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July 18th, 2011
12:01 AM ET
Bed sharing with toddler – no harm, no benefit for kids over 1Is it harmful to your child's development to have your toddler sleep with you? Experts can't seem to agree on whether it’s a good thing or bad but a new study finds that it may not be harmful to children as long as the child is at least a year old. It’s called bed-sharing, where parents and a child sleep in the same bed. It's not as common in the United States as in other countries, but it's more prevalent among certain ethnic groups. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, it's not advised for parents to ever sleep with infants before the age of 6 months. That's the time when babies are most at risk for sudden infant death syndrome. But the study authors and the AAP agree that once a child is 12 months old , co-sleeping or bed-sharing with parents is really up to the preference of the family. However, the goal for any sleep arrangement is to get safe, adequate sleep. If bed-sharing is getting in the way of a good night's sleep or is dangerous in any way for your child, then it's not a good idea. "When you compare mothers of the same ethnicity and the same levels of education, whether they bed-share or not, does not predict a difference in cognitive or behavioral outcomes in their children," explains study author Lauren Hale, Ph.D., associate professor of preventive medicine at Stony Brook University in Stony Brook, New York. Hale and other researchers measured math, early literacy and social skills in the children. They even looked at levels of hyperactivity and found no cognitive or social differences between children who bed-shared and those who did not. "There are a number of reasons why parents decide to share a bed with their children such as safety, security, to facilitate breast-feeding, in response to sleeping problems, to provide emotional support, living conditions, etc. Understanding those reasons can provide clues to the outcomes of bed-sharing on children's later behavior and cognition,” Dr. Lynne Haverkos with the National Institutes of Health, the organization that funded the study. Experts agree that what's most important, is that everybody gets a good night's sleep. For some families bed-sharing disrupts both the parents' and the child's sleep. For others it works well. "If a family is going to bed-share, both parents must agree to it," explains Brett Kuhn, associate professor of pediatrics and psychology at the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. "Make sure it's planned and intentional and that you do it from the beginning of the night to the end of the night. You're not going to play musical beds when the child fusses." Bringing a child into your bed to stop repeated episodes of crying may not only interrupt parental sleep but interfere in the child's ability to soothe himself to sleep. Haverkos says more studies are needed to look more closely at the risks and benefits of bed-sharing, but that the best bet is to discuss the issue with your pediatrician or health care provider. What qualifies as a safe and satisfying sleep arrangement for one family may not be the same for another.
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This is the most stupid article I have ever heard. People have been sharing their beds with Children since ~oh since the begining of time. Now another worthless article says, no harm. Will excuse my language but NO f--s-–. And then at the end it states more studies need to be done, and as long as every one gets enough sleep, are we really this brain dead to need this kind of research, and is this article implying that the white population don't sleep with their kids, and that only the 'minorities' do?
What's the point of this article, as my above rants states,none. Hoping not to offend, rather, my thought is most people know what to do with their kids if they are not crazy that is. Do we really need CNN telling us this?
I don't ever expect to scroll down this far on a cnn news article and find anything intelligent on the comment board, but give this bobby credit. You're entire comment wreaked of common sense. Funny thing is, I didn't even realize how bad the article was until I read bobby's comment, then I was embarrassed for not recognizing right off the bat how ridiculous it was myself. Now in my own defense, I did smoke a little joint a while back and am not at my sharpest moment.
The point, Bobby, is CNN's passive agressive way of letting us know that they are low on breaking stories today. As far as information about babies goes, I would never trust CNN for that. They merely report what they hear, and I doubt they do any actual research of their own. Too many reporting mistakes on small details and they should never be giving advice about babies.
If you want a resource for getting info on what do do with your baby, toddler, or child that is reliable and well-researched, go to baby center.
Bobby; I totally agree. My time would have been better spent reading about differences in shrimp size vs shrimp speed attained on a shrimp treadmill....!
More studies need to be done because it's easy government money. Every study the government pays for is "inconclusive, requiring further study," and of course, more money.
You're absolutely right. I love it when a blogger makes perfect sense 🙂
No Bobby, what this is is simply the beginning of the all knowing, all powerful nanny state setting the stage to state that children should not be in the bed with parents, then comes not the house so that they can get them in to programming centers at an early enough age, Remember, CNN , the lib media, and the Dems believe in Ingsoc, the only problem are all these people that believe they should still have rights and autonomy.
Why do you want to blame CNN for everything. Somebody else did research and CNN published it. And if everybody thought like you there would have been no evolution!!! There is a means for transport already.. why is wright brothers thinking of transport again.. There is lamp already is edison mad to write article on bulb...
Wow, this is a ridiculous article. not to mention they do not have their facts in order. To wait until your child is one year old before co-sleeping defeats one of its main benefits and that is that newborns need to feed throughout the night and co-sleeping helps accomplish this without everyone in the house having to wake up for a crying, hungry baby, that feels lonely. Sure you have to be careful not to roll on a baby, but my wife and I co-slept as soon as our baby was out of the hospital and now that he is a year he has transitioned to his own bed and it couldn't have gone smoother. If you do some independent research you will find many people co-sleep and it has numerous benefits, especially from the increased breastfeeding. The only thing that is even very accurate is that it isn't as common in America, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Oh and for the record I am a white male, that probably just blew this study wide open.
