Dealing with bedroom boredom
June 2nd, 2011
08:12 AM ET

Dealing with bedroom boredom

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

In my experience as a sexuality counselor and founder of GoodinBed.com, roughly 25% of people are significantly bored in their relationships and another 25% are somewhat bored.

Of course it stands to reason that life can’t always be filled with fireworks and that a little bit of boredom every now and then is only to be expected. But what about when a general sense of malaise settles in - when you’re not necessarily unhappy in your relationship, but you’re not particularly excited either?

Relationship boredom may not be dramatic, but it can be dangerous if left unattended.

Boredom is like an attack on a relationship’s immunity system - once weakened we’re all the more susceptible to a cascade of ailments.

For example, it’s estimated that 25% of people who cheat do so due to boredom, and people who are bored in their relationships are also more vulnerable to emotional infidelity as well. Human beings are innate novelty-seekers, and our brains’ reward systems are wired to seek out new experiences. If we can’t get our thrills from within our relationships, then we’ll seek them without.

Professor Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University has spent a lifetime studying the science of marital satisfaction and has observed that novelty stimulates the transmission of dopamine and norepinephrine - two neurotransmitters that also play a key role in the exhilaration of early romantic love.

According to Aron’s research those couples in long term relationships that make a conscious effort to do exciting things together end up having a higher degree of marital satisfaction than those couples who just do pleasant and familiar things together. In essence, we can tap our brain’s “romantic love” system to stave off relationship boredom.

While many people tend to blame their partners for their relationship boredom, it turns out that those individuals who are bored in their current relationships were often bored in previous relationships.

So relationship boredom may have less to do with the person we’re with than the person we are. That’s why it’s so important to maintain your individuality in your relationship. From your career, to your friends, to maintaining your own personal passions and interests, being part of a strong couple requires being a strong individual.

As we discussed earlier, it’s important to keep things fresh outside the bedroom, but it’s also important to try new things in the bedroom.

At Good in Bed, we’ve found that the majority of people who express being bored in their relationships are also entirely interested in trying something new in the bedroom to combat boredom. Start with sharing a fantasy, and if you need some help jump-starting the excitement check out our book "52 Weeks of Amazing Sex," in which we offer a different creative scenario for every week of the year.

Sure there’s a time and place for “comfort sex,” but, again, marital contentment seems to favor those couples who make an effort to do exciting activities together versus just pleasant activities.

At the end of the day, it's easy to feel like there's nothing new under the sun to possibly talk about with your partner. But when you're feeling this way - nodding and half-listening, with no real interest in how your partner's day went - it’s a good sign that relationship boredom is settling in and that you need to shake things up.

Don’t wait for boredom to develop into a bigger drama, instead start creating a little drama with your partner.

Check out these options for your mediocre marriage from CNN.com.

soundoff (631 Responses)
  1. RV Awning Repair Near Me

    I was pretty pleased to find this great site. I want to to thank you for your time for this wonderful read!! I definitely savored every part of it and i also have you book-marked to check out new stuff in your site.


    June 25, 2021 at 11:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. RV And Camper Repair Near Me

    This website was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Thanks a lot!


    June 25, 2021 at 14:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. RV Service And Repair Near Me

    This is a topic that's near to my heart... Many thanks! Exactly where are your contact details though?


    June 25, 2021 at 14:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. RV Water Repair Man Near Me

    Great article! We will be linking to this great content on our website. Keep up the good writing.


    June 25, 2021 at 15:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. RV Fridge Repair Near Me

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this article plus the rest of the website is also really good.


    June 25, 2021 at 17:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. RV And Camper Repair Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 19:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Joaquina Ratajczak


    June 25, 2021 at 19:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. RV Trailer Repair Near Me

    I was able to find good advice from your blog posts.


    June 25, 2021 at 21:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. RV Service And Repair Near Me

    Aw, this was a very nice post. Taking a few minutes and actual effort to create a really good articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I hesitate a lot and don't seem to get nearly anything done.


    June 25, 2021 at 21:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Camper RV Repair Near Me

    Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post! It's the little changes that will make the largest changes. Thanks for sharing!


    June 26, 2021 at 03:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. RV Repair Service Near Me

    An intriguing discussion is worth comment. There's no doubt that that you should publish more about this subject, it may not be a taboo matter but generally people do not speak about such issues. To the next! Best wishes!!


    June 26, 2021 at 05:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. RV Repair Centers Near Me

    Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular post! It's the little changes which will make the largest changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!


    June 26, 2021 at 06:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. RV Repair Places Near Me

    I blog often and I really appreciate your information. This great article has truly peaked my interest. I will book mark your blog and keep checking for new information about once per week. I opted in for your Feed too.


