Dealing with bedroom boredom
June 2nd, 2011
08:12 AM ET

Dealing with bedroom boredom

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

In my experience as a sexuality counselor and founder of GoodinBed.com, roughly 25% of people are significantly bored in their relationships and another 25% are somewhat bored.

Of course it stands to reason that life can’t always be filled with fireworks and that a little bit of boredom every now and then is only to be expected. But what about when a general sense of malaise settles in - when you’re not necessarily unhappy in your relationship, but you’re not particularly excited either?

Relationship boredom may not be dramatic, but it can be dangerous if left unattended.

Boredom is like an attack on a relationship’s immunity system - once weakened we’re all the more susceptible to a cascade of ailments.

For example, it’s estimated that 25% of people who cheat do so due to boredom, and people who are bored in their relationships are also more vulnerable to emotional infidelity as well. Human beings are innate novelty-seekers, and our brains’ reward systems are wired to seek out new experiences. If we can’t get our thrills from within our relationships, then we’ll seek them without.

Professor Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University has spent a lifetime studying the science of marital satisfaction and has observed that novelty stimulates the transmission of dopamine and norepinephrine - two neurotransmitters that also play a key role in the exhilaration of early romantic love.

According to Aron’s research those couples in long term relationships that make a conscious effort to do exciting things together end up having a higher degree of marital satisfaction than those couples who just do pleasant and familiar things together. In essence, we can tap our brain’s “romantic love” system to stave off relationship boredom.

While many people tend to blame their partners for their relationship boredom, it turns out that those individuals who are bored in their current relationships were often bored in previous relationships.

So relationship boredom may have less to do with the person we’re with than the person we are. That’s why it’s so important to maintain your individuality in your relationship. From your career, to your friends, to maintaining your own personal passions and interests, being part of a strong couple requires being a strong individual.

As we discussed earlier, it’s important to keep things fresh outside the bedroom, but it’s also important to try new things in the bedroom.

At Good in Bed, we’ve found that the majority of people who express being bored in their relationships are also entirely interested in trying something new in the bedroom to combat boredom. Start with sharing a fantasy, and if you need some help jump-starting the excitement check out our book "52 Weeks of Amazing Sex," in which we offer a different creative scenario for every week of the year.

Sure there’s a time and place for “comfort sex,” but, again, marital contentment seems to favor those couples who make an effort to do exciting activities together versus just pleasant activities.

At the end of the day, it's easy to feel like there's nothing new under the sun to possibly talk about with your partner. But when you're feeling this way - nodding and half-listening, with no real interest in how your partner's day went - it’s a good sign that relationship boredom is settling in and that you need to shake things up.

Don’t wait for boredom to develop into a bigger drama, instead start creating a little drama with your partner.

Check out these options for your mediocre marriage from CNN.com.

soundoff (631 Responses)
  1. Seo Marketing California


    May 8, 2021 at 01:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Internet Marketing Help


    May 8, 2021 at 02:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Video Marketing Maker

    I like it when folks come together and share views. Great website, keep it up!


    May 8, 2021 at 13:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Google Marketing Consultant


    May 8, 2021 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. rv orange county ca


    May 8, 2021 at 14:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Seo Marketing Business

    Spot on with this write-up, I honestly believe that this amazing site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the advice!


    May 8, 2021 at 15:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Content Marketing Programs


    May 8, 2021 at 18:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Digital Marketing Reviews

    Your style is really unique compared to other people I have read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I'll just bookmark this web site.


    May 9, 2021 at 00:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Google Marketing Experts


    May 9, 2021 at 05:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. RV Seats Orange County

    It’s hard to find knowledgeable people for this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks


    May 9, 2021 at 06:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Digital Marketing Agencies Near Me


    May 9, 2021 at 10:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Internet Marketing Firm Near Me

    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and engaging, and let me tell you, you've hit the nail on the head. The issue is something that too few people are speaking intelligently about. I'm very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something regarding this.


    May 9, 2021 at 10:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Social Media Marketing Pro


    May 9, 2021 at 13:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Seo Marketing Companies Near Me

    I quite like looking through an article that can make men and women think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!


    May 9, 2021 at 15:52 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Digital Marketing Event Near Me

    Very good post. I'm facing a few of these issues as well..