Sorry Bob, but many parents don’t have a clue. That’s why we have a virtual epidemic of overweight, overcaffeinated children.
So glad you and your wife have “everything” about child rearing figured out. Perhaps you could write a book and keep your oddly angry, know-it-all rants off the boards.
AMEN BOBBY! And you know what else....white people are sleeping with thieir babies too! I hate that the medical community and the media make it out to be this horrible thing! I totally understand the risk of SIDS, but co-sleeping is a NORMAL thing.
If we can still have studies on the health implications of smoking why not this...not like there is anything better for our tax dollars to be going towards.
Ditto ! "The Studies are just made up bull to get more money for unneeded "research".
Kristine, So wonderful to have the supreme arbiter of normality on these boards (and white to boot). Just where in the article did it say this was a “horrible” thing?
Bobby My sentiments exactly. Who knows better than the parent of the child. It didn't hurt my 2 daughters. How do these people know who is sleeping with who,unless they have cameras planted in the home. They should be spending their or rather our money on something that is more important, like our government.
shamgar50, you are all over this board spewing your self-righteous garbage. i'd be willing to bet big money that you are overweight, alone, and use comment boards as your main mechanism for socializing. loser.
I thought the article was ridiculous for suggesting it's not safe to sleep with your baby until they are 1. Idiotic. I mean, human beings have been h ere for millions and millions of years and have always slept with their babies until, what , a hundred years ago? THERE IS NO CREATURE ON THE PLANET who does not sleep with their babies. Humans have always slept with their babies. Unless they are really overweight or really drunk, of course it's safe.
Well, you know why someone did this useless study to start with, and why additional studies are needed? Money, my friend. If you don't come up with useless studies and promise more, how could you justfiy getting grant for these studies? Especially when you have no technical skills whatsoever. You come up with this cr-p just so you have some money to put foods on the table. These are not scientists, these are pseudo-intellectual-and-pretend-to-be-doing-something-useful-for-society people,
I totally understand your point, Bobby. Well-taken!
However, a lot of people are interested in this from a scientific perspective. When it comes to articles like this, which are related to psychology/sociology, here is the way things usually go:
A study confirms something you've seen people do: "duh, that's common sense!"
A study contradicts something you've seen people do: "no way, I know someone who did this and they turned out just fine!"
Either way, the scientfic community is interested because it has implications on what sorts of reccomendations doctors, psychologists, and other professionals make to their patients who ask these questions every day. There was a spike in the cases of sudden infant death syndrome in the U.S., for example, when doctors used to reccomend sharing a bed with a newborn. However, after studies showed otherwise, they realized the reccomendation was very wrong and they reversed the reccomendation. So in some ways it does matter.
bobby, they do research like this because Pediatricians tell you NOT to do common sense stuff like this. Our Pedi told us absolutly not to sleep with our baby, whether in the bed cosleeping or on the couch taking a catnap. Our Pedi also tried to tell us it was better to have the baby sleeping in the other room so the baby could learn to be independent. I don't know why someone would think that a 2 month old who can't even roll over needs to learn that mommy and daddy aren't always nearby, but that is what both my parents and the Pedi said. My mom actually scolded me for picking my newborn up too quickly when he cried because he was then going to always expect me to pick him up quickly. Apparently societies where they bundle their babies up and carry them all day are spoiling their infants.
Bobby, I couldn't agree with you more. Americans are separated in so many ways. And it starts from birth.
Sleep, cuddle, love, hold, breath next to your baby. Yes, infants need to be kept safe in bed. Try a co-sleeper, but don't stick them in another room. Sheesh, are we really that stupid that we even need to research this????
It's been common sense for eons that heavier things fall faster than lighter things, until a stupid scientist with too much time on his hand proved it otherwise. I suppose science is overrated to a lot of people who do not question things. You may want to call out Galileo as having a lack of common sense.
More studies need to be done, because the studies so far have indicated that there is not much of a difference between co-sleeping and crib sleeping, and we have become obsessed with finding the perfect way to parent. Parents are so insecure these days, not only do they need to be told that their way is correct, they also need to hear that all the other ways are wrong. So unfortunately, "either way is fine" doesn't cut it these days. We need to be able to brag about how perfect we are at parenting. It isn't even about the kids anymore, it's about the competiveness amongst parents.
My baby is 3 months old. I don't fall asleep with him at night (my husband rolls around too much), but during the day if we're napping he'll share the bed with me. He also slept in a bassinet next to the bed until recently because he's a tall baby so he's already outgrown it.
the kid is wearing his shirt inside out...should prob re-do the study...lol
He also looks scared of his Mama lol
Great observation!!!! I missed that.. bet you are great at finding Waldo. 🙂
The baby's shirt is not wrong side out. It is the style of the shirt so the seams don't irritate the baby's skin.
