home
RSS
Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET

Female infidelity: It's different from the guys

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

That’s not to say that men don't cheat  because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but  many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.

That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.  It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.

While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that  among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.

Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends."  Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.

So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?

–         She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings

–         She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive

–         She has less interest in sex with her partner

–         She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work

–         She seems happy, except when she's around her partner

–         She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family

–         There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her

–         She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time

Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."  Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.


« Previous entry
soundoff (3,758 Responses)
  1. Ellen Olivieri

    Great site. Thanks for showing us.

    April 21, 2021 at 13:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Reiko Stamenov

    Great site. Thanks for showing us.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 13:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Larae Rievley

    Great blog. Cheers for showing us.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 13:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Malik Clever

    Great site. Thanks for showing us.

    April 21, 2021 at 13:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Leo Meyerson

    Very good blog,thank you very much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 13:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Emilio Doughtery

    cool site. Thanks for showing us.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 13:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Hugh Echard

    cool site. Cheers for showing us.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 13:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Virgilio Macconaghy

    cool site. Cheers for showing us.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 14:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Rhiannon Liebl

    Great blog. Cheers for showing us.

    https://pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 14:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Jackson Kresal

    Great blog. Thanks for showing us.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 14:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Alfonzo Petrick

    Very good site,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 14:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Garfield Bynun

    Really good site,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 14:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Bart Irizarri

    Very good site,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 15:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Raymon Bozich

    Very good site,thank so much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 16:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Archie Hoes

    cool blog. Thanks for posting.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 17:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Richard Bruzewski

    Great blog. Thanks for posting.

    April 21, 2021 at 17:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. tadalafil daily use

    generic tadalafil united states https://elitadalafill.com/ generic tadalafil 40 mg

    April 21, 2021 at 17:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Rosie Leduke

    cool site. Cheers for posting.

    April 21, 2021 at 17:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Justin Chun

    cool blog. Thanks for showing us.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 17:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Asa Bruington

    Very good site,thank so much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 17:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Connie Telep

    cool blog. Thanks for showing us.

    https://pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 18:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Joette Atlas

    Really good site,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    April 21, 2021 at 18:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. https://mbee.com.vn

    This text is worth everyone's attention. How can I find out more?

    April 21, 2021 at 19:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Alethea Adragna

    Very good site,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 19:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Armand Chandsawangbh

    Great blog. Cheers for posting.

    April 21, 2021 at 19:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Avery Fijal

    Very good blog,thank so much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 19:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Michale Minutillo

    Really good site,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 19:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Livia Sonderup

    Really good blog,thank so much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 20:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. Bruno Hennessy

    Great site. Thanks for posting.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 20:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Tad Lechman

    Very good blog,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 20:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Nickolas Elvert

    Very good site,thank so much for your time in writing the posts.

    April 21, 2021 at 20:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Chong Gehrking

    Really good blog,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 20:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Stanford Prottsman

    cool site. Cheers for showing us.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 20:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Evangelina Reuer

    Great site. Thanks for showing us.

    https://pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 21:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Aron Fitzen

    Very good site,thank you very much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 21:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Irvin Hader

    Great site. Cheers for posting.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 21:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Miles Devoll

    Really good site,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 21:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Tyler Tervo

    Very good blog,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    April 21, 2021 at 21:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Whitney Hylton

    Great site. Thanks for posting.

    April 21, 2021 at 21:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Sheridan Sanyaro

    Great site. Cheers for posting.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 21:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Brittny Loosey

    Great site. Thanks for showing us.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 22:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Lupe Felder

    Really good blog,thank you very much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 22:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Pedro Klich

    Very good site,thank so much for your time in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 22:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Noah Silverhorn

    Really good site,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 22:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. Cristine Drought

    Really good blog,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslotgamestop.com

    April 21, 2021 at 22:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Edwardo Adelmund

    เว็บที่รวบรวมเนื้อหา ข่าวสารต่างๆเกี่ยบกับ พีจี สล็อต มาไว้ที่นี่ที่เดียว ผู้เล่นสามารถทดลองเล่นเกมสล็อต มือถือได้ที่นี่ มีการรองรับทุกระบบปฏิบัติการ ไม่ว่าจะเป็นระบบ iOS Android Windows Mac OS และ HTML5

    https://www.superrichthailand.com/

    April 21, 2021 at 23:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Faustino Udo

    https://melbournepsychooncology.com.au/contact/

    April 21, 2021 at 23:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Glenn Via

    Really good site,thank so much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 23:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Belkis Over

    Very good blog,thank you very much for your effort in writing the posts.

    https://pgslot.blog

    April 21, 2021 at 23:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Gale Paramore

    Great blog. Cheers for showing us.

    https://www.pgslot.blog

    April 22, 2021 at 00:03 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58

Leave a Reply to pgslot


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

« Previous entry
Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.