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December 8th, 2011
07:27 AM ET
When is a woman more likely to fake it?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
But have you ever faked it because you thought that doing so might prevent him from cheating? A new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 54% of women admitted to faking an orgasm, and that women who thought their partners might cheat were more likely to be the ones doing the faking. While the idea of faking orgasm to keep a partner faithful is a novel one, one has to wonder about its potential effectiveness. I personally don’t know of any research to suggest that men are more likely to stay in a relationship with a partner who has orgasms, or that men are more likely to cheat if their partners do not have orgasms. “Maybe women fake orgasm more when they think their partner might cheat, not because orgasm persuades their partner to stay, but because the stress of not trusting their partner acts as a ‘brake’ on their arousal, making orgasm more difficult,” says sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski. “If orgasm is expected by your partner, but isn’t easily achieved, faking is a way to meet that expectation and thus reinforce the relationship narrative that ‘everything is fine.’” Of course, if a woman is faking it, everything is not fine, especially if she is worried that her partner could cheat. “Faking it is by no means an effective strategy,” says Dr. Logan Levkoff, author of the book "How to Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You." “A relationship won’t have longevity simply because someone pretends that they have an orgasm. In fact, lack of physical satisfaction (and, clearly, a lack of honest communication) will definitely not lead to relationship success.” And in my experience as a sex counselor, women who fake it consistently are also more likely to eventually stray themselves in search of sexual satisfaction. But as we know from the famous “I’ll have what she’s having” scene in "When Harry Met Sally," men are easily fooled. According to the recently published National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 85% of men said that their partner had experienced an orgasm during their most recent sexual event, while only 64% of women reported actually having had an orgasm. The implication: Lots of women are faking it - and getting away with it. But if a woman fakes it and her partner thinks she is actually enjoying the sex, is her dissatisfaction really heard? It isn’t easy to talk about sex, especially if you’re naïve enough to think that faking it is any sort of effective way to keep a partner from straying. But as Dr. Madeleine Castellanos notes, “The women in the study were mostly university students with a mean age of 21.8 years old and mean length of relationship of about 2 years and 9 months. There may be a higher level of anxiety in this population in regards to their relationship.” Maybe that’s why women are said to experience their sexual peak later in life - not for physiological reasons, but because an older woman is less likely to fake it and more likely to pursue pleasure on a level playing field with her male partner. And when it comes to faking, remember that the secret could come out. “Faking can blow up in your face if a man finds out that his woman has been faking her excitement and orgasm all along,” adds Castellanos. “Talking to your partner about what you like and what really pleases you is more likely to develop a genuine erotic connection that he will value.”
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Ladies, how many of you have ever faked it? If so, why? Did you fake it because your orgasm just wasn’t going to happen? Or did you do it because his orgasm happened all too quickly? In that case, perhaps you faked your own orgasm to spare his feelings, or maybe to avoid having to talk about it. 
too funny. I only fake i'm tired and want him to finish. It makes him get to where he needs to be faster when he thinks i'm satisfied.
Here's a tip to keep their man from cheating... stop being prudes.
Enough, already, Jerry. We know that's really you.
What hilarious is that I am a dude and I have faked it a few times! Not because it was bad but sometimes you just don't have the supply because it already was spent for whatever reason. Gets tiring after awhile so might as well fake one, kiss her on the cheek and get on with your day.
Hey, this is better for the girl too because there is no time limit. You can go for a long long time if you don't have good enough supply built up and you are in excellent health.
who care if they fake it or not- isn't it all about me any way?
If more of society would just put their faith in God, people wouldn't need to fake anything. "He" is the sole provider and decider of everything that happens in the universe. I know this for a fact. Praying to God is the answer. Soon all will know the truth. I love all of God's creations!!!!!
You must be impotent yourself.
Do you realize you're over tasking and a burden to Lord Almighty after he has given you all the skills you need in life?
Question: You want the Lord to make your love bed for you and do the piping too? Whew!
lmfao
I believe it's a safe bet that the Palin women are not orgasmic. Teabaggers are just way too rigid.
