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Men have upper hand in sexual economy
January 18th, 2011
04:54 PM ET

Men have upper hand in sexual economy

It's not a new theory:  As women progress in educational and professional opportunities, their odds of finding a committed man appear to go down. Women in their 40s and 50s have long heard this, but new research finds it's true for women just entering adulthood as well.

That's one of the findings in the new book "Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think About Marrying," by researchers Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker at the University of Texas at Austin.

They looked at the results from a number of national studies including the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health and the National Study of Youth and Religion, in addition to interviews with young people ages 18 to 23.

Researchers found that since women in the 18- to 23-year-old group feel they don't need men for financial dependence, many of them feel they can play around with multiple partners without consequence, and that the early 20s isn't the time to have a serious relationship. But eventually, they do come to want a real, lasting relationship. The problem is that there will still be women who will have sex readily without commitment, and since men know this, fewer of them are willing to go steady.

"Women have plenty of freedom, but freedom does not translate easily into getting what you want," Regnerus said.

The wide availability of pornography has also influenced the dynamics of relations between men and women, Regnerus said. A segment of 20-something men are content to have their sexual experiences by themselves, removing them from the pool of available partners. That means high-quality men - likely those who want monogamous, committed relationships - are still eligible for dating, but the overall dating pool has shrunk, meaning some women will be left unsatisfactorily single.

Researchers also found that marrying at or before age 20 constitutes the greatest risk for subsequent divorce, the data show. Early marriage doesn’t cause the divorce, but the partners are likely to be unprepared for the kinds of adjustments required, Regnerus said.

And here's perhaps some good news: Sexual behavior among this age group is less salacious than you might think. The "hookup culture" is most prominent when there is a Greek system present; otherwise, college students seem more inclined toward stable relations and have fewer sexual partners.

In case you were wondering, 16% of 18- to 23-year-olds are virgins, according to the surveys used in the book. In that age group there are more men than women who have never had sex. By age 27, the portion of virgins goes down to 8%.


soundoff (647 Responses)
  1. BILLYBOY

    Men control dating – Women control marriage. Once you watch her walk down the aisle to join hands and stand with you at the alter you relinquish all control over you life. So why then would a man want to get married you ask? Because we were young and stupid and wanted to "do the right thing". If we only knew then what we know now.
    Young women want to date a handsome young man who takes charge and has personality, drive and potential. Then after spitting out 2 or 3 kids she realizes that she'd rather have a doormat. So she takes 1/2 his money, alienates him from his children, and trades him in for some smuck she can dominate. I've seen it over and over and of course, is exactly what happened to me.

    January 18, 2011 at 21:47 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Unconscious

      Choose a better woman?

      January 18, 2011 at 22:32 | Report abuse |
    • Sherrie

      what about the kids???? they ARE yours...... I feel bad for the kids because they get the brunt of the frustration.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:10 | Report abuse |
    • happy_alone

      You know why the bride is always smiling at her wedding? She knows she has given her last BJ...

      January 19, 2011 at 08:05 | Report abuse |
    • Sally Li

      The song "Billy Boy" is about a model of marriage and family which used to be quite common in America, and was winked at and treasured. It's part of the story about how America was built. Today, the same song would be political anathema, and anyone living out that traditional model of marriage and family would be prosecuted, even if they didn't break the law in any way.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:16 | Report abuse |
    • Notaredneck

      Unconscious

      "Choose a better woman?"

      That's what men have been doing and look what it's got them. I'd hate to think how bad marriage would become if they chose the supposedly "better" women.

      January 20, 2011 at 03:22 | Report abuse |
  2. JackLaMay

    most women do have a difficult time finding the right man, but so do men.

    January 18, 2011 at 21:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Ted Ward

    75 percent of divorces are filed by women, not men. Why? Studies show the reason is that women can get control of the money and the children that way. It's because they can do it that these women do it. They don't want to work it out, they just want control of the money and the children. It isn't men that are heading for the exits, it's womnen. Women want the wedding, the ring, and the marriage, the commitment, then they want out. They are that superficial. They don't want to work it out, they just want to get out and get the money and control. Women are inherently insecure and for this reason avoid real communication which is really a kind of confrontation. They just lawyer up and file for divorce. The "no fault" divorce laws make this really easy. So much for commitment, family, love, sticking it out, etc. Just don't get married to begin with. Our laws and culture no longer support marriage and family. That's the reality. Suck it up and "move on" as they say...

    January 18, 2011 at 21:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • jc

      and yet men are all over these women and want to bring them home to display their pretty trophies in their social circle.

      January 18, 2011 at 22:34 | Report abuse |
    • Sherrie

      Ted-
      if more men lawyered up and fought for the kids, less women would act the way they do......

      January 19, 2011 at 00:13 | Report abuse |
    • Deana

      Sounds like Ted has been dumped! I do agree with his thoughts on trying to make things work out. Sometimes that can't be done. There is abuse and other factors. Sometimes people fall out of love, unfortunately someone gets hurt. This is want brings on bitter people. Live & Learn. I've heard people say they will just keeping trying until they get it right.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:30 | Report abuse |
    • data source?

