Sex after divorce: Does it get better?
January 19th, 2012
07:15 AM ET

Sex after divorce: Does it get better?

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

“If I hadn’t gotten divorced, I never would have had the top five sexual experiences of my life,” gushed Tom, a friend of a friend at a recent holiday party.

What a turnaround! In 2010, at the same party, Tom* had been in the midst of splitting up with his wife of 12 years and I was offering him the names of marriage counselors. Now he was bankrupt and only saw his kids every other week, but he was exuberant about the change to his sex life.

“I’d given up on sex and fooled myself into thinking that I wasn’t even a particularly sexual person,” he explained. “I didn’t want to be the sort of guy who cheated, so I resigned myself to lackluster sex every other week... if I was lucky. We were so young and inexperienced when we got married. Now, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m approaching sex as a confident adult.”

Does sex get better after divorce? Unfortunately, there haven’t been any formal studies that explore levels of post-divorce sexual satisfaction, but intrigued by Tom’s exuberance, I spoke with a handful of recently divorced friends, colleagues, and former patients. To my surprise, I found that many echo Tom’s enthusiasm.

While divorce and its adjustments aren’t easy, many newly single people say they are seeing its silver lining … in sex.

Dr. Andy Trees, author of "A Scientific Guide to Successful Dating," says Internet dating has really changed the game.

“Divorced people find it much easier to get back in the saddle so to speak," Trees said. "I also think this is a classic case of the power of chemistry in the early months. Sex with someone new is always exciting in a way that sex with a familiar partner isn't (which isn't to say that long-term sexual intimacy doesn't have pluses as well).”

“At first I was cautious," said Sandra*, 38. "Our culture treats divorced people like babies or wounded birds. Everyone says things like ‘Take it slow, be careful, you’re still getting over a painful situation.' And all this advice made me feel unsure of myself. But after my first post-divorce hookup - and first orgasm in years - I realized that this bird has wings and it’s time to soar!”

Says Kristen Mark, a sex researcher at Indiana University, “When sexual desires aren’t being met for a long period of time, you can feel really trapped, like the real you isn’t able to shine.”

Adds psychicatrist Gail Saltz, “Embedded in divorce sex is the knowledge that your partner has in essence rejected you, or at least let you go, and part of hot sex is the unconscious desire to show them what a mistake they made by not keeping you.”

Sometimes life after divorce can reinforce a person’s libido type or help them discover what they like and don’t like, as is the case with David*, 39, twice married and divorced: “It took me two marriages to realize that I like a lot of sexual excitement and experimentation, but I’m also a romantic. I believe in marriage and monogamy, but if and when I get married again ... it’s going to be with a woman who enjoys the kinkier side of life.”

The enjoyment of sex after divorce may also have something to do with a sense of deserving a bit of hard-earned sexual selfishness.

Take Karen*, 38, who says, “I’d always heard that women experience their sexual prime later in life, but I never understood that. The more I was in my marriage and the older I got, the less sexual I felt. Then I got divorced and started having casual sex again. For the first time in a long time I was with men who were making an effort to pleasure me and discover what I liked, and I wasn’t shy or bashful about letting them know. I am having a sexual peak, but it’s not physical, it’s mental.”

With all the fun to be had, is there a downside? And are there any best practices for sex after divorce?

“Watch out for too much too soon,” says, Lance*, 42. “After my divorce, I was like a kid in a candy store. There were women everywhere. And a lot of them were willing to have sex. Suddenly, I was a womanizer.”

He continues, a bit remorseful: “Be honest with the person you’re with. What are you looking for from the sex? I don’t want to get married again, or be in a serious relationship right now, and I need to be clearer about that up front before having sex with someone.”

Remember, too, that just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you’re necessarily wiser. “Practice safe sex,” says Mara*, 58. “My best friend and I both got divorced at the same time and were there for each other. We’re both well past the age of having kids. But I always use protection, and she doesn’t. I try to tell her that STDs are still a real possibility.”

Sex educator Amy Levine confirms that advice. “When ‘you don't know what you don't know’ a lack of sexual knowledge can put someone at risk for a range of STDs. For those that were married for quite a while, sex ed after divorce is imperative!"

And be cautious if you have children. “Don’t bring your fun home if there are kids in the house,” says Trish*. “I want to get married again, and I want my daughter to have a loving stepfather someday. But I’m going to make sure he’s really the one before I bring anyone home.”

There’s one thing everyone agrees on, in theory, if not always in practice: Avoid sex with your ex. Says Tom, who got this whole ball rolling, “I couldn’t believe it. Jackie* and I would be with our lawyers, fighting viciously about money or kids - and then we’d leave and go have hot crazy sex. It was really confusing. Why couldn’t it have been like that when we were married?”

*Names have been changed

soundoff (948 Responses)
  1. brycecan

    Did you know the more partners you have the greater the chance of contracting the number one STD in the world – HPV. It's viral too, like HSV. Bet take the Gardisil vaccine after that divorce before you go out there experiencing that GREAT sex.

    January 19, 2012 at 21:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • 1fatjeff

      Do you what kills sex drive in women? Wedding cake.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:23 | Report abuse |
    • jane

      Most adults already have HPV...even married ones. Not sure the vaccine which only protects against a few strains is suggested for adults over 26.

      January 20, 2012 at 21:51 | Report abuse |
    • Joe

      My wife and I do not have HPV, and plan to stay HPV-free. So not all adults have HPV, and don't want a garden variety of STDs. By the way, HPV is a relatively new name for genital warts, and condoms will not protect you from it. Just be safe out there!

      January 21, 2012 at 20:24 | Report abuse |
    • BobTBuilder

      I don't have HPV and my wife doesn't either. Tell yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better Jane.

      January 21, 2012 at 22:14 | Report abuse |
    • Worried

      @Jane I hope you tell men you have HPV before you sleep with them

      January 21, 2012 at 22:18 | Report abuse |
    • Jim

      Jane is right – most adults have or have had HPV. Just because you don't have visible warts doesn't mean you don't have, or haven't had, the virus. There are over 100 strains of it and only a few cause visible warts.

      January 23, 2012 at 00:15 | Report abuse |
  2. brycecan

    HIV for the most part is spread through gay men, of course that varies with your demographic. In some areas the incidence is high between heterosexuals, consult the CDC to see what groups are at high risk.

    January 19, 2012 at 21:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • idiot_killer

      Are you stuck in the 80's? HIV is a human problem not a gay one. If you don't protect yourself during sex you're inviting herpes, HIV and other STD's into your system. Some of these come at a heavy price and can be managed but not cured. Don't blame the gay population to discount your level of risk – everyone is at risk.

