Valentines Day: Skip the fancy meal and go straight to the sex!
February 10th, 2011
10:01 AM ET

Valentines Day: Skip the fancy meal and go straight to the sex!

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

I may be a sex therapist, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pressure of Valentine’s Day just like any other guy.  Not only do I have to be “romantic” but, like many holidays, Valentine’s Day also seems to come with a built-in requirement to spend lots of money – which is not a libido-enhancer. So this year, I’m determined to do Valentine’s Day my way: affordable, and with an emphasis on sex.

That’s not to say it won’t be intimate, but this year there will be no extravagant dinner, no flimsy lingerie that will never get worn, no expensive jewelry bought at the last minute—and no possibility of not having sex. All obstacles to sex will be removed. According to CNN, more than 40 million Americans are stuck in sexless marriages, and sometimes it seems like my own sex life is going the way of my gym membership: less frequently used as time goes by, with sessions that are hard on the knees and don’t last nearly as long as I intended.

Here’s my strategy for the big day (which, alas, just so happens to fall this year on an ever-so romantically challenged Monday):

1.      First, I’ll wake up, make the coffee, and tell my wife that I had a really sexy dream about her last night. The brain is the biggest sex organ, and after you’ve had sex with someone about a thousand times, it’s the mental stuff that really stokes the flames. There are two types of sexual arousal—physiological and mental—but too often we emphasize the former at the expense of the latter. So I’ll tell my wife I had the sexiest dream ever about her, but keep the details to myself until later, or maybe offer a few tidbits via email during the day—a little anticipation goes a long way.

2.      Before we go head off to work, I’ll give my wife a 30-second hug. Sounds like a long time, but studies have shown that hugging for 20 to 30 seconds boosts levels of oxytocin, the feel-good “cuddle hormone” that helps bring couples closer.

3.      If we speak during the day, I’ll make an effort to stay positive. Experts believe that the happiest couples have five positive interactions (like cuddling, kissing, or having upbeat conversations) for every one negative interaction (such as bickering).

4.      At lunch, I’ll stop off at the drugstore for all of my Valentine’s Day supplies. That’s right: I’m doing my Valentine’s Day shopping at Duane Reade! And I’m not just talking about condoms. These days, you don’t have to look further than your local pharmacy to stock up on sexy accessories, from personal lubricants such as Astroglide, to products like K-Y Intense, which has been shown in studies to boost female arousal, to vibrators. Your local pharmacy has come a long way, baby! But if you’re still uncomfortable taking your products to the cash register and you want to eliminate the blush factor, you can also do your buying at online stores such as Pure Romance and Babeland which offer a vast array of products and advice. While I’m doing my shopping, I’ll also pick up some cleaning products. Yup: Ajax figures heavily into my romance strategy.

5.      Once I’m home, I’ll engage in some good old back-breaking “choreplay.” This is where the Windex comes in. Sure, cleaning house hardly seems romantic, but research suggests that getting busy washing those dishes could get you lucky between the sheets: Women whose partners help out around the house report being more satisfied with their relationships—in and out of the bedroom. “Choreplay” helps women stop stressing about everything else they have to do and promotes relaxation, which research shows is necessary for women to attain orgasmic bliss.

6.      I’ll probably pick up  a light dinner from our local Japanese fave— salmon is always a good choice as when you eat for your heart you’re eating for your sex life— and save some chocolate—which is known to increase mood-boosting brain chemicals—for later.

7.      We’ll prevent digital distractions by turning off our computers, iPad, and iPhones.

8.      Before transitioning seamlessly into the bedroom, I’ll help increase that oxytocin again with lots of hand-holding and hugging, as well as make sure she gets a big whiff of my natural scent, which seems to work as a natural aphrodisiac. Studies suggest that scent is an indicator of genetic compatibility: In fact, women rate a man’s smell as the most important feature for determining whether they’re attracted to him. I’ll also pull out our favorite porn flick. (Okay, that’s a joke. My wife and I don’t watch porn together. But I do have some sexy photos of her from when we first met and I couldn’t keep my hands off of her, and a little trip down memory lane will get things going.)  Also, I’ll make sure to have a nice bottle of red wine on hand. Two glasses each is perfect—enough to lower inhibitions, without lowering those all-important physiological responses.

9.      Inside the bedroom, I’ll do my best to add some touches that turn our crow’s nest into a love-nest: some candles to set the mood, fresh flowers for aromatherapy, and some music that will help lull her into the trance-like state that is so important to female arousal.

10.  Finally, we’ll enjoy lots of fun foreplay that includes sharing that fantasy (which I will not share with you, but I bet you have plenty of your own.) If you need some help in that department, feel free to check out my book 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex, which has—you guessed it—52 different sex-scenarios. If technology is your thing, try the new iPhone app Sex Life, which has lots of fun sex suggestions, or a sexy card game Private Affair, which helps couples communicate about sex.