      I don't know that you are a credible data source. Where did you get this stat?

      January 19, 2011 at 10:48 | Report abuse |
    • Obviously

      Lawyer up and fight what? The law? Idiot, the laws men are screwed in divorces. You cant just beat the law.

      January 19, 2011 at 11:20 | Report abuse |
    • Just Saying

      Just google who files for divorce more often. Except for the under 20 grp, it's more men than women.

      January 19, 2011 at 12:04 | Report abuse |
    • Notaredneck

      Women define "communication" as "You agree with me, or else!"

      January 20, 2011 at 03:24 | Report abuse |
    • YoAdrienne

      I'm one of the 75% that filed for divorce. He smacked me around a few dozen times (in 12 years) and he finally did it in front of our son, made me wake up and do the difficult task of leaving someone I truly loved but had anger issues. Left without a dime to my name. He married 3 weeks after our divorce, and had three more kids, I stayed single (and broke, paying child care and getting very little child support while his other kids were getting everything they needed) and had no more kids. Given the chance to do over, how can I change it? I love my son just as he is, even if he did get the short end of the stick. But he didn't have to grow up watching his mother get pushed around by his father. Priceless.

      January 25, 2011 at 12:20 | Report abuse |
  4. MrMajestik

    Amazing statistics... they left one out ... number of 25 year old virgins who morbidly obese... 90% the other 10% have severe emotional and mental health problems generally caused by religion dogma... sorry but the human body is "designed" to become very randy in adolescence... repressing that doesn't make you virtuous it make you histrionic and emotionally unbalanced...that is what started psychology... look it up!.

    January 18, 2011 at 21:52 | Report abuse | Reply
    • BRAHAHAHA

      So funny because it's so true.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:09 | Report abuse |
    • Slowpoke

      Very true sir. I'm 27 now and still trying to break down the delusions from my youth.. It's hard though when one is inherently delusional to begin with.

      January 19, 2011 at 12:12 | Report abuse |
  5. roginator

    Well then. Is it too late to join a fraternity? It's only been 20 years since I graduated college.

    January 18, 2011 at 21:56 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ted Ward

      I guess that's the take away here. It's the fraternity/sorority model that is most rewarding! Ha! LOL

      January 18, 2011 at 22:01 | Report abuse |
    • Jon

      not gonna lie, it's been a good ride.

      January 18, 2011 at 22:09 | Report abuse |
  6. SunGod

    Check into the word "arthanareeshwarar" in Google. Male female fight is an age old issue in Hindu mythology. Peace!

    January 18, 2011 at 21:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Jack K1

    "The book" is hooey. The guys doing it by themselves aren't taking themselves out of the available pool – they've been booted out by the women – at least for the night.

    Next: when a guy is ready to settle down, then he's ready to go steady. It has nothing to do with the woman he's with – if he's not ready, he's not ready. And not being ready has nothing to do with how many women are ready and willing. Being ready for steady is simply a matter of being ready to move on to the next stage of life.

    Jumping into marriage to "play grown-up" just turns it into a "starter marriage", and you really don't want to go there.

    So what about the woman who is ready but dating a man who isn't? Either take your chances and wait him out or move along to the next guy. I recommend the latter. If he grows up and realizes he can't live without you, he'll find you – but it isn't likely, and frankly you are NOT getting any younger – though you may be getting a LOT more interesting to be with.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Jon

    Yes, there is a relationship between women being educated and getting married less. However, this is a correlation relationship and not a causation relationship. Perhaps a lot of these women continue their education because they don't have a good reason not to, such as a serious relationship. Also, perhaps these women are more the type of women who are less likely to marry in the first place. Driven women, who desire their own career are often less attractive to men because we have egos, plain and simple, and many don't want to come home and have a power struggle every night about who wears the pants.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:02 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sherrie

      HA!!!!!!! Don't you mean who is going to take off the pants??????

      January 19, 2011 at 00:16 | Report abuse |
    • MikeMaz

      I think guys who are like that have inferiority complexes about there wives having a real job.. or it makes them feel good about themselves if there wives are hosewives etc. Personally I wanted and did marry a woman who was just as educated as I was and we have jobs where in nany one year one of us or the other made more than the other. I think that is pretty cool

      January 19, 2011 at 09:52 | Report abuse |
  9. dj23

    in the words of the great rodney dangerfield, "hey everyone! were all gonna get laid!"

    January 18, 2011 at 22:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. john doe

    What is in it for a guy to ever get married? The guy is the one taking the most risk. Women need to stop being so demanding and the govt needs to stop catering to these greedy women with stupid laws. There is more than enough women out there to hook up with. Marriage is obsolete.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Brad

    why did this interesting article turn into a gender based anger fest?

    January 18, 2011 at 22:14 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ted Ward

      Because this article is so obviously flawed. Typical of so many similarly slanted articles we've all read over the years...and we've all paid the price...

      January 18, 2011 at 23:02 | Report abuse |
  12. fred

    Educated women stay married loger? Could it be because they are pulling in a good salary and the guy can't afford to let that slip away?