      January 19, 2012 at 21:54 | Report abuse |
    • aln0110

      Keep spreading myths like that and it will be known as THE heterosexual problem before you know it.

      January 19, 2012 at 23:53 | Report abuse |
    • glj


      January 20, 2012 at 15:41 | Report abuse |
    • jane

      Wrong. The increase is in heterosexuals and women are very at risk.

      January 20, 2012 at 21:52 | Report abuse |
    • J R Brown

      While gays are the root source of the HIV/AIDS pandemic that has blighted America, it's no longer a "gay disease" in terms of the overall all picture. From drug abusers, rapists and men/women who get it from their cheating spouses, the disease is spread in a plethora of ways...the only real truth to HIV/AIDS is that if you have it, you know a sleazeball too well.

      January 21, 2012 at 10:45 | Report abuse |
    • jim

      Don't kid yourself, it's still faqqots that are at risk!

      January 22, 2012 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
    • john

      Wow, you should wear a gag and a condom. I remember when the majority of AIDS cases were gays and Haitians. THe joke then was that hardest thing about AIDS was convincing your parents that you're Haitian. Stupid then. Stupid Now.

      I am HIV- and have a very active sex life. Condoms work. Oh, I have a very active GAY sex life – so I am not familiar with trying to have sex with women (aka low sex drives). Enjoy commenting about this, I am sure you have plenty of time. Gotta go – have sex. bye.

      January 23, 2012 at 15:21 | Report abuse |
  3. brycecan

    Bend Over is the one person on this site most,likely to have at least 3 STD's. I'd say two are treatable but not curable and the other was treated and cured – chlamydia.

    January 19, 2012 at 21:43 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Isn't it time for your electroshock and medication? Lol

      Always the fat wingnuts.

      January 20, 2012 at 10:30 | Report abuse |
  4. Paul

    I wish I had gotten a Divorce! Hadn't had sex with wife in 30 years.

    January 20, 2012 at 00:05 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Nixelplic

      I hear you Bro, been married 21y and ashamed to say I may get it 1-2 times a month. To me its a violation of the marriage

      January 20, 2012 at 06:43 | Report abuse |
    • wildabeast24

      So what are you doing wrong in bed? Most woman want to have great sex as long s she is satisfied FIRST!

      January 20, 2012 at 07:11 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Windabeast24, you're a vacuous idiot and, obviously, have never had sex in your life.

      January 20, 2012 at 10:11 | Report abuse |
    • NC

      I feel bad for you Paul 🙁

      January 20, 2012 at 13:11 | Report abuse |
    • Wham Bam

      That sucks!! Been married almost 15 years and still hook up 4-5 times a week with the wife...I made sure that we were sexually compatible in the beginning and we have been a loving but expressive couple since..And no we don't swing... But we do keep it interesting....

      January 20, 2012 at 15:29 | Report abuse |
    • SilentBoy741

      I know, man. The line for that is around the block. It's crazy!

      January 20, 2012 at 23:55 | Report abuse |
    • Tim

      Get out now, I guarantee you she's f^$%&g someone else.

      January 21, 2012 at 11:03 | Report abuse |
  5. KeithTexas

    Banging the same chick for 37 years, it is still hot and we still have crazy sex now and then. She has always made herself available for me any time I wanted sex. I have always tried to give her the kind of love she needed to feel secure and cared for.

    She knows what I need and wants me to be happy. I know what she needs to feel like she is the most important thing in my life.

    January 20, 2012 at 00:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jack D

      Good thing you don't know any better. Enjoy, you sap.

      January 20, 2012 at 00:18 | Report abuse |
    • chuchingirl

      keep enjoy! you are very fortunate

      January 20, 2012 at 00:56 | Report abuse |
    • chuchingirl

      keep enjoying, i meant, hehe

      January 20, 2012 at 00:57 | Report abuse |
    • Cstnco

      Sour grapes, Jack D. KeithTexas has substance.

      January 20, 2012 at 01:05 | Report abuse |
    • Nixelplic

      Very fortunate Bro, keep doing what works and I wish you both the best

      January 20, 2012 at 06:44 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Nothing sounds more appealing that enjoying a healthy sex life with someone who has bad hips/back, takes their teeth out and puts them in a glass next to the bed and races to bed in their walker. Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 10:31 | Report abuse |
    • j.h davis

      ive been divorced for 13 yrs,and after dateing lots of women,i finally met the best woman in the world,we have sex 3 times a day,on a regular basis,at nite when i come home from work shes dressed up very sexy,we both are in our 40s,and were having the best time of our life,if you have a women who does not enjoy sex,something is wrong,all i can tell you is to keep lookin,cause i went through a dozen or so,before i found her,sex is great,and healthy for you,im a lucky man,it just keeps gettin better and better....good luck to all you divorced men..

      January 20, 2012 at 14:00 | Report abuse |
    • RickInPA

      god bless you man!

      January 20, 2012 at 14:29 | Report abuse |
    • j.h davis

      i think a name like ben dover,answeres it all ben dover.means how its sounds,ben dover,take one in the rear,,what u think sammyo?i think our boy ben dover will hold one till the swellin goes down..

      January 20, 2012 at 14:38 | Report abuse |
    • aw

      wow.. wish u could train the men out there.. this is what makes a good marriage.. u go

      January 20, 2012 at 14:55 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      AW, "train"? This is why smart men don't get married, especially to fat slobs like you. FU

      January 20, 2012 at 20:23 | Report abuse |
    • martin n

      j. h. davis – sounds like you are addicted to sex, both you and her. what if one of you couldn't have sex after a point or just didn't want to have it 3 times a day anymore? are you going to divorce again? Because all sex eventually winds down, and if that's your major connecting point and the cornerstone of your relationship, I am afraid you haven't gotten the best partner you can get (in my view, that is).

      January 23, 2012 at 04:33 | Report abuse |
  6. chuchingirl

    i don't think it has anything to do with divorce....it has to do with practice and chemistry: that my involve a lot of partners or maybe just one......you also have to know yourself because if you don't understand what pleases you, how is somebody else supposed to figure that out for you?

    January 20, 2012 at 00:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Will

    This is the dumbest thing I've ever read in my life with the possible exception of EVERY OTHER COLUMN this idiot has written.

    January 20, 2012 at 01:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Scott

      @Will. I could not agree more is an idiot. Not only an idiot but also, not terribly in touch with reality iether.

