Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET

Female infidelity: It's different from the guys

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

That’s not to say that men don't cheat  because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but  many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.

That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.  It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.

While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that  among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.

Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends."  Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.

So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?

–         She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings

–         She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive

–         She has less interest in sex with her partner

–         She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work

–         She seems happy, except when she's around her partner

–         She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family

–         There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her

–         She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time

Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."  Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.

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  1. JG

    Say what you will about Clinton. But, man, looking back on it all now. . . we were in pretty good shape when Bill was in the office.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Paul

    To the others who have responded to Mezzanoche – I think he's being sarcastic.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Samantha

    Either way, fi you or your spouse is a cheater thats a hugh red flag in the relationship department. If you are cheating or thinking about it, or if you have been cheated on, get the hell out of that relationship and find someone who will treat you better, and love you.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • DelFuego

      Only people who eat boogers cheat.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:58 | Report abuse |
  4. Marriage is religious crapola -nothing more!

    Frank, you lucky dog you. I hate yer guts already dude...LOL

    April 7, 2011 at 13:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Lanfear

    I think the writer hit the nail on the head. I would never cheat on someone that I was committed to, but in the final stages of my first relationship I definitely used cheating as a tool to be rid my ex after I realized I wanted nothing to do with him. For 6 years I was with a man with kids, since I was 17. I'll never feel bad, I was robbed of my youth and manipulated by this guy, verbally abused and some times when alcohol was involved, physical abuse. So for the last year, I ran around with some young pieces of meat and that gave me the motivation to do what I wanted, FOR ONCE! And break free. And now I've found myself a young, hot, loyal army boy... who I barely see 🙁 but I care deeply about him. If you want your story to have a happy ending, you have to do what makes you happy. Don't be afraid to leave your partner if you aren't happy... it can seem impossible but nothing feels better than breaking free.
    As for cheating just for s-e-x, well that is horrible and I hope it never happens to me. But I am secure enough that I would probably let my partner out for a night of fun... if we were together long enough and I knew that he loved me. Maybe for a birthday present or anniversary gift (a la Larry David) lol. Maybe I would have to watch :O... I don't mind letting men be men... but you need to be open and honest and talk regularly about your s-e-x life, otherwise that's when you run into issues.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • irish man

      i want to marry you NOW !!!!

      April 7, 2011 at 13:37 | Report abuse |
    • norcalmojo

      You'll cheat on him too..............and then blame him for it.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse |
    • Lanfear

      Oh norcal... you troll. I'm guessing you were cheated on and are hurt.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:12 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      Lanfear – I have to say you described one instance where I actually believe cheating is forgiveable - when someone is being abused. The problem with this, however, is that many people claim they were "abused," when they really weren't (I don't think that about you, though).

      I also like the fact that you acknowledged you are willing to have an open relationship rather than cheat on the one you love. You, my dear, are a smart woman. Best of luck to you in your life and love.

      April 8, 2011 at 09:43 | Report abuse |
  6. Elliott

    "When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. " Um... no. women are the majority of spousal abusers, the majority of child abusers, and commit most of the familial violence in this country. Who ever wrote this ketchup-stained napkin article needs to acquaint themselves with the facts.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • jposto

      and where are your facts Elliott?

      April 7, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse |
    • sarah


      April 7, 2011 at 22:01 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      When my woman gets mad, I can't make her shut up! However, I think everything else you said was wrong, Elliott...

      And when I think about it, my lady's big mouth is a GOOD thing. It means she knows how to communicate, and I never have to worry about not knowing when she's upset.

      April 8, 2011 at 09:46 | Report abuse |
    • Lara DeSanto

      I was suffering through hell because i contracted herpes which i have been struggling for years, i have tried all sort of drugs but no permanent cure but i am happy to say i was cured from herpes permanently 2 weeks ago..He brought my lover back with his spiritual prayers..So Awesome…Thank you SO much for this Robinson.buckler [@] yahoo com………https://robinbuckler. com

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      December 18, 2020 at 10:06 | Report abuse |
  7. Jake

    Well...here is how it works...Men have bigger (like massive!!) EGOs...and hence why it is harder to forgive women (for men) when they cheat. A big EGO is necessary for a male to ensure his partner/s bore his children. Males wouldn't invest time and effort to raises another man's children. Hence, often women are in more danger of getting beaten or abused if they cheat. Whether they deserve it or not, that is debatable. That is why when a woman cheats relationships end. As a man, it is very very very hard for me to fathom raising another man's kids.

