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 The author before her hair loss began.
July 11th, 2011
07:29 AM ET
An agonizing secret: One woman's story of lossEditor's note: Lisa O’Neill Hill is the co-owner of a writing, editing and consulting business in Southern California. At first I thought the shedding was temporary and must be connected to a medical problem. I consulted eight doctors, endured dozens of blood tests and spent thousands of dollars. I secretly hoped I had a thyroid problem, a hormone imbalance, some kind of vitamin deficiency, even lupus. I needed an explanation. But all the tests came back negative. That doctor gave me hope, but that hope has long since faded. Although his regimen has worked for many, it didn’t for me. I suspect nothing will. After exhausting my options, I’ve had to face the truth: nothing is going to stop my hair from falling. My father and brother have varying degrees of hair loss and my mother always had fine hair. My maternal aunt had very little hair on the top of her head, classic female pattern baldness. I’ve never been thrilled with my appearance, but my hair was the one thing I was frequently complimented on. It was an integral part of my identity. When my hair began to shed, my already fragile self-esteem broke apart. I felt ugly, ashamed. Watching my hair abandon me put me in a dark place. I went to therapy for a year and began taking antidepressants. I was in crisis. Those around me, even though they were there for me, didn’t quite understand why this was affecting me so brutally. I’d sob in my husband’s arms and talk about my hair constantly and obsessively. My hair was the last thing I’d think about before I went to sleep. And it was the first thing on my mind when I woke up. For a long time, my sanity was held together by a group of strangers, women across the country and around the world who, like me, are struggling to conceal their hair loss and handle the deep emotional toll it takes. We met on the Women’s Hair Loss Project, an online support network where we traded information about treatment options, coping mechanisms, hair pieces, the numbers of hairs that fall out (yes, some of us count) and where we lauded considerate doctors and condemned dismissive ones. Our stories had commonalities: Losing our hair made us feel unattractive, unworthy, less womanly. It robbed us of joy. We withdrew. “I want to die,” one woman wrote. In public, we studied other women, envious of the hair that they take for granted. I had that hair once. I marvel at old photos. At the time, I didn’t realize or appreciate how much hair I actually had. I do what I can to hide what is happening. I had my hair cut shorter to make it appear thicker. I part it a certain way. My hairdresser styles my hair frequently, blowing it out with a big brush. I am beyond grateful to her. Still, I worry about others noticing my hair loss, about what my head will look like tomorrow, next week, next year. When I commit to a social engagement months away, one of the first things I think about is what my hair will look like by then. For a long time, I’ve kept my secret close to me. But it’s been exhausting. I may not be at the point of my hair loss being that noticeable, but I know one day it will be. What then? I am afraid it will send me back into that dark place. For women with genetic hair loss, the options are limited. We can use Rogaine (which works on some people but only for as long as it is applied), take medications that will suppress our levels of testosterone and increase our levels of estrogen, or look for something cosmetic like a hair piece. We are desperate for a solution. I’ve lost faith in the medical establishment. I’ve been dismissed by cavalier doctors who undoubtedly looked at my head of hair and thought I was crazy. Everyone loses hair, they said. That’s true. But for most people, that hair grows back. I knew all along that my situation was different; my follicles were dead. I just wish I hadn’t been right. I’m grateful I don’t have cancer or some other life-threatening illness. Yet this has cut me to the core. My 7-year-old daughter knows not to touch Mommy’s “delicate” hair and asks why I frequently wear baseball caps. At the grocery store, at church, at the mall, I notice other women with genetic hair loss. We are a sorority of suffering sisters. My hair is still falling out. In fact, lately it seems to have increased. It still makes me sad, but I know I have done everything in my power to remedy it. It’s time to stop fighting and to accept the cards I have been dealt. I know I’m making progress. I have transitioned from hysteria to detachment. I no longer cry about my hair loss. I am loath to give this any more power. This is part of who I am. I shouldn’t be ashamed, but somehow what is happening makes me feel less than the person I used to be. I am more than my hair. At least that’s what I constantly try to tell myself.
