Does a clean kitchen lead to more sex? The art of 'chore-play'
November 4th, 2010
03:59 PM ET

Does a clean kitchen lead to more sex? The art of 'chore-play'

Want to get lucky tonight, Guys? Then perhaps you should reach for a bottle of Windex before you reach for her body. No, I’m not suggesting anything kinky. In fact, the concept of “choreplay”—that women are more likely to want to have sex when their male partner helps out around the house—is a hot topic in research circles:

  • One recent study from the University of Western Ontario, for example, found that wives are happier when their husbands pitch in with housework.
  • Another report from researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago even suggests men who help clean, take care of their kids, and do other domestic chores may see the benefits of their labor pay off in the bedroom.

Our experts at Good in Bed agree: “When we first started talking about the sex–chore connection, my husband was offended,” admits Heidi Raykeil. “To him, it felt a little as if I was withholding sex unless he was a 'good boy' and did his chores. But if I’m in the mood and the kitchen’s a mess—Errrt! Mental brake screech. My head is suddenly filled with dirty dishes and duties, instead of sex. For me, choreplay just helps a potentially hot situation stay that way.”

The “mental brake screech” Heidi describes is actually backed by science: Researchers in the Netherlands found that “the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety.” In a study in which the brains of men and women were scanned during the process of sexual response using a technique called positron emission tomography (PET), the results showed that the parts of the female brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety and emotion reduce during sexual activity.

Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain. Says Dr. Gert Holstege,  “What this means is that deactivation, letting go of all fear and anxiety, might be the most important thing, even necessary, to have an orgasm.” So what’s the lesson? If you want to turn a woman on, the key is to help her turn off—turn off her brain, that is—and that means helping her not worry: like about all the chores that still need to be done.

Of course, it’s tough for a woman to chill out when she comes home from one job, only to be burdened by a “second shift” of cleaning, cooking, and chaos. In that scenario, sex is just one more task on her to-do list. The goal of choreplay: to move sex to the top of that list by helping her cross off some of the less scintillating items.

Men aren’t mind readers, but most of us are aware enough to notice when the sink is full of dirty dishes or the garbage is overflowing. Once guys start carrying our weight around the house, we’re apt to find that women have more energy in the bedroom. There’s no motivation like sex! And for all of you guys out there who are already doing your share of the housework, more power to you.

But choreplay isn’t just about chores, says Debby Herbenick, a research scientist at Indiana University and sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute. “It’s very important not to get into a ‘bartering’ system or even to see it as a man ‘helping his wife’ with chores,” she warns. “Household chores and parenting are shared responsibilities that researchers have generally found women spend more time on than men. When couples have a more equal partnership, they do tend to have  more satisfying sex lives.”

In my own life, I've noticed that when I take the time to really play with my kids, my wife finds me sexier—and my chances of sex improve. Of course, playing with my kids isn’t a chore, but it's interesting how all the stuff outside the bedroom can make or break what happens inside.

Says Good in Bed expert, Kristen Mark, “ One of the reasons many women get turned on by these out-of-bedroom acts is because they demonstrate caring in a different way. If it becomes clear that the act is being done as a means to get sex, it can become a turn OFF. So, do these things as a way to help out, not as a way to get sex....and sex just might end up being a bonus!”

That said, time to go clean up my house and play with the kids.

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website,GoodInBed.

soundoff (665 Responses)
  1. Jason

    Plenty of men do chores around the house.

    November 4, 2010 at 16:25 | Report abuse | Reply
    • David

      Is he really wearing gloves?

      Dude, Man Up!

      November 4, 2010 at 17:36 | Report abuse |
    • Tim

      Thats fine but for the stay at home Dad when wifey does dishes does she get any action???? nope she says i helped now leave me alone I'm even more tired then before ....

      November 4, 2010 at 17:50 | Report abuse |
    • Jimbobo

      Multi-Million dollar study performed by a huge team of researchers discovers what most men figured out at 15. Girls like when you give them stuff and do stuff for them. I know I'm surprised, how about everyone else?

