home
RSS
The Sexpert: When sex gets stale
December 23rd, 2010
11:03 AM ET

The Sexpert: When sex gets stale

After you’ve had sex with the same person at least a thousand times it’s easy to fall into a routine. For many of us, the most exciting part of a relationship is at the beginning, when we’re falling in love. It’s a time filled with newness and possibility, hot and heavy flirtation, and even hotter and heavier sex.

But, after being with someone for a while, things can understandably get boring. You stop trying as hard. You’d sooner reach for that remote and a pint of Chunky Monkey than your partner. Quite simply, the thrill is gone. At Good in Bed we believe that when sex gets stale it’s time “take a walk on a shaky bridge.”

In 1974, two well-known psychologists, Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton, set out to explore the mysterious nature of sexual attraction, using two bridges in Canada as the setting for an ingenious experiment.  One of the bridges— Capilano Suspension bridge—was constructed solely of plank and cable and swayed perilously in the wind some 250 feet above a turbulent river.  The other was a solidly built anchored bridge that sat a mere 10 feet above sea level. The two-part experiment went like this:

On Day One, whenever an unaccompanied man ventured across the shaky bridge, he would find himself stopped midway by an attractive young woman. She would introduce herself as a psychology student and then proceed to ask if he would mind participating in a brief survey. On Day Two, the same woman followed an identical routine on the sturdy bridge.

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? But there was a little twist: When each of the men completed the survey, the young woman would hand him her phone number and tell him that he was free to call her later that evening for the results.

Unbeknownst to the subjects, the real study was not the answers the men gave on the survey, but what happened afterward. Which set of men would be more likely to give the woman a call? Would the excitement and exhilaration of being on the shaky bridge, versus the more mundane experience of being on the solid bridge, promote romantic attraction? Does adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder?

Not only did Aron and Dutton find that the men on the shaky bridge were more likely than their stable-bridge counterparts to call the woman later for results of the survey, but they were also far more likely to ask her for a date!

When it comes to desire and attraction, a little unpredictability goes a long way. It spikes the brain's natural amphetamines, dopamine and norepinephrine, which play a big role in sexual arousal. In technical terms, Aron and Dutton were testing a concept called “misattribution,” also known as excitation transfer theory. That’s the idea that lingering excitement from one situation—say, walking across a shaky bridge versus a stable one—can intensify a subsequent emotional state.

Beneath our beds, there lies a shaky bridge, ready and waiting for high-stakes action. Yet most of us spend our sex-lives on the stable one, often without realizing it.  Luckily, you don’t have to literally cross a shaky bridge, or go bungee-jumping, in order to shake things up, (unless of course you want to), but you do have to work as a couple to be creative and adventurous—both out of the bedroom and in.

The brain is our biggest sex organ, so start with sharing a fantasy.  Research shows that people with active fantasy lives are more sexually satisfied, more sexually responsive and more adventurous about sex in general. Remember, there's a difference between sharing a fantasy and actually acting one out, and lots of points along the way to enjoy. A little novelty goes a long way, and if you need some more ideas, check out my new book 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex, which includes lots of sexy scenarios and ideas to expand your horizons.

Remember, it takes two. For every woman who’s willing to stand at the center of that shaky bridge, there needs to be a man who will meet her halfway.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


soundoff (678 Responses)
  1. RV Repair San Clemente California

    I blog frequently and I truly appreciate your content. The article has really peaked my interest. I'm going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new details about once a week. I opted in for your RSS feed too.

    http://www.wsiefusion.net/Redirect.aspx?destination=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-remodel-near-me-2

    June 16, 2021 at 02:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. RV Repair Shops Near My Location

    Very good article! We will be linking to this particularly great post on our site. Keep up the great writing.

    https://b.grabo.bg/special/dealbox-492×73/?rnd=2019121711&affid=19825&deal=199235&cityid=1&city=Sofia&click_url=http://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-interior-remodeling-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 02:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa

    http://promo.pertinger.com/?URL=http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-interior-remodeling-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 06:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. RV Repair Shops Near My Location

    bookmarked!!, I like your website!

    http://sfwater.org/redirect.aspx?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/bus-repair-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 09:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. RV Repair Garden Grove