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Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
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My fall break ends (oh, Fall rupture, Please gain!), And I am ready with a new overseas love story for you, Dear website reader.
My today web site are Andrea Nejezchlebova (Czech Republic) and additionally Alvaro Soler Torres (france). Some of you who check out blog probably had a thought: simply no Russians. obviously, in the end.
i never met Alvaro in person but I heard a lot about him from Andrea, Who was my roommate during my first summer in the usa. They been combined one year and nine months, And they have a lot of funny stories to tell about their marriage.
valentine Day in Copenhagen (From confidential archive)
Alvaro met Andrea at a club in her home team, Brno (Czech Republic) When he was there on Erasmus services:
Screaall of usd at all of us: Girl in speaking spanish].
Andrea just came back from France where she spent her Erasmus semester so she was really happy to talk to somebody shared the same experience. Alvaro was trying to impress her with his knowledge of Czech phrases like have beautiful eyes, And that kind of stuff He says it was because the first thing he noticed was her eyes so I asked his friend for the interpretation. Alvaro Czech was not wonderful (apparently, It still isn in Andrea), But was cool, So she him chances, Andrea. Alvaro took the opportunity and asked her to be his Czech tutor. Their first class converted into their first date:
my opinion, I really didn't imagine was a date and came in jeans, And he had a flower for me plastic tulip (He did not find a real flower, But at least I still have it). this is one way it all started.
all the way through Benidorm, southern spain, Alvaro local (From home archive)
Andrea admits that she had to go through some stereotypical Spanish behavior in the start of her relationship with Alvaro.
Punctuality (Or less it) Was main things she had to face. Alvaro was 10 minutes late thus to their second date and almost got Andrea frozen to death. an excellent, She came up with a plan to always tell him to be in a good option 10 minutes before she was planning to be there herself. This trick didn go very far, But soon there was no need for it anymore: When Alvaro got a job, He became more timely.
Language barrieralso were once a problem:
the beginning of our relationship,Google Translatewas our best friend. but it also had advantages: We could't really fight and sometimes when he didn are affected by my questions, I thought maybe it's not that he wasn listening but he just didn locate (It been found he usually really wasn listening). sometime, Alvaro English advanced, And Andrea learned to dicuss Spanish (She always wanted to but had no motivation now she got it), And now the couple uses Spanglish most often.
They both enjoy cruising a lot. Alvaro told me about a little vacationing tradition they have:
Are penguins good reason? It was years ago when one afternoon there was a lot adam4adam gay dating of snow and we were frozen, So we said we are similar to penguins We have penguins like figures in cartoon. you will find girl penguin, the actual, And he has boy penguin, Me and when we do some trip split up or together we take picture with the penguin. For me it's pleasant: When I go for some trip without her I take over penguin so she is with me, And same on her. Is joking about it saying that this difference exists because Spanish people don need beer to talk to the people they don know, Which appears to be an absolute for Czechs. quite possibly, Spanish consumers are very open: Theycan easily have legal representative on any topic while for Czech people a lot of topics, as well as family, having sex, passing away, Or the take home, are considered a taboo.
This slideshow commands JavaScript.
Here a timeline of their things to do
One more for Andrea was that Spanish people like to have long lunches and dinners: Lunch and dinner means heaps of food. Laughs about it saying that she cannot imagine how a person can eat some much food owning fat. you are able to, In Czech Republic it is not common to don't stop talking during the meal Spanish people talk, And discussion about, And discussion about, And I admit sometimes I i just wanted to scream if we can finish already. They founded dating, Andrea and Alvaro had to compromise the time after getting having the meals because in Spain they eat lunch and dinner waaaaay later than in Czech Republic. So now they eat later than Czechs but prior to Spanish, defining it as comfortable for both of them.
