 |
|
|
|
August 18th, 2011
01:21 PM ET
Is charity sex better than no sex?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
You may be bristling at the phrase “charity sex.” If you’re a woman, perhaps it brings to mind past, award-worthy, faked orgasms. Or maybe it reminds you of that time you bit your tongue and had sex because you were sick of hearing him ask for it. If you’re a guy, you might be thinking, “better than nothing.” But don’t equate charity sex with pity sex. Rather, see charity sex as a means of reestablishing a connection with your partner, and of making an important investment in your relationship. Think of it as a donation, rather than an assessment. As blogger Heidi Raykeil has written, “The other night I was enjoying some “me” time, curled up on the couch watching the latest episode of "Grey’s Anatomy." Meanwhile, my husband was tossing and turning in bed, stressed out over his latest work project. Frankly, between McDreamy and McSteamy, I was already pretty satisfied. But if I know one thing about my husband, it’s that sex helps him sleep. So I put down the remote and headed upstairs to take one for the team. That’s right: I had charity sex. And you know what? It was actually pretty hot.” Pity sex is about checking sex off your to-do list. Charity sex is about checking in with each other. It’s not about meeting someone else’s physical needs—it’s about meeting your relationship’s emotional ones. It’s about opening up, quite literally, to each other. Why might you engage in charity sex? You might do it because your partner is all wound up from work, and sex relaxes him or her. You might do it because she’s feeling a little down, and sex gives her a boost. Or maybe you do it because —- like some 41 million Americans - you’ve both gone too many days, weeks, or even months without sex. It’s easy for sex to fall to the bottom of your to-do list when you have so many other things on your mind. The bills? The housework? The kids? The latest episode of "Breaking Bad"? Who has time for sex!? Unfortunately, the less often you have sex, the harder it is to get back into the groove. Testosterone levels drop and, as a result, libido levels drop, too. Before you know it, you’re experiencing the longest dry spell of your life. Charity? You feel you don’t have enough to give! Fortunately, if you dig deep, you can still do your relationship some good. How? Fake it ’til you make it. No. I’m not advocating fake orgasms. But there’s definitely something to be said for putting in a little effort. With charity sex, you may not initially feel as if you’re in the mood, but if you start going through the motions, your desire will likely catch up. As Emily Nagoski has written in the "Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms," “Putting your body through the moves of faking one could actually lead to having one.” So start slowly, with intimate touching. Allow yourself to enjoy some pleasurable sensations. Try not to think about anything —- your to-do list; that meeting tomorrow morning -— but how it feels when the two of you touch. Before you know it, that offering of charity sex will start to feel like a gift to both of you. Take away the pressure. When you’re not in the mood for sex, an orgasm may seem out of the question. And you may ask yourself: Why even have sex if I’m not getting the big payoff? But there’s a lot to be said about the stuff that happens before the orgasm. So don’t fixate too much on the end result. Rather, enjoy those moan-inducing caresses and toe-curling nibbles as they’re happening. Remain in the moment. You never know. Your body may surprise you. Remember how good it was. Remember all the reasons you’re together. Remember what things were like when they were still new and undeniably hot. And then think of how much things have changed. How can you give back to that relationship? What are you willing to do to revitalize it? Is charity sex better than no sex? And can it be a good thing for your relationship? You tell me.
Next entry »The vaccines your college freshman needs
« Previous entryTri Challenge: Life as a triathlete
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
Is pushing yourself when you’re not in the mood an investment in your relationship?
how can i get a payday loan with no bank account mcallen tx payday loans cash advance red bluff
This is something New !
https://www.google.rw/url?q=https://shiatsu-web.com
genuine cialis no prescription http://llecialisjaw.com/ cialis low dose
cialis 50 gr posso tomar meio cialis cialis or generic
cheap viagra with prescription http://vigedon.com/ cheapest sildenafil tablets in india
Spolka to pomyslowy wynalazek, zwykle sklada sie jak kubistyczny obrazek, dla zapewnienia sobie indywidualnych zyskow i unikniecia odpowiedzialnosci, przez co urzad skarbowy ogarnia furia zlosci... 🙂 jAK NIE PLACIC Podatkow ? look this >> Raje Podatkowe Warto!
http://www.norwegia.xmc.pl
prix du medicament cialis cialis treat enlarged prostate medicamentos genericos cialis
Create a profitable digital marketing strategy and plan: https://www.seoclerk.com/Virtual-Assistant/840836/I-will-create-a-profitable-digital-marketing-strategy-and-plan
https://www.seoclerk.com/Link-Building/836800/High-DA-PA-50-Do-follow-Forum-Backlinks
Best view i have ever seen !
https://images.google.to/url?q=https://www.shinsen-mart.com
over the counter sales of viagra http://kloviagrli.com/ viagra with dapoxetine 365 pills
preferred cash payday cash advances for centrelink customers instant cash loans bad credit no guarantor
https://astrologicalstudio.com
Best view i have ever seen !
https://images.google.com/url?q=https://www.yamatocosmos.com
Cool
https://images.google.com.ua/url?q=https://www.thesufitrader.com
Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, and retweets? SMM Supreme uses his own panel system to generate social media traffic to any website. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes: $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers: $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Payeer Deposit – Automatic order processing – Our Website: https://smmsupreme.com/
https://bit.ly/2Hnl7vE
Awsome info and right to the point. I dont know if this is in fact the best place to ask but do you guys have any thoughts on where to get some professional writers? Thanks
http://www.filozofia.xmc.pl
tadalafil 30mg liquid tadalafil pills 20mg centurion laboratories tadalafil
I could disagree more- except I could!! Haha
http://zoroastrianonline.com/qtoa/63796/10-finest-disposable-masks-for-coronavirus
zithromax 500 mg tablet where can you buy zithromax zithromax 100 mg
My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post's to be exactly what I'm looking
for. Does one offer guest writers to write content in your case?
I wouldn't mind writing a post or elaborating on many of the subjects you write related to here.
Again, awesome blog!
Feel free to visit my blog :: testosterone levels
Great blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers?
I'm hoping to start my own site soon but I'm a little lost on everything.
Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress
or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I'm totally overwhelmed ..
Any recommendations? Appreciate it!
Feel free to surf to my web-site – libido cures
Great beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea
http://www.usa.xmc.pl
Best view i have ever seen !
https://anonym.to/?https://topphimhot.net
viagra prices female viagra effects what exactly does viagra do?
chicago viagra triangle http://viagraonlinejc.com/ free viagra sample pack by mail
Best view i have ever seen !
https://posts.google.com/url?q=https://www.songmanhits.com
My good friend and I have been just discussing this subject, she actually is normally endeavouring to prove me incorrect! I will present her this particular blog post and rub it in a little!
http://www.cukrzyca.xmc.pl
r3emi v0vw7 ieku
cialis generic for sale http://buycialisxz.com/ cialis cheep
x38uy imcsr 9qhb
Best view i have ever seen !
https://maps.google.dk/url?q=https://thuocladientu123.com
https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/