December 16th, 2010
08:20 AM ET
Sex ed in the age of Snooki
These days, all you have to do is turn on the TV or pick up a gossip magazine to see the future of our youth—and let me tell you, it’s not pretty. In the age of Snooki, "Girls Gone Wild," and Tila Tequila, where on Earth is a young woman supposed to find positive female role models? And how are our boys going to grow up to respect female sexuality when the girls themselves seem to be throwing all sexual caution to the wind? From sexting to the mainstreaming of amateur pornography, a new culture of raunchiness has emerged, one in which women aren’t just participating—they’re often taking the lead.
At Good in Bed, it’s a trend that has many of us concerned. In one of my favorite books on the subject, "Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture," journalist Ariel Levy argues that our culture’s model of female sexuality encourages women to perform for men—think strip clubs and porn. And, writes Jennifer Egan in her New York Times review of the book, “Women have bought into this by altering their bodies surgically and cosmetically, and— more insidiously—by confusing sexual power with actual power, so that embracing this caricaturish form of sexuality becomes, in their minds, a perverse kind of feminism.” But, as Levy points out, “‘Raunchy’ and ‘liberated’ are not synonyms. It is worth asking ourselves if this bawdy world of boobs and gams we have resurrected reflects how far we've come, or how far we have left to go.”
The sexual objectification of women is nothing new. Even Cleopatra, one of the most intelligent and powerful rulers the world has ever known, is mainly remembered by history for her skills as a seductress. But these days, men aren’t the only ones doing the objectifying. In fact, women don’t just objectify themselves—they often objectify other women, too. They’ve come to see themselves through male eyes, whether they’re looking at themselves in a mirror or out on the dance floor. The male gaze is everywhere. If there weren’t guys looking, there wouldn’t be girls posting semi-nude photographs online. If there weren’t guys looking, there’d be no reason for girls to “go wild” in the first place.
Parents blast portrayals of teen sexuality
On the surface, I’ve got it easy as a parent—my wife and I have two sons. “Boys will be boys” goes the conventional wisdom. We’ve come to expect—and often excuse—their bad behavior. That means it falls on a girl’s shoulders to have the self-confidence and self-esteem to create and protect boundaries in respect to her sexuality. While I think it’s important to teach girls how to be empowered gatekeepers of their own sexuality, I also believe that we have to focus on the boys, not let them off the hook. If girls operate in the male gaze (both actual and internalized), then we need to change that gaze. Boys need to learn how to see girls differently. Here’s how:
· Start with your own relationship. Almost from birth, children model and imitate what they see at home. If you and your spouse don't treat each other with respect , you can't expect the same from your child.
· Talk about sex. The information is out there. In books. On the Internet. At Good in Bed, we have many free resources dedicated to the topic of communicating with kids about sexual intimacy. Don't avoid “the talk” - embrace it. It's particularly important that Dad, or another positive male role model, helps to cultivate a sense of respect towards women. Parents cannot take a “see no evil, hear no evil” approach to sex education.
· Help your children decode the media. Point out images that objectify women and explain why they do not accurately reflect female sexuality. Keep an eye out for positive female role models. They're out there.
· Stay in tune with their world. Talk to your child’s teachers and other parents to get a sense of what's happening in and out of the classroom. Let your child make mistakes. You made yours. You can't shut the world out, but you can help your children live in it.
Remember, you can't stop your boy from seeing the world around him. But you can change how he looks at it. And what he needs to be looking at are strong women who know the difference between reality and reality TV.
Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.
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I never understood guys staring at girls behaving badly as if they've never seen a female before in their life. But when it comes to dating, they want someone respectable. if they want someone respectable, why do they give attention to the ones behaving badly? If no one paid attention to them, maybe more women would not resort to flashing their boobs, grinding on each other and entereing bikinni contests. They do the things that guys want
Respect should be based on intelligence, work ethic, willpower, kindness, talent, etc. If a woman bases her self-respect on acting demure, she's lost my respect.
But they are only doing what guys want because we act like that, and vice versa. Guys want what exactly what women want, and that is someone who is respectable. The 'GIRLS GONE WILD" thing only lasts so long, and really, it's just a fantasy. Not too many guys would actually want their other half to act like that which is why it's exciting to see it somewhere else. No different than women fantasizing over pictures/video/movies of other guys.
She may lose your respect but you still won't be able to look away
you're obviously somoene that doesn't get stared at, eh?
There is a demand for this behavior; that is why it exists.
Here's the deal: Guys want, at least once in their life, a freak. They want that girl that is so over the top that it's disgusting just once. That's when we're 18-21 (typically). Then we settle down and want a woman that is respectable, one we can take home and won't be embarrassed about. But, if we're lucky, we'll marry a girl that's respectable on the outside and extra special when the doors are closed. So ladies, if you're mad your husband/boyfriend doesn't stare at you like he does the other girls, take him home and give him a reason to stare.