It is a very personal decision whether or not to share a bed with one's children. A lot depends on the reasons for doing so. I allowed my children to "bunk in with mommy" when they wanted to do so. I found they slept more soundly, did not wake up with bad dreams and I slept more soundly because I wasn't sleeping with one ear attuned to alertness should they call out in the night. For us it worked. They eventually stayed in their own beds in their own rooms unless they were upset or the weather was stormy and then they would drag sleeping bags into my room. The kids socialized well (and still do) and ran off to kindergarten just fine. (I was the one who sat on the steps of the school and cried because the chickies were leaving the nest. ) So for each family the response might be different and the reasons very different but ultimately it is about a good night's sleep, safety and the children feeling secure and well bonded to their parents.
That pretty much describes our family too. The kid(s) were allowed to share our bed. As they got older, it got less frequent, as one would expect. IMHO, it actually make our kids more secure in their later years, since they actually tested their "safety net".
And yes, when 16 our daughter crawled into bed and slept with us the night her "first love" dumped her.
Josh, your daughter won't be equipped to be an adult and you won't be able to keep her off the pole.
Wow...sp ooning with D addy at 16 after a b oy dumps her? Not sure who to call on this one...Jerry Springer, Maury Povich or Chris Hansen.
it may not be harmful to the kid, but I'm sure it doesn't do the parents' marriage any good
Of the three couples I know that let their kids sleep with them until around 6... they are divorced.. probably just a coincidence.
Are you implying that because a child sleeps in the same bed as the parents that the parents are not intimate with each other anymore? This isn't the 50s any longer. Parents don't have to make love only at night and in their bed. There are other places in the home to make love. And the divorce comment that insinuates some kind of link between their friends' sleeping habit and their divorce is absolutely ridiculous to begin with so I won't even comment further on that.
Exactly! Bringing a child into the bed can be, repeat, can be, a power play on the part of the mother. It rules out intimacy. So the father is put in a subordinate position. The man has to bargain for something that should be freely given. (Given, not taken.) Would be interesting to see the correlation between bed-sharing and marital discord. Bet the correlation is a high positive, say, .8.
Brad – Reread the part of my note where I emphasized the "can be". Yes, it is not the Fifties. Today, there are many couples for which both parents work, eliminating a lot of those daytime opportunities for intimacy. Reread scmom's note. Strong indication that bed-sharing might be a symptom of a failed marriage. But my point is that it is worth looking into.
Totally agree. BradGa – you are ridiculous to let the child dictate the relationship and secondly just doing it in whatever corner you can find makes it nice for a quickie but not anything worth the effort of being in the same bed together and then falling asleep together.
Anyone who sees that as an 'intimacy" problem, is pretty easily defeated. My kid slept in a sleeper attached to our bed for the first year or so. We had set up a room for her, but she didn't sleep there. Which isn't to say the room didn't get used. When the baby is asleep in the parents room, the parents can be found not sleeping on the floor in the babys room.
Based on your analysis, most Asian couples are divorced or will be.
It doesn't seem to impede the marital relations of people in countries with much higher birth rates and much lower divorce rates than our.
"Parents don't have to make love only at night and in their bed. "
You mind mentioning that to my wife? She seems to think the opposite...
There is no better way to create a child that is completely dependent and lacks any form of self-sufficiency than to allow them to sleep in your bed with you. Coddling your children creates the terrible monsters that terrorize people at restaurants and movie theaters.
The exact opposite was true for us. It made our kids more independent since they not only knew they had a "safety net" of family, but also tested and tried it. If your kids were monsters out at restaurants, none of our kids ever were, so it clearly must be you and your parenting style.
And you came to this conclusion because it has happened to you? Or are you the omnipotent one who knows the inner workings of every couple who chooses to do share a bed with their children? You'll probably say you are the omnipotent one, I'm sure.
There's a caveat to this argument...it's only "spoiling" when there isn't a true family bed and children learn that it's something special to sleep in mom and dad's bed. This opens the door to kids using manipulation, etc. to get into their parents' bed with the same consequences to their behavior as letting them manipulate any other situation. My two girls, soon to be three girls, have slept with us since day one and simply see our family bed as "bed", nothing special that they may or may not be allowed to sleep in. We don't use our bed as a reward for anything, so the girls don't perceive it that way...it's just where we sleep. I do think we are all better for it...my girls are close, sensitive, smart, confident and caring friends. As a family, my husband and I are also very close to our girls and really treasure this time, knowing that in the grand scheme of things, it will only be for a short while.
Someone here didn't get hugged enough as a kid, and it turned him into a grumpy gownup. Grow a thicker skin, kid, and get over it.
LOL. For those questioning, now we see why the study was done - to query assumptions like this one. Did we not just read that there were *no social differences* between kids who co-slept and those who slept alone?
That is one of the silliest things that I have heard of. My children slept with my husband and I until they just sort of migrated to their own bedrooms on their own time. (We have 9 children and YES they are from the same mother AND the same father!)
My children are very well rounded children. They have never been afraid of the dark or anything of that sort. Because of the way we have raised our children (still raising some of them), they are very productive tax-paying citizens. It does not hurt for children to sleep with their parents!
My ex slept with her kid from the time he was 2 until...well, I'm sure she is till doing it...I don't know I divorced her a few years back...he's around 14 now...I'm sure the study says that's just fine, too 🙂
Are you sure she even cut the umbilical cord? I bed that kid is really messed up. Good for you for getting out of it.
bet, that is...
It's called grooming. Call the DCFS
Why do you blame your personal failings on something that human parents have been doing for millions of years.
