April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET
Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.
That’s not to say that men don't cheat because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.
That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt. It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.
While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.
Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends." Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.
So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?
– She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings
– She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive
– She has less interest in sex with her partner
– She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work
– She seems happy, except when she's around her partner
– She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family
– There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her
– She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time
Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other." Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.
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Cheating is a human nature, no doubt that man is the knight, but woman is human and almost has the mind of man; I don't think that men belleive that woman will not cheat; so how comes that all these women fooling around? who are they? Married right? The mindset of man superiority lies behind his false beleif..
Jealousy is human nature too. That always needs to be thrown in as a caveat when people say "cheating is human nature." It seems convenient to forget the other part.
cheating is not human nature. it is lack of integrity and people that cheat need to reinforce their own lack of character by insisting it is merely human nature.
From an evoultionary standpoint male infidelity is a positive trait. It allows for more reproduction and the passing on of favorable genetic traits. The current perceptions of society condemn infidelity based on religious aspects and personal belief systems. It comes down to the simple fact we have evolved to such a point where our species is in no danger of extinction and developed a prefrontal cortex for logic and reason, decision making, ect. that basically negates what would once have been a valid possitive action in the process of the continuation of the species. If you or your partner has been unfaithful, there is a serious issue in the relationship where one persons needs are not being adequately met or there own fears and insecurities are driving them to seek outside validation and acceptance. I personally feel infidelity is wrong. I would never inflict that kind of pain on my wife nor would i want to be with anyone other than her.
I doubt my wife would even turn down the hot blonde on 4. goodness
Why is there an 11 year old girl in the picture?
If we are a result of some cosmic accident and there is no judgement in the end then what difference does it make is she is 11. On the other hand if we are not the result of some cosmic accident and there is an accounting then there is a difference.
Spoken like a true fattie!
@Karek40 . . . . Do you really have to have a cosmic consequence to tell you when something is wrong or not? Are you an unbelieveable d o u c h e or what? WOW!
she could be married in alabama, or just a thin woman!
Hahahahahahaha!!! Good catch!
Hahaha! I was thinking the same.
Sorry about your b00bs, Valerie....
She's not 11. She's just not fat/obese like most American women. Maybe she's from NYC or California or Colorado where most people are not fat. That's how a woman is supposed to look - healthy.
Because she's hotter than you
I thought it was that dude from Hanson. That is pretty sad.
Toni, I don't think she was commenting based on how thin this woman is, but rather how little her chest is. You can be thin, in shape, and have actual breasts y'know. Common sense sugar.
what's wrong with flat chested girls..they want to get some too just like men with small privates and there is a lot of you out there more than we think...you know who you are!!!!!!!!!!
that is just what I was thinking. Why is this image one of a little girl with the incredible hulk? (sans green tan)
You must be fat.
and I just finished reading the rest of the responses. It has nothing to do with her thin build, but in combination with height, and his build, there is a definite childlike appearance to this woman (especially since we can't see her face.)
Those are not the arms and hands of a skinny child.
lol i thought the same. a giant and a 12 year old.
everybody devolpes at diferent times!!
11 year olds need love too...
11 years old girl is under age in this topic.But i want some FLAT @ss Women.For this kinder Cheating !I can not do fat women.
My wife of 12 years cheated. why? i think she went through a mid-life crises (ok a little early ). I am 37 and disabled. she found a 29 yr old (very good looking) kid who had money to burn (still lived with his parents in the basement). he started off as a "friend" but was takeing her to expensive places and spending lots of money on her. she thought it was love and decided to sleep with him. now after 6 months of it she sees she made a mistake and why he is still living with his parents.
Oh, please excuse me, Tom. Does felatio city work better for you?
Get a dictionary, dude. That's still wrong.
a lot of women don't know what they want untill their kicked to the crub
First of all, saying falacio or however it is spelled, is lame.
haha hey i gave your wife a dirty sanchez
Tom, get the bug out of your *ss. Misspelling words happens, even to you I'm sure. It wouldn't have been so bad if you had just corrected him, but the personal attacks? You seem pretty butt-hurt over the subject to go after him like that. Are there problems at home Tom?
I share with you emotionally in this moment ! I'm Anyway and always loving free WOMEN ,But not Crack head..
