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Sex: Should women be more like men?
December 9th, 2010
09:21 AM ET

Sex: Should women be more like men?

In the very first episode of "Sex and the City," Carrie poses the question,  “In an age where women enjoy the same successes as men, why shouldn’t they also be able enjoy sex like men?” She was, of course, referring to the male ability to indulge in sex casually, freely, and without a sense of emotional attachment: sex for the sake of sex. And clearly, the phenomenon of the TV series itself, as well as the culture of hooking up of which it was part and parcel, has answered its own question: Yes, a woman can have sex like a man—and then some!

But maybe the real question isn’t whether a woman can have sex like a man, but if she should. At Good in Bed, our experts are debating this topic and we don’t always agree.

Many years before Candace Bushnell put pen to paper, Nobel Prize-winning author Doris Lessing wrote, on the subject of sexual freedom, "Men get erections when they're with a woman they don't give a damn about, but we don't have an orgasm unless we love him. What's free about that?" Or as Carrie’s gal-pal, Charlotte, puts it after hooking up with a guy, "Did the last four-and-a-half hours mean nothing to you?"

Sometimes we treat sex lightly, but sex doesn’t always treat us lightly in return. In biological terms, the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the cuddle hormone. Oxytocin helps facilitate a sense of attachment. But if there's nothing to attach to, if there's no deeper emotional content or meaningfulness, orgasm could become a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it. Some sexolgists call this phenomenon post-orgasm regret, and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger.

This was brought home to me in a recent editorial in the New York Times titled “Sex and Depression.” in which Richard A. Friedman, M.D., writes of a female patient, “She was a 32-year-old woman who experienced a four- to six-hour period of intense depression and irritability after an orgasm, either alone or with a partner. It was so unpleasant that she was starting to avoid sex.” And in her book, "The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms," sex educator Emily Nagoski explains, “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship. Her body needs time to adapt to the new partner, to learn to trust him or her, and to relax into the knowledge that her partner accepts and appreciates her body.” But is this period of adaptation just that—a period—or does it point to a more fundamental difference between male and female sexuality?

In 1966, Masters and Johnson published their classic book, “Human Sexual Response,” and proposed a linear model of sexual response for both men and women that included four stages: arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution (the time where many men roll over and start snoring). But over the years experts have questioned this model, as it assumes that men and women are more similar than different. More recently, sex researcher Rosemarie Basson has proposed a new framework for thinking about female sexual response, one that places the importance of emotional intimacy and relationship satisfaction at its center. Basson’s framework contends that female sexual arousal is more complex than a male’s and depends more intensely on factors such as relationship satisfaction, self-esteem and previous sexual experiences—pretty important stuff in maintaining a long-term committed relationship, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman.

So let’s rephrase that question one more time, shall we? It’s not a question of can, or even should, a woman have sex like a man. The real question is, Should a man have sex like a woman?

And remember, if you’d like more help navigating this life-change years, check out our free download of the Good in Bed Guide to Sex and the Baby Years.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author, blogs on Thursdays on The Chart. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.


soundoff (255 Responses)
  1. Valerie

    Agreed. Unfortunately Frank, the world is going strait to pot these days, it seems so many people have no respect for marriage, or family. These are the foundations of any successful, civil society. Today it's all about me,me,me....what "I" want, what "I" can get out of a relationship, what "I" can get out of gratuitous $ E X .....me, me, me...................

    December 9, 2010 at 10:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Evolution101

      Disgruntled, internet extremist males who rant and rave about women DO NOT represent the real men in the real world who have healthy relationships with women. The men that rant and rave on internet forums are disgruntled and fearful of women in some way. Too bad. They really should befriend my wonderful husband and our circle of friends because they sure could use a reality check. What you feel in the inside is what you will see in the outside, i.e., feel negative inside and you will only find negativity in the outside.

      December 29, 2010 at 03:40 | Report abuse |
  2. Sophie

    Really? You blame feminist culture? In a country and world that has exploited women in every way possible, you still blame women? Because men have been championing moral sx for all of history???

    December 9, 2010 at 11:10 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Evolution101

      Anyone blaming feminism is just a disgruntled person. Gosh, the future is changing, what the heck are you poor babies going to do? Throw a pity party? My lovely husband, 3 great brothers and few male friends don't fear women rising in the work and social forces; they celebrate it!

      December 29, 2010 at 03:36 | Report abuse |
    • Infantry

      Thank god I work in an all male environment in the military. All that estrogen belongs in the kitchen.

      January 3, 2011 at 22:20 | Report abuse |
  3. KC

    Sorry, David, but if you were a teenager in the 80s, that means you're now a middle-aged man being pursued by young golddiggers. They'll do whatever it takes to get you to open your wallet.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Teeph

    . . . and then you woke up.