Looking back over this plan, I realize it might sound like a lot of work. But honestly, it’s geared to be intimate, fun, romantic, sexy, and inexpensive. And, yes, it will still get us to bed with time to enjoy some post-coital "30 Rock" on Hulu.com, wake up with a kid between us in bed, and be ready to go to work on Tuesday.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

soundoff (384 Responses)
  1. Sarah in Texas

    Ew. TMI.

    February 10, 2011 at 10:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • clown

      Ew? What, are you a prude?

      February 10, 2011 at 11:47 | Report abuse |
    • chris

      I take it your are not getting any on Monday...

      February 10, 2011 at 12:45 | Report abuse |
    • David

      TMI???? I was hoping for graphic details to #10!!!

      February 10, 2011 at 12:46 | Report abuse |
    • JH

      And yet you continued to read the entire article, and then comment. I'm sure you are completely disgusted.

      February 10, 2011 at 13:49 | Report abuse |
    • hia4ju

      Hey Sarah, you're misrepresenting us texans... You must be a very lonely person...

      February 10, 2011 at 14:31 | Report abuse |
    • Veritas

      Sarah in Texas, you ARE a prude.

      February 10, 2011 at 15:21 | Report abuse |
    • Marcus of Memphis

      Wow you read the whole article and then quip TMI! It's only TMI if you have no choice in hearing it. Sarah you could have stopped reading any time. Go ahead and admit it Sarah you like it...

      February 10, 2011 at 15:29 | Report abuse |
    • BRBSanDiego

      Come to my house for a good time. Leave your bible at home. You will go back to Texas quivering – if you go back.

      February 10, 2011 at 20:16 | Report abuse |
    • Dnice

      Haha It doesn't say what to do with kids. anyone without kids should have any trouble "GETTING IN THE MOOD". This article should say after working all day then getting kids fed, home work done, bath, and put to bed..... Hurry up and hit the closest room and GET IT ON before kids wake!!!

      February 11, 2011 at 07:15 | Report abuse |
    • Mesohoony

      Don't be married.

      February 11, 2011 at 07:26 | Report abuse |
    • readerwriter

      One of the 40 million not getting it.

      February 11, 2011 at 08:02 | Report abuse |
    • toothball


      " It's just my opinion, not really a reason to start throwing around labels and insults. Clown."

      Such a short-sighted comment...

      Anyways. You are a prude. If THIS article makes you say "Ew" I feel sorry for the guy who tries to get you to not act like a dead fish in bed. Best of luck to you!

      February 11, 2011 at 08:46 | Report abuse |
    • martin

      Oh please. He's just trying to sell his book.

      February 11, 2011 at 08:53 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      I"ll bet Sarah is regretting her post now. A few more nagative comments than she probably was expecting.

      February 11, 2011 at 09:31 | Report abuse |
    • harbinger

      You people might be a little hard on her, you know she could be 15 years old....

      February 11, 2011 at 09:41 | Report abuse |
    • Frank

      Hey Sarah, why don't you put your knitting down, let your 29 cats in the door, turn on some Murder She Wrote and settle in for a nice, Amish-like Valentine's day.....

      February 11, 2011 at 09:53 | Report abuse |
    • MonsterLove

      Sarah, open your mind and you may enjoy life.........

      February 11, 2011 at 10:08 | Report abuse |
    • Lisaeg

      Sarah, thank you for your comment. The replies alone are worth it. I needed a good LOL this morning. It's pearl clutchers like you that make internet reading more fun.

      Great article. Great ideas. Happy Valentine's Day.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:34 | Report abuse |
    • Jordan

      Yeah after reading all the replies I've come to one conclusion. You _are_ a prude.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:35 | Report abuse |
    • Paula

      Says the 12 year old...

      February 11, 2011 at 10:41 | Report abuse |
    • Be Quiet

      Sarah don't like DUDES!

      and she is a PRUDE!


      Deep in the heart of Texas!

      February 11, 2011 at 10:43 | Report abuse |
    • Truefax

      Don't pick on Sarah, she's a beast in between the sheets.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:46 | Report abuse |
    • The Other Woman

      Don't waste your time on the wife or girlfriend if you have to put that much effort into it. Another woman will appreciate it more and be less work to impress.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:47 | Report abuse |
    • chris

      Mindlayr@ really? So the rest of us that are normal and think this article is not even close to disgusting ?

      February 11, 2011 at 10:49 | Report abuse |
    • Joe

      We really need an article on what to do with your significant other?

      February 11, 2011 at 11:28 | Report abuse |
    • dhondi

      11. Chili dog.

      February 11, 2011 at 11:32 | Report abuse |
    • Chris

      I did Sarah

      February 11, 2011 at 11:33 | Report abuse |
    • Mel

      Agreed. People really shouldn't need adivce on how to interact with their partner. And if your intimate life was really that great, you wouldn't need to validate yourself by boasting about how great it is.