And of course the men that sleep with a married woman had no choice, poor weak, led-by-the-balls knuckle-dragging goobers that they are....
That is precisely why the vast majority of men who are unmarried at 30 are complete losers.
No, cupcake the guys who are unmarried are VERY VERY smart. Who wants to marry a walking blimp who'll only complain and get bigger and nag all the time? So many young women, so little time. There is absolutely no advantage to being married for a man with money, means and a career.
Right, sleeping with married women is somehow a failure for single men? All the benefits, none of the commitment, no worries she'll be begging you for a ring or dragging you off to spend time with her girlfriends or watching crappy movies. Just wham-bam-thank you ma'am.
Hey, even my best gf tried to "do" my hubby. I just hate to say it but, women cannot trust other women when it comes to men. It's just in our genes.
Boy, Tom – what is it with you? "Who wants to marry a walking blimp who'll only complain and get bigger and nag all the time? So many young women, so little time. There is absolutely no advantage to being married for a man with money, means and a career." Bitter much? From the way you talk, the first question any woman you approach should be: "Are you current on all your shots?"
So true! The poor helpless men. And the reason the marriages are more likely to fail if the woman is cheating is because women are more likely to take the high road and forgive these knuckle dragging imbeciles, while the men can't recover their poor bruised egos enough to carry on in the relationship.
I agree. The article makes it sound like because women cheat when the relationship is basically over and men cheat just because they feel like it, but never had the intention of ending the relationship that somehow one is way worse than the other. Really sad way to justify the double standard.
Don't get me grammar police. I know that was a major run-on.
To each his own but it just seems like we have a lot of woman haters on here. I'm just saying....
hey tom, more married men gain more weight than married women.
Women cheat because there are lots of men willing to cheat with them.
women dont cheat *because* there are men willing to cheat with them. Maybe it just so happens there are men willing to be with them, but dont blame the men
women or anyone who cheats do it because they have no integrity or character and they are selfish. They have the ability to say NO. Dont blame anyone else but the cheater...after all, we are all responsible for our own actions...RIGHT?
Agreed with emily. Every single person (male or female) has the ability and nature to cheat, and could easily come up with over 100 reasons to rationalize it. The whole point of monogamy and/or marriage is that you're committing to someone else that you won't act on those desires or reasons, and that you trust that they won't either. If you're too big of a sociopath to enter into that type of commitment, don't do it.
My wife did it. Couldn't handle the responsibilities of Autism and child rearing. She needed to be a kid again, hooked up with a young guy with a big motorcycle and never looked back. These days her life is just ducky at the bottom of beer can and on facebook all day. When she does have the kids, it's out to dinner or microwave meals to go.
Who said anything about it being a higher reason? Cheating is cheating, I don't care what the reason is...no reason is better than another. The only points the article was trying to make was that men and women cheat for different reasons and when a woman cheats the relationship is less likely to work out because she's basically given up (where as a man may cheat and still want to be in the relationship).
Amen..... You are completely correct!! Thank you
Women initiate more than 60 percent of all divorce proceedings. Most are uncontested, because the man will do anything to avoid going to court, because he knows that once it is put in public record that he had an affair, he will lose his shirt.
Don't get it twisted... a man who decides he wants to stay with his wife simply stays with his wife. A man who has an affair is just as checked out of the relationship as a woman who has an affair, he is simply trying to find a way to get out and still leave that biotch penniless.
WOW someone gets it... thank god.
Bitter much? Does that make men pigs because the percentage of men that can't keep their pants on is somewhat higher than women?
If the hoof fits.
I often have a problem keeping my pants on when I am home...I like the feeling of not having to wear pants and then my girlfriend says "Where are your pants at?" and I reply "not on".
LOL! Remind me not to drop by unannounced.
No, the percentage of men that get CAUGHT doing it is higher than women.
I would have to agree with this as well. Woman are much better at controlling their emotions. They can come home from visiting their lover and give you a big kiss. Men cheat MORE often than woman, but are clearly not as slick.
No. It just makes men the more convenient targets of blame for relationship troubles that involve both.
i'm gonna have to disagree with you there. i didnt read anywhere in the article that we cheat for 'a higher reason'.
