 |
|
|
|
September 22nd, 2011
07:20 AM ET
How did your childhood affect your sexuality?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
We need to look at how we were modeled - or, in other words, what we learned and internalized about sex and relationships throughout our childhood and adolescence, and how those experiences affected the ways we “mate and relate” today. I often ask people to think about the following statements and whether they are true or false: 2. My parents had different approaches to providing affection to my siblings and me. (For instance, in many cases, fathers are more comfortable rough-housing with boys than with girls.) 3. Growing up, my parents were always affectionate with each other. (Do you remember your parents hugging or kissing? Did they seem physically comfortable and connected? Or were they cold and distant?) 4. My parents employed physical means of discipline. (Did your parents ever reprimand you with a hand or belt? Was the method routine? Was it specific to only one parent? Was physicality something you associated more with punishment than affection in your childhood?) 5. As I grew older, my parents were less comfortable showing affection. (Were your parents more standoffish as you matured through puberty and adolescence? Were you aware of any differences in how your mother and father physically interacted with you?) Whether these statements are “true” or “false” for you can offer valuable insight into your current views of sexuality. In her book "Sex Smart," Dr. Aline Zoldbrod examines how childhood shapes one’s adult sexual life, and she divides home environments into the seven following types based on how sexual topics are handled. Can you identify your own childhood environment with any of these broad types?* 1. The ideal environment. In this happy home, sexual curiosity is encouraged, questions about sex are answered with age-appropriate information and privacy and independence are respected and actively cultivated. 2. The predominantly nurturing environment. This environment is similar to the ideal environment, albeit with some glaring gaps. For instance, a parent or sibling suffers from intermittent periods of depression or illness, or a divorce and remarriage cause a break in the seamless functioning of the ideal environment. 3. The evasive environment. In this scenario, parents generally avoid the subject of sex and foster an environment where asking about sexual matters is uncomfortable. This is often consistent with a family where the parents are not openly affectionate with each other, even if they are affectionate to their children. 4. The permissive environment. At the other end of the spectrum is the home where sex is discussed too openly, with parents providing too much information too soon. In such a home, parents generally share intimate information with their children about their own sex lives and actively encourage their children to experiment sexually at too young an age to appreciate the emotional and psychological consequences. 5. The negative environment. In such a home, nonmarital sex is not merely avoided but treated as immoral, providing a fertile nesting ground for homophobia, misogyny and sexual problems in later life, including fear of masturbation, inability to achieve orgasm in women and premature ejaculation in men. 6. The seductive environment. In this scenario, relationships between parents and children or siblings are not overtly sexual, but are tinged with an inappropriate level of sexuality, including the routine discussion of age-inappropriate sexual matters. 7. The overtly sexual environment (or what I would term the abusive environment). This home is characterized by inappropriate sexual contact between a parent and child. Just to be absolutely clear, this inappropriate contact does constitute sexual abuse, even if the child often doesn’t recognize it as such or blocks it out. Whether the abuse happens just once or occurs over an extended period of time or is inflicted by a member of the immediate family or extended family of friends and relatives, growing up in an overtly sexual home can inflict long-term damage that impedes the ability to engage in healthy adult sexual relationships. From fear of intimacy to anger to lack of desire to promiscuity, overcoming the legacy of growing up in an overtly sexual environment requires time, work and professional counseling. We can’t change where we came from, but we can affect the environment we create for our kids. As the Beatles wrote, “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” * Zoldbrod bases her typology on previous work published by Bolton, F., L. Morris, and A. MacEachron. "Males at Risk: The Other Side of Child Sexual Abuse." soundoff (2,664 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 Next »Post a comment
Next entry »Never too late to find your path in life
« Previous entryNew ALS gene mutation discovered
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
To create and sustain healthy intimate relationships, we often need to go back to the original building blocks of our sexual socialization and see how our patterns of sexual behavior took shape.
Romance Novels Online Free Kims Medical College Bangalore Fee Structure
For Mbbs
my blog post – bog (https://vigorous-snyder-fa1026.netlify.app)
Best view i have ever seen !
https://images.google.com.et/url?q=https://www.songmanhits.com
https://astrologicalstudio.com
You make some thoughtful arguments within this article, but aren't you oversimplifying something contextual?
http://okeepo.co.uk/groups/airlines-urge-passengers-to-wear-face-masks/
I have been on the MAOI anti-depressant for 10 years and it literally cured my cripping social anxiety and depression
https://nardil.org/global-nardil-shortage
My brother suggested I might like this website. He was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann't imagine just how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!
http://thejerkybox.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=apnews.com/press-release/kisspr/lifestyle-business-marketing-and-advertising-corporate-news-animals-70efe4b6c3baedec2b6afd81518994f3
https://zenwriting.net/versegame4/actual-casino-jobs
Very few writers with appropriate knowledge of the topics they blog about.
http://www.scrapality.com/2020/01/stop-your-tiredness-with-these-energy-boosting-tips.html
What an outstanding manner of checking out things.
http://www.scrapality.com/2020/01/stop-your-tiredness-with-these-energy-boosting-tips.html
Thank you for some other wonderful article. The place else may just anybody get that type of information in such a perfect way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I'm on the look for such information.
https://www.estibot.com/appraise?a=get&id=73467009&domain=boostdomainrating.com&source=appraise
Great post. I really enjoyed reading this. I'll make sure to share with my friends.
