home
RSS
Conception sex: The best laid plans
November 10th, 2011
07:12 AM ET

Conception sex: The best laid plans

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.

If you have kids or are hoping to get pregnant, you know all too well that trying to conceive is one of the few times when sex isn’t just about pleasure for pleasure’s sake.

In fact, unless you’re one of those couples that get pregnant right away, conception sex can become downright stressful. As a father of two boys, I understand that trying to conceive can start to seem pretty, well, trying.

According to one British survey, the average couple has sex 104 times before getting pregnant: four times a week on average over the course of six months. No wonder sex can start to feel like work. Here’s why:

You’re stuck with a schedule. Part of what makes sex so fun is that it can be spontaneous: Even if you’re always doing it in bed, at night, you at least have the option to have a hot hookup in your parked car or a little afternoon delight during your lunch break.

But when you’re trying to conceive, you become beholden to a schedule - one that’s dictated largely by biology and ovulation. This sense of pressure can make sex seem less like a decision based on desire and more like a boring chore to be checked off your to-do list, says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of “Sex and the Baby Years.”

You have to do it on demand. For many guys, the idea of a woman who wants a lot of sex all the time sounds great, right? And that’s how it seems when you start trying to conceive. After a while, though, this approach can get awfully old, and you can say goodbye to foreplay and any sort of emotional connection.

You might even start to feel like a sex object, as if she wants you only for your sperm. The same British survey confirms that experience, with 11% of men saying that conception sex made them feel “completely used." And it’s no easier for women. The free pass for constant sex can initially be a boon to women with high sex drives.

“Eventually, though, you may just start to view sex as a means to an end,” says Hutcherson. “One of my patients actually described yelling at her husband, ‘It doesn’t take that long! You don’t have to enjoy it! Just ejaculate!’”

You’re both under stress. Unless you get pregnant early on, the whole process of conception sex can start to wear on you both. You might end up having less sex - and less-pleasurable sex - as time passes. And if you can’t conceive right away, visits to your doc­tor for invasive fertility testing and treatments can make conception sex extra stressful.

One recent study published in Fertility & Sterility found that women who underwent treatment for infertility reported being less satisfied with their sex lives, had sex less often and felt less sexual desire than those with normal fertility. Other research suggests that coping with infertility and its treat­ments can have negative effects on a couple’s emo­tional well-being and can create relationship tension.

Your bedroom routine gets routine. No one wants to constantly do the same thing, the same way, at the same time and in the same place. If your sex life is starting to feel like the movie "Groundhog Day," it’s time to mix things up, even as you continue to try to get pregnant.

So what should you do? First, don’t limit sex to a woman’s fertile days.

“Some people believe that they should ‘save’ the man’s ejaculate until ovulation. That’s a myth,” says Hutcherson. “In fact, storing up sperm can decrease its motility.”

So enjoy sex whenever - and wherever - you want it. View conception sex as a time to build a solid foundation for your life as parents: Trust me, you’ll be facing even more challenges to your sex life then!


soundoff (667 Responses)
  1. Cinda Gorby

    https://sandbox.google.com/url?q=j&source=web&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Fnewmomgiftshop.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg

    June 20, 2021 at 16:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Jospeh Villetas

    https://google.cg/url?q=https://ocrvparts.com

    June 20, 2021 at 18:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Kyle Rantz

    http://www.fhwa.dot.gov/reauthorization/reauexit.cfm?link=https://www.ocrvluxurycoaches.com

    June 20, 2021 at 19:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Marquerite Aites

    https://findit.timesleader.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://club-maserati.com

    June 20, 2021 at 19:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. western union near me

    http://seikou.jpn-sex.com/out.cgi?id=00531&url=https://bestshopnearme.com/

    June 20, 2021 at 23:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Camper Repair Shop Near Me

    http://www.paulferrante.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com

    June 21, 2021 at 02:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Nearest RV Repair

    http://tofts.ueigroupfoils.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com

    June 21, 2021 at 03:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Nearby RV Repair

    Your style is so unique in comparison to other people I have read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you've got the opportunity, Guess I'll just bookmark this site.

    http://jshmanagement.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvcenter.com

    June 21, 2021 at 04:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. gunsmith near me

    http://www.cheapxbox.co.uk/go.php?url=https://bestservicenearme.com

    June 21, 2021 at 06:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. RV Repairs Near Me

