April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET
Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.
That’s not to say that men don't cheat because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.
That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt. It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.
While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.
Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends." Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.
So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?
– She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings
– She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive
– She has less interest in sex with her partner
– She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work
– She seems happy, except when she's around her partner
– She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family
– There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her
– She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time
Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other." Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.
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I don't understand why the author believes that it is more painful when a woman cheats on her guy than when a guy cheats on his gal. Perhaps it is true for the old fashion type of man who views his wife as property but otherwise I don't think it is true.
Anyway, monogamy is not the most important thing in a romantic relationship. I know lots of people in bad marriages or long term relationships that are monogamous but dysfunctional and unhappy. I know of other happy relationships where the couple has moved past affairs, tolerates them, or even has an understanding about them.
Men, don't take it personal I am just telling you something you don't know about woman. Woman will teach you a lesson so take notes. Statiscally, men cheat more than woman b/c they think they are getting away with it and men are being enabled by society, however, wake up and smell the coffee b/c woman are just smarter and are better at the game if playing games is what men want. Bottom line, men don't cheat b/c you will loose!!!
Woman are fed up with men doing the cheating, getting away with it and being applaud, but when woman do the cheating they are called all kinds of names. So now woman are given men a taste of their own medicine and see how it feels. Woman power!!!!!
lol women power.
Woman power? What about not stooping down to another cheater's level instead? All it does is make you look shallow when you think cheating is an equalizer. The fact is any cheater is a coward plain and simple.
How about becoming empowered by learning how to spell?
Give Vickie a break, she's only 13
Woman Power? I would like to know who really say,s that and how many times you have cheated and justified it?
I CHEATED AFTER I FOUND OUT THE WIFE HAD SCREW MOST OF MY FRIENDS AND ONE OF OUR KIDS IF NOT TWO ARE FROM OTHER MEN. THE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR CALLED HER A W H O R E
Wow...that's really bad. The marriage counselor was right.
Get back at her: tell her the other kids are not hers.
women that cheat are bit**es, point blank
Men who cheat are d*cks. Your point?
Wow.....the picture looks like it should be for a story on pedophilia. It is creepy.
I agree, doesn't it look creepy!!!!
No, you are just old.
I think they were going for the virile man and fragile woman look but they goofed up and ended up with the creepy pedophile look. If they wanted a more realistic photo, the guy should have love handles and the start of a beer belly and the woman should have love handles and some mommy fat, lol.
cheating is about character, not gender.
Your's is the best post of the day.
@veryfatihful: Your "husband" is not just cheating on you, he is cheating on your family. He has put part of his body inside someone else then come back to your bed; he has put your life in danger and shows no intention of ever being faithful to your "marriage". You are not in a marriage, you are in an escape. The pain of leaving seems greater than the pain of staying. But you need to know that staying with a person who you know seeks out other women will do nothing but break you down as a person and take your dignity. It will destroy your self-worth and keep you from being the best person you can be for your children. You need to be not just a mother to them, but a confident woman with dignity who can show them what real womanhood and manhood are. Seek out counseling, consult your spiritual advisor, and find support from those who care about you. God bless you.
I have first hand experience on this one, and this guy is right on.
I would not recommend divorce to anyone, especially those with children. It's hard for persons
who have not gone through it to appreciate it. Much easier to talk about it.
I caught my wife in my bedroom with a married guy. This is not good. And we had 3 young
children. She met him at work. He was separated from his wife, who supported him (she
had a good job). They had no children, and had been married about 20 years. She hid the relationship
for over 2 years. I was the last to know.
I wanted to continue the marriage, she wanted out. She couldn't wait, as she put it, to "get rid" of me.
She hqd to "find herself". She said she wanted to sleep with 40 men and pick the one she
liked the best. She wanted my cooperation. She was 46.
It is much harder on the rejected person. I would not recommend it to anyone.
There does seem to be a defacto double standard. If a man cheats, I suspect
he rarely would get alimony or child support. If a woman cheats, she may get
both even though she cheated and is driving the divorce.
On top of cheating, my beloved asked for alimony, custody, and child support, which she got except we shared custody 50-50.
I asked for full time custody but didn't get it. So not only was I cheated on, I had to pay for the divorce, and pay her
alimony and child support. This is a very bad rule. It was a bitter pill to swallow.