Then what is your reason exactly?
Is the imbecile who wrote this article for real? LOL What an ignorant tool.
Lykis! Loved his radio show.
why is it that whenever a guy doesnt know what else to say he calls the poster fat or fattie? I dont understand that logically....
I really dont think 5'6 and 115 pounds is considered fat
I've been with my husband for 16 years and while out on maternity leave i discovered he was cheating on me with numorous women and was seeing another woman for 11 years during our relationship. Im so sick to my stomach and depressed. Now that i have to focus on my twin boys, im not sure if to stay in this marriage for them or to leave. I have no desire to cheat on him with another man, but i am afraid to continue on with him knowing that one day he might infect me or leave me for another woman.
You can pretty much bet that anyone who posts anonymously, calling people fat, disgusting, or whatever degrogatory term you can think of has low self esteem, a McJob and no money in the bank, no steady relationship, and blames everyone for his station in life. Who cares what other poeple think?
Yes, and probably has a 100 lb gut, shriveled genitals, a hairy butt and still thinks he's hot.
****VeryFaithful*****, I have been married to my wife for 18 years as of this last weekend. Not High School Sweethearts. You should really have a sit down and seek some counseling marriage as well as personal. I wouldn't even after 18 years and two kids stay with my wife. It is a matter of commitment (I am not a religious freak). It has to do with a how much you love your significant other. We have our fights and drag downs but always come back to each other. has it crossed my mind or hers, I'm sure it has. I think to myself is it worth it. Do I really want to be single. Financially we both could survive fine but for me it's about more than that we know each other's likes and dislikes, quirks and faults and we look past them. You know.
Faithful, you have 2 children to think about. He was sleeping with other women while he made you pregnant and while you were pregnant. He is not a decent person. Think of yourself and think of your children. If he does make you sick, who will care for your children? Who you believed he was, well, he is not that person. Be faithful to yourself, be faithful to your kids, but don't be faithful to selfish dirt. Believe me, staying together with this jerk for the sake of your kids is doing the kids no favors. Please leave this horrible, selfish man.
I really dont think 5'6 and 115 pounds is considered fat.
Sure wish my wife were that size. She started out at 5' 4" and 120, but is now up to 200. A fire hydrant is more attractive. The earlier comments about women getting fat and naggy after marriage are all too true, at least the fat part. The nagging hasn't started...yet.
veryfaithful, do your children a favor and leave him. When my mom and dad finally split up, my sister and I were almost adults, and we were happy they did. We've never understood why they stayed together for so long when they simply hated each other, my dad was a drunk and abusive. My mom had a nervous breakdown and I was too scared to tell anyone, so I basically became mom for years until my mom could think again. I was only 16 when that happened. I went to work, went to school, paid the bills, and even paid for my own graduation and took care of my little sister.
Please don't do that to your own kids. Don't make them suffer for years. It isn't worth it. No, its not better to stay for the kids, no matter what people want to think. Your kids know something is wrong, even if you don't tell them, and they will hate you both for it.
if you stay in the marriage, what kind of lesson is that teaching your boys? They may be young now but later they'll know that it must be ok for men to cheat becaus the women stay. I wouldnt be able to stay because your husband has had zero respect for you for years....
Men don't cheat out of disrespect for their wife. They cheat because they are selfish morons who get bored easily. Divorcing him does nothing for your boys except create more havoc. Get couseling and make him stay and be a full time father. Children should not be cheated out of having a 'normal' homelife just because one of the parents got scared of their responsibility. Yes – you stay together for the sake of the children, but who said you ever tell them about this? Kids do not need to know everything. There are far too many articles on the hazards of growing up in a one parent family. Make the buffoon stay and live up to his responsibility.
Debbie, you're wrong. The cheating occurs because s*x with the old lady is no longer fulfilling. She wants to avoid s*x because it might muss her hair, or prevent her from watching QVC on TV. The guy's s*xual needs are not being satisfied and his wife has turned into an unattractive shrew. Sounds to me like a recipe for extramarital...er...activities.
Men cheat because they're being whiny childish jerks. If I ever catch my husband cheating just once, we're done.
Frank, you should charge them extra and do those things to them.
You rock, Tom!
