home
RSS
The Sexpert: When sex gets stale
December 23rd, 2010
11:03 AM ET

The Sexpert: When sex gets stale

After you’ve had sex with the same person at least a thousand times it’s easy to fall into a routine. For many of us, the most exciting part of a relationship is at the beginning, when we’re falling in love. It’s a time filled with newness and possibility, hot and heavy flirtation, and even hotter and heavier sex.

But, after being with someone for a while, things can understandably get boring. You stop trying as hard. You’d sooner reach for that remote and a pint of Chunky Monkey than your partner. Quite simply, the thrill is gone. At Good in Bed we believe that when sex gets stale it’s time “take a walk on a shaky bridge.”

In 1974, two well-known psychologists, Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton, set out to explore the mysterious nature of sexual attraction, using two bridges in Canada as the setting for an ingenious experiment.  One of the bridges— Capilano Suspension bridge—was constructed solely of plank and cable and swayed perilously in the wind some 250 feet above a turbulent river.  The other was a solidly built anchored bridge that sat a mere 10 feet above sea level. The two-part experiment went like this:

On Day One, whenever an unaccompanied man ventured across the shaky bridge, he would find himself stopped midway by an attractive young woman. She would introduce herself as a psychology student and then proceed to ask if he would mind participating in a brief survey. On Day Two, the same woman followed an identical routine on the sturdy bridge.

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? But there was a little twist: When each of the men completed the survey, the young woman would hand him her phone number and tell him that he was free to call her later that evening for the results.

Unbeknownst to the subjects, the real study was not the answers the men gave on the survey, but what happened afterward. Which set of men would be more likely to give the woman a call? Would the excitement and exhilaration of being on the shaky bridge, versus the more mundane experience of being on the solid bridge, promote romantic attraction? Does adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder?

Not only did Aron and Dutton find that the men on the shaky bridge were more likely than their stable-bridge counterparts to call the woman later for results of the survey, but they were also far more likely to ask her for a date!

When it comes to desire and attraction, a little unpredictability goes a long way. It spikes the brain's natural amphetamines, dopamine and norepinephrine, which play a big role in sexual arousal. In technical terms, Aron and Dutton were testing a concept called “misattribution,” also known as excitation transfer theory. That’s the idea that lingering excitement from one situation—say, walking across a shaky bridge versus a stable one—can intensify a subsequent emotional state.

Beneath our beds, there lies a shaky bridge, ready and waiting for high-stakes action. Yet most of us spend our sex-lives on the stable one, often without realizing it.  Luckily, you don’t have to literally cross a shaky bridge, or go bungee-jumping, in order to shake things up, (unless of course you want to), but you do have to work as a couple to be creative and adventurous—both out of the bedroom and in.

The brain is our biggest sex organ, so start with sharing a fantasy.  Research shows that people with active fantasy lives are more sexually satisfied, more sexually responsive and more adventurous about sex in general. Remember, there's a difference between sharing a fantasy and actually acting one out, and lots of points along the way to enjoy. A little novelty goes a long way, and if you need some more ideas, check out my new book 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex, which includes lots of sexy scenarios and ideas to expand your horizons.

Remember, it takes two. For every woman who’s willing to stand at the center of that shaky bridge, there needs to be a man who will meet her halfway.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


soundoff (228 Responses)
  1. Dimitri Czerny

    I really love the way you described that. Thanks for going into so much detail. If you don't mind I'm going to adda link to my blog to this post. That really was quite clever.

    January 10, 2011 at 20:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. James Thomson

    I love this blog , I come here and read it almost everyday. You really on to something here and I think you should really try to start making money from this blog. make videos or go on cam and show everyone just how great you really are!

    January 27, 2011 at 04:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. 情趣用品

    在看完这帖子以后,我没有立即回复,因为我生怕我庸俗不堪的回复会玷污了这网上少有的帖子。
    情趣用品 https://www.sesexy.com/woman.html

    March 18, 2016 at 10:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Sheryll Breech

    cure vitiligo

    http://www.OR2cLoY4uF.com/OR2cLoY4uF

    September 17, 2016 at 17:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. 偽物ルイヴィトンバッグ

    メール対応は早く、とても丁寧でしたので安心できました。
    また、配送に関するお願いについても対応していただき、感謝しております。
    梱包もきちんとされていて文句のつけようがありません。
    お値段や、コメントから想像していたよりもずっと綺麗で、
    こちらで購入して正解だったなと思いました。
    ありがとうございました!

