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November 18th, 2010
08:21 AM ET

The Sexpert: Memo to women: Please stop faking!

As a sex therapist, my profession often makes for interesting, and sometimes awkward, dinner conversation. Not too long ago I was at a cocktail party, when a woman in her mid-30s descended upon me. “Quick” she said in hushed tones, “My husband’s getting me a drink. We only have a few seconds. How do I get him to read your book, ‘She Comes First,’ without hurting his feelings?”

But before I could respond, or even think about my response, her husband sauntered over, draped his arm around her shoulder and chimed in, “Hey, you’re the guy who writes those sex books, right? I have just one question for you: why didn’t you pick me to be your co-author? I could have given you some secrets – right honey?” We all laughed, and as I made awkward eye contact with the wife, it was clear that she was the one with the real secret and it was going to stay that way.  And she’s not alone.

According to the recently published National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior 85 percent of men said that their partner had experienced an orgasm during their most recent sexual event, while only 64 percent of women reported actually having had an orgasm. The implication: Lots of women are faking it—and getting away with it.  And as we know from the famous “I’ll have what she’s having” scene in "When Harry Met Sally," men are easily hoodwinked.

But yet for all our “orgasmic naiveté,” men are often the first to be blamed as the source of such female fraudulence. On a recent episode of “The Joy Behar Show” titled, “Is There an Orgasm Gap?” the general consensus among the all-female panel was that men need to be better educated about female sexuality, and that faking is a necessary byproduct of the male ego and protecting a guy’s self-esteem.

Personally, I don’t buy it. If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? If a woman fakes it and her partner thinks she is actually enjoying the sex, is her dissatisfaction really heard?

Don’t get me wrong: As a sex and relationships counselor I’m all for education. I do believe that men get too many of their ideas about female sexuality from porn. There’s no shortage of legitimate reasons why a woman might not experience an orgasm during sex. “Find me a women’s magazine whose cover doesn’t include screaming headlines about the 764 varieties of orgasm every woman is supposed to be having each time she has sex,” writes my colleague Emily Nagoski in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms. “In reality, life gets in the way—stress, depression, anxiety, body image, performance anxiety (women get it too), sleep deprivation, feeling rushed (women average roughly 10-30 minutes to orgasm), all interfere with orgasm. So sometimes women fake it.”

But is Emily justified in justifying the occasional “fake-out”?

According to her, faking isn’t evil; it’s often a well-intentioned safeguard for her partner’s ego. “A woman is less likely to have orgasms early in a relationship—her body needs time to learn to trust a new partner and to relax into the knowledge that he accepts and appreciates her body,” she writes. “At the same time, if a woman likes her partner, she wants him to feel good about the relationship. If orgasm is a way she can show him she’s enjoying it, but orgasm just isn’t there for her yet, faking it is a completely viable option—as long as it doesn’t become a habit.”

I have always tended to agree with Emily (and scores of other professionals) on the legitimacy of the occasional fake-out, but with this latest study it seems that faking has become the little white lie that’s amounted to a culturally accepted form of deception.

So I’m reversing my opinion: Faking every now and then is not OK. Sure, talking about sex can be difficult; sure it’s easier to spare one’s feelings; and sure there are men who will respond defensively—but none of that actually justifies lying. Every time a woman fakes it for a legitimate reason, she undermines that legitimacy and loses an opportunity to communicate with her partner and deepen his understanding of their relationship.

And remember, ladies, what goes around comes around. As I wrote last week for this blog, more and more men are faking it too. So instead of faking it, let’s talk about sex. It isn’t always easy, but, in the end, not talking about sex is even harder. And for all the moaning and groaning, faking the big O is just a big conversation-stopper.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.


soundoff (1,053 Responses)
  1. David

    She is an ex stripper turned college professor. Your imagination will most likely match reality. I love watching her flirt with guys, girls anyone. She is so dang hot and confident.

    November 18, 2010 at 15:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. whambam

    I couldn't care less if she's satisfied. It IS all about ME.

    November 18, 2010 at 15:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • andrea Laird

      Somehow I doubt that's led you to a meaningful relationship. lol. Hey it's all a personal preference though I suppose.

