 |
|
|
|
September 22nd, 2011
07:20 AM ET
How did your childhood affect your sexuality?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
We need to look at how we were modeled - or, in other words, what we learned and internalized about sex and relationships throughout our childhood and adolescence, and how those experiences affected the ways we “mate and relate” today. I often ask people to think about the following statements and whether they are true or false: 2. My parents had different approaches to providing affection to my siblings and me. (For instance, in many cases, fathers are more comfortable rough-housing with boys than with girls.) 3. Growing up, my parents were always affectionate with each other. (Do you remember your parents hugging or kissing? Did they seem physically comfortable and connected? Or were they cold and distant?) 4. My parents employed physical means of discipline. (Did your parents ever reprimand you with a hand or belt? Was the method routine? Was it specific to only one parent? Was physicality something you associated more with punishment than affection in your childhood?) 5. As I grew older, my parents were less comfortable showing affection. (Were your parents more standoffish as you matured through puberty and adolescence? Were you aware of any differences in how your mother and father physically interacted with you?) Whether these statements are “true” or “false” for you can offer valuable insight into your current views of sexuality. In her book "Sex Smart," Dr. Aline Zoldbrod examines how childhood shapes one’s adult sexual life, and she divides home environments into the seven following types based on how sexual topics are handled. Can you identify your own childhood environment with any of these broad types?* 1. The ideal environment. In this happy home, sexual curiosity is encouraged, questions about sex are answered with age-appropriate information and privacy and independence are respected and actively cultivated. 2. The predominantly nurturing environment. This environment is similar to the ideal environment, albeit with some glaring gaps. For instance, a parent or sibling suffers from intermittent periods of depression or illness, or a divorce and remarriage cause a break in the seamless functioning of the ideal environment. 3. The evasive environment. In this scenario, parents generally avoid the subject of sex and foster an environment where asking about sexual matters is uncomfortable. This is often consistent with a family where the parents are not openly affectionate with each other, even if they are affectionate to their children. 4. The permissive environment. At the other end of the spectrum is the home where sex is discussed too openly, with parents providing too much information too soon. In such a home, parents generally share intimate information with their children about their own sex lives and actively encourage their children to experiment sexually at too young an age to appreciate the emotional and psychological consequences. 5. The negative environment. In such a home, nonmarital sex is not merely avoided but treated as immoral, providing a fertile nesting ground for homophobia, misogyny and sexual problems in later life, including fear of masturbation, inability to achieve orgasm in women and premature ejaculation in men. 6. The seductive environment. In this scenario, relationships between parents and children or siblings are not overtly sexual, but are tinged with an inappropriate level of sexuality, including the routine discussion of age-inappropriate sexual matters. 7. The overtly sexual environment (or what I would term the abusive environment). This home is characterized by inappropriate sexual contact between a parent and child. Just to be absolutely clear, this inappropriate contact does constitute sexual abuse, even if the child often doesn’t recognize it as such or blocks it out. Whether the abuse happens just once or occurs over an extended period of time or is inflicted by a member of the immediate family or extended family of friends and relatives, growing up in an overtly sexual home can inflict long-term damage that impedes the ability to engage in healthy adult sexual relationships. From fear of intimacy to anger to lack of desire to promiscuity, overcoming the legacy of growing up in an overtly sexual environment requires time, work and professional counseling. We can’t change where we came from, but we can affect the environment we create for our kids. As the Beatles wrote, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” * Zoldbrod bases her typology on previous work published by Bolton, F., L. Morris, and A. MacEachron. "Males at Risk: The Other Side of Child Sexual Abuse." soundoff (934 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 Next »Post a comment
Next entry »Never too late to find your path in life
« Previous entryNew ALS gene mutation discovered
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
To create and sustain healthy intimate relationships, we often need to go back to the original building blocks of our sexual socialization and see how our patterns of sexual behavior took shape.
