home
RSS
Sex: Why slower (and older) may be better
March 17th, 2011
07:24 AM ET

Sex: Why slower (and older) may be better

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.

Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.

As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.

Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.

Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.

As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.

And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.

One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.

In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.

For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).

Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”

I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!


soundoff (721 Responses)
  1. Content Marketing Master

    https://svc.tds-live.com/manager/siteuser/redirector?ec=09/02/2017-Dreamon,faivolareituoisogniall’Isolad’Elba!&url=http://internetmarketingoregon.com

    May 15, 2021 at 18:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. avana

    buy avanafil usa buy avana

    May 16, 2021 at 00:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Digital Marketing Specialist

    https://www.balasmer.com/vb/go.php?url=http://www.affordableranking.com/

    May 16, 2021 at 00:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Content Marketing Programs

    http://castingsolutions.co/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 16, 2021 at 05:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Aika Online Pran

    I enjoy reading through a post that will make men and women think. Also, thank you for allowing for me to comment!

    http://www.p1-uranai.com/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=538&url=http://www.aikareborn.com/forums/forum-events.11

    May 16, 2021 at 05:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Aika Pran

    http://dta365.com/dt/uchome/link.php?url=aikareborn.com/

    May 16, 2021 at 09:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. esurance rv

    http://www.aquarist-classifieds.co.uk/BANNER-MANAGEMENT/click.php?id=44&url=https://www.normanpalma.fr/blog/index.php?post/2016/09/21/L-or-et-le-dollar.

    May 16, 2021 at 12:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Sprinter Repair Shops

    http://crewroom.alpa.org/SAFETY/LinkClick.aspx?link=https://fleetautorepairshop.com/chevrolet-luxury-van-repair-shop-near-me

    May 16, 2021 at 14:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Maserati For Sale Florida

    http://www.morhipo.com/shared/partnercookie?k=gort&url=http://club-maserati.com

    May 16, 2021 at 16:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. 1989 Chrysler Tc By Maserati

    https://www.poofu.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=maseratiforum.net

    May 16, 2021 at 17:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. 2005 Dodge Sprinter 2500 A/C Heater Controls Repair

    Great blog you have here.. It’s hard to find high-quality writing like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!

    https://www.rslan.com/phpAdsNew/adclick.php?bannerid=62&zoneid=0&source=&dest=https://sprintervanrepairshop.com/dent-repair-shop-near-me/

    May 16, 2021 at 20:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Mercedes Sprinter Service Center

    http://wwwnuevo.jus.mendoza.gov.ar/c/blogs/find_entry?p_l_id=29236&noSuchEntryRedirect=https://sprintervanrepairshop.com/box-truck-upholstery-shop-near-me/

    May 16, 2021 at 21:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Maserati Levante Lease Price

    https://www.vanauken.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=maseratis.net

    May 17, 2021 at 03:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Authorized Sprinter Repair Facility

    http://cies.xrea.jp/jump/?https://fleetservicesocrv.com/truck-dent-repair-shop-near-me/

    May 17, 2021 at 05:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Mercedes Sprinter Service Centers

    I used to be able to find good info from your blog articles.

    http://www.pcpitstop.com/offsite.asp?https://fleetautorepairshop.com/van-dent-repair-shop-near-me

    May 17, 2021 at 06:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Mercedes Sprinter Maintenance Service Near Me

    https://store.law.com/linkredirector/default.asp?lrcat=BLOGNetwork&lrurl=https://sprintervanrepairshop.com/box-truck-alignment-shop-near-me

    May 17, 2021 at 07:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Rust Repair Sprinter

    https://forums.womenshealthmatters.ca/gynegals/index.php?app=analytics&module=analytics&controller=link&topic=115902&url=https://fleetautorepairshop.com/rv-repair-shop-near-me/

    May 17, 2021 at 07:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Sprinter Van Repair Shops Near Me

    After going over a number of the blog posts on your blog, I seriously like your technique of writing a blog. I book marked it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my web site as well and tell me what you think.

    http://www.peterblum.com/releasenotes.aspx?returnurl=https://fleetservicerepairshop.com/technician-shop-near-me/

    May 17, 2021 at 12:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Sprinter Seat Belt Buckle Repair

    http://www.asma.org/impakredirect.aspx?url=www.fleettruckrepairshop.com/truck-upgrades-shop-near-me/

    May 17, 2021 at 13:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. RV Toilets Orange County

    /

    May 17, 2021 at 14:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Maserati Race Cars

    This excellent website truly has all of the information I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.

    http://mugen.matrix.jp/cgi-bin/gate/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=97&url=http://maseratiforum.net

    May 17, 2021 at 16:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. camper body repair

    http://t.ants.vn/a1/c/?bc=af837a70c7,l1486771201959,1486882192,v,1,568743473,568730659,568732269,31648,1,583125423,583125416,5,0_1&t_s=568743473-583125423-568732269:1&t_z=&t_tp=&t_itr=&t_imk=&t_rm=&c_tp=31647:1&c_itr=-1:-1&c_imk=-1:-1&c_rm=&redirect=http://ocrvcenter.com/

    May 18, 2021 at 11:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Walk In Dental Clinics Near Me

    http://www.track.affclkr.com/track/clicks/3171/c627c2b89e0522dbfe9cbd2e8d2b8914736245cb75e9f0ab416db1046005?t=https://newportcenterdentalgroup.com