      November 18, 2010 at 15:56 | Report abuse |
    • Female

      Watch out, karma is a real bitch. 😉

      November 18, 2010 at 16:15 | Report abuse |
    • E

      women talk to each other, remember that they will be sure to tell their friends that you are only in it for yourself, on the other hand, if you rock her world, they will also hear about it, and as a result, the men who are good are rarely without partners. Being selfish ultimately only hurts yourself, unless you want all your money to be spent on women who will fake it for money.

      November 18, 2010 at 19:28 | Report abuse |
  3. Drewski44

    This isn't too bad of an article. All im really gettin is she wants to get boned longer...thats fine.

    November 18, 2010 at 15:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Bravo

    Who cares? A man is in it too "win" it. If the females reaches orgasm as well, great, if not, great. I don't think men in general really care so long as they get their rocks off. So, women should stop faking it,...doesn't help the woman any,...be real, tell the guy to go down and stay down until you're satisfied.

    November 18, 2010 at 15:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • andrea Laird

      As far as casual sex I think you're right about a man's mentality...you are a man I'm guess, haha. But, in my experience in my relationship with my man he really does care if I get there too...it makes him feel good I think when he does that. He's told me before that it makes it better for him if I orgasm first actually...so...I don't know, I don't think that's entirely accurate. It also matters from man to man I guess too...I just found a really great sexual partner as well as my best friend in life. 🙂 And, you're right, as I said earlier, women need to quite dogging on men if they're not going to tell them what it is they want and just fake! I find it's much more satisfying to just be open and honest about your needs, in all areas.

      November 18, 2010 at 16:01 | Report abuse |
    • Bravo

      Andrea, you are correct, I am a man and unlike most men, I care. I always take it upon myself to please the woman first, no matter how long it takes, before thinking of myself, but that is just me. Most guys that I know don't really care one way or the other. Women simply need to be honest with themselves,...but really, I think that women fake it, or at least my wife would, to make me feel better. It is the same as a fat woman coming to you and asking you if she looks fat in something. You can say yes and hurt their feelings or fake it and lie to them and let them go on believing they are super hot when their not. Women, don't worry about about a guys feelings,...if it really wants to please you and his feeling are really hurt by your lack of orgasm, he will seek out how to do the right thing,...he will talk to you. Otherwise, keep on faking and the guy will always think he is the bomb and you will ultimately find someone behind is back that actually does get it done.

      November 18, 2010 at 16:25 | Report abuse |
  5. Lesley

    I never fake it and if I don't orgasm with my partner I tell him and get a toy out to finish the job!!!!

    November 18, 2010 at 16:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mike

      Try starting with the toy.

      November 18, 2010 at 16:05 | Report abuse |
    • Master Debater

      Hey Lesley, Does that Jackhammer require a 12 volt battery to kick start it? I'm just asking 😉

      November 18, 2010 at 16:08 | Report abuse |
  6. Master Debater

    If you I'm in Love with you I'll put in the extra time, but If I'm in lust with you all bets are off, first one done wins! 😉

    November 18, 2010 at 16:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. NotMyRealName

    1. learn what your partner likes. I've had some who could only orgasm by hand, other's by tongue etc
    2. Do it – but not always in the same sequence or same place or same time.
    3. If you are doing it correctly, it is usually easy to tell when the big O comes around (the viscosity of the fluid is different etc.and afterwards, a slight touch will get a big jerk as if you are hitting her with a low voltage cattle prod. (I've never known a woman who wasn't hyper-sensative after climaxing)
    And for the men...If he's having trouble...get manual or oral...ladies, if your mouth is full, he aint faking.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. David

    I am in Corpus Christi TEXAS master(blaster)debater. It is 3:08 here and she called and said it was nice. Unfortunately I didn't get any of the psychic energy from it. Alas, I will have to wait til I get home. We got a good run going this month. Twice a day for almost two weeks in a row now. Once we went a whole two weeks ( in a row ) without sex. She was in Europe though, so I don't count that.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Chris

    the deal is: people need to start getting back to 4-play and lots of it.

    women need to understand that if they want the long hard one, they need to stimulate the man to a point where he is really stimulated (that means oral ladies, oral that isn't lackluster or a bunch of finger gymnastics). also fer crissake tell the man what you like and how, show him if you have to. women just lie back and expect men to read their minds... just being naked and willing to have sex isn't enough for some guys, remember when you used to make out and pet and the guy was spotted and heavy turned on? go back to enjoying each other not a day at the races!