Tom Leykis could write a similar article insulting women far worse and have done a much better job. I'm sure he would have at least included some factual statistical information backing his claims. And I BET you anything that women would still love him after the fact. Sadly, CNN and the author have both lost respect and credibility for posting such crap without legitimate references. Is he still employed by CNN? I think the National Enquirer is hiring....someone please let him know...
Women have little tolerance for the double standard and are not marrying, having children or legally attaching themselves to a man. Why?? Because they have learned it is not in their best interest. Women are having kids & raising them on their own, investing in their future and retirement and towing the professional line with much less stress then men. But more so, women embrace their freedom and relationships, nourish their mind and self promote their lives. They have their cake and eat it too everyday and enjoy life and their self empowerment. BTW, the masses of women, would have no idea about your idea of "self-silence" much less entertain the idea implementing it, as you comically stated
I couldn't agree with you more as a woman who has decided that children, friends and a career are so much more rewarding when done on my terms!
Wow, quite a post, barely literate and chock full of tattered pop psych.
Most men are not "having their cake and eating it too." They're busting their balls to support their families. So you are at least right about modern womyn being less stressed out than men.
And raising kids in a one-parent household is rarely successful. A woman can't teach a boy to be a man, just as a man can't teach a girl to be a woman.
@jason Why can't a woman raise a boy to be man? Exactly what is your definition of a man? I'm sure there's plenty of single moms who have wonderful sons, and I'm plenty of single dads who have raised great daughters. Your comment is quite close-minded
Many people call such women MILF
Well said Tammy....If a woman values herself, her life, and her accomplishments, she's simply not going to settle for just anything...and she defitnitely won't settle for any cheating loser....I understand people are tempted on a daily basis..but make a decision already...grow the heck up...cheating is what you do when you're young, dumb, and full of...heh heh...well, you know...
If you need to get your rocks off...just be single and enjoy...don't drag the entire family down...geez...
Single parent households can be difficult, and while it is especially tricky to figure out how to raise a daughter as a single father, or at least trickier than it is with my son. It's worth every moment of it. The trick to doing it successfully, is the same as being successful at anything else. NEVER lose sight of what is important. You manage to keep that family in your mind as being the most important thing, and figure out the work situation that allows you to be the best damn parent you can be, and you make the most of it. In the end, every day is not easy, but it is entertaining.
Ironic considering women are the masters of double standards. I am all for people doing what is in their best interests, but not in the case of parents with children. You should be doing what is in the best interests of your children and studies have statistically shown a strong correlation between children raised with two parents in an actually family and being well adjusted people with a better chance of leading successful lives. If you want to adopt a kid all on your own, that is fine and dandy and more power to you. If you're actually going to conceive a child with someone then you owe it to that child to do your best to make sure that the person on the other end of the conception process is going to stick around and be a decent parent. Stop using your "empowerment" as an excuse to be selfish just to prove you "don't need a man".
Yep, why buy the pig to get a little sausage?
To the woman with twin boys: leave him. If he can't respect you enough to stay faithful to you, he isn't worth your time and energy.
Agree completely with you
I Agree. You can do much better and will if you want to.
Yeah! Leave him! After all, it isn't about the well being of your two sons. It's about YOU!
A buddy of mine had his wife run off on him after three kds and almost twenty years of marriage because she found "the man of her dreams" He and the kids were stunned. They never realized she was unahppy or bored because she never said anything. Even her parents were stunned. Now she is in Germany and he is stuck raising his kids. My opinion, she is selfish!
JL – Agreed. Totally selfish of her. Just awful.
But he's 'stuck' raising his kids? I would hope that he was also 'raising his kids' before she left. I hope you meant 'stuck raising his kids alone.' That has a bit of a different meaning.
My ex is gone, remarried, and I too am raising my kids. But am I stuck? Absolutely not. I'm glad somebody normal who cares for them is the one raising them to be adults.
i completely agree with you. It is selfish. she needs to get real and realize her kids need her to.
In your opening paragraph you suggest it hurts more when the woman cheats? Hurts who more, you? Wow, the underlying thread of justification for men cheating as a better thing, the lesser of two evils, something more natural... Get over yourself Ian, cheating on either side is always potentially devastating, a selfish thing requiring lying and deceiving the person you claim to love. It is a symptom of a bigger personal problem with self esteem, trust, communication and intimacy issues.