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and the rest of the website is really good.

    https://www.portuguese.myoresearch.com/?URL=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/camper-van-collision-repair-shop-near-me/

    June 16, 2021 at 11:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. RV Repair Nearby

    http://www.cs.odu.edu/~mln/teaching/cs751-s11/?method=display&redirect=http://www.blogspottips.blogsmine.com/1408254/5-simple-techniques-for-places

    June 16, 2021 at 12:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. eye doctors near me

    http://www.baghdadairport.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com/

    June 16, 2021 at 14:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. dine in restaurants near me

    https://www.crew4crew.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://ocrvcenter.com/

    June 16, 2021 at 14:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. breweries near me

    http://www.driverlayer.com/showimg?v=index&img=&org=http://ocrvcenter.com

    June 16, 2021 at 15:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. adult store near me

    After looking into a handful of the blog posts on your website, I honestly like your technique of writing a blog. I saved as a favorite it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back soon. Please visit my web site too and tell me what you think.

    https://rock-club.net/out.php?url=http://ocrvcenter.com/

    June 16, 2021 at 17:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. kia dealership near me

    Excellent web site you have got here.. Itís hard to find quality writing like yours these days. I honestly appreciate people like you! Take care!!

    http://jamesriversecurities.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvcenter.com/

    June 16, 2021 at 18:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. laundry near me

    http://sofortindenurlaub.de/redirect/Index.asp?url=http://ocrvcenter.com

    June 16, 2021 at 21:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Sprinter Repair Shops Near Me

    You should be a part of a contest for one of the finest sites on the net. I am going to recommend this website!

    http://www.ar.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-camera-repair-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 22:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. RV Repair Orange County California

    http://furrondy.net/Redirect.aspx?destination=ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-agua-dulce-california

    June 16, 2021 at 22:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. RV Repair Santa Ana

    http://bizsearch.jhnewsandguide.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/business-vehicle-collision-repair-shop-near-me

    June 17, 2021 at 00:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. fireworks near me

    Greetings! Very useful advice within this article! It's the little changes that produce the greatest changes. Thanks for sharing!

    https://colormecotton.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com/

    June 17, 2021 at 02:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. RV Repairs Near My Location

    http://www.secure.dbprimary.com/service/util/logout/CookiePolicy.action?backto=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/business-vehicle-collision-repair-shop-near-me/

    June 17, 2021 at 02:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Camper Repair Near Me

    After checking out a number of the articles on your web site, I really like your way of writing a blog. I book marked it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back in the near future. Please visit my website too and let me know what you think.

    https://paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=ocrvcenter.com/manufacturing-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me

    June 17, 2021 at 05:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. RV Repairs Nearby

    https://www.web28.werkbank.bayern-online.de/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?url=ocrvcenter.com/rv-installation-near-me/

    June 17, 2021 at 08:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. RV Repair Seal Beach

    http://www.lipperhey.com/en/http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-rialto-california

    June 17, 2021 at 08:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. RV Repair Shop

    I'd like to thank you for the efforts you have put in penning this blog. I am hoping to view the same high-grade content by you in the future as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my very own site now 😉

    http://shinobi.jp/etc/goto.html?https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-la-verne-california

    June 17, 2021 at 10:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa

    https://blog.tieonline.com/feedtie/feed2js.php?src=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-cypress-california/&num=3&au=y&date=y&utf=y&html=y

    June 17, 2021 at 10:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. nail salons near me

    This site was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Appreciate it!

    https://rallynasaura.net/rd.php?author=GAZOO+Racing+D0A0D196D0A1E2809CD0E28099C2A9D0A0D196D0A1E2809CD0A0E2809ED0A0D196D0A1E2809CD0A1C298&url=https://ocrvcenter.com

    June 17, 2021 at 11:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. burlington coat factory near me

    https://www.fis.com/fis/shared/redirect.asp?banner=6158&url=https://reviewnearme.com

    June 17, 2021 at 15:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. https://www.songmanhits.com

    Best view i have ever seen !

    https://maps.google.st/url?q=https://www.songmanhits.com

    June 17, 2021 at 15:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. places that deliver near me