The kids are innocent victims. I feel very bad about the divorce, to this day, and wish it did not happen because of the pain
it gave to us all, and still does, but especially to the children, for they did nothing to deserve this.
All this was 7 years ago.
In those years, I paid my obligation to her. All 3 children left her to live full time with me. The guy she cheated with dumped her,
moved out of town, and went to Las Vegas. She has had numerous boyfriends. She too, likes to eat out and to party. I do
not know if she has found herself yet.
I wish we had a good relationship; after all, I loved her, and had 3 children with her; we were together 16 years; but we do not
have a good relationship.
My advice after this is, and as my 2 sons have observed, first don't get married in today's society considering the rules; have children young, when you have no assets or income to attach; if you do get married, stay married, don't divorce. The worst possible route is the one I took, which I paid a high price for, in emotion, time, energy, and money, and my children paid a high price for it as well in all ways. I would not recommend it. If I were you, I'd avoid this path.
Old School LawyerDad
sorry, that sucks. i don't understand the continuing double standard. i know the courts are packed, but when it comes to divorces with children involved, i think more time should be spent on looking at all the facts surrounding the divorce even if it does take more time. good fathers shouldn't be extracted and made to pay for something they didn't ask for just as much as good mothers shouldn't. we need a better system for sure.
How can you recommend against divorce when it's obvious you had no choice: she wanted out of the marriage no matter what.
it sounds like your ex lacked the integrity and maturity to be married and have children. In cases like yours where children are involved, I think it is only right that the parent with custody of the children receives child support. Anything else doesn't sound deserved unless this is one of those cases where she supported you through law school and sacrificed her own education, etc. In that case some additional compensation might make sense. However, based on what you've said, you should have been awarded custody and received child support and she should have gotten nothing. It sounds like you married a party girl who never grew up. It's to bad your children have paid a price for both your mistakes.
I suspect the signs were there long before you caught the w h o r e riding someone else in your bed. And are you really a lawyer? REALLY? But you let this chick take you for a ride in court? Son, I have zero respect for you. Sorry...
The reason why the workplace is such a catalyst is because you're there more than at home. It's also very easy to be yourself because it's an unassuming place to get to know people, guy or girl. Most people don't take a job somewhere to meet someone.
Who is the world have not cheated? Every time you look through what people wear you are cheating your partner. Every time you compare someone with your partner you are cheating. Every time that thought comes to your mind which you don't want to take it away you are cheating again. It is hard to live without petty cheating but it one should learn how to keep it under control. You allow it to grow, you make a big mistake.
I agree. Women are genetically more prone to cheating than men. Not only do they want to orgasm, they want to be 'taken' and tp be 'forced' to do filthy things, like A2M. If you are not giving that kind of treatment to your 'beautiful person' of a wife, she will find some hung stud to do it for you.
What a sad life you must have had to project such ugliness on half the human race. You need help.
That is total crap. Total, self-serving crap. If women's lives were ruled by chasing orgasm, most men wouldn't get more than one night with the same woman. Most men don't have a clue or a care about how to bring a woman to orgasm or what it means to her. Bringing a partner to orgasm is an expression of respect for their enjoyment of the experience. A women live without orgasm most days of her life, yet women are capable of loving and nurturing spouses and families.
hey pete, brain power is a good thing. you say only men can do it. as they do it with a woman. that did it at a drop of the hat with that man.
It`s been 7 yrs ago. My wife of 23yrs thought it would be fun to hook up with many on line. Well I found all this out 4 months after my dad passed. I also lost my sister 6 months before that. At the time our yongest was 3 we have 5 kids all together. With in that year we lost our house. She still clames she lost herself. I`v stayed more for the kids then us. I never felt bad for that I think I saved the kids from the worst. I find myself drinking more just to have time to forget kinda like a getaway for myself. I don`t think I will ever get over what she did and will never trust her again.
It's time to move on. A situation like that causes far more harm to the kids than a divorce would...
That sucks man. I hope things look up for you.
If you do trust her again, you're a fool.
Thieves are thieves, sadists are sadists, liars are liars and cheaters are cheaters.