    Bragging about your exploits on the interweb isn't worth the paper it's printed on Dave.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. grandmaster jam

    haha david u sound like a 50 year ol pimp

    December 9, 2010 at 11:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. grandmaster jam

    old*

    December 9, 2010 at 11:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. KC

    Amen, Valerie. The women of quality are in book clubs, discussion groups, places where relationships develop over time. I had a friend who thought she wouldn't get a second date if she didn't put out on the first date. Most of her "relationships" fizzled in months as they discovered they didn't like each other as people. It may take a man longer to get me there in the first place, but once he does, I'm staying.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Aaron

    I would never look for a woman in any of those places. Complete waste of time. The right kind of woman cannot be found there. Nothing but a headache.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Aaron

    Wow the mods here are uptight losers.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. KC

    The real reason there are so many failed marriages now is that women are self-supporting. We no longer have to put up with jerk men to keep a roof over our heads. My ex thought he could get away with anything and was stunned when I kicked him to the curb; this is not the 1950s, pal - I earn more than you do. He was the one who ended up trying to get alimony, when he realized how far his paycheck did NOT go when I was no longer paying 80% of the household expenses. (He had always looked at the number of bills each of us paid - he wrote 3 checks a month, I wrote 3 checks a month - without it registering that the 3 checks I wrote were the big ones, including the rent/mortgage and insurance. He paid the $30 cable TV bill and $40 electric bill.)

    December 9, 2010 at 11:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. KC

    Define "the right kind of woman"? I cook, clean, pay my own way, and once I'm sure a man is worth it, he's guaranteed a good time. But no, not on the first date.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. David in Corpus

    Haters people, I swear to God if you just work out daily and eat right your whole lives can change within a year. I have seen it happen. One of my best buddies at the gym came in a couple of years ago weighing 270 and lookin' bad. He is now the hottest guy in the gym. He has to beat the chicks off with a stick. I don't do nearly as well as he does, then again he is the tall dark and handsome type and I am the naturally lanky skinhead type. Young women these days want to date a thug. You don't have to be a real thug, just play the part and look the part and everything will fall into place. Good luck and concentrate on stomach crunches and chest exercises.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:40 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      David, while I agree with you on the working out aspect (squats are KING!), you have to admit, the rest is pretty shallow, and perhaps this is what you want, but you know you are only attracting idiots, don't you? What happens when the party is over? These girls have low self esteem, that is why they let you use them. I can tell you, as a woman, NO woman wants to be "used", we all want to feel loved and cherished, no matter how we ultimately come off to a man. Some females are abused as children, or abandoned by their father, and they learn to use thier bodies to recieve "love", or, what they preceive love to be. In the end, however, she will end up older, and less desireable to a man just looking for an easy lay, and she will end up even more depressed and alone. Do you want to be part of that? Or do you just not care about people. Please consider this. I am sure you aren't a "bad" person....

      December 9, 2010 at 11:48 | Report abuse |
    • GrammarGnatsie

      In regards to exercising and eating properly, it can be a challenge, but to some it just comes naturally. I love playing sports, though I'm not interested in weight lifting. I'm also somewhat picky about food quality, in comparison to most people I know. I do look good and take pride in that, but I accept that I don't have to try as hard as most people do in order to feel this way.

      As for those types of girls... In all fairness, Val, if these gals are letting themselves be used, ignored, and dropped, they probably know they aren't yet fit for an honest and significant relationship. I find those much more fulfilling and enjoyable than flings, but I won't pretend I've never "played the game". When it comes down to it, we all do what we want to do, even if it makes us feel better to tell ourselves we don't want it. For instance, a girl letting herself get used later cries to a friend about being used again; She wanted it because it's her comfort zone... It's what she's used to. It makes her happy, even though she wants a long-term relationship to make her happy.

      December 9, 2010 at 18:32 | Report abuse |
    • Kate

      Never met a guy with a 'thug' body that was worth it in bed. Looks pretty, but lazy and clumsy where it counts, not to mention boring as heck afterwards.

      December 10, 2010 at 17:03 | Report abuse |
    • Mearder

      you re full of it
      A SKIN would never write what you wrote

      December 20, 2010 at 19:25 | Report abuse |
    • Evolution101

      I agree with Valerie. A self-respecting woman will seek out a man who will treat her the way she treats herself – with respect. She will seek out men who respect women because she respects herself. It's really that simple. Neither me nor my friends would ever give one second of our time to a rude man, ever. We love ourselves too much and don't want dysfunction in our lives. No one wants to be treated with disrespect. LOL, it's silly to even question that. Even those with low self-esteem, they don't want it either and it's only a matter of time before they walk away one day.

      December 29, 2010 at 03:47 | Report abuse |
  13. Mok

    "post-orgasm regret"
    It sounds like a cool name for a band.
    seriously?? people live with regret every day – who cares.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:41 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Moimoimoi

      Nice one.

      December 9, 2010 at 18:32 | Report abuse |
    • Sabrina

      Those who live with the results of regret care, even if you allegedly don't.

      December 12, 2010 at 20:05 | Report abuse |
    • Betty

      Yeah, I'm having a hard time being all concerned about that, myself. Look, if you get post-orgasm regret, then change your own life. Don't go judging what other people are doing. Don't blame the man for an emotion or condition that's in you. If It doesn't work for you, fine. Fix it. Give your inner child a hug, but don't expect the whole world to adopt it.

      December 13, 2010 at 08:20 | Report abuse |
    • Danwondering

      Beth, is that you? Maybe its just my imagination...

      December 14, 2010 at 07:52 | Report abuse |
  14. Mok

    Put the magnums over your head and breathe in and out until you fall asleep...thats all the good trojan magnums will do for you most likely.

