Female infidelity: It's different from the guys
April 7th, 2011
08:29 AM ET

Female infidelity: It's different from the guys

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it’s the female partner who’s been doing the cheating.  In recent years I’ve noticed a precipitous rise in the number of men who have been betrayed by adultery, and while there’s an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend doesn’t garner nearly as much attention as male infidelity  That’s surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage. Don’t get me wrong: Male cheating is definitely harmful. But when a woman fools around, it’s often the death knell to a couple’s relationship.

It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the theory being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion, while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire. Without those pesky emotions to stand in the way of a potential mistake, a guy is much more likely to get himself into trouble (especially if alcohol is involved and inhibitions are down) or to get involved with someone for whom he has no feelings.

That’s not to say that men don't cheat  because they're unhappy, in search of an emotional connection or simply bored in their relationship (a topic we’re currently analyzing at Good in Bed), but  many of the men I've encountered who have cheated on their wives often have no desire to leave their primary relationship. Many of them even characterize themselves as happily married with satisfying sex lives.

That’s one of the reasons there's often a better chance that a couple will stay together and try to work things out when it’s the man who’s doing the cheating, rather than the woman. For men, cheating often tends to be opportunistic—they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and the cheating doesn’t necessarily mean anything emotionally—whereas with women the desire to cheat is often less opportunistic and more deeply felt.  It’s often more a matter of the heart than of the genitals. Sure, some women cheat for the sex, but many also cheat for another chance at love, or to confirm to themselves that their primary relationship is really over. A woman who cheats is often a woman who doesn't want to work it out. She's already invested time trying to work it out, and she's done. It's too late.

While there aren't any hard statistics on female infidelity, most experts agree that it's on the rise, especially among women who have their own careers and a degree of financial independence. A University of Washington study found that people who earned $75,000 or more per year were 1.5 times more likely to have had extramarital sex than those earning less than $30,000. And with so many women in the workplace, it’s no surprise that  among the spouses who cheated, 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men did so with someone they met through work.

Another big factor in the rise in female infidelity is the Internet. Sexual infidelity often starts with emotional infidelity, and digital technologies offer an abundance of opportunity for emotional (and thrilling) connections: The return of an ex, a workplace flirtation, a Facebook friendship that becomes more than "just friends."  Women are extremely susceptible to “emotional infidelity,” which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more. A gradual blurring of the lines between friendship and deeper intimacy draws even happily partnered people into relationships they never saw coming.

So what are some of the signs that a woman could be cheating or thinking about it?

–         She shows less general interest in her partner's comings and goings

–         She dresses up for work, but seems to care less about whether her partner finds her attractive

–         She has less interest in sex with her partner

–         She's keeping an irregular schedule and spending more time at work

–         She seems happy, except when she's around her partner

–         She shows less tolerance of her partner's friends and family

–         There are unresolved issues in the relationship that have either been ignored or not resolved in a way that's satisfying to her

–         She's in a child-centric marriage that prioritizes parenting and neglects a couple's relationship, with few opportunities for romance and alone time

Guys, think your wife would never cheat? Think again. When men get angry about something, they tend to lash out, but women often self-silence and bottle up their emotions. As Helen E. Fisher, research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, says, "Men want to think women don't cheat, and women want men to think they don't cheat, and therefore the sexes have been playing a little psychological game with each other."  Maybe this isn’t so much a game as a reflection of the double standard and culture of forgiveness that favors men—“boys will be boys,” as the adage goes—when they cheat. But as we’re learning, cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play.

« Previous entry
soundoff (3,966 Responses)
  1. Colbybla

    european older women a relationship females using the web at plan

    be mindful a person to include/understand about it entirely. a number of them european adolescent girls act as naive to incite the types to like to them considerably more. consequence, you're the find out will probably include/understand your original somebody above what almost any body differently. outcome, locate solitary pilot is a euro as well as girls on line is easy and simple.

    When the single u. s citizens men and women go Moscow in order to meet her or his long term future gal, wish look into a number parts involving relationships on the web to explore Moscow. you can not apprehend a great deal related to russian federation. consequently, It is a good time to see the local authority or council of all social to include/understand how they am living, her customers, world, and more. each of these countrie has the many viewpoint additionally the look. each of them united states has the individuals. thusly should go through a number of russian sites to a portal using free dating online to acquire more information it's estimated that. the single euro young ladies can be trustworthy to our men which in which appreciate. might you, stop you, And will relish you. They are the best girlfriends or wives you should be committed because of on the actual. The thousands of yankee people located Moscow to get married the ruskies babes and to create these to the usa to live.

    The ruskies team members on line is provided for free and additionally meant for a rapport in relation to their in really love. The true love which they get on line is truley what they helps make assurance in addition,yet feel that from the. most of a women and single euro men uncover the long run wedding. They do not like cash advance romantic relationships because they do not remove them. in actuality, They do not enjoy playing around. that it waste products their unique some time and makes an endeavor and method. The euro single young women are generally trusty and moreover dependable to chnlove.com true people in their lives. the majority of them are single and it request a marriage of presence critically as a result they can provide to his or her own path of the husband's comments enjoy that they. You should have all of your partner dreamer what people awaits from the internet you. It is correct a bit distribute you live with. realize it in today's times.

    you can see ruskies thouscombined withs of ladies going on a date to hunt on the web solitary pilot is a indian men or the for the long term men loving bridal endure a number of in. the trendy decade that we currently vivid is going to be wondrous in the interior in what it allows us to to easily find much of our web-based over time using the web. there are certain of free european world-wide-web of going out with which probably existing totally free on line tend to find to search for the enjoy. our team speak about the relationship and the serious relationship which experts claim happened promptly in brand of the married couples. when you notice newlyweds, You sense you to require all the way through love to speak with, simply to walk jointly, And to love like all the other newlyweds. you can obtain your company's companion overall without hassle remember that created while using the free euro offerings out of a relationship.

    June 18, 2021 at 11:06 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63

Leave a Reply to eucabuyau


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

« Previous entry
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.