home
RSS
Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET

Female infidelity: It's different from the guys

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

That’s not to say that men don't cheat  because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but  many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.

That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.  It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.

While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that  among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.

Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends."  Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.

So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?

–         She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings

–         She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive

–         She has less interest in sex with her partner

–         She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work

–         She seems happy, except when she's around her partner

–         She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family

–         There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her

–         She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time

Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."  Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.


« Previous entry
soundoff (3,484 Responses)
  1. gia vach ngan ve sinh

    Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
    Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the
    way, how can we communicate?

    May 15, 2021 at 11:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. avanafil

    buy avana usa avana 100 mg

    May 15, 2021 at 12:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. https://mbee.com.vn/bao-gia-vach-ngan-ve-sinh-compact-hpl-12mm-nam-2020/

    Hi there friends, fastidious article and good urging commented here, I am actually enjoying by these.

    May 15, 2021 at 22:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. https://918kiss-m.com/

    Hi, for all time i used to check weblog posts here early in the morning, as i like to gain knowledge of
    more and more.

    my site kiss918 scr888 [https://918kiss-m.com/]

    May 16, 2021 at 02:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. mbee.com.vn

    Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you really realize what you're speaking approximately!

    Bookmarked. Please additionally consult with my site =).
    We may have a hyperlink exchange contract among us

    May 16, 2021 at 03:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. avanafil

    avanafil india buy avanafil usa

    May 16, 2021 at 05:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. vách ngăn vệ sinh

    An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I think that
    you should publish more about this subject, it may not be
    a taboo subject but usually folks don't talk about these issues.

    To the next! Cheers!!

    May 16, 2021 at 06:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. vách ngăn vệ sinh

    Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it's truly informative.
    I'm gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if
    you continue this in future. Numerous people will be benefited
    from your writing. Cheers!

    May 16, 2021 at 08:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. cristiano ronaldo height

    The swing is an accessory process. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. Don't be afraid employ Tin tức về Barcelona some real weight and go with sets of four. These do best following a whopping movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you end up being conservative. The great game of Football is often a national hobby. Football betting is heavily driven by various indicators.{But, let's clear benefit up.protein basically food in liquid state.

    https://realmadrid24.football/varane-tro-lai-real-madrid-tap-luyen-sau-khi-xet-nghiem-am-tinh-voi-covid-19/

    May 16, 2021 at 13:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. ronaldo icon fifa 18

    The swing is an accessory process. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. You shouldn't be afraid in order to Tottenham Hotspur F.C some real weight and go with sets of four years old. These do best following a huge movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you must be conservative. Purchase the game of Football is often a national leisure pursuit. Football betting is heavily because of various indicators.{But, let's clear in contrast up.protein should be only food in liquid means.

    https://laligavietnam.com/2021/04/29/nhan-dinh-elche-vs-atletico-madrid-21h15-ngay-1-5-2021/

    May 16, 2021 at 15:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. KATHYMELS098@GMAIL.COM

     URGENT EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET YOUR EX BACK FAST AND TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE NOW CONTACT LORD ZULU ON WHATSAPP DIRECTLY +1 (424) 361‑7554 Allsupremepowersolutionhome@gmail.com +1 (424) 361‑7554 Hi everyone I’m here to testify of a great and powerful spell caster called Lord Zulu. I was so confused and devastated when my boyfriend left me without  A word, I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So a friend of mine introduced me to this powerful spell caster who had helped her in getting her lover back, so I contacted him and he promised that in less than 72 hours he will come back to me. After I did all he asked, to my greatest surprise my bf who had refused to speak with me came to my house and asked for forgiveness for all he had made me go through and now we are living happily together, if you have any relationship problem I will advise you contact him for your testimonies. Below are his contact details. Contact him on WhatsApp @ +1 (424) 361‑7554 mywa.link/lordzulu

    May 16, 2021 at 15:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Hosea Casabona

    That is a really good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere. Simple but very accurate information… Thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!

    https://extraproxies.com/electrum-seed-creation-getting-more-and-more-insecure-on-multiple-tries/

    May 16, 2021 at 18:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. juventus logo transparent

    The swing is an accessory workout routine. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. Don't be afraid the bảng xếp hạng Premier League some real weight and go with sets of four years old. These do best following a huge movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you should be conservative. Terrific game of Football is often a national past time. Football betting is heavily based on various ideas.{But, let's clear espresso up.protein is actually simply food in liquid state.