      January 20, 2012 at 17:04 | Report abuse |
  8. young ben dover

    get off bens nuts this guy is living the life maybe im just to young to understand marriage but banging 1 women for the rest of my life? no thanks marriage is a waste of time and outdated why cant u just be with a girl nowadays without her shoving marriage down your throat am i right fellas? anyways for what its worth live it up while your young thats my plan forget kids and marriage until at minimum at the age of 30 haha

    January 20, 2012 at 04:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sugartaste81

      Yeah, immaturity is SUCH a turn on. LOL!!!

      January 20, 2012 at 13:26 | Report abuse |
  9. ME

    who wants to bet as much as ben dover talks about how much money he makes he is a fat ass computer nerd who lives with mommy jacking off to all the lies he makes up on here. people like him make me sick. there is nothing greater in this world then to share your life with somone you truley love.

    January 20, 2012 at 04:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Robert Meyers

    Of course it gets better, It's the novelty of a new partner. Just wait a while and it can become the same old thing. If you married too young or inexperienced, don't have sex anymore with your partner or whatever other reason, a new relationship is exciting. Those who are ling term happily married and have a good sex life, consider yourselves fortunate.

    January 20, 2012 at 06:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Nixelplic

    Im 43 and married for 21y with 3 wonderfull kids BUT in my opinion Marriage is one of those tales handed down like the lochness monster or big foot lol! The goals arent realistic and I firmly believe people make it fun because of whats expected. Cool if you meet someone and you want to spend all of your time with them, but damn do we really need to "swear, promise and sign sh#@??" Do what works for you, your partner and your morals Dude.

    January 20, 2012 at 06:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • wildabeast24

      Yes, been married 27 and am young here. Only 49! My marriage has been rough! Trying to get through the ups and downs. Our children now grown it is very hard! Marriage these days good luck! Yikes I say. Talked to a priest and he says marriage is going out. Now what? Really? I thought about leaving my marriage but you know what a new guy and new problems I figured.

      January 20, 2012 at 07:16 | Report abuse |
  12. wildabeast24

    Hey I love sex it is fun! Yes, guys I love it! But guys have to understand a few things. If you please her outside the bedroom she will be a willing partner in bed. If you have seriously wined and dined her and she is not sexually active...well it is time to leave. A sexual woman loves the foreplay but if she isn't interested move on. Foreplay includes everything but sex. Listen, talk and shop and you will have great sex!!!! Just saying! Hey lets rock in bed!

    January 20, 2012 at 07:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. marriagesuck

    i've been married for about 4 yrs now and this crap sucks...i married way to young and now i feel like exploring ...i think of my kid so i dont get a divorce but i totally agree marriage is overated

    January 20, 2012 at 07:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • guest

      Sometimes splitting is the better choice. I grew up in a household where I had parents who hated each other, lots of arguing and verbal abuse. I never really witnessed affection between my mother and father. I feel it traumatized me in a way. I'm actually amazed that I'm even capable of having a healthy affectionate relationship with my own spouse. It would've been better for everyone I'm sure if my parents split.

      January 20, 2012 at 09:34 | Report abuse |
    • Ed

      Marriage is usually better the second time around because people know what they want and like, know what they don't want and don't like, and usually don't waste time on someone who doesn't fit the bill. My wife and I met after our divorces, we are great for each other and each is the opposite of the others' ex. Go figure.

      January 23, 2012 at 00:14 | Report abuse |
  14. guest

    Lets face it, most men and women are not compatible when it comes to that topic. People tend to blow off the stereotype that sex life dissipates after marriage, but its far from being just a stereotype. As a male in a monogamous marriage for 5 years, I will say that this type of relationship definitely goes against the grain of our natural instincts. Not to say I want out as I'm happy, but I completely understand others who feel trapped. More often than not, females are perfectly fine having a non-sexual relationship (or minimal one) with their spouse of many years, but that is rarely a satisfying relationship for a man. And females don't have the capacity to understand how the man feels in that situation. I think if more people understood this before getting married, the less chance people would rush into it and end up in an unsatisfying marriage. The religious fundamentals greatly exacerbates this problem by turning the act of sex into this villainous, evil act that magically becomes wonderful as soon as a marriage vow is taken. They sorta condition women to be closed in this regards, and relationships suffer as a result.

    January 20, 2012 at 09:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      MEN created Religion AND Marriage so quit your bi&%hing!

      January 20, 2012 at 12:22 | Report abuse |
    • NC

      Well said guest.

      January 20, 2012 at 13:19 | Report abuse |
    • sugartaste81

      "Females"? Dear lord...so what's your theory for when WOMEN (not "females") aren't getting enough, and look outside the relationship???

      January 20, 2012 at 13:28 | Report abuse |
    • jane

      Its not satisfying for most women either. As a woman any time I have not wanted sex in a relationship I was not happy with/in the relationship...the lack of sex was a symptom. Of course at the time I didn't realize it and tried to convince myself that was normal.

      January 20, 2012 at 21:57 | Report abuse |
    • Jorge

      Valerie, I'm with Guest, but given that, I'm DYING for you to put forward an alternative.

      January 23, 2012 at 07:40 | Report abuse |
  15. JQP1122

    Mount Everest. That's what I equate marriage to even if sex is frequent. Mount Everest is one of the greatest challenges in the world and when on top has probably the greatest view found anywhere in the world. But having said that, once you climb it do you really ever need to climb it again.

    That is what you cannot adequately explain to a twenty something (especially a man) entering into marriage for the first time. That you may be in love and lust with your fiancee and soon to be spouse today but many times 20 years later love and even frequent sex will not diminish desire for sex with others. And couple that with a man or woman who is older / experienced, good career, healthy, and most importantly physcially fit / attractive and the opportunities are countless.

    [As a rule there are exceptions but they are less common – that caveat to avoid the inevitable comments from the peanut gallery] Trust me ladies, you want to increase your chances that your man will be faithful, marry an ugly, overweght man. He will have fewer opportunities and therefore will be less inclined to stray because even if his desire is to do so he will have little to no opportunities.

    January 20, 2012 at 09:53 | Report abuse | Reply
    • IgotID

      Ah JQP1122, you took the words out of my mouth. I know guys in their 20's and they just cant grasp this. Some of them are so ginned up to get married. These are educated, good looking men, with good jobs. It almost brings a tear to my eye when I see them making this kind of a promise to someone. 60 years with someone and no one else? Really? Come on now.

      January 20, 2012 at 10:03 | Report abuse |
    • cyber

      I have to disagree with the part about ugly men being less likely to stray. Two words: Newt Gingrich. They may be MORE likely because of their insecurities. There are so many women who will throw themselves at anything in pants that there will be plenty of opportunities even if they're unappealing, especially if they flash a little cash. It's not about looks; it's about character.