      February 11, 2011 at 11:58 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      You put down Texas' name with that mentality...

      February 11, 2011 at 12:22 | Report abuse |
    • David

      No, Sarah, actually, you are indeed a "prude." Deal with it. If a simple article on romantic tips is "TMI" for you, then, yes, by definition, you are a prude. This article couldn't have been tamer, so if it registers to you as too crude or so invasive, then, sorry, you're a prude.
      You've been exposed. You're welcome.

      February 11, 2011 at 12:56 | Report abuse |
    • I

      Man plans, God laughs.

      February 11, 2011 at 13:28 | Report abuse |
    • Marie

      Good to know "The Other Woman" doesn't have high expectations...She's compatible with probably at least half the men out there...

      February 11, 2011 at 13:36 | Report abuse |
    • Patrick

      The best Valentine's Day nookie I've had was w/ my secretary 1/2 hr before my dinner reservations w/ the wife. That was exilirating!!!

      February 11, 2011 at 13:38 | Report abuse |
    • citizenUSA


      Don't feel bad. I agree with you too. I only need to know what I'm doing. Some of the things mentioned are of course nice for any spouse to do but to do them all on one day expecting s*x would make me feel like I'm being played. Your significant other should be treated special everyday. There is only one thin I need to have great s*x any day, my wife. (HAD TO DO "S*X" BECAUSE WHEN I SPELLED IT OUT THE GREAT CCN CENSOR MACHINE WOULD NOT POST MY COMMENT ALTHOUGH THEY USED THE WORD OVER AND OVER).

      February 11, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse |
    • OverAdvertised

      WOW. How much did he get paid to drop all of those brand names? Duane Reade, Astroglide, K-Y Intense, Pure Romance, Babeland, Ajax, Windex (not sure what this has to do with washing dishes), iPad, iPhones, 30 Rock and Hulu.com. Reading this article was like sitting through all of the superbowl commercials at once! Otherwise, good advice on how to treat your woman...

      February 11, 2011 at 13:48 | Report abuse |
    • Alter Ego

      I am from Texas, am not a prude, and agree with Sarah. Deal with it.

      Yes, I read the article. Yes, I still think it is TMI. I wouldn't have known whether it was TMI until I read it. Clowns.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:35 | Report abuse |
    • muhrvis

      I don't get it either... Why does there have to be a "strategy" to make love to your husband or wife? What is he - writing a novel here? Just do something nice and gentle and have a great time.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:41 | Report abuse |
    • Laura

      I agree. This is such trash to be reporting about.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:47 | Report abuse |
    • Mel

      All you guys sound like the losers from high school who overcompensated for being ugly or lame by bragging about how cool you are (or in this case, how much you're getting it, and how you get it, and how you think it is cool to talk about getting it). You still are and will always be a loser, no matter how many trashy or rude things you write online.

      February 11, 2011 at 17:05 | Report abuse |
    • scoveyduck

      OMG! I just read a blog that totally sums up this bozo's suggestions. What a bozo, too funny! http://tinyurl.com/4d8tspd

      February 11, 2011 at 21:47 | Report abuse |
  2. everyone

    Wow, horrible writing.

    February 10, 2011 at 10:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • bspurloc

      yeah cuz its a DUDE thing.... lets just DO IT, instead of all the other bs

      February 11, 2011 at 10:37 | Report abuse |
  3. taly

    I love the plan!!!

    February 10, 2011 at 10:55 | Report abuse | Reply
    • attorneyinnyc

      I second that entirely- EXCELLENT- EXCELLENT article. I will follow some of this for Monday, definitely.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:23 | Report abuse |
  4. samantha

    from a females perspective it sounds great i think that what a lot of people seem to forget about valentines day is that its not all about how much money you spend but the thought and the emotions that go into it a little goes along way

    February 10, 2011 at 11:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Marco

      Righhhht. That's why every commercial is geared towards men buying women crap like diamond jewelry, or automobiles, etc. *rolls eyes*

      February 10, 2011 at 16:29 | Report abuse |
    • marie

      Hey now Marco... women don't put out those commercials- corporations do. And all they Ever try to do is make a buck! Unless you're with a truly gold digging chick who isn't into you at all, low budget holidays are so much better. They show some actual thought, not just 'I saw this necklace on a commercial and they made it seem like a big deal so I bought it....' lol

      February 10, 2011 at 20:44 | Report abuse |
    • readerwriter

      You make a good point. The commercialization of holidays takes away from the meaning. Valentine's day is a great time to celebrate your love and you can do it without all the commercial trappings. My wife and I like a quiet dinner out where nobody has to clean up afterwards.

      February 11, 2011 at 08:12 | Report abuse |
    • Save your $

      And yet it's so rarely, if ever, the women who gives the gift to the man. That's why men think V-Day is a scam.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:50 | Report abuse |
    • Marie

      "Save your $" your girl must really really just...SUCK. Sorry you don't feel you can do better...