    November 18, 2010 at 16:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. StopGo

    There are too many big mouthed boys on here stating that they don't care and just want to get their rocks off. Every last one of you needs to be disciplined. Some women don't care if you like it or not – just be good, lie there, and let us use you. Sass too much and get your face slapped.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:10 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Selfish Lover

      What are you doing on this message board ? Shouldnt you be in the kitchen ?

      November 18, 2010 at 19:09 | Report abuse |
  11. David

    I like you Mike, like your way of thinking. Start with the toy, you too cool homie.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Lesley

    Starting, during or ending with toy's.....whatever feels good.....some days you just need that little extra!!!!!

    November 18, 2010 at 16:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. TerribleLaugher

    My wife tells me straight up if she didn't get there. I'm thinking it's because 1) my ego is not hurt by it, because I don't EXPECT to make her come every time, 2) she doesn't feel the need to come every time, and 3) she is comfortable with masturbation - a major factor in whether a woman can achieve overall sexual satisfaction.

    I'm more interested in whether it was good for her or not. She still insists it is good every time, whether she orgasms or not, and she will tell me if there's something she wants me to do differently. Now maybe she's lying about it being good - but I think that's unlikely, since we still like to do the do almost daily.

    Ladies, seriously - don't preach honesty to your man if you can't be honest yourself. This definitely is one of those things that falls into that category. And the longer you're with a guy, the greater the chance that he will sniff out a lie. A part of the problem is that many women underestimate men's intelligence.

    As for the women that claim they come every time - you are a part of a blessed minority, so be grateful! I have actually dated a couple of you, but obviously that wasn't enough to keep the relationship going. 🙂

    November 18, 2010 at 16:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. Female

    Why would a guy fake it?? I just make him pull out before hand, so if he's faking it, I definitely know! Girls, stop faking it, tell the truth. I do. If he isn't doing it for me, its his own fault, and if I have too much on my mind then I'll tell him, its my fault. ALSO men, we are different then you, we don't need have an orgasm to enjoy sex, period.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. David

    StopGo, me and the wife ( i have a feeling) would really get along well with you. She would be quite attentive to your needs as well. Lovely lady my wife, so easy to be faithful to her.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. JARAD

    If a woman fakes it she is contributing to her own problem. Why am I as a guy going to change how I have sex if I think she has aan orgasm when we have sex. If you are to embarassed to talk about sex then you are to imature to have sex.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Travis

    Catching your wife faking it should be liegitimate grounds for divorce. It's a lie, a deception, that leads to marriage problems because the physical aspect is only one sided. If a woman I was with faked it and I found out, I would kick her out immediately and never see her again. Sex isn't about ego, its supposed to be about sharing something together. If one half of the make-up is being ridiculous and putting on a show of it, all you're sharing is a falsehood.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:18 | Report abuse | Reply
    • E

      You talk a big game about ego, but you are probably the guy who only knows fake because you are too full of yourself to pay attention to what she is trying to tell you. If she is faking it, it is because YOU are not able to get her there and then get screaming, pouty and whiny at any woman who tries to tell you that you are doing anything wrong.

      November 18, 2010 at 19:23 | Report abuse |
  18. RM2020

    You guys know how to tell if a woman if faking it, right? WHO CARES?

    November 18, 2010 at 16:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Lesley

    Hey Master Debater i was just thinking the same thing about your jackhammer:)

    November 18, 2010 at 16:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Master Debater

      Okay Lesley, I must admit it, that made me laugh! 😉

      November 18, 2010 at 16:22 | Report abuse |
  20. Paul

    Just get high as a kite with your spouse and have sex. Almost a sure thing that all will be right in their world...Stoned sex is the best sex...

    November 18, 2010 at 16:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. David

    Hey Lesley, did I grow up next door to you in Houston? If so, thanks for taking me in the closet that day. I know I was scared and tried to bolt on ya but I was only 9. None the less, thanks, things have only gotten better since then. BTW, I really enjoyed playin' tea with you whether we went in the closet or not.
    I've always wondered though, where did you come up with the idea? Watchin' your older sister? or did it just come natural to you?