      January 20, 2012 at 10:13 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      Sorry I don't buy the Newt Gringrich argument. The man is a powerful politician, and doesn't represent the typical unattractive, overweight male. I think its true that a guy who isn't full of confidence and has a wife that looks better than him is more likely to cherish her than a guy who knows he could find other women easily if he needed to.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:01 | Report abuse |
    • zywie

      So either you have to marry an ugly man or marry an unfaithful man? Sounds like a lose/lose situation to me.

      January 20, 2012 at 13:22 | Report abuse |
    • NC

      Agree with you other than "marry a man who is ugly, fat, bald and POOR". If not, he can still find some willing females.

      January 20, 2012 at 13:27 | Report abuse |
    • jane

      Want to increase my chances of never wanting sex? Marry a fat ugly man. Seriously though I'd rather be single and date and actually want sex.

      January 20, 2012 at 21:59 | Report abuse |
  16. sammyo

    the de-moralizing of america. what ever happened to keeping your values and morals high on the list? this is sick man and i'm pretty open minded. the problem isn't marriage, or divorce, the problem is with people being so f-ing selfish and unrealistic with their lives. people like this shouldn't be on a pedestal, they need to GROW UP.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. sammyo

    the whole point to marriage is to grow up and have a family. if you can't stand the thought of being with someone for a long time, don't have frickin kids on top of it! i really hate people with this kind of mentality. maybe the average american is just dumb, or maybe this is natures way of trying to get rid of all the inbreds in this country now. who know's, all i can tell is this "lowering your standards" for how to act is really getting old.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:14 | Report abuse | Reply
    • guest

      The point is that nobody can predict that the married life will become so unsatisfying. They are mislead to thinking marriage leads to happiness but more often than not it doesn't. Putting the kids first is fine and great, but when their parents are unhappy, the kids know it and it hurts them regardless of how hard the parents try to pretend there is no problem in the marriage. Now sucking it up because they made a committment is unrealistic. You only get to live once.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:26 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      nobody can MAKE you happy my friend. do you have experience with this situation or marriage? it kind of goes like this...you get married, either both people are selfless and work on things or both are selfish, or one person happens to be selfish and the other suffers. the problem is that, people who are that selfish should NEVER get married, let alone have kids. i suggest if you are someone like this, do not get married again, and do not try to lead someone on simply to get a piece of action. ive seen this kind of thing unraveling many times, it all begins with selfishness that's it.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:30 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      I've been married for 5 years, so I do have some experience. I totally disagree that having personal needs is selfish. Every human being on earth has personal needs. If those needs are not met, then happiness doesn't result. When a person is unhappy, then it affects EVERYONE around them, including their beloved children. You cannot be a good parent if you are 1) unhappy with yourself, or 2) unhappy with the relationship you have with your spouse.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:33 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      i can tell you right off the bat then what your problem is. communication. you know that's the number one reason why people divorce, you'll carry that same problem with you in your next relationship too.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:35 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      I never said anything about my own relationship, so there's no need to make assumptions about me. First you say selfishness is the problem, now its communication? How about most people are in over their heads when they get married.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:37 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      stats show communication being the number one reason of marital breakdown. i mention selfishness because that's where all that stems from. it's hard i know i'm married with kids also, but i see the bigger picture as much as i can, how your interactions form your children s lives. the only reasons for divorce in my opinion, is if someone is either cheating on you, abusing you, substance abuse or a habitual liar. other than that, humans have ups and downs and people either are realistic about their spouse or they are not. expectations play a HUGE role in dissapointment, until you realize your spouse isn't a robot you will be forever unhappy with everyone you meet.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:43 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      Only in a perfect world does your theory hold true. First truth is that most of us are incapable of choosing the right partner for a lifelong marriage commitment. It is a difficult decision for anyone to make. Second, it is not always possible to remain in love with your spouse. No matter how well you communicate, if there is no passion, the relationship is doomed. Its our nature to want to have more than just a platonic friendship with our spouse.

      The one thing I will agree on is selfish people should not marry. Not everyone who has a failed marriage is selfish though, but Tiger Woods is an example of a selfish person who never should have married. He was never devoted to his wife from the beginning because of his love of other women. That isn't the same as someone who strays because they are totally dis-satisified with their marriage and feels trapped because things just didn't go as they had hoped.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:52 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, when you cite "stats" provide your sources or STFU. Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:55 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      the media encouages selfish behavior it's what makes people want to buy, buy, buy some more and get into mega debt and foreclose on their home. vicious cycles in this country and people keep scratching their heads wondering why is the divorce rate so high? why are people so miserable? hmmm big mystery??

      January 20, 2012 at 12:00 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, I can see you are seriously intellectually and logically challenged. Were you a "special" child? lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:04 | Report abuse |
    • NC

      @ guest:
      You are a very wise and mature person. Your comments make a lot of sense.

      January 20, 2012 at 13:36 | Report abuse |
  18. John of Indiana

    After getting out of my last marriage, which was abusive, I didn't date for more than a year, and when I did "re-enter the game", all I attracted were women who had been abused and were just as screwed-up as me. The sex was infrequent and frankly, not as satisfying as a video and lotion.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:15 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sammyo

      cause that's reality, the grass is never greener and best way to keep happy is to help others and to form healthy relationships regardless if it's romantic or not.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:24 | Report abuse |
  19. sammyo

    and wouldn't it be refreshing if large media chumps like cnn, would be a little more say, POSITIVE for forming healthy relationships and letting go of selfishness and greed? but maybe that's because cnn is the pimp for corporations, and these corporations have the morals of a leaches poo.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Please, STFU, cretin.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:32 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      what a catch you must be

      January 20, 2012 at 11:33 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, it's obvious you're fat and fugly. Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:46 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      quite the opposite. but does that matter

      January 20, 2012 at 11:49 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, what's it like wearing a size 16?

      January 20, 2012 at 11:57 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      size 16? dude, i've modeled before, i've been successful in athletics, i live in a 750k home, i'm educated.should that matter, absolutely not. you know what matters having a big heart, having compassion for others and wanting to leave a positive impact in the world. good luck.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:03 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      So, Sammyo, you're a pathological liar and obese. Good to know.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:05 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      a name like bend over just screams the fact you are either a. adolescent who should be paying attention in class, or b. a sad man who like to cut up people because the insecurities are just oozing out like jelly. keep it coming man, if you can dish it out, u better take it too, that's what i tell my significant other, only fair right!?

