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December 15th, 2011
07:32 AM ET
How many times a day do you think about sex?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
Men, on average, think about sex far less than that much-hyped interval. (Where that 7-second stat originated is anybody’s guess - it’s been bandied about for decades and was probably a misquote of the original Alfred Kinsey study on male sexual behavior published in 1948.) That’s why we’re fortunate to have Dr. Terri Fisher and her colleagues at Ohio State University, who recently tracked a group of undergraduates (163 females and 120 males between the ages of 18 and 25) as they used a golf-counter to tally their daily thoughts about eating, sleep or sex over the course of a week. Having sexual thoughts is healthier than not having them. “People who tend to have no, or a low amount, of sexual thoughts and complain about it may be depressed, controlling or could be so far removed from the flow of sexual expression in their lives that they may be unintentionally blocking thoughts as they are not sure what to do about them,” says sex educator Amy Levine. And in my experience it’s not true that people who are hard-up for sex (like singles, presumably) often have more sexual thoughts than people who have access to healthy sex on a regular basis (like couples). It’s often the opposite: People who have healthy sex lives are often more “eroticized” overall and generally want more of a good thing, while people who are not having sex sometimes start to care less about it and dismiss sex as a priority. When the latter does think about sex, it may be in a more obsessive way. “Both sexual deprivation and sexual activity can lead to sexual thinking,” argues Dr. Ed Ratush, who specializes in sexual issues. “If someone wants sex but does not have it in their lives, they will think about it, maybe even fixate on it. Conversely, having good sex leads to sexual thoughts because of the actual memory of it, physical and psychological.” One refreshing aspect of this new study is that it normalizes sexual thoughts relative to thoughts about other basic needs such as food and sleep. This shows that the average man is not a slave to his sexual thoughts (thinking about sex over and over and over and over), but rather maintains a healthy balance. The men also thought about food almost 18 times per day and sleep almost 11 times per day, compared to women’s median number of thoughts about eating and sleep - nearly 15 times and about 8.5 times, respectively. But what constitutes a sexual thought? “I think that there are way more sexual thoughts passing through our minds than the ones we zero in on, and then what we are designating as ‘sexual’ matters in this measurement,” says Ratush. “It would be interesting to know if the men were measuring thoughts about intimacy or loving thoughts versus sexually explicit thoughts.” While the median numbers in this study tell us that men and women are more similar than not when it comes to quantity of sexual thoughts, is there a gender difference when it comes to the quality of sexual thoughts? And is there a difference in the way men and women process these thoughts? The study didn’t address the content of thoughts, but in my experience, sexual thoughts in men tend to be more directly wired into the arousal system than in women. For example, a guy has a sexual thought, and almost immediately that thought starts to become an action. Women may have just as many sexual thoughts, but they don’t seem linked to an actual desire for sex in the same way. “Men are like driving standard transmission - if you move through the gears in the right order, you will get where you want to go,” writes Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of “The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms.” “Women are like baking a soufflé - the outcome depends on the ingredients and the chef, sure, but it also depends on the reliability of the oven, the altitude, the humidity of the day… more variables, more variability.” Per Nagoski’s metaphor, a sexual thought seems to put the gears into action for men, but for women, a sexual thought is just one ingredient in the soufflé. Not only do the results help men realize that they’re “normal” if they don’t think about sex obsessively, but the findings can also give women some fresh insight into their male companions: In contrast to the stereotype that guys are always raring to go, the study suggests that, like women, men are complex creatures who may be preoccupied with plenty of concerns that have nothing to do with sex. Some guys may even be “soufflés,” too. So how often do you think about sex? soundoff (950 Responses)1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Next »Leave a Reply to Van Mechanic Shop Near Me
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Gentlemen, lest you were alarmed you might be abnormal for not thinking about sex once every 7 seconds (more than 8,000 times a day), a new study in the 
A lot more often than my wife does.
maybe your the problem...
"You're" would be the correct form for this sentence.
Cant speak about other guys, but i was reall shocked when i realized how much value my husband relies on sex as a part of his wellbeing...especially when i had no sex drive while i was pregnant, so much so that he wud get depressed about it. He correlated sex with how well i loved him and how well his marriage was going. Sex=good marriage and love, NO sex= bad marriage and not loved. Thought that was interesting cuz i dont correlate the two. For me, sex is a great benefit but i dont hold any value of the marriage over it.