Spousal infidelity is more of an affront to a man, as it is taken as a negative reflection (to say the least) on his masculinity.
This attidude may also be biologically encoded, as a wife's infidelity may result in a man raising another man's child(ren).
I agree Bob...that comment was a total kick in the face to women. Nothing is a more devastating to a wife....what a callus thing to write...........
Considering the studies that support the much stronger negative effects of divorce on a man than on a woman, there's some truth to this. Pre-nups folks, doesn't matter how much you love somebody, we all know feelings can change and commitment is dead.
Study after study shows that men would be more upset if their wives cheated on them, while women would be more upset if their husbands "fell in love" with someone else. Women don't have to worry about raising another woman's kid because her man cheated. Women don't have as many problems in divorce court as men do.
So yes, it does "hurt" men more than women if somebody cheats.
Bob, I think the author was saying it hurts the relationship/marriage more when the woman cheats, not that a particular gender of person is hurt.
I've read a few articles by Ian, and in my opinion he's well-researched and pretty fair. I think he's basing this off of statistics that femail infidelity ruins more marriages than male infidelity, but I agree with you–it's easy to read his opening paragraph as a way of saying "it's not that bad when a man cheats." I don't think that's his intention at all, but it does come off that way–it deserves some revision.
I completely agree. As a woman nothing would be more devastating to me than if my husband cheated. I'm not sure our relationship could ever recover.
Stereotypes abound, we have to be careful not to insult the masses with the findings, but I agree that this is probably true...I bet more women cheat because they are actually not happy and most men cheat because they are POS and narcasistic (yes I winged that, spell check your own f'ing blog responses 🙂
5'6" is not fat by anymeans, but a boob job is surely in order (o)(o) 😉
No, women cheat because they are opportunistic and seek to increase the potential gene pool for their children. If they can do that while stealing consistent support from their husband for children that aren't his, that's even better. I shed no tears for poor Ms. He-didn't-meet-my-emotional needs. The sword of equality cuts both ways.
My wife cheated on me and got preagnant before we were married 10 months. She was overseas and I was trying to get her here. I forgave her and we now have a lovely 9 year old daughter that I love very much. I also love my wife. I'm 28 years older than her and disabled. I got her a job where I worked before I got laid off there and she has gone up the ladder quickly. the problem is, her ego went up faster than she did. She has lots of single friends who are probably coaching her. When I got my disability settlement, she took some and booted my ass out. We're separated, but I'm trying hard to reconsile without being used as a doormat.
So, you're a crippled, old cuckold. How special. 28 years older? She's must be real mutt.
You're a tool and a fool. How does it feel to have her boot on your neck all the time?
So, let's face it, she used you for years and she continues to use you (even after dumping your a$$). And you let this happen because you love her. You must have an extremely low opinion of yourself.
You're 28 years older than her. Gee I wonder how it could have all gone so wrong.
Sadly the fact that 'she booted you out' says everything. Why did you leave? It seems that maybe you really wanted out of the marriage yourself. Don't blame her friends – blame her and move on. She will get her just rewards someday, but it sounds like you are a nice guy and you should not let yourself be treated like that. Give her the divorce and find someone closer to your own age.
We're separated, but I'm trying hard to reconsile [sic] without being used as a doormat.
The doormat part occurred when she made a cuckhold out of you. Why even bother with reconciliation? She did it once, she'll do it again.
Pal, you sounds like a grade A sucker. You come across as weak and needy and she's feeding on that insecurity.
Let me get this straight, a young foreign girl married you for a greencard, got pregnant by some other man within months, had you raise that kid, took your money, and then chose to upgrade her husband?
Yeah man, you were suckered from day 1.
That really sucks, but there's a reason why this is a common story when bride shopping in developing countries
Note that the women who replied to your post still twist it around to look like the woman in your situation deserves sympathy. She deserves absolutely NONE. The men are telling you what you NEED to hear.