    December 9, 2010 at 11:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Mok

    /yawn

    December 9, 2010 at 11:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Jules

    i see something very itchy in your future

    December 9, 2010 at 11:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Richard

    Blah,blah,blah,blah,blah

    December 9, 2010 at 12:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Jorge

    I hear you David, better to be a fit 50 who knows how to get a mojo on than a 20ish gamer couch potato who gets winded changing a spare tire, lives on chips and whose best line is, "So, have you seen the latest App?" I recently drove from Savannah to see my daughter in Dallas and I visited my grandson's daycare with her to give him a surprise, upon seeing inquisitive eyes tracking me on the playground, I sheepishly explained that I was there to catch my grandson in action. of the two teacher/caretakers watching me, one young brown-skinned hottie said that I positively did not look like a grandfather, when I told her that I was 52, she outright said that I looked DAMN good for my age, and asked me what I ate. It was kind of an awkward situation, as my daughter is a first-class snitch and anything I said in reply would have been used against me back home, that hasn't been the first time either, so guys, to each his own, take care of yourselves, eat right, take your vitamins every day, do the weights and the roadwork, feed your mind, stay off the drugs and you will age in grace.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. EZNYer

    Those aren't real women they are websites

    December 9, 2010 at 12:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. EZNYer

    Nature intended men to have multiple partners and not be in a monogamous relationship. You are thinking "As my Judeo/Christian God intended...."

    December 9, 2010 at 12:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Purge

    That part about the men only getting erections around women they don't care about is completely illogical and un-called for, And is a lie for another part. And yet im not surprised that a woman wrote that article.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:38 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Donna

      That does not say ONLY. It says that they get erections with women they don't give a damn about (implied is that they get erections whether they care or not).

      December 9, 2010 at 13:42 | Report abuse |
    • GrammarGnatsie

      An author wrote that. It's a literary tool called a hyperbole; an exaggeration.

      December 9, 2010 at 18:34 | Report abuse |
    • Read First

      The author did not say only, the author merely pointed out that men are easily aroused by women they don't care about emotionally. Pointing out that it is more physical for us, and she is correct. No where in the sentence does she say only.

      December 14, 2010 at 13:54 | Report abuse |
  22. EZNYer

    I blame feminism for killing the last vestiges of chivalry in American culture.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. TK i

    As man I would like the best of both worlds. I know it is wrong, but that's how I feel about it. I love my wife and have never cheated and I have had plently of chances to. But my wife do not like sx like I do. I would love to have sx with my wife whenever she is in the mood and other whenever. I know that would kill her so I don't. Men are dogs, fine we are. I could love my wife and still have sx with other women. But woman can't do that.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:44 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      Yes we can. But you men would divorce us, just like we'd divorce you. Men like to "think" they are the only ones who like variety but the truth is, women do too, we just don't rub it into your fragile little egos........

      December 9, 2010 at 15:17 | Report abuse |
    • Trishgal80

      Valerie~
      Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

      December 9, 2010 at 18:37 | Report abuse |
    • Deb

      I think it's funny how people generalize females vs males so much. My husband is HOT. I'm not a hot build but I can make up for it in performance and drive. I like it 3-7 times a day, every day. He likes it 1-2 times a week. I don't buy the "all guys do..." and "all women do..." We share pretty much everything in the house and trust each other with nearly everything. We are not perfect but when it comes to equality and rights and feminism, I don't look at it that way. I think my husband is the most attractive person on this earth and while I can get excited over the thought of another person, I still want only my husband. That is why I got married. To have sx with him silly and noone else (and yes, all the variety he can handle with just us). But he's not fully interested in that. It's puzzling to watch so many guys complain about their wives and sx and then to be the wife who would do virtually anything with/for her man as long as it stayed monogomous and be rejected. Sux.

      December 11, 2010 at 08:06 | Report abuse |
    • spikette

      how many times is she grabbing that v@brator when you go off to work? women cheat as much as men. recent study, women like variety MORE than men. why do you think you are all that? studies on s x are approached with preconceived, established concepts always repressing the woman and exploiting the mans s @x u a lity. will be interesting when we can get rid of the partiarchal restrictions in our studies. reality is presenting a different picture from what we are told. this bet of nonsense about regret after and inability for O with a one timer is garbage.

      December 11, 2010 at 10:22 | Report abuse |
    • D

      TK i,

      You write a generalization "men are dogs" based on your own personal assessment. I have to say I don't agree with your personal assessment, but I am offended that you would generalize your own lack of self-respect and sense of personal dignity to 1/2 the human species based on, ahhh, you and they share a member as part of your anatomy?

      What you said is that you have drives – meaning you are both a human and an animal – shocking – and that those drives do not always comport with your sense of decency.

      In other words, we are all tempted to cheat, lie, steal, etc ... but we don't always do so, because we think it isn't always right to do what we feel. We have scruples. You have them, so do the overwhelming majority of men.

      And, to your credit, despite having a drive and a temptation, you do not act on it, because it would hurt your wife.

      Far from making you a dog, that makes you a human being, and an honorable and commendable one at that.

      But it is not honorable for you to condemn the rest of mankind on account of your own failure to come to terms with the limits of your humanity. You are not a dog, and nor sir, are we.