    November 18, 2010 at 16:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Master Debater

      🙂 LOL 🙂

      November 18, 2010 at 16:31 | Report abuse |
  22. numbnut

    I would like to paraphrase Elaine Betis, "Fake, fake, fake, fake..."

    November 18, 2010 at 16:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Jeff

    Tip: Go pick up "Sheet Music" by Dr. Kevin Leeman (http://www.amazon.com/Sheet-Music-Uncovering-Intimacy-Marriage/dp/0842360247). It's a great book to help with communication.

    Women are being terribly short-sighted by faking it. True satisfaction comes from a lifetime relationship built around trust. How can you have trust if, during the most intimate part of your relationship, you are faking? Trust is all-encompassing. As a man, I'd rather know if my wife did or did not have an O. Of course, it's ALWAYS preferable that she has one, but heck... we all hit "down" moments. The sad part is our society is so built up around the end result, that we often miss the beauty of the path that is taken in getting there.

    For men, an O/intercourse is largely a physical act, and therefore less of a problem for most men to have an O. For women, it's typically more of a psychological thing. Unfortunately for men, women expect men to be more observant during intercourse than we typically are.

    Women, if you want to have a/have a better O, start talking. If the guy truly cares, he'll listen – no matter how uncomfortable.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Viz

    faking it is wrong. it's the same as lying and is self defeating.

    IMHO a lot of guys think that the right way to have sex is the jack-hammer thrusting they see in porn. Women are like wow this isn't doing it for me but he's trying real hard, I don't want to make him feel bad. Honesty is much better. "I don't like that, try this...."

    I've taken my girlfriend to the point where she's shaking and can't talk by barely moving and hitting the right spot tantric style and grinding. I do the jack hammer thing to get myself off, but not til I'm sure she's got what she needs. Indra mentioned cunnilingus and I have to agree. That never hurts. My girlfriend tells me to get off when she's done and can't take any more, I flip her over hit it from behind and I'm done in no time. Variety is a good thing. Try something different if sex seems boring and short. I thought my gf was multi-o but it turns out it's one big long one once I get her started.

    Communication, Cunnilingus, Consideration. For men remember the 3 c's and your lady will give you whatever you want in bed. If you give it you'll get it back with enthusiasm as long as the relationship is otherwise healthy. Nothing is sexier to a woman than sincerely caring about her sexual needs and listening, then making something happen as a result.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Master Debater

    Okay, going to be serious for just a second…..The article failed to mentioned that more often than not if she finishes before the male, her sexual interest will decline and fade and you'll notice her desire to get your butt off of her… ;(

    November 18, 2010 at 16:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. David

    Jeez, StopGo, I keep re-reading the part where you talk about slappin' the sh$t out of 'em.
    I like that alot. Too much to be mentally healthy in fact.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Touche

    Quick, how do you tell if a woman is faking an orgasm?

    WHO CARES!!??

    November 18, 2010 at 16:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Master Debater

      that made me laugh! 🙂

      November 18, 2010 at 16:35 | Report abuse |
  28. David

    Sorry masterdebater, never had that experience. The only time they told me to stop was hours later because they were sore and it was starting to hurt somewhat. Some said they just couldn't nut again but they were always wrong.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:32 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Master Debater

      Whent I grow up I wanna be just like you David, you're my hero! 🙂

      November 18, 2010 at 16:34 | Report abuse |
  29. Master Debater

    the girl of my dreams ( @ ) ^ ( @ ) 😉

    November 18, 2010 at 16:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. dsdadd

    04560669

    November 18, 2010 at 16:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Nate S.

    Just lather 'em up downstairs with some good oral and you won't have to worry about her faking.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:37 | Report abuse | Reply
    • TerribleLaugher

      Exactly. The few times she didn't come was when I didn't go down - but that's always because either she didn't want me to, or it was not...er...appropriate...

      November 18, 2010 at 16:50 | Report abuse |
    • Master Debater

      Hey TerribleLaugher, Are you saying you haven't earned your "RED WINGS" yet? 😉

      November 18, 2010 at 17:04 | Report abuse |
  32. dsdadd

    yok

    November 18, 2010 at 16:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Master Debater

    She said "Is it in yet?" I replied "Is in, I'm done!" 😉

    November 18, 2010 at 16:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Michelle

    Unfortunatley, I have always faked it. I can never seem to reach that peak when I'm with a partner.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Translation

      Sucks to be you, then.

