When is a woman more likely to fake it?
December 8th, 2011
07:27 AM ET

When is a woman more likely to fake it?

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

Ladies, how many of you have ever faked it? If so, why? Did you fake it because your orgasm just wasn’t going to happen? Or did you do it because his orgasm happened all too quickly? In that case, perhaps you faked your own orgasm to spare his feelings, or maybe to avoid having to talk about it.

But have you ever faked it because you thought that doing so might prevent him from cheating? A new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 54% of women admitted to faking an orgasm, and that women who thought their partners might cheat were more likely to be the ones doing the faking.

While the idea of faking orgasm to keep a partner faithful is a novel one, one has to wonder about its potential effectiveness. I personally don’t know of any research to suggest that men are more likely to stay in a relationship with a partner who has orgasms, or that men are more likely to cheat if their partners do not have orgasms.

Of course, research into the female orgasm is fairly scant. Perhaps the women who are faking it in light of their partner’s potential infidelity are not doing so to keep their partners, but rather are faking it because the fear of their partner’s infidelity makes it difficult to have an orgasm in the first place.

“Maybe women fake orgasm more when they think their partner might cheat, not because orgasm persuades their partner to stay, but because the stress of not trusting their partner acts as a ‘brake’ on their arousal, making orgasm more difficult,” says sex educator Dr. Emily Nagoski. “If orgasm is expected by your partner, but isn’t easily achieved, faking is a way to meet that expectation and thus reinforce the relationship narrative that ‘everything is fine.’”

Of course, if a woman is faking it, everything is not fine, especially if she is worried that her partner could cheat.

“Faking it is by no means an effective strategy,” says Dr. Logan Levkoff, author of the book "How to Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You." “A relationship won’t have longevity simply because someone pretends that they have an orgasm. In fact, lack of physical satisfaction (and, clearly, a lack of honest communication) will definitely not lead to relationship success.”

And in my experience as a sex counselor, women who fake it consistently are also more likely to eventually stray themselves in search of sexual satisfaction.

But as we know from the famous “I’ll have what she’s having” scene in "When Harry Met Sally," men are easily fooled. According to the recently published National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 85% of men said that their partner had experienced an orgasm during their most recent sexual event, while only 64% of women reported actually having had an orgasm.

The implication: Lots of women are faking it - and getting away with it. But if a woman fakes it and her partner thinks she is actually enjoying the sex, is her dissatisfaction really heard?

It isn’t easy to talk about sex, especially if you’re naïve enough to think that faking it is any sort of effective way to keep a partner from straying. But as Dr. Madeleine Castellanos notes, “The women in the study were mostly university students with a mean age of 21.8 years old and mean length of relationship of about 2 years and 9 months. There may be a higher level of anxiety in this population in regards to their relationship.”

Maybe that’s why women are said to experience their sexual peak later in life - not for physiological reasons, but because an older woman is less likely to fake it and more likely to pursue pleasure on a level playing field with her male partner.

And when it comes to faking, remember that the secret could come out.

“Faking can blow up in your face if a man finds out that his woman has been faking her excitement and orgasm all along,” adds Castellanos. “Talking to your partner about what you like and what really pleases you is more likely to develop a genuine erotic connection that he will value.”

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soundoff (753 Responses)
  1. RenP

    too funny. I only fake i'm tired and want him to finish. It makes him get to where he needs to be faster when he thinks i'm satisfied.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. xdougx

    Here's a tip to keep their man from cheating... stop being prudes.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. FlyGuyInSJ

    Enough, already, Jerry. We know that's really you.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. John

    What hilarious is that I am a dude and I have faked it a few times! Not because it was bad but sometimes you just don't have the supply because it already was spent for whatever reason. Gets tiring after awhile so might as well fake one, kiss her on the cheek and get on with your day.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • John

      Hey, this is better for the girl too because there is no time limit. You can go for a long long time if you don't have good enough supply built up and you are in excellent health.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:20 | Report abuse |
  5. sumday

    who care if they fake it or not- isn't it all about me any way?

    December 8, 2011 at 12:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. deej

    If more of society would just put their faith in God, people wouldn't need to fake anything. "He" is the sole provider and decider of everything that happens in the universe. I know this for a fact. Praying to God is the answer. Soon all will know the truth. I love all of God's creations!!!!!

    December 8, 2011 at 12:20 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Che

      You must be impotent yourself.
      Do you realize you're over tasking and a burden to Lord Almighty after he has given you all the skills you need in life?
      Question: You want the Lord to make your love bed for you and do the piping too? Whew!