    A motivating discussion is worth comment. I think that you need to write more about this subject matter, it might not be a taboo matter but typically folks don't talk about such topics. To the next! Many thanks!!

    http://vegetablebrush.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com

    June 21, 2021 at 10:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. RV Repair Shop Near Me

    Hello there! I could have sworn Iíve visited your blog before but after looking at some of the posts I realized itís new to me. Nonetheless, Iím definitely pleased I came across it and Iíll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!

    http://cocha.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com

    June 21, 2021 at 12:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. RV Body Repair Shops Near Me

    You made some really good points there. I looked on the internet to learn more about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.

    http://catholichomeschoolpa.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.mobi/

    June 21, 2021 at 14:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Nearest RV Repair

    Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful post. Thank you for providing this information.

    http://www.osservamedia.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.store

    June 21, 2021 at 18:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Nearby RV Repairs

    When I originally commented I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the same comment. Is there a way you are able to remove me from that service? Many thanks!

    http://ww31.rooknet.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.fun

    June 21, 2021 at 19:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. RV Repair Near Me Now

    This website was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Many thanks!

    http://www.youlist.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvluxurycoaches.com

    June 21, 2021 at 20:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Mercedes Diesel Repair

    An outstanding share! I've just forwarded this onto a friend who had been doing a little research on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast due to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to talk about this topic here on your internet site.

    https://banatanama.ir/banatanama.ir/viewpage.aspx?url=https://fleetservicerepairshop.com

    June 21, 2021 at 21:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Repair Conversion Van Blinds

    Excellent write-up. I definitely love this site. Keep writing!

    http://www.down2earthmusic.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=fleetvehiclerepairshop.com

    June 21, 2021 at 21:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Nearest RV Repair

    Itís nearly impossible to find well-informed people in this particular subject, however, you sound like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks

    http://warpradio.com/follow.asp?url=http://ocrv.vip/

    June 22, 2021 at 02:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. RV Repair Shop

    Very good information. Lucky me I discovered your blog by accident (stumbleupon). I've saved it for later!

    http://www.wineinsiders.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.vip

    June 22, 2021 at 04:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. RV Repair Orange County

    Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful article. Thanks for providing this information.

    http://energyloan.org/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvcenter.com/

    June 22, 2021 at 10:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Promaster Van Conversion Shop

    Right here is the right blog for anybody who hopes to understand this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really would want toÖHaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a topic which has been written about for a long time. Excellent stuff, just wonderful!

    http://www.smwauto.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.commercialvanrepairshop.com

    June 22, 2021 at 13:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. tin foil hat podcast

    http://www.analsextaboo.com/cgi-bin/atx/out.cgi?id=87&tag=top&trade=https://backbonehunters.com/

    June 22, 2021 at 17:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Video Marketing Near Me

    http://hqh.datum.tv/ra.asp?m=&p=&url=https://consciousgrowthmarketing.com

    June 23, 2021 at 02:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Digital Marketing Consultant Near Me

    Good day! I just want to give you a big thumbs up for your great info you've got here on this post. I'll be coming back to your blog for more soon.

    http://www.celebsilove.com/cgi-bin/at3/out.cgi?id=437&tag=toptop&trade=https://consciousgrowthmarketing.com/

    June 23, 2021 at 05:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Local Marketing Agencies

    https://www.oidhreacht.ie/webpilot/translate/lang.asp?url=consciousgrowthmarketing.com

    June 23, 2021 at 08:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. norm macdonald podcast

    Great blog you have got here.. Itís hard to find high-quality writing like yours these days. I really appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!

    http://www.bauerpottery.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=backbonehunters.com

    June 23, 2021 at 10:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Camper RV Repair Near Me

    http://www.knowledge.matrixplus.ru/out.php?link=https://theocrv.com/

    June 23, 2021 at 13:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. RV Brake Repair Near Me

    Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to create a superb articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I procrastinate a whole lot and don't seem to get anything done.

    http://myappshubb.org/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.us

    June 23, 2021 at 14:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. RV Electrical Repair Near Me

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and the rest of the website is very good.

    http://www.cartergrandle.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=theocrv.com

    June 23, 2021 at 17:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Internet Marketing Firms

    http://dpinterracial.com/cgi-bin/atx/out.cgi?id=58&tag=top1&trade=https://spokanevalleymarketing.com

    June 23, 2021 at 17:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Google Marketing Service

