home
RSS
November 11th, 2010
12:31 PM ET

The new sex issue and why more men are faking it

When it comes to men and their members, we all know that what goes up must, eventually, come down. But what about when a guy’s erection goes up and stays up? At first blush, it sounds like bedroom benefit. But delayed ejaculation (DE) is a real problem. This umbrella term describes:

  • taking longer than usual to reach orgasm
  • only being able to get there via masturbation
  • not being able to peak at all

And it’s an issue that I'm seeing increasingly.

In the past DE was relatively rare compared with other "mechanical malfunctions" such as erectile disorder (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE), a subject I recently wrote about for this blog. Today, however, new factors are contributing to DE’s increased prevalence:

  • First and foremost is the fact that millions of men of all ages are now taking SSRI-based antidepressants such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil, which not only have the side effect of delaying orgasm, but, in many cases, eliminate it altogether.
  • The rapid proliferation of Internet porn also plays a role. Easy access to porn has made over-masturbation by men more common, which can lead to an increased latency period (the time it takes to reach orgasm) during real sex.
  • With so many varieties of porn at their fingertips, men who masturbate regularly to it often become habituated to a steady flow of sexual novelty and intense visual stimulation, making it harder for them to reach peak levels of sexual arousal with their real-world partners.  Call it Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder, a topic I’ve written about for "Good in Bed" and which addresses why too much masturbation to porn can mess with a guy’s sex skills.
  • When a guy masturbates, he's often applying significantly higher levels of pressure and friction than during real intercourse, so he may get used to a different kind of physical feeling. It’s called developing an “idiosyncratic masturbatory style.” There are now a lot of guys who can  get past the point of no return only via oral sex or manual stimulation (usually their own).

In addition to physical factors, psychological problems can contribute to DE. These can include not wanting to get a woman pregnant, bottled-up anger, and control issues. Lately, I've seen an increase in DE among men who are freaked out about the economy. They may get physiologically aroused, but they’re mentally disconnected and can’t focus enough to get to the point of orgasm.

But you might not be able to tell any of that from his bedroom performance. That’s right, ladies, guys fake it too! It's actually pretty easy when he's using a condom—“I just tense my body and moan a lot” says one former patient—and even if he’s going “ungloved,” he still might claim he had an orgasm and ejaculated (“It just wasn’t a lot”). Although there are no clear stats on the number of men faking it, as the factors that cause DE rise, the incidences of faking rise, too.

Here are tips for dealing with DE:

  • During sex, focus more on foreplay—especially the mental stuff. Sexual arousal is the product of both friction and fantasy, and the guy who suffers from DE often needs a spark of novelty to get him over the edge.  Everything helps: sharing a fantasy, creating more anticipation during the day, etc.
  • Try switching to a position that might provide more novelty and more friction.
  • If you think too much porn could be crimping your sex-style, it may be time to take a break from porn and focus on real sex. Taking a masturbation break may help address the porn-induced “idiosyncratic masturbatory style" I mentioned earlier. Or he can try masturbating with his non-dominant hand, which will generally provide less friction and pressure.
  • Communicate. In my experience as a sex counselor, talking about DE with a partner is not as hard as talking about erectile disorder or premature ejaculation, because guys with DE are able to get erect as well as last longer (two sources of male pride). If you’re with a guy who suffers from DE, get the conversation going by saying something like,  “Hey, so I feel like you’re a little disconnected during sex, or that you’re not enjoying being with me as much as you could. Is there anything I can do? Is there something on your mind?” When he asks you what you mean, you can say, “Well, I’ve noticed it takes you longer to reach orgasm or that you can only get there in certain ways.”

By understanding delayed ejaculation and being aware of the factors that might cause it, couples can get on the same page, strengthen their relationship and get back to enjoying an intimate sexual connection.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.


soundoff (822 Responses)
  1. Mickey Romanski

    Your style is so unique compared to other folks I've read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I'll just book mark this site.

    http://www.bshare.cn/share?url=https://connerj70n8.dailyblogzz.com/5093146/top-rv-body-shop-secrets

    June 11, 2021 at 09:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. yard near me

    lumber

    June 11, 2021 at 15:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. motorhome mechanic near me

    This web site certainly has all the information and facts I needed concerning this subject and didnít know who to ask.

    http://www.aerialacoustics.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=ocrvandtrucks.com/

    June 11, 2021 at 16:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. RV Alignment Near Me

    http://www.freelanceinspector.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=rvcollisionrepairpaintshop.com/

    June 11, 2021 at 20:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Body Damage

