 |
|
|
|
May 19th, 2011
10:56 AM ET
Are you willing to negotiate monogamy?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
With the demise of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s 25-year marriage making headlines, it’s hard not to wonder if long-term monogamy is possible or even practical. As a sex therapist, not a day goes by that I don’t see people who are stuck, feeling as if they have to give up on their marriage, or give up on sex - or cheat. My patients have taught me that sex - or a lack of it - is one of the major contributors to marital strife between longtime couples. Such an approach may seem to fly in the face of the concept of marriage - I don’t blame you for raising your eyebrows or shaking your head at the suggestion. But hear me out. We live in an age when we’re surrounded by countless arguments (or maybe just excuses) against monogamy: Men have a biological imperative to spread their seed and have always cheated (“boys will be boys”); humans are wired for serial monogamy, not one lifelong relationship; long-term relationships beget boredom; people are living longer and longer but half of all marriages fail… Whew. When you consider what we’re up against, it may not be such a bad idea to give negotiated monogamy a chance before we dismiss it outright as a violation of the sanctity of marriage. In my own practice, I often raise the option of negotiated monogamy with couples who have worked their way into permanently sexless marriages, or who feel starved for sex - but not with each other. The very concept of negotiated monogamy is a provocative and useful way for these couples to talk about sex and marriage, even if they choose not to practice it. As with most issues, it’s better to talk about something and understand each other’s boundaries than to guess or cheat or commit to life of silent desperation. And you know what? It turns out that once couples start talking about what they would or wouldn’t allow - strippers, lap dances, flirty friendships, free passes, oral sex with other people, swinging, open relationships - they often tend to get turned on and end up going home and having sex with each other. After all, the brain is the biggest of sex organ and, as I discussed in last week’s column about fantasies, even just talking about sex can get people interested in actually having sex. So remember: Taking a marriage vow does not mean taking a vow of silence. If anything, being married should give you a level of trust where you feel like you can talk about anything. And if you actually want to try negotiated monogamy and your partner doesn’t (or vice versa)? Well, at least you’re having an adult conversation instead of acting like children - or former governors. soundoff (2,204 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 Next »Leave a Reply to Arne Jacobsen Aj Lamp
« Previous entryOn HIV Vaccine Awareness Day, the search continues
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
When you take your marriage vows, you’re pretty much making the commitment to never have sex with anyone else ever again. Wow - just writing that is scary.
Howdy I am so glad I found your web site, I really found you by
mistake, while I was looking on Askjeeve for something else, Anyways I am here now and would just like to
say many thanks for a tremendous post and a all round enjoyable blog (I also
love the theme/design), I don’t have time to look over it
all at the minute but I have saved it and also added your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be
back to read more, Please do keep up the great b.
You are so interesting! I do not suppose I've truly read a single thing like
this before. So wonderful to discover someone with a few unique thoughts on this issue.
Really.. thanks for starting this up. This website is
something that is needed on the web, someone with a bit of originality!
My developer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP.
I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses.
But he's tryiong none the less. I've been using WordPress on a variety of websites
for about a year and am concerned about switching to another platform.
I have heard great things about blogengine.net.
Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into
it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!
Unquestionably imagine that which you stated.
Your favorite reason seemed to be at the web the easiest thing to bear in mind of.
I say to you, I certainly get annoyed whilst people consider worries that they plainly do not realize
about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and outlined out the whole thing with no need
side-effects , folks can take a signal. Will probably
be back to get more. Thank you
Thanks for some other informative web site.
Where else may just I am getting that kind of information written in such
an ideal means? I've a undertaking that I'm just now running on,
and I've been at the glance out for such information.
Having read this I believed it was really informative.
I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this information together.
I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and posting comments.
But so what, it was still worth it!
bremelanotide vs alprostadil https://alprostadildrugs.com/ erection injection medicine
http://bookmarkextent.com/story9534321/the-main-article-on-gambling-in-the-usa
What an incredible way of looking at things.
https://www.laweekly.com/5-best-cbd-oil-companies-to-buy-from-in-2019/
Every weekend i used to visit this website, as i wish for enjoyment, as this
this website conations genuinely nice funny material too.
Excellent site you have got here.. It's difficult
to find good quality writing like yours nowadays. I really
appreciate people like you! Take care!!
When I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added-
checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get
four emails with the exact same comment. Perhaps there is
a way you can remove me from that service? Kudos!
I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this website. I'm hoping to check out the same high-grade content from you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my very own blog now 😉
http://www.filedropper.com/tipsforchoosingacasinoaagsr
You actually make it seem really easy along with your presentation however I in finding
this topic to be really one thing which I believe I'd by no means understand.