    May 18, 2021 at 17:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Best Dental Doctors

    This site was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Thanks!

    https://coyoacan.cdmx.gob.mx/link?ruta=http://newportcenterdentalgroup.com/

    May 18, 2021 at 17:52 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Cheap Oral Surgeons

    I really love your blog.. Great colors & theme. Did you make this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to create my very own blog and want to know where you got this from or exactly what the theme is called. Appreciate it!

    https://forum.kinoafisha.info/cc.php?url=https://newportcenterdentalgroup.com/

    May 18, 2021 at 18:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. executive training online

    https://www.dailygood.org/more.php?op=get&url=https://menmastermind.com/

    May 18, 2021 at 18:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Forklift Dealer California

    There's certainly a lot to learn about this topic. I really like all of the points you have made.

    https://www.portalfarma.com/paginas/redirigir.aspx?redirect=https://wildwestlifttrucks.com/

    May 18, 2021 at 21:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. sex energy pills

    Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful post. Thank you for providing this info.

    https://space.sosot.net/link.php?url=https://energygopep.com

    May 18, 2021 at 22:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. best energy pills at walmart

    After I originally commented I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I recieve four emails with the exact same comment. Is there a way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!

    http://www.industrysourcing.com/client/adv/advGetJump.html?http://bonus-books.com

    May 18, 2021 at 22:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. energy pills walgreens

    https://track.aftermarket.pl/track.php?ref=&url=http://gopepp.com

    May 18, 2021 at 22:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Boch Maserati

    This site was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Thank you!

    https://p1-uranai.com/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=538&url=https://club-maserati.com

    May 18, 2021 at 23:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. best energy pills gnc

    http://www.e-tsuyama.com/cgi-bin/jump.cgi?jumpto=http://gopepenergy.com/3aqbN3t

    May 19, 2021 at 02:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Maserati Horsepower

    http://www.snwebcastcenter.com/event/page/count_download_time.php?url=https://maseratiforum.net/

    May 19, 2021 at 03:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Best Roofing Companies Near Me

    http://www.jp-sex.com/amature/mkr/out.cgi?id=05730&go=https://sanmarinoroof.com/

    May 19, 2021 at 04:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Prescription Lenses Near Me

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up plus the rest of the site is extremely good.

    http://azlan.techdata.com/InTouch/GUIBnrT3/BnrTrackerPublic.aspx?CountryCode=18&BannerLangCulture=nl-nl&URL=http://arizonasvision.com&Target=2&BannerId=41919&Zoneid=281&Parameters=&cos=Azlan

    May 19, 2021 at 04:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Commercial Roof Repairs

    I could not refrain from commenting. Perfectly written!

    https://galter.northwestern.edu/exit?url=https://sanmarinoroof.com/

    May 19, 2021 at 06:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Red Roof Near Me

    http://www.biyougeka.esthetic-esthe.com/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=848&url=http://www.sanmarinoroof.com/

    May 19, 2021 at 08:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Maserati Lease Price

    This is a topic that is near to my heart... Many thanks! Where are your contact details though?

    https://www.momoantena.com/redirect?url=https://maseratiforum.net

    May 19, 2021 at 08:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. window blinds repair san diego

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and the rest of the website is really good.

    http://kichink.com/home/issafari?uri=pinballspares.com.au/showthread.php?tid=41&pid=27650

    May 19, 2021 at 17:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. RV Awning Riverside

    Spot on with this write-up, I really believe that this amazing site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the info!

    /

    May 19, 2021 at 18:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. slide out repair

    An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been doing a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me lunch simply because I stumbled upon it for him... lol. So allow me to reword this.... Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending some time to discuss this matter here on your blog.

    http://web2.sups.tp.edu.tw/school/netlink/hits.php?id=207&url=http://altaghier.tv/en/2017/03/11/second-plane-bought-under-sanctions-deal-arrives-in-iran/

    May 19, 2021 at 19:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. windshield repair around me

    /

    May 19, 2021 at 19:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. RV TV Riverside

    /

    May 19, 2021 at 20:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Internet Marketing Firm Near Me

    A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. There's no doubt that that you need to write more about this issue, it may not be a taboo subject but generally folks don't talk about such topics. To the next! Cheers!!

    https://www.sns.lilyenglish.com/link.php?url=https://www.bestshopnearme.com

    May 20, 2021 at 00:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Dashboard Los Angeles

    /

    May 20, 2021 at 01:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Social Media Marketing Specialist

    When I originally commented I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on each time a comment is added I receive four emails with the same comment. There has to be an easy method you are able to remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!

    http://www.neoromance.info/link/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=26&url=https://webdesignpostfalls.com/

    May 20, 2021 at 03:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. Local Marketing Near Me

    https://www.trucktown.ru/go.php?https://www.ppcpostfalls.com

    May 20, 2021 at 12:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. trailer body repair near me

    https://www.smartsupp.com/affiliate/click?id=1124&url=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-warner-center-california

    May 20, 2021 at 15:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. orange county tire

    Having read this I thought it was extremely informative. I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this information together. I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worth it!

    http://www.aurki.com/jarioa/redirect?id_feed=510&url=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-coronado-california

    May 20, 2021 at 23:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Social Media Marketing Experts

    http://qingms.com/link.php?url=affordableranking.com

    May 21, 2021 at 03:30 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Leave a Reply to Sprinter Van Repair Shops Near Me


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.