      January 20, 2012 at 12:10 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, honey have you read how illogical, irrational, histrionic, uninformed and shrill your arguments/positions are? I suggest you go back and read them. You sound more foolish and childlike with each posting. Lol

      January 20, 2012 at 12:21 | Report abuse |
  20. Lynn

    For the cheating SOB the sex does get better. For the left behind ex-wife there is no sex. Who can she trust after being betrayed, embarassed, ashamed, crushed, humiliated and destroyed??????????

    January 20, 2012 at 11:23 | Report abuse | Reply
    • guest

      You know when a man has a wife who has no interest in being intimate with him, these are some of the same feelings he feels. But the difference is the wife who doesn't care enough about her spouse to want to please him is never to blame.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:30 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      a cheater always blames the other person so they don't have responsibility for their sh!tty behavior. kind of what a 5 year old does when they want to get out of trouble. it's the wimps that cheat my friend.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:33 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      I love how you uniformly blame men. Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:33 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      I wouldn't expect anything different. The real question I have is why when a wife doesn't want to get intimate with their spouse, do they get so hurt when their spouse seeks that intimacy elsewhere?

      January 20, 2012 at 11:41 | Report abuse |
    • glj

      A little angry at your ex?

      January 20, 2012 at 15:46 | Report abuse |
    • craknup

      Wow – I had to take a step back and re-read your post. I too, have been in a marriage where the man cheated and trust me it wasn't b/c I wasn't giving it up – we'd do it 3-4 times a day EVERY day. It was insecurities and him thinking that he needed other women and that the grass was greener on the other side! Now, we've been separated for quite a few years now, I'm guessing he's "getting some" from somewhere else, I'm not, and you know what I'm not sad about it either. But where I was going with this is that the subject does come up and he brings up the fact that no one else could do it like me. So he realized that he was wrong. But we are still good friends and keep it that way.

      Like others though – don't group all men together. I know not all men are like that and those that were at one time can change, if they want to. But it's gotta be about more than just sex.

      January 20, 2012 at 17:53 | Report abuse |
  21. sammyo

    i'm sure there is more to that story that meets the eye. the black and white picture of yes or not, or they want to or not is NEVER the case. that's an exaggeration i'm sure. again, it's the expectations of what's wrong and if you can't communicate your needs and come to some of kind of humane understanding well that's still your problem and not hers.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:47 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, fat chicks like you always talk about "communication". I suggest an aggressive weight loss plan 1st.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:00 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      the fact that you can barely string more than one sentence explains everything to me, funny how that is, eh?

      January 20, 2012 at 12:11 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, oh the irony of your comment. Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:46 | Report abuse |
  22. Ben Dover

    What I find ironic here is the hysterical, shrill, irrational, unreasonable/illogical responses of women. The CPA I use for my personal affairs has been married for 21 years. For 18 of those years, there has been no intimacy since she claims she experiences physical pain. Neither of them are overweight/fat and there are no disabilities or problems. So, understandably, this affects him and he is supposed to be "warm, understanding and nurturing" all while he doesn't get any. So, for the past 12 years or so he has either has "girlfriends" or high paid h00kers service him. Fast forward to 2011 and his wife finds out and comes unhinged. But, when they go to counseling and the counselor points out the "no intimacy" issue his wife engages in elaborate self deception and the (typical) female double standard which is the norm. But women think he's in the wrong. Sorry, but he's not. She clearly is. Personally, I would've dumped her 6 months after the "no intimacy" issue began and moved on to greener pastures. Most of you ladies are seriously delusional and incredibly myopic and stupid. But, that's SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) And you wonder why guys really don't want to get married and/or would like to have some action on a semi-regular basis? Lol.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:51 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sammyo

      ok first off again, you really believe this guy wasn't getting any from the wife, oh because he was stating that? come on now, again the 5 year old mentality of blaming someone else to get out of trouble. you know why she got mad? because he was deceitful that's why. it's not black and white and people with this mindset often find themselves alone not because they aren't good people because they are hypocrites that's why. you'll understand this sooner or later...

      January 20, 2012 at 11:54 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, Cupcake, I know them both and he wasn't getting any, ever. She admitted it. Again, please STFU. lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:58 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      You are saying its not black and white but are saying its 100% the guy's fault.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:02 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      I'll be the first to criticize a man who just doesn't care to stay faithful, but this scenario you describe is far too common. The female response is ALWAYS, 'well there's a good reason she didn't give him any', despite knowing nothing about the situation. So its the guys fault even though the wife did not communicate that there is anything he could have done to make her want to get intimate. Truth is for men in this situation, the wife just doesn't care how it affects him. She wants him to do the yard work and be chivalrous, but doesn't want to do any favors in return. Then when the marriage crumbles its the bad guy who is being 'selfish'.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:04 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Guest, and you would be 100% correct. But most women are delusional.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:06 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      this scenario is common? everyone is a cpa who is sick of their job, who has a wife that is ill? why not get divorced first and then have your flings? but wait, that's the humane thing to do right? and you are excusing this, because?>...

      January 20, 2012 at 12:13 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, now aren't you late for your "curves" class and methadone? Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:22 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      Just so you know, i think you're acting just as childish as ben dover in your responses.

      Anyways divorce is one of the biggest decisions someone could make in their life. It has enormous implications on finances (ie. bankruptcy often results), psychological effects on the children, real estate, etc. Not to say cheating is the right answer, but is not as black and white as YOU make it out to be (how ironic?). Sometimes that is the past of least resistance, even though its the least moral path to take. Ideally both parties would communicate via counseling and resolve their issues. Often this leads to the divorce route. People are human and make mistakes. There is no simple path to take. Use some critical thinking, stop being so white and black.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:24 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Guest, my prenuptial agreement protected me financially when I filed for divorce after 4 years. I suggest everyone have one when getting married. A 55% divorce rate for 1st marriages does not lie. The facts are:
      1. Staying married in a bad situation DOES NOT help the children of a marriage.
      2. Having physical intimacy is VERY important and to deride or minimize it's importance only demonstrates the igorance and selfishness of the commenter.
      3. Children, intimacy and/or money should not be used as a weapon but, chronically, are by women primarily. "Communication" about these issues really shouldn't be necessary. This is the ground that should've been covered prior to getting married. If any of these are an issue during marriage, it's over and time to move on like adults.
      4. Getting fat and/or not taking care of yourself is selfish, pathetic and a deal breaker. This demonstrates you don't care about your partner, period end of story. This is the same for other serious issues like drug/alcohol addiction, etc.
      5. Prenups should be mandatory and detailed.
      6. Marriage is the formation of a corporation, of 2 people. Those that think it isn't are foolish and don't understand family law and how it works. If you break up with your girlfriend the state doesn't get involved. You file for marital dissolution, and the state IS involved, automatically. The 1st thing most women ask in a divorce is how much am I going to get and when am I going to get it. Divorce is merely the unwinding of a bad business deal. The more practical/pragmatic you are the better the result. The problem here is that most women, if children are involved, use them as a bargaining chip.
      7. Keep your credit separate. Not everyone is responsible in how they manage their affairs. If you're going to get married you'd better know about the financial status of your spouse.