Move on. Stop drinking and take the kids with you.
you must stick together never listen to the foolish jackals, there is a way that seems right by man but the end therein is death
I can definitely see validity in a lot of this article. I has cheated on by my GF about a year and a half ago, and it was just the same premise he outlines: she was living far away from me, she wanted an emotional connection. She met up with a guy we both knew in high school, and were friends with, and that friendship became emotional attachment.
When I finally discovered emails to him telling him she loved him, that was the nail in the coffin. She insisted it wasn't really physical, but it's only a matter of time until it is, so I broke things off. Even if she decided she liked me more, the trust is gone. One wishes they'd at least TELL you they love someone else so the break-up can happen amiably.
Women would never admit it. They're cowards who can't bear to be alone
Not all women are cowards and not all women are afraid to be alone. I knew from an early age that I am a very independent woman so I decided never to marry. I love men and have been fortunate to have some very wonderful ones in my life now and then. I remain friends with them all. I live alone and I am as happy as can be. It is best to know oneself before choosing to enter a marriage because if marriage is for you, you stand a better chance of recognizing the right partner for you. If marriage is not for you, you should stay out of it. In either case, you need maturity and integrity.
Women are like monkeys – they will NEVER let go of one branch until they have firmly got a grip on another.
@ZooKeeper hahahah thanks for the laugh
Zookeeper, you don't know many actual women, do you?
Im a man married 13 years have been meeting a married woman once a month for
6 years.We do it laugh a bit then go back to our regular lives.Its been like a monthly
night for us to get lost in each other and have variety.so far its been a great arrangement.
and we both dont regret it at all.We still love our spouses.One day a month of total hot variety.
We are close friends.Does that hurt anybody?keeps our marriages intact.
Truthfully, your marriage is not in tact if you have to cheat. you need to check yourself
Truthfully, your marriage is not in tact if you have to cheat.
You are like a boy whistling in the wind. You will get served. Karma is a beoch
"it's been a great arrangement"? maybe for you and her...not for your spouses. Tell me this, if the spouses knew what you two were up to, how do you think they would react?
I can't wait until her husband finds out, snaps, and goes on a shooting rampage.
Your wife knows and the only reason she hasn't confronted you about it is because she's doing a neighbor.
Its a catch 22.. Women will cheat for the emotional etc. But the man they are cheating with are just telling them what they want to hear and make them feel good so they will cheat/ when the cheating is done the guy will be just as boring or dis-interested in them like the person they are already with. It's a vicious cycle that needs to be broken, and I've found that alot of women aren't content being mothers and being monogamous, They don't tell men the severity of their feelings, just bottle them up and one day ... Gone.
Cheating is horrible for both parties, specially if kids become aware it can extremely stressful and depressing for them. Some woman cheat after they got cheated on, it opens a door of flirtation and lust that helps self esteem, makes them feel equal and end feeling like the fool.
I hear you Frank! Man, I am SUPERMAN and can do wonderful things to a woman, things she doesn't realize that will make her feel like a woman!
GET A LIFE CLOWN! You are probably 5' 2" 246 pounds with zits all over your face!
Has Frank been here? He forgot the p0rn on in the basement!
I applaud you!
There is no high ground to support cheating. It's not acceptable in any light. There is no reason that makes it ok to cheat. Adultery is a definition for both parties. Just because you are not the one married doesn't mean that you are not an adulterer. Point: it's not ok to cheat. It's disrespectful and childish behavior. Are humans perfect? No, but that's not an excuse for acting like a tool. There is no double standard that makes cheating ok. To think that, probably is an insight into the retarded nature of the individual.
Yeah, right, let's hear you say that after you've been married 15 years
I've been married for 15 years and I totally agree. Cheaters are cowards who are too scared to end their relationships. They want the security blanket to fall back on. There is absolutely no reason to cheat if you are willing to say "it's over and I'm moving on with a divorce." otherwise you're a spineless piece of c rap.
i agree completely with phat and Jon, adultery is a disgusting sin in any light, and NOTHING justifies it
I love how the woman in the photo has the body of a 12-year-old boy.
you are mistaken......
The first sentence of this article immediately disturbed me. I beg to differ.
if you are referring to the background of the writer, i understand
if you are referring to the actual first line of the article, ill see you in hell you ignorant Liberali
great conversations. What a hoot!