One guess as to how she's getting "up the ladder" so quickly (gobble gobble gobble)
My wife cheated on me and told me it was my fault because I wasn't meeting her "emotional needs". My opinion on this is that a "cheater" has thousands of options but has chosen a very destructive one. This choice is the cheater's and the cheater's alone. I do not except that the betrayed spouse owns a portion of the cheating decision. In my case, I do accept that I own some of the issue related to "emotionla needs".
No, if you weren't "meeting her emotional needs", then she should end the relationship instead of cheating on you. The ONLY person to blame for cheating is the actual cheater. The guy/girl your SO cheats WITH is not to blame because they didn't force your SO to cheat. You "driving her away" is irrelevant too, because if she cares so little about you so as to betray you, then she should have the minimal amount of human decency to at least end the relationship before hooking up with another guy.
But that's too much to ask apparently. If my gf cheats on me, out she goes immediately. No discussion, no help with anything, etc. Out she goes.
I completely agree with "Guy". I was married for 17 years and my husband started spending time with someone and then lied about it. Out he went. Sure we were having problems, but instead of talking to me and working them out he wanted to turn to someone else who was not worthy? Nope – out he went. Literally put all his crap on the front porch and changed the locks. They had not even slept together yet, but who needs to wait for that to happen? They later had a child together and then she dumped him – righteous karma if you ask me 🙂 Move on with no guilt.
Cheating after telling you that you weren't meeting her emotional needs was the final straw. If a woman has gotten to the point she feels a need to cheat it is an attempt to gain attention from you. You apparently missed all the signals before the cheating occurred.
Marriage is so pointless and overrated. Why would anyone do it?
For the same reason you apprantly choose not to get married: personal choice. And the great thing about living in the democracy we do is that I don't have to justify or explain my personal choices to anyone.
phorse, don't waste your time. Tom's just a troll. Just skip his comments.
EVERY man should require a DNA test at birth to prove paternity, without exception.
DNA tests should be mandatory anyway, especially if we have taxpayer funded 'paternity leave'. You want a month off work, you have to prove it's yours. And in case men think they'll be the only ones to benefit from DNA tests on newborns, remember that the test will also nail all the men who are abusers and offenders who otherwise intimidate the woman into silence.
Whenever ANY child is conceived there should be a paternity test implemented. This will save innocent men the emotional and financial hardship in the long run. Imagine being married to a woman (or not, depending on an individual's situation) and having a child. Eight years down the line the woman admits to cheating about 9 years ago – the man has now raised and financially supported this child that is not even his for all of that time. It's not fair. DNA tests done fast, and aren't THAT expensive. I had one done for my daughter to ensure that it was my child (I'm not married to the mother). She is my daughter, and she is the biggest blessing that has ever been bestowed upon my life. She's an angel. But I am glad that I got the DNA test done, just in case.
I'm a woman and I cheated on a boyfriend I was with for 2 years when I was 20. Not sure how much that really counts, but I definitely did it because he was a leech and impossible to get rid of. He wouldn't stop playing WoW in my apartment while I was at class day and night. I ended up having a long-term flirtation with my TA and it was all good fun. Yes, the more mature thing to do would have been to break up with him prior to the love affair with my TA, but being young I "felt bad" about "hurting his feelings" by dumping him. Of course cheating on him still hurt his feelings, but his incessant video gaming (even after I talked to him about it for a year) hurt my feelings too. In the end it had the same result- We broke up. It was coming anyway.... and I still look back with a guilty grin.
lol, w h ore.
lets hope you didn't give him a venereal disease. I think that's the scariest thing about someone cheating. it’s a criminal betrayal and its a serious health risk for the unknowing partner.
Wow mkub, you are a classic example of a certain type of woman that compulsively HAS to have a guy. They can be extremely unhappy with their current boyfriend, but can't leave him because they essentially define themselves as someone's boyfriend. Instead of dumping whatever loser they are currently with, they stick around and put 0 effort in to the relationship while looking for a new guy. This is the same process most of us go through when looking for a new job.
mkub, I hope you ended up with herpes.
world of warcraft: ruining america one maladjusted young white male at a time.
