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February 3rd, 2011
09:51 AM ET
Does female sexuality need to be fixed?Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs about sex on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
The problem with this approach? As the film demonstrates, there’s no clear definition of FSD, which makes it difficult to determine whether it’s a problem that needs “treatment” or simply an example of the differences between male and female sexuality. The truth is that no one really knows what FSD is: Some people liken it to male sexual dysfunction, but there are major flaws with this comparison. It’s easy to tell when a man has premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. Female sexuality is less obvious. Women just don’t show clear-cut physical signals when they’re aroused. Another reason that FSD is tough to define is because we tend to label men who don’t climax during sex as “dysfunctional.” Yet an estimated 75 percent of women never orgasm from penetrative sex alone—suggesting that this is normal, not problematic. So maybe we shouldn’t be focusing on “fixing” female sexuality, but changing the ways we have sex so that women more consistently orgasm. Even researchers can’t agree: In 2000, the Journal of Urology offered a few definitions on FSD, including: • Lack of interest in sexual activity More than a decade later, there’s still no consensus on which, if any, of these definitions is accurate. And experts aren’t the only ones who are confused: Although studies suggest that the drug flibanserin could be the new “female Viagra,” the FDA recently declined to approve its use for FSD. In one 2010 study from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, researchers found that women with low sexual desire who took the medication for 6 months had an 18 percent improvement in their libido. But the FDA rejected flibanserin just a month later, saying it failed to completely prove efficacy in treating FSD. Some critics say we shouldn’t be “medicalizing” sex at all and don’t need a pill to treat a condition that may be “all in her head.” After all, lots of women often simply aren’t in the mood for sex, or are distracted by life’s stresses, or just need to start using lubricant. That doesn’t mean they’re dysfunctional. In fact, it may just mean they’re normal: To that end, sex researcher Rosemarie Basson has proposed a new framework for thinking about female sexual response, one that places the importance of emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction at its center. Basson’s framework contends that female sexual arousal is more complex than a male’s and depends more intensely on factors such as relationship satisfaction, self-esteem, and previous sexual experiences. To me, the issue of FSD isn’t black and white. Sure, FSD isn’t as physically obvious as male sexual problems: Viagra works by increasing blood flow to the penis, giving a man an erection, while flibanserin appears to affect the neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in a woman’s brain that influence desire. But that doesn’t mean that FSD doesn’t have a physiological component. Side effects of medications (including some antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and birth-control pills), shifting levels of hormones, stress and anxiety, obesity, and conditions including diabetes and multiple sclerosis can all lower a woman’s desire. So FSD—if it indeed exists—isn’t simply perception, just as it’s not solely physical. My guess is that’s a combination of brain and body—although whether a drug can effectively treat FSD remains unseen. Emily Nagoski, the author of The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, says, “There’s no such thing as a sexual dysfunction that’s 'all in your head.' Neither is there a sexual dysfunction that’s 'all in your vagina.' There is only the embodied mind. Thus education and behavioral training change physiology.” Ladies: 5 ways to feel sexy again In the meantime, there’s no reason why women who want to want sex should suffer with low desire. Prescription testosterone cream may help boost desire women who have low levels of this important sex hormone, as can devices such as the Eros device, which uses a gentle vaccuum pump to stimulate blood flow to the genitals. And don’t discount all the “natural” ways that both women and men can increase sexual desire, from trying new things between the sheets to increasing intimacy outside the bedroom.
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At Good in Bed, many of our experts are buzzing about a new documentary called "
Jane is talking about little bit massaging firs, then breast feeding, running the fingers over the hair, and listen to make sure the heartbeat and breathing goes up. Once it reaches the peak – strike the iron while it is hot. Don’t do it like chickens.
Ahhhhhhh Yawn.
haha.. i like to do it like chickens, and like small game hens. maybe its just me but
Oh my! Excuse me – "Honey! I need you!" Bye folks ; )
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it would seem your afraid of the truth and thing that you don't agree with.
...and I rest my case...
I think your post reflects your poor choice of male partners! Some men are just as self-centered as you assume, but most are not! Maybe you should re-evaluate your criteria for choosing partners!
YES!!! Alright!!! Another, "Let's blame everything on men because I do not want to take responsibility for my own problems.” Men are this, men are that! I don’t think the problem is men. I think maybe if you abandon your daddy issues and insecurities you will meet a polite, honest and suitable man. The way you say ‘most men’ in your posts leads me to believe you have been with A LOT of them. That indicates to me that you have no trouble jumping from one relationship to another. You sound very co-dependent. Quit trying to find happiness in others and look for it within yourself...
