home
RSS
November 11th, 2010
12:31 PM ET

The new sex issue and why more men are faking it

When it comes to men and their members, we all know that what goes up must, eventually, come down. But what about when a guy’s erection goes up and stays up? At first blush, it sounds like bedroom benefit. But delayed ejaculation (DE) is a real problem. This umbrella term describes:

  • taking longer than usual to reach orgasm
  • only being able to get there via masturbation
  • not being able to peak at all

And it’s an issue that I'm seeing increasingly.

In the past DE was relatively rare compared with other "mechanical malfunctions" such as erectile disorder (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE), a subject I recently wrote about for this blog. Today, however, new factors are contributing to DE’s increased prevalence:

  • First and foremost is the fact that millions of men of all ages are now taking SSRI-based antidepressants such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil, which not only have the side effect of delaying orgasm, but, in many cases, eliminate it altogether.
  • The rapid proliferation of Internet porn also plays a role. Easy access to porn has made over-masturbation by men more common, which can lead to an increased latency period (the time it takes to reach orgasm) during real sex.
  • With so many varieties of porn at their fingertips, men who masturbate regularly to it often become habituated to a steady flow of sexual novelty and intense visual stimulation, making it harder for them to reach peak levels of sexual arousal with their real-world partners.  Call it Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder, a topic I’ve written about for "Good in Bed" and which addresses why too much masturbation to porn can mess with a guy’s sex skills.
  • When a guy masturbates, he's often applying significantly higher levels of pressure and friction than during real intercourse, so he may get used to a different kind of physical feeling. It’s called developing an “idiosyncratic masturbatory style.” There are now a lot of guys who can  get past the point of no return only via oral sex or manual stimulation (usually their own).

In addition to physical factors, psychological problems can contribute to DE. These can include not wanting to get a woman pregnant, bottled-up anger, and control issues. Lately, I've seen an increase in DE among men who are freaked out about the economy. They may get physiologically aroused, but they’re mentally disconnected and can’t focus enough to get to the point of orgasm.

But you might not be able to tell any of that from his bedroom performance. That’s right, ladies, guys fake it too! It's actually pretty easy when he's using a condom—“I just tense my body and moan a lot” says one former patient—and even if he’s going “ungloved,” he still might claim he had an orgasm and ejaculated (“It just wasn’t a lot”). Although there are no clear stats on the number of men faking it, as the factors that cause DE rise, the incidences of faking rise, too.

Here are tips for dealing with DE:

  • During sex, focus more on foreplay—especially the mental stuff. Sexual arousal is the product of both friction and fantasy, and the guy who suffers from DE often needs a spark of novelty to get him over the edge.  Everything helps: sharing a fantasy, creating more anticipation during the day, etc.
  • Try switching to a position that might provide more novelty and more friction.
  • If you think too much porn could be crimping your sex-style, it may be time to take a break from porn and focus on real sex. Taking a masturbation break may help address the porn-induced “idiosyncratic masturbatory style" I mentioned earlier. Or he can try masturbating with his non-dominant hand, which will generally provide less friction and pressure.
  • Communicate. In my experience as a sex counselor, talking about DE with a partner is not as hard as talking about erectile disorder or premature ejaculation, because guys with DE are able to get erect as well as last longer (two sources of male pride). If you’re with a guy who suffers from DE, get the conversation going by saying something like,  “Hey, so I feel like you’re a little disconnected during sex, or that you’re not enjoying being with me as much as you could. Is there anything I can do? Is there something on your mind?” When he asks you what you mean, you can say, “Well, I’ve noticed it takes you longer to reach orgasm or that you can only get there in certain ways.”

By understanding delayed ejaculation and being aware of the factors that might cause it, couples can get on the same page, strengthen their relationship and get back to enjoying an intimate sexual connection.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.


soundoff (237 Responses)
  1. Genaro Pass

    Hey, you used to write fantastic, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your tremendous writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 11, 2021 at 00:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Kiyoko Laplaca

    definitely an interesting read. i usually dont comment. signed Mark Cuban

    http://yourmatrixcashmachine.com

    January 12, 2021 at 00:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. Hung Alexanian

    Of course, what a great site and enlightening posts, I surely will bookmark your website.Have an awsome day!