    October 10, 2017 at 12:42 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. スーパーコピー 売る b-cas

    限定SALE!
    人気限定モデル!
    全国無料店舗!
    大得価セールス中!
    正規品人気定番!
    【新商品!】送料込☆セール!
    新作大SALE☆【送料無料!】
    ※激安人気新品※
    人気直営店、超激安!
    超格安、送料無料,5☆大好評!
    【新商品!】制作精巧!
    新作極上本革バッグ!
    【最新入荷】男女兼用
    大売り出しSALE!
    日本正規専門店,激安販売中!

    October 5, 2018 at 14:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. スーパーコピー 購入

    人気腕時計
    2019新作の展示,新品種類がそろっています!
    当社の商品は絶対の自信が御座います。
    ★信用第一、良い品質、低価格は(*^-^*)
    ★当店の承諾に→誠実 信用
    ★送料無料(日本全国)
    ※ご注文の方は、ご連絡下さい。期待!!
    ※以上 宜しくお願い致します。(^0^)

    April 15, 2019 at 20:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. detectives privados alcalá de henares

    detectives privados coslada

    https://www.argadetectives.com/coslada.html

    December 11, 2020 at 23:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Eliseo Eth

    I truly enjoy looking through on this web site , it contains wonderful content . "One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." by Andre Gide.

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 15, 2021 at 18:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Perry Kramm

    Just Shine

    https://www.wholess.com/product/category/1100

    January 24, 2021 at 11:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Kennith Bastida

    Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, and retweets? SMM Supreme uses his own panel system to generate social media traffic to any website. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes: $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers: $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Payeer Deposit – Automatic order processing – 30 minutes to send to customers

    https://bit.ly/3iVO2Vh

    January 26, 2021 at 23:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Anja Mcall

    Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, and retweets? SMM Supreme uses his own panel system to generate social media traffic to any website. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes: $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers: $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Payeer Deposit – Automatic order processing – 30 minutes to send to customers

    https://bit.ly/2Hnl7vE

    January 27, 2021 at 02:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Keneth Castellaneta

    $Spy Quarterly Forecast. $SPY has a reputation as the Most Reliable Investment for both young and old traders. $Spy assets hold a postive looking BBB Score of (5.17 / 10) with 506 seperate holdings. $Spy is a BUY. You can also get your own free stock here: https://join.robinhood.com/matthew11221

    https://join.robinhood.com/matthew11221

    January 28, 2021 at 18:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Juliann Mcconahay

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 28, 2021 at 22:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. YesBet88

    This is something New !

    https://blackjack88.pro

    January 29, 2021 at 22:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Quality Social Plays

    I am typically to blogging and i actually recognize your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and preserve checking for brand new information.

    https://bonuslikes.com/product-tag/50000-likes-facebook-post/

    February 1, 2021 at 22:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Lu Kaleta

    Earn $500 a Day With Our Passive Income System

    https://warriorplus.com/o2/a/rjnbz/0

    February 6, 2021 at 07:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. https://j-website.net

    This is something New !

    https://maps.google.com.ag/url?q=https://j-website.net

    February 7, 2021 at 13:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Best-Social-Media-Services and-Traffic-2021

    1500 USA Visitors Daily For 30 Days From Niche Targeted Organic Traffic From Google: https://www.seoclerk.com/Traffic/840816/1500-USA-Visitors-Daily-For-30-Days-From-Niche-Targeted-Organic-Traffic-From-Google

    https://www.seoclerk.com/Traffic/840816/1500-USA-Visitors-Daily-For-30-Days-From-Niche-Targeted-Organic-Traffic-From-Google

    February 16, 2021 at 20:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Social-Media Services-2020

    Best Marketing Services – Cheapest on Market. SMM Supreme is the Top 5 Best Social Media Website in the World. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714,928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes for $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers for $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Bitcoin Deposit – Fast order processing – 1 Hour Delivery Our Website: https://smmsupreme.com/services

    https://bit.ly/2Hnl7vE

    February 19, 2021 at 14:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. https://www.shinsen-mart.com

    Best view i have ever seen !

    https://www.google.co.tz/url?q=https://www.shinsen-mart.com

    February 28, 2021 at 09:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Melissa Arguijo

    You could certainly see your skills within the work you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. Always go after your heart. "Experience is a good school, but the fees are high." by Heinrich Heine.

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    March 4, 2021 at 10:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. หวย

    It's a shame you don't have a donate button! I'd without a doubt donate to
    this superb blog! I suppose for now i'll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS
    feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh
    updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group.

    Talk soon!