      November 4, 2010 at 19:11 | Report abuse |
    • muchogroucho

      With my ex-wife- sex WAS a chore!

      November 4, 2010 at 19:16 | Report abuse |
    • MISS G

      You're right. My Jason helps everyday, and that's one of the many reasons we have an amazing sex life. It's called give and take, and there are still exists a few good men out there who are willing to accept that traditional gender roles have changed. It's about being responsible for yourself and having respect for your partner.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:39 | Report abuse |
    • mike

      for regular face to face? NO. For mind-blowing fantasy fulfilling sex? Absolutely!

      November 4, 2010 at 19:45 | Report abuse |
    • Twiggy

      Give and take? I did the giving and she did the taking. I cleaned, repaired things, paid all the bills, cut the grass. When she cleaned, she constantly complained about getting a maid, and made me inspect everything when she finished. I don't know what she's doing now.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:06 | Report abuse |
    • Shpongle

      Sure .... all I work my fingers to the bone only to have that night my fingers working me bone.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:20 | Report abuse |
    • duckhunter

      No shit. I'm amazed that it took a PHD to come the the conclusion that husbands (at least horny ones) have known for eons. And how much did our 'stimulus' funds did it require to come to this conclusion??????

      November 4, 2010 at 20:50 | Report abuse |
    • a-dub

      I work 80-sometimes 96 hrs a pay period. my wife works 40-50 hrs a pay period. My house is never extremely dirty. Women have more anxiety about this kind of stuff. It doesn't mean it's not going to get done, it just may not be when you want it done. I cook I help clean, I do laundry, I mow,I pick the kids up form school. But I never dangle sex like a carrot. It should not be a prize. My wife can have it anytime she wants, but I still have to guess when she wants it. I love ad respect my wife more than I could possibly tell her. For some reason women subscribe to this crap. The fact is I do a lot noticed or not, now I have todo the stuff that matters more to someone else so I can get "rewarded" for something that has nothing to do with the other.

      November 4, 2010 at 21:04 | Report abuse |
    • duckhunter

      Ok so this is a scientific study. Seems the scientist's are the coop and us chickens are the poop

      November 4, 2010 at 21:05 | Report abuse |
    • Ken

      That's what a dishwasher is for!! Spend the money on a top of the line model that works and you both can skip the dishes, combine that with take out for diner and you crossed off two items. Laundry can always wait, just buy enough cloths to last two weeks. So knock those three things off her list and then give her her two asprins early enough so that is not an excuse.. If ALL that doesn't work, there's always the cutie that works over in the finance dept...

      November 4, 2010 at 21:09 | Report abuse |
    • Bitter

      I knew a Jason once, he has herpes

      November 4, 2010 at 21:15 | Report abuse |
    • Paul

      David ... He's wearing gloves because they're going to play doctor later!

      November 4, 2010 at 21:27 | Report abuse |
    • Brad

      Who doesn't. Happy wife = happy life rite. You may think your not but you probably are.

      November 4, 2010 at 22:17 | Report abuse |
    • Andre

      Cool, I'll do more chores, can she Change our tire and car battery when it needs changing, or move living room furniture around? I'd be happier!

      November 4, 2010 at 22:41 | Report abuse |
    • Improve Concentration

      Ha – and always more chores to do!

      November 4, 2010 at 22:45 | Report abuse |
    • Joe

      Sex should never be used as a reward. If you withold sex from your partner you have issue's that go beyond cleaning the house. Women who withold sex because their partner will not clean is just wrong, witholding affection will only breed resentment.

      November 5, 2010 at 08:29 | Report abuse |
    • Terry

      I do all the cooking and cleaning, it gets me nothing.

      January 17, 2011 at 17:46 | Report abuse |
    • Nunya

      II pull more work around here that she... I don't get any, let alone extra

      February 5, 2011 at 20:39 | Report abuse |
    • Joe

      and there are some of us on the other end where we cant get her to do anything. Except read books sitting on the couch. Whats up with that?