    January 18, 2011 at 22:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Kevin

    I resent the implication that if there are any other women who are willing to put out without requiring committment, men will go with them instead of committing to those who want relationships. I dated many women, and quickly dumped the ones who were eager to have s_e_x before developing a real relationship. There's no chance of building something good with a woman who shows so little discretion about having s_e_x. The relationship becomes all about getting it on, instead of getting to know them. Having to wait, and anticipate, and imagine, can be hot. Some women dumped me because I didn't make heavy moves on them the first date. A few even told stories about their "successful" one-night-stands. I guess their self-image and self-worth was based on enticing men into their beds. Their loss, because now I have a great relationship and a fabulous s_e_x life. Neither of us were virgins or anything, but the fact that we didn't sleep around with dozens of partners means we still have things we can explore together. Jackpot!

    January 18, 2011 at 22:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Max

      You're so freaked by s_e_x you can't write it without underscore characters. Think that might have skewed your perspective?

      January 18, 2011 at 23:42 | Report abuse |
    • Kevin

      No, Max, I'm not freaked out about it at all. I assumed CNN's "morality" filters would refuse to post the word, even though that's what the article's all about. I love getting it on, and as I said, I was no virgin when we got together, but girls who've slept around with 20+ guys aren't relationship material. So have fun playing around, but don't be surprised if the best guys aren't available when you're finally ready to have a real relationship.

      January 19, 2011 at 07:12 | Report abuse |
  14. MarriedMan

    My wife and I married when we were both 22 years old. We both supported abstinence until marriage. 9 years and 4 kids later we couldn't be happier. Marriage is wonderful at any age if you carefully marry the right person and spend your life loving them.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Ralph L.

    Men trade women in who don't put out.

    Women trade men in who don't have enough money, etc.

    Both are superficial. What this article really needs to state is most people, male or female, are superficial and screw each other over with regular basis.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. jonesjonsie

    ii think the analogy about a key opening locks is called a master key but a lock that's opened with many keys is a crappy lock was the best said comment.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Robert W

    I'd marry a college educated career woman. If it decreases the chances I'll have to hear her complain about other women, why I don't want to go out to some lame fufu restaurant, or why I'm fine using paper plates so I have to do less dishes. Bring on the grad students!

    January 18, 2011 at 22:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Marina

      Well, I am married, but I fit the bill and I don't nag about restaurants as long as they're healthy, that's because I care about my man's health.

      January 18, 2011 at 23:02 | Report abuse |
  18. HCA

    Men have always had the power. You know why? They older I get, the more money I make & the more seasoned I become in my career. All that (plus staying reasonably fit of course) equals my stock going up. With women....we we all know what happens with time. Western women think that "feminism" and this new freedom has given them some kind of new ground or new freedoms. In reality all it has done is give men easier access to that box between your legs ( I know that was crude!). It used to be a man would have to court a young lady, gain family acceptance, make a commitment (a la marriage) to get the keys to the golden box....not so anymore...a couple drinks and a decent dinner and we are killing it every time. Then you turn 30.... The truth is women and men are NOT equal. We are different and have different needs. It is not equality you are seeking but equity of which you have neither.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Marina

      That is why you will never get an educated reserved woman, only some trash at your corner bar. Like attracts like. Enjoy STDs!

      January 18, 2011 at 23:00 | Report abuse |
    • Elisabeth

      I'm sorry, what happens to women in time?

      Sweetie, if you're referring to the fact that men can BUY younger mates now, so can older women 🙂 A woman who takes care of herself, has a good career and is financially stable will attract a lot of young hot men 😀

      Money makes the world go round 😉

      January 18, 2011 at 23:17 | Report abuse |
    • Sally Li

      The feminist theory of gender equality strongly correlates to Maoist ideology as put into practice in mainland China from about 1949 until the Cultural Revolution civil war in the 1960's. It is a way to reduce population.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:22 | Report abuse |
    • Robert

      One can laugh and disparage, but this guy has a point. All feminism did was make it easier for a man to get laid. It just is true. And men and women are different. The fact that the woman has to bear the offspring for 9 months is one... there are others. guys can just ejacul8 all they want, but women do carry the consequences of both their actions.

      January 22, 2011 at 06:21 | Report abuse |
  19. Ekuran

    Marriage is a bit overrated.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Tony Antin

    Oh, all you silly, totally self-centered young people! I'm now 87, my wife 62, We have been married for 62 years.
    And now, when the lust is over, a better and every greater love remains. How did we do it? Simple. We didn't
    spend any time asking, "Am I happy?" We each may have, at times, considered murder, but never divorce.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:35 | Report abuse | Reply
    • KantSpel

      Dam, Pops...married her the day she was born?!?!

      January 18, 2011 at 23:20 | Report abuse |
    • Max

      I hope you meant 26 years.

      January 18, 2011 at 23:46 | Report abuse |
    • Laurasoraurus

      Beautifully put. My husband and I have not been married as long as you have, but when we wrote our vows it was all about what we looked forward to doing for each other. Wether it was caring for the other one when they were sick or supporting them emotionally and finically while they completed the next phase in their education. It was is not about being happy all the time ( that's ridiculous). It was joy in finding a person who you wanted to go through the rough times with because when you get through it you look at each other and laugh about how hard that was. I hope the people who are posting comments that reflect their opinion that relationships are like some Machiavellian mind game can some day find a person who changes that opinion. In the end we all want to be loved and respected by someone we love and respect.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:30 | Report abuse |
  21. kzoframe39

    Yet more evidence that feminism hurts women more than it benefits them, and more than it hurts men. Probably not as much as it hurts children, though.