Its like a circus clown .. you love to watch them ... but you wouldn't want to take them home ..
Perhaps you can tell me why women say they want a nice guy but go out with the bad boy?
In regards to your comments about wanting a respectable girl, but giving attention to the attention seekers, I think it is similar to driving on a highway. We want everyone to drive safely and for no one to be hurt, but we all slow down to look at the accidents along the way. It is a spectacle. That said, I think you also paint with a broad brush. Men want a respectable woman when they are ready to have a serious relationship in their lives, assuming they have not already left a disaster trail in their wake. Young men want the fun and spectacle, matured men want a woman who is respectable.
Sometimes it's tough to find a hot and respectable girl, just as for women it can be tough to find a hot guy who is also respectable.
There are plenty of both out there.
Being respectable adds a lot more to a woman's appeal if the man is already attracted to her.
If he doesn't think she's cute, being respectable won't help her much
Unfortunately for you, you don’t seem to know very much about how men think.
Even though one is intrigued by a train wreck, it doesn't follow that they want their personal trips to end up that way.
our males are being conditioned all women are wh*r*s and therefore treat and see women as such. our girls are being conditioned their worth is in their s5xual7ty.it behooves neither gender. it hurts both genders. the more our girls adopt the raunchy and boys continue to escalate the raunchy, that will be their choices in life. females are quickly gaining on males in having affairs. thinking nothing of scr9wing around. men are being hurt. women are being hurt. but the most... children in these families and broken up homes are being hurt.
it has nothing to do with feminism. it has everything to do with a society living in two extremes of religious prudity and societal s6xual obsession. there is a middle ground
@Michelle, because eons of time have proven that men want a harlot in bed, and that same 'harlot' to be a prim-and-proper woman, mother, wife in public. Truly, men are just bad-behaved puppies...unfortunately, it is the women who have stooped to such levels to give them what they want. I really am not sure women can just be themselves anymore, because the one thing this report misses, is that men really will often be men, in group or alone...but women 'hunt', plan, and even 'prey' on the men they desire...and actually 'behavior-modify' to get the one they think they want...which sets off a perpetuating cycle when seen by younger females, and it is not only then copied, but enhanced, in each generation. Men are still the pigs they have always been...women are just playing better-and-better to the audience, as time goes on...such a shame.
Personally I think that it's more genetic than bad behavior – going back to, yes, the caveman days – women show off their bodies to show that they are healthy to attract a mate, that they will provide lots of offspring. No different than women are attracted to men who can provide (in the old days – good hunters, now-a-days – earn good money).
By the way – women do the same thing – they like to date "bad boys" but when it comes to marriage they focus on someone who can provide for them.
not true muerte. this is just part of the same ole, samle ole conditioning. this is the way men are. well... there are plenty of women that know how to behave both in the public and bedroom and has nothing about demeaning herself to ahrlot position, but enthusiasm in bed. i dont think most men want a harlot. ergo, most men have no desire to buy s7x. which is exactly what you are suggesting. yes, i think both genders want an uninibited partner that enjoys the act of.... your comment does nothing more than cement stereotypes that are unhealthy and unneeded for all of us
sandy... i have yet to see any other than supposition to show that some hottie in caveman day (reality, no baths, no hottie, no sit ups or b))b jobs) showed off any more than the young pumped hottie dude, to get the mate. many of the "caveman" day stories are made up, in supposes, that reaffirm patriarchy. has become a cult for a segment of men.
We pay attention to the ones behaving badly, because not only is it funny that there acting so ridiculous, we make fun of the fact that they are doing this just to get attention but it is also in our nature to be attracted to a women showing off there stuff. and its not our fault that we stare when a girl is flashing someone because we cant help it, men have always been fascinated with the female body.
Women dictate how they would like to be treated. Some go the easy route and get treated like trash. Some are intelligent, attractive, and strong women and those are the ones that are pursued. Some girl that just gives it away like candy is hard to respect because there was no pursuit or work envolved to get it. Therefore you never really established any real feelings for that person it was all lust. Those are easy to toss out and move on should they say something or do something wrong because there is no investment emotionally.
Many guys also gawk at sports cars and speed boats. I wouldn't want either for everyday use, but I can still stand back and appreciate them.
As for the part of your comment about guys saying they want someone respectable but still paying a lot of attention to the not-so-respectable ones, aren't women just as guilty? They say they want a nice guy. But then they fall for the 'bad boy'.
Because not all men can be lumped together. Just as not ALL women are grinding on each other and flashing their boobs, not all men are helping make a spectacle of it. The men who are the loudest encouragers of this behavior are likely not looking for a woman to date and so don't appreciate a respectable woman as much. Conversely a man looking for a respectible woman to date is less likely to be drawn to the women flashing their boobs to get attention.