      December 12, 2010 at 17:12 | Report abuse |
    • SAL

      you go boy.

      December 14, 2010 at 19:40 | Report abuse |
    • duetschevalkryie

      Well said Valerie!!

      December 20, 2010 at 19:36 | Report abuse |
    • Laugher

      And Valerie - you're silly to think that all men have fragile egos and can't imagine that their wives lust after other people. I'm sure she does, which is why I have no problem mentioning when I notice other hot women.

      LMAO

      January 3, 2011 at 13:03 | Report abuse |
  24. Dave

    You middle-aged players are sad. I'm 24 and married to a beautiful woman (who happens to be 25). One day you're gonna wake up and realize that your looks have faded, and you're gonna be alone...all alone. And then what? Then you get to spend the next 30-40 years of your life realizing that all the greatness of having a partner that shares more than just your bed has passed you by. And because I know you're gonna have some sorta smart comeback, try this on for size. My wife and I usually make love (not "fk") for sessions lasting at least an hour. Screw the gym, get outdoors, run (not jog) a few miles a day and watch your stamina skyrocket.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:49 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Greg

      Well said Dave. I'm 25, she's 26. I have to beat her off with a stick usually. All the fun in the world sucks when no one but yourself cares about it...family is where it always has been and always will be.

      December 9, 2010 at 14:13 | Report abuse |
    • Jason

      Dave, Congrats!! But, You should know that I'm 36 and all my friends that fell into your category are now divorced with baggage. I'm amazed at how high the numbers are. I always said I would wait until I found the right one that I was only doing it 1X. Yes, in the meantime I was a player and it's never been better than now. NEVER. Woman 20 and up know what they like. I once had a younger buddy call me out on dating younger woman when his 23 year old girlfriend turned and said you want John to date so and so? She looks like his mom... gross. I had the opportunity to be a professional player.. teaching men how to meet women. I did decide that when I met the right woman that was over. Surprisingly it hit me like a ton of bricks. So, I've choosen to heed your advice and married my 24 year old girlfriend. 😉 Just always work on communication, setting goals, and having fun.. you only get one ride... make sure it's awesome for both of you.

      December 9, 2010 at 16:12 | Report abuse |
    • GrammarGnatsie

      I must contest. Considering my life has been a second chance for the past year, I don't believe in "one and you're done". If I were to play the game until I'm 30 and balding, then that just means I'm a balding 30 year old looking for love; not uncommon. That doesn't make me any less likely to find that one and only girl I needed all along. People have found true happiness is a second marriage, or later. People have found true love as late as their 60's, but they found it.

      I mean, the average life expectancy is 77. Even at 38, statistically, we're not even half done! I say you're extremely lucky to find your soulmate before 35. I don't expect to. Really, I want discovering her to be a surprise. If we only get one soulmate, she'd break through any player ways. Offering my heart to every girl, always hoping... We all know how bad that hurts when it fails, and it fails everytime; it only works once, if you're lucky. I don't use girls. I don't hand out my emotions, either. I have fun, and what happens, happens. In my experience, that's about the best way to go about it.

      December 9, 2010 at 18:54 | Report abuse |
    • Joesph

      Wow you're so cool. I wish I was just like you.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:10 | Report abuse |
    • spikette

      wow, i appreciate healthy dave. you are the brilliant one on the thread. i come from a different perspective. when i was younger i had absolutely no desire to connect in a relationship, which of course made the men want just that. i didnt get it as i heard they all wanted no commitment, when the men i was friends with nag continually for that. when i did mature to relationship, it was the easiest thing in the world. i am saying, my views where always more in lined with men. a man took me from the view and showed me what i could have. 16 yrs later, and getting older.... you are right on with your insight. i hope as my boys walk into relationships they have the healthy perspective you have rather than the so sad perspective i see from so many men on this thread.

      December 11, 2010 at 10:27 | Report abuse |
    • Sabrina

      Ah...the arrogance of youth...

      December 12, 2010 at 20:10 | Report abuse |
    • King George

      Oh Dave, Dave, Dave...the innocence of youth. Buddy, I'm twenty-nine never married. At this age in my life my friends fall into two categories: they are either "recently married," or "recently divorced." I assume the "recently married," crowd by the time I hit forty will also fall into the category of, "recently divorced." However, I will remain the same–"never married."

      Here is why: If it's so good, the relationship I mean, why throw in economic and legal incentives to keep it going? To quote a comedian, "Baby this 's' is so good we have to get the lawyers and judges involved." Maybe it's because I have both a finance and legal background, I know that marriage is only beneficial to women.

      Here is why: suppose you are with your lady for more than ten years, after the tenth year she sleeps around with your best friend, you decide to go to court to get a divorce. Guess what? Regardless, you will owe her alimony for the rest of your life–alimony is giving her part of your income every month. Suppose also after you marry, she had not worked a day in her life. Guess what? Regardless, half of what you made from income and assets are hers anyway. Suppose you have children. Guess what? Not only are you paying child support, but more than likely you will get to see your kids on certain weekends and maybe some holidays.