      February 5, 2011 at 22:26 | Report abuse |
  2. Chris

    If this was true then I should be getting sex every night and twice on Sunday. Talk about feeling taken for granted....

    November 4, 2010 at 16:36 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Phillip


      November 4, 2010 at 17:02 | Report abuse |
    • Pw

      I definately agree with you, I do too many chores for nothing in return...obviously, I would help anyways ladys.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:05 | Report abuse |
    • Carla

      🙁 Sorry guys! That's definitely not what my husband would say. I really do feel for men who are neglected in the bedroom....

      November 4, 2010 at 17:17 | Report abuse |
    • jay

      Here's the trick.. if you do it everyday, then its normal. Just do it only once in a while to get noticed 😉

      November 4, 2010 at 17:21 | Report abuse |
    • gladi8tor96

      I couldn't have said it better myself... this study doesn't seem to hold water in my case.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:35 | Report abuse |
    • Todd

      Funny, I live alone and have a maid clean my kitchen. I get all the sax I want.

      No, it's not with the maid.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:46 | Report abuse |
    • Jimbobo

      Jay hit the nail on the head and is smarter then all the researchers that did this study. It has nothing to do with participating in chores around the house, it's all to do with doing something out of the norm. You bring the wife home some flowers and a sweet love note and you will probably get lucky. Now do this every day for a month.. see my point? The guy who gets it consistently either got the lucky draw on the wife or knows how to keep mixxing it up. Doesn't hurt to be a stud in bed either.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:15 | Report abuse |
    • vgreen

      Tired of doing home work. She is on phone with her mom when free,inspite of me working. 5 years of marriage,not sure when things will settle down.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:16 | Report abuse |
    • AGeek

      amen, brother ..amen.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:42 | Report abuse |
    • duckhunter

      At least there are two 'normal' contributors to this site.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:52 | Report abuse |
    • Improve Concentration

      Yeah – could easily see that!

      November 4, 2010 at 22:45 | Report abuse |
    • teresa, ohio

      why do you let her get away with it? Change a tire? I can do that in under 10 minutes... change a car battery? LMAO... is that hard for you?

      November 4, 2010 at 23:10 | Report abuse |
    • teresa, ohio

      @TODD: your hand doesnt count. I think the point of this article is MEN want sex with their WIVES that they pretend to "love". : )

      November 4, 2010 at 23:11 | Report abuse |
    • Tragger

      i agree, doing chores does not = happy bedroom life...

      January 7, 2011 at 13:39 | Report abuse |
    • Tragger

      only problem with this is when the guy wants it more than just once in a while. doing things once in a while out of the norm will get you some love just once in a while. doing this things every few days, even once a week just to get some then turn into the norm. you can only do so many things that you wife like till they are considered 'norm' and then you're right where we are. unless you just have a awesome wife who does it anyway. in that case my friend, good for you. god did not create every woman the same. you got yourself a good one. don't screw it up.

      January 7, 2011 at 13:43 | Report abuse |
  3. Amy

    This is very true in my relationship.

    November 4, 2010 at 16:38 | Report abuse | Reply


      January 29, 2011 at 17:20 | Report abuse |
  4. Nathalie

    Funny but true!

    November 4, 2010 at 16:40 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Improve Concentration

      Nice – to know

      November 4, 2010 at 22:46 | Report abuse |


      January 29, 2011 at 17:20 | Report abuse |
  5. workingschmo

    Useless. I think we're all at the point where women expect men to pitch in – with everything. And loss of sex as a result is only minor compared to complete blurring of roles, unrealistic expectations, depression and divorce. Ahhh how we've progressed......

    November 4, 2010 at 16:46 | Report abuse | Reply
    • StayAtHome

      If your wife stays home with the kids, this is one thing. IF she works just like you-you should do just as much as her. If she has to provide for the family too-then you need to pull your weight.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:02 | Report abuse |
    • Chris

      Blurring of roles? What kind of antiquated view is this?