There seems to be a great deal of defensive men here today. I think that Jane was simply trying to say that you need to take your time with a women, I mean...if you care whether or not we orgasm or not. We are different. Let's face it. We are emotionally driven, not visually driven like most men. Most women do not think like men and vice versa. You can't just throw us on our backs and hope that we enjoy it. Jane, thanks for posting your comment. Nice to see an intelligent answer in a cloud of ignorance.
Who cares what Jane was really trying to say. Jane wants to talk to me, show respect. All human beings deserve respect, so Jane can go get bent, I don't care what she was trying to say, and I don't know why you do either.
Yea, insulting men and claiming how ignorant we are would never make anyone defensive. Good job there Einstien.
You are absolutely correct. I'm sorry I offended you by calling most of these comments ignorant (not the people themselves). I apologise for making you feel insulted since it wasn't my intention...especially since I do not know you. I did not mean to make you feel personally attacked.
Jane never said men were ignorant. Clueless maybe, but not ignorant.
No, I have too much sympathy for others.
some women will benefit from this, some would benefit from a more skilled partner.
It doesn't mean how many different ways you try, at the end she is going to complaint. "When we are sad, she is glad. When we are deep in sorrow she is joyous. Such a life a woman leads."
Jane is right and the men here are far too defensive.
The truth is that women can't really tell you what they want... they need you to know.
Yes... it sounds ridiculous, but that's part of how to arouse them. It's like ballroom dance. The man leads but it's up to him to read where she wants to be lead and not be lead. If he tries to do a spin and she doesn't want to spin that way, it's up to the man to "read" it and try a different move. If the woman tells the man she wants to be spun a different way... then she's leading and the dance falls apart.
It's amazing how a simple thing like the sound "Mmmmmmmm" can have an incredible effect when properly timed.
Until the "art" telephathy is perfected, there is no way for a man to know what the hell a woman wants....
Pat, Buy her an expensive piece of jewelry, take her to an expensive restaurant and then take her to a club. She will have a couple of orgasms after that.
We've had the cure for FSD for thousands of years – it's called ALCOHOL! 😉
Brilliant. LOL
response to SurferGirl.
i agree...some time on your back and some time on the tummy.
i'm liking you more now that you've expressed such hot scenes!
What are the side effects of this testosterone cream? (No funny answers, now!)
What she says is, shake the bottle before use.
I think Jane is playing with us.
"Women just don’t show clear-cut physical signals when they’re aroused."??? uuuuuhhhh what about getting wet? that isnt a clear-cut physical sign? This woman will say anything to prove her point
Not all women get wet when aroused. Women can get wet when not aroused as well. She's right – it is not clear cut.
And if the woman is undergoing hormonal changes (i.e. perimenopause, post-natal, etc.) she may not get wet at all. Dryness is a common problem for women with hormone imbalances.
This woman is sad I sincerely hope you stop dating that drug dealer off the street but personally I'll just get back to my relationship since yours is clearly something you bitterly love to hate
Heh. You know I always thought it was a stereotype, but I guess other men don't know how to take care of business. Here's a hint guys: girls like oral too! C'mon, I wanna see you dudes wearing your girls thighs like earmuffs!
Yeah, but that's a two way street. I'll do it all day but some reciprocation would be nice too.
I can see it now, men will be slipping girls the pink pill on dates. Nooooow to find some.
The true facts of it are that men don't care. Women are meant to be used and thrown away like a dirty tissue. That's truth. Men want to get in, get off, and get out. Its always been that way and just because women are looking for a free ride with someone to love, nurture, and pay their ways doesn't mean that that's the way it is. Get a grip girls. As far a men go, they just want you to put out and shut up. Truth might hurt a little.
You are really itching for a combative response, aren't you?
I think with you they just want you to shut up.
I am a 48 yr old female and have notice in the past year that I am not naturally lubricating anymore when I'm aroused. After discussing my concerns with my husband I noticed that, without saying anything else, he has begun taking more time with foreplay then before. Smart man? I think so. It has helped a great deal!
Astroglide. Loads of Astroglide. Who's got that kind of free time?
I've been married to the same guy for 27 years and at this point a trained monkey could take my place and do what we do in bed. And frankly, I wish one would. The Blue Pill is he downfall of civilization. Before, the Thing died a natural death when the time was right and now IT goes on far beyond the time that anyone has any use for it. Unless your name is Hugh Hefner and even then, who wants to touch his 200 year old piece of wood.
