 |
|
|
|
September 15th, 2011
09:49 AM ET
Would you ever swing?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
No, I’m not talking about ballroom dancing. This is a sex column, after all. With buzz-terms like “monogamish” and “negotiated monogamy” making headlines, many couples are discovering that they have a shared appetite for sexual adventure, and that getting it on with another couple may be the golden ticket – not just to thrills, but also to staying together and surviving another day in the life of a relationship. While the term “swinging” may be a throwback to the 70s and the days of Plato’s Retreat, more and more modern couples are hooking up with other couples, either informally or through networks or clubs. And, of course, like all things online, the Internet has amplified these opportunities and made it easier to find couples and clubs in a neighborhood near you. As with most sexual activities, there haven’t been many studies into the prevalence of swinging - and many people who do it don’t necessarily want to admit it - but some experts believe that there could be as many 15 million Americans swinging on a regular basis. Chances are you have a friend or neighbor who is swinging. As I’ve written about previously in this column, I often run into two “sexual types” in my work as a sexuality counselor: “comfort creatures” and “thrill seekers.” The former takes a “less is more” approach to sexual novelty, while the latter often have a “more, more, more” attitude. Usually this dichotomy isn’t an issue when two people find themselves at the same end the spectrum. For two comfort creatures, for example, swinging isn’t probably high up on their sexual bucket list, although it might well be a fantasy. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, watching a partner have sex with someone else - these are very common fantasies, and, in many cases, sharing a fantasy can lead to an actual exploration of fantasy, especially when one partner is hankering for a bit more sexual adventure. “My husband and I had some confusion that we had to get straightened out,” a client whom I’ll call Kelly told me. “I feel very comfortable in our relationship, and I have a vivid fantasy life. I think of myself as a very sexual person. But when I mentioned my fantasy of watching him get it on with another woman, he wanted to make it a reality. At least he thought he did. We perused some sites, which was fun, but in the end, neither of us decided to pursue it. It just looked too sleazy. Luckily, the subject was dropped.” But for couples with a genuine appetite (and stomach) for sexual novelty, swinging might not be a big deal and might even be a counterintuitive way of strengthening their sense of fidelity and identity as a couple. It’s monogamy on shared terms. In fact, many couples who swing together paradoxically have even stronger sexual boundaries than couples who do not. But swinging can backfire, too. I worked with one couple who liked to swing on a regular basis, but the reason they ended up in my office was because she had major problems with all of the stuff he kept to himself: flirty friendships, porn usage, his enjoyment of strippers. She had no problem with swinging, but in every other way she demanded more exclusivity from the relationship than many far less sexually adventurous women would require. From her perspective, swinging was just another way of sharing everything, including sex. And for many couples, swinging is by no means a replacement for sex; it’s an augmentation, and very different than actual lovemaking with their partner. Many couples use occasional swinging as an opportunity to jumpstart their sex life and break out of a rut. “Swinging strengthens us,” says Jenny, a mother of two. “It’s something we do once or twice a year. We enjoy the scoping out of another couple, the flirtation, the sex, but also the way we talk about it for weeks after and incorporate into our fantasy life. We love having a secret life together – a whole different community than the ones we see at PTA meetings – although we’re just waiting for those worlds to collide.” But swinging certainly doesn’t work for everyone, especially couples in which one partner is going along for the ride with another partner, like when a true comfort creature is paired with a thrill seeker. Then it becomes a form of sexual pressure, and can lead to disastrous results. And sometimes we think we know what we want, but the process of discovery has unintended results. Ken, who had to convince his wife to give swinging a go, said, “I was prepared for everything, except seeing my wife kiss another man - out of the whole experience that’s the image I can’t get out of my head: her kissing another man. The moral of the lesson for me: Swinging is something a couple should work towards in their relationship, not begin with.” Ken’s wife wanted to give it another whirl, this time with the rule of no kissing. Meanwhile, Ken wanted to drop the whole thing. Monogamy: what a concept. soundoff (1,610 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Next »Leave a Reply to appomannoni
Next entry »What the Yuck: Do nail dryers cause cancer?