Let's put it this way. theres a good quality car that you own and respect. it gets you where you need to go and rarely lets you down. Then, a ferrari pulls down the road, screeches past you and whips around in a drifting 180 degree turn. You stop and look, everyone stops and looks. just as a person stops to look at an accident or a fire. there is something about wild, dangerous, and unobtainable that men enjoy and some women do to. however. wild, dangerous, and unobtainable all come with costs. Wild and dangerous wont get you to work, it may get other people driving your car when you're at work though. Some things (people) are fun to look at play with, but to commit to, there has to be quality, and you can't buy quality or get it surgically added. Just keep in mind. everyone gets old. all women will eventually look like grandma, so make sure the woman inside is beautiful. Physical beauty is on loan, and they always take it back.
RadTech is 100% correct. A man wants a woman who is respectable and that he can take out in public and be proud of. He wants to be proud that she picked him out of all the other men out there. Having a respectable woman means they have something that other men don't have. They do not want an embarrassment or someone who is going to be a party girl and likely to cheat on them at the first opportunity. But, in the bedroom, they don't want little miss perfect, goody. Save the bad little girl routine for behind closed doors. It will be much more appreciated.
"I never understood guys staring at girls behaving badly as if they've never seen a female before in their life. But when it comes to dating, they want someone respectable. if they want someone respectable, why do they give attention to the ones behaving badly?" -
As a man, I've wondered the same thing about women: Why are they more interested in the guys who are rude or ignorant and act like jerks, and less interested or appreciative of men who are kind, caring and intelligent? Why do they prefer the jerk over the nice guy? How many readers have friends who date guys who treat them poorly, but they won't break things off? Why do Nice Guys Finish Last? Do women really enjoy the challenge and the chase so much that they would live in misery? And what does that behavior suggest to men: That if we want to be with those women, we need to act in ways that they prefer – and act like a jerk? Recently CNN ran an OpEd piece noting that these women do not think of the challenging men as "jerks," but as "cool." Men who are nice are associated with being "boring." Where do society's women get these notions and why do they adhere to them in spite of the reality that lame acting people really are lame? Both men and women alike deserve better than to be in a relationship with someone who won't treat them with respect.
When does the new season of the Jersey Shore come out? Can't wait. If not for girls like Snooki, I'd never get laid.
"And what he needs to be looking at are strong women who know the difference between reality and reality TV". -Great line!
Michelle.....look at Dave's reply. Brilliant.
What men want in a woman has never changed – "Lady on the street, wh0re in bed."
Don't worry. Though bad and/or extreme behavior is getting all the press lately (think of it as showing off having control of the media) the majority views are still around. And the majority want a woman that is confident, happy/fun and caring/kind. Come to think of it that is exactly what many women want in a man too. 😉
Wel u did a nice job, but our girls need 2 caution themselves against such displays, as our boys dosen't need 2 be warn because they adorn the handwork of God
Michelle, it's the same reason girls go after the "bad boys" in school/life
The good lord put women on this earth for us to degrade and deflower. Its the natural order of things. Whats all this talk about "respect" anyways?
It goes both ways. Women say they want to be respected, etc, but then who gets the girl? The bad boy. "I can save him." But they can't. The good men see that the beautiful, and otherwise smart, women go for thugs. And then wonder why its hard to find a good man. So your question applies to women to: if they want someone respectable, why do they so often go for the bad guy, the one who treats them with disrespect (at best)?
This is the flip side of the nice guys finish last, girls like the bad-boy double standard that men have been dealing with for years.
Who in their right mind likes watching a circus clown?
im sorry i dont mean to reply to anyone in particular, but can anyone explain to me what women talk about when they leave the guys at the table and have their group bathroom sessions? We all know that nail polish and eyeliner are not the hot topics in there.
If all women looked like Snooki, guys wouldn't want any!
So I'm not the only one....thank god
Anyone actually interested in the "characters" of "Jersey Shore" and the like, are a big reason why we Americans are perceived so negatively. We truly love to watch bottom-of-the-barrel society in action, and it's far more important to us (as shown by how much time we spend in the Entertainment sections of our media outlets) than the things we complain about: war, taxation, education, public health and safety, etc.
One of the reasons I love serving overseas so much... I get away from (most) of the drones.
*likes this comment*
lol, very very true. Women wouldn't want it either. bleah.
there isn't enough vodka or penicillin
What the hell is snooki?
agree....reality tV is the mind-numbing of America, yet it thrives? Hollywood doesn't care as long as the $ roll in.....
Snooki is a woman?
She's a worthless gutter troll that should be removed from the public eye.
"Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!" If such is the case, it being that I have not used profane language, impersonated or slandered anybody why do you censure my comment, it being that I solely express an opinion? is it that the author is too thin-skinned for opposing views or criticism of his premises?
CNN does careful crafting of comments to give the illusion of participation while still maintaining the intended narrative. This is blog theater ^_^
"These days, all you have to do is turn on the TV or pick up a gossip magazine to see the future of our youth—and let me tell you, it’s not pretty...."
Now, this may seem crazy, but how about you don't get cable and you don't buy gossip magazines?
Where on Earth are we to find strong female role models? Ohh... I dunno... how about...
-Joan of Arc
-The Joy Luck Club
-A Midsummer Night's Dream
-Alistair Reynolds' books
-The Narnia Series
etc. etc. etc.
Don't have cable in my house, just Netflix. Didn't even know what Snooki looked like until this article, and will immediately forget after I'm done here.
For those that still don't get it, they're all books.
I completely agree with you.
Same here. I just had this 'Jersey Shore' crap explained to me a few weeks ago by a friend of mine. I'm not an old fart, by the way, I'm just a 23 year old law student. I don't have cable, but I love Netflix. I have seen more good movies than anyone I know, especially when it comes to cool Indie movies. I hate TV. The one show that I do shamelessly get into that I look up online at the end of every season is Dexter.
Oh, and comic books are often great sources of female role models, because not only do they feature strong women, but you get to follow the adventures of that woman over time. Also, if you want a movie. Star Wars has several fantastic women, so does Star Trek. Actually, just look to "nerdy" things, you'll find a lot of great things.
I thought Harry Potter was a guy?
The funny thing is, and I think this at the core of the problem and a big part of the larger female fantasy that this is all about... All those you listed but one are FICTION.
the problem is you have a generation who isn't smart enough to read. And BRAVO for the Dragonlance bump. My wife just finished reading all 4 of the Chronicles as well as Legends and she loved them. Took me a minute to convince her that they were good because she simply saw them as "fantasy books" but she even cried when Flint died.
those are all nerd/fantasy books. Us adults are looking for REAL female role models for our children, not ones who are queens of lollipop land, or cast spells or rule some desert planet. I bet the shirt that you have on right now has either wolves or dragons on it.
You forgot Eve of Pardise Lost, and Shakespeare's Rosalind, Viola and Portia. Literary tradition is replete with strong, non-archetypal women.
If fictional women are not enough, why not be the strong role model yourself?
Those are childrens books (Narnia??? really?) and like i said BOOKS not ont the television which most people watch
LOL @ ummm, actually i am wearing slacks and collared shirt, blazer hanging on the back of my office door. Careful with your ignorant stereotypes "umm"... proving to the world that you know less than nothing is easy enough... you don't need to be proactive in showing it.
Thank you for saying what I constantly say. Just get rid of your cable people. I haven't had cable television in a year. I save over a hundred bucks a month and have yet to tire of thinking about how much money they are loosing, greedy tv bstrds, plus their product sucks now adays. 100 plus channels and you can't even find anything decent to watch, end up watching a history channel special you saw 10 years ago and every subsequent year afterwards. Hitler lives obviously in the boob tube.
Seriously? Most of those role models are fictional characters. Come out of your cave...
You've obviously never read the Narnia books. The movies are 21st century works catering to a 21st century feminist ethos, but the books? Lewis had very firm ideas about gender roles (he was a Christian, after all, even if he was a reconstructed one) and wasn't shy about saying so in his books.
I know one thing, ummm is not going to be providing a positive role model to her kids on her own. Nothing like ranting about stereotyping women while stereotyping others as nerds. Can't wait to see her daughter on the next girls gone wild vid... where at least the clothes she's taking off won't have dragons on them... the tramp stamp might though...
Oh yes, cable/satellite is sooooo bad. Let's see- Discovery, Health, Animal Planet, The Learning Channel, Nature, Investigation Discovery,Green, NASA, Military History, History Channel, Science, National Geographic Channel, etc... Yes, I NEVER learn anything from watching satellite TV. If all you want is entertainment (Netflix), there is WE, Bravo, BBCA, HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Disney Channel, Cartoon Network...
There's always a man to blame. Women are responsible for thier own behavior just as men are responsible for thiers. Men do things they think women want them to do to get attention too. It's called personal responsibility. Stop looking to blame one another and look at yourself. Men do not force women to strip down on webcams or in strip bars. They do this on thier own and most of the time they do it to make easy money. My wife never did anything like that and I still chased her to make her mine. And in closing, a good female friend of mine told me once, "women are just as bad as men, we just don't show it as much."
Amen, Dave. Kudos.
women always blame men. you know, that's actually our real gender: we aren't males... we're scapegoats. that's the true gender. Female and Scapegoat. There's no such thing as "male".