    For women though, if the child is in their belly it has to be theirs guaranteed. Hence no issues regarding whether or not their genes would be passed down to their children. Hence no massive EGO's. Hence, women often forgive men for cheating too. Because if they have a child in the marriage, they already have a hook to keep the male in the marriage. Now you have some idiots who run away (not legal divorce) after having their own child, they are just weird or maybe they run away from responsibility.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Daniel Ostrowski

    "There's no hard stats on this but my anecdotal feelings and ... experts without hard stats feel it's on the rise! This study which has more to do with income level than trends proves it!"

    On and on ... this editorial is mostly drivel and space filler. If you want an in-depth analysis about why men and women cheat, you're better off reading "The Mating Mind" by Dr. Geoffrey Miller or "The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating" by David Buss, who have actual evidence and studies on this kind of thing.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Sgt. Hulka

    Wow. This is pop-psychology at it's worst. The list propably describes 99.9% of women at some or many points during their marriage and I'm sure a similar list can be drawn for men. Gee, I guess we're all suspect I better admit that to my wife tonight and make her come clean. And when men get angry they are outward and the opposite for women. ON...WHAT.... ...PLANET?

    April 7, 2011 at 13:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Rob G

    D, for real...you're a guy... aren't you?

    April 7, 2011 at 13:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. UncleJohn

    Does anyone know where all these cheating women hang out? Just askin'

    April 7, 2011 at 13:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Smexy

    Gotta taste that forbidden fruit.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Ally

    You said "That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship."

    How did you come to this conclusion? It sounds like male cheating is more tolerable than female cheating and male cheating won't mean the death of the relationship. Maybe you have tried and find it's true for you. I feel sorry for you parnter if you have one. Not sure why any woman would put herself down to be with a guy like you.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:25 | Report abuse | Reply
    • RK

      I think he thinks the 'woman's cheating is the death knell to the relationship' because so many women are stupid to stick around and give the dog another chance. Once a dog, always a dog. Period. This applies to both men and women!

      April 7, 2011 at 13:49 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      I think both of you may have missed the point. He's saying that usually when a woman cheats, it's because she's already given up on the relationship - meaning she's already neither mentally nor emotionally there. Usually when men cheat, it's without any intention of leaving his wife or girlfriend.

      April 8, 2011 at 09:50 | Report abuse |
  14. Kevin Bruddah Man

    This is so funny, that I had to repost it:
    I had a girlfriend once who was becoming someone I thought I would marry. Turns out she was cheating on me most of our relationship with some other married guy. When I confronted her, she tried to justify it by saying it was for emotional reasons and that he provided her something I couldn't. But strangely, she could never define what that was. So a couple weeks later at her place, when she started drinking one afternoon I encouraged her to keep drinking until she was really wasted. The next morning she woke up in a huge mess of urine and feces; the Cleveland Steamer! I never told her and let her wonder whether it was hers or mine. But I did leave a note on her table saying never to call me again. To this day I think she believes it was because she was a drunk. 🙂

    April 7, 2011 at 13:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • irish man

      dont believe it...wow...im sure he also had his way with her...probably in the other hole too..dang...wish i were there !!!

      April 7, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse |
  15. Lanfear

    Frank is awesome. If the women are married, it's THEIR problem, not his!

    April 7, 2011 at 13:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. D

    hey Nikki....

    April 7, 2011 at 13:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. David

    My wife cheated on me 1 1/2 years ago, and I'm still hurting. I treat my wife like a princess and her ex-boyfriend (with whom she cheated) treats her like dirt. I feel like a chump for being "the nice guy" and doing our best to work this out between us. Intimacy has really suffered, and she thinks everything is fine because she feels as though she learned a lesson and says our marriage is stronger, now. I feel stupid and used.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Religious sects

      Don't stay in the marriage. Once that taboo is broken she'll always be a cheater, no lesson learned other than she can cheat & get away with it...kick it to the curb now & get on with a happy life.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:33 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      Believe it or not, there are women who prefer the nice guy. They are few and far between, but a smart man can pick them out and cherish them! 😉

      April 8, 2011 at 09:52 | Report abuse |
  18. MDP

    Hey D... Would you consider a simultaneous double drilling? Something tells me that you might, and I'm game!

    April 7, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Adam

    My girlfriend routinely keeps tabs on her past flames, especially via Facebook. She claims that she just wants to know that they are "ok." Yet she checks in on them several times a month, and they are the first people that she turns to when we have an argument. I recently tried to explain to her how that makes me feel. Maybe I should forward this article to her...

    April 7, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • David

      Look out, Adam – same crap my wife was feeding me.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:41 | Report abuse |
    • riomarcos

      Adam, you can't trust her, seriously. Leave her, find yourself a secure, mature, and intelligent woman who doesn't need exes around to make her feel wanted.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:09 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      My wife has never gotten a Facebook account, and has no desire to. That one thing has worked WONDERS in my marriage.