      December 9, 2011 at 10:37 | Report abuse |
    • asterik


      January 26, 2012 at 13:47 | Report abuse |
  7. palintwit

    I believe it's a safe bet that the Palin women are not orgasmic. Teabaggers are just way too rigid.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Martin

    Women need to know that the best way to keep a partner close and dedicated is to feel free to share her feelings and desires. That is a MAJOR turn-on for a man. And every decent man wants to please his partner, and will appreciate even the smallest and most modest suggestions.

    I've just never understood why women find this so difficult to do. Even women I've known who were very physically open and aggressive found it impossible to give voice to their desires.

    So ladies, take it from an older man who has a lot of experience. Just let your partner know what you want, and watch the sparks fly. He won't be looking around for anybody else to share his bed with.


    December 8, 2011 at 12:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. moe smith

    Ann's just a bitter fat chick who doesn't get anything.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • solex

      Whereas you, of course, just stepped off the cover of GQ and are God's gift right?

      When will people figure out that attraction is subjective and cannot be qualified?

      December 8, 2011 at 13:02 | Report abuse |
    • paul

      who is this Ann you are all talking about

      December 8, 2011 at 13:02 | Report abuse |
    • dsl


      If attraction cannot be quantified, why do people tend to find the same people attractive? Why do men fawn over Victoria Secret models? Why do women fawn over Brad Pitt? Beauty might be in the eye of the beholder, but most(though not all) of those beholders tend to view beauty the same way.

      Would a magazine of nude, overweight women sell as well as Playboy? Of course not. If I thought it would I would start one. Not everyone perceives beauty the same way, but there seems to be a ton of common ground.

      Studies actually have shown that facial symmetry is related to beauty.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:56 | Report abuse |
    • jose

      ...Anyway, those who fakes are nof fooling me.... they are fooling themself... But, who cares?

      December 8, 2011 at 13:58 | Report abuse |
  10. Chad

    "Faking can blow up in your face"


    December 8, 2011 at 12:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Andrew

      I like that one too. It will blow in your face.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:30 | Report abuse |
  11. Johnny Dangerously

    My wife faked it once.... ONCE!

    December 8, 2011 at 12:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Conrad Murray

      Hahahahaha! pure gold!

      "My mother hung my on a hook once.....ONCE!"

      December 8, 2011 at 12:56 | Report abuse |
    • steeve-o

      That fargin' icehole. Did that put your bells in a sling?

      December 8, 2011 at 13:14 | Report abuse |
    • Daniel

      Your wife never faked it with me.... 😉

      December 8, 2011 at 13:36 | Report abuse |
  12. RealGlaird

    I don't read trash such as these articles, because America is being drawn into this pit of depravity, deliberately by uncreative unimaginative journalist, who themselves have their minds in the gutter. But the subject; "Trust" in a marriage transcends the garbage.
    Marriage is based on trust, voluntarily given. If you think anything at all to do with the performance of some physical activity has any noteworthy effect on the trustworthiness of your spouse, you are in for a very grave disappointment. In fact, if you even have doubts enough to consider an article like this, your marriage is already in trouble. Get counseling. Assess whether your spouse has an integrity defect. Deal with that.
    If you are considering entering a marriage, trust is everything. Love is an acquired benefit. Physical enjoyment is a fringe benefit. Personal virtues and qualities are absolutely key. If your potential mate does not rise to the minimum standards, he/she is likely never going to improve after the "blessed event".

    December 8, 2011 at 12:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • totallyagree

      I agree completely, this article is absolute trash.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse |
    • Muff Diva

      hahahaha, right. Back to church... and make that BS palace pay its property taxes starting right now instead of expecting the rest of us to forever carry its inordinate burden on the infrastructure.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse |
    • The Silent Majority

      I tried to fake it but i fell asleep half ways through reading your thesis.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:43 | Report abuse |
    • bluemoondrop


      December 8, 2011 at 12:52 | Report abuse |
    • OhioPaul

      Yeah, ignorance is always the best way to go...If you are so prudish to cover your eyes at an article such as this, you probably don't know much about s*x and were taught that s*x is for procreation only. Women have suffered for millenia because of religion. I have one question for all you ultra conservative prudes who think s*x is bad...why did your God allow us to enjoy it so much? Why didn't He "create" us like most other mammals and only "do it" when were in heat? God must want us to like it...just sayin.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:53 | Report abuse |
    • Rbnlegend101

      You don't read this trash, you just click on it and go right to the comment section to pontificate?

