home
RSS
Who are you fantasizing about during sex?
May 12th, 2011
08:01 AM ET

Who are you fantasizing about during sex?

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Tell the truth (or rather, think the truth): have you ever fantasized during sex about someone other than the person you’re actually having sex with? Perhaps there’s a particular celebrity that turns you on, or a former flame, or even (heaven forbid) a brother or sister-in-law?

Do taboo thoughts make their way into your most intimate real-life moments? If so, take a deep breath and relax. You’re not alone, in fact you’re probably in the majority. In one study published by The Journal of Sex Research, 98% of partnered men and 80% of partnered women said that they had fantasized about someone other than their partner during sex in the previous two months. Whew!

CNNHealth's sex expert blogger Ian Kerner stops by to talk about the rise in women using porn on HLN's The Joy Behar Show, Thursday, 9 p.m. ET

The truth is, a healthy fantasy life is one of the keys to a great sex life - even when your partner might not always play the leading role. Most people find that they are most sexually satisfied when they are intimate with one person with whom they feel completely comfortable.

Along with this intimacy comes the freedom to let go and explore, including fantasizing about other people, places, and situations. In one study on sexual fantasy by noted expert Dr. Harold Leitenberg it was concluded that sexual fantasies occur most often in people with the highest sexual satisfaction and the healthiest sex lives. So your fantasies aren’t an indication that something is wrong, but rather that something is right.

Fantasies play a valuable role in our sex-lives. First off, they fuel arousal: “Thoughts can create real physical changes in your body, and you can use this to your advantage,” writes sex educator Emily Nagoski in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms. “This is why people fantasize even while they’re having sex - the added juice of the fantasy heightens arousal when the physical sensations aren’t enough to get us where we want to go.”

Fantasies also free the brain to explore secret, extraordinary realms without the obligations of everyday life. Kaye Wellings, a respected British biologist, puts it best in her book, "First Love, First Sex:"

“Fantasies perform a valuable function. Most of us, most of the time, behave conservatively, sexually and otherwise. Our erotic experiences represent only the tip of the iceberg in terms of possibilities. Many possibilities only see the light of day through fantasies or dreams, seldom as reality.”

And says Good in Bed expert Ann Potter, “I like to imagine that fantasizing is like putting training wheels on my desires - those desires that are maybe a little too 'out there' for me or my partner to get on board with acting out right away, or ever.”

And when it comes to fantasies, adults do just fine with a permanent set of training wheels, and needn’t bother with graduating to a two-wheeler. The brain is the biggest sex organ and a little fantasizing goes a long way.

So rather than resist your fantasies, let yourself enjoy them. Trying to suppress fantasies may end up doing more harm than good. In the mid-1980s, Dr. Daniel Wegner at the University of Virginia studied the menchanics of thought-suppression in an experiment known as the “white bear study.” Wegner sat people in a room with a tape recorder and told them to say whatever came to mind,  with one exception: Don’t think about a white bear. No surprise, people mentioned the bear constantly. The more they tried not to think about it, the more they mentioned it.

By suppressing a forbidden thought the brain never gets a chance to fully process that thought, and what could just be an innocent fantasy suddenly becomes a guilt-laden white bear that won’t go away.  Most of the time it’s not our fantasies that are the problem, but rather our reactions to our fantasies - the feelings of shame and guilt, as well as our anxieties and fears about what those fantasies might really mean.

But fantasies are meant to be enjoyed and if they weren’t taboo, well then they wouldn’t be fantasies to begin with.


soundoff (1,789 Responses)
  1. Edmond Kicklighter

    Social network traffic Facebook likes Twitter Followers Instagram Followers and much more

    https://bit.ly/3iOPatX

    January 26, 2021 at 21:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Myrtle Blicker

    Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, subscribers? Our Company provide SMM Services that means (Social Media Marketing) that is directly using social network websites such as Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn to promote a website. High Quality Services / Our prices are the cheapest in the market, starting at $0.01 / 24/7 Support / API Support for panel leaders / Best prices

    https://bit.ly/3iYGuRO

    January 27, 2021 at 00:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. 먹튀검증사이트

    https://championsleage.review/wiki/On_the_internet_Casinos_Has_a_Online_casino_House_Edge_What_Keeps_Them_all_in_Business

    January 27, 2021 at 02:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. báo thể thao 247

    Throughout this great design of things you'll secure an A for effort. Where you actually confused everybody ended up being on all the particulars. You know, people say, the devil is in the details... And that could not be more true at this point. Having said that, allow me say to you what exactly did do the job. Your authoring can be extremely persuasive which is possibly why I am taking the effort in order to opine. I do not really make it a regular habit of doing that. 2nd, although I can see the jumps in reasoning you come up with, I am not really convinced of how you appear to connect your points which inturn help to make the actual conclusion. For right now I will yield to your point but hope in the near future you connect the facts much better.