      April 8, 2011 at 09:54 | Report abuse |
  20. Bella

    This article is completely biased. how can a man write an article about why women cheat? Also come on people cheating is equally bad no matter who does it. Now it might be "easier" to fix if a man does it because maybe the woman isn't strong enough to leave him or maybe she's staying with him for other reasons.
    Give me an article that says this about women and maybe it will hold some merritt.
    Besides some men cheat because of emotional connects as well. Men are responsible for their actions it's not "wrong place wrong time" it's no strength to say no and no respect for your partner.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Kevin Bruddah Man

    So funny that I had to repost:

    I had a girlfriend once who was becoming someone I thought I would marry. Turns out she was cheating on me most of our relationship with some other married guy. When I confronted her, she tried to justify it by saying it was for emotional reasons and that he provided her something I couldn't. But strangely, she could never define what that was. So a couple weeks later at her place, when she started drinking one afternoon I encouraged her to keep drinking until she was really wasted. The next morning she woke up in a huge mess of urine and feces; the Cleveland Steamer! I never told her and let her wonder whether it was hers or mine. But I did leave a note on her table saying never to call me again. To this day I think she believes it was because she was a drunk. 🙂

    April 7, 2011 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Mike

    back in the old days, women were afraid of physical violence from their man, and obviously the opposite was not true. as such, men could cheat with relative impunity. now the law is much more strict against spousal abuse, so women can cheat as much as men . yay! (also the whole US is pussified)

    April 7, 2011 at 13:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sarah

      Women cheating is better than women getting beaten.

      April 7, 2011 at 22:04 | Report abuse |
  23. Edsr

    What he did was personal and had NOTHING to do with the direction of this country........when the press asked him if he cheated he should have replied....................YES and it was enjoyable and none of your business....now lets get to more important issues like where this country is headed..................

    April 7, 2011 at 13:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • WOBH

      Yes... exactly... His advisers really missed the boat on that one. He should have fessed up and moved on to leave Starr with nothing to stir the pot over

      April 7, 2011 at 15:06 | Report abuse |
  24. mattmchugh

    This article cites only one actual study (U. of Washington stats on income and infidelity) which contributes nothing to its topic (the different motivations for male or female infidelity). It's water-cooler gossip trying to pass itself of as psychology. Just wanted to point that out.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. feudi

    I've NEVER understood why men get the bad name for cheating when in every instance, the other party in the affair is a woman. So why do men get called out almost exclusively for infidelity? It's totally illogical and yet men just sit there and take it. Numbnuts...

    April 7, 2011 at 13:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Tim

    Seriously, who's the chick in the picture on this article? 🙂

    April 7, 2011 at 13:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. mark

    self-silence? i'm not going to find out if this is a new word dreamed up by specialists on everything they read but know nothing about experience.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. HC21

    It's amazing how offended so many women seem to be as a result of this article. Makes me wonder if they are reading it or just reacting emotionally to the headline. For those women who do have a problem with it, what do you find to be grossly untrue about this article? (men can answer that too if they find a problem)

    April 7, 2011 at 13:35 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sarah

      The reason women are upset is because cheating is just as emotionally devestating to the woman as it is to the man regardless of why he cheated. Fact is, most relationships where men cheat don't last.

      April 7, 2011 at 22:07 | Report abuse |
  29. pfsprn

    You have all got it wrong! The only women who are not capable of cheating are Virgins! When I was singlle I screwed preacher's wives and policewomen. The only women I haven't screwed were eskimos and aboriginies. You have to understand three very simple facts; (I) If men cheat, they are screwing women who cheat; and there are more women then men. (2) Men screw/cheat when they can-Women screw/cheat when ever they want to. (3) They have to every 28 days. Men listen, when women go out, alone or together, they have already made up their minds to screw, whether its yoiu or someonbe else.When you see a women you want to screw, tell her lets screw; she may blush then-but she'll screw the hell out of you latter. Women don't get upset, you may not, but the others will.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Rob

    The percentage of women in the work place has risen in the past years; so there is no doubt that female infidelity has also increased. I joked one time to a female co-worker that I was spending ten hours a day with her working on a project, and probably talked more with her then my wife. She was also married and her response was to proposition me.
    If you are wondering nothing happened, but a week later she asked again.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Let's Cheat Already

    I've been married to my wife for 8 years. She's wonderful, and I'm in love. However, I need something new.....something exciting....and I don't want to leave my wife. I'm a good guy, with a good job. I live in Chicago. Ladies.....any takers? Let's get together and do what comes naturally. There MUST be a married woman out there who is in a similar position. Anyone ladies interested?

    April 7, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • AZ lady

      I'm in Arizona, sorry!