My ex cheated on me after 20 years of marriage that was slowly dying out..on one hand, she was the braver for taking the initiative, in spite of lying..I can handle the transgression and infidelty..it was her lying about it after that was the nail in the coffin for me. We remain friends...as it will always be far better to have a good divorce than a bad marriage..so that is what we did.
Yep, I had a similar experience and my marriage survived, for now. This article is 100% on the spot.
Ditto, I had my wife do that to me after 19yrs, and the lying was what finished it for me as well. I had all the facts and details and was still lied to for months before the truth came out. I hung on for 3 more years but it was eating me alive so I had to end it to keep the peace for us all.
Thanks CNN for the signs of a cheating women.
Now I know what to watch for in my office and get an idea of which women to prowl on.
exactly what I was thinking
I've always wondered if guys that target cheating women are actually gay, who wants sloppy seconds? I kind of view it as a way a guy can be with a guy without actually being with a guy. If there is no emotion involved you might as well rub some meat against a urinal and take it home for pleasure.
LOL! .....Man, that's just wrong!
Laughing my butt off.
Well if I was a selfish p_ick with weak moral fiber I would have taken the time to research. You're more of the bumble around until something falls in your lap kinda guy. To each his own I suppose.
It's ok women after the age of 50 really have nothing to look forward to. Menapouse, wrinkles. sagging ars and everything else starts breaking down. Men after 50 seem to get better with age hence younger female's and better partners...........just saying.
rgpaps : you are absolutely right.
I'm a guy, but even I realize that's b.s.
Most guys end up being old, wrinkled, sickly, and/or overweight, "has-beens".
BTW, most older women are making out with very young guys for a reason: the young guys can keep up with them.
Old guys don't have the energy or endurance anymore, without some kind of implant or medication.
That's the reality. Don't kid yourselves with bs myths.
Lol, yeah. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better, rgpaps25.
Not sure who you been hanging around with, but I beg the differ. Not even close sweetheart. Not even close.
Put any age man with a younger, hotter female and watch the "medical" issue disappear.
If you think its because they are "old" you are very wrong.
Being with the same person for years and watching her deteriorate is unnatural for males. We desire younger females because that is how we are made. To procreate.
Monogamy is crap.Just like religion.
women who are young and attractive do not want an old man in their 50s... Guys do not think for a moment that any young attractive female would be interested in you.. you are too old and past your prime... go find someone your own age.
I'm a guy, but I must say that in general, you are right. Young attractive females that would even be remotely interested in old men are either escorts or women that want the financial security. Nothing more.
The "thing" is a lot of women are now making more money than ever before, so their need for financial security from an older guy is diminishing.
I think the majority of guys (ie those who aren't famous or have tons of money) are going to be in for a rude awakening when they get old. Most women won't even give them a second look.
Men's WALLETS seem to get better (fuller) with age. What do you think those younger hot girls are looking for? A has-been wrinkled I-know-it-all butt?
Winterman: you are right on the money.
LOL. LOL. LOL. How wrong can a person be!
I hv a gf & another 1 – a legal lady who wants to connect. If I give VD or STD to the legal lady I'll lose my home, my savings, my car & everything. I'm going to kiss-off the legal lady.
I have to admit.. When i see older couples who have been married for 20,30,40 + years I have to say I know why they stayed together so long.... The woman. She didn't give up. She stuck through, just like the vows say to. I know the women of this age are alot more selfish and self indulgent then the women of the past. And I find that men have become alot more sensitive and caring compared to the men of the past. It's this "role reversal" that makes it tough for today's couples to stay together. If you are contemplating marriage/ contemplate it some more before you enter something and bring children into this world.
Wow, that's a really basied statement. How do you know that it wasn't the guy that changed or made consessions during the relationship? There are many issues in a relationship that many men just suck it up and take. For example, I know of a couple where the guy works like two jobs to finanane his wife spending habits. Now as long as he is able to continue she's happy. That does not mean that this is a healthy or good relationship. I could honestly see them together for 30 to 50 years, but based on what you said, it was something that she was doing.
@James, I agree with you. I've known quite a few women who were completely sick of their lazy husbands. The husbands' only responsibility is WORK, and b!tch about that non-stop. A woman, on the other hand, will tend to view work more positively...but her responsibilities don't end at 5pm when she leaves the office: she still has kids to take care of, a house to take care of, etc. At some point, a breaking point is reached, and she decides to leave the guy so she can spend the rest of her life FREE.