You sound like my wife. She's be perfectly happy to never have sex again. And on that rare occasion that I get any it's missionary position only and grit teeth and pray until it's over. I should've left her years ago.
...until the husband gets said sex from an outside source,then suddenly there will be a hell of a lot of 'value' placed on it,I bet.
Which is why I insist that American men are either fools to marry, or Oedipal halflings with need of a maternal presence to fill their lives, and which would also explain why American women cheat on them so much with 'bad boys' and foreigners.
Yea, if guys knew what it was like for us they would probably be shocked and disappointed. And they wonder why we want it less? They don't know how lucky they are...
Sex before marriage is better. You can have anyone or pleasure yourself better than a wife. I wish I never got married. Before I do it was always, now it is rare,
Sorry to hear that, Dirk. It's not true for all of us. Sex for me is much better after marriage.
I divorced someone like you. Wake up now or wake up divorced someday. Start servicing your husband or someone else will.
Now that I've read this article – at least once so far today.
ROFL!
Personally I THINK about sex all the time, BUT my body doesn't want to agree with my mind all of the time unfortunately!....
TOTALLY agree with ya! Its one of the amazing feelings that comes along with the package! if you lack it something wrong with u or ur partner or diet etc
I'm a woman in my early 30's and I think about it all the time!
Wish you were my woman. "Once a king, always a king. But once a knight is never enough!"
MARRY ME???????????????
Care to ruin a marriage?
I'm 29 yo female and I am with Dawn I think about it all the time... I think most women do, they just lie about it.
I probably think about sex a couple times an hour. My wife and I have a great sexual chemistry. I've notice that my wife's sex drive has steadily increased in the past few years (she's in her early 40s). Do you think it's true that women's sexual desire peaks in their 40s? I sure do!
I recently heard this; Women need a reason, men just need a place. Live with Intention, DrBillTothCom/blog
Lol how true :p Girls are motivated sexually on emotions...Guys just want to get off...
Kayla, not all woman. I like it because I like it. I don't have to have the emotion if I'm in the mood. Not all woman are alike just like not all men are alike.
I think about sex constantly although I'm medicated so my equipment dosen't work the way I wish it did.
Well thanks a lot. I didn't think about it 'till you had to go and bring it up.
🙂 🙂 🙂 Both you and "mort" are hilarious.
Michelle Bachmann never thinks about sex. She thinks it's a sin.
Power turns her on.
No, power turns her loony, that's why she thinks sex is a sin.
Gingrich thinks about sex often too. Not with his wives though.
He's not repeating the "Family Values" mantra anymore.
A lot of us women like sex just as much as men do. Some women even have a hard time finding a man that is able to perform as often as she would like. I see nothing wrong with starting each morning with oral sex for both and ending each day with hot sex, trying different positons and whatever is comfortable and satisfying for both. Men like to act like they don't get it enough or their partners are the problem. That simply isn't always the case. I would love to find a man who would be willing and could have as much as sex as I would like. Being in my 40's though, probably going to be a tough find.
As a 57 year old man I certainly don't think about sex as much as when I was younger, but I still think about it constantly. High sex drive, could easily have sex 3-4 times a week and I have copd. I love making love with my wife.
Same with me, but I am in mid 40's, difficult to find a suitable woman...Thrice a Week is recommended...
It used to be a big part of my life until I moved to Augusta, GA six years ago from Puerto Rico. Now the thick, nasty air, sulphur-smelling water, unhealthy 'comfort' food and hard-to-swallow, hefty southern women have put a BIG dent in my health and my mojo. God, I've got to get out of here...
I'M RIGHT HERE...LOOK NO FURTHER, MICHELE
Since when does sex 3-4 times a week even come close to qualifying as a high sex drive? 3-4 times a day is a little more reasonable...
If women had to get an erection to engage, the human race would have died out a long time ago.
You confirmed my point from previous posting. Good for you!
Only when I want him to buy me something
Your man is a short-sold fool.
The comments I read are really sad, I'm a man I think about sex, but I'm trying somthing different since my son was born and I ending my ten year relationship with his mother. I'm looking for someone to grow old with and that want me for me not my money or my sex. I would like to have a relationship with a women that's not about how how time she can get off be for I'm done.
I end up getting everything I want. Who's the real fool?
I think the survey applied to college aged persons. When I was involved in finals week, probably never, playing sports, probably never ......Rest of the time, probably always.
