 |
|
|
|
September 15th, 2011
09:49 AM ET
Would you ever swing?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
No, I’m not talking about ballroom dancing. This is a sex column, after all. With buzz-terms like “monogamish” and “negotiated monogamy” making headlines, many couples are discovering that they have a shared appetite for sexual adventure, and that getting it on with another couple may be the golden ticket – not just to thrills, but also to staying together and surviving another day in the life of a relationship. While the term “swinging” may be a throwback to the 70s and the days of Plato’s Retreat, more and more modern couples are hooking up with other couples, either informally or through networks or clubs. And, of course, like all things online, the Internet has amplified these opportunities and made it easier to find couples and clubs in a neighborhood near you. As with most sexual activities, there haven’t been many studies into the prevalence of swinging - and many people who do it don’t necessarily want to admit it - but some experts believe that there could be as many 15 million Americans swinging on a regular basis. Chances are you have a friend or neighbor who is swinging. As I’ve written about previously in this column, I often run into two “sexual types” in my work as a sexuality counselor: “comfort creatures” and “thrill seekers.” The former takes a “less is more” approach to sexual novelty, while the latter often have a “more, more, more” attitude. Usually this dichotomy isn’t an issue when two people find themselves at the same end the spectrum. For two comfort creatures, for example, swinging isn’t probably high up on their sexual bucket list, although it might well be a fantasy. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, watching a partner have sex with someone else - these are very common fantasies, and, in many cases, sharing a fantasy can lead to an actual exploration of fantasy, especially when one partner is hankering for a bit more sexual adventure. “My husband and I had some confusion that we had to get straightened out,” a client whom I’ll call Kelly told me. “I feel very comfortable in our relationship, and I have a vivid fantasy life. I think of myself as a very sexual person. But when I mentioned my fantasy of watching him get it on with another woman, he wanted to make it a reality. At least he thought he did. We perused some sites, which was fun, but in the end, neither of us decided to pursue it. It just looked too sleazy. Luckily, the subject was dropped.” But for couples with a genuine appetite (and stomach) for sexual novelty, swinging might not be a big deal and might even be a counterintuitive way of strengthening their sense of fidelity and identity as a couple. It’s monogamy on shared terms. In fact, many couples who swing together paradoxically have even stronger sexual boundaries than couples who do not. But swinging can backfire, too. I worked with one couple who liked to swing on a regular basis, but the reason they ended up in my office was because she had major problems with all of the stuff he kept to himself: flirty friendships, porn usage, his enjoyment of strippers. She had no problem with swinging, but in every other way she demanded more exclusivity from the relationship than many far less sexually adventurous women would require. From her perspective, swinging was just another way of sharing everything, including sex. And for many couples, swinging is by no means a replacement for sex; it’s an augmentation, and very different than actual lovemaking with their partner. Many couples use occasional swinging as an opportunity to jumpstart their sex life and break out of a rut. “Swinging strengthens us,” says Jenny, a mother of two. “It’s something we do once or twice a year. We enjoy the scoping out of another couple, the flirtation, the sex, but also the way we talk about it for weeks after and incorporate into our fantasy life. We love having a secret life together – a whole different community than the ones we see at PTA meetings – although we’re just waiting for those worlds to collide.” But swinging certainly doesn’t work for everyone, especially couples in which one partner is going along for the ride with another partner, like when a true comfort creature is paired with a thrill seeker. Then it becomes a form of sexual pressure, and can lead to disastrous results. And sometimes we think we know what we want, but the process of discovery has unintended results. Ken, who had to convince his wife to give swinging a go, said, “I was prepared for everything, except seeing my wife kiss another man - out of the whole experience that’s the image I can’t get out of my head: her kissing another man. The moral of the lesson for me: Swinging is something a couple should work towards in their relationship, not begin with.” Ken’s wife wanted to give it another whirl, this time with the rule of no kissing. Meanwhile, Ken wanted to drop the whole thing. Monogamy: what a concept. soundoff (1,610 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Next »Leave a Reply to Tembepteriope
Next entry »What the Yuck: Do nail dryers cause cancer?
« Previous entrySurgery separates twins joined at hip
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
This is a very interesting article. Please, share more like this!
https://www.wtnzfox43.com/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
tadalafil max dose https://elitadalafill.com/ buy tadalafil
nice information for a new blogger. it is really helpful
https://lifestyle.967thewolf.net/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
carry on, dont stop
https://lifestyle.thepodcastpark.com/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
is erectile dysfunction genetic https://erectiledysfunctionpillscvs.com/ fast erectile repair
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and
the rest of the website is really good.
Feel free to visit my webpage – 카지노게임하는곳
I loved your blog. Cool.
https://beavertreeservices217253079.wordpress.com/2021/03/17/choosing-a-tree-service-professional/
facebook casino games https://casinoxsbest.com/ harrah's new orleans casino
casino slot machine tips on winning https://casinoxsgames.com/ red hawk casino bingo
wow, awesome blog article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.
https://www.secrettantric.com/
best slots at casino https://casinoxsonline.com/ best times to go to the casino
all free casino games https://casinoxsbonus.com/ mbit casino no deposit bonus
I am so grateful for your blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.
https://www.secrettantric.com/
Exchange your Ethereum to Naira at 247xchanger Website: https://247xchanger.comSkype: 247xchangerICQ: 658952962WhatsApp: +234 814 277 9376We are online 24/7.We assure you a fast service delivery.
