 |
|
|
|
September 15th, 2011
09:49 AM ET
Would you ever swing?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him on his website, GoodInBed.
No, I’m not talking about ballroom dancing. This is a sex column, after all. With buzz-terms like “monogamish” and “negotiated monogamy” making headlines, many couples are discovering that they have a shared appetite for sexual adventure, and that getting it on with another couple may be the golden ticket – not just to thrills, but also to staying together and surviving another day in the life of a relationship. While the term “swinging” may be a throwback to the 70s and the days of Plato’s Retreat, more and more modern couples are hooking up with other couples, either informally or through networks or clubs. And, of course, like all things online, the Internet has amplified these opportunities and made it easier to find couples and clubs in a neighborhood near you. As with most sexual activities, there haven’t been many studies into the prevalence of swinging - and many people who do it don’t necessarily want to admit it - but some experts believe that there could be as many 15 million Americans swinging on a regular basis. Chances are you have a friend or neighbor who is swinging. As I’ve written about previously in this column, I often run into two “sexual types” in my work as a sexuality counselor: “comfort creatures” and “thrill seekers.” The former takes a “less is more” approach to sexual novelty, while the latter often have a “more, more, more” attitude. Usually this dichotomy isn’t an issue when two people find themselves at the same end the spectrum. For two comfort creatures, for example, swinging isn’t probably high up on their sexual bucket list, although it might well be a fantasy. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, watching a partner have sex with someone else - these are very common fantasies, and, in many cases, sharing a fantasy can lead to an actual exploration of fantasy, especially when one partner is hankering for a bit more sexual adventure. “My husband and I had some confusion that we had to get straightened out,” a client whom I’ll call Kelly told me. “I feel very comfortable in our relationship, and I have a vivid fantasy life. I think of myself as a very sexual person. But when I mentioned my fantasy of watching him get it on with another woman, he wanted to make it a reality. At least he thought he did. We perused some sites, which was fun, but in the end, neither of us decided to pursue it. It just looked too sleazy. Luckily, the subject was dropped.” But for couples with a genuine appetite (and stomach) for sexual novelty, swinging might not be a big deal and might even be a counterintuitive way of strengthening their sense of fidelity and identity as a couple. It’s monogamy on shared terms. In fact, many couples who swing together paradoxically have even stronger sexual boundaries than couples who do not. But swinging can backfire, too. I worked with one couple who liked to swing on a regular basis, but the reason they ended up in my office was because she had major problems with all of the stuff he kept to himself: flirty friendships, porn usage, his enjoyment of strippers. She had no problem with swinging, but in every other way she demanded more exclusivity from the relationship than many far less sexually adventurous women would require. From her perspective, swinging was just another way of sharing everything, including sex. And for many couples, swinging is by no means a replacement for sex; it’s an augmentation, and very different than actual lovemaking with their partner. Many couples use occasional swinging as an opportunity to jumpstart their sex life and break out of a rut. “Swinging strengthens us,” says Jenny, a mother of two. “It’s something we do once or twice a year. We enjoy the scoping out of another couple, the flirtation, the sex, but also the way we talk about it for weeks after and incorporate into our fantasy life. We love having a secret life together – a whole different community than the ones we see at PTA meetings – although we’re just waiting for those worlds to collide.” But swinging certainly doesn’t work for everyone, especially couples in which one partner is going along for the ride with another partner, like when a true comfort creature is paired with a thrill seeker. Then it becomes a form of sexual pressure, and can lead to disastrous results. And sometimes we think we know what we want, but the process of discovery has unintended results. Ken, who had to convince his wife to give swinging a go, said, “I was prepared for everything, except seeing my wife kiss another man - out of the whole experience that’s the image I can’t get out of my head: her kissing another man. The moral of the lesson for me: Swinging is something a couple should work towards in their relationship, not begin with.” Ken’s wife wanted to give it another whirl, this time with the rule of no kissing. Meanwhile, Ken wanted to drop the whole thing. Monogamy: what a concept. soundoff (1,610 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Next »Leave a Reply to Tembepteriope
Next entry »What the Yuck: Do nail dryers cause cancer?