Women need to know that the best way to keep a partner close and dedicated is to feel free to share her feelings and desires. That is a MAJOR turn-on for a man. And every decent man wants to please his partner, and will appreciate even the smallest and most modest suggestions.
I've just never understood why women find this so difficult to do. Even women I've known who were very physically open and aggressive found it impossible to give voice to their desires.
So ladies, take it from an older man who has a lot of experience. Just let your partner know what you want, and watch the sparks fly. He won't be looking around for anybody else to share his bed with.
I
Ann's just a bitter fat chick who doesn't get anything.
Whereas you, of course, just stepped off the cover of GQ and are God's gift right?
When will people figure out that attraction is subjective and cannot be qualified?
who is this Ann you are all talking about
solex,
If attraction cannot be quantified, why do people tend to find the same people attractive? Why do men fawn over Victoria Secret models? Why do women fawn over Brad Pitt? Beauty might be in the eye of the beholder, but most(though not all) of those beholders tend to view beauty the same way.
Would a magazine of nude, overweight women sell as well as Playboy? Of course not. If I thought it would I would start one. Not everyone perceives beauty the same way, but there seems to be a ton of common ground.
Studies actually have shown that facial symmetry is related to beauty.
...Anyway, those who fakes are nof fooling me.... they are fooling themself... But, who cares?
"Faking can blow up in your face"
LOL
I like that one too. It will blow in your face.
My wife faked it once.... ONCE!
Hahahahaha! pure gold!
"My mother hung my on a hook once.....ONCE!"
That fargin' icehole. Did that put your bells in a sling?
Your wife never faked it with me.... 😉
I don't read trash such as these articles, because America is being drawn into this pit of depravity, deliberately by uncreative unimaginative journalist, who themselves have their minds in the gutter. But the subject; "Trust" in a marriage transcends the garbage.
Marriage is based on trust, voluntarily given. If you think anything at all to do with the performance of some physical activity has any noteworthy effect on the trustworthiness of your spouse, you are in for a very grave disappointment. In fact, if you even have doubts enough to consider an article like this, your marriage is already in trouble. Get counseling. Assess whether your spouse has an integrity defect. Deal with that.
If you are considering entering a marriage, trust is everything. Love is an acquired benefit. Physical enjoyment is a fringe benefit. Personal virtues and qualities are absolutely key. If your potential mate does not rise to the minimum standards, he/she is likely never going to improve after the "blessed event".
I agree completely, this article is absolute trash.
hahahaha, right. Back to church... and make that BS palace pay its property taxes starting right now instead of expecting the rest of us to forever carry its inordinate burden on the infrastructure.
I tried to fake it but i fell asleep half ways through reading your thesis.
TLDR
Yeah, ignorance is always the best way to go...If you are so prudish to cover your eyes at an article such as this, you probably don't know much about s*x and were taught that s*x is for procreation only. Women have suffered for millenia because of religion. I have one question for all you ultra conservative prudes who think s*x is bad...why did your God allow us to enjoy it so much? Why didn't He "create" us like most other mammals and only "do it" when were in heat? God must want us to like it...just sayin.
You don't read this trash, you just click on it and go right to the comment section to pontificate?
RealGlaird, I take it you didn't actually read the article.
I fell asleep half way through your rant.
"I don't read trash such as these articles" and yet you comment on it
LOL!!!! You're post is probably the most hilarious piece of delusion that I have read all day. Unless you're being sarcastic, in which case – I applaud you!
congratulations - you are a narrow-minded loser.
Well genius apparently you did read it — Because you made a comment.
Guess it's been a while for you.... quit faking it.
Yeah you don't read articles like these, you just randomly post comments on articles and hope you hit the right subject matter..... OH WAIT.
What are the "minimum" standards one should look for before entering marriage ?
Most intelligent thing I've read on marriages in a long time. Well said.
It is not a woman's job to "keep" a man from cheating, nor is a man's job to keep a woman from cheating. Take some responsibility and stop rationalizing.