LOL @ "millions of years"
Sorry, I meant since the beginning of the world 6000 years ago. *snicker*
At story time I read a book, put the fireplace on, give em hot milk, and we have a little cookie. It's very charming. Who's the criminal? Who's Jack the Ripper in the room? I've slept in the bed with many children. I'm in the middle, Kieran Caulkin on one side, and Macauly Caulkin on the other. It's a beautiful thing!
My hubby and I just joyously celebrated our 38th anniversary this week.
Our three kids slept with us until they were about 3. It made nursing easier and we wanted to instill the idea that bedtime is a pleasant, comforting time, not to be feared. It definitely cut down on bedtime problems as they got older (compared to what we were hearing from friends!)
As for coddling them, we were very strict disciplinarians with our kids. They weren't "disobeying" us or defiantly refusing to sleep where they were told. They made the transition to a "big-kid bed" quite smoothly when they were 3.
They are all in their 30s now, and they all sleep in their own beds and are very functional adults (one is married with a child of her own). And my marriage did NOT suffer for it.
BTW, in terms of the "racial" aspect that others have mentioned, we're white suburbanites.....
Your marriage didn't suffer... I wonder if your husband would say the same thing?
dcn8v, it was originally my husband's idea – I was the one that needed convincing! But once we saw with the first one how well it worked, we (jointly!) chose to continue it as a parenting practice.
I totally agree with you. My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We have 9 children ranging in age from 1 year to 20 years. The 20 year old is married wtih a son of her own now. My children would always sleep in the bed with us from the time they came home from the hospital. They would graduate to a toddler bed in our room and then to their own bedroom. Because of that, I have children that are NOT afraid of the dark or whatever other boogie men are in the dark.
As for behavior, I have people tell me all of the time that I have the most well-behaved children they have ever seen.
Betty, there are over 14 methods of birth control. USE THEM. I'm sure neither of you has a college degree but you like church. LOL
My question is, how old is too old? My sister still shares a bed with her 10-year-old son. Personally, I think that's too old. But hey- if the study says it's fine, then why should I worry?
The kid should talk with a qualified professional who can ask him the right questions about what's really going on here. Sounds like your sister may have some issues.
If you've done a good job parenting, the child with decide its time to sleep alone, all on their own. Branching out and becoming independent is a normal part of growing up. At 8 yo, I would say he'll make the move into his own bed pretty soon. And the "keep out" sign will be hung on this door as he starts to claim his territory.
Kids need their own beds. Wrap the baby like a burrito, and he/she sleeps like a log. Smother them with love during the day; your spouse needs the attention at night.
Agreed. You can't give your kids a happy, healthy home if you don't have a happy, healthy marriage.
Swaddling is useful for newborns, it doesn't last very long. Some kids transition to sleeping alone easily, others don't, either way, letting them cry it out just teaches them that help isn't on the way, and then they give up. When your kid is ready to be alone, the transition is simple, pushing it too quickly isn't. If you can't figure out some fun ways to preserve intimacy other than in your own bed, at bedtime, with the lights down and the covers up, you aren't trying. "The baby's asleep in our room" isn't an obstacle, it's an invitation.
Agree all the way. Both of my children were nursed till they were 3, but they had their own rooms. When they were newborns they had a bassinett in our room for the first few months but that was all. My husband and I needed our bedroom to be ours and to be private. The kids grew up and knew to knock on the door before entering our bedroom, just as we gave the privacy as they grew up. They are now grown and perfect well adjusted adults, never had any problems with them and always had a wonderful loving relationship with my husband. You can't have that with a child in bed with you, if you say you do, you're fooling yourself.
All babies are different. Don't assume that all babies are capable of sleeping like a "log" simply because they're swaddled. My daughter HATED being swaddled and fought it from day one. We even bought a couple of different swaddle blankets and sleep sacs but none would work. She was also light sleeper and the smallest of noises would wake her up. I had to rock her to sleep for nearly an hour every night for the first year just to get her drowsy enough to put her down. Some babies are just horrible sleepers. 🙁
This article was written because of parents with too much time on their hands paying far too much attention to what other people are doing and not enough to their own lives and families. seriously, I've seen some of the helicopter moms wax psychotic on some of the boards where they dissect every minute part of how their children behave and react compared to others, so yeah, for them, this is validation, as for the rest of us with common sense? This is kinda a...DUH! moment.
I agree. Mind your own business, people. And quit telling me what is good or not good for my child and how I raise him.
tldr; women are insecure idiots
BradGa, and like you, every single parent in the world, knows everything, and couldn’t possibly learn anything new.
My question: what was the rest of the planet doing all those years before the USA came along? Co-sleeping is the norm for the rest of the world, even today. No, this does not create children with dependencies.... leaving an infant to cry themselves to sleep, or have to accept the lack of human touch when they need reassurance, is a sure way of creating a child with irrational fears and inappropriate dependencies. Humans have been been holding, sleeping with, and loving their infants through their early years since the beginning of time. Why do we believe we have suddenly (in the last 100-150 years) found a better way? My wife makes a funny statement: our society is more prone to allow our pets to sleep in our beds, while we put our babies in cages at night. When your baby learns that your constant love and affection is their norm, they will be reassured that all is right in their world. I believe this creates a more stable individual and closer bond between families, therefore contributes to a better society.