« Previous entrySurgery separates twins joined at hip
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
youth erectile dysfunction kayamy erectile sonic
erectile injection video slilicy is erectile dysfunction secondary to ptsd
erectile discharge sicAdofs erectile deficiency
http://www.ia.omron.com/view/log/redirect/index.cgi?url=http://www.ocrv.today/rv-repair-shop-redondo-beach-california
tadalafil 20 mg cheap generic cialis for sale vidalista tadalafil
http://www.raveeco.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=reviewnearme.com
erectile on demand kayamy erectile therapy
erectile pills sample slilicy erectile therapist
erectile medication where to purchase sicAdofs erectile food
After looking at a number of the blog articles on your site, I really appreciate your technique of blogging. I added it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my web site as well and let me know your opinion.
http://test.hoshikaze.net/hk-forum/ucp.php?mode=logout&redirect=http://customcampervans.com
erectile means kayamy best erectile dysfunction meds
what erectile dysfunction herbs effect her es slilicy erectile tissue location
cheapest erectile med sicAdofs erectile dysfunction and treatments
I just like the valuable info you supply to
your articles. I will bookmark your blog and take a look at
once more here frequently. I'm somewhat sure I'll be told many new stuff right right here!
Good luck for the next!
erectile diffusion kayamy erectile rehabilitation
erectile issues after heart attack slilicy erectile chambers
living with erectile dysfunction sicAdofs erectile reflex
My spouse and I stumbled over here different web page
and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so
now i'm following you. Look forward to looking at your web
page yet again.
There is definately a lot to learn about this subject. I really like all the points you've made.
http://emerginginsights.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvart.com/
long term effects of plaquenil aralen uk hydroxyclorine
erectile shots kayamy erectile reflex
erectile enhancement slilicy erectile support
erectile reflex sicAdofs erectile aids for men
https://app.kartra.com/redirect_to/?asset=url&id=http://ocrv.club/rv-repair-shop-cahuenga-pass-california
https://www.sunzu.com/link/?url=www.sprintervanrepair.com
erectile pills for sale kayamy erectile coffee
top erectile dysfunction doctors in tx slilicy living with erectile dysfunction
erectile issues sicAdofs yoga for erectile dysfunction
does medicare cover viagra or cialis cialis vs flomax e-cialis hellocig e-liquid
https://www.payrollservers.us/sc/cookie.asp?sitealias=25925711&redirect=http://ocrv.me/rv-repair-shop-alhambra-california
is erectile dysfunction a symptom of diabetes kayamy erectile aides for men
erectile tissue in nose slilicy best erectile medication
erectile lump sicAdofs erectile dysfunction guide
https://track.aftermarket.pl/track.php?ref=&url=http://ocrv.world/rv-furniture-repair-near-me
http://salesnews.qantas.com/public/m/closed?msLRR=http://kuriyeedu.com/?p=129189
cialis 20 mg directions cialis online 365 pills bph cialis dosage
erectile curvature kayamy erectile dysfunction guide
erectile pills gas station slilicy compare erectile dysfunction medicines
erectile supplements that work sicAdofs erectile supplements that work
erectile anxiety kayamy soma erectile dysfunction
cialis without erectile dysfunction slilicy erectile spray
does erectile dysfunction affect desire sicAdofs erectile improvement
Hi there, You have done an incredible job. I will definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends. I am sure they'll be benefited from this site.
https://delbertmartin.wixsite.com/home/post/the-importance-of-art-in-the-daily-life
Very good post! We are linking to this great post on our website. Keep up the great writing.
http://mambasana.ru/redir/?ocrvluxurycoaches.com/rv-repair-shop-cudahy-california
Good article! We will be linking to this great content on our website. Keep up the great writing.