    I'm 39. I noticed in my 20s that feminist values seemed to harm women over the age of 35. I used to think this had to do with older women who were growing up before feminism really took root. As I've grown older, I've noticed the age threshold stayed the same. It's not generational change which hurts feminist women, it's feminism itself. And young women aren't immune, they who can't line themselves up fast enough for their share of cutting, starving, and puking.

    Good job Oprah, Barbara Walters, Gloria Steinam, et al. The number of mature women who thrive under feminism is vanishingly small. While most of the comments are bitter or tongue in cheek, I find it tragic. I love women but I hate their stupid values, and I hate those values in them. And why not, it's a hateful loathsome value system and deserves derision.

    I feel better now.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:35 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Marina

      We don't care, but thanks for sharing.

      January 18, 2011 at 22:59 | Report abuse |
    • Sheerz

      I would say I'm a feminist–but then again there are several different types of feminists. I don't agree with a lot of them. All I really agree with is that women should have the ability to have the same opportunities as men, equal treatment, etc. Not all that extra crap about living it up your entire life. Classiness is key.

      January 19, 2011 at 01:05 | Report abuse |
  22. Tony Antin

    CORRECTION; MY WIFE IS 82...EIGHTY-TWO NOT 62

    January 18, 2011 at 22:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ted Ward

      I was going to comment on those age numbers, but your comment was so sweet I thought it would be mean spirited to do so.
      Good for you!

      January 18, 2011 at 23:11 | Report abuse |
    • KantSpel

      Ok, I scrolled down and now I don't think you were a pervert.

      January 18, 2011 at 23:24 | Report abuse |
    • trixen

      Congratulations to both of you. You managed to find that proverbial pot of gold that the rest of us can only dream about. Realistically speaking, I'd rather have what you have than a winning lottery ticket.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:04 | Report abuse |
    • Robert

      Good Sir, don't mind the morons who automatically assumed the truth when you obviously made a typo. Some people just aren't that intelligent. thus this long list of grievances on both sides of this issue. the truth is... very few know how to empathize anymore. And to truly discern a real gem from fakes. This society is all about appearances and image. Until that changes, you can read a thousand articles like this and it won't change a damn thing. People will still be myopic and blinkered by the brainwashing of society, friends and social pressure.

      January 22, 2011 at 06:28 | Report abuse |
  23. The Trend

    When a man gets married he is also marrying the government. "honey don't blow all our money on shoes" is now economic violence and will land you under a retraining order and in jail on nothing more than the say so of a woman. Who in their right mind would take that chance?

    January 18, 2011 at 22:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Notaredneck

      There are still some, but fewer every year.

      January 20, 2011 at 03:33 | Report abuse |
  24. TheBourneBlogger

    I hate when CNN changes to this layout...

    January 18, 2011 at 22:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. squirt

    wow you sound like nice guys, both of you will turn out to be bitter old men, you know the ones, that sit there "when I was your age..." there is no difference between men and women, there are differences in personality. personality and character is what makes someone who they are. you both need to get over yourself and really look in the mirror and wonder why don't i have a good personality???

    January 18, 2011 at 22:47 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Joe

      There's a huge difference between women and men. In a divorce, the law favors the woman.

      January 21, 2011 at 00:24 | Report abuse |
    • Robert

      Actually, the old dudes have a point. Half of marriages end up in divorce. But it gets worse. This means the other half of marriages that don't end in divorce... a good chunk are happy and the other part are staying together for various reasons. So really, the percentage of "successful" marriages is even lower than 50%! If half of them were happy and half not, then the reality is that 75% of marriages end up badly.

      January 23, 2011 at 02:11 | Report abuse |
  26. Marina

    Hey, I am 23, I got married last year and I am about to be done with my BA and off to a grad school. My issue with men is that they ALWAYS want to provide for me, and I DON'T want their money or support -I just want care, attention and LOVE. I want my husband to be my BEST FRIEND not a provider than he wants to be. I would never gold dig. Is this normal? heh

    January 18, 2011 at 22:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • trixen

      Yep, it's normal. It's called independence. Good for you and congrats!

      January 19, 2011 at 00:00 | Report abuse |
    • Sam

      LOL! I got married 5 years ago, to a 19-year-old. Had a child right away. Put her (wife) through college and grad school. Now she (wife) is 25. I'm 34. How's that for caring and support?!

      January 19, 2011 at 00:16 | Report abuse |
    • beth

      no, that's not normal. and, frankly, you're probably lying - either to us or to yourself.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:22 | Report abuse |
    • Kris

      Most women are gold diggers. They treat you that way because that's what society has told them to do.

      January 19, 2011 at 04:04 | Report abuse |
    • Jack

      HAHA – you don’t want a provider until you hit thirty and realize that you want kids. Get real and realize that your BA is worth a certificate that says “I feel so smart.”