Jane really hit a nerve with a lot of guys.
Bet this doesn't get posted..
Venus
The women on the post have not had their toes curled up. There are a lot of women that make that b##ty call a 3am in the morning and get can't get enough. Sorry for the 27 years of monkey business.
I'm glad it did get posted because I got a laugh out of it.
You women don't want to see that the problem is both ways with men and women. Some men do not take to me to discover how to touch you and in some case some women don't know their own body and can not tell a man what she like. The end result is a man getting his climax and leave you.
vellocet -
... yeah right, just read their minds... else they'll btch and moan like Jane. Good luck with that strategy!.
testing comments.
Vellocet wrote: "The truth is that women can't really tell you what they want... they need you to know."
This is unmitigated misandrist garbage.
It's all about communication. Men ask, "Why just not tell us what you woman what?" But have you actually been there during the moment and simply asked "Is this good?" "Are you comfortable?" If you are that man that takes time to ask and listen then I applaud you. If you aren't and simply take what you want, then you’re just being greedy and aren't satisfying your woman. Same goes for women, don't be shy and tell your man what you want and how you would like to be pleasured. Like I said it's all about listening and communication. Try it, see if it works!!
And if you don't feel comfortable talking about what you like in bed with your partner, maybe he/she shouldn't be your partner. Whatever happened to getting to know someone before getting laid?
Curious, my comment questioning the business priorities of drug companies was held back. Wonder what code words could possible hold back a comment involved female orgasms.
Mine were held back too! I guess insulting drug companies is a no-no on CNN blogs?
Jane, the Hallmark channel is not reality.
Disney is not reality.
Throw away all the stuffed animals in your bedroom and grow up.
Yeah and when you ask them what they need they shut down and don't say anything. Take it from a nice guy, sometimes women prefer to be treated harshly because if you are too nice then you are deemed a wimp or something.
Try to communicate outside of the bedroom...have a sit down convo and let them know, they need to speak up. No need to be harsh with them...some women are just scared and dont know what to do or want. That's why communication is the key!
Agreed. I know a lot of women that loved it when I just take it like I own it.
get off your high horse and go get laid
Yeah and when you ask them what they want they shut down and don't say anything. Take it from a nice guy, you are better off treating them a bit harshly because if you are too nice they think you are a wimp.
To Jane, and everyone who's posted after her...
You can't lump "women" into a giant group and expect to please every woman in the same way. Just like with men, different things turn different people on.
If you want satisfaction in bed, you have to know what turns you on, know what you like, and communicate that to your partner.
Word. If you don't trust someone enough to tell them what you want or if you don't know at least try stuff and have fun until you figure it out, then holy crap, you probably shouldn't be sleeping with them.
Any most women know what men want? Just because men get "there" easier than women doesn't mean women have us figured out. True to form, we have women stating men's deficiencies yet not seeing the same thing in themselves.
it's so funny that most of the guys comment here, you can tell man are really are selfish, at least most of them.. just reading these comment make me sad "sigh"....
I don't think they're selfish so much as emotionally stunted. Analytical personalities are often not so good on the emotional intelligence side of things. This is why they say: "Tell me what to do, tell me how you feel" Because they simply have no clue you were mad or sad or whatever. Many men are this way, but some women are too... and vice versa. I'm a guy who has a very high emotional IQ, but have never been 'tough' or aggressive. I think women need to understand that if they want a manly man, he's likely to be bad at reading you. Either choose one of us artist/writer men who know how to talk about feelings or deal with the manly man as he is.
Mike:
I'm sorry... saying that they want us to read their minds is not exactly what I wanted to say.
Women ARE telling us... but they're telling us non-verbally. They want us to be able to read non-verbal cues. To men who don't know how to do this (a LOT of us) it seems like they want us to read their minds.
What's sad is the men responding defensively here because they really don't know what they're doing with women in bed. Their insecurity keeps them from learning and asking women questions when the lights are off, so they just focus on pleasing themselves (bc they're too screed of failing). Really confident men will ask you as they go... And they probably don't feel the need to even read this article so we won't be hearing from many of them here.
You're generalizing a bit. Some women have a hard time opening up about what feels good to them or what they want a man to do. In that situation a guy is pretty much out of luck.
Maybe the researchers will one day find why I ( a male) haven't had an orgasm in more than 10 years after taking SSRIs, even after quitting them.
Are you sure you're doing it right?
I have had permanent side-effects from them, too. They are very powerful drugs. If a person really needs them, I believe in their use, and I'd take them again, if I felt suicidal, but yeah, there is no telling what they will do to your body in the long-term.
