Dealing with bedroom boredom
June 2nd, 2011
08:12 AM ET

Dealing with bedroom boredom

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

In my experience as a sexuality counselor and founder of GoodinBed.com, roughly 25% of people are significantly bored in their relationships and another 25% are somewhat bored.

Of course it stands to reason that life can’t always be filled with fireworks and that a little bit of boredom every now and then is only to be expected. But what about when a general sense of malaise settles in - when you’re not necessarily unhappy in your relationship, but you’re not particularly excited either?

Relationship boredom may not be dramatic, but it can be dangerous if left unattended.

Boredom is like an attack on a relationship’s immunity system - once weakened we’re all the more susceptible to a cascade of ailments.

For example, it’s estimated that 25% of people who cheat do so due to boredom, and people who are bored in their relationships are also more vulnerable to emotional infidelity as well. Human beings are innate novelty-seekers, and our brains’ reward systems are wired to seek out new experiences. If we can’t get our thrills from within our relationships, then we’ll seek them without.

Professor Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University has spent a lifetime studying the science of marital satisfaction and has observed that novelty stimulates the transmission of dopamine and norepinephrine - two neurotransmitters that also play a key role in the exhilaration of early romantic love.

According to Aron’s research those couples in long term relationships that make a conscious effort to do exciting things together end up having a higher degree of marital satisfaction than those couples who just do pleasant and familiar things together. In essence, we can tap our brain’s “romantic love” system to stave off relationship boredom.

While many people tend to blame their partners for their relationship boredom, it turns out that those individuals who are bored in their current relationships were often bored in previous relationships.

So relationship boredom may have less to do with the person we’re with than the person we are. That’s why it’s so important to maintain your individuality in your relationship. From your career, to your friends, to maintaining your own personal passions and interests, being part of a strong couple requires being a strong individual.

As we discussed earlier, it’s important to keep things fresh outside the bedroom, but it’s also important to try new things in the bedroom.

At Good in Bed, we’ve found that the majority of people who express being bored in their relationships are also entirely interested in trying something new in the bedroom to combat boredom. Start with sharing a fantasy, and if you need some help jump-starting the excitement check out our book "52 Weeks of Amazing Sex," in which we offer a different creative scenario for every week of the year.

Sure there’s a time and place for “comfort sex,” but, again, marital contentment seems to favor those couples who make an effort to do exciting activities together versus just pleasant activities.

At the end of the day, it's easy to feel like there's nothing new under the sun to possibly talk about with your partner. But when you're feeling this way - nodding and half-listening, with no real interest in how your partner's day went - it’s a good sign that relationship boredom is settling in and that you need to shake things up.

Don’t wait for boredom to develop into a bigger drama, instead start creating a little drama with your partner.

Check out these options for your mediocre marriage from CNN.com.

soundoff (631 Responses)
  1. Internet Marketing Firm

    I need to to thank you for this very good read!! I certainly enjoyed every bit of it. I've got you book marked to check out new things you postÖ


    June 22, 2021 at 17:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. RV Roof Repair Near Me


    June 22, 2021 at 19:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. RV Repair Shops Near Me


    June 22, 2021 at 20:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Internet Marketing Agencies

    Right here is the right web site for anybody who wishes to find out about this topic. You understand a whole lot its almost tough to argue with you (not that I personally will need toÖHaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a subject that's been written about for decades. Great stuff, just excellent!


    June 22, 2021 at 20:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Internet Marketing Agencies

    Hi there! This article couldnít be written any better! Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I'll forward this article to him. Fairly certain he'll have a great read. Many thanks for sharing!


    June 22, 2021 at 22:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. RV Repair Center Near Me

    Pretty! This has been a really wonderful post. Thank you for providing this information.


    June 23, 2021 at 00:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. RV Repair Near Here

    Very good article. I am dealing with some of these issues as well..


    June 23, 2021 at 00:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. RV And Camper Repair Near Me


    June 23, 2021 at 02:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Content Marketing Companies


    June 23, 2021 at 04:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. RV Repair And Service Near Me

    I could not refrain from commenting. Exceptionally well written!


    June 23, 2021 at 05:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. RV Glass Repair Near Me

    I'd like to thank you for the efforts you've put in penning this blog. I really hope to see the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my very own site now 😉


    June 23, 2021 at 05:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Google Marketing Business


    June 23, 2021 at 06:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. SEO Marketing Consultant


    June 23, 2021 at 07:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Internet Marketing Agencies Near Me

    This is the right website for anybody who really wants to find out about this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I really would want toÖHaHa). You certainly put a fresh spin on a subject which has been written about for ages. Excellent stuff, just wonderful!


    June 23, 2021 at 09:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Digital Marketing Service

    Iím amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog thatís both equally educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you've hit the nail on the head. The problem is an issue that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. Now i'm very happy that I came across this in my hunt for something relating to this.