The best way to reduce female spousal cheating is to reform the divorce laws. Property division and child custody laws overwhelmingly favor women. So if their marriage works out, they have it made. And if their marriage fails, they have it made. But a man going into a marriage is walking blindfolded into a minefield; he can either win or lose.
great point!! you are spot on ..
I'd rather rely on marrying a good woman, knowing her well enough that I have confidence and the skills necessary to resolve problems without resorting to becoming a lying cheat. In the end, we are all responsible for the decisions we make. If you marry someone who isn't responsible or considerate enough to respect and love you enough to do the right thing at all times, then you married the wrong person. We all reap what we sow, and we are all held accountable, sooner or later.
Good luck with that. I've been married for almost 6 years, 4 years into it the wife got tired of normal life and had an affair with someone we went to highschool with. We're working through it but its definitely changed things.
Point is, you think you know someone, but you never do.
Jim– Wow, what a stupid comment. I make almost twice what my husband makes. In your world, where only money matters, I lose out, as I pay the majority of our joint bills. I'd be much better off financially if I didn't marry him. But, I love him more than anything in this world, and we have a satisfying, committed, exciting, mutually-enhancing relationship. THAT's why I have it made, you misogynistic 1950's relic, not because I looked for a man to support me and plan on stiffing him in a divorce.
Are there any other professional women out there who agree with me?
Hell yeah man. I recently found out that my wife was cheating on me with a neighbor. I feel like I should be able to take all of her possessions since she totally disrespected our marriage by screwing the dude next door.
My mother-in-law earns three times what her husband earns, plus she owns her own business and some other assets. The husband, on the other hand, is the spendthrift of the two of them: he's always buying new boats, or a new car, or going on exotic hunting expeditions.
Not all women are spenders, and not all men are hard-working and money-smart. That's a stereotype that just needs to die.
I agree with heather, the laws are catching up. The divorce agreements are looked at for what each partner claims financially, (hey there is WOMAN actually making a decent living!) and also if children are involved ;what the children best interests are including (child supprt) and it is not neccesarily the man paying child support . Then again, there is the people who choose to get married and divorced wasting everybody's time... for instance some states are just too leniet, like Nevada! !
This is the most uninformed comment I've ever read. Women certainly do not "have it made" when it comes to divorce. Most women get the children in a divorce and they also end up with all of the bills and responsibility. Yes, men have to pay child support, but a good percent of them don't pay at all (oh, so sorry that you have to HELP PAY for your children, what an inconvenience.) However, things like, nightly homework, baths, soccer practice, recitals, school projects, doctor/dental appointments and most all other responsibilities that should be shared between parents are put off on the mother. Being a single parent is an extremely stressful lifestyle. Pilling bills and an extraordinary amount of responsibility that should be shared on to one person is not "having it made." Get over yourself.
Heather - That is exactly what Jim is saying, that the laws need to be updated to reflect this. He's not a 1950's relic, but the laws are.
Far too often, women end up with sole custody of the children, despite the father being a perfectly capable parent; Then they are awarded not just child support (which is of course absolutely correct), but a huge alimony settlement on top of that, even when she has a well paying job.
Most of the laws and decrepit old judges assume that a woman is helpless and can't take care of herself without being given half of her husbands net worth, even if she is a professional with a large bank account herself.
This IS changing in some cases, in some states; but FAR to slowly.
Heather, I agree with you. But I can see where Jim is coming from. The way I see it, men and women are equal (or should be at least). I think the entire court system should be revamped in every aspect, not just divorce. I personally can't understand the concept of cheating to begin with; my husband and I have been together for six years now, married for one. I find that life looses it's luster every so often and everyone has those pesky passing thoughts. But when I have thoughts along those lines, I discuss them with my husband, as he does with me. I feel that if you can't have communication, then you're lacking a fundamental building block for a relationship to begin with. Point is, if you just aren't feeling it ladies, end it! Fellas, don't use the double standard as an excuse and same as women, just end it. Men are equally as evolved as women, and have emotions just like women, even if they don't show it. It's awful that people cheat, no matter what the reason, but it doesn't change the fact that it happens. Just do what you can to have a good moral standing, and that will matter more in the long run. You may not have the love that you wanted so badly, but you'll have your character and dignity.