      April 7, 2011 at 15:35 | Report abuse |
    • Not Surprised

      Im in AZ 😀

      April 7, 2011 at 15:47 | Report abuse |
  32. Lia

    I'm sorry, but you're obviously not well educated on gender roles or gender stereotypes. This is easily one of the most shallow articles on gendered infidelity I've ever seen. Bravo idiot.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Carniala

      hello! just take a look around, or in the mirror!

      April 7, 2011 at 13:57 | Report abuse |
  33. Bob The Builder

    Sometimes I make love to a bowl of oatmeal.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Sophie25

    @Lolz.....actually we females like em young too. Oh the stamina!!

    April 7, 2011 at 13:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Johnthree 16

    If you marry for the right reasons, you don't worry about cheating or being cheated on. If you find a couple who says they are married due to love ONLY, pinch yourself. Don't worry, you will not have to pinch yourself that much, once you ask a few questions about the relationship.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Mel

    I'm a femme lesbian and I cheat. Because I like a little variety on the side, ok? It's not a man or a woman thing. It's a "why people cheat" thing.
    This thread is more disconcerting than the article. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. And Mr. Kerner really shouldn't be counseling anyone about anything.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Johnthree 16

      Mel, is that you? CB

      April 7, 2011 at 14:05 | Report abuse |
    • Alice

      You want to have your pie and eat it too.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:29 | Report abuse |
  37. Ann

    If you want out of a marriage, do your spouse a favor– tell him/her why, seek counseling, and do whatever's possible to try and reconnect with the person you fell in love with. If these don't work, then get divorced and go your separate ways with your reputation, self-worth, and emotional integrity intact. Bed anyone you want to, but for everyone's sake, wait until you're out of your marriage. Cheating is selfish and cowardly and doesn't solve anything.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. meeks

    you are insane bill clinton is to blame for the problems in america today if he wouldnt have signed nafta and cafta wed be the richest nation screw bill clinton and screw u

    April 7, 2011 at 13:43 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Bill

      Uhhhh, hate to break it to you, but we ARE the richest nation.

      April 7, 2011 at 15:16 | Report abuse |
    • Not Surprised

      NAFTA was George the 1st's idea. It was in response to the Europe unifying their economy. Standard Right winger, does not have a clue what he is talking about. Only what Rush tells him to think.

      April 7, 2011 at 15:27 | Report abuse |
  39. Lanfear

    Cleveland Steamer...hahahaha. here is another funny story for you guys. My brother of all people, had quite the shiity experience with a girl from his work. They had a few casual dates. One night, they were both plastered after a night of partying, and they went back to her place and passed out in her bed. The next morning, my brother felt his gut was not right - had be been having poop dreams? To his surprise, there was a perfectly round fresh poop curled up on the girls NIGHT-TABLE! right beside where they slept. So basically he got so drunk that he took a shiit in her bedroom, hahaha! To make matters even more hilarious, the girl thought that someone broke into her house and did it as a prank... she continued to see my brother for a few weeks after and never found out it was him!
    How many of you can say you've done THAT!? hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    April 7, 2011 at 13:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jokester


      April 8, 2011 at 10:00 | Report abuse |
  40. Alex

    Just have an open relationship and get over yourself.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Slighhunter

      All of you are missing the picture. Treat your girl well and you should have no problems. The rest of you can go to hell.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:01 | Report abuse |
    • MadCityBabe

      such a idiotic statement! Grow Up!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:01 | Report abuse |
    • MadCityBabe

      I should clarify. my comment was directed @Alex.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:03 | Report abuse |
    • Alex

      So...let's hear your solution Madcitybabe.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:06 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      We know people with open relationships, it does work for them. Most cannot make it work though.
      But, what would WE know? My wife and I have only been married for 29 years. AND she put up with my over 27 year military career. AND our marriage survived 16 pregnancies with only two live births.
      Perhaps YOU should get over YOURSELF and learn a little more about your fellow humans.
      You could start as we did, TALKING to each other. To the point where I can say things in jest at a party that many men have said would get him a knife in his ribs. BECAUSE, *SHE* knows when I'm making a joke and responds in kind. That little number of zingers back and forth is extremely popular at parties.
      Just think of the cartoon strip, "The Lockhorns", done for fun between us.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:17 | Report abuse |
    • Brad

      A simple solution after you catch your wifey cheating with another dude! Is just say "this isn't working out" and walk her out the door! Or if she is the breadwinner walk out the door yourself!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:19 | Report abuse |
    • jaosn

      haha, yeah Alex..you rule!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:19 | Report abuse |
    • truetalker75248

      the notion that treating women well to keep them from cheeting is absurd. women are drawn to bad boys, excitement, and the nicer you are the less they are interested. keep them on their toes and give them money, that's usually what leads to a "healthy" relationshp. at the end they're all nuts anyway so just have fun and do your own thing. truth hurts ladies. suck it.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:23 | Report abuse |
    • Floyd