    http://www.good-tutorials.com/users/linkw88moinhat

    January 27, 2021 at 10:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Alfonso Sumerix

    Thanks for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research on this. We got a grab a book from our area library but I think I learned more clear from this post. I'm very glad to see such fantastic info being shared freely out there.

    http://images.google.com/url?q=https://vaoloto188.com/

    January 27, 2021 at 11:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Rob Mccollester

    Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, subscribers? Our Company provide SMM Services that means (Social Media Marketing) that is directly using social network websites such as Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn to promote a website. High Quality Services / Our prices are the cheapest in the market, starting at $0.01 / 24/7 Support / API Support for panel leaders / Best prices

    https://bit.ly/2Hnl7vE

    January 27, 2021 at 16:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. 토토사이트

    This blog was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me. Thanks!

    http://oshobr.grodno.by/user/f0jeorn245

    January 27, 2021 at 18:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. 먹튀검증

    http://bezvoprosa.ru/index.php?qa=user&qa_1=grassclam55

    January 27, 2021 at 20:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. 출장마사지

    A motivating discussion is worth comment. I do believe that you should write more about this topic, it might not be a taboo matter but usually people don't talk about such issues. To the next! Best wishes!!

    http://khotyn.rayon.cv.ua/user/t6ljoes952

    January 28, 2021 at 05:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Chirp as seen on tv

    Hello.This post was really interesting, especially because I was investigating for thoughts on this issue last Monday.

    https://t.co/tkC06COIOW?amp=1

    January 28, 2021 at 09:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. 출장

    http://cm.kitap-palatasy.kz/user/l2tzlyp827

    January 28, 2021 at 15:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Marcelina Kar

    Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I'm kinda paranoid about losing everything I've worked hard on. Any suggestions?

    https://extraproxies.com/buy-proxies/100-proxy-pack

    January 28, 2021 at 19:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Jeffery Stroman

    Normally I do not learn post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thank you, quite nice article.

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 28, 2021 at 22:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Yolande Ashbourne

    Did you understand these facts on CBD OIL and Full Spectrum CBD Hemp Oil? Cannabinoids are separated from hemp utilizing supercritical CO2 extraction. Thanks to modern-day innovation, the resulting solution is tidy, devoid of unnecessary waxes and heavy metals, naturally present in the plant, and the sucked liquid has a normal, oily consistency. CBD oil includes cannabidiol as a base active ingredient and may contain only trace amounts of tetrahydroxycannabidiol (THC). It is recommended by physicians and pharmacists as an antioxidant and compound that blocks the action of proinflammatory cytokines (proteins), e.g. in Crohn's disease or ulcerative intestine. RSO oil has a low CBD material, while high THC. Naturally, the key job of RSO is to trigger a psychoactive impact, although it can likewise stimulate "ill" brain structures. It deserves understanding that supplements of this type is primarily used by individuals to whom standard therapy does not bring relief in illness. The synergistic (enhancing) action of CBD and THC relative to each other is utilized here. Both cannabinoids can do far more together than when used individually. In addition, they collectively stimulate the department of inactive nerve cells, nurture the fatty envelope of the nerves, and prevent myelin swelling that causes loss of function in some autoimmune diseases. There are also stories where marijuana in its natural form softened spasticity, reduced the frequency of seizures and convulsions, and suppressed unpleasant scrapie in Parkinson's illness. This is where the concept of receiving RSO, planned only for chronically ill people, come from . Both marijuana oil type CBD and RSO likewise consist of other cannabinoids, such as cannabichromene (CBC) and cannabigerol (CBG). The trick is not, nevertheless, that CBD often has actually a structure broadened to include flavones, flavonoids, terpenes, terpenoids, amino acids and omega acids. The distinction is mostly due to intentions directing mankind to use one or the other item. CBD medical cannabis oil is a rather beneficial blend of cannabinoids, created to secure versus 21st century disease. It's finest to utilize all of these substances together, as nature created them and confined in cannabis inflorescences. It turns out that cannabidiol improves the effects of cannabichromene (CBC) and cannabigerol (CBG), and flavonoids or flavones improve the absorption of these compounds. Omega-6 and omega-3 highly nourish the body and do not enable to change, which accelerate the aging procedure of the organism and improve the advancement of cancer. Oil of marijuana in a kind of pastime APR includes percentages of CBD, balanced by the presence of THC. Makers concentrate on the synergistic result of one substance relative to the other, while deserting the existence of CBC and CBG. Why such a choice? – Modern scientific research study shows that CBD + THC cope with major autoimmune diseases, while CBC or CBG show very little activity in the existence of both substances, just like flavones, flavonoids or terpenes, for that reason their material in the solution appears to be unneeded. In addition, the cannabis stress from which THC and CBD are derived consist of negligible amounts of other cannabinoids. RSO oil is completely unlawful in Poland, which is why it can not be acquired in any legally operating shop on the market. Obviously, there are a number of amateur methods for obtaining it, however it's good to understand that substances acquired artificially in house laboratories are unpredictable, untested, and the effect unknown. The solvent for the production of household RSO is usually gasoline, alcohol and even kerosene, which rather of curing, poison. Alcohols and their like impair cannabinoids, and so in reality, they don't bring anything new to the medical world. Marijuana oil has currently marked a new period in which guy ceased to fear what is unidentified, and began to uncover what our ancestors had actually currently observed and use the significant potential, in the beginning look, a little bizarre relationships, associated primarily with pathology. Medical cannabis, contrary to its name, does not mean fermented female inflorescences and leaves containing psychoactive compounds coiled in so-called "Joints", but a helpful oil without psychoactive THC. A standard person, after taking dosages of medicinal marijuana and accomplishing the appropriate state of cannabinoids in the blood, can take pleasure in increased immunity, decreased susceptibility to cancer, postponed aging and decreased threat of stroke or cardiovascular disease. CBD oil consists of cannabidiol as a base ingredient and might consist of only trace amounts of tetrahydroxycannabidiol (THC). RSO oil has a low CBD material, while high THC. Both marijuana oil type CBD and RSO also include other cannabinoids, such as cannabichromene (CBC) and cannabigerol (CBG). CBD medical marijuana oil is a rather advantageous blend of cannabinoids, created to protect versus 21st century illness. Oil of marijuana in a kind of pastime APR includes small amounts of CBD, balanced by the existence of THC.