    https://chelseabluearmy.com/index.php/2021/04/21/chelsea-bi-cdv-chan-xe-huyen-thoai-petr-cech-phai-len-tieng-cau-xin/

    May 16, 2021 at 20:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. juventus vs frosinone

    The swing is an accessory process. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. Don't be afraid to employ a Tin Juventus some real weight and go with sets of four years old. These do best following much movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you end up being conservative. Terrific game of Football can be a national regular past time. Football betting is heavily derived from various factors.{But, let's clear benefit up.protein basically food in liquid web form.

    https://neymarblogs.com/2021/04/23/sao-man-city-muon-choi-cho-psg/

    May 16, 2021 at 22:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. https://918kiss-m.com

    Hello, all the time i used to check web site posts here in the early
    hours in the daylight, for the reason that i enjoy to learn more and more.

    Feel free to surf to my website ... m918kiss (https://918kiss-m.com)

    May 17, 2021 at 00:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. ronaldo goatee

    The swing is an accessory pastime. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. Don't be afraid to employ a Tin tức mới về Ronaldo some real weight and go with sets of four years old. These do best following a huge movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you should be conservative. Is game of Football can be a national overdue. Football betting is heavily consistent with various indicators.{But, let's clear one thing up.protein is just food in liquid sort of.

    https://liverpoolwin365.com/2021/04/21/liverpool-tim-ra-doi-tac-hoan-hao-cho-van-dijk/

    May 17, 2021 at 01:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. dortmund yellow wall

    The swing is an accessory process. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. Don't be afraid in order to Bianconeri some real weight and go with sets of four. These do best following huge movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you should be conservative. Your individual game of Football is a national leisure pursuit. Football betting is heavily based on various facts.{But, let's clear reduced up.protein basically food in liquid build.

    https://chelseabluearmy.com/index.php/2021/04/19/nhan-dinh-chelsea-vs-brighton-2h-ngay-21-4/

    May 17, 2021 at 01:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. real madrid v athletico madrid

    The swing is an accessory a workout. Go with multiple sets of low to medium reps. Don't be afraid to use Chelsea vs some real weight and go with sets of four years old. These do best following a huge movement like deadlifts.Whether it is a basketball pick, or football or another sport pick, you in order to conservative. Is game of Football is often a national overdue. Football betting is heavily based around various ideas.{But, let's clear espresso up.protein should be only food in liquid outline.

    https://hibongda.vn/2021/04/17/barca-da-co-ke-hoach-chieu-mo-erling-haaland/

    May 17, 2021 at 07:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. ogagaspellcastertemple@gmail.com

    Advice to save your marriage and get your Ex Boyfriend/girlfriend back ,contact ogagaspellcastertemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347059387282 for Urgent effective love Spell to get ex lover back or save you marriage fast and his result is 100% guarantee.

    I want to give thanks to Dr Ogaga for bringing back my ex husband. No one could have ever made me believe that the letter I’m about to write would actually one day be written. I was the world’s biggest skeptic. I never believed in magic spells or anything like this, but I was told by a reliable source (a very close co-worker) that Trust is a very dedicated, gifted, and talented person, It was one of the best things I have ever done. My love life was in shambles, I had been through two divorces and was on the brink of a third. I just couldn't face another divorce, and I wanted to try harder to make our relationship work, but my husband didn’t seem to care. and he brake up with me again. I was confuse and do not no what to do again, rather them to get in contact with Dr Ogaga . He did a love spell that make my husband come back to me. we are now very much happy with our self. Dr Ogaga make him to realize how much we love and need each other. This man is for REAL and for good, he can also help you to fix your broken relationship. I had my husband back! It was like a miracle! He suddenly wanted to go to marriage counseling, and we’re doing very, very well, in our love life. Contact Dr Ogaga

    Text & Call or WhatsApp: +2347059387282

    Email: ogagaspellcastertemple@gmail.com

    May 17, 2021 at 09:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Magan Afshar

    You are so awesome! I don't think I've read a single thing like that before. So nice to discover someone with a few unique thoughts on this topic. Really.. many thanks for starting this up. This website is something that's needed on the web, someone with a bit of originality!

    https://extraproxies.com/dodge-open-question-i-have-2004-dodge-ram-1500-4-7-recently-just-got-a-check-gage/

    May 17, 2021 at 11:13 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53

Leave a Reply to generic tadalafil


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

« Previous entry
Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.