It sort of feels too complicated and very broad for me.
I am taking a look ahead to your subsequent put up, I'll
try to get the cling of it!
Have a look at my blog :: women shoes
What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable know-how
about unexpected feelings.
Good day! I could have sworn I've been to this web site before
but after going through many of the posts I realized it's new
to me. Anyhow, I'm certainly delighted I found it
and I'll be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!
sildenafil 100 mg lowest price https://eunicesildenafilcitrate.com/ sildenafil 50 mg online uk
Please let me know if you're looking for a author for your site.
You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good asset.
If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd really like to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
Please send me an e-mail if interested. Kudos!
average perscription pills taken by 65 year old canadian? https://canadapillstorex.com/ average perscription pills taken by 65 year old canadian?
I know this site presents quality based posts and additional material, is there any other web page which presents
such stuff in quality?
Hello I am so delighted I found your weblog, I really found you by accident,
while I was researching on Aol for something else, Anyhow I am
here now and would just like to say cheers for a remarkable post and a all round
enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design),
I don't have time to read through it all at the moment but I have
book-marked it and also added your RSS feeds, so when I
have time I will be back to read a lot more,
Please do keep up the superb job.
Right now it seems like Movable Type is the best blogging platform available right now.
(from what I've read) Is that what you are using on your
blog?
Right now it seems like BlogEngine is the best blogging platform available right now.
(from what I've read) Is that what you are using on your blog?
Hi there, I enjoy reading through your article. I wanted
to write a little comment to support you.
https://getpocket.com/@linenskate03
I used to be suggested this web site by means of my cousin. I am no longer
sure whether or not this post is written through him as no one else know such certain approximately
my problem. You're incredible! Thank you!
I really like it whenever people get together and share opinions.
Great website, stick with it!
Great article! We will be linking to this particularly great content on our site. Keep up the good writing.
http://www.ahbbs.cc/home.php?mod=space&uid=450303
I think this is one of the most significant information for me.
And i'm glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general
things, The site style is ideal, the articles is really great : D.
Good job, cheers
I'm really enjoying the design and layout of
your website. It's a very easy on the eyes which makes
it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a
designer to create your theme? Great work!
erectile tools https://plaquenilx.com/ improve erectile dysfunction
Thank you for the good writeup. It in truth used to be a
leisure account it. Look advanced to far delivered
agreeable from you! By the way, how can we be in contact?
I like this web blog very much, Its a real nice place to read and incur information.
https://dreamproxies.com/tag/cheap-proxies-best-private-proxies/
When someone writes an post he/she keeps the plan of a user in his/her mind that how a user can know it.
Therefore that's why this post is amazing. Thanks!
Hi, I log on to your blog regularly. Your story-telling style is
awesome, keep it up!
Greetings! Very useful advice within this article! It is the little changes which
will make the most important changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!
Generally I do not learn article on blogs, however I
would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to check out and do so!
Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, quite great post.
What's up, after reading this remarkable paragraph i am too delighted to share my knowledge here with
mates.
I know this web site provides quality based content
and extra material, is there any other web page which provides these things in quality?
new york erectile dysfunction https://canadaerectiledysfunctionpills.com/ erectile dysfunction when quitting drinking
do erectile pills work https://plaquenilx.com/ icd 10 erectile dysfunction
I enjoy what you guys tend to be up too. This kind of
clever work and coverage! Keep up the great works guys I've you guys to my own blogroll.
This blog was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something that helped me. Thanks a lot!
https://readsharewrite.com/members/baccarat9margineditor43/activity/114409/
That is a great tip especially to those new to the blogosphere.
Brief but very precise info… Thank you for sharing this one.
A must read article!
When I initially commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Many thanks!
https://judahdilmn.ltfblog.com/2617804/jersey-sepeda-murah-bandung-kirim-dari-bandung-pesan-sekarang-via-wa-081388885251
Can you tell us more about this? I'd love to find
out more details.
Howdy, There's no doubt that your website might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I take a look at your blog in Safari, it looks
fine however when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping
issues. I simply wanted to provide you with a quick heads up!
Other than that, great site!
I was recommended this web site by my cousin. I'm not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem.
You're incredible! Thanks!
I every time used to read piece of writing in news papers but now as I am a user
of web therefore from now I am using net for posts, thanks to web.
Hi would you mind sharing which blog platform you're using?
I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs
and I'm looking for something unique. P.S Sorry for
getting off-topic but I had to ask!