      @Slighhunter – I agree. Pretty straight forward and is what I gather from this. This applies to most things in life – treat others how you would like to be treated. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Why is it so tough for so many people? Selfishness seems to rule these days.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:24 | Report abuse |
    • Den

      This response is to Mary – BS! I took care of my wife well, alloud her to stay home with our kids, bought her everything she wanted, paid the bills, and cooked dinner! Her highschool boyfriend reconnected with her, and caused her to cheat on me for a year! Now she is so sorry and wants to make everything right. Sorry, you missed the boat on this one. Now my kids are going to suffer! I blame facebook for this one.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:25 | Report abuse |
    • Randy

      @TrueTalker – You're so right on. It made me laugh, but only because it's so true.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:46 | Report abuse |
    • TheOfficial

      You cant trust women, THEY ALL CHEAT. Sorry Wzrd1 but 26 years of military service where you werent around? quit kidding yourself dude

      April 7, 2011 at 14:47 | Report abuse |
    • Cosmicgirl

      Den- in your eyes you gave her everything she wanted. Something was seriously lacking or she wouldn't have have given a second thought to someone else. Trust me on this. My ex- husband said the same thing when we got divorced, and it wasn't true. Unfortunately you are both now suffering the consequences of BOTH of your actions. I wish you the best.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • surprising?

      Cheating is always wrong no matter what prompted the infidelity. If you can't keep it zipped up or no longer find your man attractive for whatever reason, talk to your partner and if good-faith efforts to fix things fail, dissolve the relationship and do what you will. Cheating hurts for years and I don't even mean the gift of STDs. My guy cheated on me and he did it simply because he could. When I dumped him later (because he would just do it again and was dumb enough not to use protection), he was "devastated" and begged me to take him back. Guys: if you despise cheating women, take a good look at yourselves before you unzip with someone else. Your other she will despise you right back and no, she's not likely to forgive because "it didn't mean anything".

      April 7, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • crazyCamel

      its not fb fault ur wife was a ho

      April 7, 2011 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      @TrueTalker: You are correct! What you described is how a "nice guy" can be bad without his woman realizing it. See, women don't necessarily want a "bad boy." They just don't want a punk. There is a difference.

      April 8, 2011 at 10:09 | Report abuse |
  41. Tammy

    Cheating by women is sooooo on the rise. It is not just men who do it..... there are many reasons why people may cheat....However it is true.... Most people i know have had an affair or havin one–women and men!!!!..... todays society is just crazy. There is no committed relationships like back in the day..... or courting someone like they use too.... Times have changed big time!!!!! This article is true!

    April 7, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Joe

      Thats funny. Most of my friends (guys and gals) DONT cheat. I guess dogs do run in packs.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:27 | Report abuse |
    • Salmander

      Lifetime Movies rules of cheating. If a man cheats it is because he is a jerk. If a woman cheats it is because her husband is a jerk.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:47 | Report abuse |
    • Mosihasteen

      Most young men's manners suck. I am 48 years old and 'back in the day' as you said, I would never have been so gauche or uncouth or downright stupid as young men are today in dealing with young women. Problem is – young women act worse as well, though in a different way. I and my dad would never have tolerated someone talking to my sisters the way I hear guys talking to girls nowadays. Is there anyone out there who can tell these girls what to REALLY look for in a young man? A gentleman of honor. I doubt it.

      April 7, 2011 at 15:22 | Report abuse |
  42. Mary

    Maybe if so many men would stop treating thier wives like they owe them something they wouldn't cheat. Some pigs have a fit if their wives gain some weight – but when is the last time you gave her some time for herself? ie.. made dinner, so she wouldn't have to come home from working all day and do it. ie.. help the kids with the h/w, so she wouldn't have to tend to that after work also. ie.. help clean the house, or laundry, or pay the bills, or just about anything except sitting on your duff acting like she owes you something. Think about it. Then again, if you started doing that – she just may take that extra time and find a man WORTH slimming down again for. Deal with it.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Hingir

      You sound bitter.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:55 | Report abuse |
    • Dan

      bitter much?