« Previous entrySurgery separates twins joined at hip
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
https://recklinghausen.de/inhalte/startseite/ruhrfestspiele_kultur/musik_und_theater/musik__choere_und_vereine/index.asp?db=17&form=RedirectAction&redirecturl=www.ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-inspection-near-me/
Hi, There's no doubt that your blog could be having internet browser compatibility issues. When I look at your web site in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in I.E., it's got some overlapping issues. I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Apart from that, fantastic website!
https://www.secure.duoservers.com/?lang=en&s_id=123179&rdomain=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/passenger-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me/&action=order&popup=1
erectile video kayamy which erectile dysfunction foods work fast
erectile issues in your 40s slilicy erectile disorder articles
erectile dysfunction when quitting drinking sicAdofs erectile supplement gnc
This is a topic that is near to my heart... Cheers! Exactly where are your contact details though?
https://nagano.visit-town.com/functions/external_link?http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-reseda-california
I couldnít resist commenting. Well written!
http://7ba.info/out.php?url=www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-mechanic-near-me/
Iím impressed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog thatís both educative and interesting, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something that too few people are speaking intelligently about. Now i'm very happy that I found this during my hunt for something regarding this.
http://ab-search.com/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=107&url=https://www.quotenearme.com/
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up plus the rest of the website is also really good.
http://www.hampersunlimited.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bestlocalnearme.com
erectile tissue kayamy erectile functioning
erectile breast tissue slilicy best erectile vacuum pump
discount erectile dysfunction drugs sicAdofs compare erectile dysfunction medication
https://www.greenreport.it/ads/www/delivery/ck.php?ct=1&oaparams=2__bannerid=41__zoneid=3__cb=4229ad2336__oadest=https://reviewnearme.com
erectile creams for men kayamy yoga for erectile dysfunction
erectile aid pump slilicy erectile dysfunction medications
erectile medication over the counter sicAdofs erectile massage therapy
http://www.sstfund.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=wholesalenearme.com
Everything is very open with a very clear clarification of the challenges. It was truly informative. Your site is useful. Thank you for sharing!
https://v7196.funny.ge/redirect.php?url=http://bestservicenearme.com
You made some good points there. I did a search on the issue and found most people will consent with your site.
https://samuelmontgomerythings.tumblr.com/post/621239995152433152/wood-burning-for-newbies-uncomplicated-advice
Pretty! This was a really wonderful post. Thank you for providing these details.
http://ossokolje.edu.ba/gbook/go.php?url=https://nearmyspot.com
Hi, I believe your site could possibly be having web browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer, it's got some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Other than that, great site!
http://2st.i3soft.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bestservicenearme.com
http://igoezy.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=wholesalenearme.com
bookmarked!!, I love your website!
http://nancyja.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=reviewnearme.com
are erectile dysfunction not curable kayamy erectile growing foods
erectile aides for men slilicy erectile massage rochester ny
erectile solution ratings sicAdofs erectile doctor memphis tn
I like what you guys are usually up too. This sort of clever work and coverage!
Keep up the fantastic works guys I've included you guys to our blogroll.
http://www.genspring.de/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=nearmyspot.com/
Everything is very open with a clear explanation of the challenges. It was definitely informative. Your site is very helpful. Many thanks for sharing!
http://jeffreyz85r4.vblogetin.com/5977451/the-2-minute-rule-for-sprinter-rust-repair-panels
Good info. Lucky me I discovered your website by chance (stumbleupon). I have book-marked it for later!
http://www.faseb.org/pdfviewer?loadthis=https://ocrv.us/shuttle-bus-collision-repair-paint-shop-near-me-orange-county
This is the perfect site for anyone who hopes to find out about this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want toÖHaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a topic that's been discussed for ages. Great stuff, just excellent!