      January 19, 2011 at 10:54 | Report abuse |
  27. Prem

    I gave up wanting and thinking I "needed" a number of things people take so seriously or care about so much, like religion, relationships, materialism in general. Never felt happier or more relieved than I am nowadays. Not saying it's for everyone, but for those who get bummed out because of the things mentioned above, I suggest giving it a try sometime. You would be surprised how much happier you feel.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:48 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Joe

      This is one of the best comments I've read here. Shows great maturity. I hope some people will read it and learn from it, or at least be curious to look into it. It will save a lot of stress in their lives. Of course, I agree with your point of view. Along these same lines, consider reading a little about Taoism. It's a similar mind set.

      January 19, 2011 at 03:48 | Report abuse |
    • Robert

      Yes, finally someone with some sense. Just like a few other posters who obviously are from the old school where all you needed was love... not all this other BS that passes for love these days. The fewer imagined fantasies and expectations we have, the happier we can be. Of course, someone will bag on this as is their usual thing to do –like I am advocating settling for that beggar on the street... such is the knee-jerk reaction of some... but it is true. The simpler your life, the better.

      January 22, 2011 at 06:33 | Report abuse |
  28. Brandon

    This article is a load of crap. All of it! I don't even no where to begin on my problems with this article. I'm 23, and a college grad, and this is not how it is. I guarantee that the person who wrote the article is much older than the targeted age range.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • DrTrojandevil

      LOL...you dont 'no' where to begin?!?! Which college did you graduate from?

      January 18, 2011 at 23:14 | Report abuse |
    • trixen

      @DrTrojandevil Amen to that. It makes one question our edumuhcation system, don't it?

      January 18, 2011 at 23:58 | Report abuse |
    • Brad

      LOL? Last I checked this was as incorrect as using 'no' instead of 'know.' Let's not forget this is an informal message board. You obviously got the message he was trying to get across.

      January 19, 2011 at 15:18 | Report abuse |
  29. rossini

    I am a 23 year old virgin who is willing to give all of these so called lonely girls a shot and guess what I'm not looking for just a one night stand.

    My cellphone is growing cobwebs.

    January 18, 2011 at 22:57 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Jeff S

      Thats your problem. You can't wait for life to happen. You have to make it happen.

      Oh, and trying to find a mate never works. Just go out and have fun. Enjoy life. Date people, sleep with as many (safely) as you want, or dont sleep with any. But don't go out thinking you need to find a girl or a guy. I guarantee you will find your soul mate when you least expect it.

      The problem with the world today is we are trying to make rules that apply to everyone. The idea of putting a square peg in a round hole. Th world isn't full of carbon copies. Listen to what people say, but don't take it as gospel. Make your own rule (as long as they don't hurt someone.) Throw caution to the wind. You only live once.

      January 18, 2011 at 23:45 | Report abuse |
  30. pam

    Mamas, be a good example for your sons and your daughters. Dads too. Nobody really likes it, but the fact remains that women set the tone for the relationship AND there definitely IS a double standard. Sucks, but there it is. My son, who is 30, is dating/now engaged to a fabulous girl who told him she would move anyplace with him – but, there have to be TWO rings (either a wedding band for both of them OR a wedding ring and engagement ring for her. I say good for her! I have seen my son rise to the occasion and be the gentleman I raised him to be. I also am (re)married and am married to a real gentleman – and refused to be jaded and live together without a commitment and dump my promising career and go wherever he was just to have a man, even though I loved him completely. He too rose to the occasion – and freely admits that my requirements were not so much demands as the level to which he expected to rise for a woman who was worth it. And felt she was. Grandma was right, sorry! Why buy a cow when the milk is free?

    January 18, 2011 at 23:00 | Report abuse | Reply
    • me

      So you praise your son's girlfriend for telling him she would move anywhere for him....but you told your hubby you wouldn't move anywhere for him...

      January 19, 2011 at 11:56 | Report abuse |
  31. Wiseman

    Wonder why men don't want these women? Here's some of the many reasons:

    1.Anytime there is an argument between them, the woman feels that it's some sort of assault on her gender and then starts spouting tons of irrational feminist nonsense.
    2. Divorce laws in this country screw over men and leave them broke. With a near 50% divorce rate, what's the point?
    3. These women decide to wait till they're 30 or 40 and then want to start having kids. Have you ever seen a graph comparing genetic birth defects versus the mother's age? Those rates go up exponentially with age! Have kids with a 40 yr. old.. f that. end up going broke with medical bills.. If I want kids, I'll find someone younger than 30.
    4. Foreign women are awesome. They're usually smarter...in other words they don't say stupid things. They're prettier...all of the tanning you did as a teenager will show up later in your life and make your skin look gross ladies. The respect their man, and then their man respects them.
    5. Monogamy sucks.

    January 18, 2011 at 23:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ted Ward

      "Foreign" women that I've dated in Europe are different from American women. Notably they seem quite content with themselve as women and with men as men. American women seem to resent men for being men and for having any male prerogatives and resent and hate themselves for being women. So true!