I hope you can find a solution.
Folks...I can assure you, either you will get old or die young.
So, basically, here's what Jane wants: men to love insecure and neurotic women, throwing standards to the wind and having no expectation of reciprocated maturity.
Good luck with that.
Jane, I've seen your movies with Tarzan, perhaps try someone a bit more refined.
As I responded to your other post... women aren't all alike. If you want to be satisfied, you have to communicate. What makes one woman happy may frustrate another.
Jane,
I've seen your movies with Tarzan, perhaps try someone a bit more refined 🙂
@Elaine. I bet you're ugly...
I bet your gay...
Typical guy response....
Sounds like another excuse to promote drug sales.
I have never, ever, ever been with a girl who didn't orgasm the first time and nearly every time. My last girlfriend apologized two minutes into our first time and said "oh my god, I'm sorry... wow".
That said– I'm usually the one who doesn't "get there". I can stay hard as a rock for a good hour and more, just don't always orgasm. I think that's okay– it's like spending a day on a beautiful hike with one another on a warm spring day; stop here to smell these gorgeous flowers, or go over there and climb a tree, or peeked behind some bushes to watch a baby deer drink from the stream– but maybe you didn't make it to the very top of the mountain. That's okay, it was still an amazing time.
reading to many magazines
Joe's full of it. I had the "pleasure" of being with him once. It was the worst 20 seconds of my life. My girlfriends and I call him "2 pump Joe". He just pounds away like it's an Olympic sport or something. Oh, and don't even get me started on the (lack of) size...
😉
; )
Nice....a nice map to tantric pleasures
Your wording was eloquently put
We women can be very very lucky as even if we orgasm quickly...we can again again and again....some of us that is
Yeah, right. They ALL had orgasisms, huh? Sure buddy. Remember the Seinfeld episonde...fake, fake, fake, fake.
are you gonna be my girl?
Jane's entire argument flies in the face of gender equality.
Like the other guy said, stop watching Lifetime and Hallmark Channel and start behaving like a normal human being. You're not a princess.
By nature, the female is not required to orgasm in order for reproduction and continuation of the human race. It's the male's task to orgasm. Expecting a female to orgasm as easily (and with as much pleasure) as a male is just preposterous.
Exactly. Thank you.
I'm oretty sure my orgasms are just as intense as my boyfriend's are. And women may not "need" to orgasm in order to reproduce, it sure as hell makes me a lot more interested in "reproducing" 😉
actually, womens org*sm increases odds of pregnancy. so nature does like....
And you're right, we DO have to drink to get aroused by you MoDee, bc you're sooooooo predictable and boring :/
...I have never, ever, ever been with a girl who didn't orgasm the first time and nearly every time. My last girlfriend apologized two minutes into our first time and said "oh my god, I'm sorry... wow".
That said– I'm usually the one who doesn't "get there". I can stay hard as a rock for a good hour and more, just don't always orgasm. I think that's okay– it's like spending a day on a beautiful hike with one another on a warm spring day; stop here to smell these gorgeous flowers, or go over there and climb a tree, or peeked behind some bushes to watch a baby deer drink from the stream– but maybe you didn't make it to the very top of the mountain. That's okay, it was still an amazing time.
"I have never, ever, ever been with a girl who didn't orgasm the first time and nearly every time."
Hah! That's what you think. Ever watch Meg Ryan's performance in When Harry Met Sally? She's spot on.
Joe's a legend in his own mind.
Hey Venus
Yeah I saw that when I was younger and read about the faking "it" in many other places and now I never believe a womans moans, screams, what have you. Matter of fact when it happens, I immediately start to distrust her and it actually turns me right off. Now isn't that nice to have to live with!
Most women are just soo uptight with "down there" they can't begin to tell you what feels good.
Joe you the man. Venus you suck. I know everytime when my girl is close to getting off. Or any girl to be exact. When the hoo ha tightens up and their body starts to shrivel you just know. My girl doesn't even have to tell me not to stop. I honestly can say I know when she is about to and I keep the rythm. My girl has also gotten off from just giving me oral. Because she loves it and she gets off on making me feel good. And on top of that she has even gotten off from watching me get off. I just treat her good and give her attention. That's all it really takes. The rest will just happen.
It's not faking when she comes, blushes, laughs, and says "Oh my god, did I just squirt??", and eases right back down on there.
healthy perspective. some women it is very easy.... certain age, things seem to change, but up until then, may not take much