 |
|
|
|
|
November 18th, 2010
08:21 AM ET
The Sexpert: Memo to women: Please stop faking!
As a sex therapist, my profession often makes for interesting, and sometimes awkward, dinner conversation. Not too long ago I was at a cocktail party, when a woman in her mid-30s descended upon me. “Quick” she said in hushed tones, “My husband’s getting me a drink. We only have a few seconds. How do I get him to read your book, ‘She Comes First,’ without hurting his feelings?” But before I could respond, or even think about my response, her husband sauntered over, draped his arm around her shoulder and chimed in, “Hey, you’re the guy who writes those sex books, right? I have just one question for you: why didn’t you pick me to be your co-author? I could have given you some secrets – right honey?” We all laughed, and as I made awkward eye contact with the wife, it was clear that she was the one with the real secret and it was going to stay that way. And she’s not alone. According to the recently published National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior 85 percent of men said that their partner had experienced an orgasm during their most recent sexual event, while only 64 percent of women reported actually having had an orgasm. The implication: Lots of women are faking it—and getting away with it. And as we know from the famous “I’ll have what she’s having” scene in "When Harry Met Sally," men are easily hoodwinked. But yet for all our “orgasmic naiveté,” men are often the first to be blamed as the source of such female fraudulence. On a recent episode of “The Joy Behar Show” titled, “Is There an Orgasm Gap?” the general consensus among the all-female panel was that men need to be better educated about female sexuality, and that faking is a necessary byproduct of the male ego and protecting a guy’s self-esteem. Personally, I don’t buy it. If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? If a woman fakes it and her partner thinks she is actually enjoying the sex, is her dissatisfaction really heard? Don’t get me wrong: As a sex and relationships counselor I’m all for education. I do believe that men get too many of their ideas about female sexuality from porn. There’s no shortage of legitimate reasons why a woman might not experience an orgasm during sex. “Find me a women’s magazine whose cover doesn’t include screaming headlines about the 764 varieties of orgasm every woman is supposed to be having each time she has sex,” writes my colleague Emily Nagoski in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms. “In reality, life gets in the way—stress, depression, anxiety, body image, performance anxiety (women get it too), sleep deprivation, feeling rushed (women average roughly 10-30 minutes to orgasm), all interfere with orgasm. So sometimes women fake it.” But is Emily justified in justifying the occasional “fake-out”? According to her, faking isn’t evil; it’s often a well-intentioned safeguard for her partner’s ego. “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship—her body needs time to learn to trust a new partner and to relax into the knowledge that he accepts and appreciates her body,” she writes. “At the same time, if a woman likes her partner, she wants him to feel good about the relationship. If orgasm is a way she can show him she’s enjoying it, but orgasm just isn’t there for her yet, faking it is a completely viable option—as long as it doesn’t become a habit.” I have always tended to agree with Emily (and scores of other professionals) on the legitimacy of the occasional fake-out, but with this latest study it seems that faking has become the little white lie that’s amounted to a culturally accepted form of deception. So I’m reversing my opinion: Faking every now and then is not OK. Sure, talking about sex can be difficult; sure it’s easier to spare one’s feelings; and sure there are men who will respond defensively—but none of that actually justifies lying. Every time a woman fakes it for a legitimate reason, she undermines that legitimacy and loses an opportunity to communicate with her partner and deepen his understanding of their relationship. And remember, ladies, what goes around comes around. As I wrote last week for this blog, more and more men are faking it too. So instead of faking it, let’s talk about sex. It isn’t always easy, but, in the end, not talking about sex is even harder. And for all the moaning and groaning, faking the big O is just a big conversation-stopper. Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed. soundoff (1,054 Responses)« Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Next »Leave a Reply to The Stranger
Next entry »How can I keep my weight loss off?
« Previous entryWhat causes new blockages to form so quickly?
|
  About this blog
Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.
 |
|
|
|
Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, and retweets? SMM Supreme uses his own panel system to generate social media traffic to any website. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes: $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers: $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Payeer Deposit – Automatic order processing – 30 minutes to send to customers
https://bit.ly/2Hnl7vE
Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, and retweets? SMM Supreme uses his own panel system to generate social media traffic to any website. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes: $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers: $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Payeer Deposit – Automatic order processing – 30 minutes to send to customers
https://bit.ly/3iVO2Vh
Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, subscribers? Our Company provide SMM Services that means (Social Media Marketing) that is directly using social network websites such as Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn to promote a website. High Quality Services / Our prices are the cheapest in the market, starting at $0.01 / 24/7 Support / API Support for panel leaders / Best prices
https://bit.ly/3iYGuRO
Hi! This post couldn't be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
https://Dreamproxies.com/free-proxies-and-discounts
https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/
Earn 500 a Day With Our Passive Income System Doing These 3 Steps: Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Setup your Paypal account. Step 3: Run our Unlimited Traffic System from our Free 850 sources of traffic and start earning your income in same day. More info: https://warriorplus.com/o2/a/gp8vk/0
https://bitly.com/2qChAkX
Thanks , I have recently been looking for info about this subject for a while and
yours is the greatest I have discovered till now.
But, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you sure
concerning the source?