      January 18, 2011 at 23:17 | Report abuse |
    • trixen

      Dutch women are HOT!!!

      January 18, 2011 at 23:53 | Report abuse |
    • Sarah in Texas

      Wiseman, you are not so wise. Sounds more like you are pretty bitter and maybe just have a way of attracting big losers.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:21 | Report abuse |
    • HonkHonk

      "'Foreign' women that I've dated in Europe are different from American women. Notably they seem quite content with themselves as women and with men as men."

      YES. Exactly right. American women hate men and are a nightmare to try to have any kind of a relationship with.

      January 19, 2011 at 15:06 | Report abuse |
  32. Ally

    THIS is why you DON'T give up for free, ladies. Stop being STUPID and fooling yourselves. If he wants it he'll put a ring on it!

    January 18, 2011 at 23:02 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ted Ward

      And if he doesn't put a ring on it, go away!

      January 18, 2011 at 23:20 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff S

      Not exactly. We'll just go somewhere else. I can guarantee men do not get married to get into a woman's pants. And just because we want to sleep with a girl doesn't mean we want to spend the rest of our lives with her.

      But if you require a "ring on it" before you will roll in the hay thats fine. You will limit the pool of men. Not that that is a bad thing. Just reality. There are women out there that understand love and s3x are two different things and are not connected.

      I think the issue is that Woman feel like they need a man to be locked in to them for some reason so they try to entice them commit and put a ring on it as you say. A physical relationship is important in any emotional relationship. Its what divides friends from mates. And just because you are married doesn't mean you are mates. I know plenty of married couples who if you want to get technical are simply friends. There is no connection there other than some common goals in life.

      Don't get hung up on the physical relationship. And don't think the emotional one will bring a physical one. They are two totally different things and totally independent of each other.

      January 18, 2011 at 23:56 | Report abuse |
    • touristguy87

      ...and if you really want him you'll sleep with him even if he's married to someone else already.

      whatever

      January 19, 2011 at 00:56 | Report abuse |
    • Greenie

      I would never buy a car without taking it for a test drive first. Know what I mean?

      January 19, 2011 at 01:32 | Report abuse |
    • Jeff

      Wouldn't it be better to put the ring on the finger.

      January 19, 2011 at 12:49 | Report abuse |
    • Robert

      This is really the women's dilemma, isn't it? If you don't put out, someone else will. And it is even more pronounced here in America... the women who do try to play coy just lose out because there are a bevy of floozies out there just being born one after the other... The key is just to learn to value yourself. Whatever gender you are. You are not defined by the number of relationships you have or haven't had. Just live your life and enjoy yourself without going "on the hunt". Believe me, it worked foir me. The minute I stopped looking and just lived life... someone always showed up.

      January 22, 2011 at 06:41 | Report abuse |
  33. DrFreddy

    Legalize polygyny so all the single women who are left out can enjoy a husband!

    January 18, 2011 at 23:05 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Lost

      ...and make polyandry more culturally acceptable so that men can do the same...

      January 18, 2011 at 23:35 | Report abuse |
    • trixen

      @Lost I think I've seen that movie. Sasha Grey was in it... (or rather they were in her...LOL)

      January 18, 2011 at 23:50 | Report abuse |
    • GwT

      Yeah, no. One spouse is enough, why would anyone want to multiply their stress levels by a factor of two or more? 😉

      January 19, 2011 at 00:22 | Report abuse |
    • Sally Li

      Polygyny would be one solution to the loss of male rights. If one of the wives tried to divorce her husband and take him to the cleaners, and accuse him of all sorts of nonsense, the other wife or wives would defend him, and that would be the end of it.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:28 | Report abuse |
    • RS

      Polygyny makes complete sense, but puritan America will never buy into it.

      Make it so that plural marriage is legal, and in order to divorce one of the spouses, you must get a majority vote. When you leave the marital group, you can't take any of the assets with you, except the kids, IF you can prove you are the better parent for custody. Problem solved! 😀

      January 19, 2011 at 15:29 | Report abuse |
  34. maxwell

    learn all you can then ya die

    January 18, 2011 at 23:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. hca reply

    That is because they can see you for what you are- a L-O-S-E-R!

    January 18, 2011 at 23:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. jen

    There is a reason I'm 30 years old, well educated, have a good job, and have never been married, and it is this: I'm scared to death of it. Everyone, men and women, they're all capable of being jerks. I've seen too many people I care about get their hearts broken by a gf/bf/wife/husband who seemed very trustworthy and turned out to be anything but. The fact remains that we're all capable of acting like idiots, and the idea of legally binding myself to someone who will likely one day screw me over in some capacity is just not a risk I'm willing to take. I'll date around, have relationships, all of that, but I just don't know if I could ever get married. That's why I am where I am.

    Some of you will probably say you pity me, that I'm going to miss out on so many beautiful things in life. But this is a completely different world than it was 50 years ago. No one has to get married. And who says relationships have to be forever, anyway? Isn't it possible that there are different people who are right for you at different times in your life? If you've been married for 40 years and are completely happy, then more power to you. But maybe marriage isn't for everyone, and no one should be made to feel bad just because this social construct doesn't work for them.