http://bit.ly/247xchanger
harrah's casino new orleans https://casinoxsplay.com/ new york-new york hotel and casino
http://essaywriteris.com/ – someone write my essay buy essay cheap online essay writer reviews cheap essay help
https://thesiswritingtob.com/ – proquest thesis search writing your thesis thesis research thesis paper
doubledown casino free chips codes https://casinoxsbest.com/ free no deposit bonus codes for planet 7 mobile casino
hotel and casino new mexico https://casinoxsbonus.com/ free casino game
hotel and casino new mexico https://casinoxsonline.com/ new casino vancouver wa
Commenting on a blog is an art. Good comments create relations. You're doing great work. Keep it up.
https://lifestyle.xtra1063.com/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
Thank You for your information
https://lifestyle.us983.com/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
Really very happy to say,your post is very interesting to read.I never stop myself to say something about it.You're doing a great job.Keep it up
https://lifestyle.countrylegends1059.com/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
Wow this blog is very nice!
https://lifestyle.1045thedan.com/story/43461794/signature-window-washing-company-celebrates-6-years-in-business
It now offers you having a specific pair of audiences.
The important thing is to conduct proper keyword research.
This is the same goal get for private personal customers.
https://dissertationahelp.com/ – dissertation examples what is dissertation choosing a dissertation topic examples of dissertations
Think back to your most successful piece of content. Now consider all the additional approaches you might send this information. Would it work like being a movie? As an Info-graphic? Just as a more white paper or guide? Just as a far more thorough collection of shorter articles?
https://imoodle.win/wiki/When_the_Desire_is_strong_you_can_Always_Locate_right_Equipment_online_for_any_Job
This is a very interesting article. Please, share more like this!
https://italianrestaurantorlando.blogspot.com/2021/03/why-are-italian-restaurants-so-popular.html
best i have ever seen!Hello, always i used to check webpage posts here early in the daylight, for the reason that i love to gain knowledge of more and more.
https://italianrestaurantorlando.tumblr.com/post/646006119207239680/what-should-you-consider-when-choosing-an-italian
very interesting , good job and thanks for sharing such a good blog.
https://christinisristoranteitaliano.wordpress.com/2021/03/24/italian-restaurants-are-the-best-places-to-go-for-a-night-out/
I'm not sure where you are getting your information, but great topic.
https://christinisristoranteitaliano.blogspot.com/2021/03/reasons-why-italian-restaurants-can-be.html
A great read. I'll definitely be back.
https://christinisristorantefl.tumblr.com/post/646552041051865088/an-italian-restaurant-for-a-romantic-date
such a great information for blogger i am a professional blogger thanks
https://www.behance.net/gallery/116109573/Italian-Restaurant-Gateway-to-the-Culture-of-Italy
This blog is great check it out
https://diigo.com/0k2bv6
I'm not sure where you are getting your information, but great topic.
https://beavertreeservices217253079.wordpress.com/2021/03/17/choosing-a-tree-service-professional/
Wow this blog is very nice!
https://beavertreeservices.blogspot.com/2021/03/5-different-tasks-that-tree-service.html
Thank you, I've just been looking for information approximately this topic for a long time and yours is the greatest I have discovered so far. But, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you certain concerning the supply?
https://www.behance.net/gallery/115640721/Hiring-Tree-Trimming-Services-For-Your-Lawn
https://kloviagrli.com/ – viagra costs https://vigedon.com/ – cheap viagra for sale https://llecialisjaw.com/ – when will cialis be over the counter https://jwcialislrt.com/ – cialis price https://jecialisbn.com/ – cialis for sale online
[url=https://thesiswritingtob.com/]phd thesis writing[/url] doctoral thesis help thesis writing service thesis research proposal
Thanks for wonderful information I used to be in search of this info for my mission.
https://autobodyrepairraleigh.tumblr.com/post/646009480132329472/all-you-need-to-know-about-quality-auto-body
Commenting on a blog is an art. Good comments create relations. You're doing great work. Keep it up.
https://www.behance.net/gallery/115710583/Tips-for-Finding-a-Collision-Repair-Service
This is a very interesting article. Please, share more like this!
https://windowcleaningdenver.tumblr.com/post/646451778740731904/the-need-of-obtaining-professional-office-and
thanks for sharing!
https://www.scoop.it/topic/basic-steps-of-basement-remodeling
Earning cryptocurrencies is all the rage these days. It seems that everyone is investing in, trading, or finding some other way to earn bitcoin and crypto.But here is the thing: earning crypto isn’t always easy or profitable, and sometimes it can be highly risky. For example, if you decide to jump into trading, you’ll need certain knowledge about the topic.And when it comes to investing, you need to be cautious and do extensive research, since the crypto arena is flooded with all types of scams and Ponzi schemes.So, is there a way to earn crypto without taking chances on trading or investing? Of course, there is. In fact, there are plenty, and one of them is crypto and bitcoin casino.
https://bc.game/i-1mgwfs8r-n/
thanks for sharing!
http://money.mymotherlode.com/clarkebroadcasting.mymotherlode/news/read/41077120/
This is a very interesting article. Please, share more like this!
http://google.is/url?q=https://goo.gl/maps/hwAqB4KE4ybHPmDK9
nice information for a new blogger. it is really helpful
http://google.com/url?q=https://goo.gl/maps/bDKYVuKajtBKA72h9
Interesting stuff to read. Keep it up.
http://google.la/url?q=https://posts.gle/FaTsydGwPrG8sewb9
https://ljcialishe.com/ – cialis manufacturer https://cialisvja.com/ – cialis discount coupons https://viagraonlinejc.com/ – viagra spider https://viagratx.com/ – buying viagra in mexico https://buycialisxz.com/ – how long for cialis to peak
You need to be a part of a contest for one of the greatest sites on the internet. I am going to recommend this web site!
https://extraproxies.com