      I tell this to my married friends who have not yet gotten a divorce and I ask them: a cost benefit analysis clearly shows this thing called marriage is in no way in your favor, hell you probably have better odds in Vegas, why did you get married. All of them say the same thing: I like the idea of having consistent tail. Then I look at their wife after marriage. They are fat. They have cut their hair short like a freakin' Marine. And I honestly look back at them and I say, "you really want to consistently nail that?"

      In my opinion, they're just lazy. I would much rather go out every weekend and hunt for hot chicks, risking the fact I might find none, then consistently trying to cajole an out of shape looking thing to sleep with me hopefully once a week.

      And as for dying old? Please buddy, there has to be more to the meaning of life than getting to old age. Suppose I do get there. I will most likely be suffering from profound Dementia if not Alzheimer: what the hell will I know? I probably won't even recognize myself in the mirror. Much less give an "s" about what some former beauty, now old hag, thinks about me.

      Please, buddy, learn to think rationally.

      December 12, 2010 at 21:57 | Report abuse |
    • rbnlegend

      Ahh the wisdom of youth. Let us know how it works out in 10, 15 years, Dave. One day, you will be middle aged too, and you may find that the things that seemed so simple when you were 24 aren't so easy anymore.

      December 13, 2010 at 07:39 | Report abuse |
    • Anonyomus

      You can only manage to make love for an hour? How long do you last having a good hard f k, five minutes? The time to settle down is when you're older. Youth is for trying everything on for size. You're the one that's going to regret it when you reach 40 and divorce, and realise you've lost your game!

      December 14, 2010 at 03:19 | Report abuse |
    • amy

      Dave its nice to see that not everyone is pathetically anti marriage these days. My husband and I are also in our mid-twenties. Relationships take work and most people just don't have the patience and drive to follow through. Life would not be as fulfilling without a partner to lean on and enjoy it with.

      December 19, 2010 at 01:02 | Report abuse |
    • Laugher

      @ "King" George:

      Great points, but there actually are some benefits for married men. First, if you have kids, you are much better off if you are married to your baby's mama. You are also more respected by society, because you had the balls to do what the vast majority of men are too chicken-s–t to do.

      Also...you must understand that a lot of men are stupid when it comes to women. We have a tendency to treat the good ones like crap, and marry the b's and w's. If you learn to marry Mary Ann and not Ginger - and treat her well once you have her - then divorce shouldn't be so much of a worry.

      Been with mine for seven years, and I couldn't be happier. And she's VERY hot, by the way.

      January 3, 2011 at 13:13 | Report abuse |
  25. Sara

    i must be a heartless b. i don't have to have any kind of emotional attatchment to any one. if i'm in the mood i'm going for it. always use protection, don't want to catch anything. i don't want to cuddle and i don't care if i see you again.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Steve

      Hey Sara, where are you from...shoot me a mail. I like your type

      December 9, 2010 at 13:00 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      @steve. in MO

      December 9, 2010 at 13:05 | Report abuse |
    • Greg

      Sara,

      grew up in STL area, now living in JC. Suddenly got really cold huh?

      December 9, 2010 at 14:20 | Report abuse |
    • Steve

      Sarar, I am from NJ. my mail: lankanyc@yahoo.com

      December 9, 2010 at 14:24 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      yeah it's been cold and will get colder. i'm up north in a small pos town.

      December 9, 2010 at 14:38 | Report abuse |
    • Greg

      Sorry to hear that. Never really been north of CoMo. Oh well. Enjoy your little pos town. They tend to have more charm as you get older...not that I am old. But I find I want to move back to smaller towns with more land as I age.

      December 9, 2010 at 14:44 | Report abuse |
    • GrammarGnatsie

      Sara, different strokes for different folks. Some guys want that kind of gal, some guys don't. Ultimately, you just gotta be happy.

      To everyone else... Well, it made me chuckle. Thanks, guys. Best of luck on... Whatever you hope happens.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:05 | Report abuse |
    • FYI

      freakey toney – I believe the only thing you broke was the longest line of BS posted in internet history. Besides that – it is possibly the grossest comment as well.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:51 | Report abuse |
    • Jimmy

      Hey Sara, we should hook up =). I visit northern Missouri often. Seriously email me at jimmynorthmo@binkmail.com or text me @ 415 894-5427.

      December 12, 2010 at 23:58 | Report abuse |
    • Lezy?

      Are you sure your not a lez sara? I was the same exact way until I came out. I have noticed that a lot with "straight" girls who mess around like "men" (I say that in quotes because I do not want to offend or generalize) they end up flamin lezies.

      December 13, 2010 at 12:11 | Report abuse |
    • Not Your Average Chick

      Guys are fools to think they are still in control of the s e x. I never go to a guy's home, cause I want to be able to tell him to leave when we are done. They are always shocked that they are being asked to leave. And no, I don't want their number either. It's definitely a women's world when it comes to s x. Most of my female friends operate the same way – we pick the guys we want to have s x with, we bring them home and we decide when it's time to leave – prefereably before morning.

      December 13, 2010 at 14:06 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      Nope. Just a horn dog with no emotions. Tried it with woman and it didn't really do it for me. Had phone though. 😉

      December 13, 2010 at 15:48 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      ROFL!! Fun not phone!!