    Itís nearly impossible to find educated people about this subject, but you sound like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks

    http://naniwa-search.com/search/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=23&url=http://wholesalenearme.com/

    June 17, 2021 at 17:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. printer near me

    http://martinwholesale.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.nearmyspot.com

    June 17, 2021 at 19:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. park near me

    https://www.triple-tree.com/external/?url=https://bulknearme.com/

    June 18, 2021 at 00:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. lidl near me

    An interesting discussion is worth comment. I do believe that you need to publish more on this issue, it may not be a taboo matter but generally people don't discuss such subjects. To the next! All the best!!

    http://b8s.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.masternearme.com/

    June 18, 2021 at 00:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. nordstrom rack near me

    http://www.texasquality.org/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=quotenearme.com/

    June 18, 2021 at 02:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. krispy kreme near me

    https://bcdairy.ca/dairyfarmers/index?URL=http://wholesalenearme.com/

    June 18, 2021 at 06:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Sprinter Repair Shop Near Me

    Hi, I do believe this is a great website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I may return once again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

    http://www.layoutsparks.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-saugus-california/

    June 18, 2021 at 13:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Nearby RV Repairs

    http://www.arakhne.org/redirect.php?url=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-awning-repair-near-me

    June 18, 2021 at 14:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. RV Repair Places Near Me

    https://ww5.libdd.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/national-general-rv-collision-repair-shop-near-me/

    June 18, 2021 at 17:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. pet stores near me

    Great post! We are linking to this great article on our site. Keep up the good writing.

    https://www.twpusc.org/Redirect.aspx?destination=https://www.quotenearme.com/

    June 18, 2021 at 19:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. sonic near me

    https://link.chatujme.cz/redirect?url=https://wholesalenearme.com

    June 18, 2021 at 21:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. RV Repair Shops Near Me

    http://www.dartn.de/redirect/?url=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-dana-point-california/

    June 19, 2021 at 09:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. RV Repair Garden Grove

    Very good article. I definitely love this website. Thanks!

    https://vi.paltalk.com/client/webapp/client/External.wmt?url=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/photos/

    June 19, 2021 at 11:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. RV Repair California

    https://yp.ocregister.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.ocrv.world/motorhome-repair-near-me

    June 19, 2021 at 13:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. RV Repairs Near My Location

    https://dailygood.org/more.php?op=get&url=ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-bed-repair-near-me

    June 19, 2021 at 15:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Repair Fountain Valley

    https://www.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/no_outbounds.php?o=www.ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-generator-repair-near-me/

    June 19, 2021 at 15:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. hardware store near me

    Hi there! This blog post could not be written any better! Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I most certainly will forward this information to him. Pretty sure he will have a very good read. Thanks for sharing!

    http://griffinw38q1.blogs100.com/5559626/an-unbiased-view-of-business

    June 19, 2021 at 15:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. RV Repair Shop Near My Location

    I blog frequently and I seriously appreciate your content. This article has truly peaked my interest. I'm going to bookmark your site and keep checking for new information about once a week. I subscribed to your Feed as well.

    https://www.response-o-matic.com/thank_you.php?u=http://ocrvart.com/rv-repair-shop-los-alamitos-california/

    June 19, 2021 at 17:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. RV Repair Shop Near My Location

    There's certainly a great deal to know about this topic. I really like all of the points you have made.

    https://yousite.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://ocrv.guru/haulmark-trailer-collision-repair-paint-shop-near-me-orange-county

    June 19, 2021 at 18:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Repair Near My Location

    http://irc.lc/https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-technician-near-mebbs-arab

    June 19, 2021 at 19:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. RV Repair Shops Nearby

    I quite like looking through an article that will make people think. Also, thank you for permitting me to comment!

    http://studivz.net/Link/Dereferer/?ocrvcenter.com/rv-headlight-repair-near-me/

    June 19, 2021 at 20:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. RV Repair Shops Nearby

    I couldnít resist commenting. Exceptionally well written!

    https://www.t10.org/cgi-bin/s_t10r.cgi?First=1&PrevURL=https://ocrv.biz/shuttle-bus-collision-repair-paint-shop-near-me-orange-county

    June 19, 2021 at 21:53 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Leave a Reply to Social Media Marketing Pros


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.