      November 18, 2010 at 16:59 | Report abuse |
  35. David

    You from Cali MasterBlaster. Everyone knows y'all the coolest homies in the states. Us Texans are just psychos. We take everything to excess.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Master Debater

      Now we all know Texans now how to have a good time, I'm in Orange County California, The Land of the "Fake Boobies".....Here's typical conversation excuse Miss, are those your boobs? She Replies " Yes, they are, I paid for them" 🙂

      November 18, 2010 at 16:54 | Report abuse |
  36. David

    That just makes me wanna cry michelle. Really it does. Hey, at least you got yourself and with phone books going out of style you can let your fingers do the walking in other ways.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Rob

    Men generally suck at foreplay. They figure that if a woman's letting them see them naked, that there must be some sort of race against the clock in order to get finished. It's like a family vacation where you drive a long distance to some park vs going to the park down the street. Sometimes the long journey helps build the excitement which is part of enjoying the moment. It's like savoring a glass of wine vs guzzling it.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Elwood

    What about faking it when you masturbate? I fool myself every time....

    November 18, 2010 at 16:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Translation

    Note to women: WE DON'T CARE IF YOU FAKE IT; YOU'RE JUST CHEATING YOURSELVES.

    November 18, 2010 at 16:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Fuyuko

    Sexpert: Just learn to do decent foreplay and women won't fake. Personally, faking it does the relationship no good. If a guy doesn't know how to please you he should be shown. If he doesn't care, find another dude.

    November 18, 2010 at 17:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. toolttime

    Women fake it cause they think we care.

    November 18, 2010 at 17:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. durox

    i didnt read the thing, but i subscribe to the title!! on general terms.. ;];]

    November 18, 2010 at 17:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. David B

    If you love like we are capable of loving who would even consider faking it............I have always felt women come first!!!

    November 18, 2010 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Gabor47

    Another issue I could write a book about, but I have no time for that. So, only a few very brief pointers:

    1. Sex is a biological function for the purpose to propagate the species.
    2. Libido is a "signal" generated by the organism that it is time to perform the function. Just like hunger is a signal to obtain nutrients, thirst is a signal to drink water, etc.
    3. The enjoyment is another signal by the organism to continue the function. The enjoyment stops when the function is no longer needed or appropriate. Such as the enjoyment of drinking fresh cold water stops when the individual drank enough water.

    More about the sex:

    We know from the animal world that the way the males and the females function are quite different. Among most species of animals, the male is the "initiator", the active seeker, while the female is a more passive participant. Often the males fight to the death for the right of copulation with the female, while the female is just waiting on the sideline for the winner. Which function requires a stronger SIGNAL? Obviously for the males to seek, find, fight, finally perform. What is the signal? The libido.
    Therefore it is very natural that the human male desires sex more than the human female.

    The libido originates from the hormone system. The enjoyment originates from the nerve pathways from the genitals via the spinal chord to the brain. In other words, those are pretty much independent from each other. Again, back to the animal kingdom. The sexual intercourse from all other life function standpoints is an "odd process". Why? Because during the intercourse, both individuals are in an "awkward" and otherwise defenseless position against potential other animals who wish them to become prey and food. That must be "overwhelmed" somehow, and from evolutionary standpoint, that is why the unusual level of enjoyment. That is what makes animals to overcome all other life functions and continue sex until the purpose is fulfilled.

    What is the purpose? Obviously the release of the sperm by the male. What is the orgasm and why does it exist? In order to send a signal that IT IS DONE. With the orgasm both the desire and the enjoyment evaporates, there is no valid point to continue, both individual can resume the other life-functions. Now comes an interesting question.

    Why does the orgasm needed for BOTH individual, when it would be sufficient to have only for the male, after the sperm is released? Quite possibly, because most animals are not monogamous. With the release of the sperm by animal A may not have resulted conception. Thus the female can continue with a kind of "standby attitude" and allow another male, say male B to approach her. Assuming that evolution is correct and valid, it is quite logical that the males have a higher level of libido, and a higher level of orgasm (the STOP signal).

