![]() |
|
![]()
May 19th, 2011
10:56 AM ET
Are you willing to negotiate monogamy?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
With the demise of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s 25-year marriage making headlines, it’s hard not to wonder if long-term monogamy is possible or even practical. As a sex therapist, not a day goes by that I don’t see people who are stuck, feeling as if they have to give up on their marriage, or give up on sex - or cheat. My patients have taught me that sex - or a lack of it - is one of the major contributors to marital strife between longtime couples. Such an approach may seem to fly in the face of the concept of marriage - I don’t blame you for raising your eyebrows or shaking your head at the suggestion. But hear me out. We live in an age when we’re surrounded by countless arguments (or maybe just excuses) against monogamy: Men have a biological imperative to spread their seed and have always cheated (“boys will be boys”); humans are wired for serial monogamy, not one lifelong relationship; long-term relationships beget boredom; people are living longer and longer but half of all marriages fail… Whew. When you consider what we’re up against, it may not be such a bad idea to give negotiated monogamy a chance before we dismiss it outright as a violation of the sanctity of marriage. In my own practice, I often raise the option of negotiated monogamy with couples who have worked their way into permanently sexless marriages, or who feel starved for sex - but not with each other. The very concept of negotiated monogamy is a provocative and useful way for these couples to talk about sex and marriage, even if they choose not to practice it. As with most issues, it’s better to talk about something and understand each other’s boundaries than to guess or cheat or commit to life of silent desperation. And you know what? It turns out that once couples start talking about what they would or wouldn’t allow - strippers, lap dances, flirty friendships, free passes, oral sex with other people, swinging, open relationships - they often tend to get turned on and end up going home and having sex with each other. After all, the brain is the biggest of sex organ and, as I discussed in last week’s column about fantasies, even just talking about sex can get people interested in actually having sex. So remember: Taking a marriage vow does not mean taking a vow of silence. If anything, being married should give you a level of trust where you feel like you can talk about anything. And if you actually want to try negotiated monogamy and your partner doesn’t (or vice versa)? Well, at least you’re having an adult conversation instead of acting like children - or former governors. |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love. |
|
Hmm it seems like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I'll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I'm still new to everything. Do you have any tips for newbie blog writers? I'd definitely appreciate it.
https://perlamoda.tumblr.com/post/641799466223058944/licensed-plumbers-stafford-va
https://checkpointforarts.com/members/dancewire07/activity/209586/
http://jfkdebate.com/forum/index.php?p=/profile/cameraocelot03
I am actually glad to read this webpage posts which includes lots of valuable facts, thanks for providing these data.
My blog post: hormone levels
https://all4webs.com/sizetyvek8/crdqmolnjd464.htm
I enjoy reading an article that will make people think. Also, thank you for allowing for me to comment!
https://app.box.com/s/6q8uwcbgmleb52s90cs9jyntz9oaz169
http://pandora.nla.gov.au/external.html?link=https://babieslyre0.over-blog.com/2021/02/a-comparison-between-gambling-and-horse-racing.html
Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all of us you actually understand what you are speaking about! Bookmarked. Kindly also talk over with my site =). We may have a hyperlink alternate arrangement between us!
https://marvelous-mun-dee.tumblr.com/
Way too many blog writers nowadays however only a few have articles worth spending time on browsing.
https://www.sfweekly.com/uncategorized/best-cbd-oil-near-me-buy-cbd-oil-online/
http://www.rivegauche.ru/content/betting-spectacular-check-out-history-las-vegas-slot-machines
691869 411264You got a extremely great internet site, Sword lily I observed it by means of yahoo. 126579
Greetings from Los angeles! I'm bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the knowledge you present here and can't wait to take a look when I get home. I'm surprised at how quick your blog loaded on my phone .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, amazing blog!
https://bonuslikes.com/product-tag/100000-instagram-views-cheap-price/
Woah! I'm really loving the template/theme of this site. It's simple, yet effective. A lot of times it's very hard to get that "perfect balance" between user friendliness and visual appeal. I must say that you've done a superb job with this. Also, the blog loads extremely quick for me on Chrome. Exceptional Blog!
https://bonuslikes.com/tag/buy-youtube-subscribers/
I feel that is among the most vital info for me. And i'm happy studying your article. However should commentary on few common issues, The site taste is wonderful, the articles is actually nice : D. Just right activity, cheers
http://www.payshope.com
https://acquisitionclassroomforum.com/index.php?action=profile;area=forumprofile;u=31271
Right here is the right blog for anybody who wants to understand this topic. You understand so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually will need toÖHaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a topic that has been discussed for ages. Excellent stuff, just wonderful!
https://articlescad.com/different-types-of-gambling-items-that-can-be-found-at-a-casino-554578.html
Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren't loading properly. I'm not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I've tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same results.
https://Bonuslikes.com
The crux of your writing while appearing reasonable at first, did not really work very well with me personally after some time. Someplace within the paragraphs you were able to make me a believer but only for a while. I still have a problem with your jumps in assumptions and one would do nicely to fill in all those gaps. In the event that you can accomplish that, I will undoubtedly end up being fascinated.
https://BONUSLIKES.COM
Just bookmarked this post as I have found it fairly useful.
https://www.sfweekly.com/uncategorized/best-cbd-oil-for-dogs-in-2019-cbd-oil-for-pets-reviews/