Women can be worse. I've heard from various, women friends and lovers, about what they say to each other, when they're alone in the bathroom. Bad girls!
Much of that irresponsible behavior is due to low self esteem, a problem that girls have much more frequently than boys do. Is it a genetic flaw? Is it taught by society? I don't know. All I know is that we need more women (and men) to come forward and show that it's not black and white, people will always objectify each other, it's just a matter of being aware of that natural urge.
Got that right, Dave...
Wouldn't this go back to the parents teaching their daughters right from wrong and to respect themselves? Just saying......
Bree, actually most Americans rely on society for that nowadays. So far, it's working very well. We even have a woman suing McDonald's because she has to tell her kids "no" every time they want a Happy Meal.
Not only should girls be taught to respect themselves, they should be taught to respect boys. Women are starting to objectify men just as much as men do women. At the same time, boys need to be taught to respect themselves and to respect women. I hate the misogynistic "boys will be boys" but girls are held to a higher standard crap. We need to teach all children to respect themselves and each other.
Gidgit, I totally agree. Parents are the worst about creating different standards, expectations and rules for their children based on gender.
I don't like the writer's comment that he and his wife have it easy because they have two boys. That's continuing the double standard. I've raised three boys and it is not easy in this day and age to raise young men who know when to be 'wild' and when to be respectful. I've tried to teach them that a strong, intelligent, confident man wants a woman with similar qualities. Yes, I know that teens/early20s go wild and peer pressure is strong, but I also know that parents can make a difference.
Thank you for this article! I'm glad someone called out Snooki! Why is she even famous in the first place?!?!?!?!
She's famous (temporarily) because people watch her show, write articles that mention her, and spend time on message boards debating whether or not she should be famous.
She's famous because she is interesting. How boring would the world be if everyone was a "good, well behaved, respectable person"? Why can't people enjoy each other and stop trying to make everyone fit their mold of "improved human"? (Answer: because they need to feel superior through critical complaint)
Parents are the problem..
Apparently the moderator(s) of this string have no maturity or stomach for polite, critical discussion from an opposing perspective, too bad for them, being associated with journalism as they are.
So CNN, Oh-Great-Oracle-of-Journalism, which positive role models from your archives are we supposed to use as our examples of how to live instead of Snooki, Paris Hilton? Lindsay Lohan? Tiger Woods' gold-digging harem? Queen of Corruption Nancy Pelosi? Hillary "True Love" Clinton? We (as a population) only get to choose from the examples that you self-styled "journalists" allow us to see, and when was the last time CNN chose to air a story about someone who inspires people over someone from Hollywood getting caught for their third DUI? Other than the five minutes you spent on Elizabeth Edwards, you don't show us too many admirable examples of humanity. You'd rather keep throwing gas on the political fires and keep us believing that there are no moderates (or journalists) left in the world, only extreme lefty mouthpieces and righty mouthpieces.
The "Age" of Snooki? Excuse me? Like she actually matters to anyone? That is an amazingly offensive, condescending and elitist worldview, that the people who find crap like Jersey Shore and Family Guy interesting, or who "get their news" from the Daily Show, that they make up some significant segment of the population (almost as offensive as the idea you "journalists" have that you're authorities on anything, or admired in any way these days, because there are no more Murrows or Cronkites, only Riveras and Springers and Olbermans. No doubt South Park will win the Pulitzer this year. I don't know, and find it hard to conceive, of anyone who thinks Snooki, that fat little loud ugly ignorant ball of stupidity, is any kind of role model for anyone (or anyone else from that bunch of losers, I mean c'mon, "The Situation"? He's like the guido version of Napolean Dynamite). You call that fame? Among "reality" show and train wreck junkies maybe (although what those JS idiots know about reality is demonstrably limited). And famous only for being a loud-mouthed, ignorant fool of a midget who, when she gets punched by a man for mouthing off, only gets sympathy from half the people, while the rest cheer. Personally I don't think there ARE any good role models from Jersey, but anyway the people who are really from Jersey are annoyed that people think the cast is from Jersey, when they're all really "guidos from NY". What they have is NOT fame, and they're not even interesting enough to be notorious. Being more widely known than most stupid do uc he ba gs (just for being a stupid dou ch e ba g) just because someone accidentally saw your crappy tv show is not fame. It's called not doing enough damage control on your image. Any publicity is NOT good publicity. Not among people who actually have a mind, and not among real journalists, if there are any left.
Seems simple enough, do A then B then C and boys will behave right.
Except, maybe the way they are behaving now is right, and asking them to change at all is a social norm that will move from liberal to conservative and back over time. You say they need to see strong women, but what if they don't want strong women? What if women don't want to be strong? Seems like you are imposing a personally acceptable norm here rather than offering anything useful.