      February 11, 2011 at 13:38 | Report abuse |
    • B

      @Marie – Well obviously she doesn't, or he wouldn't be complaining.... ZING

      February 11, 2011 at 14:31 | Report abuse |
    • Jesus

      True. I always take my girlfriend out out and wine & dine her amongst other things I just have to work it out so the wife doesn't find out.

      February 11, 2011 at 20:53 | Report abuse |
  5. Margarita

    Great Plan...but where are the kids in all of this?

    February 10, 2011 at 11:38 | Report abuse | Reply
    • TheCaptain

      Sold em' to Gypsies for lube and cocaine.

      February 10, 2011 at 17:35 | Report abuse |
    • VK

      Red, your comment reminds me of the "aristocrats" joke 🙂

      February 11, 2011 at 09:53 | Report abuse |
    • MEAZY?

      is that u! 9?

      February 11, 2011 at 13:57 | Report abuse |
    • HistoryGeek

      TheCaptain ... that was beautiful man.

      February 11, 2011 at 17:49 | Report abuse |
    • Jesus

      I usually leave the kids on the mountain to fend for themselves.

      February 11, 2011 at 20:54 | Report abuse |
  6. mewpudding101

    I hope your wife isn't reading this.

    February 10, 2011 at 12:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Caballero

    Great plan but you only do that once a year??? Because you feel an obligation. For me the day holds no special meaning. It's how men should treat women EVERYDAY.

    February 10, 2011 at 12:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Matt

      Let me guess, if your a male then you were raised by women and you currently do not wear the pants in your marriage. Pathetic estrogen filled comment, so you may be female.

      February 10, 2011 at 12:09 | Report abuse |
    • Sarah in Texas

      Matt – If males are so superior and need to "wear the pants" in their relationships, then shouldn't you know the difference between words in the English language?

      February 10, 2011 at 12:23 | Report abuse |
    • Red

      Matt, please learn how to use "your" and "you're" correctly before thinking about making another post. Idiot.

      February 10, 2011 at 21:52 | Report abuse |
    • lilfro22

      @Matt, if "wearing the pants" is more important to you in relationships than getting satisfied when your pants are off, keep up your approach. Otherwise, suggest you take some pointers from the author.

      February 10, 2011 at 22:24 | Report abuse |
    • Bitterjack

      Matt, don't listen to these hypocrites. Women watch those commercials too. They are lead to believe they deserve to be treated like a queen simply because they exist. Apparently no one ever told them the queen gets treated that way because of the way she treats her king in the bed room.

      February 11, 2011 at 08:46 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      I don't know about EVERY day, then it isn't special.
      But, once a year IS a bit artificial.
      I kick her out of the kitchen a few times a week and make dinner. She's THANKFUL that I don't try to clean the windows, mostly because that is one of the few chores that I've not managed to master, creating a streaked mess that is nearly opaque.
      The author DOES have reasonably good suggestions. I've used most of them quite frequently over the years.
      It must have worked, as we've been married for over 29 years.
      And unlike Matt, I don't have to pay someone to get some.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:27 | Report abuse |
    • Marie

      "Matt" you do realize it's the 21st century right? So glad to see that you're still stuck with that mentality that men "wear the pants" in the relationship...Seems your daddy smacked you (and your mother) around a bit too much...Men (or anyone for that matter) who feel they are superior in a relationship are pretty much well....just pigs. Good luck with that...

      February 11, 2011 at 13:42 | Report abuse |
  8. Matt

    Way too much work. Not worth it. Valentines day is for un-married couples not miserable married ones. If you have to do that much work to keep a relationship going then you got more issues than I would care to discuss.

    February 10, 2011 at 12:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Calif Girl

      If you're NOT doing that much work to keep your wife happy, bet you wind up single again. My ex is an ex because he made no effort at all. As Dr. K says, when the woman is thinking about how much cleaning and laundry she still has to do, she's not likely to be in the mood. In fact, I was constantly exhausted from 10 hours working at the office followed by 6-8 hours of cooking and housework; I collapsed into bed after midnight and fell asleep before he even got a chance to suggest anything. As far as he was concerned, once he caught me, his need to do anything for me ended.

      February 10, 2011 at 12:27 | Report abuse |
    • Sarah in Texas

      Long-term relationships take work. Mature people realize this. Those who don't wind up unhappy, divorced or terminally single. There's nothing wrong with being selfish, but don't insult those who put effort into making their relationship a priority.

      February 10, 2011 at 12:32 | Report abuse |
    • displeased

      Too much work? So helping with chores around the house, holding hands, lighting a few candles is too much for you? You've got to stop watching tv, get off your azz and stop being so freakin lazy.

      February 10, 2011 at 12:55 | Report abuse |
    • Red

      Are you high, Matt?

      February 10, 2011 at 21:54 | Report abuse |
    • toothball

      Agreed. I think that the problem is that the majority of married couples could have a much more suitable mate, they just don't know it.