      Marriage is a partnership, nothing wrong with sharing of roles. To think that one role or another in a marriage really is close minded.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:07 | Report abuse |
    • Katy

      Five bucks says this guy isnt married. And if he is, his wife probably hates his guts.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
    • Mike Schumer

      Oh Archie!

      November 4, 2010 at 19:52 | Report abuse |
    • David


      Whether the wife is a full-time homemaker/stay-at-home mom or whether she works outside the home (PART- *OR*!! FULL-TIME!), both spouses have to pull their weight! REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYBODY SAYS OR THINKS, MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP!! (It doesn't even take anybody who is or previously married to know THAT, you KNOW????)

      January 25, 2013 at 23:34 | Report abuse |
  6. Max

    Doing work to get sex; how is this not a form of prostitution?

    November 4, 2010 at 16:50 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Bill Clinton

      Yes, yes it is. Isn't America great!

      November 4, 2010 at 17:07 | Report abuse |
    • Aaron

      Expecting work while not contributing; how is this not a form of oppression?

      November 4, 2010 at 17:09 | Report abuse |
    • teresa, ohio

      umm, MAX; so ... youre admitting that CHORES are WORK, right ? ; )

      November 4, 2010 at 23:07 | Report abuse |
    • Howie

      A wise older relative told my teen self that "marriage is the screwing you get for the screwing you give". Every relationship between one party that wants $ex and another that wants something other than $ex (ie: marriage) is a form of prostitution. With very rare exceptions, women don't actually like $ex very much. They put up with it to get our paycheck, housework, and parenting help.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:46 | Report abuse |
  7. Angel

    I don't let chore's get in the way of sex. I just have it while my wife does the dishes.

    November 4, 2010 at 16:52 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Angel Win

      BWAHAHAHAHA!! Greatness in a sentence!

      November 4, 2010 at 17:45 | Report abuse |
    • stupidity

      I hope you wash your hand after.

      November 4, 2010 at 18:38 | Report abuse |
    • Jimbobo

      ZOMG! SOOOO funny and so true.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:26 | Report abuse |
  8. Bill

    The bottom line is if dirty dishes is all it takes to stop a women from a romantic evening, she wasn't that in to it anyway.

    November 4, 2010 at 16:56 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Publius

      Amen Bill. And to the author: even if you were to help around the house, tell a time when a woman EVER lets go of all her anxieties. Come on ladies, the dishes can freaking wait! (At least for 20 minutes – sheesh!) By the time all that crap (housework) is done you're all the more tired and aren't as turned on anyway. And by tomorrow the "laundry list" starts all over again. From a guy's perspective it's really hard to imagine these things can be allowed to get in the way of the moment.

      And just to stir the pot, there was an article about this in the NYT recently with a guy wearing an apron and pushing a swiffer while the girl looked on from her chair. My 77 year old mom clipped it out and mailed it to me with comments on the side: "What girl is honestly attracted to this emasculated boob"? So is this more of a baby-boomer and Gen-X thing?

      November 4, 2010 at 17:42 | Report abuse |
    • basic biology

      Guys: there is no anxiety over a sink full of waiting dishes. There is smoldering hatred for men who expect their wives to work a full time job, come home and prepare dinner and take care of the kids while the guy sits on his rear and watches tv without lifting a finger to help. When guys do their share around the house, it lets women know they care about pulling their weight (and therefore care about their wife) and are mature, responsible men. Otherwise, they are selfish mofos. Angry women = no seks. Even if she forces herself to let you ride, she won't be enjoying it because she's pissed you're such lazy bum. Do your share and she'll be reminded of how much she loves you. Men can shag when they're angry but women can't. It's basic biology. The sooner men learn this, the better off everyone will be. If your wife came home from work and expected you guys to make dinner and take care of the kids without helping, how would you feel? DUH!