Does trust really transcend all of the garbage? lol f'in idiot. Did ya know that if you do the dirty enough you can actually tell if the opposite partner has gotten there too. Haha, I personally believe this article is completely sincere and useful, raises questions in each partners minds as to the on-goings or hinden underlayers of their marital/relationship problems. And plus, everybody loves a little Hedonism II
@RealGlaird, you just contradicted yourself.
You have time to read an article you hate to read yet, took the time to write a long mumbo jumbo essay. Typical tea bag GOP. Leave logic alone.
Whew! Some people!
Michele Buckman delusional mentality.
More feminist crap.
What the hell does this have to do with feminism?
Are you still in your PJ?
If she is acting out an orgasm and she is dry, she is faking it. Many women will contest this, because they don't want you to know how to tell, but the physical realities don't.
Yeah, there are physical indicators that give women away. Just takes a little knowledge of the female anatomy.
Yep. In every case you can tell. And, you can tell just before the deep moans start. She will go from nicely wet (assuming you've been in a relationship for a while, otherwise she may already be sloppy wet) to amazingly wet. The finger rub on the magic button never lies.
Well I asked my wife this morning if she was "faking it last night." She replied,"No I was really sleeping" !!
snicker
http://www.instantrimshot.com
Now that's funny!
Why is it that we treat faking as a problem? Or something with a cost?
It is a BIG problem and it come with a cost...Someone is denied pleasure and the other is denied how to please...They repeat the same outcome and resentment starts to build..Him – Why can't I please her..I'm bored.. Her-He does nothing for me.Finsih Already...That leads to complacency....
She may fake great, but I'm a great faker!
Some women leave evidence when they have an orgasm. I've witnessed it "first hand". 🙂
Women may fake orgasms but men fake entire relationships. Which is worse?
Your Face??
Yah, 'cause women would never be phony or unrealistic about anything to do with relationships. Nor be in denial or anything like that...
Someone please fake it with Ann.
That has got to be the dumbest excuse I ever heard for faking it, lol. If he's cheating, kick his sorry behind to the curb, then find a lover who deserves your attentions. Fake it to keep him from cheating – LMFAO.
This really doesn't happen. Women never fake it because all men are such great lovers. I can see there are quite a few who have responded. Keep it "Up" guys. None of you have anything to learn!
WRONG...Majority of men are into gratifyin themselves (especially for quickies) without considering the other...Women teach/guide/instruct men on how to please them.
Why do women fake an orgasms...... who cares i got mine.
should just be "T@rd".
Trust I not faking it for no man...I am getting mine too!!!!
She can fake it with me anytime....
They must have pulled Ann's post, but from the responses i can tell it's a troll not even reading it...dont fall for the troll..
Does it really matter as long as both parties are happy afterall...
Article I'd really like to read - "When is CNN going to return to actual news reporting and stop cluttering their website/television programming with this nonsense blather?" I seriously think there is an opening in the cable market for an actual news channel.
If a girl isn't willing to fake it she doesn't really love you. Unfortunately this means I have no way of knowing if a woman loves me or not.
If she faked it with this schlong she'd get the dry burn of a lifetime!
IT WOULDN'T MATTER IF MY WIFE FAKED IT OR NOT I'M STILL GOING TO CHEAT!!!! I LOVE STRAY !!
I think you were looking for "Strange".
I believe women who fake it have a deeper underlying issue - lack of communication with their partner. My bf knows when I orgasm and when I don't/can't, because we talk about it! It's nothing to be ashamed or embarassed of. S-e-x is one of the most important factors of a relationship to be open about. That goes for fantasies, orgasms, anything and everything. It all needs to be discussed. If you're not open, that can lead to major insecurity and cheating by either party. I do see a link here.
How do you know the fake oragasm? Any ideas?
....you would know, because your p3nis was up her @ss.
Her heart is not beating out of her chest..she is not sweating...she does not exhibit the transition of energy moment..(look it up)...She does not speak in tongs...Her eyes do not roll to the back of her head...She not trying to scratch the skin off you..she not losing control... If she just rolls over and goes to sleep with a wimper then dude you have some work to do and schedule a 1:1 weekend of serious getting to intimately know each training session....
IDGAF if she fakes it, as long as she keeps swallowing.