    May 9, 2021 at 16:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Digital Marketing Job


    May 9, 2021 at 19:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. RV Dashboard California

    I absolutely love your blog.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you develop this web site yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to create my own blog and would love to find out where you got this from or exactly what the theme is called. Appreciate it!


    May 9, 2021 at 21:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Video Marketing Firms


    May 9, 2021 at 21:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Social Media Marketing Teacher

    I really like it whenever people get together and share ideas. Great site, keep it up!


    May 9, 2021 at 23:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Seo Marketing Company Near Me

    I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every bit of it. I have got you book-marked to look at new stuff you post…


    May 10, 2021 at 14:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Content Marketing Event


    May 10, 2021 at 15:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Content Marketing Consultant

    This is the perfect web site for anyone who would like to find out about this topic. You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally would want to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject which has been discussed for years. Great stuff, just wonderful!


    May 10, 2021 at 20:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Digital Marketing Job

    It’s hard to find educated people about this topic, however, you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks


    May 10, 2021 at 21:52 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Google Marketing Agencies

    Everything is very open with a really clear explanation of the issues. It was really informative. Your site is very useful. Thank you for sharing!


    May 10, 2021 at 23:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Digital Marketing Help

    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and interesting, and without a doubt, you've hit the nail on the head. The issue is something too few men and women are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I came across this in my hunt for something relating to this.


    May 10, 2021 at 23:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Seo Marketing California

    This site certainly has all the info I wanted concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.


    May 11, 2021 at 06:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Social Media Marketing La Habra

    I couldn’t refrain from commenting. Very well written!


    May 11, 2021 at 06:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Social Media Marketing Consultant Irvine


    May 11, 2021 at 07:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. Seo Marketing Consultant

    Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thanks, However I am experiencing troubles with your RSS. I don’t know why I cannot join it. Is there anybody else getting identical RSS problems? Anybody who knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanks!!


    May 11, 2021 at 13:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Internet Marketing Events

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site. I'm hoping to see the same high-grade blog posts from you in the future as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal website now 😉


    May 11, 2021 at 13:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Internet Marketing Agencies Near Me

    Right here is the right blog for anyone who would like to find out about this topic. You understand so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really will need to…HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject that has been discussed for decades. Great stuff, just great!


    May 11, 2021 at 13:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Social Media Marketing Consultant


    May 11, 2021 at 16:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Content Marketing Quote


    May 11, 2021 at 18:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. bus body shop


    May 11, 2021 at 20:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. 3.0 Sprinter Vacuum Pump Repair


    May 11, 2021 at 22:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. RV Shower Near Me


    May 11, 2021 at 22:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. clark griswold jerseys

    Hi there i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anyplace,
    when i read this article i thought i could also make comment due to
    this good paragraph.

    May 11, 2021 at 23:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. RV Furniture Los Angeles


    May 12, 2021 at 03:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. auto paint supplies orange county


    May 12, 2021 at 05:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Wheelchair Van Repair Near Me


    May 12, 2021 at 05:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. travel trailers for sale in orange county ca

    You are so interesting! I don't suppose I have read a single thing like that before. So good to find somebody with a few genuine thoughts on this subject matter. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that's needed on the internet, someone with a little originality!


    May 12, 2021 at 08:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. 2016 Sprinter Repair Shops


    May 12, 2021 at 09:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. furniture repair shops near me

    Saved as a favorite, I like your blog!


    May 12, 2021 at 09:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. rv interior remodeling


    May 12, 2021 at 10:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. rv remodel supplies


    May 12, 2021 at 11:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Sprinter Van Repair San Diego


    May 12, 2021 at 12:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. nearest rv store

    I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s equally educative and amusing, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this during my hunt for something relating to this.


    May 12, 2021 at 13:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Approved Sprinter Repair Shops Near Me

    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both equally educative and amusing, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something that too few folks are speaking intelligently about. I'm very happy that I found this in my hunt for something relating to this.


    May 12, 2021 at 14:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. rv interior remodeling

    Howdy, I do think your web site might be having internet browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer, it's got some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Aside from that, excellent website!


    May 12, 2021 at 15:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. wood repair near me

    I really love your blog.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself? Please reply back as I’m hoping to create my own personal blog and would love to find out where you got this from or just what the theme is called. Thanks!


    May 12, 2021 at 16:58 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Post a comment


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.

June 2011
  • An error has occurred, which probably means the feed is down. Try again later.