Couldn't agree with you more...for some reason even doctors are big proponents of cry it out and completely against co-sleeping...good thing that there are parents who have some common sense and know what's best for the child and that is comfort and security.
Humans are the only animals who do not sleep with their infants. Get a clue, American Academy of Pediatrics. We make laws to protect children and send people to jail for harming them. Putting a newborn in a separate room to be cold and alone and cry itself to sleep is the height of inhumanity.
If that is the "height of inhumanity" to you, you have lived a very sheltered life.
The article isn't referring to infants.. it's referring to toddlers.
Bobby hit the nail on the head – a lot can be learned by studying the past – even back to pre-historic days. From rearing children to diet, we could do better as a species if we got back to our roots, so to speak.
Back to when the human life expectancy was 35?
But the didn't die from being too fat.
Child advocates are mostly knuckleheads. Once had my daughter in an emergency room years ago for a dog bite, and when the social worker's questions got a little too close to the line, I apologized for having a penis and walked away from that c-word of a woman.
Shame on that social worker for taking an interest in your child’s safety. Why did some of the questions bother you? Guilt?
Women get into that profession to power trip over "the patriarchy"
Name: (required), Paranoid much?
most social workers are fat women who are dumber than a post.
I'm not a parent but I used to be a kid. This article is crap. I remember being alone, scared, and needing comfort in the middle of the night. Let me see – what did I do? I went to hang out with Mommy and Daddy. The benefit in this case is I was able to get a goods nights sleep when I was scared.
They aren't talking about scarey nights. They are talking about everyday – normal. All I know is I didn't do it. For my own sleep sanity and wanting to preserve my relationship with my husband! I do know friends that did this and they couldn't get them out of the bed and with one friend it ended up making the child fearful of sleeping alone.
Dated a woman who was a divorcee. I found that she slept with her 8 year old son. Discovered this the night she had custody and told me to go sleep in the child's bedroom! That was just too weird, so I terminated our relationship.
Weird indeed...I see a pattern here on the boards...mothers sleeping with their pre-pubescent or pubescent sons...with no one else present. Creepy.
she's a woman, its ok;) imagine if it was a man sleeping with is 8 yo daughter.... oohhhhhh no no no, child services will be knocking at is door very fast...
Smart guy. She was a trainwreck. NO SINGLE MOMMIES.
Thank you, Russ and Gordo...somehow you said exactly what I was thinking! There will always be some parents who will follow every new fad that comes along regarding taking care of their children, but when it comes down to it, a child in America needs the same things as a child in Zimbabwe. (And it isn't learn-to-read flashcards to shove in front of their face when they're 12 weeks old!) Food, shelter, clothing, love and security (in no particular order). Any child will feel more secure if not left to cry it out with a cold plastic video monitor on their wall. Americans have too much time on their hands. This study proves it. Wow.
Don’t understand the anger over this article. I’m sure many of you know everything there is to know, and have a degree in perfect parenting, but some people might find the article interesting.
Believe it or not, infants HAVE BEEN KILLED by parents rolling over on them. This possibility may not have occurred to some parents (apparently it hasn’t). Do a little research, you’ll be surprised how often this happens. If this article keeps it from happening even ONCE, it was a great article!
Now, come down off your high horses, and maybe switch to decaf!
Yes, people have rolled over onto babies and killed them, usually while under the influence of drugs, which is a seperate monster. But people have also crept into children's rooms, taken them out the window, and then killed them. So while I put my kids to bed in their own bed, if they wind up in mine by the end of the night, I sleep easier anyway. There's nothing quite like waking up to the beautific smile of a three year-old as he says "good morning, mama."
It's clear that you have a degree in sizing up the other posters on this board. Must be a real ego-booster to give everyone else a virtual spa nking, then go back to your TMZ tab while waiting for your welfare paycheck.
heather, either your a single mommy or your husband is a doormat.
I personally know of two people who have rolled over and accidently smothered their child to death. Both were neither overweight, drunk or under the influence of drugs. It does happen. Doesn't mean that co-sleeping should be banned. Accidents happen and parents should educate themselves on safer ways to co-sleep with their child.
"people have rolled over onto babies and killed them, usually while under the influence of drugs"
LOL, you have no idea what you are talking about...!
It musta been the DRUGS!!!
I slept with my mother and brother in moms room most night until I was 12 years old. Never had problem. Nights my mother made me sleep in my own bed, I wouldn't shut the door. She was a single mother, and my brother and me were very close with her!
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, at least 515 deaths were linked to infants and toddlers under 2 years of age sleeping in adult beds from January 1990 to December 1997. That is 515 preventable deaths. On the other hand, perhaps the risk of death is worth not having to put up with as much crying overnight.
Or according to some posters, having to read this article. Apparently their day has been ruined, because CNN published this article.
There are also hundreds of deaths caused by drop-side cribs that kids sleep alone in. Older toddlers manage to get killed escaping from their cribs. SIDS usually happens when infants are sleeping alone, cosleeping appears to present a lower SIDS risk. Sleeping alone isn't perfectly safe either, and dumping your kid in a crib and closing the door doesn't make them any safer, chicken little.