Not many writers with proper knowledge of the subjects they discuss.
https://www.sfweekly.com/uncategorized/best-cbd-oil-for-dogs-in-2019-cbd-oil-for-pets-reviews/
Not many authors with proper understanding of the subjects they blog about.
https://www.sfweekly.com/uncategorized/best-cbd-oil-for-dogs-in-2019-cbd-oil-for-pets-reviews/
Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful post. Many thanks for providing these details.
https://qiita.com/creammile15
https://www.blackplanet.com/stevenpants36/message/23085343
Your style is unique in comparison to other people I've read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you've got the opportunity, Guess I'll just book mark this page.
https://www.indiegogo.com/individuals/25890379
htxsc frjkm z15e
I’m impressed, I must say. Actually not often do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me let you know, you've got hit the nail on the head. Your concept is excellent; the difficulty is one thing that not sufficient persons are talking intelligently about. I am very completely satisfied that I stumbled throughout this in my seek for something referring to this.
https://www.google.ac/url?q=https://generaldailynews.com/finest-tarps-select-the-proper-tarp-for-tenting-survival-and-extra//
e3xiq 8i05j ni7j
Valuable info. Fortunate me I found your site by chance, and I'm surprised why this twist of fate did not came about
in advance! I bookmarked it.
My web site PeteGJayes
Great write-up, I’m normal visitor of one’s website, maintain up the excellent operate, and It is going to be a regular visitor for a long time.
http://images.google.com.na/url?q=https://furhanreviews.com
I’d need to examine with you here. Which isn't one thing I normally do! I get pleasure from studying a publish that can make folks think. Also, thanks for permitting me to remark!
https://penzu.com/p/a302ba72
I have fun with, cause I found exactly what I used to be looking for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
http://www.bshare.cn/share?url=https://insurancelead.net
great points altogether, you just won a emblem new reader. What might you suggest in regards to your publish that you made some days ago? Any sure?
https://www.imp.mx/salto.php?va=https://insurancelead.net
Many thanks, this site is really useful.
http://api5cteventsekz.simplesite.com/448267860
Cool web-site you've right here.
https://postheaven.net/d2rxwda249/use-resistant-steel-plate-refers-to-the-special-plate-products-utilized-for
I believe this is among the such a lot significant information for me. And i am happy studying your article. However want to statement on few basic things, The site style is great, the articles is truly nice : D. Just right activity, cheers
https://www.export.org.au/Redirect.aspx?destination=https://safemutualfund.com
Best view i have ever seen !
https://lcu.hlcommission.org/lcu/pages/auth/forgotPassword.aspx?Returnurl=https://thuocladientu123.com
An impressive share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing somewhat evaluation on this. And he in truth purchased me breakfast as a result of I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! However yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love studying extra on this topic. If possible, as you turn into expertise, would you thoughts updating your weblog with more details? It is highly useful for me. Massive thumb up for this weblog submit!
http://foro.infojardin.com/proxy.php?link=https://safemutualfund.com
Howdy! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted
to give a quick shout out and say I really
enjoy reading your articles. Can you recommend
any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same subjects?
Thanks a ton!
Here is my webpage – ring binder cover
Nice content and good writing. I really like this site so much a lot of stuff and very informative too.Thanks for sharing a good things.Keep it up. เกมยิงปลา
https://www.slotcat777.com/blog/shooting-fish/11/Tips-for-shooting-fish-game
Thank you, I've recently been seeking for details about this subject matter for ages and yours is the best I've located so far.
https://Proxyti.com/features
Appreciating the commitment you put into your website and detailed information you provide. It's good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the same old rehashed information. Excellent read! I've saved your site and I'm including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
http://www2.apwa.net/redirector.asp?url=https://breakingnewsmail.com
You are a very clever individual!
https://www.hearthpwn.com/linkout?remoteUrl=https://breakingnewsmail.com
It's my first time here.I found this post from google search.It's very useful and very informative for everyone Thanks for sharing this.Keep it up.เกมยิงปลา
https://www.slotcat777.com/blog/shooting-fish/11/Tips-for-shooting-fish-game
May I just say what a comfort to uncover an individual who really knows what they're talking about over the internet. You actually understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. A lot more people really need to look at this and understand this side of the story. I can't believe you aren't more popular given that you most certainly have the gift.