      December 8, 2011 at 12:57 | Report abuse |
    • Andrew (2)

      RealGlaird, I take it you didn't actually read the article.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:01 | Report abuse |
    • SamSkwirl

      I fell asleep half way through your rant.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:06 | Report abuse |
    • j

      "I don't read trash such as these articles" and yet you comment on it

      December 8, 2011 at 13:07 | Report abuse |
    • Uhhh. k.. thx

      LOL!!!! You're post is probably the most hilarious piece of delusion that I have read all day. Unless you're being sarcastic, in which case – I applaud you!

      December 8, 2011 at 13:19 | Report abuse |
    • Lanfear

      congratulations - you are a narrow-minded loser.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:28 | Report abuse |
    • Capt. Obvious

      Well genius apparently you did read it — Because you made a comment.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:33 | Report abuse |
    • Daniel

      Guess it's been a while for you.... quit faking it.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse |
    • krsnev

      Yeah you don't read articles like these, you just randomly post comments on articles and hope you hit the right subject matter..... OH WAIT.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:48 | Report abuse |
    • JoJO

      What are the "minimum" standards one should look for before entering marriage ?

      December 8, 2011 at 13:53 | Report abuse |
    • scruffy

      Most intelligent thing I've read on marriages in a long time. Well said.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:55 | Report abuse |
    • Rebecca

      It is not a woman's job to "keep" a man from cheating, nor is a man's job to keep a woman from cheating. Take some responsibility and stop rationalizing.

      December 8, 2011 at 14:01 | Report abuse |
    • Haha

      Does trust really transcend all of the garbage? lol f'in idiot. Did ya know that if you do the dirty enough you can actually tell if the opposite partner has gotten there too. Haha, I personally believe this article is completely sincere and useful, raises questions in each partners minds as to the on-goings or hinden underlayers of their marital/relationship problems. And plus, everybody loves a little Hedonism II

      December 8, 2011 at 14:18 | Report abuse |
    • Che

      @RealGlaird, you just contradicted yourself.
      You have time to read an article you hate to read yet, took the time to write a long mumbo jumbo essay. Typical tea bag GOP. Leave logic alone.
      Whew! Some people!
      Michele Buckman delusional mentality.

      December 9, 2011 at 10:13 | Report abuse |
  13. Andrew

    More feminist crap.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:29 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Andrew (2)

      What the hell does this have to do with feminism?

      December 8, 2011 at 12:58 | Report abuse |
    • Che

      Are you still in your PJ?

      December 9, 2011 at 10:14 | Report abuse |
  14. Andrew

    If she is acting out an orgasm and she is dry, she is faking it. Many women will contest this, because they don't want you to know how to tell, but the physical realities don't.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Meshuggah

      Yeah, there are physical indicators that give women away. Just takes a little knowledge of the female anatomy.

      December 8, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse |
    • Al

      Yep. In every case you can tell. And, you can tell just before the deep moans start. She will go from nicely wet (assuming you've been in a relationship for a while, otherwise she may already be sloppy wet) to amazingly wet. The finger rub on the magic button never lies.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:20 | Report abuse |
  15. Joe

    Well I asked my wife this morning if she was "faking it last night." She replied,"No I was really sleeping" !!

    December 8, 2011 at 12:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ChicagoRob


      December 8, 2011 at 12:42 | Report abuse |
    • ME


      December 8, 2011 at 13:02 | Report abuse |
    • crookedarm

      Now that's funny!

      December 8, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse |
  16. Doctor

    Why is it that we treat faking as a problem? Or something with a cost?

    December 8, 2011 at 12:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • rippa

      It is a BIG problem and it come with a cost...Someone is denied pleasure and the other is denied how to please...They repeat the same outcome and resentment starts to build..Him – Why can't I please her..I'm bored.. Her-He does nothing for me.Finsih Already...That leads to complacency....

      December 8, 2011 at 13:50 | Report abuse |
  17. Apollo Creed

    She may fake great, but I'm a great faker!

    December 8, 2011 at 12:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Meshuggah

    Some women leave evidence when they have an orgasm. I've witnessed it "first hand". 🙂

    December 8, 2011 at 12:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. MM

    Women may fake orgasms but men fake entire relationships. Which is worse?

    December 8, 2011 at 12:36 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SamSkwirl

      Your Face??

      December 8, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse |
    • JJ

      Yah, 'cause women would never be phony or unrealistic about anything to do with relationships. Nor be in denial or anything like that...

      December 8, 2011 at 18:43 | Report abuse |
  20. Ann Your Point Is?