WOW! simply not informative, These 'scientific studies' are a waste
Heh! I'm a woman in my early 20s, and I have NO sex drive. Hell, I don't swing either way! But that means no STDs or unwanted children, so it's all cool. Good luck to the rest of you, haha! ^.^
What?! None! Very interesting statement. I'm in my early 20s and for me, the right man turns me on- and I love making love to him. And its the man that I'm in a relationship with- for many reasons that do not include sex. It would be wierd/ unconfortable for me to be with someone I had no feelings for. Then again I've never tried it. So maybe if I were single (like you?) then I would be in the same boat with no sex drive either. He's 10 years older and by far my lust for him exceeds what he has for me. Our friends make fun of us about it because they call me atractive/ fit and he's a little chubby, but I'm the one who's always chasing after him sexually! It is what i is- nothing wrong with a little chase.
I think about sex all day! I can even have sex sitting at my desk or driving my car or sitting at the table eating dinner.
You must be the one that never answers the phone, holds up traffic at the lights, but never complains about making dinner.
They didn't differentiate between negative sexual thoughs and positive sexual thoughts...interesting.
It's like smoking to me – when I am getting it I want it all the time! Being that it has been a year (I know, so bad) I feel sorry for the next guy to come along, he better be packin' a lunch!
One year, try two years. But then again after my divorce I can't imagine having sex with anyone else. I'm screwed!
T: I'm confused; wasn't the problem that you're -not- screwed?
Only when I want something
I withhold all sex from my husband, because that's how I get what I want. I think of sex with my boss all the time, even at work!
Thanks you just re-affirmed why I will never date again.
Never, I hate my husband. That's why I married him, to make sure I would ruin his life and take all his money.
ugghhh...you sound like a Marge
I think about sex every time I look at my right hand.
I'm right-handed too. Masturbation for me takes quite a lot of coordination and strength (a pretty good grip) and effort from my entire right arm, and equally importantly, some good lubricant, either artificial or self-generated. I've attempted to try it with my left hand, but it's too clumsy and not strong enough, so it keeps slipping out of my hand and I cannot keep a smooth stroking motion easily, while maintaining a firm grip. Doing it with my left hand feels so awkward... Maybe one day I'll succeed... I've always wondered if one could train oneself to be ambidextrous.
Is there ever a time when there is NOT a $exual thought in my head? I don't think so.
I think of sex all the time, just not with my money grubbing bitc# wife. She hates me and is driving me to drink,
The comments I read are really sad, I'm a man I think about sex, but I'm trying somthing different since my son was born and I ending my ten year relationship with his mother. I'm looking for someone to grow old with and that want me for me not my money or my sex. I would like to have a relationship with a women that's not about how how time she can get off be for I'm done.
Lack of synchronization in sexual urges can be a problem. Sex is always a temporary urge for me. After my urges dissipate, I wonder why I wanted it in the first place. Anxiety is what fuels the urge for sex. If I am feeling relatively calm, feeling sexual urges can be irritating, because they 'disturb' the calmness. Pleasure and pain are both stimuli that excite, while absence of stimuli is a different state of mind altogether.
I'm not all that knowledgeable, but I've heard of at least one woman with a high sex drive, who got married mainly for maximizing sexual pleasure and not really for any other reason. I wonder how many women are like that? It's like getting married to a gigolo of one's choice, I guess. But I think I understand when you say you want something more or something else, like a good rapport and ability to communicate and empathize. I say, these sexual and/or romantic relationships mimick the child-parent relationship. They say men look for qualities in women that are similar to their mothers. And women look for qualities in men that resemble their fathers.
I started thinking about sex about once a month ever since I hit 30. It's less time consuming to just Palmela Handerson it.
I think about sucking the chrome off a '58 Buick rear bumber all the time. That's why for my next reality show, I shacked up with 2 black guys and not just one.