Everyone–This is the issue I take with Jim's comment: "So if their marriage works out, they have it made. And if their marriage fails, they have it made." This stems from the belief that an unmarried woman does NOT have it made and is looking for a man to fix that; the richer the man, the better. That is crap. Regarding divorce and child custody laws–I figured it was simply a given that they're woefully outdated and unjust, just like a great many other laws currently on the books. Most of the comments to this article lead me to believe that the writers–male and female–are using people and relationships as mere social-climbing fuel. And that's quite sad.
This is why they should change the name of Facebook to CHEATBOOK. Hooking up with people is all that s**t is good for. I am a probation officer working with men involved in domestic violence, and CHEATBOOK is the reason a lot of the conflict begins, with cheating by men and women alike. Cheating is cheating. The end.
Yours is not a representative sample.
I concur 100% with regards to Facebook. My former fiance and an old flame hooked up via Facebook. End result, she's out the door and regretting her stupidity. FB allows immature people, who have had trouble letting go of the past, or better yet, those who want to relive the past, a forum to seek out old BFs or GFs.
Funny, I've never used it for cheating. It's more of a scheduler for me. Maybe only cheaters should be kept off Facebook, the rest of us can use it responsibly.
Women cheat just as much as men for the same reasons. They have low self esteem and are unhappy and bored with their own lives. Rather than fixing themselves they cowardly blame their partners and the relationship. The person who is cheated on heals and finds strength in themselves, they typically end up in a happier place. The cheater never deals with his/her issues and contaminates their new relationships with their old problems.
Very correct, but both sides can heal. I've been on both ends of it. The reasons you mentioned are totally, 100% the reasons, but I learned from each situation. I've learned to not project my unhappiness onto my other and rely on them to prop me up when I am down, that's unfair and it's tiring. To have a strong relationship you must have strong individuals. I know now if I find myself waning then I must have sincere, honest dialogue the moment it starts to happen. This way the other person knows I'm bored, wanting something I'm not getting, frustrated, etc. In both situations the solution has seemed to come down to knowing yourself and being open to let your other know as well. If you pretend that everything is okay or start changing yourself to fit someone else just to protect the 'relationship' you're really just saving an 'image', but not anything that's ultimately important.
Ohhh yes, this is so true. I was married for 16 years. She left me because she felt she had to find her self and she met some one on the internet. She had a low self esteem no matter how many times I would tell her how beautiful she was. Ever time I wanted to talk about a problem she would shut me down and tell me she didn’t want to talk about it right now. It cost me my marriage. Now she’s no longer with the man she left me for and calls me wanting to come back home. She has not seen her kids in almost 3 years. She in Canada claiming she stuck and cant get back to see them. I was happy in my marriage but apparently she wasn’t.
I think one of the reasons female infidelity gets so much less attention is it is seen as a failure on the male's part. If a male cheats, he is seen as doing something bad because he is bad. If a female cheats it is seen as a failing in the male for not being good enough/man enough/etc.
true, that is a double standard. most folks think that the guy ain't statisfying her enough, but it could be that she is just selfish.
If people were just open and honest about their feelings, there would not be as many problems. Ask your spouse if you can sleep with another person. Maybe they would like to be able to as well. Another option is start swinging and do it as a couple.
Yay for polyamory! My partner and I are polyamorous, and it works so well for us. Certainly not a one-size-fits-all arrangement, but for those who can and want to make it work, it's so liberating.
"For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt. "
So when a man cheats on his wife, it's really something that sort of just happens to him, because he's at the wrong place at the wrong time, kind of like walking down the street minding your business and then having a bird poop on you. Darn, that happened, oh well, totally not my fault.
I am so tired of this sort of ridiculous "explanation" (and by explanation I mean pathetic excuse) for men cheating.
Ian Kerner, grow up.
I totally agree with you Lauren. It is not someting that just happens to a man. I have been into this situation and i would say that there are two situations: 1) where man is approached by a woman (in office, facebook, msn ....one way or another) and he is the one provoking that charm coming towards his way. He could have easily just turn it down 2) where man is intimidated and he is just "fooling around / nice conversation" (in office, facebook, msn... one way or another)....and leads up a woman into emotional involvment. And like the auther said, woman do like to get emotionally involved before the end up cheating.