      April 7, 2011 at 13:57 | Report abuse |
    • Edward

      Maybe many women should stop treating their men like personal bank accounts . . . it works both ways.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:58 | Report abuse |
    • Zeppelin

      What a silly little bitter woman you are.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:59 | Report abuse |
    • TB

      Mary – You are an unhappy person who has probably made a habit of blaming everyone else for her unhappiness. You are an adult (big assumption here). If you are not happy with your "pig" do smething about it instead of telling the world how superior you are to men.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:00 | Report abuse |
    • Tim

      Don't hate men because you picked a loser. The signs where there, you chose to ignore them.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:00 | Report abuse |
    • Poor Mary

      i do these things all the time. stop comenting on your relationship issues and go home and talk to your spouse. All men are not like the one you are talking about.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:00 | Report abuse |
    • Patrick

      Your fat because you're lazy, Mary, and being fat certainly won't help you find a partner to cheat with. Either leave him or don't.. don't get all fat and bitter, just do something about your life or accept the fact that your weak willed.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:00 | Report abuse |
    • Freemaan

      That sounds very defensive...

      April 7, 2011 at 14:01 | Report abuse |
    • galllatea

      And you sound bitter for calling others bitter. Sounds like she just want equality and a little acknowledgment. I see that kind of male behavior all the time regardless of who's bringing home the bacon.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:06 | Report abuse |
    • long duc dong

      typical bitter old lady who finds comfrot in generalizing and stereotyping all men because of her one failed relationship.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:06 | Report abuse |
    • Erik

      Mary, just because your husband cheated on you, don't take it out on the rest of us.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:06 | Report abuse |
    • SCF

      Mary, Find a new Husband. Just because yours is a dud does not mean the rest of us are. I cook dinner everyweekend. My wife stays home with the kids, but I still help her with dinner when I come home, help the kids with the home work, pay the bills and help out with most other things around the house. My wife and I both work hard around the house and with the kids. It sounds like you married a looser and should get rid of him. Most men are responsible, caring, and hard working.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:06 | Report abuse |
    • Jokester

      Just because YOUR husband is like that doesn't mean that other people's are! 😉

      April 7, 2011 at 14:09 | Report abuse |
    • kburnach

      Though I agree partially Mary I also disagree. I think you find a lot of women these days that find a man and let themselves go. My man does all of those things you described occasionally, but in return I generally take care of most household duties, I cook and clean, I take care of myself, I strive to be attractive to my man. Many women I know find it annoying that I do this because they don't do it for their men. They believe they shouldn't have to.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:10 | Report abuse |
    • Rational Male

      You work out your marital issues by talking, not cheating. If talking doesn't work, then do the responsible thing: break-up and then date another man. There is no excuse for cheating!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:11 | Report abuse |
    • sowgoodseeds

      Wow! Everyone who commented on Mary's comment are the ones who are bitter! Mary was VENTING, people, c'cmon. Cut her some slack. We all have nagative relationship experiences and these message boards provide us ALL an outlet to share ideas and understand each other. That is what Mary was TRYING to do before y'all just attacked her. Sheesh!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:12 | Report abuse |
    • Funny

      Yea sounds like your projecting your issues on all men. Just because you are in an unfulfilling relationship don't pigeon hole all men.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:15 | Report abuse |
    • moon_girl

      So true sad to say but I have been there.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:17 | Report abuse |
    • Mary's Husband

      buahahahaha. Get back in the kitchen woman!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:17 | Report abuse |
    • oksunny

      You are 100% right. You dont sound bitter to me at all, you sound like you personally experienced being in a relationship with a man-child as I did. He expected me to work full time and contribute financially 50% but also do all the other "woman" stuff. He slept in every weekend, never went to the grocery store or cleaned, if I wanted to go out I had to pay, etc...and he thought this was all perfectly acceptable. I left him of course (after wasting years) and now he is with a woman who waits on him hand and foot. I feel sorry for her; she feels lucky because he doesn't beat her. I didnt cheat but I became uninvested in the relationship months before I left.
      I got my Masters and moved to a different state where I am happily working and dating REAL men.

      All most women want is a partner to share a life with; not some child we have to take care of.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:23 | Report abuse |
    • Bontt

      I'm sorry that you're a fatty Mary

      April 7, 2011 at 14:23 | Report abuse |
    • Hummel

      Mary, you are perfectly right. Since my divorce a couple of years ago, I'm a part-time father and mother. Assuming all the domestic tasks is really exhausting. Now I understand that both spouses must share those tasks. That's what I'm going to do in my next chapter of life...