If this is the "Age of Snooki" just put a bullet in me.....
I'm with you... Unless we can work it so that Snookie takes said bullet
You or what is suppose to be a snooki?
Many people do crazy things when it come to attract others. If you behave well, respect others, you will get respect. Thinking that, I am not getting respect because some other women are doing wild things, is blaming others for your own weakness. There are woman, great woman like Mother Teresa. I don't think I feel that way, when i see her.
These women/girls have always existed; the internet, camera phones, and media saturation is what's realitively new.
I totally agree! read my comment
The last paragraph sums up the entire story as being a contradiction off what was stated in the opening paragraph "...they're (women) often taking the lead. Why is this up to changing how the "boys" in society view women? Why isn't this about promoting self confidence in our younger girls in a positive manner? Let's thicken our skin and not be so naive.
what men need and and want - what would keep us happy and at home is a wife that can portray the aspects of a virtuous woman and mother to the outside world but when in the bedroom become the nastiest hottie on earth. If they could do that, and I have not found one that would try or could they would the earth. Men are simple creatures.
Amen Kelley: I want a woman who is a "Lady in the streets but a freak in the bed"!!
Dude you just hit the nail on the head with this comment. Amen bro, Amen.
But, George, those of us who ARE ladies in public very rarely get any attention. Men ASSUME too much from first glance. For example, I had a blind date scheduled on a work day, and waited half an hour for the guy. I called the friend who'd set it up, and was told that because I arrived in a business suit, he "knew" I was a prude and too uptight and he left without saying hello. Did he think I was going to wear a leather miniskirt and leopard print halter top to work???? Appearances can be deceiving.
Works both ways, you know. These women do exist, and so do men. When you see parents with well behaving teens, all talking to each other (no cell phones, no texting, no boring looks) at a restaurant, you know that there is balance of power and needs met.
Count yourself lucky, the loser weeded himself out before starting dating you. Do you really want to date someone because the business suit gives him a bad impression? I have a feeling a lot of women looking for GOOD MEN at wrong places, you can pretty much discount 80% of the men at any bar anywhere in this country. Get out, get involved, find a jogging club, a biking club, take some fitness classes, go to the library, museums, don't resort to stereotypical "pickup" spots and expect to find respectable men there, because good men are not intrigued by dating cesspool that is the bar.
"the future of our youth—and let me tell you, it’s not pretty." - people in EVERY generation have said that. Its always the "ooo, we were raised right but kids of nowadays are just going to explode any minute". STOP. They'll be fine, get over it and talk to a counselor.
good wisdom John. There we go!
Not true. Society has been steadily declining. It is a MYTH that it is simply because its all out in the open. Any reputable historian or even your average person who is older than 25 will tell you that the world is worse. The 1900's saw unprecedented corruption and vile behaviour. Its just the facts. Wake up to reality dude.
Ok, don't panic. #1) 300 years ago richies and nobles were more promiscuous than all those mentioned(if you want could go even far back...).#2)why they need necessarily to follow those models?? I trully believe in try, but not absorve like a sponge.
Its not about promescuity, you can be promiscuious and still have class.
MTV Snooki is just that, white New York gibroni trash!! She's beat to begin with. I feel sorry for her. She'll wind up in the gutter. These shows are just that. Shows for ratings. I have never watched an episode of that show, I've paused flipping through the channels mind you, but can not believe people enjoy this reality crap... Again the Bell shaped curve. This is the epitome of young adult behavior... 5% percent of people watch this and act like this. 5% are Saints and the rest somewhere in between. Take this for what it is, a show. Albeit a bad one. it's a show... Use your channel remote!!!!!
What is a Snooki?
Or who is she? I'd like to know too.
Someone who needs a shot of penicillin and less time in the tanning bed (and everyone else's bed, for that matter).
CNN. We all know your trying to be cute by saying "age of Snooki'. Problem is it aint cute. You are giving a bloated drunk idiot some kind of relevence to society and it is kind of disgusting. If CNN and other rags would ignore her then maybe this would not be a problem. Thanks for fueling the fire alonside E!, Nat Enquirer and other garbage news services.
Don't want to draw attention to the antics of Snooki? Stop publishing articles like this, and then inviting public comment like this. CNN, you are part of the problem.
There are not part of the problem – they are doing a job. The problem is that many of us remember when they were a "news" based organization. and still sometimes get misled into believing they are still a news based, rather than an entertainment based organization.
No Mike. If I see a person wearing a police uniform I will approach him if I need help. Don't DRESS UP yourself as a reputable news source and then feature crap like this. We are not in the wrong for expecting something quality and news-worthy.
that video is classic
this was probably written by a women, im just saying
You would be wise to read the article before commenting on it.