" bumper "
I"M in my 50's and I work around a lot of women....so I think of sex constantly....If I could bone any woman I wanted,
I would have sex everyday, but since I'm married, I only have sex a few times a week...otherwise it would become routine
Ok I take issue with this article! The author states "And in my experience it’s not true that people who are hard-up for sex (like singles, presumably) often have more sexual thoughts than people who have access to healthy sex on a regular basis (like couples)".....I got WAY WAY WAY more "healthy sex" when I was single than I will EVER HOPE OR DREAM TO GET WHILE MARRIED!!! And it appears that my statement is true for at least 50%, if not 75%, of married men. If I had boys, I would tell them to NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED because in the long run, guess who the loser will be – you my friend! I actually think marriage is really set up to support women and their needs much more than men. Oh, and for all you married women out there that are concerned that your husband will cheat on you because you don't "give it up" often (or at all in some cases) relax, I'm sure your husband has had several girlfriends over the years to help him through the "no sex decades" of his life. just because you don't want to have sex, and he does, does not in any way imply that he will wait around for you, regardless of what he says to your face (he's just trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings).
Perhaps your wife doesn't want to have lots of sex with you because she can perceive how much you dislike her and women in general. Why on earth did you get married in the first place?
If all you wanted was a steady sex partner, then you should have not gotten married. A marriage is a family, with people who care about each other's needs. If the married partners have love, trust, intimacy, and desire for one another, sex evolve as part of the relationship.
If you are truly unhappy in your marriage, feel that your life is so badly ruined that you would prejudice your sons against marrying anyone, and refuse to investigate why fulfilling a woman's needs makes you so angry, then leave. No one is impressed by or sympathtic to you martyring yourself on the altar of the Unhappy Husband.
Now ladies, there is some truth to what he says.....but, dude, the BEST sex is with a person who you know and love, a person who you lust after still. I see why he says that men who are married don't get it as often. That is true. My marraige is a bit of freak show...most of the marraiges I see don't have much sex. So...he has a point to a big extent. I have been married since I was 18, and the longest we EVER went with out doin it.....was a week! So...25 years later....we still can't keep our hands off of each other.
I completely agree with Casual about sex being much better with someone you love and value. My wife and I have been married for 21+ years and are intimate, in one way or another, several times a day.
almost never
I noticed that the study was only done on young people, so it has no bearing on what society as a whole thinks.
As for all these unhappily married people, why the heck did you all get married in the first place? A fulfilling relationship is built on things like trust, intimacy, commitment, and love. If you have those things, sex will occur natually.
Like the way you think.
I tend to separate lust and intimacy. The more I care about / empathize with a person, the less sexual desire I feel for that person. Is that odd? It's just easier for me to feel lust for someone who I don't yet know all the flaws of. Yeah, it's strange, but the 'sex goddess' or 'sex object' quality diminishes once you really get to know them and see how vulnerable or imperfect they are. sigh
No, some people just aren't interested and can still feel happy and fulfilled
I'm calling BS....most men up until their 60's and 70's think about the kitty! Come on! I feel sorry for couples who have zero sex or just the 3 times a year crowd. They are just room-mates then. One has to make it improtant to them.
When people ask me how I have stayed married so long and from the tender age of 18, now 43...they want to know the secret. I tell them and shock them, don't stop having sex. it is the glue that will bring the two of you back every time.
Women may not care as much as men, but, MOST men want a partner who lusts after them....and shows it.
Allot of posts on here are very sad. If you are in a no s*x marrage, I'm guessing you married the wrong person. Or you are that much of a jerk no one would want to do "it" with you. If you are the woman that with hold to get what you want, shame on you.
19 times a day is still plenty no? I guess I must be half man, I think about quite often myself....and I'm a woman in my early 40's! I can't help but think about it more toward the weekend when I know I can spend time with my husband of 25 years....married at 18...and I still can't wait to see him. I suppose we are a bit of a freak show in that aspect! I would pick him all over again! Cheers!
His wife could be more attentive to his needs, and he might not feel so bitter.
I am 74 and I still think about sex all the time. My wife and I still have sex about 3 times a week. Sometimes it works better than other times, but my "thoughts" are what keeps me concentrated on what I'm doing. I will keep on going till the day I drop! So far I am getting by without Viagra, but the time is getting closer when I might need it. We do it all.......
I am married. what is this "sex" your talking about??!!
wow, reading all the comments really puts women in a negative light. i was married for 10 years and it SUCKED! he got overweight and never wanted sex because he had no energy. i'm divorced thankfully and have been in a healthy sexual relationship for 2 years now. I couldnt be happier. It's not only women who dont want it, it's sometimes men. For the women out there, I think maybe they are lazy or they see the control it has on their men. what they dont realize is they'd get more from their man if they gave more...just a thought!