      April 7, 2011 at 14:24 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      Mary, Mary, Mary. You confuse ONE man with ALL men.
      My wife and I have been married for over 29 years. Our marriage survived over 27 years of military career on my end and 16 pregnancies, out of which two live births resulted. The children are grown and out of the house, one presenting us with our first grandchild.
      I have ALWAYS routinely kicked her out of my kitchen. It's MY kitchen because I am a reformed chef (used to be one, but the pay is lousy and it's too much work). She's quite a good cook as well. We even cook together at times.
      Of course, chefs don't do dishes.
      Well, except when she's sick. Which is increasing of late, herniated lumbar disk, bilateral trigger finger in multiple fingers, etc. She's gained weight, being unable to exercise. Oh well. Part of our marriage vows, a solemn promise, was for better or for worse.
      But, we have one other thing that you seem to have missed out on. WE TALK. A LOT. ALL THE TIME.
      From talking, even arguing, we came to REALLY know one another.
      So, now, after over 29 years of marriage, she has a belly that looks rather large. Now that I'm retired from the military, I'm rapidly growing. Growing my beltline. My beard is white. My hair beginning to salt and pepper. My knees are shot, my lower back is shot, my fingers stiffening from years of abuse. In short, I'm no spring chicken either.
      And if I get out of line, she's not shy about telling me that I'm screwing up. I do the same with her. In short, we COMPLEMENT each other. We work TOGETHER. We TALK. We COMMUNICATE. For talking without listening is NOT communication.
      But, such things require effort. If BOTH are not ready to commit to that effort, there will be no happiness.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:28 | Report abuse |
    • Steve

      Mary clearly needs a hug.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:35 | Report abuse |
    • Chacal

      Mary, why don't you tell us your bad experiences with guys? or I guess you deserve it for anoying.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:38 | Report abuse |
    • I Tried...

      Mary, I did all those things for my wife...and it still wasn't enough to make her happy. In the end, I'm the one who cheated because at some point you just give up trying and shift your focus to your own happiness.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:39 | Report abuse |
    • ktothe

      Mary, How do you know my husband so well? Are we married to the same person? You can just have him....

      April 7, 2011 at 14:48 | Report abuse |
    • TheOfficial

      So you are really fat?

      April 7, 2011 at 14:50 | Report abuse |
    • singleandlovingit

      I'm taking it you're single and hating it.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:51 | Report abuse |
    • Face

      Nice job summing up 100% of males around the world.... not just in America but everywhere!!

      Your terrible generalization is, at best, a representation of just 70-100 million males in America....

      NT but don't get mad at males just because you did a bad job and picked a fat slob, and not getting everything financially and emotionally worked out before you moved in together or married...

      April 7, 2011 at 14:52 | Report abuse |
    • Weight? Wait.

      Gain some weight? What, like a few pounds a year? Maybe 20 or 25? Or are you talking about pushing a BMI of 25 or 30? The difference is between being overweight - which many people are - and OBESE and MORBIDLY OBESE. Big difference.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:54 | Report abuse |
    • crazyCamel

      its your fault for being fat, quit blaming other people for your inability to take care of your body

      April 7, 2011 at 14:57 | Report abuse |
    • Mary's Ex

      I took good care of you and our children for 16 years, I encouraged you to further your education and shared in all of the child raising activities. Yet as soon as you became financially independent you started cheating with co-workers, at first I believed you when you said he was just a friend but within six months you were asking for a divorce. Four years and many affairs later we finally did divorce. Please take the advice of a husband who's been there, follow the warning signs given in the story, they were all there in my marriage. My children suffered the most from her infidelity, they lost a great full time father and gained a bunch of part time men who mostly wanted them to stay out of their way so they could be with their mother... Give her one chance to end her affair then give her the boot, these days I'd have gotten full custodiy of my children as the courts are slowly coming around to the idea that some mothers are really no good for their children...

      April 7, 2011 at 15:23 | Report abuse |
  43. Scott

    Maybe it's just time for people to be realistic. We're living longer and being expected to have s*x with only one person for 40 or 50 years is ridiculous. In my relationship we deal with this by having threeways, sometimes with another woman for me or sometimes with another guy for her. Others may have different arrangements. Lets face it, monogamy just is NOT the natural human state.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Greatest Ever

      ewww... make sure you dont cross swords bro

      April 7, 2011 at 13:59 | Report abuse |
    • Ulvi

      That's why your relationship is probably not real. Your relationship from what you described is a mutual disrespect...

      April 7, 2011 at 14:02 | Report abuse |
    • Patrick

      Despite your claims, the data shows pretty clearly that people are happier when they are in committed monogamous relationships. While you might be the exception (at least for now), you're wrong in saying that our society should move away from that.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:08 | Report abuse |
    • CB

      I call BS. Your logic is highly suspect and self-serving. You are saying that when we were cavepeople (for lack of exact terminology) we weren't monogamous, but neglect to say that it met the biological needs of the pack THEN. Therefore, if it was true then it MUST be true now. Which, it isn't. Why? Because we don't need to reproduce as heartily as we did then, resources are plentiful and there is just flat out no longer any biologically justified need for MOST humans to have multiple partners. Unless you are seeking to justify your own behavior. Free will and big brain are the great separators, we are not animals in the strictest sense and we can CHOOSE whether or not we adhere to society's rules.

