Sex after kids: The art of the quickie
June 16th, 2011
07:11 AM ET

Sex after kids: The art of the quickie

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Hey parents, remember sex before kids? Remember when lovemaking was long and languorous, when vacations and weekends (and every other moment of the day for that matter) potentially revolved around sex? Remember morning sex?

Chances are that many dads will get to sleep in this Father’s Day, but odds are their Sunday morning won’t include much post-coital cuddling - or coital anything for that matter. According to a recent survey by the online magazine Baby Talk, just 24% of parents say they’re satisfied with their post-baby sex lives, compared to 66% who were happy before they had children.

At Good in Bed, we believe that parenthood is about perfecting the art of the quickie and finding moments between the chaos and exhaustion to squeeze in some intimacy. Quickies don’t necessarily have to lead to orgasm, and they don’t even have to be wholly sexual.

Take a long hug, for example. Studies have shown that positive physical touch stimulates a brain chemical called oxytocin. Dubbed the “cuddle hormone,” it’s produced during a range of scenarios, including sexual arousal, orgasm and childbirth.

The result: Oxytocin helps to create a sense of emotional intimacy, relaxation, contentment and trust. Scientists have even found that oxytocin helps relieve stress, improve mood and lower blood pressure. Even better, you and your partner easily can boost oxytocin all day long: just a 20 to 30-second hug can raise oxytocin levels in both men and women.

Other potential quickies:

Re-discovering the art of the kiss. Believe it or not, less than 50% of people kiss their partners on daily basis. No wonder so many people are stuck in sex ruts. Once we stop kissing, it’s a sign that something needs to change.

Sending your partner a sexy text. These days technology is often depicted as a time bomb that could destroy a relationship at any moment, but couples in trusting long-term relationship can use sexy emails and texts with each other to cultivate their connection and build sexual anticipation.

Telling your partner about a sexy fantasy or dream. A study at Trent University in Peterborough, Ontario, found that intercourse is the most common sexual behavior in dreams. A healthy 37% of participants reported having a sexual dream once a week, while 19% reported dreaming about sex up to five times per week. So share the dream!

Hop in the shower together. With the summer heat come more excuses to shower - why not save the water and enjoy one together? If you’re headed for the beach, take some time to rub suntan lotion on your partner with meaning and verve.

These small connections may not be explicitly sexual, but they create “transferable” desire that adds up over time and contributes to lasting sexual desire and fulfilling sexual experiences.

“Little quickies are a great way to get our adrenaline going,” writes Naughty Mommy blogger, Heidi Raykeil: “From handjobs to frisky playful exhibitionism, to just taking a moment to feel each other up, quickies are a way of re-connecting and building up a reserve of sexual anticipation. Taking the big O out as a ‘goal’ really leaves more room for playful, fun stuff - as long as we know we can get that other fulfillment later.”

So sex or no sex this Sunday, take the time for a little quickie with your partner, even if it’s just that 30-second hug and a little appreciation of the clan you’ve created together. You’ve come a long way since the days of sex before kids, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still give each other some one-on-one time. Happy Father’s Day!

soundoff (866 Responses)
  1. RV Repair Shops Near Me Now

    You have made some decent points there. I checked on the internet for more info about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.


    June 25, 2021 at 00:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. RV Air Conditioner Repair Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 02:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. RV Roof Repair Service Near Me

    Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thank you so much, However I am having troubles with your RSS. I donít understand the reason why I am unable to subscribe to it. Is there anybody else getting similar RSS issues? Anyone who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanx!!


    June 25, 2021 at 04:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. RV Repair Nearby

    After going over a handful of the blog posts on your web site, I truly appreciate your way of blogging. I added it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future. Take a look at my web site too and tell me how you feel.


    June 25, 2021 at 06:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. pharmacepticacom

    is erectile dysfunction mental https://pharmaceptica.com/

    June 25, 2021 at 07:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. RV Mobile Repair Service Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 07:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. RV Repair Shops Near Me

    I couldnít resist commenting. Perfectly written!


    June 25, 2021 at 09:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. RV Roof Repair Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 09:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Teddy

    all the time i used to read smaller articles which as well clear their
    motive, and that is also happening with this piece of writing which I am reading now.

    June 25, 2021 at 11:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. RV Glass Repair Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 14:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. RV Repair Around Me


    June 25, 2021 at 15:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. RV Appliance Repair Near Me

    Having read this I thought it was really informative. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this short article together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worth it!


    June 25, 2021 at 17:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. RV Roof Repair Near Me

    This site was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me. Many thanks!