    Someone please fake it with Ann.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Epidi

    That has got to be the dumbest excuse I ever heard for faking it, lol. If he's cheating, kick his sorry behind to the curb, then find a lover who deserves your attentions. Fake it to keep him from cheating – LMFAO.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Richard

    This really doesn't happen. Women never fake it because all men are such great lovers. I can see there are quite a few who have responded. Keep it "Up" guys. None of you have anything to learn!

    December 8, 2011 at 12:51 | Report abuse | Reply
    • rippa

      WRONG...Majority of men are into gratifyin themselves (especially for quickies) without considering the other...Women teach/guide/instruct men on how to please them.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:38 | Report abuse |
  23. BassT@ard

    Why do women fake an orgasms...... who cares i got mine.

    December 8, 2011 at 12:56 | Report abuse | Reply
    • EC

      should just be "T@rd".

      December 8, 2011 at 13:07 | Report abuse |
    • rippa

      Trust I not faking it for no man...I am getting mine too!!!!

      December 8, 2011 at 13:34 | Report abuse |
  24. Truthwillsetyoufree

    She can fake it with me anytime....

    December 8, 2011 at 12:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. OhioPaul

    They must have pulled Ann's post, but from the responses i can tell it's a troll not even reading it...dont fall for the troll..

    December 8, 2011 at 12:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. paul

    Does it really matter as long as both parties are happy afterall...

    December 8, 2011 at 13:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Zaxxon

    Article I'd really like to read - "When is CNN going to return to actual news reporting and stop cluttering their website/television programming with this nonsense blather?" I seriously think there is an opening in the cable market for an actual news channel.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. YeahItsMe72

    If a girl isn't willing to fake it she doesn't really love you. Unfortunately this means I have no way of knowing if a woman loves me or not.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. Ron Jeremy

    If she faked it with this schlong she'd get the dry burn of a lifetime!

    December 8, 2011 at 13:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. TooClose2DC


    December 8, 2011 at 13:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SamSkwirl

      I think you were looking for "Strange".

      December 8, 2011 at 13:13 | Report abuse |
  31. Lanfear

    I believe women who fake it have a deeper underlying issue - lack of communication with their partner. My bf knows when I orgasm and when I don't/can't, because we talk about it! It's nothing to be ashamed or embarassed of. S-e-x is one of the most important factors of a relationship to be open about. That goes for fantasies, orgasms, anything and everything. It all needs to be discussed. If you're not open, that can lead to major insecurity and cheating by either party. I do see a link here.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Peter

    How do you know the fake oragasm? Any ideas?

    December 8, 2011 at 13:10 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SamSkwirl

      ....you would know, because your p3nis was up her @ss.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:12 | Report abuse |
    • rippa

      Her heart is not beating out of her chest..she is not sweating...she does not exhibit the transition of energy moment..(look it up)...She does not speak in tongs...Her eyes do not roll to the back of her head...She not trying to scratch the skin off you..she not losing control... If she just rolls over and goes to sleep with a wimper then dude you have some work to do and schedule a 1:1 weekend of serious getting to intimately know each training session....

      December 8, 2011 at 13:32 | Report abuse |
  33. SamSkwirl

    IDGAF if she fakes it, as long as she keeps swallowing.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. I'm not a mother faker...

    Ian, now, for the men's version of faking it...

    December 8, 2011 at 13:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Keeping it Real

    Interesting stuff writers. Most of what I read is shallow but without exception the point about communication hit the mark. Some women just cannot reach their supposed special moment; physical, emotional or psychological, who really knows this answer, but as a man we are created to honor a woman. Fellas, think of it this way, you have a mother – enough said there! Everybody is not meant to come together but trying has its merits. Faking speaks towards misaligned motives, perhaps what's needed at large is a checkup from the neckup! Love the commentary gang...

    December 8, 2011 at 13:13 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Just Keeping It

      So your name should be: "Keeping It Fake In Order Just To Keep It"????

      December 8, 2011 at 13:20 | Report abuse |
    • SammieB

      @Keeping it Real

      I can get myself off any minute of the week. Not the same situation as intercourse. If you don't get how biologically different men and women are and thus think that something is WRONG with a women if she can't orgasm during just penetration, you are the one that needs a shrink. It's not always psychological honey. Sometimes, it is just physical. And sometimes you men turn us the hell off. Deal with it.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:30 | Report abuse |
    • Bitter Much?