      My guess? You just need the attention to assuage your vanity. But hey, that's just me.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:12 | Report abuse |
    • BermudaTriangle

      Wait a minute...your wife's a dude right?

      April 7, 2011 at 14:14 | Report abuse |
    • cbozey

      Do you enjoy watching her get banged by another dude?

      April 7, 2011 at 14:21 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      Whatever works for you. BUT, you seem to define coitus with marriage. The two do not necessarily go together.
      Marriage is far, far more than intercourse. It is a relationship and a partnership.
      But, what would *I* know? We've only been married for over 29 years. Our marriage survived my 27 year military career. It survived 16 pregnancies that resulted in only two live births. It's survived illness, deaths of close friends, poverty, people trying to make trouble for us and assorted other challenges that tear many families apart.
      But, WE communicate with each other. She is not interested in such a lifestyle as yours, even though we DO know couples who DO have such a relationship.
      We communicate so well, that we can say things in jest to each other that would result in immediate violence between other couples. Because, we KNOW each other. We can even frequently finish each others sentences.
      Of course, I DID joke with her, while I was deployed to the Persian Gulf and had her over for an extended visit, as I lived off post, about taking a second wife. It's a Muslim country. Of course, she reminded me that I follow a different religion that doesn't permit that. I replied that I could convert. 😉
      She replied, "Like any of them would HAVE you!"
      Then, we both laughed heartily and I agreed.
      The Arab family we were dining with were in hysterics. And we were invited over often after that.
      Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go shopping. She's not feeling well today, the weather tends to beat us both up, these days.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:44 | Report abuse |
  44. Me

    Found myself a good man. Wifey was a cheater. He's putting me through a few tests. I'm working hard every other weekend to graduate. Dear Cheater, thanks for the opportunity. Oh and your kid likes me too.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • DelFuego

      Are you saying your wife cheated on you so you found a man to be with?

      April 7, 2011 at 13:53 | Report abuse |
    • Hingir

      I couldn't be that confusing if I tried.

      April 7, 2011 at 13:57 | Report abuse |
    • lex

      she found a guy who was cheated on... it's not that confusing if you can read

      April 7, 2011 at 14:04 | Report abuse |
    • SurRy

      "...it's not that confusing if you can read."

      LOL, LOL!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:14 | Report abuse |
    • shell

      It's not that hard. Wife cheated, man left. Man met poster. Poster is happy wife cheated on him because she has him. Simple enough.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:34 | Report abuse |
    • Me, too!

      Me, you sound like me! My hubby was married for 20 years to a woman who cheated on him on several occasions. She could never be happy with him because she is not happy with herself. He tried to save the marriage but she dumped him. Now she goes out to bars looking for younger men - she's a "cougar" - she sleeps around and doesn't have a man to love. Meanwhile, I have him! 🙂 He's the most wonderful man and he's the love of my life. And, his kids adore me. She was an idiot. I, on the other hand, have won the freaking lottery.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:36 | Report abuse |
  45. Vasmikey

    I really hope that everyone realizes that many of the comments here are for chain pulling and cannot be taken seriously. I am done reading them because of the waste of time.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sowgoodseeds


      April 7, 2011 at 14:15 | Report abuse |
    • pairadice

      So true!!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:30 | Report abuse |
    • Thorin

      Are you kidding? I'm LMAO, these comments are awesome!

      April 7, 2011 at 15:04 | Report abuse |
  46. Religious sects

    If a woman cheats for love but also has s3x and a man cheats only for s3x, who's worse?

    April 7, 2011 at 13:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • OWiseSultan

      That is a shallow, yet strangely valid, argument.

      April 7, 2011 at 14:23 | Report abuse |
  47. achin

    People who cheat are simply selfish and weak. If you want to be with other people give your partner the decency to ask for a divorce and move on. Sharing lies and STD is not how to end a relationship.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Seaburger

    He forgot to mention that Women will also cheat for CASH!

    April 7, 2011 at 13:53 | Report abuse | Reply
    • lex

      hahahahha... for the win!

      April 7, 2011 at 14:05 | Report abuse |
  49. hux

    My wife is so hot ,as soon as shes in the car when I pick her up from work she strips off and we play all the way home. We are dedicated to each other.

    April 7, 2011 at 13:55 | Report abuse | Reply
    • sniffanus

      any video available?

      April 7, 2011 at 13:59 | Report abuse |
    • Yabadabado

      Newly wed by any chance?

      April 7, 2011 at 14:49 | Report abuse |
  50. NungaBIZ

    What the hell are you smoking Frank, cuz your just a BOY not a man. One day a hubby's going to put a hurt on you or worse, grow up now before its too late...

    April 7, 2011 at 13:56 | Report abuse | Reply
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Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.