I am 56 years old and have watched a lot of ilicit relationships over the years. Every woman cheats. They are just better liars and and better at hiding their activities. I have had relationships with seven women, every one of them cheated. Some cheated on me and some used me without my knowledge to cheat on someone else. My ex-wife had three "one true loves" during our marriage. When each one of her "one true loves" dumped her she took it out on me. The best thing that ever happened to me was when she divorced me for one of her "one true loves." He dumped her as soon as the divorce was final. I have watched office relationships and the significant cost to familys and the soon to be ex-husbands. Women wonder why I won't get married again....
sorry you're such a loser
To say every woman cheats is as bad as saying every man cheats. It's not true at all. If you've had that many women cheat on you, then maybe they weren't the problem ...
Sorry you are a loser.
I've never cheated in my life and never will....because of the moral fiber I'm made of, instilled in me by my parents and then nutured by myself.
I have been cheated on though and that person never got a even a smidge of a 2nd chance
What is with this picture the female appears to be twelve (12)?? Could we have done a little better and posted an image of someone who has passed puberty??
Ok, it looks like they are rotating the images...this one's better than the child.
It could just as likely be a 'fashionably' thin model with under-developed musculature. More than a few of those around. It fits the article, don't dwell on the trivial.
If she cheat, I will crush her.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I must break you!
I make it clear that if they cheat they do it in another bed and in another house and to be safe. I'd rather see a hotel room charge on the credit card statement than to come home and hear her giggling and another guy's voice in our bedroom. That's just intentionally hurtful. And any guy who claims he couldn't control himself is a liar. Period.
Listen everyone. There is a simple solution to cheating partners. Why not put a lovecurse on them?
I would! And I'd sleep fine at night, in fact better!
Wow! Quite entertaining here this morning..
Firm believer that everything good or bad comes back to
you....Now if I could just see a little more of that "good."
Hmmm, women cheat because they are not getting attention from husband/boyfriend or don't feel loved or sometimes are bored in bed? Men cheat because there wife/girlfriend aren't giving it enough or are bored in bed? Sounds equal to me. NOT if your Al Bundy = Married with kids! If your Al Bundy and you cheat & it's found out = Your wife can leave, take kids and take 25% from for the kids. If your Al Bundy & your wife cheats & it's found out = Your wife can leave, take kids and take 25% of your pay for the kids. A man has to worry about losing kids & money. For the most part a woman never has to worry about losing the kids = less risk for her.
You all need to take a page out of the Hawaiian system. They figured out that overtime, the situation would get boring so, the partners agreed to allow three extramarital affairs in their relationships. Problem solved.
3 allowed affairs is great...but what do I do after the first year???
Hmnmmm, maybe each person counts as one affair, even if you sleep with them 50 times. That could work.
These whiny guys and the idiot author need to get over it. The husband/boyfriend is at fault when the woman cheats. If you don't pay any attention to her, you get what you deserve.
Men cheat because they are pigs. Women, leave him if he cheats.
So what you're saying is women don't have the intellect to make informed decisions?
You must be fat.
...way to duck your own responsibility. YOU are responsible for your own behavior. If someone is not happy in a relationship, they can leave. There is no excuse for cheating...period.
Your ridiculous. Typical woman. Nothing is ever your fault. You probaly expect equality plus special treatment as well. I've never cheated and I've always been cheated on. I've always given women all the attention they need and I've always treated them with great respect. In return I get Sh!t on. They usually leave me for a man of opposite charactor who treats them badly and cheats on them, they get what they want. My generation of women are fubar. The only way to keep a woman anymore is to fatten your pocket. They are nothing but a bunch of selfish gold-diggers. To all the real women out there, this is not directed towards you, if you even exist.
So, if the man cheats, it's because men are pigs, and if the woman cheats, it's because men are inattentive and distant.
Thanks, I was in need of a laugh.
Bitter much? Lol
Men cheat cause they're pigs, women cheat cause they're pigs. At least men have the balls–no pun– to admitt it. 😉
Women know exactly what they are doing: preserving their happiness. Men?
Just because you THINK you're doing everything to make her happy doesn't mean you are. Unfortunately, men are too stupid to read the signs.