    June 25, 2021 at 17:52 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Kieth Crogier


    June 25, 2021 at 19:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. RV Repairs Near Me

    Hello there! I could have sworn Iíve visited this website before but after browsing through many of the posts I realized itís new to me. Anyhow, Iím definitely delighted I came across it and Iíll be book-marking it and checking back often!


    June 25, 2021 at 20:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. RV Repair Shop Near Me

    Iím impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog thatís both equally educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you've hit the nail on the head. The issue is something not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy I found this during my hunt for something regarding this.


    June 25, 2021 at 21:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. RV Air Conditioner Repair Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 21:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. RV Repair Near Here

    Next time I read a blog, Hopefully it doesn't disappoint me just as much as this one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, however I truly believed you would probably have something interesting to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you were not too busy looking for attention.


    June 25, 2021 at 21:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. RV Repair Shop

    Everyone loves it when people come together and share thoughts. Great blog, stick with it!


    June 25, 2021 at 22:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Sprinter Repair Near Me

    Howdy! This post could not be written any better! Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept preaching about this. I will forward this information to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!


    June 26, 2021 at 00:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Carl Olejarz

    I was able to find good advice from your articles.


    June 26, 2021 at 01:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Nancy Josten

    I absolutely love your blog.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you create this site yourself? Please reply back as Iím wanting to create my own blog and would like to find out where you got this from or just what the theme is named. Many thanks!


    June 26, 2021 at 01:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. RV Roof Repair Service Near Me


    June 26, 2021 at 03:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Shantel Laidlaw


    June 26, 2021 at 08:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. RV Repair Around Me

    After going over a number of the blog articles on your site, I truly appreciate your way of blogging. I saved as a favorite it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back in the near future. Take a look at my web site as well and tell me what you think.


    June 26, 2021 at 09:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. RV Repair Parts Near Me


    June 26, 2021 at 11:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa


    June 26, 2021 at 12:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. RV Tire Repair Near Me


    June 26, 2021 at 13:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. pharmaceptica.com

    who makes hydroxychloroquine win https://www.pharmaceptica.com/

    June 26, 2021 at 16:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Brian Houston Leadership Podcast


    June 26, 2021 at 18:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. www.milestoneapply.com pre approved

    Good day! Would you mind if I share your blog with my zynga group? There's a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Thank you


    June 26, 2021 at 20:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. astonishing legends podcast


    June 26, 2021 at 23:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. International Leadership Of Texas


    June 27, 2021 at 01:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. What Does Leadership Mean To You

    Good site you have here.. Itís difficult to find good quality writing like yours these days. I really appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!


    June 27, 2021 at 07:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. warren sharp podcast


    June 27, 2021 at 08:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Sprinter Repair Near Me

    I was able to find good information from your blog posts.


    June 27, 2021 at 16:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Sprinter Repair Orange County


    June 27, 2021 at 16:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Passenger Van Repair Shop Near Me

    Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely feel this site needs a lot more attention. Iíll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the advice!


    June 27, 2021 at 17:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. 2006 Sprinter 3500 Repair Near Me

    Great article! We will be linking to this particularly great article on our site. Keep up the great writing.


    June 27, 2021 at 17:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Concrete Sills B2B Business Data

    Can anyone able to recommend quality Shampoos Business Marketing Data? Thanks very much 😀


    June 27, 2021 at 19:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Repair Orange County

    When I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I get 4 emails with the same comment. There has to be a means you are able to remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!


    June 27, 2021 at 21:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. RV Repair Near Me Now


    June 27, 2021 at 22:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Restoration Shop Near Me

    Right here is the perfect website for everyone who wants to find out about this topic. You understand a whole lot its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually would want toÖHaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a subject that has been written about for years. Excellent stuff, just wonderful!


    June 27, 2021 at 23:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. RV Repair Shop Near My Location

    After looking at a few of the blog posts on your blog, I seriously appreciate your way of writing a blog. I bookmarked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back soon. Please check out my web site too and tell me how you feel.


    June 28, 2021 at 00:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Repair Nearby

    Great info. Lucky me I ran across your blog by chance (stumbleupon). I've bookmarked it for later!


    June 28, 2021 at 02:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Mercedes Benz Sprinter Authorized Repair Shop


    June 28, 2021 at 05:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Diesel Sprinter Engine Repair Service

    Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely believe this website needs far more attention. Iíll probably be returning to read more, thanks for the advice!


    June 28, 2021 at 08:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. RV Repair


    June 28, 2021 at 08:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. RV Repair Shop

    bookmarked!!, I really like your blog!


    June 28, 2021 at 13:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. RV Repair Near Me Now

    Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this article plus the rest of the website is also really good.


    June 28, 2021 at 13:30 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Post a comment


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.