      I'm just dealing in facts. No sex = dump the spouse.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:45 | Report abuse |
    • J

      Yes, the guy is in the wrong. Cheating is considered unacceptable by most people. If sex is that important to you than communicate that fact out and either figure out how to make it happen between the two of you, divorce her, or if she agrees you have other people on the side. How he went about it was deceitful and with a little bit of communication was avoidable.

      January 20, 2012 at 16:04 | Report abuse |
    • GIgi

      Wow – getting your azz kicked by a woman or two is no reason to get so hateful. Puts you in a difficult position – you hate the gender connected to the body parts you crave. That makes you hate even more. That is sad. Therapy may help.

      January 23, 2012 at 03:28 | Report abuse |
    • Melissa

      what i think is sad is you. I started this blog out, actually my first, because I have no time for this kind of thing, I was simply reading cnn during a spare minute, and was overwhelmed my a needy person: you. The thing that is amazing to me is that you simply have no idea how monumently sad and pathetic you see. I don't know you, I don't have the first clue about what you are angry about. The only thing I can say is that you are need to be careful, what you are predicting will come true for you, the way you believe, that will be what is. Men of integrity, men who take charge of their families, who chose their spouses wisely, who do not blame anyone other than themselves first, these ar the med who do not look to put women down on anonymous blogs. A real man takes care of his family. A real man lives with his responsibility in what his mistakes are. You were married. It is only, really, the stupidest of people who do not consider their part in the demise of their marriage. Grow up, Ben, and stop polluting the world. Maybe, just maybe, you might be a contributing person to our worlds if you just get over yourself and stop acting like a toddler.

      February 17, 2012 at 01:44 | Report abuse |
  23. sammyo

    oh and the fact that he was a CPA only means that he has the black and white thinking of an accountant. that would be my best guess..

    January 20, 2012 at 11:55 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Do you even have you GED? Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 11:59 | Report abuse |
    • sammyo

      oh and because someone has a cpa must mean they are god, right? not that hard to get cpa dude. that's why arthur anderson is still strong today, wait...
      and yes accountants are very black and white that's why they do what they do..

      January 20, 2012 at 12:07 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      Sammyo, don't you know that crack kills? You're the only person here who is more vapid, dumb and vacuous than your postings could even remotely suggest. Lol

      January 20, 2012 at 12:24 | Report abuse |
  24. guest

    I've been married for 14 years and my wife and I are both in our 40s. The sex in the last 5 years or so has been the best of my life and my wife agrees. I learned to focus on her first and that has made all the difference. To each his own, I guess, but I'm thrilled to have such an awesome wife to have sex with for the rest of my life – it keeps getting better!

    January 20, 2012 at 12:25 | Report abuse | Reply
    • guest

      Unfortunately though you seem to fit into the minority. For most guys I know, sex is a chore for the wife and not really something they desire too much for their own gratification. This despite the fact that the guys would be willing to do do anything for their spouse in that regards. Its a biological problem/incompatibility or maybe they are conditioned by the christian fundamentalists out there? Not sure but I think its a bigger problem then most people realize because of close-mindedness.

      January 20, 2012 at 12:34 | Report abuse |
    • JQP1122

      You need to refer to some of my previous comments. Many people are blaming the wife and I do not think that is correct in many instances. I do not want to be crude but here it is. Even if you are eating lobster with well balanced fruits and vegetables every day, sometimes you may just desire a steak. I know this is simplistic but I think you get the point. And again, this desire is impossible to predict when you first make the committment to eat lobster for the rest of your life. That sentence is for those "why get married in the first place" people/comments

      January 20, 2012 at 12:44 | Report abuse |
    • guest

      won't work

      January 20, 2012 at 13:10 | Report abuse |
  25. DUTCH


    Way too many Religious pretenders here! Committing this act of Adultery is a huge SIN, and is such a taboo, Yikes! But only in America! Take the French for example; They live a life surrounded with mystery and full of itty-bitty secrets. Indulging with a magnitude of sexual partners, I don’t know a Frenchman or French-Lady that does not have a Mistress, Concubine, Master or Mister. (The Man of the house a “Master” while the sex partner is a “Mister”)…

    Speaking towards the selfish here; If you are trapped on the idea of Adultery, then of course your marriage or relationship will suffer sadly. If you cannot satisfy your partner, then let that partner satisfy themselves by which means necessary. If you cannot separate SEX from LOVE, then sorry for you, not much of a relationship is it?

    If you can make the separation, then enjoy the wild side! Sex is always exciting with someone exciting ;-P

    January 20, 2012 at 12:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. DUTCH

    O-ya I not the frenchy, but my mistress is... And my Lady (wife) is also! We are more then best friends, and with play sex out of the way, we enjoy eachother without the pressures. Of course we still make Love!
    One personal rule, don't try and hunt for a prettier/ handsome or charming sex partner. When you play this game your not looking for a replacement in Love, if so then you need to end your relationship with the loved one, and find what you really are looking for!

    January 20, 2012 at 12:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Likeit Matters

    Let's try some logic: Ben Dover is clearly a troll. Obvious troll is obvious. Since he/she/it(?) is a troll, it would follow that I a)cannot take anything Ben Dover says seriously, and b) neither should anyone else.

    For those who doubt this piece of logic:

    Definition of trolling:

    Trolling refers to any behavior that is meant to intentionally anger or frustrate someone else. It is often associated with online discussions where users are subjected to offensive or superfluous posts and messages in order to provoke a response.

    Example of trolling:

    The Theory of the Green Hair: Understanding Trolls

    The following is another excerpt from “The Trolls Among Us” which was an article in the New York Times about trolling.[14] In this portion, James Fortuny, a central figure behind the Megan Meier posthumous trolling, explains the concept of trolling and how it stops.

    Fortuny: “You have green hair. Did you know that?”
    Mattathias: “No,”
    Fortuny: “Why not?”
    Mattathias: “I look in the mirror. I see my hair is black.”
    Fortuny: “That’s uh, interesting. I guess you understand that you have green hair about as well as you understand that you’re a terrible reporter.”
    Mattathias: “What do you mean? What did I do?”
    Fortuny: “That’s a very interesting reaction. why didn’t you get so defensive when I said you had green hair?” If I were certain that I wasn’t a terrible reporter, he explained, I would have laughed the suggestion off just as easily. The willingness of trolling “victims” to be hurt by words, he argued, makes them complicit, and trolling will end as soon as we all get over it.

