 |
|
|
|
January 26th, 2012
07:21 AM ET
Dating and the challenge of too many choicesIan Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
There’s no doubt that dating in the 21st century offers a lot of opportunities. Think about your parents’ generation: They grew up with no Internet, they likely stayed in the same town for most of their lives, and they automatically had more in common with the people in that town as a result. Today, women and men are increasingly marrying someone outside of their religion, their ethnicity and their geographic area. Never in history have we had so many potential partners to choose from - and never have we had so much difficulty choosing. In fact, several recent studies suggest that this explosion of options has made men and women feel more confused and uncertain about finding a partner than ever before. People tasted the same number of jams, regardless of the number of available samples. Yet their buying choices varied dramatically: Offered six jams, about 30% of samplers ended up purchasing a jar. Faced with 24 choices, though, only 3% bought a jar. The conclusion: When given so many choices, people have more trouble making any decision, and this sense of indecisiveness could lead to a cascade of negative effects. In his seminal book, "The Paradox Of Choice," Dr. Barry Schwartz writes, “Choice overload can make you question the decisions you make before you even make them, it can set you up for unrealistically high expectations, and it can make you blame yourself for any and all failures. In the long run, this can lead to decision-making paralysis. And in a culture that tells us that there is no excuse for falling short of perfection when your options are limitless, too much choice can lead to clinical depression.” The problem could be our quest for perfection. We all want to believe in "The One" - a person that meets every item on our relationship checklist, who’s our soul mate forever. But when you search for perfection, you’re unlikely to find it. “People who attempt to make the 'perfect' choice, whether it comes to buying a car or finding a partner, end up less satisfied, regardless of what or who they choose. That’s because they tend to look for flaws, and become disillusioned with all of their options," says Andy Trees, Ph.D., author of "A Scientific Guide to Successful Dating." Many services also ask you to fill out exhaustive questionnaires about your likes and dislikes. It might seem like more information would help you make smarter choices, but again, that’s often not the case. The more criteria and qualities you consider for a partner, the tougher it can be to narrow down your choices. In fact, according to a 2006 Pew study of online dating, people generally use Internet sites because they believe that having lots of choices will result in a better match. But research suggests that such increased choices actually have the opposite effect. There’s evidence that even non-Web-based dating services can suffer from the challenge of choice: A study of people attending speed-dating events, published in the August 2011 issue of Biology Letters, found that they made fewer decisions to date when they attended events with higher numbers of candidates and greater variety. Again, the researchers concluded that people who have too many options will choose nothing. Although one day someone may indeed invent the perfect algorithm to match two people, no online dating site has yet provided proof that its formula works, regardless of what its marketing department wants you to think. So how can you harness the power of technology to your advantage? “First, don’t give up on the Internet - it can still be a useful way to meet people," says Trees. "Understand, though, that you’ll need to take the responsibility to choose your matches. Don’t expect the service to find you the perfect person. Pace yourself and keep a normal dating schedule. Seeing a new person every night of the week isn’t going to increase your chances of romance, just your risk of exhaustion. "And be patient and realistic. There’s no perfect mate out there, just people that you can enjoy spending a day - or maybe even the rest of your days - with.”
Next entry »Gupta on where 'Big Hits, Broken Dreams' began
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
If online dating hasn’t led you to your perfect match, perhaps the issue isn’t that you’re too choosy, but rather that there’s too much choice. 
whoah this blog is fantastic i like reading your posts. Stay up the great paintings! You already know, a lot of persons are searching round for this information, you can help them greatly.
https://www.hairstylescool.com
A person essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular publish extraordinary. Excellent job!
http://www.vreyrolinomit.com/
http://cqr3d.ru/user/v4dbagc787
https://forums.ppsspp.org/member.php?action=profile&uid=581592
shopping cialis cialis mit paypal bezahlen cialis http://sjcialis.com/ – price of cialis ’
My wife and i were quite relieved that Emmanuel managed to carry out his basic research through the ideas he gained from your own web site. It is now and again perplexing to just choose to be releasing tricks most people may have been trying to sell. Therefore we know we now have the writer to give thanks to for this. All of the illustrations you made, the simple site navigation, the relationships you help to promote – it's all wonderful, and it's really aiding our son and our family do think the subject is excellent, which is unbelievably fundamental. Thank you for everything!
https://wanelo.co/rayonlip0
This articlepostpiece of writingparagraph is reallyactuallyin facttrulygenuinely a nicepleasantgoodfastidious one it helpsassists new internetwebnetthe web userspeopleviewersvisitors, who are wishing forin favor of blogging.
https://hubpages.com/@bestcoincounterssorters
http://t.me/s/alcohol_yakutsk
Terrific paintings! That is the type of info that should be shared around the web. Disgrace on the search engines for now not positioning this publish upper! Come on over and visit my web site . Thank you =)
http://ask.bacagadget.com/index.php?qa=user&qa_1=brandyzoo16
Great goods from you, man. I've understand your stuff previous to and you're just extremely excellent. I really like what you have acquired here, really like what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it smart. I can not wait to read far more from you. This is really a wonderful site.
http://www.vreyrolinomit.com/
This is the right webpage for anybody who wishes to find out about this topic. You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want to횜HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a topic that's been written about for ages. Wonderful stuff, just great!
http://b3.zcubes.com/v.aspx?mid=5808993
Regards for all your efforts that you have put in this. very interesting info .
http://www.vreyrolinomit.com/
I relish, result in I found exactly what I was looking for. You've ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/128993586-dunn
Hello there! I could have sworn IÃve been to your blog before but after going through some of the posts I realized itÃs new to me. Anyways, IÃm certainly delighted I came across it and IÃll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!
https://bbs.ranmao.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=496994
Good post! We will be linking to this particularly great content on our site. Keep up the great writing.
http://www.X7wFVYZgcs.com/X7wFVYZgcs
Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to create a really good articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I hesitate a lot and don't seem to get nearly anything done.
http://www.eurekaenv.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=1780590
Hello, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it's driving me insane so any help is very much appreciated.
https://kclas.com/index.php?page=user&action=pub_profile&id=152827
cialis softabs online buy cialis online in new zealand cheapest cialis from india http://loncialis.com/ – cheap cialis online generic ’
tinder sign up , tinder app https://tinderdatingsiteus.com/
http://nybookmark.com/story8162880/monte-carlo-las-vegas-hotel-guide-part-1
cialis paypal australia cialis from canada where can i buy cialis in the uk https://xz-pharmacyonline.com – Biaxin ’