Pull other statistics regarding kidnapping in the middle of the night, death from SIDS, death from cribs, etc....
Whether anyone likes it or not, I slept with every single one of my babies when they were infants! Best sleep that babies, daddy, or I got was when the baby was in the bed with me. My babies would sleep cuddled in my arms with my lips pressed against their forehead. It was easy for me to tell everything about their breathing during the night. They felt safe and secure in my arms and slept good.
I rasied some awesome children that are absolutely wonderful! (Not just in my own opinion, but in many other's opinion as well–I have people stop me all of the time to tell me how much my children mean to them because they are so active in the community.)
So, I say sleep with your children if you want to; when they get bigger, they will start to go to their own bed on their own.
We are well educated, white and coslept until ours were 1. They actually slept with me and I woke the mrs at feedingtime. But I wouldn't recommend it to parents that are overweight, heavy sleepers, drug users... Or on waterbeds. Common sense stuff which I understand is lacking out there. I usually read these articles to learn something but I guess we need more studies. Lol.
More studies, how silly! I’m sure we’ve thought of everything.
Relax everyone! CNN was just putting out an article about whether it is harmful to sleep with your toddler They have been sleeping with, coddling and loving their children HOW THEY SEE FIT, for centuries. There are a lot of variables to this article, so many "to each his own"conclusions. But Shamgar50 is right. America is a seriously fat, alcoholic nation. Us Americans need to be reminded of what is normal, and what isn't...just coz we don't know anymore.
People will publish anything to get another paper in their CV...thats why PubMed is full with garbage..toddler sleeping with parents..is the main problem of our society ? may be is better to keep the toddler crying all night..the so called "tough love" ? Sht..how about some cancer research...we have billions on wars and we have perfected the art of killing but we got nothing for cancer..nothing at all. Besides the ignoramuses are more afraid of a terrorist than from cancer...
Welcome to capitalism
We are both physicians, both our kids co sleep. They are happy and we love snuggling them. Marraige is strong and so is family!!!
JT, I agree 150%! My hubby and I have been married for 21 years; most people still say that we are on our honeymoon. Our children slept in the bed with us until around a year old or so. Then, they would go to their toddler bed or to their own room.
If it is bad weather outside, it is nothing to look around my bedroom and see 8 pallets on the floor!!!! (Only 8 because one of the daughters got married a couple of years ago!) They feel a peace and comfort in my bedroom. They know that as long as they are there with mama and daddy; everything will be okay!
So, Betty, none of kids went to college. No surprise there. Stupid.
"Haverkos says more studies are needed to look more closely at the risks and benefits of bed-sharing"
Show me a study where they say "Welp, that's it. We've solved it and we can shut down the lab now."
Few things are static, and most research is open ended because of it. Sorry if you find that upsetting.
That it was ever a question whether sleeping with your child was bad reminds me that they used to think that flies hatched from rotten logs...
Ridiculous...
And if no one had studied it, we’d still think that. Learning is just so burdensome, isn’t it?
She's just using a baby sheild to keep your advancing troops at bay.....Next stop, breast feeding teens...
Marriage for economic benefits and social legitimacy. When will men ever learn? You're nothing more than a sperm donor and a paycheck to her.
So true. Marriage has no benefit for a man. DON'T DO IT.
Maybe it's because you compare your lovemaking to a battle. And please, marriage is, and always has been, a bigger benefit for the man.
Alyssa, how is being trapped in a s3xless marriage with an overwrought, overweight, Oprah-zombified, paycheck-sucking PMSing ball and chain of a shrew any kind of a benefit to a man?
How is it a benefit? Hmmm... maybe you should look at the longevity studies, about who live longest. Men: who are single/never-married, divoriced, or married? It's the latter, by a huge margin. Women on the other hand, live longer than men, and there is little difference in female longevity based on marital status(s). Men need women more than vice-versa. Now, that aside, why does everything need to be a battle?
Married men live longer because the ones who are so p ssy whipped that they've turned into poodles live marginally longer than fast-living, fun loving playboys who die with their boots on.
I hardly think you've made a strong case for marriage
How's your liver treating you?
My ex-sister in law is from Bogota and she did sleep with my niece for two years at least. She said that's the way they all raised kids in Bogota. They feel it is healthier for the child and I see no real issues with it.
Must be high on Cocaine !
Riding that train
There may be no evidence on whether having your toddler sleep in the same bed with you is harmful or not to the toddler but Daddy has been kicked in the head, chest, stomach, eye socket and hair pulled. It might not hurt Baby but it definitely hurts Daddy.
Lol – Can't believe I missed this post before! OMG – toddlers are indeed the worst sleepers. My toddler believes it's his divine right to sleep horizontally in our bed! However, he shows no real preference to having his head or feet towards any particular parent. Oh, he also feels he has the right to the pillow my head is on, regardless of how many pillows are in the bed!
Women who sleep with the toddlers deserve to GET DUMPED. It's pathetic and reason # 695 in a long line of reasons not to get married and NOT to date single mommies. Useless.
Bitter, some?
We're all sorry your mother didn't love you.
It's all fun and games till you're 35 with a case of head lice and your baby daddy (who also co-sleeps and is BALD) has to comb nits and bugs out of your hair.