    I must thank you for the efforts you've put in penning this blog. I'm hoping to see the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated me to get my own site now 😉

    http://nationallitigationpowerhouse.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=boxtruckrepairshop.com/

    June 11, 2021 at 20:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Repair Van

    Hi there! I just want to offer you a huge thumbs up for your great information you've got here on this post. I am returning to your web site for more soon.

    http://themoawadfamily.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=fleettruckrepairshop.com/

    June 11, 2021 at 20:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. RV Body Repair Near Me

    http://www.ohashi-co.com/w3a/redirect.php?redirect=https://www.campervanrepairshop.com

    June 11, 2021 at 22:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. rv repair los angeles

    http://briseno.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.ocrvexperts.com

    June 11, 2021 at 23:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. tires orange county

    http://www.xyzprinting.com/prc?e=11p541&redir=https://ocrvcenter.info

    June 12, 2021 at 06:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. RV Tires Los Angeles

    Oh my goodness! Impressive article dude! Many thanks, However I am experiencing problems with your RSS. I donít know why I can't join it. Is there anybody having similar RSS issues? Anybody who knows the answer can you kindly respond? Thanx!!

    http://wad.ojooo.com/cks_preview.php?lang=en&url=https://ocrv.today/

    June 12, 2021 at 07:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Limo Van Repair

    Excellent write-up. I certainly love this website. Continue the good work!

    http://www.landofvolunteers.com/go.php?https://fleetservicesorangecounty.com/

    June 12, 2021 at 07:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. RV Repair Shop

    You have made some decent points there. I checked on the web to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.

    http://www.emptycage.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=campervanrepairshop.com

    June 12, 2021 at 08:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Sprinter Van Side Repair Price

    Iím impressed, I must say. Seldom do I come across a blog thatís both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something not enough people are speaking intelligently about. Now i'm very happy I stumbled across this in my hunt for something regarding this.

    https://www.morhipo.com/shared/partnercookie?k=gort&url=http://commercialrepairshop.com

    June 12, 2021 at 08:23 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. appliance repair near me

    http://credentialshub.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.wholesalenearme.com/

    June 12, 2021 at 16:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. micro center near me

    https://www.derbyfab.com/dot_emailfriend.asp?referurl=//www.reviewnearme.com

    June 12, 2021 at 20:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. buffet near me

    I like it when individuals come together and share ideas. Great site, keep it up!

    http://homekey.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.bestshopnearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 01:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. wendys near me

    I could not resist commenting. Exceptionally well written!

    https://wapblogs.eu/ejuz.php?url=http://bulknearme.com/

    June 13, 2021 at 02:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. chinese food near me

    Very nice blog post. I definitely love this website. Thanks!

    http://blog.tieonline.com/feedtie/feed2js.php?src=https://bonus-books.com/ &num=3&au=y&date=y&utf=y&html=y

    June 13, 2021 at 05:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. junkyards near me

    http://broadwaykids.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=hootnholler.net

    June 13, 2021 at 05:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. salvation army near me

    Having read this I thought it was rather enlightening. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this informative article together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worth it!

    http://www.pocodetodo.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bulknearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 05:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. florist near me

    Your style is so unique in comparison to other folks I've read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I'll just bookmark this blog.

    http://www.tamebeast.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=wholesalenearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 05:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. sears near me

    Great info. Lucky me I recently found your site by accident (stumbleupon). I've saved it for later!

    http://net2vox.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=nearmyspot.com

    June 13, 2021 at 06:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. advance auto parts near me

    http://migrantcinema.net.gridhosted.co.uk/?URL=masternearme.com/

    June 13, 2021 at 07:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. office depot near me

    http://www.layoutsparks.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.reviewnearme.com/

    June 13, 2021 at 08:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. jobs near me part time

    A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. There's no doubt that that you need to publish more about this subject matter, it might not be a taboo matter but typically people don't discuss these issues. To the next! Many thanks!!

    http://onlinecopyright.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=quotenearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 10:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. used car dealers near me

    Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and also the rest of the website is also really good.

    http://smart-financial-federal-cu.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=hootnholler.net/

    June 13, 2021 at 11:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. supercuts near me

    https://www.friscowebsites.com/Redirect.aspx?destination=https://quotenearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 14:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. cold stone near me

    http://fortross.net/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bestlocalnearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 16:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. staples near me

    http://www.lasersculpture.biz/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=wholesalenearme.com/

    June 13, 2021 at 17:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. boost mobile near me

    http://www.genedillard.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=masternearme.com