A real problem in America is that people comment on things they know little or nothing about. Makes you look and sound like an idiot.
Try this: read something in its entirety. Then: form an opinion after summarizing. Lastly: Post your response here.
Snookie is on MTV. It is not mainstream America watching Snookie. It is a bunch of retarded teenagers. Unfortuneately MTV does a lot of the early programming and moral guidance of American youth. The best bet is don't waste your money on cable TV.
You are totally wrong about television. You may not have discovered you CAN change the channel. It becomes so daunting when people blame TV for things. There is a lot of good programming going on, if you are not looking for it, that is your own fault. You must be glued to trashy tv because you like it. If you are continually finding trashy tv it is because you are looking for it.
It is simple: create trashy tv+people watch=create more trashy tv.
But it also goes the same way for: create relevant and insightful tv+people watch=create more relevant/insightful television.
@Nathan: SHUT UP:/ I am, occording 2 u, a "retarded teenager". U bettr watch it, bcuz b4 u kno it alll of the "retarded teenagers" will b running the world, and u will b a "grumpy old fart", and we will mke getting health care 4 u impossible, bcuz we r TOO RETARDED 2 work it out!!! btw i am NOT a snookie idol, she is a huge tramp, but its funny 2 wtch her n the rest of the jersey shore crew screw up their lives!!! normal teenagers r not like tht, sure w may H//U once in a while for fun n stuff like tht, but we r not pickle obsessed with a dead animal ontop of our heads tht pass 4 a bump-it poof (thts Snooki 4 all thse pples asking wht a snooki was)
Nice call Nathan. Self-proclaimed "Retarded Teen" has proved your point with every thought fragment she fails to phrase into English words.
Snooki is irrelevant in this case. The headline is just to get people who normally wouldn't read this article to give it a shot. Now they're thinking about the "raunchy" activities in their lives and reflecting on them and hopefully gaining some dignity and self respect. I'll admit that I am enticed and attracted by women behaving a certain way but I am quickly brought back to reality when I use logic and think about sisters and mothers. I encourage people to explore their wild side, but please - do it with some class.
Yall are all nerds
Forgive us if we don't value the opinion of a person who uses the word "yall", and calls us "nerds", too highly.
'John' sounds like a pretentious windbag. Your comments are useless. Please shut up.
"Yall"? some how i'd wager to bet, given a choice, more people would rather be considered "nerds" than even be associated with... much less want to be called a redneck.
yea, what's wrong with nerds? Nerds thought up the technology for the car you drive and the cell phone you are talking on? Nerds put themselves through medical school to save your redneck as* when you get throat cancer from chewing. People like you are the problem in this article, that think nerds should be looked down upon, and people like snooki are role models.
As an English major and teacher, I can tell you that you are incorrect. Y'all is an acceptable contraction for the words you and all. Yes, it is used predominantly in the south, but it is in no way incorrect. I find it annoying when people with no education try to correct others.
And I find it annoying when "English Teacher" arguments are the slipperiest of slopes. Jeez, just because they think y'all is not a word means they have no education? I hope you are not a real teacher.
I stare at women because they are beautiful. I fall in love every 5 minutes. Women are amazing to me...they way the look, act, move....etc. But to stare and dream is much different than to grope, grab and disrespect. Watching some $Lut strip is fun....from a good safe distance....but that type of woman will find no respect or interest from me, other than the entertainment of her show....nor would I get closer than 30 feet. Those nasty little bugs can jump.
Falling "in love" every five minutes with strangers and finding enjoyment in watching a stranger get naked has everything to do with the problem. Those women aren't people to you, they are fantasies.
one hand strokin' and and one hand on the mouse
"That’s not going to happen. Men are "programmed" to have $ex all the time from about the ages of 14-60. We have the urge to be with as many women as possible. So when they are doing things that are sensual or dressing sensually we are powerless to resist." This is really the most overused theory of an excuse ever. When a man claims that he is powerless to resist women, powerless to use his mind to offset his will to objectify, then he loses my respect immediately. It is a weak man and a weak mindset. I can think of a million biological/physiological excuses for remaining dependent upon a man. But I do not ... because I have a brain, self-respect, and the ability to see myself as more. We are all capable of overcoming our reptilian instincts.
Only an ugly woman would say that.
Yes but it's easier to say that someone/something else is the cause of my bad behavior. It reminds me of a man that was telling me that women shouldn't wear skimpy outfits because they made him lust. He never would accept that it wasn't the womans fault.
If you really believe your post, it is because YOU subscribe to the kind of "programming" that you despise. Don't be that woman.
I agree with Sophia. As a married man, I respect my wife. Am I blind and don't notice beautiful women? Of course I do. Do I fantasize about them? No. Its disgusting and pathetic. You married your wife for a reason. Grow some balls and quit making excuses. Why do some men think women think they are dogs? Because some are. Real men are out there ladies.