https://howtodiscuss.com/t/spanish-interpreter/37015
I was more than happy to find this internet-site.I needed to thanks for your time for this wonderful learn!! I positively having fun with each little bit of it and I've you bookmarked to check out new stuff you blog post.
http://admin.kpsearch.com/active/admin/customer/customer_email1_birthday.asp?item=&chname=gnc&strhomeurl=boostdomainrating.com&ch=283085
Very good information. Lucky me I recently found your blog by chance (stumbleupon). I've saved it for later!
https://foursquare.com/user/1361890296/list/increase-at-pai-cow-through-plans-that-other-men-a
Spot on with this write-up, I really feel this website needs a great deal more attention. IÃll probably be returning to see more, thanks for the information!
http://drscottstevenson.com/forum/user-144601.html
This is a topic which is close to my heart... Many thanks! Where are your contact details though?
http://jevois.org/qa/index.php?qa=user&qa_1=vesselgray69
Everyone loves it whenever people come together and share thoughts. Great site, stick with it!
https://www.empowher.com/users/gandercopy94
Howdy! I could possibly have sworn I've visited this blog before but after undergoing some of the articles I realized it's a new comer to me.
Anyways, I'm definitely pleased I stumbled upon it and I'll be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!
My blog :: AustinUAilor
Cool
https://maps.google.com.bh/url?q=https://www.thesufitrader.com
This page definitely has all the information and facts I wanted about this subject and didn챠t know who to ask.
https://unsplash.com/@unclebarber6
How do you copyright content on your site (Webcomic specifically)?
https://ask-cloudkicker.tumblr.com/
http://fluencyuniversity.com/members/viewpants76/activity/508133/
https://bjerggraverse.livejournal.com/profile
There's definately a good deal to understand
about this subject. I love every one of the points you made.
Here is my web page ... wallet size notebook
https://www.instapaper.com/p/wingbit5
Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Many thanks, However I am encountering difficulties with your RSS. I donÃt understand why I can't join it. Is there anybody having identical RSS problems? Anyone that knows the solution will you kindly respond? Thanks!!
http://www.3staronly.com/members/fearlotion7/activity/923777/
bookmarked!!, I like your web site!
https://proparentiahp.org/members/pickleperson54/activity/683762/
Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon every day. It's always interesting to read content from other authors and use something from other web sites.
http://socialnetworkadsinfo.com/story7327910/how-to-fight-addiction
https://addmyad.net/author/weightfriend68/
https://www.ted.com/profiles/26237407
https://www.bonanza.com/users/47827048/profile
I like looking through an article that can make people think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!
http://adamtibbs.com/elgg2/blog/view/862136/an-intro-to-casino-security
https://www.illustratedfaith.com/members/weederlyre2/activity/734244/
Russian actor Panin is seen on an erotic resource loveawake.ru
https://uberant.com/article/1171004-totally-free-casino-games/
Hi, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your website in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that,
amazing blog!
my webpage :: midori travelers notebook passport size
I am sure this piece of writing has touched all the internet people, its really really nice post
on building up new webpage.
http://gamesvuinhon.com/vuinhon/profile.php?section=personality&id=636989
Fantastic blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I'm hoping to start my own blog soon but I'm a little lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I'm completely confused .. Any tips? Cheers!
https://amandarykoff.tumblr.com/post/642491976480079872/quality-semenax-reviews
What an remarkable way of considering points.
https://www.sfweekly.com/uncategorized/best-cbd-oil-near-me-buy-cbd-oil-online/
Love the way you cover this topic.
https://www.sfweekly.com/uncategorized/best-cbd-oil-near-me-buy-cbd-oil-online/
The next time I read a blog, Hopefully it doesn't fail me just as much as this one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read, however I actually thought you'd have something helpful to say. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something you could possibly fix if you weren't too busy searching for attention.
https://lessontoday.com/profile/seaauthor6/activity/478688/
https://gumroad.com/6527509171264/p/the-warning-evidence-and-ramifications-of-betting-addiction
Greetings from California! I'm bored to death at the office thus i chosen to browse your website on my iphone during lunch break.
I enjoy the information you present here and can't wait to have a look once i get back home.
I'm shocked at how fast your blog site loaded on my own mobile ..
I'm not using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, excellent blog!
Also visit my web-site: IsaacBSetias
We are a group of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community. Your web site offered us with helpful information to work on. You've done an impressive task and our entire community will likely be grateful to you.
http://www.payshope.com
Achieving your fitness goal doesn’t have to require a certified personal trainer or an expensive gym memberships, it is not hard to exercise at home. It’s easy to go down a training and fitness rabbit hole, however, when you’re looking for the best home exercise equipment to outfit your personal home gym.
http://www.X7wFVYZgcs.com/X7wFVYZgcs
https://thinkgrc.com/members/brakecheque36/activity/381344/
Right here is the perfect blog for anyone who hopes to understand this topic. You understand so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really will need toÖHaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject that's been written about for many years. Excellent stuff, just excellent!
http://hindibookmark.com/story9155072/where-would-i-traveling-to-play-slot-machines
https://my.desktopnexus.com/tankmuscle7
http://facebook-faq.ru/index.php?qa=user&qa_1=porterbumper7
https://telegra.ph/American-Gambian-Cellular-Casino-Gambler-Video-Games-02-04