    (names added for clarity, bold text added for emphasis)

    Does this seem familiar (read any of Ben Dover's comments about how [insert name of anyone who disagrees with him] is a fat, middle-aged woman or stupid, or mentally ill)? Don't let this moron ruin your day, folks. Oh yeah, and a) don't read articles like this and b) don't read the comments because they just feed into the problems we have in this world today. I certainly won't make the mistake of reading this sort of trash again. Also, I fully expect one of Ben Dover's "clever" one-liners in response to this post. Too bad I don't care.

    January 20, 2012 at 12:57 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Well, we can see you truly have no life. Lol.

      January 20, 2012 at 13:22 | Report abuse |
    • NC

      Thanks for explaining what a "troll" means:)

      January 20, 2012 at 13:58 | Report abuse |
    • Joe Jo

      NC, try looking in the mirror sometime.

      January 20, 2012 at 16:12 | Report abuse |
  28. Mark

    I have had the best sexual experiance anyone could possibly ask for with my wife of 54 years. I feel that most of the time it is the mans fault for not knowing how, when, where, and why you even have sex with a wonderful wife. I would not trade my sex life with my wife for hundreds of out of wedlock sexual activities. Satisfied with best married sex life. PS And no worry about STD's. Do it the way God intended it to be done, with your married mate.

    January 20, 2012 at 14:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • JQP1122

      Great for you but based on statistics you would be in the minority. And bringing God into it, ughh.

      Do me a favor forget everything else and answer one question for me. In school, if you got 50% wrong on a test what letter grade would you receive and what is the full word of that letter grade?

      January 20, 2012 at 14:16 | Report abuse |
    • Joe Jo

      So you own a body bag with multiple holes in it? Good thinking!

      January 20, 2012 at 15:40 | Report abuse |
  29. shiny star

    bendover...who seriously has enough time on their hands to comment on a cnn news story over a 2 day period....I feel sorry for you

    January 20, 2012 at 14:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Likeit Matters

      LOL no kidding! I posted about his obvious trolling and he says it's obvious I have no life. Just count the number of comments (most of them designed to be hurtful or deriding) he's posted and then try and take anything this hypocrite says seriously. Oh NO!!! The troll figured me out- I have NO LIFE! Nah, just bored and found this whole circus entertaining- couldn't resist feeding the troll and trying to cheer up some of the people who posted here who may have been hurt by his stooopidness. Keep it up, Bend OVER- this is fun! 😀

      January 20, 2012 at 15:05 | Report abuse |
    • Joe Jo

      I'm sorry how fat and unattractive did you say you are?

      January 20, 2012 at 15:44 | Report abuse |
  30. Wham Bam

    You just don't buy a car off the lot without a test drive....If people take the time to be open and honest about what they desire sexually in the beginning of the relationship they find out much faster if it's worth it to take the relationship to the next level..And yes there are women who want the fairytale romance but most women will be happy with a good pounding and orgasm when it comes down to it...Choose wisely as I love my wife deeply and completely but when we are in the sack, I throw love out the window and bring the raw passion that women crave in the sack...

    January 20, 2012 at 15:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Michael

    It's all about finding the right woman for you – the one that truly loves sex, has no hang ups, will do anything within reason and loves doing it, and who loves you enough to want to please you. At 50, I finally have that, and for the first time, I'm happy. And I LOVE rocking her world, over and over and over. Yes, you must be just as willing to please as you want her to be.

    January 20, 2012 at 15:43 | Report abuse | Reply
    • rh

      And you show exactly why most people should not get married. Marriage is a crock of BS fed to us by religions and government in the guise of family and friends. I am only married because of government benefits, but I would be with my partner of 25 years (all but two years married due to health insurance) regardless.

      Stop the lie that people must get married, and then only people who want to be together will be together, and government sanctioning of it will be immaterial.

      January 20, 2012 at 17:53 | Report abuse |
  32. Steve C.

    After my divorce the right woman for me has been a phone call away.

    She takes credit cards and guarantees that I will have fun. She's less expensive than a wife and also leaves lots of free time to take my dog to the park.

    She also provides multiple discounts and even group discounts. She never has a headache and never complains. And best of all, she is available in all colors and ages 18 and over.

    January 20, 2012 at 17:52 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Carla Vazq

      A man looking for my sister and... U. My sister and I have fantastic sex lives and we get paid for it. Plus we get to choose our clients, they don't choose us! Sometimes you just have to get down and on top of things! Enjoying sex 3 times each week leaves us with time to walk our dogs too.

      January 20, 2012 at 18:07 | Report abuse |
    • Pink

      Steve, you want to throw Ben that number...sounds like he could use it. He's cranky...he needs to get laid.

      January 22, 2012 at 13:34 | Report abuse |
    • big richard

      Yeah, marriage is fine. If I want variety, I go to the local rub and tug or full service MP. It's not cheating, it's more like masterb8ing but with a personal trainer.

      January 29, 2014 at 19:17 | Report abuse |
  33. Bobbie

    OH YES IT DOES>>>>>WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    January 21, 2012 at 00:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Heyoka

    Yes, sex is better after divorce – you're getting some. And what kills a wife's sex drive? A man who behaves like a child – what normal woman want to have sex with a child?

    January 21, 2012 at 07:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ray

      Ahh those women teachers in the news that have 6ex with their students.

      January 21, 2012 at 09:10 | Report abuse |
    • Heyoka

      @Ray – I wrote what NORMAL woman... Those teachers you're talking about are not normal. Have a good one.

      January 21, 2012 at 19:18 | Report abuse |
  35. stilllearning2b

    I began dating my ex-husband when we were both 16. I was 32 when he left. I felt, as I sure many do, a mixture of excitement (just what was out there?) and fear (just what WAS out there?) as I first re-entered the world of dating and intimacy. Unlike many others stories, my married sex life never waned, so I did not have any expectations of improvement after the end of the marriage. I was surprised; however, to find that my deepening sense of self and my new found sense of adventure led to a satisfying and thrilling intimate life. It was part of the journey of figuring out who I was without him.

    January 21, 2012 at 09:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Honey, he dumped you. Get over it. Move on. It's over and done with. You've officially become the crazy cat lady. You blog about your cats now.