There is something else I would like to add to this discussion: If you are a woman, and your physical qualities are not good, then you will be very conservative and pious...... If you are a man, and you are ugly, you will still love all women and want to be with them all...... Thanks God I am a man in the era of Snooki.....
It's no nice that we always have a few unemployable PhDs kicking around to tell how wrong we are and that their liberated free thinking is the only acceptable liberated free thinking.
I really appreciate this article. thank you very much for sharing.
The solution is not to say what we don't like about Snooki et al but to praise who/what we do find desirable.
Some girls are fine, others are horrible. The horrible ones are the ones we see on TV because people like watching wackos. If dopey viewers can't figure this out, we're in trouble. If your "hero" is Snookie or some other brainless bimbo, something went seriously wrong in your upbringing.
They've been making songs about this for years. Guys want an angel in the morning and a devil at night...... A lady on the street, but a freak in the bed......
Have you seen some of the women in the country? LOL. Retract your statement!!
... and you.
Unresolved Daddy issues?
Seriously - anyone that replies to this stupid story is a dou che bag!!!!!
Don't be so hard on yourself
Who the hell is snooki?
My dear Texas Joe, watch Jersey Shore on MTV for one night, and i GUARANTEE tht u wwill kno who Snooki is. She is the $LUT and 8itch tht ur daughter wanted 2 b for halloween. Ohhhhhh, I LOVE my teenage society!
She is like the new 2010 Marilyn Monroe!!!
you say that it falls on the girls' shoulders to push back but when the girl pushes back the boy will blast away on facebook, at school, and texting that she is a prude and will just make up lies about her to force her into submission.
many girls do what they do because they are afraid of being a social outcast. i wish the girls had more self confidence but feminism made this a boy's world and now, girls will have to face the punishment.
Franklink, if you honestly believe that, you need to get out more. Women are like this because they want attention, and men give it to them. A lot of these "good girls" really aren't good girls if you get to know them.
You need to read more.
"Liberation" means that you have no more right to tell women how they should behave than anyone else. Teach your children the in the best way you can, let me do the same for my own. And let's hope that they grow up being able to make up their own minds based on, and despite, our teachings.
And writing about the objectification of women, and then using "Snooki" in your attention-grabbing headline? Hmm – is it ok to use objectified women to move a product, as long as it is your own?
So do men. This way we'll know what we are going after.
And they say gays have no morals....
"Boys will be boys" being mentioned calls for someone to play devil's advocate...boys are able to be boys but girls cant be girls? I understand the goal of the article was to encourage women not to objectify themselves and present themselves respectfully but, like everything else in life, people are created differently. The "wild" girls might get the attention but that doesnt mean the respectable ones cease to exist. And maybe the "wild" ones have taken it a little too far but the bottom line of what they do is legitimate, they are refusing to be kept in the box that requires them to be respectable all the time. Rather than looking at themselves the way men do as the article suggests, they have begun to act more like men in a society that has encouraged equality, independence, and liberation.
as a side note, its not worth it to get so bent out of shape about the snooki issue, its a fad like many other things in youth culture that become popular quickly. it will pass.
Any REAL woman, will be herself, emotionally and physically, without the undue demands of society. There are a lot of attractive, naturally beautiful women out there. The ones that press themselves to a perfect body, or glam themselves up to the 9's, who strive for perfection, are nothing but superficial beings. Nice to look at, terrible to be with.
This is nothing new
Women have always tried to out-perform other women
We buy clothes and make-up so other women will envy our beauty
All this is, is the ease of which it can be done today with all our social networking
and reality shows
Not true. I enjoy putting on makeup and all the other aspects of being a girl. I do it for myself AND my husband. I could give a crap what other women think of me!
Wow, do some woman actually think like that? How very very sad.
about time they called out Tila Tequila for being a terrible person. the fake pregnancy and miscarriage claims. and also her drug (allegedly) induced twitter rants too. what would a teen learn from her?? how to be a liar?
Life Goes On with Corky was a way better show!!!
i thought snooki was virgin??
I feel that people are missing the point, guys stare at these girls and give them attention however, most guys (at least myself) do not respect girls who act wild like this therefore, I would not date this girl. There are differences between girls who demand respect and girls who deserve respect; sometime these two can be clouded but girls who have enough confidence to be themselves have been treated much better than the girl who is up on stage flashing her boobs. Socially it is obvious that there is a problem that 'all we see are beautiful women on tv and the internet' but that is for entertainment value. People seem to have these two ‘worlds’ confused. As I stated before girls who demand respect seem to receive respect more often than not and if they don't from certain men that’s just how it is going to be. It is as simple as 'Not everybody will like you'