    And who is to say that the same kind of concepts are not valid among the human species? If one studies human history, it was always commonly known, accepted that men chased women, had a higher level libido and an overall desire to have sex.
    Only the 20th century and feminism declared it as an also "equal" thing. Not based on any specific scientific research and proof, only based on some arbitrary declaration. What if it is not true? Nature doesn't care about fairness and equality, nature is totally goal oriented. As long as the goal is fulfilled, all the rest is irrelevant. That is not only about sex, but about everything in nature. In order for a lion to stay alive, a bunch of smaller animals must be caught, mercilessly killed and eaten. Is it "fair"? Of course not, but that is the only way nature can even function.

    In other words it is entirely possible that among the human species sexuality is NOT THE SAME. The very first step toward any answers, first mankind must acknowledge that it is at least a possibility. Then could come some serious and honest research. Faking orgasm is wrong, but for a worldwide acceptance science itself must stop fooling itself by accepting the notion that men and women are equal in the sex department. They may not be.

    November 18, 2010 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • lance corporal

      wow a whole lot of words to say that you have no conclusion, yes all kids of things MIGHT be the same as in lower animals or even a little similar and there are always differences and sometimes they are night and day, so what? do you have a point? is there a direct comparison you are making? no? bat s e x is genuinely painful for the female, doesn't mean it is so for the human female, women can and do have many many more orgasms than men when they know how and are in the right situation, so how does that work in the animal world? I'm all for education and think s e x ed is a good idea but what would help more is UNLEARNING old bad attitudes about s e x, improving communication because stupid mores are removed and looking at what it means to be HUMAN

      November 18, 2010 at 18:16 | Report abuse |
    • India123

      The way you analyzed the topic is excellent. Probably if people understand the fundamental thing you said "Nature doesn't care about fairness and equality, nature is totally goal oriented" then it opens the new way of analyzing problems. Since there is maximum utilization of natural resources is going on now, people are not feeling any pain and talking about equality in every aspect of life. Once they starts going down then the animal instincts come out.

      November 18, 2010 at 20:38 | Report abuse |
  45. The Stranger

    Sex is not about the orgasm. Sex is about connecting with another individual.

    When people start understanding this, everything else will follow.

    November 18, 2010 at 17:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Splooge!

    I faked it once. She couldn't figure out why her back smelled like cilantro mayonnaise. 🙂

    November 18, 2010 at 17:15 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Rhonda

      Thanks for the belly laugh!

      November 18, 2010 at 17:27 | Report abuse |
  47. Austin Powers

    Alotta Fagina: In Japan, men come first and women come second.

    Austin Powers: Or sometimes not at all!

    November 18, 2010 at 17:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. smile

    What if a woman can't have an orgasm from sex? Then should she not have sex because the dishonesty is worse than the lack of a relationship? I think this article and our obsession with healthy sex and communication (as defined by who?) and the emphasis to always achieve an orgasm and have a conversation about it when you do or don't is BS. It's your relationships. Do whatever you both feel like doing and works for you. Take the experts with a grain of salt. Is it really that important that the answers of men and women are not equal? Is that the goal, to make their sociology questionnaires in balance? Let's start breaking this down by red and blue states too!

    November 18, 2010 at 17:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. David B

    O.K. guys, make her cum first and see if the sex isn't always better. And don't forget the G-spot that's the best, IF you know what you are doing.

    November 18, 2010 at 17:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. LongDongSilver

    Okay, here's the solution to this entire problem. Women pay close attention:

    Locate your husband's porn collection, then spend an afternoon watching them. Pay close attention, and take some notes.

    Then, when it's time for sex again, simply dress, talk, and behave like the women in the videos. And yes, keep the heels on, even in bed. No excuses.

    There. Problem solved. You will be amazed at how quickly you will have orgasms–or not if that's not your thing. This method is scientifically proven. If it doesn't work for you, at least take comfort in the idea that your husband will likely never cheat on you.

    November 18, 2010 at 17:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • E

      You could not be more wrong. All porn teaches is to be loud and FAKE it. It shows women getting of in no time, with no actual effort, that is simply not a biological reality. Porn is a lie, it is not real, the women are not actually enjoying it, they are faking it for money.

      November 18, 2010 at 19:16 | Report abuse |
    • phillth

      i got it now, fidelity insurance. cool

      November 18, 2010 at 22:11 | Report abuse |
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Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.