      It takes time to find the right one and i hate to break it to you, if you think you found that person when you were 20, you're probably wrong...

      February 11, 2011 at 08:42 | Report abuse |
    • Brad

      Wow Matt. The woman brigade is strong here. I met my wife in the 2nd grade. Ummm 7 or 8? I did not marry her till I was 26 and that was 21 years ago. That kinda blows that 20 thing away. Too much work? Anything worth having or keeping requires "too much work" When you mature a bit you will understand.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:23 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      Well, the truth comes out. Matt is simply miserable.
      My wife and I have been married for over 29 years. One thing that we HAVE learned over the years is that relationships take some work to maintain. Why, we even, -GASP-, TALK to each other!
      And I don't wait for one particular day of the year to have an intimate evening with her. Or even one day of a week.
      So, Matt, I'll stay with what works for us.
      And you can continue not getting laid, even in a cathouse with $500 tied to your neck.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:31 | Report abuse |
  9. ApeHanger

    Ugh! Sounds like way too much work for a few minutes of pleasant activity. Where's his wife in all this? Sitting around like a princess waiting for him to do everything? Also, what if after he goes through all this he gets the old "Not tonight, dear. I have a headache." routine? Verrryyy romantic. 🙂

    February 10, 2011 at 12:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • marie

      Or his wife may be the lady-in-the-streets-freak-in-the-sheets........ Never know til you try right??

      February 10, 2011 at 20:47 | Report abuse |
    • BRBSanDiego

      You got it exactly right about American princesses.

      February 10, 2011 at 21:17 | Report abuse |
    • Save your $

      Get a girlfriend or call a h00ker. Better in the sheets and a more predictable result.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:54 | Report abuse |
  10. lol

    hahahahhahahaa "Post Coital" Stolen directly from Quagmire.

    February 10, 2011 at 12:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Caballero

    Wonder why relationships don't work? Just read a few of these comments above from some dominate males. They must really WOW the women the meet. Unfortunately they too will find some relationship starved women to mate with without providing any love. . . . and yeah I do wear the pants but only half of them becuase I am in a relationship of equals with my girlfriend and she seems to like that arrangement just fine. It must be awful living prehistorically.

    February 10, 2011 at 12:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Wzrd1

      Caballero, those guys DO wow the women. A LOT.
      They say what they say, they act like they act.
      The woman says to herself, "WOW! What an idiot!"

      February 11, 2011 at 10:34 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      I have ran into more women that dig the "bad boy" than the those that don't.

      February 11, 2011 at 12:27 | Report abuse |
  12. Cieje Valentine

    It could be worse.. You could have been BORN on Valentine's day to a single mother, being forced to spend money on HER on YOUR birthday EVERY year, and being perpetually single on every Feb14. Yeah, that's where my online alias is from.

    February 10, 2011 at 13:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Marcus of Memphis

      Acually they should get rid of mothers day completly and have every child give their mothers presnts on the childs birthday. your mother did all the work on that day anyway!

      February 10, 2011 at 15:34 | Report abuse |
  13. DrFood

    That's great. However, what should I do the other 364 days of the year?

    February 10, 2011 at 13:44 | Report abuse | Reply
    • DrFood

      about my woody, that is.

      February 10, 2011 at 13:45 | Report abuse |
    • displeased

      Actually, this shouldn't be done only on Valentine's Day, that is, if you want to help your woody...

      February 10, 2011 at 13:55 | Report abuse |
    • As if

      You have hands, don't you?

      February 10, 2011 at 13:59 | Report abuse |
    • Wzrd1

      Get a magnifying glass?

      February 11, 2011 at 10:34 | Report abuse |
  14. Slim

    Thank God for Steak & BJ day!!

    February 10, 2011 at 13:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Digitaltouch

    I really liked the story, was interesting and funny. I sure will try some of those things out. Thanks

    February 10, 2011 at 14:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. displeased

    Speaking of woody, you know damn well that guy in the tub has a raging one, even if they are just modeling for a photo.

    February 10, 2011 at 14:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jen

      Send him over to my house for Valentine's Day. At least he's clean and going to smell good!

      February 10, 2011 at 15:55 | Report abuse |
    • Clifton

      or it's really a girl with that girl.....

      February 10, 2011 at 17:01 | Report abuse |
  17. cat

    Well my love is taking me to see KID Rock and Jamey Johnson! I'm sure he'll get his loving for a great gift when we are back at the room!

    February 10, 2011 at 14:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Kat

      And what are you doing for your love? And don't tell me "your loving". That shouldn't be a gift...it's something the two of you should share all the time.

      February 11, 2011 at 09:21 | Report abuse |
    • Save your $

      Great comment, Kat (the one with a K).
      S3x as a reward just makes Cat a..............can I even print to word here? (w_h0re)

      February 11, 2011 at 10:57 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      Please. There is no such thing as free s3x.Either your are dating and you are paying for dinner, or you are married and you are paying for everything else. Or you are doing house work. Or having to compromise on something else. Truth is there is always something that is given in exchange for s3x. So in a way, everyone is a wh0re.