      January 21, 2012 at 10:47 | Report abuse |
  36. BillR

    Most people get divorced because there sex is about non existent. For you idiots who'll jump on that statement, i did say ( MOST ) not all. Woman and men when not satisfied tend to go find another partner which in turn results in divorce. So the answer is simple to the articles question. Is sex better after,,, the answer is YES. Any sex is usually better than what your NOT getting at home.

    January 21, 2012 at 09:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • RS

      Amen Bill. Sex would've been more frequent in my marriage, had I not felt like I had to be a performing monkey. I felt like he wanted me to be on 24/7 for him, and I just couldn't. When you're exhausted or sick or just having a bad day it's hard for anyone to be ready to perform. When there's no pressure and it happens almost naturally it's much better for both parties.

      January 21, 2012 at 14:49 | Report abuse |
    • Ben Dover

      RS, no one wants to have intimacy with a fat slob like you. FU

      January 22, 2012 at 01:09 | Report abuse |
    • Melissa

      ben you are so, so slow. your wife left you. can you really be saying these things? Your wife left you you because you are a horrible, nasty man, who no woman could possibly be attracted to. So, just shut up, and fix your own life. Anhone with this degree of hate should be pitied.

      February 17, 2012 at 01:49 | Report abuse |
  37. L

    Lackluster sex for married women can begin with a couch lump who prefers clutching his remote.

    January 21, 2012 at 10:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • RS

      Or one that likes to pester you every few minutes when you're really just not in the mood.

      January 21, 2012 at 14:46 | Report abuse |
  38. RS

    Mine improved after my husband and I divorced. When I got with another guy, the pressure was off. My ex used to pester me every single day, even more so when I was sick or exhausted or in a bad mood. It was nice not having to deal with that when we split up. Since the divorce I've gotten into a great relationship and the sex has been fantastic. He doesn't bug me about it, which in turn makes me more open to it. When there's no pressure for either of us, it makes it that much better.

    January 21, 2012 at 14:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. popcorn

    Increase risk of STDs?

    January 21, 2012 at 17:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Lizzy

    Okay...So this article is conveying that marriage is all about sex? What happened to growing old with your best friend? We are more than just animals who need sex and food! Humans need emotional connections and nurturing relationships. I'm young and going into a marriage and I am truly excited to go through life with my best friend. If he feels like he needs to have sex with another woman to make him happy then I would let him do that bc all I want is his happiness. I understand that you're not going to be having hot sex all the time...But when I'm old and about to die I want my best friend and my lover through life to be with me....

    January 22, 2012 at 00:07 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ben Dover

      Sorry, fat chicks and chicks that don't like sex or are religious need not apply.

      January 22, 2012 at 01:07 | Report abuse |
    • studdmuffins

      Marriage is never to a best friend.

      January 22, 2012 at 06:00 | Report abuse |
    • Frustrated and conned

      Sure you are

      How does he feel? Do you even care, as long as he brings home the money?

      January 23, 2012 at 14:54 | Report abuse |
  41. Saoirse

    LOL. Ben Dover is great! He reminds me of Patrick Bateman from "American Psycho". I wish he'd call me 'cupcake'.

    January 22, 2012 at 02:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. studdmuffins

    Selective case studies and interviews can prove any side of this issue. Poor article.

    Fact: People who divorce have both failed.

    January 22, 2012 at 05:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Honestly

    Ben Dover! Please step away from your keyboard! You're too stupid to be posting comments.

    January 22, 2012 at 13:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Honestly

    Marriage isn't so complicated. Its the idiots involved that make it chaotic. 1) if you can't commit to someone, then don't. easy right?
    2). If youre married and not sexually satisfied talk to your spouce. Easy right?
    3). if you and your spouse can't come to an agreement the get a divorce. Again.. Its very easy right?
    4). If you think only a man can be sexually dissatisfied, then you've probably never left any woman feeling satisfied. How easy is that? Right?
    5) if if you think your spouse and yourself will stay beautiful, healthy and fit, for all eternity then look at some old baby pics of each other. If you dont see any physical changes from your baby pics then you may be right. But Im guessing you couldn't be more wrong!
    Its this simple... Marriage is not a trap, or a death sentence for your sex life. Its a commitment to share your life in whole with someone. For better or worse. At anytime you can separate, file for divorce, agree on an open marriage with extra marital affairs (if thats what youre into). The main thing her is "HONESTY" if you can't be an honest person, then marriage is not for you! And from what I read from your comments, you can't even be honest with yourself. Sooo....

    January 22, 2012 at 13:22 | Report abuse | Reply

    NEW http://notethicsbutbutchery.blogspot.com/ NEW http://notethicsbutbutchery.blogspot.com/ NEW http://notethicsbutbutchery.blogspot.com/ NEW http://notethicsbutbutchery.blogspot.com/



    January 22, 2012 at 14:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. NoDoubt

    But divorced men are CRAZY. They have so many hang ups. I don't think I can date another one again. They hop onto the dating field too soon and use others to deal with their bs.

    January 22, 2012 at 15:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. mike


    January 22, 2012 at 21:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. dot

    I just wish men would realize that if you treat your spouse with respect and kindness it will get you the sex you wish.
    I am married and sometimes i look at my husband and want to hop in bed, but then he opens his mouth and insults me or yells at me then the idea of having sex goes right out the window.

    January 22, 2012 at 21:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Lizbeth

    I was in a relationship where after about a year and a half, I lost all interest in having and stopped having s-e-x with the guy I was with. I wasn't deliberately withholding it to spite him or anything like that, it was no picnic for me either. The desire just wasn't there anymore. I didn't really understand it at the time. I'd try to talk to him about it and he had me thinking there was something wrong with me. I've since realized HE was a big part of the problem. He was so emotionally, physically and financially draining on me that it made me not want to be with him. I had tryed to get him to understand this but nothing ever changed. We eventually broke up. It was the right thing to do. To this day I still think if he would have just tryed a little harder and treated me better then things would have been different, but you can't change people. Not to sound bitter but it was his loss.

    January 23, 2012 at 03:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Xela

      @Lizbeth It sounds as if you were willing to work on the relationship and communicate your issues with him which says a lot about you. He was lucky to have a partner like that. My ex-wife never said a word to me about her unhappiness. She started a relationship with a co-worker and never said anything to me prior to the betrayal. I feel that unhappy married couples should at least have the decency to communicate their unhappiness to the person they at one point loved before cheating.

      January 26, 2012 at 15:21 | Report abuse |
  50. patw2100

    Ask Newt. Or maybe any woman since they don't seem to mind their husband's cheating on them as long as the husband says he has asked God for forgiveness. This is good to know the fun is about to begin.

    January 23, 2012 at 06:35 | Report abuse | Reply
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