    March 21, 2021 at 15:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. https://j-website.net

    Best view i have ever seen !

    https://maps.google.sm/url?q=https://j-website.net

    April 7, 2021 at 05:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. realtor companies near me

    Hi, I do think this is a great site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to revisit yet again since i have saved as a favorite it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.

    https://maps.google.es/url?sa=i&rct=j&url=https://meganleary.com

    April 23, 2021 at 17:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Used Forklift Repair Shop California

    https://www.relibrary.com/transfer/redirect.asp?url=https://wildwestlifttrucks.com/stand-up-forklift-repair-orange-county-california

    April 23, 2021 at 17:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. RV Couches Orange County

    http://www.vnukovo.ru/bitrix/rk.php?id=46&event1=banner&event2=click&event3=1+2F+5B465D+5Bmain_banner_left_25D+D092D090D096D09DD09E&goto=http3A2F2Fwww.ocrv.tv

    April 23, 2021 at 17:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. rv repair riverside ca

    There is definately a lot to learn about this topic. I like all of the points you made.

    http://dir.conexcol.com/cgi-ps/rd.mpc?http://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-santa-ana-california/

    April 24, 2021 at 09:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. RV Dashboard Orange County

    http://well2net.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=multifamilybiz.com/Directory/38530/OCRV_Center__RV_Repair__RV_Remodeling/

    April 24, 2021 at 09:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. property for sale sandpoint idaho

    Having read this I believed it was rather informative. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this short article together. I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

    http://eurosiv.ru/bitrix/redirect.php?event1=&event2=&event3=&goto=http://meganleary.com

    April 27, 2021 at 21:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. aika online wiki

    https://image.google.cl/url?rct=t&sa=t&url=https://aikareborn.com

    May 4, 2021 at 20:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. aika private server english

    I really like it when individuals get together and share ideas. Great site, stick with it!

    http://1csovmestno.ru/bitrix/rk.php?goto=https://aikareborn.com

    May 5, 2021 at 09:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. el kapitan van conversion

    I used to be able to find good advice from your content.

    https://images.google.nl/url?q=j&source=web&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Fsprintervanrepairshop.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg

    May 5, 2021 at 10:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. aika online gameplay

    https://cse.google.gl/url?sa=i&source=web&rct=j&url=https://aikareborn.com

    May 5, 2021 at 13:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Eye Specialist Near Me

    Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to create a top notch article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and don't manage to get nearly anything done.

    http://www.gudarjavalambre.com/sections/miscelany/link.php?url=https://optometristphoenixaz.com

    May 5, 2021 at 14:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. RV Entertainment System Riverside

    https://maps.google.mu/url?q=https://ocrv.rocks

    May 5, 2021 at 14:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. utility trailer repair shop

    http://www.dayviews.com/externalLinkRedirect.php?url=https3A2F2Fboxtruckrepairshop.com

    May 5, 2021 at 15:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. kenworth t440

    http://www.hartfordfinancialservicesgroup.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvfleetservices.com

    May 5, 2021 at 17:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. chinese food near me

    Good day! I just wish to offer you a big thumbs up for the excellent info you have got here on this post. I'll be returning to your site for more soon.

    https://advtest.exibart.com/adv/adv.php?id_banner=7201&link=https://www.zealouslifestyle.com

    May 5, 2021 at 19:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. truck repair near my location

    You're so interesting! I do not think I've truly read through a single thing like this before. So good to find another person with some unique thoughts on this subject matter. Really.. many thanks for starting this up. This site is something that's needed on the web, someone with a little originality!

    http://www.milashka.ru/bitrix/rk.php?goto=https://boxtruckrepairshop.com

    May 5, 2021 at 22:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. leadership training near me

    https://google.al/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://realchrisburns.com

    May 6, 2021 at 09:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. lowes near me

    I must thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I'm hoping to check out the same high-grade content from you in the future as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my very own site now 😉

    http://bk.sanw.net/link.php?url=http://www.getmoneysocial.com

    May 6, 2021 at 13:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Vision Center Near Me

    I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I am hoping to check out the same high-grade content by you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own, personal site now 😉

    https://map.google.bg/url?sa=i&source=web&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Fbettersightovernight.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg

    May 6, 2021 at 13:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. New Forklifts

    Can I just say what a comfort to uncover somebody who actually knows what they are discussing on the net. You certainly understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people have to check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you aren't more popular given that you most certainly have the gift.

    https://clients1.google.ne/url?sa=j&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Fwildwestforkliftschool.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg

    May 6, 2021 at 15:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. burlington coat factory near me

    You ought to be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality websites online. I will highly recommend this site!

    https://www.lolinez.com/?https://www.ocrv.life

    May 6, 2021 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. rv refurbishing business

    Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to generate a top notch article… but what can I say… I put things off a lot and never manage to get anything done.

    http://www.uvioo.com/watch/?m=felixdu073&so=yt&v=Q2Ns-hJOnxA

    May 6, 2021 at 17:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. New Forklift Maintenance Shop California

    http://uk.youtuberepeater.com/watch?v=UVAfKfhBrXE

    May 6, 2021 at 17:49 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3

Leave a Reply to https://j-website.net


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.