      February 11, 2011 at 12:34 | Report abuse |
  18. mrsleo80

    can you call my husband and let him know to read this????? ......

    February 10, 2011 at 14:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. mrsleo80

    okay – never mind the phone call to him...... I'll turn the tables around... and this will be MY plan

    February 10, 2011 at 14:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. kerry

    My woman will be smack in the middle of you-know-what on Monday. No way I'm going to town when that's happening. V14 will be put off for a couple more days hahaha.

    February 10, 2011 at 14:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • jimmy

      Dude!?!? Seriously??? If you let that stop you, that means 25% of the time..........

      February 10, 2011 at 15:26 | Report abuse |
    • Clifton

      not like you have to earn your red wings. you can bump it all night long. woman usually are more in the mood then.

      February 10, 2011 at 17:11 | Report abuse |
    • djinaz

      I don't like ketchup on the hot dog. I like Slim's idea of Steak & BJ day.

      February 10, 2011 at 21:06 | Report abuse |
    • Alternatives

      That's why they have three hole. Two are alternates. :-O

      February 11, 2011 at 10:59 | Report abuse |
    • Rael

      well then...swap VD for the Steak & BJ Day......that oughtta work just fine....

      February 11, 2011 at 14:43 | Report abuse |
  21. mrsleo80

    sorry to read that kerry ... save it for next year

    February 10, 2011 at 14:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. TheWarrior

    What a fruitcake. Let's hold hands and clean with Windex. Are you frggen serious? Let me tell you something. I've got about 10 btches on call for valentines day – and I'm probably gonna bang and least two,cause that's how I roll.

    February 10, 2011 at 15:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • TK

      Stay classy, Warrior.

      February 10, 2011 at 15:39 | Report abuse |
    • displeased

      When you're old enough to run your own household, then you'll see what sharing chores is about.

      February 10, 2011 at 15:45 | Report abuse |
    • marie

      Just remember... if you've got 10 girls you could bang on valentine's day, think of how many other men They've got lined up 😉 Common knowledge that it's way eaiser for girls to get guys than it is for guys to get girls, unless you're only banging fug-os?

      February 10, 2011 at 20:53 | Report abuse |
    • Red

      You forgot to mention that they're all over 400 pounds.

      February 10, 2011 at 21:56 | Report abuse |
    • Phil

      I can just imagine those are some really hot and classy ladies, too....NOT !!!!

      February 11, 2011 at 09:38 | Report abuse |
    • ApeHanger

      I've got about 10 btches on call for valentines day

      You mean you do it with dogs??? Pervert!

      February 11, 2011 at 10:10 | Report abuse |
    • MJC

      Yeah, we believe you.

      February 11, 2011 at 11:12 | Report abuse |
    • Mudkip919

      Whatevs. Unless the 10 you are talking about are Rosy Palm and her 10 sisters. Agreed that the guy is a fruitcake.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:27 | Report abuse |
  23. Rooster Cogburn

    Why do you still use condoms with your wife???

    February 10, 2011 at 15:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • John

      It's called birth control, dumb a$$

      February 10, 2011 at 15:54 | Report abuse |
    • JKT

      Several of the things he listed were obviously so the article could appeal to a wide audience. Sorry if you can't infer that.

      February 10, 2011 at 17:09 | Report abuse |
    • Alter Ego

      Rooster – I am sorry noone has yet explained the birds and the bees to you. I know in today's society it appears that only unmarried teenage girls can get pregnant, but married women can in fact get pregnant as well.

      Please take a moment and visit your neighborhood's middle school and have a chat with the PE coach. He probably has a video you need to see.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:44 | Report abuse |
  24. Ashley

    @ TheWarrior LMBO clearly you're a young ignorant BOY! I'm assuming TheWarrior is what your headstone is gonna read when you catch something a shot, pill, or trip to the clinc won't cure! SMH PATHETIC!!!

    February 10, 2011 at 15:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Masa D. Luffy

      The fact that you feel the need to reply to him shows you've got some growing up to do on the internet. Jerks come and go, but there's always a moron with an unsolicited opinion on the internet. Don't be that person, lol. Just makes you look bitter and the victim of a guy like that.

      February 10, 2011 at 20:50 | Report abuse |
    • Alter Ego

      Masa – and the fact that you feel the need to reply to her shows you've got some growing up to do....nevermind, just read your own post and take your own advice.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:48 | Report abuse |
  25. Linda

    The meaning of this story mainly is, you really don't have to spend at lot on Valentine's Day to impress your loved one. I liked his idea of hugging 20 to 30 seconds and kissing for that much time as well. Good article....