    June 23, 2021 at 11:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Social Media Marketing Agency Around Me


    June 23, 2021 at 11:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Video Marketing Consultant

    Hi! I just wish to offer you a huge thumbs up for your great info you have right here on this post. I will be coming back to your web site for more soon.


    June 23, 2021 at 12:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. nail salons near me

    This web site definitely has all the info I wanted about this subject and didnít know who to ask.


    June 23, 2021 at 12:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. RV Trailer Repair Near Me

    When I initially commented I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on each time a comment is added I receive 4 emails with the same comment. There has to be a way you are able to remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!


    June 23, 2021 at 14:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. RV And Truck Repair Near Me

    Right here is the perfect website for anybody who wants to find out about this topic. You know so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually will need toÖHaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a topic that has been discussed for years. Wonderful stuff, just great!


    June 23, 2021 at 15:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. RV Collision Repair Near Me


    June 23, 2021 at 17:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Content Marketing Company


    June 23, 2021 at 17:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Social Media Marketing Specialist Near Me


    June 23, 2021 at 18:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. RV Appliance Repair Near Me


    June 23, 2021 at 18:52 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Social Media Marketing Firms Near Me


    June 23, 2021 at 19:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. RV Exhaust Repair Near Me


    June 23, 2021 at 21:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. protests near me

    Good article. I am dealing with some of these issues as well..


    June 23, 2021 at 22:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Best RV Repair Shop Near Me

    You need to take part in a contest for one of the best websites online. I most certainly will highly recommend this blog!


    June 24, 2021 at 00:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. Google Marketing Specialist


    June 24, 2021 at 00:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Local Marketing Firm

    Hello there! I could have sworn Iíve been to this site before but after going through many of the articles I realized itís new to me. Nonetheless, Iím definitely happy I came across it and Iíll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!


    June 24, 2021 at 02:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. RV Appliance Repair Near Me

    Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Taking the time and actual effort to produce a superb articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I procrastinate a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.


    June 24, 2021 at 03:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Digital Marketing Consultant

    Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely think this web site needs a great deal more attention. Iíll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the info!


    June 24, 2021 at 03:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Content Marketing Services

    Spot on with this write-up, I seriously feel this website needs a great deal more attention. Iíll probably be back again to read through more, thanks for the advice!


    June 24, 2021 at 04:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. RV Window Repair Near Me

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and also the rest of the website is extremely good.


    June 24, 2021 at 05:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Video Marketing Companies Near Me

    Saved as a favorite, I like your web site!


    June 24, 2021 at 06:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Internet Marketing Specialists


    June 24, 2021 at 07:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Google Marketing Company

    May I simply just say what a comfort to discover somebody that really understands what they're discussing on the web. You actually know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people need to look at this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you are not more popular because you surely possess the gift.


    June 24, 2021 at 08:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. RV Body Repair Shops Near Me


    June 24, 2021 at 11:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. RV Plumbing Repair Near Me

    I'm extremely pleased to find this site. I need to to thank you for your time just for this fantastic read!! I definitely really liked every bit of it and I have you book marked to see new things in your site.


    June 24, 2021 at 11:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. RV Repair Shops Near My Location

    bookmarked!!, I like your site!


    June 24, 2021 at 15:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Repair Huntington Beach


    June 24, 2021 at 15:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. RV Repair


    June 24, 2021 at 17:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Camper Repair Shop Near Me

    An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who had been conducting a little homework on this. And he actually ordered me breakfast simply because I discovered it for him... lol. So allow me to reword this.... Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to talk about this topic here on your website.


    June 24, 2021 at 19:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. RV Fiberglass Repair Near Me


    June 24, 2021 at 19:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Windshield Repair Near Me


    June 24, 2021 at 23:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. RV Water Repair Man Near Me

    Hi, I do think this is a great website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to come back yet again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.


    June 24, 2021 at 23:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. RV Service Repair Near Me

    I blog often and I really thank you for your information. This great article has really peaked my interest. I'm going to take a note of your website and keep checking for new details about once per week. I opted in for your RSS feed as well.


    June 25, 2021 at 01:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. RV Mobile Repair Near Me

    This is the perfect website for everyone who really wants to find out about this topic. You understand so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I really will need toÖHaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a subject that's been written about for ages. Excellent stuff, just excellent!


    June 25, 2021 at 02:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Best RV Repair Shop Near Me


    June 25, 2021 at 05:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. RV Repair California

    Greetings, I believe your site may be having browser compatibility problems. Whenever I take a look at your web site in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in I.E., it's got some overlapping issues. I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Other than that, great site!


    June 25, 2021 at 11:15 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Leave a Reply to RV Glass Repair Near Me


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.

June 2011
  • An error has occurred, which probably means the feed is down. Try again later.