Ian, now, for the men's version of faking it...
Interesting stuff writers. Most of what I read is shallow but without exception the point about communication hit the mark. Some women just cannot reach their supposed special moment; physical, emotional or psychological, who really knows this answer, but as a man we are created to honor a woman. Fellas, think of it this way, you have a mother – enough said there! Everybody is not meant to come together but trying has its merits. Faking speaks towards misaligned motives, perhaps what's needed at large is a checkup from the neckup! Love the commentary gang...
So your name should be: "Keeping It Fake In Order Just To Keep It"????
@Keeping it Real
I can get myself off any minute of the week. Not the same situation as intercourse. If you don't get how biologically different men and women are and thus think that something is WRONG with a women if she can't orgasm during just penetration, you are the one that needs a shrink. It's not always psychological honey. Sometimes, it is just physical. And sometimes you men turn us the hell off. Deal with it.
SammieB.....sounds like you turn men off all the time so deal with it!!! LOL
So, a woman constantly fakes it, the guy starts to believe he's a real stud, and goes out on the town to prove it. Sounds counter-productive to me . . .
@Mike – not when the women he cheats with tells him he sucks in bed, so he then returns to his wife/gf who thinks he's worth pretending that he's a stud.
Men, myself included will never understand why a woman would fake it. Not every woman will have one every time, every guy knows that, it won't hurt our feelings. What it will do is stop us from trying to improve if we think we're already doing a great job.
Har-look at the photo. A woman 99 % would never cheat on. If there was a very homely woman in the photo,
it would turn the article topsy turvy, as " Faking, not faking, exceptional cooking or baking ... the guy's going to
cheat.
WHAT? lol
I remember when I first started having s*x, I was with a guy who could never make me orgasm. But, I stayed with him, and I remember how he would continually ask me, "Did you?" over and over. And then, he would insist that I did just because his ego was crushed. He would tell me that I had one, and just didn't know, lol. Trust me, I knew what it felt like, but I didn't get it with you.
I'm not going to lie about my orgasms. Why? What's the point?
Well, he's not a real man if he gave a s-h-i-t in the first place!!
So wait...you are saying that woman can't have an orgasm because they are afraid or think that their husband might be cheating. Do you actually get paid for writing?
LOL. He has written some best selling books. I would suggest you read the oral ones. Follow the advice and s/he will thank you for it. Incidentally, I would also suggest you lighten up and stop being so judgmental and prudish.
Yeah, but dating someone who looks like her will...
Ok bucketheads time to do some work now!
In my experience, squirters don't squirt every time.
If more women would be a hoochie at home and a lady in public, your man may not stray, but if he's sharing his wealth with you, while dating or being married to someone else, NEWSFLASH, he'll be a dog on you so don't think, "he married me so he's not cheating"...well that a laugh like the joke that starts, "I though if I had a baby he'd change, or stay or not hit me or...."
Proof read please, for the love of god proof read!!!!
No offense.
You missed 1st Grade Basic English Lessons.
Here it's.
A sentence ends with a "period" or "full stop" and begins the next sentence with a "Capital Letter".
How did you miss these?
Don't fake it...Why??..you are only denying yourself ... If you're going go through the motions then get yours!!!!.And if he is not taking you to the finish line then either take yourself or have someone else take you there (visually or physically or mentally or fantasy) or make him pay attention to your needs and what you like. I feel for women who fake it or have not had that BIG O...especially with so many options available..
What schizo article – maybe this – maybe that. The writer literally has no idea what he is talking about or thinking about. HOT MESS. Seriously, what's the point of an article if you have no direction?
I think someone needs a lesson in reading comprehension!!! LOL
The author says" While the idea of faking orgasm to keep a partner faithful is a novel one, one has to wonder about its potential effectiveness." That is an absurd notion. Females have been faking orgasm for thousands of years to assure that their security (a successful provider) stayed close to home.
Al, is your last name Bundy?
No woman can fake it with me.
Bull – You're ego is showing.
listen, not for nothing but....... it is really easy to tell if a woman is faking..... really really easy. 🙂