Planning to break up with someone is NOT a justified reason for cheating on them. It's simply a black and white issue – if you're WITH someone (whether as boyfriend and girlfriend or wife and husband) and fool around with someone else, it's cheating. If you want out of the relationship then break it off. Be responsible. I've never cheated on any of my girlfriends. One relationship I had back in high school there was another girl that flirted with me a lot. I agree, yes, there was a lot of chemistry with this other girl, but I never did anything physical with her. I easily could have, but I had something called SELF CONTROL, and I understood that doing something such as cheating was clearly immature and emotionally cold.
You should be ashamed. You should have talked to your boyfriend about his video games and stated that it was taking an abysmal effect on your romantic relationship, to the point where you were losing feelings for him. Going behind his back and cheating makes you much worse than him.
You shouldn't feel guilty about cheating on him as much as you should feel guilty about being a coward who couldn't first be single before screwing around
"Impossible to get rid of" just means you were completely spineless. I'm pretty sure if you said "I'm breaking up with you, get your stuff and leave", you'd have no trouble getting rid of the little geek.
I think you summed it up the best when you wrote about still having a smile on your face when you think about it. You cheated on him because YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUN. No other reason. I am sure you hurt the guy a lot worse when he found out you were sleeping around on him for two years, than if you had just broken it off cleanly, like someone with a spine and a bit of decency would have done.
Hey bebby, what's your fb? 😉
@lessgretal...too late man. You are a doormat. You will not get her to love you or respect you again. The best thing you can do is leave with the little dignity you have left, if any.
@veryfaithful...leave him. He will most probably keep cheating on you, if you can live with that, then stay. He won't stop though.
rofl. Wow, this article was a load of utter garbage.
Yeah, but it's fun making pointless, rude, and otherwise fun comments 😀
Any woman with you would need to see a shrink.
this guy should get out of the business because he doesn't have a CLUE!!!!!
"And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men cheated on their spouses with someone they met through work."
This is a terrible line. This needs to be changed. 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men WHO CHEAT cheat on their spouses with someone they met through work.
Geeze, women are just to blame for everything huh? Now our working is the root cause of most infidelity. Maybe Ians suggesting we go back to simpler times where a womans place was in the home, where she couldn't go out into the world and cheat (which is the ultimate marraige killer, when a woman cheats.) Men can work, and oops! have affairs, but thats ok, it's human nature really. Can't blame a man for having an affair, it's hormonal.
Agreed. I suspected that too.
I am a man and I don't think it's ok to cheat. Not only do I stop befriending men that cheat, but women, too. In fact I wouldn't even date a woman that I knew had cheated. It's a sign of lower or no enlightenment in my mind. If you are not mature enough to know when it's not working out and to move on.. Then I have a hard time believing that person will ever truly grow up. It's better to be in no relationship ... Than a bad one.
OK, you're an English teacher and one of your students is banging your wife because she can't stand your constant pedantic rantings.
Clearly men should NOT be in the workplace – too much temptation. Maybe they should stay home alone where it won't be an issue. They could wash a dish to pass the time.
This is written by such a male chauvinist. Men need to learn to get their ego's hurt and deal with it, like this article suggests women do.
That's kinda funny considering female egos are bigger then male egos. Why do you think women are less likely to ask men out? Their egos can't stand the thought of rejection.
Most women also can't bare the thought of going out in public without wearing make up. I really hate the entire concept of make up and push-up bras. I go home with a beautiful woman with a C-cup and wake up next to some homely plain Jane with an A-cup. How is that for ego?
Yes, they should deal with it by kicking the lying cheater out.
I'm guessing L G stands for Lesbian Girlfriend.
Whatever, ITG. Every fat loser in his mom's basement is a "25 y-o personal trainer" when they're posting on the internet.
cheating is fun...and even better when you don't get caught.
My husband filed for separation after 22 years, I had turned into a fat46 yr old nag. No kidding, working two jobs while he continued to work part time and take care of the house. It was the set up, I did not like it, lost respect for him, treated him like crap until he left. I thanked him finally for trying to end the bad marriage. A young 33 predator gift from heaven has been taking care of me. Lost 30 pounds, started dressing better.
WOW! Now the old man wants back in, but he is going to have to wait until young thing stops calling (he will eventually)
I finish making enough memories to last another 22 years. The papers havent been finalized, he says we are still married,
I say I'm cheating and I guess I have low self esteem, no morals, am a jerk its all true, but OMG!