      November 4, 2010 at 18:46 | Report abuse |
  9. Boone

    Ha, the best part of being gay, sex happens no matter what in the relationship

    November 4, 2010 at 17:00 | Report abuse | Reply
    • SavetheCat

      Haha! Agreed. At least one of the best parts.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:21 | Report abuse |
    • Todd

      Ah, but do the dishes get done?

      November 4, 2010 at 17:48 | Report abuse |
    • Jerv

      So true! The best part!

      November 5, 2010 at 09:21 | Report abuse |
    • pat

      but you aint getting what i'm getting. Ha

      February 5, 2011 at 23:01 | Report abuse |
  10. Joe

    This is a little insulting. I do dishes when there are dirty dishes. Why do I have to "earn" the lovin'? I don't see her building my toolshed when she wants some. This is so ridiculous. So women want equality only when it benefits them. Got it.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:01 | Report abuse | Reply
    • KUKate

      Joe, I'm not sure you quite understood. The point is not just that we want our husbands to do chores; it's that when we get done from working just as much as you, it is stressful to have lots more chores at home to take care of. These tasks become central and stresses us out. Women, in general, cannot get aroused when they're stressed, although typically men can. Thus if you help remove some of the stresses in our lives (ie share the housework) she will be more relaxed and ready for sex

      November 4, 2010 at 17:28 | Report abuse |
    • basic biology

      Joe, I'll bet your wife made you tea or lemonade and lunch while you were building your toolshed. She was supportive. Small gestures let people know they care. Offering no help whatsoever at any time lets people know you don't care. Women need to feel close to their men to get off. Men don't. Now you know. What will you choose to do?

      November 4, 2010 at 18:52 | Report abuse |
    • bigpimpin

      Joes right on the money.....except for one huge mistake...HE GOT MARRIED. Idiot. But alas, the mistake has already been made, so here's the deal: the 'woman withholding sex problem' is a function of her having more power in the relationship than the man. Now, I'm not talking about power in some sort of dominance or abusive sense, but power in terms of desire.

      Its about who wants to be with who more. If its a situation in which SHE is giving HIM the privilege of sex, he's in trouble because shes going to exploit it. If its about HIM giving HER the privilege of sex, there will be none of that bull$hit withholding.

      SO, all a man has to do to avoid that crap is always ensure, no matter what it takes, that hes the most desirable person in the relationship, that SHES lucky to be with HIM.....that he's the prize, and if she gets out of line with that withholding BS, she's going to lose. That means getting a better job, more money, and such status boosters that make a man more of a prize....when you can choose any woman you want, just watch how they fight for you and stay in line....

      November 4, 2010 at 22:27 | Report abuse |
    • Jerv

      @ bigpimpin Is that you William?

      November 5, 2010 at 09:25 | Report abuse |
    • kimberly

      Anyone notice that the guys always talk about jobs like "change a tire, build a shed"? Those are projects that can be finished in a short time and not done again for quite awhile. Keeping a house and taking care of kids is constant 24/7 stuff that never ends. That is why it is so frustrating when a guy doesn't think that stuff is important. He really would care if it didn't get have food to eat, dishes to eat from or clean clothes. It has to be done pretty much EVERY DAY.

      November 6, 2010 at 00:48 | Report abuse |
    • Tragger

      what do you do when you do work 40 hours a week. add 25-30 hours of overtime and come home, cook your own dinner, do the dishes, take out the trash, clean the house, wash your own clothes, etc... and still... no love? what then? is that when you say, "you just married the wrong person" or is is safe to say, "it's okay to be married, you just need to get love somewhere else."?

      January 7, 2011 at 13:59 | Report abuse |
  11. J

    This is BS

    November 4, 2010 at 17:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. CatfishMammy

    Shoot! I aint gone be given up da sugar just cuz Tyrone taked out da trash! Lord no!!!

    November 4, 2010 at 17:04 | Report abuse | Reply
    • No Catfish Please

      Note to Tyrone: get out now, the puotty ain't free!