    How about this? Just enjoy your life. As long as you're not deliberately hurting anyone, just enjoy your life. You only get one.

    January 18, 2011 at 23:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • trixen

      You make perfect sense to me! I'm the exact same way. 🙂

      January 18, 2011 at 23:55 | Report abuse |
    • touristguy87

      Prenup.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:55 | Report abuse |
    • just-in-time

      Interesting how you qualified "hurting" with "deliberately"... which means you acknowledge that you may be inflicting pain even though it "may" not be deliberate. What does that make you? A hypocrite? You've seen people you care about get hurt, but yet full-heartedly accept the awareness that you may very well be hurting someone else. Your comment can be summarized as follows:
      "I ,like everyone, act like an idiot from time to time. So I would rather be a selfish idiot than a selfless one."
      I think that sounds about right...

      January 19, 2011 at 02:30 | Report abuse |
  37. Nicholas

    The pool of women that can cook, clean, do laundry and has maternal characteristics is miniscule. And for some reason they want a man that is the breadwinner, but always has abundant time for them. A man putting in 60-70 hours a week bringing home 100k/yr will be accused by his mercedes driving wife that doesn't work that he doesn't spend enough time with her. Women are one giant contradiction

    January 18, 2011 at 23:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Elisabeth

      Er....why can't you cook, clean or do laundry? Are you disabled?

      January 18, 2011 at 23:21 | Report abuse |
    • Sarah in Texas

      Wow, you sure do know everything about what a woman wants. I wish I could be the one who gets to cook and clean for you. Gag.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:16 | Report abuse |
    • Sherrie

      100k isn't gonna get you very far..... that won't even pay for the house and the kids.....

      January 19, 2011 at 00:38 | Report abuse |
    • HeyZeus

      No Elizabeth, he cannot cook because he is too busy working the 50 to 60 hours a week keeping your fat, Oprah watching butt at home with your Mercedes!

      And sarah, you probably burn water, you self righteous tart.

      January 19, 2011 at 01:03 | Report abuse |
    • JOHN

      Yes Nicky the women are a paradox, just tell them the rules and hope they obey you.

      Men are very busy with everything

      January 19, 2011 at 07:07 | Report abuse |
    • Nicholas

      There is just sort of a bargain that is made, men will work their asses off to support a woman and in return he expects certain things without whining. If I am gonna be the one who has to spend 60 hrs week to provide for the family while you stay at home, I better come home to a clean house, clean laundry, and a warm meal. Soap operas and Oprah are not part of the equation.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:21 | Report abuse |
    • Dude

      I love how the American women in this thread are displaying the personality traits that demonstrate why men don't want them. Nothing like watching a girl hang herself with her own words. Play on, playas.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:49 | Report abuse |
    • gender related tasks

      Many women will want to negotiate tasks that are traditionally assigned to women, but only half of the tasks are negotiable.

      January 19, 2011 at 10:56 | Report abuse |
  38. MerakHagen

    Google "TER review".

    January 18, 2011 at 23:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Dude

      Well played.

      January 19, 2011 at 09:51 | Report abuse |
  39. mltjan

    How silly

    January 18, 2011 at 23:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. ChemicalReaxion

    Pretty sure "Love Eat Pray" wrecked my marriage. Now that I've been divorced for almost 3 years and only 31 I can't figure out why I would ever want to re-marry.

    January 18, 2011 at 23:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. An Engineering Guy

    Bubba, yes you have a point, but you also missed some of the point. The concept cuts both ways. I think it is more about being a strong individual, a characteristic that is hidden within the statistics by it's relation to education level. My now ex-wife was also an engineer, but lacked the inner confidence (and other issues) to be a suitable wife for an educated man and it didn't work. The real part of a strong individual is being willing to 'not need men', but not letting that concept govern their lives by 'sleeping around' to prove it.

    January 18, 2011 at 23:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. trixen

    I dunno... Personally, I got laid a lot more in college than I do now, and with a lot more women. Maybe it's because I was younger and worked out more back then or maybe it's because I was at a lot of parties with drunk college chicks, but I definitely saw a decline in nookie after I donned the cap and gown. Now I actually have to try to "impress" somebody, whereas back in college all it took was rubbing elbows at a keg party for a nice "wham, bam, thank you ma'am." Man, those were the days... ;D

    January 18, 2011 at 23:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. MaryNancy

    As long as that upper hand can be used for hair pulling and fanny slapping, I'm ok with it.

    January 18, 2011 at 23:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Julia

    I don't understand this- why wouldn't it work both ways? I mean, guys that age don't want to settle down right away either, so girls sleeping around at the same time would make sense. But eventually a guy is going to want stability, while the girl they are with might still want to have a good time. I don't think the article ever really explained this, so it seems a little offensive to say that men have the upper hand on a situation that doesn't really doesn't differ depending on your gender.