    https://www.laweekly.com/best-cbd-for-anxiety-which-cbd-product-is-best-for-stress-and-anxiety/

    January 29, 2021 at 03:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. microsoft office 2019 home and business mac download

    hi!,I like your writing very much! share we communicate more about your post on AOL? I need a specialist on this area to solve my problem. May be that's you! Looking forward to see you.

    http://www.apsia.it/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&task=user&id=944414

    January 29, 2021 at 05:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Buy Elite Proxy

    Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you really know what you're talking about! Bookmarked. Please also visit my website =). We could have a link exchange arrangement between us!

    https://dreamproxies.com/

    January 29, 2021 at 07:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. 토토사이트

    After checking out a few of the blog articles on your web site, I really appreciate your way of writing a blog. I book-marked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future. Please check out my website as well and let me know your opinion.

    http://web.sfusd.edu/Services/research_public/Lists/Sample20Copy/DispForm.aspx?ID=821176

    January 29, 2021 at 09:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. 먹튀검증

    After I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I recieve 4 emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is a means you are able to remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!

    http://themotionpictureco.com/mpc/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&task=user&id=511008

    January 29, 2021 at 11:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. 토토사이트

    Itís hard to come by well-informed people in this particular topic, however, you sound like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks

    https://lkazka.com.ua/user/q1tdxeg532

    January 29, 2021 at 20:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. 먹튀검증

    https://acrelinux.stream/wiki/Participating_in_Poker_for_Fun

    January 29, 2021 at 22:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. 먹튀검증사이트

    http://nvl.vbent.org/kvso/redir.php?goto=https://www.empowher.com/user/1561456

    January 30, 2021 at 06:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. visio 2016 windows 10

    Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

    http://riyapola.com/user/profile/470572

    January 30, 2021 at 08:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Adan Tommie

    very good put up, i certainly love this web site, carry on it

    https://krivoruky.ru/tv.php?c=udKQjeVq1oA

    January 30, 2021 at 10:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. 먹튀검증

    http://photointeriorpro.ru/user/bungrape9/

    January 30, 2021 at 11:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. level select cbd

    Hi there, I found your web site via Google while searching for a related topic, your website came up, it looks good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    http://bit.ly/3owd2Vm

    January 30, 2021 at 13:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Make-money-in auto-pilot-2021

    Earn 500 a Day With Our Passive Income System Doing These 3 Steps – Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Setup your Paypal account. Step 3: Run our Unlimited Traffic System from our Free 850 sources of traffic (Approximately 35000 views a day guaranteed). Then in few hours you will start receiving payments without do nothing! More info: https://warriorplus.com/o2/a/gp8vk/0

    https://bitly.com/2RfJYVc

    January 30, 2021 at 20:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. 먹튀사이트

    http://italianculture.net/redir.php?url=https://www.inprnt.com/profile/w5lkjci749/