      December 13, 2010 at 15:52 | Report abuse |
    • Anonmyous

      Women have needs and wants just as bad as men. Yah, we can get emotional with a guy, with me the right guy (being my boyfriend). But when I'm single, I'm single I live for me and only me and only care about me. I do what I want, I get what I want when I want. So, if men honestly think women these days can't be more like men, double check playas!! ha Because ya'll can be made a fool and not even know it!

      December 14, 2010 at 14:52 | Report abuse |
    • Laugher

      @Sara – your thread is the reason why I am very happy to be married and monogamous.

      January 3, 2011 at 13:20 | Report abuse |
  26. TK i

    I luv you Sara

    December 9, 2010 at 12:53 | Report abuse | Reply
    • freakey toney

      these fools talking about love. they will be the ones stalking and calling your phone. im going to give you something longer than a extension chord and AT&T. im the one that put the five dollar foot long out of business.

      December 9, 2010 at 17:34 | Report abuse |
  27. Ram it

    only get erections around woman they don't care about? just thinking of my wife gives me a chubby and i love her btw.

    December 9, 2010 at 12:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Betty

      Good for you. That's the way it should be!

      December 13, 2010 at 08:17 | Report abuse |
  28. just a man

    In the last decade most women have matured in relationships a lot. When ever I read articles about intimacy, it is always the women-this and the women-that. That is because it starts and ends with who "you" are as a person and how "you" react. Your partner can't change you as a person or direct you emotionally. As evidence of this article, women have a lot of hang ups, men don't. When it comes to the closest part of a relationship, intimacy – men want this more than women because men are deeper than women without having to "think about it" – true love and attraction should not require thought, and never does when it is right, remember that love and attraction is "unconditional". Women mask their lack of depth with walls/excuses of this-and-that instead of getting to the point. A man often, gets to the point. More women today, get to the point and men prefer that. Money and other things should never factor into love, and true feelings. Love is like no other emotion and is all emotions, because you cannot look at it and define it, that is why they say it is "deep and endless". I believe in love at first site, love is the only emotion that you can look back on and realize it later without explaining it specifically. Intimacy is tied to attraction and love, but you in-yourself, most people are untruthful with themselves in relationships and therefore are untruthful with their partner in that, this is the main problem. Many people miss out on great experiences because they are to hung-up on themselves, women more than men are like this.

    December 9, 2010 at 13:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Rose

      this goes along well with what I thought (scroll down to read it)

      December 9, 2010 at 15:34 | Report abuse |
    • Wendy Lynn

      Sounds like something out of a Ayn Rand book...

      December 11, 2010 at 10:27 | Report abuse |
  29. AJB

    Humans are capable of many reproductive strategies; both men and women. However, since we balance out at roughly 50% men and 50% women, socially humans are not stable without monogamy. Further, one has to look at the outcome that matters out of all this – children. Children that have both parents, usually married, are the most successful.

    December 9, 2010 at 13:03 | Report abuse | Reply
    • GrammarGnatsie

      Well, aren't you... Misled.

      Polygamy has been around for millenia (admittedly, not as long as monogamy; Gotta count one before you reach two). Children are, statistically, rarely the end result. And the 2.4 kids who grow up with happy mommy and daddy, Rover, and the plush green yard to play catch in... Are just more likely to be mentally stable. Often, what we grow up without defines what we succeed with in the future.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:12 | Report abuse |
    • Laugher

      Well, I'm very glad my son has two parents that love him and are there for him - just as I did. My parents have been married for 45 years. It hasn't always been peaches and cream for them, but they do love each other and did a great job raising their kids. Hands down, this is still the ideal situation, like it or not.

      January 3, 2011 at 14:21 | Report abuse |
  30. Billy

    Between AIDS and Abortion, Darwin will soon weed this lifestyle out.
    It is a fun lifestyle for a while, but not very smart.

    December 9, 2010 at 13:04 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sara

      it's called protection billy.

      December 9, 2010 at 13:06 | Report abuse |
    • Billy

      @ Sara – Protection is helpful, but not 100% reliable. There are also many factors such as alcohol, drugs, and stupidity that cause people not to use them. Condoms are fairly reliable overall, and most of the time the accidents that occur when condoms supposedly "break" are really from people that don't want to admit they chose not to use one.

      December 9, 2010 at 13:19 | Report abuse |
    • Andy

      You really think so? There are still people in Italy and Greece, and there was quite a bit of promiscuity in the Greek and Roman Empires. I'd say that's a couple of thousand years going against you. Monogamy is primarily something "churched" upon people from the feudal days. Oh, and if you like Biblical views...Abraham had children by different mothers...and his wife encouraged it.

      December 9, 2010 at 13:21 | Report abuse |
    • Billy

      @ Andy – Did you hear church or religion in my post? I said the word Darwin. They did not have AIDS or widespread abortion in ancient Greece or Rome either, and last time I checked those were both fallen empires. In the next 20 it will be interesting to see what happens to the populations of Africa and Asia. I also suspect AIDS will have a resurgence in the United States as people seem to have become less fearful of it.

      I do find it funny that the churchy people in the world that follow their moral beliefs well will likely be the ones favored to live by Natural Selection , I think they call that irony...

      December 9, 2010 at 13:46 | Report abuse |
    • Chris

      This lifestyle is what fuels Darwin and evolution Jkas. It's always existed and it isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

      December 11, 2010 at 10:15 | Report abuse |
    • Chris

      They didn't really have medicine or science to any real capacity in Greece either did they?