    February 10, 2011 at 17:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Laura

    From my husband, I expect a cheesy card and dinner. From my boyfriend, I expect a very expensive necklace and wild s*x on the floor.

    February 10, 2011 at 19:07 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Hahaha!!

      TOO funny!! I love it! =)

      February 11, 2011 at 06:29 | Report abuse |
    • Kat


      February 11, 2011 at 09:17 | Report abuse |
    • ApeHanger

      From my husband, I expect a cheesy card and dinner. From my boyfriend, I expect a very expensive necklace and wild s*x on the floor.

      And when the two of them find out about each other you can expect a serious smackdown.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:08 | Report abuse |
    • Alternatives

      The hubby's got a mistress on the side, that's where his attention is going. The bf will dump you for someone younger...if the hubby doesn't do it first.

      February 11, 2011 at 11:03 | Report abuse |
    • David

      Laura, all joking aside (and there are some very funny coments in these postings).

      I would like to know women's honest opinions on on what Valentine's responsibilites they should have for a man ??? Please add comments...

      February 11, 2011 at 12:36 | Report abuse |
    • What's going to happen

      And then they find each other, become gay, and you're alone.

      February 28, 2011 at 21:55 | Report abuse |
  27. chuchingirl

    why not try to do this more often than only on valentine's day??? you could do one of these things each day of the week, every week and keep the passion alive.....makes sense to me 🙂

    February 10, 2011 at 19:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. BRBSanDiego

    Smack her on the head, tear her clothes off, and throw her on the bed. That is what my girlfriend likes. Grrrrr.

    February 10, 2011 at 20:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. Chris

    This is a silly article. You should try to do this stuff all year long.

    February 10, 2011 at 20:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Jared

    I agree that the men in the relationship should make an effort, not just this one day but throughout the year. I must admit that I lack the perfect lovely dovey touch but making the effort to show you love her really works. I will also say that this doesn't have to come from the men, my wife will do stuff like this also, write notes and put them around the house, little things to show she loves me. I feel it's a give and take. Love can be shown in many ways and it's different for every couple.

    February 11, 2011 at 07:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Omar

      Thank you Jared. This shows that a relationship is a two-way street.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:40 | Report abuse |
  31. Grumpster

    Love that lead picture of the hottie in the nice bubbly tub...and the schmaltzy looking dude just seems to foster the idea of V-day is for singles and perfect people. I can just imagine the real-life example of those rose petals on the stained tub in the single-wide mobile home of the morbidly obese and toothless couple on welfare with 3-5 kids hounding them all day. Now there's a mood killer.

    Now...how about an article for those of us that don't have all those happy shiny toys and time to partake in your happy-shiny 4 days work to get between the sheets? As for me, V-day is an anti-holiday. Florists inflate their prices, jewelers reduce the discounts and put the crap in the front case for suckers and everything seems to be pink....and cards cost $5. No thanks. I'll get my wife treated right any other day, but we both agree that it's a made-up holiday to bolster sales in the middle of frozen February...an otherwise dead month. Bah Humbug.

    February 11, 2011 at 07:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ApeHanger

      As for me, V-day is an anti-holiday.

      You forgot to mention the ridiculous prices in the restaurants. Big money for a teensy steak.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:06 | Report abuse |
    • Valerie

      Agreed. In the spirit of the day, my husband and I just exchange Valentines and that is all. He writes something nice in it and puts the year on it, and I have saved all of these valentines through the years. So in that reagrd, they mean something to me but all that other stuff? No thanks. Besides, I don't want anything from my husband that he feels "forced" to do, I would prefer it just come from the heart. He brought me flowers once to my work in the month of September, and my husbnad is more a "macho-type" man so this was very hard for him to do, he was shaking standing there with those flowers that he delivered himself. That just melted my heart, and I shall never forget it!

      February 11, 2011 at 14:35 | Report abuse |
  32. hmm

    You lost me at #1, when you planned to lie to your wife about a dream in the hopes of manipulating your day into ending in a better experience in bed.

    February 11, 2011 at 07:30 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Grumpster

      Good point. Sorry, but I just can't make that stuff up and feel good about it.

      February 11, 2011 at 07:41 | Report abuse |
    • toothball


      February 11, 2011 at 08:50 | Report abuse |
    • Tater

      Agree 100%. That was my first thought as well. Honesty above all. But the whole article is full of it anyway.

      February 11, 2011 at 12:51 | Report abuse |
  33. lilmorse

    Count me in!!!!

    February 11, 2011 at 07:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Maurice

    I have two hands and a great imagination which means I can have ANY woman that I have seen with her fresh on my mind. Yep folks, palm angels are the best: no drama, money spent, or unwanted rug-rats.

    February 11, 2011 at 07:44 | Report abuse | Reply
    • toothball

      I am of the firm belief that a healthy balance of your hand and an awesome lady is the best foundation for a solid relationship.

      February 11, 2011 at 08:50 | Report abuse |
    • ApeHanger

      Yes, but what if you have bad calluses?