Got married, wife put on 30 pounds of lard instantly... I think about sex all the time, just not with that porker.
Could you stop by Krispy Kreme on that way home from work dear?
On your wedding day, did you marry your wife or your wife's body? If you can't answer that question, or if you have to think a moment before you answer, you should have not gotten married. Marriage is a serious commitment that should not be entered into lightly.
But, you're married now. Your choice is simple: do you try to grow emotionally mature enough to love your wife just as she is, or do you get divorced because your wife's body is not the same as when you married it?
@Mav
I loved my wife. She just got married and totally gave up on life, as if getting married and getting on the gravy train was her life long goal.
I think I might give her Divorce Papers for Christmas. Fat b@#ch deserves them.
She 'gave up on life'. Why? Could it have been something you said or did? Or the way you could've treated her? Jus' sayin'. That will make a woman wanna give up....some just aren't as strong willed as others, but you still shouldn't have given up on her. And to hear you talk about her that way is absolutely disturbing. You should be ashamed of yourself really for degrading her that way.
I agree, some me are unlucky...but some wome are too...
wow doug H, you sound like a winner. hope u have a perfect body to be talking such smack.
I'm not perfect, but I don't sit around all day eating chocolate and crying about being a fat pile of crap. I should divorce the ungrateful witch, but she'll take all my money.
Honestly, it sounds like your wife has clinical depression, which is a treatable illness. As her husband, you should be right beside her, helping her get treatment that will make both of your lives better. If you'd rather sit back and call her names on a message board, then man up for once in your life and divorce her so she has a chance to find help elsewhere. It will be a very expensive lesson for you to learn that you should not have made her your wife if you were not ready to be her husband.
LOL! She'll take "all your money". She'll probably get half the double-wide trailer too. You're right, better to just stay married.
I think about sex all the time! Probably more than men 🙂
I'm thinking about it right now! I wish I was Santa, all those kids sitting on my lap, all happy like and bouncing up and down asking for stuff.
Good times!
Gah, that's sick....lol
I'd say I probably think about it at LEAST once per hour....unless I'm REALLY in the mood, then it never stops! HA!
Just one – but it lasts for 16 hours.
Hmm, I know what those are like! Had one of those days yesterday...LOL
I love to have sex. I try to get it at least 3 times a day. I like to wake up my husband with a handy in the morning and then we meet for lunch and sneak something in and then at night after a couple of night caps we try some more things. I really like @nal sex so I like to force him to do that at night. Keep in mind, we are both fit and attractive so we are not grossed out by each other. I don't know how women can get married and then gain so much weight and expect their partner not to look the other way. I love making him 'happy'. Mouthfuls of 'candy' are my favorite. Good luck to everyone else!
UUUUGGGH..Why can't I find a chick who likes @nal!!!
Tommy, I told you it's time to get off the computer and do your homework!
Doug H,
Comments at this hour lead me to believe she is the one making all the money anyways– she should take it. Not to mention, she probably raised your two kids while you sat on the internet and played golf all day. And I'm gonna guess when you're old and those kids graduate, especially the one from that top 20 university with the advanced scientific degree, they are gonna remember that. I can personally guarantee it in fact.
Don't put things on the internet that can so easily be found.
Oops Doug. Maybe you should haven't put your real name if you are going to berate your wife. I think you are going to be in trouble when you get home. No sex tonight! oh, nevermind. There are no consquences if you arent getting anything anyway. Sounds like you both need to part ways.
What about people who identify as asexual. Your article basically just said that because some people -ie some asexuals who don't think about about sex daily, that they obviously have something that is wrong with them.
"Having sexual thoughts is healthier than not having them.
“People who tend to have no, or a low amount, of sexual thoughts and complain about it may be depressed, controlling or could be so far removed from the flow of sexual expression in their lives that they may be unintentionally blocking thoughts as they are not sure what to do about them,” says sex educator Amy Levine. "
Interesting that your negating the existence of asexuals.
Also I think it would have been better to indicate whether the thoughts were positive or negative.
And for everybody that is in a relationship for any other reason than simply wanting to be with that person, then leave and go find someone else.
Don't take someone else's happiness away for your benefit.
Be happy.
-Student who has been with the same person for 6 years and we have really fantastic sex whenever we want to and whenever we can. We are honest with each other about our sexual desires and needs. We are happy.
Every time I see the cute gal back in service.