http://www.erasem.com/betatest/member.php?action=profile&uid=73278
Encontre as Melhores Ofertas e Cupons no Os10Melhor. Reunimos promoções de Smartphones, TVs, Moda e muito mais. O menor preço nas melhores lojas.
https://t.me/s/os10melhores
You've made some really good points there. I looked on the web to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.
https://www.solocasa.es/user/profile/118366
https://nerdgaming.science/wiki/Just_how_Good_Is_House_Edge_Payouts_For_Tai_Sai
Right here is the right website for anybody who hopes to understand this topic. You understand so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really will need to횜HaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject that's been written about for ages. Great stuff, just excellent!
https://lessontoday.com/profile/cornetblouse02/activity/483496/
Encontre as Melhores Ofertas e Cupons no Os10Melhores. Reunimos promoções de Smartphones, TVs, Moda e muito mais. O menor preço nas melhores lojas.
https://android.libhunt.com/u/eletrodomesticos
https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/
Good post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon everyday. It's always helpful to read content from other authors and practice something from other websites.
http://bookmarkstumble.com/submit
This site was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Kudos!
https://writeablog.net/pondunit65/the-best-way-to-swedish-massage-prepares-the-body-to-pregnancy
http://ya4r.net/go.php?url=http://mariogcgq947.theglensecret.com/how-to-win-big-in-the-ulikajino-industry
Hello it's me, I am also visiting this site on a regular basis,
this web site is really fastidious and the people are in fact sharing nice thoughts.
http://www.russtars.tv/user/northhip6/
Heya are using WordPress for your blog platform? I'm new to the blog
world but I'm trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any coding knowledge to make your own blog?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!
With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of exclusive content I've either authored myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my agreement. Do you know any techniques to help stop content from being ripped off? I'd certainly appreciate it.
http://kurnoolclassifieds.com/item/new
Encontre as Melhores Ofertas e Cupons no Os10Melhores. Reunimos promoções de Smartphones, TVs, Moda e muito mais. O menor preço nas melhores lojas.
https://t.me/s/os10melhores
Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly comeback.
https://www.inventables.com/users/ballesaunders0368
Hey! I really could have sworn I've been to this site before but after reading through a
number of the post I realized it's a new comer to me.
Nonetheless, I'm definitely happy I discovered
it and I'll be bookmarking and checking back frequently!
Feel free to visit my web blog :: notebook set
Hi there just wanted to provide you with a brief heads up.
The text within your post are running away from the screen in Chrome.
I'm uncertain if this is a format issue or something connected with internet browser compatibility having said that i figured
I'd post to let you know. The design and design look good though!
Hope you obtain the problem fixed soon. Thanks
Check out my site; coin purse insert for chic sparrow mr darcy
I'm not sure why but this website is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I'll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.
https://hubpages.com/@centnotify87
Hey there! I've been reading your web site for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Huffman Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the fantastic job!
https://diigo.com/0jgbig
May I simply just say what a comfort to uncover an individual who genuinely understands what they're talking about online. You definitely realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people have to look at this and understand this side of the story. It's surprising you are not more popular given that you surely have the gift.
http://gitlab.asap.um.maine.edu/ratebeam94
https://www.empowher.com/users/baygreen04
This is a topic that is near to my heart... Many thanks! Where are your contact details though?
http://opensocialfactory.com/submit
Aw, this was an exceptionally good post. Taking the time and actual effort to make a really good articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I hesitate a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.
https://vsedorogi.org/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&task=user&id=344491
https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/
A lot of thanks for every one of your efforts on this site. Ellie take interest in going through investigations and it's really simple to grasp why. My spouse and i learn all about the powerful way you produce very useful solutions through your website and in addition cause participation from the others about this topic then my child is without a doubt learning a whole lot. Enjoy the rest of the new year. You are always conducting a remarkable job.
https://dailyuploads.net/gdbzuwsa0s29