      February 11, 2011 at 10:04 | Report abuse |
  35. John

    Its a very sad day in time when you see posts like this on CNN. America has become a stupid and ignorant nation where CNN has to give you advise on how to live in your personal time. When I was growing up the news was good. It was pure. It was clean. Now you get nothing but this kind of article, gossip and news that has no value on it. The reason why CNN promotes this kind of crap is because our society has become crap and that's what they enjoy indulging in. The class and morality of all things has and is going right out the window. It sucks. Things were better at one moment. America is digging her own grave and the intelligent are watching her bury herself.

    February 11, 2011 at 07:57 | Report abuse | Reply
    • ApeHanger

      When I was growing up the news was good. It was pure. It was clean.

      Really? On which planet did you grow up? Does the name Randolph Hearst mean anything to you?

      February 11, 2011 at 10:03 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      John there is nothing to be ashamed about. S3x is natural. Its part of the life cycle. It shouldn't be mourned, it should be celebrated. I only wish America was as open about it as the countries overseas. Perhaps people wouldn't be so uptight and stressed if they were able to indulge in a little playtime from time to time. Perhaps we would have less people turning to violence to solve problems if we were more willing to talk about life.

      February 11, 2011 at 12:39 | Report abuse |
    • arom

      when was the news pure? in the day when we only had channel 2, 4, and 7 giving us the news?

      February 11, 2011 at 15:53 | Report abuse |
  36. Midwest Guy

    Great article, though!

    February 11, 2011 at 07:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. John

    Oh hush John with your goody two shoes..As soon as you logged off here, you were surfing and doing the five knuckle shuffle like there was no tomorrow.

    February 11, 2011 at 08:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Jack Ovf

    Hot Dayum...I just got some and I feel like a NEW MAN!!!

    February 11, 2011 at 08:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. readerwriter

    Choreplay, I like it.

    Good article. You've gone from therapist to educator.

    February 11, 2011 at 08:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Brock Landers

    Goody two shoes John is probably watching nailing Palin

    February 11, 2011 at 08:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. The L

    You're going to try to get your wife in the mood by showing her a picture of how she looked 10 years ago? Good luck with that!

    February 11, 2011 at 08:17 | Report abuse | Reply
    • MJC

      LOL...Look how hot you were honey!!

      February 11, 2011 at 11:23 | Report abuse |
    • Michelle

      Hahaha... too funny. I like "Choreplay" though.

      February 11, 2011 at 11:53 | Report abuse |
    • muhrvis

      I was on a plane the other day and there was a guy trying to pick up the woman sitting next to him. He was showing her photos of how he was cut ten years ago! hahahaha What a moron.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:38 | Report abuse |
  42. Elizabeth

    What a lot of odd responses......

    February 11, 2011 at 08:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. JWH

    A news agency? Why not a little shame and modesty here? We don't need articles like this, let the pourn sites do that. Just stick to lying about the news.

    February 11, 2011 at 08:31 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Martin

      Apparently not everone has your hangups.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:40 | Report abuse |
    • CHAS

      LOL, I pity you.

      February 11, 2011 at 12:06 | Report abuse |
  44. John B

    My first thought when I looked at the picture was "two women!?!" Hell yes I need to make my wife read this. Then I put on my glasses....and realized I was too old for two women anyway.

    February 11, 2011 at 08:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • DrFood

      Your comment is full of win.

      February 11, 2011 at 09:28 | Report abuse |
    • Really?


      February 11, 2011 at 09:44 | Report abuse |
  45. ruffs

    Nothing like starting off at at step 1 already lying about having a dream and making up an ellaborate story when questioned about the details. Gotta love it.....

    February 11, 2011 at 08:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. CHip

    this article is so BS. Using stats to help your love life....is this really what the world is coming too...

    February 11, 2011 at 08:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. AU Tigers

    Great, another Valintines Day beating off at home alone. I can't wait. Why do I even get out of bed.

    February 11, 2011 at 08:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Concerned Friend

      Hang in there kid.

      February 11, 2011 at 10:30 | Report abuse |
    • muhrvis

      Aw come on... You'll Be OK! And beating off in the meantime gets the job done.

      February 11, 2011 at 15:36 | Report abuse |
  48. Brian

    Quite possibly the worst (and most poorly written) article I've seen in some time . . . fluuuuuuffffffyyyyy!

    February 11, 2011 at 08:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. Humphry

    We're going to Burritto Heaven for our meal, she won't want a wiff of my natural scent.

    February 11, 2011 at 08:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Martin


      February 11, 2011 at 10:39 | Report abuse |
  50. Dick Cheney

    Poorly written article. Reads like he cut and paste pieces of three other articles together for this.

    February 11, 2011 at 09:03 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Martin

      Bits and pieces of his book probably, that he plugged with every other product he mentioned...

      February 11, 2011 at 10:28 | Report abuse |
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