    January 18, 2011 at 23:55 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sally Li

      AHA! Julia, you've been caught in the act. Your age-range presumptions are showing. The age-apartheid system of dating doesn't work, because the needs of men and women in their late teen to early 20's are really totally incompatible in a biological and social sense. Aristotle, one of the greatest and most encyclopedic thinkers the world has known (and the founder of biology) had this to say on the subject: The ideal age for marriage for women is 18, and the ideal age for marriage for men is 36.
      The best age for motherhood, biologically and socially, is the late teens to early 20's. At that age, very few men have the knowledge or experience or disposition to excel at being a father, or the financial resources to take care of a lady.
      America loves its age apartheid and geriphobic view of things, which is sharply at variance with the rest of the world. This is why Jerry Springer and Maury Povich are entertaining the American public by holding up a mirror, and it is also why an enemy who has been "defeated" time and time again manages to reappear on the battlefield. The enemy takes one laptop look at the conditions to which men are subject in America, and recruits new followers by asking men in their part of the world: "Is THAT the way you want to live too?" Meanwhile, our courts, our law-enforcement people and our tax-subsidized educational structure are behaving with blind drunkenness in making conditions worse and worse for the best men in America. Just one question: Where do these people think their salaries are going to come from in the future, if they continue to undermine the tax base?

      January 19, 2011 at 09:42 | Report abuse |
    • Lady

      I love that line "take care of a lady" and by love it I mean in a completely mocking way.

      January 19, 2011 at 11:01 | Report abuse |
  45. Ace

    Guys are like a parking lot the good spaces are always taken, gals on the other hand are like cars they are good when they are new, as they get older they will have issues.... Now spouses are like the driver and the car, the driver takes care of the car, and the car brings him tonhis destination....

    January 19, 2011 at 00:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Rick

    Well educated women fill that they don't really need a man, not to worry, time will correct this type of thinking. often I look at my parents, whom have been marry about 60 year. My father is what you would call a Alpha Male and my mother is kind. She would tell me, what is wrong with relationship today is Men and Women act like they do not need each other. I am divorced, I am somewhat educated and so was my wife, we both had good jobs, sounds good but it did not work. I think un-educated women are smarter than educated women, they have the sense to know that they need a man. My mother was not a educated womam, but the one thing that I see is that My father needs her and I think my next wife want be so educated.

    January 19, 2011 at 00:06 | Report abuse | Reply
    • TryThinking

      Do you ever think you might just be stereotyping women? I mean from an outsider looking in, if I was married to you and you said this thing about un-educated women being "smarter" because they are dependent on men I would divorce you. Yes, you do need to find an un-educated woman. No one with so much as a HS diploma would want to date someone like you.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:29 | Report abuse |
    • touristguy87

      "if I was married to you and you said this thing about un-educated women being "smarter" because they are dependent on men I would divorce you. "

      ...no you wouldn't, because you married him.
      One presumes that you'd know this about him before you married him.
      And if not it's not like you'd divorce him just for saying that.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:59 | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      "Trythinking" you remind me of my wife, think god she is gone. but at lest she knew when to be quit.

      January 19, 2011 at 01:53 | Report abuse |
  47. Auloria

    Not buying the stereotypes. You guys should stop trying to live them.

    January 19, 2011 at 00:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. Papa Smurf

    Researchers should stop asking "Why can't I get what I want?" and start asking "Why won't I give others what they need." Why do we Americans talk so much about "me"? Why don't we talk more about "us"? And not just romantic partners or nuclear families, but extended families and communities. We can't afford for everyone to have their own world.

    January 19, 2011 at 00:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • HeyZeus

      See now you are talking logic. Does your reasoning include the ability to continue to emasculate men at any opportunity due to some daddy issue a girl grew up with? If not, then that is just crazy talk!

      January 19, 2011 at 00:59 | Report abuse |
    • Dude

      Bingo

      January 19, 2011 at 10:02 | Report abuse |
  49. Sarah in Texas

    There is no way 8% of 27-year-olds are virgins. Just no way.

    January 19, 2011 at 00:12 | Report abuse | Reply
    • NeverForget

      Of those 8% studies show 90% are morbidly obese and or mentally handicaped. The other 10% are in religious cults.

      January 19, 2011 at 00:21 | Report abuse |
    • embrz

      How the he// do you know? Did you conduct a study?

      January 19, 2011 at 09:43 | Report abuse |
  50. Sharn cedar

    Jeez you guys ge off the pot and start living life – love is good, marriage is fun, just go for it. So what if it turns out badly – then you can ge divorced. That's life. Live, stop being afraid. Love and get married. Don't analyze it to death. Don't live in fear. Get married again if the first one doesn't work. If you are a guy, enjoy women. They are interesting and fun. Worth learning how to operate, not difficult but requires a light touch on the throttle. listen carefully to the engine, ever sound is telling you how well you are driving. Very simple machines once you figure out the various noises they make.

    January 19, 2011 at 00:13 | Report abuse | Reply
    • AGeek

      Spoken like a female or someone with a fountain of wealth. No thanks. If the first one doesn't work out, it's highly unlikely you'll (as a guy) be able to afford a second one. (hat tip to the divorce attorneys and blood-sucking leech women out there)

      January 19, 2011 at 01:26 | Report abuse |
    • Notaredneck

      Sharn cedar. Do you have any real life experience, whatsoever?

      January 21, 2011 at 01:56 | Report abuse |
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