, semi-intelligent ape and they know this. Until women get their act together men are either going to stay happily single and get their sexual urges taken care of somewhere else, turn gay, or remain in their pathetic unhapilly married lives to a women who doesn't know what she wants in a man.
Ok, someone sounds a little bitter.
I read in a study in psychology today a few years ago, not widely published because of it's outcome, that men are born gay more than 90 percent of the time. Women though, were born gay only about 40 percent of the time. Many women's groups came out against the study, and hence, and organization like CNN would not print something that a women's org was against and not many people heard of it. We live in a world where science that is not agreed upon by the whiners, gets no wide audience. Pressure to put out science that people agree with is high.
This was going to be my comment. It seems like even though this article says that there has been no genetic link found for lesbianism, I think that for *some* women they are really born that way. On 60 minutes they had a story one time where they were showing a 3 year old little girl who only wanted to play with trucks. You aren't going to tell me that that was socialized.
Any study that takes what women say and mingles it with what has been independently verified is crap. Studies also say women are much less honest then men in studies that involve identifying sexual characteristics.
Exactly, thank you!
I wonder if my wife is into donkeys. They have more girth than me, worries me, lol
She is,she told me. Not the girth but the wiggle in your worm buddy!
I thought this story was about squirting ! What a rip off!
I'm a 43 year old man who comes from a very uptight family and culture when it comes to sex. I was lucky enough to learn to some degree my own sexual flexibility. I knew early on I was attracted to women, but I never got to really experiment with men until I lived downtown in a city wiith a large gay community. Men would approach me and express their sexual attraction for me explicitly, unlike the vast majority of women. I was very scared at first, but eventually I was curious enough to experiment in degrees and I learned through my experimentations that I actually got aroused at least from men expressing their sexual attraction toward me, even though I never found the sight of men's bodies to be arousing. The actual sex act was less successful. Oral sex was never stimulating enough for me to reach orgasm. I've not tried receiving anal penetration yet. But I believe that with some good lubricant and the right stroking, just about anybody can mastubate me to orgasm - the person doing the masturbating could be a woman, a man or a thing - it doesn't matter, as long as they're using the right technique and good slippery lubricant. Looks don't matter either, but it helps to feel somewhat comfortable with the person, i.e. being able to relax.
Or just have a woman peg you. You seem not that attracted to men, why force the issue. Women are not so bad-seems like you need an assertive one 🙂
Not assertive. I'm a rebel and don't trust authority figures. I want a woman who's willing to be open and honest. Maybe that's asking too much...
As for women, I believe their sexual flexibilty lies in the fact that they are physically closer to children, who are naturally androgynous and much more flexible and adaptable than adults.
Excuse me?! I mean, I understand that you're most likely just a bored little troll, but wow. That is a weird, creepy thing to say.
Men can be androgynous too.
Nope!
That's a decoy. They use children just the same way Al-Qaeda cowardly uses women and children for protection when cornered.
I think children have much more 'neuroplasticity' than adults in general. i.e. observe how a child can become fluent in a language much easier than adults. Children are just better at learning things, probably because their bodies are much less specialized and developed like adults are. I say women are closer to children, because biologically we all start out as women in the uterus, then later some develop into men. This [fetal development] suggests that women are actually less specialized than men are physically. That is, men are actually women who are modified to become men. So, I would say that women are physically and mentally closer to children - which fits their primarily role as the caretakers of children very well.
For SOC news report
I am a lesbian and I have been saying it for years for some people in gay lifestyles it is a choice. What is so bad about saying its a choice. Choice is power. To act as though there is some unknown force driving people to be gay and live gay lifestyles is silly. some poeple obviously have more of an inclination twoards than others but its a choice. Black people were born black did that stop any racist from being racist – No . If a gay gene were discovered it would not magically change peoples opinions. Those who wanted to would just call it a birth defect. What is wrong with saying – I am choosing to love who I want to love. Two consenting adults in a healthy relationship – we should all applaud that.
Why does this discuss mostly women? It's more common in men. Society frowns on men being together more than women, so women only open up more about it.
I don't think it IS more common in men, unless you are talking about prison.
First, men who are gay have and will sleep with women although they will not want a relationship with them nor would it be their first preference. Everyone assumes from this information women who are heter are open to other women, not true. Women who were already bi are. Men who are heter WILL experiment with other males more often if women aren't available. Prison, oppressive religious cultures, history has shown that.
Lila – I am not a gay man but I know quite a few of them. All of them I know lost their virginity to a woman.
"THEY TOOK ERR JOBSSSSSSSS....Back in the pile!"
Pic courtesy of ThinkStock's extensive interracial agitprop library.
What about the 90% of trampy women who identify themselves as bi only when they're drinking because they think it appeals to the males?
Joey – having once been married to a bi-sexual woman who loved to share I can tell you that you would be shocked about how many rich successful woman enjoy a little woman love on the side
Sounds like Mommy told Daughter to just suck the dick and everything will ok. WRONG! Girls, We are bigger than that now!Please be strong, u r stronger and smarter. REALLY! Just have a voice.
Breaking news-Women can't make up their mind. Film at 11...
..... and this is a slow news day on CNN *yawn*
If I have sex with a "tranny", does that make me bi-sexual;-)?
I've been with a lot of women and believe me the bisexual women are 10x better in bed and seem to really enjoy sex instead of doing it out of obligation like most married women do.
Thank you Ms. Nixon ! You bolster my argument: it's a choice, not a state of being.
Monkey see monkey do. Women love to be copy cats or copy monkies.