    January 30, 2021 at 20:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. 메이저사이트추천

    Wonderful post! We are linking to this particularly great post on our site. Keep up the good writing.

    http://dritter-lernort.de/members/perchjumbo16/activity/719860/

    January 31, 2021 at 17:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. 토토사이트추천

    Great post! We will be linking to this particularly great post on our site. Keep up the good writing.

    http://www.hongkongchannel.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=435799

    February 1, 2021 at 06:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. sfweekly.com

    I adore the manner you have actually concluded this post ...

    https://www.sfweekly.com/sponsored/cbd-dog-treats-cbd-for-pets-the-ultimate-guide-for-pet-owners/

    February 1, 2021 at 07:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. 500 Dollars a Day Money System

    Get Our Passive Income System – Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Setup your Paypal account. Step 3: Run our Unlimited Traffic System from 850 sources of traffic (Approximately 35000 views a day guaranteed). Then just wait and earn your income 100 on autopilot. More info: https://www.k3reviews.com/2020/08/16/monster-mode-700k/

    https://bitly.com/2RfJYVc

    February 1, 2021 at 12:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. theintouchnews.com science

    Well I definitely liked studying it. This article provided by you is very constructive for good planning.

    http://maps.google.vu/url?q=http://theintouchnews.com/

    February 1, 2021 at 16:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. 메이저사이트

    https://bbs.now.qq.com/home.php?mod=space&uid=607080

    February 1, 2021 at 21:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. 서울출장

    Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Many thanks for supplying this information.

    https://pbase.com/topics/pimpleradish59/common_side_effects_of_deep

    February 2, 2021 at 04:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. 먹튀검증사이트

    https://muckrack.com/mccann-rice

    February 2, 2021 at 10:52 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. twitter clipsitnet

    Wow! Thank you! I continually wanted to write on my blog something like that. Can I include a part of your post to my website?

    http://www.metlite.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://twitter.com/clipsitnet

    February 2, 2021 at 19:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. 메이저사이트

    https://motogpdb.racing/wiki/Small_company_Success_With_Gambling_Roulette_and_Craps

    February 2, 2021 at 19:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Youtube Plays

    some truly great content on this internet site, thanks for contribution.

    https://bonuslikes.com/product-tag/twitter-cheap-likes-500/

    February 3, 2021 at 00:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. 출장

    You need to take part in a contest for one of the greatest blogs online. I will highly recommend this blog!

    https://fabnews.faith/wiki/Find_out_the_Benefits_of_Therapeutic_massage_Therapy

    February 3, 2021 at 19:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Dannie Brideau

    Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

    http://shanepjymf.widblog.com/51397145/boston-ma-to-dc-movers-can-be-fun-for-anyone

    February 3, 2021 at 20:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. facebook clipsitnet

    Very well written information. It will be helpful to anybody who utilizes it, including yours truly :). Keep up the good work – looking forward to more posts.

    http://images.google.com.qa/url?q=https://www.facebook.com/clipsitnet

    February 4, 2021 at 11:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. laweekly.com

    What an impressive manner of looking at points.

    https://www.laweekly.com/5-best-cbd-oil-companies-to-buy-from-in-2019/

    February 4, 2021 at 15:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. CBD Lube

    Love the way you cover this subject.

    https://www.laweekly.com/a-list-of-the-5-best-cbd-lube-and-cbd-lubricants/

    February 4, 2021 at 16:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. sfweekly.com

    You have actually covered this topic properly.

    https://www.sfweekly.com/sponsored/cbd-lube/

    February 4, 2021 at 16:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. sfexaminer.com

    The only point I cry over is not having actually found your blog before.

    https://www.sfexaminer.com/marketplace/10-best-cbd-lube-and-lubricants-for-sale-in-2020/

    February 4, 2021 at 16:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. 먹튀검증

    http://www.chimisal.it/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&task=user&id=1714239

    February 4, 2021 at 18:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. 먹튀검증커뮤니티

    http://bookmarkshq.com/story8917783/the-advantages-of-online-roulette-games

    February 5, 2021 at 01:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Increase Domain Rating

    Hey there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?

    http://megazvezda.info/user/cokesharon6/

    February 5, 2021 at 06:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. The Wholesale Formula reviews

    Awesome things here. I'm very glad to peer your article.
    Thanks so much and I'm looking forward to contact you.
    Will you please drop me a e-mail?

    February 5, 2021 at 15:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. 마사지알바

    Very good post. I am experiencing a few of these issues as well..

    https://www.chilterntraveller.co.uk/members/keynet56/activity/1005209/

    February 5, 2021 at 15:59 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Leave a Reply to 출장


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.