All those are minor concerns though, confesses Andrea. They all are simple and easy to adjust to if you are willing to embrace your partner culture. of course, the length still makes the harshest challenge of all. summer time when I met Andrea, She was functioning atMt. Olympusin Wisconsin Dells, ', states:
Was very skeptical about great distance, But I realized it's not that bad, And at least it made us realize we really want to be together and that we want to make it work for at least next 60 years. Were trying times though. Andrea had only one day off, And a result of the time difference she could only call him once a week on Skype. She could not wait to return to Alvaro: the concept of seeing him in September helped her live through that difficult, In both real and mental way, summer time. Now Alvaro lives and works in Czech Republic and they see some other every second weekend. They Skype day after day as well, essential neither of them can wait to live together again.
Witb the Berlin wall structure (From very personal archive)
I asked both Andrea and Alvaro what in their opinion is the recipe for a long lasting foreign relationship. To sum it up in Andrea words,
Need to compromise and be ready to bring surrender. if you live in the same country, there's always at least one of you, Who lives far from your friends and relations, And that might be hard; If you are long-distance, You should plan when you can travel to each other or you can go travel together, and you will set a point in a future when you'll be together because without that you can just feel lost and lose the determination to make it work. Sees the international relationship as a way to learn about a many different country and culture. He also finds it funny when a word or a phrase have varying meaning in English or Czech when he tries to speak his mind. Andrea jokes that the biggest advantage of being a global couple is that parents are not meeting each other until the wedding. Being more serious, She added that for her personally it helped to develop her speaking skills and become more open, More friendly.
Dear viewer, I hope you'll surely be able be more open, More community, And will improve your vocabulary skills when you engage in cross cultural dating, Like my somewhat guest did.
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Love in attached of layoffs
In some other recession era "Misery loves insurance company" part, The Associated Press reports that dating is booming in these troubled economic times. Since last september, gym on eHarmony (A christian values backed, Marriage oriented dating site) Has risen 20 p'cent, nevertheless OK Cupid (Which is similar to a social networking site and caters to a younger, More comfortable crowd) Has attracted a stunning 50 percent more customers. Quirky single men and women events, Such as Chicago's Nerds planned, Which invites players to throw down $25 for a night of drinking, Trivia and board games, Are also thriving.
The AP argues that we can chalk these fashion up to two major factors: The overall economy has left people with less money and more anxiety. While paying up to $60 a month to maintain an eHarmony account may seem unwise as retirement savings evaporate and unemployment looms large, OK Cupid's founder and CEO Sam Yagan explains why this may be a reasonable expenditure:how he figures it, A man can spend $100 buying drinks at a bar trying to pick up a stranger and leave with little more than a cold shoulder. still,but unfortunately, When he's in a working relationship, A Saturday evening can be as common as Thai noodle takeout, Netflix and some fun plantar too the covers. most of the time, Yagan proclaimed, which "More bang for your buck,
isn't that romantic? University of Richmond neurologist Craig Kinsley corroborates Yagan's point: "fairly, going, Rather than being viewed as expensive, Can be a thrilling and good value distraction, He explains the AP. "Like getting drunk devoid of the wallet hit http://www.pof.com or hangover, (Still unconvinced that successive dating can be cheap? quite frankly ask, The JDater who finally found his soul mate after carpet bombing the site's female users with messages and meeting up to three women per Saturday at various midtown Manhattan Starbucks.)
when it comes to anxiety aspect, Kinsley shows that "Stomach fluttering first dates also release brain chemicals that can briefly erase worries, Even concerning 401(okay)S and layoffs and falling portfolios and upside down mortgages, And other researchers have found that activity on dating sites surges after all kinds of traumatic world events, From stock exchange crashes to 2007's Virginia Tech massacre. "It ends up being a reminder you'll want to look for the important things in life, Gian Gonzaga, EHarmony's senior research scientist (regarding, Such a position exists), instructs the AP. "It isn't that surprising if you see people gravitating toward the most fundamental human relations,
I can imagine that money and anxiety may have related to the uptick in dating, But I also have a few other hypotheses. in whose sale benefits, Online dating was increasing in popularity before the recession, As the stigma environment it continued to evaporate to next to nothing. And the downturn has left Americans with a lot of free time to fill. however, The unemployed have about 40 60 extra hours a week saved. Our outsize American egos are hungry for great outcomes and if we can't find it at work, We may as well look for it in our special lives.
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