http://www.joomla-code.ru/go.php?gogo=http://ocrvmotorcoaches.com/rv-driver-seat-repair-near-me
cialis weight gain shelf life cialis dosage for cialis
https://treasury.gov/cgi-bin/redirect.cgi/?https://hootnholler.net/16-of-the-best-selling-camping-bed-to-choose-for-your-next-adventure-country-thang-daily/
Itís nearly impossible to find knowledgeable people about this subject, but you sound like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks
http://www.astro.wisc.edu/?URL=game-mun.com/forum/index.php?action=mlist;sort=MSN;desc;start=38160
erectile food kayamy erectile tissue quizlet
erectile pill as shown on shark tank slilicy what does erectile dysfunction mean
erectile pain after peyronie s surgery sicAdofs erectile function after prostate surgery
pharmacy tech practice test online pharmacy technician programs online my canadian pharmacy com
Very interesting,good job and thanks for sharing such a good blog.your article is so convincing that I never stop myself to say something about it.You're doing a great job.Keep it up. Flooring Installers of Pittsburgh, 1933 Crafton Blvd #5, Pittsburgh, PA 15205, (412) 415-7629
http://azpp.kz/novosti/page,1,75,21-uvazhaemye-predprinimateli.html#comment
Enjoyed reading the article above , really explains everything in detail,the article is very interesting and effective.Thank you and good luck for the upcoming articles. Flooring Installers of Pittsburgh, 1933 Crafton Blvd #5, Pittsburgh, PA 15205, (412) 415-7629
http://ufotech.com.vn/members/highcaliberinc44.793982/
http://www.aaronsw.com/2002/display.cgi?t=<a+href=http://juicycalls.com/
erectile discussion kayamy does erectile dysfunction cause depression
can erectile dysfunction come on suddenly slilicy erectile pills canada
best erectile dysfunction medication sicAdofs erectile difficulty
best way to take cialis max cialis dose cialis 60 mg
Great article. I will be going through some of these issues as well..
https://stephens52m2.blogars.com/4074256/repair-shop-things-to-know-before-you-buy
Can I simply just say what a comfort to discover somebody who truly knows what they're discussing on the internet. You actually know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people ought to check this out and understand this side of your story. I was surprised you're not more popular given that you most certainly have the gift.
http://help.dedecms.com/plus/player/index.php?url=https://emiliog69k7.dreamyblogs.com/4749353/a-simple-key-for-lawyers-near-me-unveiled
Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post! It is the little changes that produce the largest changes. Thanks for sharing!
http://www.bshare.cn/share?url=https://elliotq15h7.livebloggs.com/5754852/top-latest-five-security-companies-urban-news
men with erectile dysfunction kayamy erectile dysfunction doctors
top male erectile pill slilicy solving erectile dysfunction without meds
erectile vacuum pump for sale sicAdofs do erectile pills permanently increase size
This is a topic that is near to my heart... Best wishes! Where are your contact details though?
http://www.samplecloset.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=getmoneyonlyfans.com/
http://raymonde58i6.getblogs.net/31199123/indicators-on-rv-repair-orange-county-you-should-know
This is a topic that's close to my heart... Take care! Where are your contact details though?
https://www.bing.com/news/apiclick.aspx?ref=FexRss&aid=&url=https://chancel28z7.bcbloggers.com/4044621/how-much-you-need-to-expect-you-ll-pay-for-a-good-sprinter-van-repair-shop
This website definitely has all of the information and facts I needed about this subject and didnít know who to ask.
https://ditu.google.cn/url?q=http://kamerono04c4.activosblog.com/4146276/the-5-second-trick-for-lawyers-near-me
why erectile dysfunction kayamy erectile brokenness
male erectile complex slilicy erectile hopeless
is erectile dysfunction common sicAdofs erectile function questionnaire
I need to to thank you for this good read!! I absolutely enjoyed every bit of it. I have you book-marked to look at new things you postÖ
http://ww17.freeshoutbox.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=kyler5p2x4.blogdanica.com/3498449/how-rv-repair-near-me-can-save-you-time-stress-and-money
best i have ever seen!Hello, always i used to check webpage posts here early in the daylight, for the reason that i love to gain knowledge of more and more.
http://geekgirlsnightout.com/membership/activity/p/3347398160276518162/
I really like this post
https://www.foxhollowfamilyfarm.com/forum/easter-tickets/yeaiba-com/p-6
I was able to find good information from your articles.
https://codyt14x2.prublogger.com/4040919/not-known-facts-about-mechanic-spare-parts