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 15, 2021 at 23:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. Teodora Belile

    Nice blog here! Also your web site loads up very fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my web site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 21, 2021 at 02:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. Lianne Mykins

    Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, subscribers? Our Company provide SMM Services that means (Social Media Marketing) that is directly using social network websites such as Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn to promote a website. High Quality Services / Our prices are the cheapest in the market, starting at $0.01 / 24/7 Support / API Support for panel leaders / Best prices

    https://bit.ly/3iYGuRO

    January 22, 2021 at 22:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. Robbie Steins

    Best Marketing Services – Cheapest on Market. SMM Supreme is the Top 5 Best Social Media Website in the World. Best Quality-Price Ratio on the market with 714,928 orders until now. – Facebook Fan Page Likes for $4.50/1000 – Instagram Followers for $0.78/1000 – Youtube Views: $1.62/1000 – Twitter followers: $2.10/1000 – Paypal Deposit – Bitcoin Deposit – Fast order processing – 1 Hour Delivery (Click on the link in the profile for more details)

    https://bit.ly/2Hnl7vE

    January 27, 2021 at 13:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. Johnny Goshi

    https://www.electricpercolatorcoffeepot.com/10-top-coffee-bloggers/

    January 28, 2021 at 22:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Make-money-in auto-pilot-2021

    Earn 500 a Day With Our Passive Income System Doing These 3 Steps – Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Setup your Paypal account. Step 3: Run our Unlimited Traffic System from our Free 850 sources of traffic (Approximately 35000 views a day guaranteed). Then in few hours you will start receiving payments without do nothing! More info: https://warriorplus.com/o2/a/gp8vk/0

    https://bitly.com/2RfJYVc

    January 30, 2021 at 21:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Make-money-in auto-pilot-2021

    Get Our Passive Income System – Step 1: Get our ready made niche websites, Step 2: Setup your Paypal account. Step 3: Run our Unlimited Traffic System from 850 sources of traffic (Approximately 35000 views a day guaranteed). Then just wait and earn your income 100 on autopilot. More info: https://www.k3reviews.com/2020/08/16/monster-mode-700k/

    https://bitly.com/2EgbfPr

    February 1, 2021 at 12:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. Social Subscribers

    I don't normally comment but I gotta admit thanks for the post on this one : D.

    https://bonuslikes.com/tag/youtube-views/

    February 2, 2021 at 17:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Yvette Gaglia

    Earn 2000 a Month With Our Passive Income System

    https://jvz6.com/c/289727/331373

    February 5, 2021 at 20:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. Arleen Carll

    Earn 3000 a Month With Our Passive Income System

    https://warriorplus.com/o2/a/p8y6s/0

    February 6, 2021 at 04:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. hidroxicloroquina

    chloroquinr https://chloroquineorigin.com/ chloroquinone

    February 6, 2021 at 23:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. plaquenil side effects rash

    problems with erectile dysfunction https://plaquenilx.com/ erectile organs crossword

    February 6, 2021 at 23:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. hydroxychloride medicine

    hcq medication https://hydroxychloroquinex.com/ hcqs side effects

    February 6, 2021 at 23:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. zithromax order

    is zithromax over the counter https://zithromaxes.com/ citramax

    February 6, 2021 at 23:57 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. 1000000GSA Backlinks

    Best Social Media Services and Website Traffic Services 2021: https://www.seoclerk.com/user/jackpower99

    https://www.seoclerk.com/Virtual-Assistant/840836/I-will-create-a-profitable-digital-marketing-strategy-and-plan

    February 16, 2021 at 21:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. SocialMedia Services2021

    Do you want get more social network traffic, likes, subscribers? Our Company provide SMM Services that means (Social Media Marketing) that is directly using social network websites such as Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn to promote a website. High Quality Services / Our prices are the cheapest in the market, starting at $0.01 / 24/7 Support / API Support for panel leaders / Best prices Our Website: https://smmsupreme.com/auth/signup

    https://bit.ly/3iOPatX

    February 19, 2021 at 13:38 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. priligy

    dapoxetine dapoxetine tablet

    March 11, 2021 at 14:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. brimonidine

    combigan side effects combigan generic

    March 11, 2021 at 14:06 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. cyclosporine

    buy cyclomune uk buy cyclosporine

    March 11, 2021 at 14:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Tadalafil

    tadalafil from england megalis 20

    March 11, 2021 at 14:14 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. casino games slot machine

    huge casino game https://casinoxsgames.com/ restaurants at the new york new york casino

    March 23, 2021 at 17:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. play free online casino games-gsn games

    cashman casino slots for windows 10 https://casinoxsplay.com/ casino gambling in tenn

    March 24, 2021 at 03:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Sadashivanagar escorts service

    Thanks, this is a great list. I’m now following around half the folks I’ve commented on – so for me this has been a double win – the comment and the further reading material that helps me and my blog!

    https://independentmodeldaisy.com

    March 24, 2021 at 09:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. casino slots kickapoo money bag

    raging bull casino no deposit https://casinoxsbonus.com/ game like casino moons usa

    March 27, 2021 at 00:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. penny winning casino slot machines

    5 million chips doubledown casino https://casinoxsbest.com/ types of casino games roulette

    March 27, 2021 at 07:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. dreams casino bonus code

    casino slot https://casinoxsonline.com/ marriot casino hotel new orleans

    March 29, 2021 at 18:12 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3

Post a comment


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.