      December 11, 2010 at 10:16 | Report abuse |
    • Chris

      Oh... but good point on the irony. 🙂

      December 11, 2010 at 10:18 | Report abuse |
  31. Mom In AZ

    Uhhhhhh....purge...the article was written by a man....just sayin'

    December 9, 2010 at 13:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Mike

    KC, nice little diatribe, but what does your rant have to do with the subject at hand?

    December 9, 2010 at 13:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Mark

    KC, You were not in a marriage if he paid/ she paid is going on. Your one when you are married with one account. Then take a less paying job if it makes you happy.

    December 9, 2010 at 13:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Seriously, Mark?

    Umm.. Mark... welcome to 2010. Not everyone joins their finances together upon marriage anymore!

    December 9, 2010 at 13:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Greg

    @ seriously mark?

    Because people have no problem sleeping around, having kids with multiple people, not taking care of their bodies, etc...but no way am I sharing a bank account. How much can you actually love and trust a person if you can't even trust them to share in your finances?

    December 9, 2010 at 14:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. blah9999

    Ugh. I'm so sick of people comparing male s3x to female s3x. Besides arousal and orgasm, they're both completely different. And obviously the female orgasm is different than a males. It has nothing to do with how someone acts, it's just biologically how they are. "Should a man be more like a woman?" Let a man do his thing, and let the woman do her thing. Can't compare.

    December 9, 2010 at 14:24 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ram it

      amen to that

      December 9, 2010 at 14:29 | Report abuse |
  37. Melissa

    Why should we treat it like men do? BECAUSE MEN CAN'T GET PREGNANT.

    What a totally stupid idiotic article. The person that wrote this has a brain the size of a pea.

    December 9, 2010 at 14:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ram it

      you read it and commented...................

      December 9, 2010 at 14:30 | Report abuse |
    • Melissa

      Yes, I did. And its still a damned good point. Men can't get pregnant. Women can. Which is why women treat it differently.

      December 9, 2010 at 14:39 | Report abuse |
    • Valerie

      I agree with you Melissa. And a "Ram it" is obviously a man so what would he know? Not knocking men, but seriously. And you made a valid point. Also, some of these men acting like women are just "sport" to them, and "game to be caught" are disgusting. If SOME women want to be used like a toilet, that is their business but any decent woman would never allow this. There is a reason the population is close to 50/50........humans were NOT meant to be sleeping around. There is roughly one person for everyone.......

      December 9, 2010 at 14:53 | Report abuse |
    • Joesph

      Take your pill and shut it.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:12 | Report abuse |
    • GrammarGnatsie

      As far as the pregnancy issue, I think that's mostly the difference between him saying "But it feels SOOOO much better without one!" and her saying "I don't want a kid, you're gonna wear it". Her being able to become pregnant supercedes the issue of sensitivity. For him, he CAN be done and have zero concerns afterward, whether he suits up or not.

      Not saying it's fair, not validating either side of the arguement, but there should always be some respect and foresight in every encounter. Not being an idiot is a mutual responsibility.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:27 | Report abuse |
  38. YesMaam

    I agree w/ most of the points, but how do you explain the women who have had orgasms with me on our first time after barely knowing me. can't be love at that moment. Some women are very orgasmic, some need all kinds of conditions, and some are not orgasmic at all. and yes, wired differently with different goals than men

    December 9, 2010 at 14:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • RadTech01

      Very easy, they were faking. Really, you missed that? Ouch.

      December 9, 2010 at 14:50 | Report abuse |
    • Greg

      RadTech has a point...but at least they were nice enough to fake it.

      December 9, 2010 at 14:52 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      not all woman fake it. i never have and never will. so he might have pleased her. she could of loved ya for the moment and not for the night or life time. 🙂

      December 9, 2010 at 15:33 | Report abuse |
    • julie

      Yesmaam, I guess you never saw the movie "When harry Met Sally"...watch it

      December 9, 2010 at 17:04 | Report abuse |
    • YesMaam

      hahaa don't be mad, i also had many simultaneous and multiple orgasmic girlfriends. they must all be faking. hahaaa

      December 9, 2010 at 19:14 | Report abuse |
    • YesMaam

      well maybe not "many" but now that i think of it, about 10% multiply o, and less than that repeatedly simultaneous w/ me. Hard to find actually

      December 9, 2010 at 19:18 | Report abuse |
    • GrammarGnatsie

      There are too many stipulations to a female orgasm, and a gal's ability to have one. There is not bar set, no consitent trait to look for. There are trends, yes. The town bicycle, for example, probably does it so much because she REALLY enjoys it. The angelic love of your life who you mean the world to, may have childhood trauma that blocks deep sxual satisfaction.

      The proof is in the pudding on this matter. The only way to find out is to roll up the sleeves and put in the work.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:34 | Report abuse |
    • Betty

      I agree with YesMaam. Some women are very orgasmic. Me, for instance. Never had a problem. I have had men who were terrible in bed, or too drunk, but mostly I work first time, every time. I have had orgasms with a man I don't like and I've had orgasms with my husband when I am really mad at him. Ten minutes afterwards when the hormones start wearing off, I'll even remember why I was mad. Your own ideas say that women are a particular way and because that's what you expect, that's what you get; when in fact women are individuals. Just like men. Go figure!