    June 26, 2021 at 08:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Augustus Relford

    Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Many thanks, However I am experiencing troubles with your RSS. I donít know why I am unable to join it. Is there anyone else getting similar RSS problems? Anyone who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanks!!


    June 26, 2021 at 09:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. RV Generator Repair Near Me


    June 26, 2021 at 09:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. RV Windshield Repair Near Me


    June 26, 2021 at 10:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. rogan podcast


    June 26, 2021 at 18:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership

    Hi, I do think your blog could be having internet browser compatibility issues. Whenever I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine however when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping issues. I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Apart from that, wonderful site!


    June 26, 2021 at 18:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Servant Leadership Principles


    June 26, 2021 at 20:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Women In Leadership

    There is certainly a lot to find out about this subject. I like all of the points you've made.


    June 26, 2021 at 21:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. podcast distribution

    I need to to thank you for this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it. I have you book-marked to look at new stuff you postÖ


    June 26, 2021 at 21:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. podcast google

    A motivating discussion is worth comment. There's no doubt that that you ought to write more about this subject, it may not be a taboo matter but generally people do not speak about these topics. To the next! Many thanks!!


    June 26, 2021 at 22:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. anchor podcast

    This is a topic that's near to my heart... Take care! Exactly where are your contact details though?


    June 26, 2021 at 22:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. justice and drew podcast

    I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this website. I'm hoping to view the same high-grade blog posts from you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own site now 😉


    June 26, 2021 at 23:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Congressional Leadership Fund

    Great post. I am facing some of these issues as well..


    June 27, 2021 at 02:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Leadership And Management


    June 27, 2021 at 10:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Nigerian Newspapers Leadership


    June 27, 2021 at 12:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. E 150 Van Power Window Repair

    May I simply just say what a comfort to uncover somebody that actually understands what they're talking about on the net. You definitely realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. A lot more people need to read this and understand this side of your story. It's surprising you aren't more popular because you certainly possess the gift.


    June 27, 2021 at 15:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. RV Repair Huntington Beach

    This website was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Thanks a lot!


    June 27, 2021 at 17:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Sprinter Repair Orange County


    June 27, 2021 at 21:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Travel Van Repair Shop


    June 27, 2021 at 23:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. trang casino

    Prime 5 Trang Net Tỷ Lệ Kèo Bóng Đá Tốt Nhất 2021Biến Động Tỷ Lệ Kèo Nhà Cái Thụy Điển Vs Ba Lan Hôm Nay 23 vietnam casinoHai trận đấu của lượt cuối mỗi bảng bắt buộc phải thi đấu cùng giờ. Kết thúc vòng bảng, đội nhất, nhì các bảng và 4 đội xếp thứ ba có thành tích tốt nhất sẽ giành quyền vào vòng sixteen đội.


    June 28, 2021 at 03:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. RV Repair


    June 28, 2021 at 03:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. RV Repair Shops Near My Location

    I needed to thank you for this very good read!! I certainly enjoyed every little bit of it. I have you bookmarked to look at new stuff you postÖ


    June 28, 2021 at 04:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa

    You have made some good points there. I checked on the net to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.


    June 28, 2021 at 05:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Sprinter Repair Shops Near Me

    I was able to find good information from your articles.


    June 28, 2021 at 11:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Camper Repair Shop Near Me

    Having read this I thought it was extremely enlightening. I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this content together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!


    June 28, 2021 at 13:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Mercedes Sprinter Refrigerater Repair


    June 28, 2021 at 21:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Repair 2005 Sprinter Ecm

    This is a good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere. Brief but very precise infoÖ Thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!


    June 28, 2021 at 22:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Handicap Van Repair Shop

    Very good article! We are linking to this great content on our site. Keep up the great writing.


    June 28, 2021 at 23:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Repair San Clemente California

    Itís nearly impossible to find educated people on this subject, however, you seem like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks


    June 29, 2021 at 00:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Camper Repairs Near Me


    June 29, 2021 at 01:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. 2006 Sprinter 3500 Repair Near Me

    Hello! I just want to offer you a huge thumbs up for the excellent information you have here on this post. I'll be returning to your website for more soon.


    June 29, 2021 at 03:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. RV Repair Orange County


    June 29, 2021 at 06:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Repair Orange County California


    June 29, 2021 at 06:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. RV Repair Shops Near Me

    You've made some really good points there. I checked on the web for additional information about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.


    June 29, 2021 at 07:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa


    June 29, 2021 at 08:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Dodge Van Frame Repair Kit


    June 29, 2021 at 09:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Camper Repair Shop Near Me

    Greetings! Very useful advice within this article! It's the little changes that produce the most important changes. Thanks for sharing!


    June 29, 2021 at 11:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. RV Repair Seal Beach


    June 29, 2021 at 14:24 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Post a comment


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.

June 2011
  • An error has occurred, which probably means the feed is down. Try again later.