    June 13, 2021 at 18:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. shoprite near me

    http://www.fhwa.dot.gov/reauthorization/reauexit.cfm?link=https://www.ocrvexperts.com

    June 14, 2021 at 03:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. book store near me

    Good web site you have here.. Itís difficult to find excellent writing like yours nowadays. I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!

    http://www.diversitybusiness.com/SpecialFunctions/NewSiteReferences.asp?NwSiteURL=www.ocrv.online

    June 14, 2021 at 05:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. carmax near me

    https://200-155-82-24.bradesco.com.br/conteudo/pessoa-fisica/popExt.aspx?url=http://www.postfallswebsites.com/

    June 14, 2021 at 09:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. tobacco shop near me

    An outstanding share! I've just forwarded this onto a colleague who was conducting a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me lunch due to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to talk about this topic here on your internet site.

    https://www.zippyapp.com/redir?u=https://paradisepoolnspa.com

    June 14, 2021 at 12:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. yard sales near me

    https://studivz.net/Link/Dereferer/?https://ocrvmotorcoaches.com/

    June 14, 2021 at 14:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. theaters near me

    http://sendfwd.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.reedthomas.com/

    June 14, 2021 at 18:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. RV Repair Near Me Now

    http://webredirect.garenanow.com/?p=gp&lang=en&url=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-la-mesa-california

    June 15, 2021 at 02:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. RV Repairs Near Me

    http://www.snzg.cn/comment/index.php?item=articleid&itemid=38693&itemurl=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-encinitas-california/

    June 15, 2021 at 03:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. RV Repair Around Me

    Howdy! This post couldnít be written much better! Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept preaching about this. I'll forward this post to him. Fairly certain he'll have a great read. I appreciate you for sharing!

    http://treasury.gov/cgi-bin/redirect.cgi/?http://maskon.com/platform-pumps/

    June 15, 2021 at 04:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. RV Repairs Near Me

    http://ww17.acconsthost.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-highland-california/

    June 15, 2021 at 12:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Repair Shops Near Me

    This page really has all the information and facts I wanted concerning this subject and didnít know who to ask.

    https://genki365.net/gnka01/common/redirect.php?url=https://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-lake-balboa-california/

    June 15, 2021 at 16:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. RV Repair Shop Near Me

    http://sc.sie.gov.hk/TuniS/http://www.ocrvcenter.com/nationwide-rv-collision-repair-shop-near-me

    June 15, 2021 at 23:11 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. RV Repair Shop

    Hello there! I could have sworn Iíve been to this site before but after browsing through many of the posts I realized itís new to me. Anyways, Iím definitely delighted I found it and Iíll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!

    https://cliopatria.swi-prolog.org/browse/list_resource?r=ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-rialto-california

    June 16, 2021 at 00:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. RV Repair Garden Grove

    http://cs.odu.edu/~mln/teaching/cs518-f08/?method=display&redirect=http://internationalhorsepress.com/reining/item/11-3d-illustration.html?start=3220

    June 16, 2021 at 02:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Repair

    Aw, this was an exceptionally good post. Spending some time and actual effort to generate a really good articleÖ but what can I sayÖ I hesitate a lot and never seem to get anything done.

    http://faseb.org/pdfviewer?loadthis=www.ocrvcenter.com/business-vehicle-collision-repair-shop-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 03:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Camper Repair Near Me

    http://host2.mandel.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://www.ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-tv-repair-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 03:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. RV Repair Mission Viejo

    Good day! I just want to give you a big thumbs up for the excellent info you have got here on this post. I am returning to your blog for more soon.

    http://georgewbushlibrary.smu.edu/exit.aspx?url=www.ocrvcenter.com/class-6-truck-collision-repair-shop-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 05:18 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. RV Repair San Clemente California

    The very next time I read a blog, Hopefully it doesn't fail me as much as this particular one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, nonetheless I really believed you would have something helpful to say. All I hear is a bunch of crying about something that you could possibly fix if you weren't too busy looking for attention.

    https://texasonline.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=https://ocrvcenter.com/motorhome-dent-repair-near-me

    June 16, 2021 at 05:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. pharmaceptica

    plaquenil drug class https://pharmaceptica.com/

    June 16, 2021 at 06:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. Sprinter Repair Costa Mesa

    I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it. I have you saved as a favorite to check out new things you postÖ

    https://www.cbts2.thischurch.org/mod/admin/view-image.php?i=/share/mod_news_images/2767.jpg&ru=http://www.ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-banning-california/

    June 16, 2021 at 08:49 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Post a comment


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.