The best case against co-sleeping is head lice. Share the bed you share the lice.
Just sayin' mamas
Actually head lice would spread to the family whether you co-sleep or not. That's how they spread in SCHOOLS
shamgar50, this is a placeholder comment, so that you can feverishly hit the reply button and write some smarmy, sarcastic, make yourself feel better comment to sooth your insecure ego.
time to get off your computer, peel your sticky and stinky overweight behind off your chair and go take a walk outside...the birds are chirping and everything.
CNN, your biases are showing in this one. In one breath stating that AAP doesn't recommend sleeping with infants up to 6 months and in the very next one stating that's when infants are at the highest risk of sudden infant death. Shame on you for implying the two are related! Oh and then there's the description of the research – "The study authors set out to find out whether toddlers who slept with their parents would have social or developmental issues by the time they reached kindergarten." Issues? I hardly think that's the researchers hypothesis statement. Differences, yes, issues, no! Thankfully, you partially redeemed yourself by providing reasonable quotes. But then you muddled it by saying they looked at low income families but provided a quote about comparing education levels and ethnicity. So which is it?
It's so cute how you think CNN is a credible source of information and expect them to practice professional journalistic standards of integrity.
Please kill this buzzphrase. Seriously, it needs to die.
My son did pretty good sleeping in his own room when he was a baby, but other than that he has always slept in my bed with me and he is 6 years old. He did very well on both kindergarten report cards and is in 1st grade for this fall.
Test
Sick.
This article completely misses the wonderful and fascinating research done by Dr. James McKenna at Notre Dame's Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory. Waiting to bed-share until 1 misses all the benefits of doing it from birth along with breastfeeding. His work has actually found that the incidence of SIDS in babies who co-sleep AND breastfeed is almost nil, likely due to breathing regulation found when mom and baby sleep together, as well as more frequent arousal (not crying) of baby during the night. Babies in cribs tend to sleep more deeply, which may not be a good thing for their developing respiratory systems...more episodes of sleep apnea have been found among crib-sleeping babies and combined with deeper sleep, this can lead to them failing to rouse themselves when they're not breathing. Next to mom though, these babies do tend to rouse or regulate their breathing again. Done safely, bed-sharing is extremely beneficial to mom and baby, as most of the rest of the world knows and has known for all of history. Check out the articles on the Notre Dame site:
http://nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/, they're really fascinating.
On the issue of bed-sharing with older children. I think if you start at birth and continue as long as it works for the family, this arrangement becomes the norm for your family. If you allow children to float around from bed to bed and use mom and dad's bed as a reward, then you're inviting potential problems. My two, soon to be three kids, have always slept with us and the "bed" issue is completely separate from other parenting...it's where we sleep and has nothing to do with discipline, rules, consequences, rewards, etc. To boot, my girls both seem to be positively impacted by our family bed arrangement, so we have made the choice to continue because it works beautifully for us.
A family that lays together stays together. You got problems lady.
This article doesn't speak about the damage that it does to the parents. This is an intimate time for parents who have had a long tough day and need this time to connect and have a break. They also didn't mention the fact that then the child expects to sleep with the parent every night and gets used to this. If there happens to be some reason why this is not acceptable any longer there are problems with the child going to sleep. Yelling and crying, fights at bedtime, waking up through the night. It may not affect the children as far as sleep but what about the short tempers that parents have from lack of sleep for accommodating the child. The stress that is caused from lack of sleep for the parents that is transferred to the child. Children have a bed for a reason. They need to use it.
Keeping a child in bed is the perfect excuse to maintain a s3xless marriage. It's a power move.
If you got s3x problems, then sure, co-sleeping will be part of that. The problem isn't the co-sleeping, the problem is that you have s3x problems in your marriage. A couple with a healthy s3x life won't see co-sleeping as any sort of obstacle. I'm sure it's easier to focus on anything other than the real problem though.
Has anyone heard of a story where the parents co-slept and crushed their infant? This article and research is a joke and is one of those does-no-good to anyone researchs. Co Sleeping gives babies the warmth and protection that also makes breastfeeding easier.
I don't get the idea of a whole fancy nursery and putting a little one alone in a room either. How many times will a mom walk in the night to feed the babies? So they end up with formulas. The formulas which are fed to babies at night gives them longer nights of sleep in their cribs because they feel heavy on their tummies. You create all the nusery for 2 years??? and are the babies really benefiting by it? When they grow up they will anyway have their own rooms. We co-slept with our daughter until she was 2. She is a smart independent and very happy 5 yr old. Even if I get a crib for our 2nd one, it'll be in our room so I can breastfeed as often and the baby can co-sleep with us whenever he wants.
Actually yes there have been babies suffocated in bed with their parents. Many of them. And just as bed-sharing has been practiced for a long time, so has placing babies in bassinets and cribs. Babies have to sleep somewhere, people don't usually just put them on the floor.
The fancy nursery is part of the baby industry. There's money to be made, so they push products and services. No one got rich telling people it's ok to put the crib in the parents room. No one ever made a dime telling parents that the cutesy changing table is a total waste of space and dollars. But if you tell parents they need these things, you can sell them these things.