Earn $200/Day With Our Secret Passive Income System – Best Autopilot income system 2021
http://makedollarstoday.landingbit.com/magickfunnels
I dugg some of you post as I cerebrated they were handy very useful
https://dreamproxies.com/buy-shared-proxies/
I will drive 20000 google organic visitors using targeted keywords: https://www.seoclerk.com/Traffic/833336/I-will-drive-20000-google-organic-visitors-using-targeted-keywords
https://www.seoclerk.com/Link-Building/842132/500000-Scrapebox-Blast-Live-SEO-blog-Comment-Backlinks
Spot on with this write-up, I truly think this website wants far more consideration. I’ll in all probability be again to read rather more, thanks for that info.
https://dreamproxies.com/buy-proxies/5000-private-proxies
Best Marketing Services – Cheapest on Market. SMM Supreme is the Top 5 Best Social Media Website in the World. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714,928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes for $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers for $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Bitcoin Deposit – Fast order processing – 1 Hour Delivery Our Website: https://smmsupreme.com/services
https://bit.ly/3iVO2Vh
61av3 86xzc xbrb
Having read this I thought it was really informative. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this content together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worth it!
http://bit.ly/Okinawa-weight-loss-tonic-2021
It's actually a nice and helpful piece of info. I am happy that you shared this useful information with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.
https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/
https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/
Excellent post. I will be dealing with many of these issues as well..
http://www.apulia-property.com/property-sale/property-apulia-foto.php?id=300&foto=3&return=https://meganleary.com
This blog was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Thanks a lot!
http://aprt.org/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=wildwestlifttrucks.com/newport-beach-forklifts/
http://f001.sublimestore.jp/trace.php?pr=default&aid=1&drf=13&bn=1&rd=https://ocrvcenter.com/class-6-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me/
Spot on with this write-up, I actually believe this site needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the advice!
http://www.meinvz.net/Link/Dereferrer/?http://where2go.com/binn/b_search.w2g?function=detail&type=quick&listing_no=1684182&_UserReference=7F0000014654FC1E2866117A9A7859ED3998/
https://local.google.ae/url?rct=i&sa=t&url=https://fleetrepairshops.com
https://google.com.na/url?sa=t&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Fmenmastermind.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg
https://images.google.im/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Faikareborn.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg
https://cse.google.com.lb/url?rct=t&sa=t&url=https://realchrisburns.com
I love it whenever people get together and share ideas. Great website, stick with it!
https://clients1.google.cf/url?sa=j&rct=j&url=https://mastermindformen.com
Greetings! Very useful advice within this post! It is the little changes that make the greatest changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!
http://www.enschederamp.nl/links/jump.php?url=https://commercialvanrepairshop.com
Having read this I thought it was extremely informative. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this informative article together. I once again find myself personally spending way too much time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!
https://www.photogorky.ru/redirect.php?redirection_goes_to=https://optometristphoenixaz.com
https://images.google.com.tr/url?sa=i&source=web&rct=j&url=https3A2F2Ffleetservicesocrv.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGaY_nlK9ozc51fqwjiVdMaYZL7rg
You have made some good points there. I checked on the net to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.
http://centroarts.com/go.php?https://www.paradisepoolnspa.com
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after looking at many of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Regardless, I’m definitely pleased I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!
https://images.google.com.sa/url?rct=i&sa=t&url=https://fleetservicesorangecounty.com
https://demos.9lessons.info/url.php?url=https://www.eyedoctorphoenixaz.com
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve visited this web site before but after browsing through some of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m certainly pleased I came across it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back often!
http://old.kob.su/url.php?url=http://www.ocrvandtrucks.com
https://salda.ws/video.php?id=_qnJqq03occ
https://krivoruky.ru/tv.php?c=UVAfKfhBrXE
https://plus.google.com/url?q=https://howtobrews.com
This is a topic that's close to my heart... Best wishes! Exactly where are your contact details though?
http://promotion.wisecart.ne.jp/case/case_link.asp?bId=1299&url=https://www.theocrv.com34zxVq8
After exploring a handful of the blog articles on your site, I really like your technique of blogging. I added it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Please visit my website as well and let me know how you feel.
https://map.google.cz/url?sa=i&url=https://commercialforklifts.com
http://www.tacoqueen.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.forkliftrentalsnearme.com
http://www.ritmoflow.com/?videos=Dance&v=1HedKj07rg4
https://map.google.sh/url?sa=i&url=https://howtobrews.com
Hi there! This blog post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept preaching about this. I'll send this information to him. Fairly certain he'll have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!
http://earthsciencescanada.com/modules/babel/redirect.php?newlang=en_us&newurl=http://www.postfallsnutrition.com
Great article! We will be linking to this great content on our website. Keep up the great writing.
http://wwqw.you2repeat.com/watch/?v=mgWmSOmyQ2c
After exploring a handful of the articles on your site, I seriously appreciate your way of blogging. I book-marked it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back soon. Take a look at my web site as well and let me know how you feel.
http://ilbery.co.uk/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com
http://drlaurafamily.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvcenter.com
Can I just say what a comfort to discover someone that really knows what they're discussing on the internet. You actually know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More people really need to look at this and understand this side of your story. It's surprising you are not more popular since you most certainly possess the gift.
http://www.piratatuga.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com
https://www.pendletonconsulting.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com
Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular article! It's the little changes which will make the most significant changes. Thanks for sharing!
http://www.wonderfullywacky.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com
https://footscannersupport.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com
Next time I read a blog, I hope that it does not fail me just as much as this particular one. After all, Yes, it was my choice to read through, but I really thought you'd have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something you could fix if you weren't too busy looking for attention.
http://globalhealthcarepartners.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com
http://childcareusa.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com