      December 13, 2010 at 08:10 | Report abuse |
    • Katie

      With my current boyfriend, I had an orgasm with him the very first time we had sx. With others before him, it took me a while, and I think it was because I hadn't yet figured out how to get the guy to hit my "spot." Once I figured that out, I realized that I could have an orgasm whenever I wanted, as long as we are positioned right and I'm in control.

      December 22, 2010 at 21:57 | Report abuse |
  39. Regis

    Interesting how this thread has gotten off topic, but I'll join in. I've been married now 45 years – we have one checking account we share, savings accounts we share. The accounts are ours – not his 'n hers – we are transparent about expenses. We always discuss any major purchase, and make a collective decision. A really big purchase we bring in our (adult) children.
    I'm done, sorry.

    December 9, 2010 at 14:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. RadTech01

    I met my wife while stopping by her dorm on the way to a party. Our first date was to my fraternity house's alumni party. No, we didn't do anything that we shouldn't have that first night, or the next or even the next week. My point is, it doesn't matter where you meet someone, take them for your first date, etc. If you only look in certain places for Mr./Mrs "Right," then you'll probably miss them.

    Happy hunting.

    December 9, 2010 at 14:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Liz

    The article fails to mention that the more partners a woman has had, the less oxytocin she releases during orgasm. In other words, she stops having feelings of attachment for the guys she's with. That starts making casual relations pretty easy.

    December 9, 2010 at 15:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Valerie

      "Yeah" just ask Sara who is up there bragging on herself..............probably has "had" half the Southwest by now!

      December 9, 2010 at 15:20 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      Valerie don't be such a prude. to each their own girl.

      December 9, 2010 at 15:38 | Report abuse |
    • Valerie

      Sorry Sara, I was trying to be funny, but the written word doesn't come across quite right.....I'm just being silly!

      December 9, 2010 at 15:44 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      it's all good Valerie. 🙂

      December 9, 2010 at 16:36 | Report abuse |
    • Tee

      Liz, nice how you make this assertion about oxytocin, and then completely fail to back it up with any citation of a scientific paper or study. Way to spread misinformation.

      December 9, 2010 at 19:03 | Report abuse |
    • do your own research

      @Tee

      Liz is not responsible for educating you......if you believe stuff on a newsblog without researching it for yourself that's your own stupidity.

      December 9, 2010 at 21:13 | Report abuse |
  42. Tee

    I have had some casual fun with guys I've met on craigslist. There are a lot of jerks, but there are some decent people too. And I've met some really, really bright guys who ANY woman would want to date.

    December 9, 2010 at 15:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Tee

    Those of you who blame feminism for moral decline, well, you're idiots. I totally agree with KC: women used to stay in bad marriages because they didn't have viable alternatives. Not because they were more moral than women are now.

    December 9, 2010 at 15:32 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Gfreas

    And it's funny: the women think they're achieving some sort of equality, when all they are getting is used.

    December 9, 2010 at 16:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Betty

      Who is using whom? Does a woman have to hold out for a long term contract with a mortgage and two cars in order to not be "used"? Or maybe she just wants to have a fun weekend and then go back to work herself, for her own reasons. Sounds to me like you have no idea what equality is.

      December 13, 2010 at 08:06 | Report abuse |
  45. bob

    So many women.

    So little time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    December 9, 2010 at 16:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Katie

      Like! haha

      December 22, 2010 at 21:55 | Report abuse |
  46. freakey toney

    the woman in the picture has a pretty mouth

    December 9, 2010 at 16:23 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Do I hear banjo music....

      Freakey Toney do you play the banjo????

      December 13, 2010 at 12:31 | Report abuse |
  47. Gfreas

    Women can act like men, but I've never met any who has the s3x drive that a man has. Oh, sure, some women like s3x, but men have such a drive, that most of us will have s3x with any woman who will have us. And we're ready to go any time. It becomes an obsession with us.

    This whole equality nonsense of women has only worked to the benefit of guys: easy s3x that they used to have to wine and dine to get. The women get used, the guys get what they want/need.

    December 9, 2010 at 16:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • julie

      AND THAT is where these young women screw up these days...ladies, men WILL pay for it, so why give it up for free?

      December 9, 2010 at 17:06 | Report abuse |
  48. freakey toney

    and I bet you Sara got that killer. I know it stink, and if it dont stink its not any good.

    December 9, 2010 at 16:34 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sara

      lol you're cracking me up!

      December 9, 2010 at 16:39 | Report abuse |
    • Sara

      ... btw, I am a MAN! don't tell anyone... OOPS!

      December 10, 2010 at 02:34 | Report abuse |
  49. Dr. Ruth

    Women are women, and men are men.

    The zionist press needs to stop trying to turn women against their natural selves, thus leading to sickness of every kind, mental, physical, and spiritual. Leave our women alone!

    December 9, 2010 at 17:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. freakey toney

    @dr ruth

    you saying all that now. But when them legs in there its a different story. you not going to talk me to death.. you going to get in there and take this meat.. and im not talking about hamburger helper

    December 9, 2010 at 17:36 | Report abuse | Reply
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