    You've made some good points there. I looked on the internet to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.

    http://www.bondageonthe.net/cgi-bin/atx/out.cgi?id=67&trade=https://postfallsfitness.com

    June 23, 2021 at 22:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. RV Roof Repair Near Me

    I really like reading an article that will make men and women think. Also, thank you for permitting me to comment!

    http://popoco.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrv.biz

    June 24, 2021 at 07:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. RV And Trailer Repair Near Me

    Itís hard to find experienced people for this subject, however, you sound like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks

    http://wtp.takhlis.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvmotorsports.com

    June 24, 2021 at 11:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. rv doctor near me

    Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Many thanks, However I am going through difficulties with your RSS. I donít understand the reason why I cannot join it. Is there anyone else having similar RSS problems? Anyone who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanks!!

    http://xg4ken.com/media/redir.php?prof=10&camp=5698&affcode=kw106227&url=https://ocrvcenter.com/

    June 24, 2021 at 14:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. RV Repair Near My Location

    http://ty360.com/goto_url.asp?url=ocrvcenter.com/

    June 24, 2021 at 18:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. RV Windshield Repair Near Me

    Good post! We are linking to this great post on our website. Keep up the good writing.

    https://fr.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=http://ocrvcenter.com

    June 24, 2021 at 19:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. RV Repair Orange County

    https://evan.ru/bitrix/redirect.php?goto=www.ocrvcenter.com

    June 24, 2021 at 21:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. RV Awning Repair Near Me

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up plus the rest of the website is very good.

    https://www.pravitelstvorb.ru/bitrix/redirect.php?goto=ocrvcenter.com/

    June 25, 2021 at 06:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Camper Repair Near Me

    http://www.deluxeforbusiness.com/5887/cgi-bin/online/announcer5/linker.php?st=50878&link=www.ocrvcenter.com

    June 25, 2021 at 09:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Best RV Repair Near Me

    There is definately a great deal to know about this subject. I like all of the points you have made.

    https://www.epubli.de/shop/buch/45209/go?link=https://kameron2k89m.humor-blog.com/3868685/top-latest-five-rv-repairs-near-me-urban-news

    June 25, 2021 at 10:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Roof Repair Service Near Me

    /

    June 25, 2021 at 11:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Nearest RV Repair

    I needed to thank you for this wonderful read!! I certainly enjoyed every bit of it. I've got you saved as a favorite to check out new stuff you postÖ

    http://park3.wakwak.com/~yadoryuo/cgi-bin/click3/click3.cgi?cnt=chalet-main&url=https://my.sarl.eu.org/

    June 25, 2021 at 12:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Tatum Girgis

    https://www.cropscience.bayer.ca/?setlanguage=en&returnUrl=http://ocrv.store

    June 25, 2021 at 15:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. 24 Hour RV Repair Near Me

    This web site truly has all the information I wanted about this subject and didnít know who to ask.

    http://www.webclap.com/php/jump.php?sa=t&url=http://sancheznovella.com/es/module/smartblog/details?id_post=51

    June 25, 2021 at 19:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. Best RV Repair Shop Near Me

    Saved as a favorite, I like your web site!

    https://keyweb.vn/redirect.php?url=https://yarbnas.com/video/how-to-make-tda2030a-amplifier-using-power-dc-12v-at-homecomment-page-299

    June 25, 2021 at 20:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. RV Plumbing Repair Near Me

    https://account.vfw.org/Authenticate.aspx?ReturnUrl=https://www.beta.lekhafoods.com/speciality/starters/rolls-and-balls/chicken-and-caesar-wrap.aspx

    June 25, 2021 at 22:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Trent Crosby

    https://www.yourareacode.com/management/emailer/sections/link.php?campaign_id=16217&url=https://socalforklifttraining.com/

    June 25, 2021 at 22:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Camper Repair Near Me

    May I simply say what a relief to uncover somebody who really understands what they are discussing on the web. You certainly realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. A lot more people ought to look at this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you are not more popular given that you most certainly have the gift.

    http://www.med.lublin.pl/S_baner/adclick.php?bannerid=16&zoneid=0&source=&dest=https://niharika.co.in/

    June 25, 2021 at 23:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Best RV Repair Near Me

    /

    June 26, 2021 at 04:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Sprinter Repair Orange County

    https://client.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=http://tvrepairdanten.blogspot.com

    June 26, 2021 at 10:26 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Post a comment


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.