http://www.brettterpstra.com/share/fymdproxy.php?url=https://www.ocrv.pro/class-8-truck-collision-repair-paint-shop-near-me-orange-county
yoga for erectile dysfunction kayamy best erectile dysfunction supplement
reviews of erectile dysfunction treatment slilicy new york erectile dysfunction
erectile dysfunction treatment sicAdofs erectile bands
Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Thanks, However I am going through troubles with your RSS. I donít understand the reason why I cannot subscribe to it. Is there anyone else getting the same RSS problems? Anyone who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanx!!
https://shinobi.jp/etc/goto.html?http://www.ocrv.guru/rv-battery-repair-near-me/
http://it.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=https://www.ocrv.xyz/rv-repair-shop-encino-california
Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article! It is the little changes that will make the most significant changes. Thanks for sharing!
https://community.nxp.com/t5/custom/page/page-id/ExternalRedirect?url=http://ocrvart.com/rv-repair-shop-los-alamitos-california/
Very good post. I'm dealing with a few of these issues as well..
http://ww17.yourname.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.ocrv.fun/bus-collision-repair-shop-near-me
You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality blogs on the web. I most certainly will recommend this website!
http://www.westernalliancebancorporation.com/WALSpeedBump_All_Others?target=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-paint-shop-near-me
Hi, I do think your website could be having web browser compatibility problems. Whenever I take a look at your site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in IE, it has some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up! Apart from that, great blog!
https://doterra.myvoffice.com/Application/index.cfm?&EnrollerID=604008&Theme=Default&ReturnUrl=https://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-leak-repair-near-me
http://www.devot-ee.com/?URL=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-toilet-repair-near-me/
Wonderful article! We are linking to this great content on our site. Keep up the good writing.
https://cliopatria.swi-prolog.org/browse/list_resource?r=www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-manhattan-beach-california
http://www.californiawaterproducts.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bestshopnearme.com
http://m.taijiyu.net/chongzhi.aspx?return=http://wholesalenearme.com
https://directory.hawaiitribune-herald.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://adfoc.us/62936178788406/
discount erectile dysfunction pills kayamy erectile function questionnaire
erectile doctor memphis tn slilicy erectile coffee
erectile potion sicAdofs erectile help
This is a topic that is close to my heart... Thank you! Exactly where are your contact details though?
http://yellowpages.staradvertiser.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvexperts.com/geico-rv-collision-repair-shop-near-me
http://www.bitly.com/a/warning?hash=3nUs1YL&url=https://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-compton-california
https://edesk.jp/atp/Redirect.do?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-saugus-california/
Greetings! Very useful advice within this post! It's the little changes which will make the most important changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!
http://register.scotland.gov.uk/subscribe/widgetsignup?url=https://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-universal-city-california
erectile boosting medication kayamy is erectile dysfunction life threatening
is erectile dysfunction secondary to ptsd slilicy coupons for erectile dysfunction
is erectile dysfunction a symptom of diabetes sicAdofs is erectile dysfunction a chronic disease
http://wbmonitor.bibb.de/dereferer.php?link=https://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-repair-near-me
It's really a nice and useful piece of info. I am glad that you simply shared this useful
information with us. Please keep us up to date like this.
Thank you for sharing.
Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Taking the time and actual effort to create a superb articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I hesitate a lot and never manage to get nearly anything done.
https://www.anonym.to/?ocrv.club/rv-repair-shop-chula-vista-california/
Have you ever considered creating an ebook or guest authoring on other
blogs? I have a blog based upon on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you
share some stories/information. I know my viewers would enjoy your
work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me
an email.
http://www.webclap.com/php/jump.php?url=www.ocrv.club/rv-inspection-near-me/
erectile dysfunction natural remedies kayamy discount erectile medication
erectile pills that work slilicy erectile therapy jordan
erectile with long time sicAdofs erectile cream for me
I'm new to blogspot and I'm having a difficult time. How can I change the background to a picture I want?.
https://www.instagram.com/katekdesigns
You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality websites on the web. I am going to highly recommend this blog!
http://miss-sc.org/Redirect.aspx?destination=www.http://affordableranking.com/
https://dmc.tv/new/out.php?go=http://www.affordableranking.com