Mouthbreathers like you shouldn't be allowed to breed.
And there's no greater thrill than doing some other guy's wife.. up the chuffer 😉
Frank, if you're doing that with married women ... You're a waste of oxygen.
If he's doing it with a married woman, then good on him for being attractive enough to get someone else to stray. If a married woman is doing it with him, then shame on her for violating any agreement about loyalty she may have had to her husband. Or if they weren't married, then to her boyfriend.
This goes the other way if the girl was a PT and Frank was married.
if he is doing it with a married woman, he is a creep, along with the woman cheating.
If he's doing with with a married woman, then in the future, when he's married, he better be okay with his wife cheating on him. Fair is fair.
I find married women are hotter in bed, because they usually haven't been getting any at home for quite some time. The only thing hotter is women that just got out of prison. RAWRRRR!! hehe
all of these dumb comments make me sick and to be completely honest this is the worst article i have ever read. is this really where your career has lead you? pitty on you. go see a therapist and learn how to love
I contacted him and he did a lovespell for me. Two days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Robinson buckler, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. Contact him now for Herpes permanent cure.__________________________________ robinsonbucler @ gmail. com...,
if she cheats on you just let her ......unless youre a bible freAck what s the big deal ? this is 2011 and fidelity is a thing of the past remember we re an individualist shopping culture and just like we re all trianed to do from a ripe age we follow the sun s rays and those who don t end up cold and bitter.... let your partner breath
Then please give my email to your wife, I'd like to take her out and show here what she's been missing.
Have fun taking care of my kids, fool.
Am I the only one freaked out by the picture accompanying the story; the "woman" looks like she is twelve and the man looks like a giant!
Twelve, yummmm 😉
*She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time*
Really? This is typically what happens to the man. This will never be a woman's excuse to cheat. This is usually the woman's excuse to avoid her partner. Thus begins the breakdown of the emotional bond because women forget that you can't ask for attention if your not giving it yourself!
I was a Firefighter for 25+ years in Lansing MI. Many times in many different stations i heard all kinds of stories that were told by the so-called "studs". The stories were good for a lot of laughs. I have to believe that some of those same stories were only wishful thinking. A lot of these stories were coming from Firefighters who were divorced. I truly believe, myself and the other men who were married, we were getting more of you know what, then were those men who were at that time divorced. However, the stories were good for a lot of laughs.
And I guess the main reason for this useless info was to tell us all how you were a firefighter for 25 years (which means mostly sitting on your butt telling stories).
How on Earth are you going to be this emphatic about your conclusions when you have no empirical evidence to back them up?
How on earth can we understand you without a copy of the same thesaurus you're using?
I think if you are unhappy and then cheat for any reason... You don't deserve to find happiness and you probably won't ever find it. grow the F up and call off the relationship before. Act like an adult!
Hey CNN, nice pic of what looks like a 13 year old girl about to give head.
Yeah, with her other boyfriend.
Yeah.. I've been kinda .. studying it intently.
You kinda make me ill...
Finally someone to agree with!
Guy, you are a waste, too. Shame on both parties. This is why in some states allow you to sue botth.
And it's ridiculous to think that because you are not the one married it's ok. You are tool for thinking that!!
People who cheat shouldn't be married. Rub one out (both girls and guys) and deal with it. I got married for the first time later than most of my friends and slept with a lot of women before I did. I have no regrets. Being single and just looking to hook up all the time for years on end does get old. Men and women will always want to sleep with people who they are attracted to. That never changes. Find an outlet in other areas like bocci, coed-mud wrestling, bikram yoga classes...haha.
The morale here is. We have to cheat first. Lol.
Get out of the basement more often and you won't have to seek admiration by lying on the internet about who you are!
I blame social networking.. especially Facebook
I had to LOL at your second comment about even your wife would do the blonde on 4.
Cheating is wrong either way you look at it. If you don't think it's working out with the person you are with, then end it with them and move on to someone else. It's not fair to the other person when you go behind their back and sleep with others. A lot of people really need to grow up and stop acting so childish. Have some respect!
Better yet, Frank should teach their husbands how to do dirty degrading things to them. Now there's a business.