We put together a nice nursery before our daughter was born. We moved out of that apartment before she ever used it. It was a nice place for us to spend some intimate time while the baby was asleep in our room.
Plenty of people let their children sleep in the bed with them before the age of one. They say it's more convenient. When you start that early it's much more difficult to get the child to sleep on their own though.
HELP ME GET A JOB!!
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I've co-slept with 2 out of 3 of my children. It just works best for us. I tried crying it out with my 1st child and would never do it again.
We've been blessed with children that get into bed at night and go to sleep, then wake up in the morning. They have no trouble soothing themselves to sleep, despite my having slept with them until they were 3.
Parents, particularly in the US, are being told that their children need to become independent from about the time they come out of the womb. It doesn't make sense to me.
still a slow news day? gawd.
What if one parent wants the child in the bed and one parent does not ? then what ? maybe some more studies are needed.
Even a better question, what if the child is yours and not your partner's and your partner doesnt want your child in bed with the both of you ?
Coming from an Asian culture but not completely asian given I grew up in the US, I actually think there's a great emotional benefit to co-sleeping. Given that I work full-time outside the home, I like to think that sleeping together strengthen the bond between parents and children. Of course, this is a controversial issue, which it really shouldn't be, so I expect differing views.
I dislike the article because how could there be harm co-sleeping? That's ludicrous. The article would be more interesting if they study whether there's harm if the child is in the teens and still sleeping with the parents.
perhaps someone should do a study on the effect it has on your marriage. because i would imagine it would NOT be good. kids ruin marriages as it is and then you regularly bring them into the one place that should be shared by only you and your spouse? no thanks. seems like an al around bad idea.
Eh? Unless you live in a flat, there are other rooms to do whatever couple bonding things. Once the kids are asleep, parents CAN go to another room to talk, bond, etc.
Wow, the anti-woman sentiments in some of these comments is absolutely astounding.
Also, all of the people pointing out things like "the parents' bed should be their place to be alone together and recover from a stressful day"? Guess what – when you have a child, you don't sign up to be a parent for 16 hours a day. You sign up to be a parent 24 hours a day for the rest of your life. It seems like the same people who are saying that co-sleeping is a horrible, marriage-destroying thing are the ones who approach parenting as if it's just a giant chore.
Maybe instead of shutting kids out of the bedroom to escape from them at night, more people could learn to parent in a way that doesn't suck out their souls and leave them exhausted and feeling the need to get away from their kids at the end of every day. Perhaps if people didn't sacrifice their lives and personalities so they can hover over their kids micro-managing them every second of the day, they'd be able to devote some of their waking hours to their spouses instead of looking at their marriage as something that only exists in the hours when their kids are asleep in the other room!
I think it's more relevant if some who are against co-sleeping actually confirmed that they had tried co-sleeping for a few months. Can't judge what one has not tried.
Most men don't "sign up" for parenting. The woman gets knocked up on purpose and pressures/guilts him into marrying her (or he calculates this is a better option for him than paying child support). Women are mercenaries.
Really, "Dr. Fill"? Really? Can you cite me some statistics to back this up? Because I'd love to see them. Exactly how can men get coerced into fatherhood if they are in full and total control of their reproductive capabilities? Last time I checked, condoms and vasectomies made it completely possible for any man not interested in fathering children to avoid it.
As a father who slept in the bed with his parents until he was six and child that sleeps with him I agree with you. I put the kid to bed before I go to bed. Plenty of alone time for adults. Its not like you go to be when the kid goes to bed. My mom still wakes up in panics afraid something is wrong with us in the other room.
http://gettinbetter.com/blackmail.html
Dr. Fill, more accurate words were never spoken. Marriage is a death sentence for a man.
Bed sharing with a toddler? Eeeewwww! that pedo philia.
I DO believe in certain instances children under the age of 1 should NOT sleep with a parent. When parents are obese, drunk or the bed is just too small for all to sleep well and safely. Both of my grandsons sleep with an adult. My 2 yr old grandson sleeps in his Mom's King bed, while my 5 yr old grandson sleeps with me in my queen bed. We are all happy and comfy and the added bliss is waking up to a small face in yours, legs kicking your back and a morning cuddle. This study is just another ignorant opinion by (probably) childless reporters. To even infer that the family bed may create developmental deficiencies in children is ludicrous. We are a closer family do to the closeness we have with our kids and grandkids. PLUS, we all sleep better and longer. These kids rarely wake up at night. If they do, we are only a touch away. It's called parenting,people.
**Like**
Your situation is the best FOR YOU. Every family is different, every situation is different, every parent is different, every CHILD is different. Claiming your way is the only way that works or is viable, is rude and ignorant.
It's called condescension people.
Fred, I realize every situation is different and every parent needs to find their own way to night-time peace. But this study is, once again, telling people how to parent by even suggesting it's not normal. Stupid and insulting. By the way,I also work at home, and my grandkids are allowed to sit on my lap at my desk, come in to get a hug, interrupt me to play a game, and picnic on my bed at lunchtime. What would the experts say about that, I wonder!
Bobby, sounds like you may have been left to cry in your crib when you were an infant. Also, please tell me exactly how you "heard" this article. Personally, I "read" it. Dumbo