Yeah right, you're just trolling for responses, I doubt you believe what you say, unless you just hate men by default. Men and women are both just as guilty and chear for the same reasons the other does. A man can act perfectly towards a woman and have her cheat on him and the man can do the same on a woman that did everything for him, too. There's no secret here.
Translation; You've been hurt but haven't managed to deal with it constructively. That weight is going to crush you eventually.
So its always the mans fault? What if the man spends most of his time with his wife and does anything for her yet she still chats? Is that to the mans fault?
That has to be the most stupid post on here...congrats here's your sign! You are officailly an idiot!
70 % of American men and women have HPV. (Don't know what that is, now you're really in trouble) Most of them have not outward evidence of the disease. Knock yourself out, cheaters. Cervical cancer anyone? Throat and head cancer, anyone? Knock yourselves out cheaters. I love my clean , faithful mate!
Bad news...at 70%, chances are you and your "clean mate" have HPV as well.
Wonk, Wonk, Wooooooooooooonk.
I had to laugh out loud at the "wonk wonk woooooonk." Thanks. 🙂
@Thinquer Although the symptoms and areas affected are correct, that 70% was a number you pulled out completely from your a$$. There are at least 311 million people in the U.S. and you saying that 70% of them have it is totally untrue. CDC have recorded at least 20 million Americans have HPV (whether they know it or not). If it really were 70% then chances are that your "clean mate" might have something to talk to you about..
Indeed, I don't normally sit at the computer laughing to myself. Well, not normally on a Thursday anyway.
My wife, cheated on me so I got with her mother and her siter, what a payback.
Why did they change the pic???
The other one they say the girl look under aged
70 % of American men and women have HPV. (If you don't know what that is, now you're really in trouble) Most of them have not outward evidence of the disease. Cervical cancer anyone? Throat and head cancer, anyone? Knock yourselves out cheaters. I love my clean , faithful mate!
Women often cheat for the purpose of trying to seduce a man with a HIGHER socio-economic level. ie. seducing .a man earning $500,000 per year while their husband earns +/-$40,000 .....
No, that MARRY the man with the money and hook up with wanna-be gansta's at the local clubs for fun.
Good heavens! A man making $500k a year?! D@mn right I will try and seduce the man making that much for socio-economic gain! And I'm a guy!
My ex cheated on me and the entire community (church, her family, my ex-employeer, and mutual friends) in hick town of Garner, NC knew what was going on. No one had the Stones to tell me that I was being played like a fool. That has taught me to be more perceptive. I was noticing a change (the entire list above)but thought it was growing pains of being two educated young adults marrying before they turn 23. I was told early on from a counsler that is she did not want to attend it was over. So this article is so true!! If you are a man and you read this article and said yes. Call your attorney and start going to the gym to get ready for the nightlife again. Also if you are to old for the clubs, the online dating is not bad, just be ready to meet some crazy people with a lot of drama. I am glad that my ex did cheat, I turned out to be the good guy and found my new wife in about 2 years after being very picky. I also now have a better job, happy family, and even more money in the bank. SO THANKS FOR CHEATING ON ME AND GIVING ME EVERTYTHING THAT YOU I ALAWYS WANTED. LATER B!tch!
I'm a Pastor here in Atlanta and I must say that I sleep with many married women at my church. I find it funny that when a couple stands before me asking me for help I can't help but laugh inside and stay to myself the this women was just at my condo getting blessed....
I think that he is making this up.
A wolf in sheeps clothing.
@Harry you're idiot – You wrote a story about a man being paralyzed and taking his family on vaca and killing himself and his family when they got back..Really? I'm a Pastor the rules don't apply to me hell I would sleep with your wife if she came to me wanting to get blessed. The bible says be fruitful so who am I not to follow the word....
1 Cor 6:9.10
Yes this pastor dude is really making this up. Really, you are a Pastor sleeping with your male congregations wives, trying to bless them? Where did you get that story from? Tyler Perry? Seriously you are funny. What I said actually did happen in Philly a couple of years ago. The whole blessed thing is beyond wrong to the point of not believable.
I wanna be a priest now! where can i sign up?
Looks like everyone saw right through that one. You're definitely no pastor!
Wow Pastor Dawg – lie however you need to on CNN blogs to grow your ego – I mean needle dick.