      SammieB.....sounds like you turn men off all the time so deal with it!!! LOL

      December 8, 2011 at 14:54 | Report abuse |
  36. Mike

    So, a woman constantly fakes it, the guy starts to believe he's a real stud, and goes out on the town to prove it. Sounds counter-productive to me . . .

    December 8, 2011 at 13:14 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SammieB

      @Mike – not when the women he cheats with tells him he sucks in bed, so he then returns to his wife/gf who thinks he's worth pretending that he's a stud.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse |
  37. James

    Men, myself included will never understand why a woman would fake it. Not every woman will have one every time, every guy knows that, it won't hurt our feelings. What it will do is stop us from trying to improve if we think we're already doing a great job.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. zoundsman

    Har-look at the photo. A woman 99 % would never cheat on. If there was a very homely woman in the photo,
    it would turn the article topsy turvy, as " Faking, not faking, exceptional cooking or baking ... the guy's going to

    December 8, 2011 at 13:15 | Report abuse | Reply
    • What?

      WHAT? lol

      December 8, 2011 at 14:58 | Report abuse |
  39. Iris

    I remember when I first started having s*x, I was with a guy who could never make me orgasm. But, I stayed with him, and I remember how he would continually ask me, "Did you?" over and over. And then, he would insist that I did just because his ego was crushed. He would tell me that I had one, and just didn't know, lol. Trust me, I knew what it felt like, but I didn't get it with you.

    I'm not going to lie about my orgasms. Why? What's the point?

    December 8, 2011 at 13:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sam Stewart

      Well, he's not a real man if he gave a s-h-i-t in the first place!!

      December 8, 2011 at 13:30 | Report abuse |
  40. martin

    So wait...you are saying that woman can't have an orgasm because they are afraid or think that their husband might be cheating. Do you actually get paid for writing?

    December 8, 2011 at 13:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Al

      LOL. He has written some best selling books. I would suggest you read the oral ones. Follow the advice and s/he will thank you for it. Incidentally, I would also suggest you lighten up and stop being so judgmental and prudish.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:25 | Report abuse |
  41. chuckcreig

    Yeah, but dating someone who looks like her will...

    December 8, 2011 at 13:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Keeping it Real

    Ok bucketheads time to do some work now!

    December 8, 2011 at 13:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Al

    In my experience, squirters don't squirt every time.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. missmythoughtsare

    If more women would be a hoochie at home and a lady in public, your man may not stray, but if he's sharing his wealth with you, while dating or being married to someone else, NEWSFLASH, he'll be a dog on you so don't think, "he married me so he's not cheating"...well that a laugh like the joke that starts, "I though if I had a baby he'd change, or stay or not hit me or...."

    December 8, 2011 at 13:23 | Report abuse | Reply
    • What

      Proof read please, for the love of god proof read!!!!

      December 8, 2011 at 15:02 | Report abuse |
    • Che

      No offense.
      You missed 1st Grade Basic English Lessons.
      Here it's.
      A sentence ends with a "period" or "full stop" and begins the next sentence with a "Capital Letter".
      How did you miss these?

      December 9, 2011 at 10:51 | Report abuse |
  45. rippa

    Don't fake it...Why??..you are only denying yourself ... If you're going go through the motions then get yours!!!!.And if he is not taking you to the finish line then either take yourself or have someone else take you there (visually or physically or mentally or fantasy) or make him pay attention to your needs and what you like. I feel for women who fake it or have not had that BIG O...especially with so many options available..

    December 8, 2011 at 13:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. SammieB

    What schizo article – maybe this – maybe that. The writer literally has no idea what he is talking about or thinking about. HOT MESS. Seriously, what's the point of an article if you have no direction?

    December 8, 2011 at 13:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Really?

      I think someone needs a lesson in reading comprehension!!! LOL

      December 8, 2011 at 15:04 | Report abuse |
  47. Henry

    The author says" While the idea of faking orgasm to keep a partner faithful is a novel one, one has to wonder about its potential effectiveness." That is an absurd notion. Females have been faking orgasm for thousands of years to assure that their security (a successful provider) stayed close to home.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Peggy B

    Al, is your last name Bundy?

    December 8, 2011 at 13:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Dr. Sanjay Gupta

    No woman can fake it with me.

    December 8, 2011 at 13:30 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Henry

      Bull – You're ego is showing.

      December 8, 2011 at 13:34 | Report abuse |
  50. nick

    listen, not for nothing but....... it is really easy to tell if a woman is faking..... really really easy. 🙂

    December 8, 2011 at 13:31 | Report abuse | Reply
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