      November 4, 2010 at 17:25 | Report abuse |
    • Oda155

      ... that "Gone with the Wind" bit... it's not working, it's tired and insulting.

      November 4, 2010 at 18:07 | Report abuse |
    • David


      "...that Gone with the Wind bit...it's not working, it's tired and insulting."

      HMMmmm. I'll BET that CatfishMammy "don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies," **either.**.

      January 25, 2013 at 23:44 | Report abuse |
  13. Hacker

    Probably cheaper to pay for a cleaning lady than a prostitute.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:06 | Report abuse | Reply
    • a slozomby

      at 50% of my property and never ending alimony payments. its cheaper to pay for the cleaning lady and prostitute than get divorced.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:43 | Report abuse |
    • basic biology

      It's cheapest to help out with the chores yourself and the dividends are enormous. Why are men so resistant to helping out at home? These days, both spouses work and are tired at the end of the day. Why should one work AND work at home? Share it and be in harmony. It's fair. Be a man, not a boy.

      November 4, 2010 at 18:56 | Report abuse |
    • Waldo

      It's not that men are resistant to doing chores. It's that we don't care about the same things women care about. (statistical variations apply as always)

      If I left a pile of dishes in the sink I don't expect her to do it, I expect it to be a pile of dirty dishes in the sink which will sit there and stew until it builds up and I can't get to the faucet thus forcing me to do something about it.

      Rule number 1 of housework: In the absence of structure, messes are generally cleaned by the person with the least tolerance for mess. This is true of married couples, college roomates, etc. Since women's tolerances tend to be much lower than men's, women do most of the cleaning by default.

      So, if I am doing the dishes on a regular basis it is not "sharing the load". I am specifically doing that For Her because I could care less.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:00 | Report abuse |
  14. Nick

    Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
    A: None. It should be open when she brings it to you.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:08 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Tracy

      If I was your wife I would piss in your beer.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:16 | Report abuse |
    • coocheecoo

      I wonder also if males do some of the chores they are in a surrendering way meeting us half way. Some men are like mountain sheep, they run the female ragged till she's exhasted, then it's mating time, she's helpless to resist. Game over.

      November 4, 2010 at 21:36 | Report abuse |
    • Will

      Or just do like I do; put the mini-fridge next to the computer.

      November 5, 2010 at 07:38 | Report abuse |
    • devnull

      Tracy – if I was your husband I would have probably already left.....

      February 5, 2011 at 23:15 | Report abuse |
    • David



      January 25, 2013 at 23:50 | Report abuse |
  15. Shaun

    So whenever the wife is doing the dishes, should I be getting excited? Why the double standard??

    November 4, 2010 at 17:09 | Report abuse | Reply
    • basic biology

      Yes, both men and women should pull their fair share. Would you still be attracted to a couch-potato wife? Yes, you would. Men will hump anything while women actually have to respect and love the guy before she can enjoy it. Men: just learn this fact. I know you don't comprehend this difference between men and women but men who do, end up doing very well with the ladies. Ladies dress up in ultra stupid high heels and wear uncomfortable clothes and makeup because we know men like it. It is STUPID but we know that's what you like. You may think doing some housework is stupid but it's part of what we like. Accept it. It is a FACT. Don't want to do any? You won't be getting any but not because of "earning" it. It's because no woman wants to ride a lazy, selfish turd of a guy who will only expend effort for himself. Capiche?

      November 4, 2010 at 19:03 | Report abuse |
    • Stephen

      @basic Biology

      That was rather sexist. Not all men are like that.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:38 | Report abuse |
    • matt

      actually, women wear those clothes to make themselves feel better. i really dislike feminists. they are very hypocritical. besides, my girlfriend of two years is prettiest to me when shes in sweats, a tee and her glasses with no make up. shows what you know

      November 4, 2010 at 21:08 | Report abuse |
    • matt

      men are also more aroused when their wife makes dinner. but when I say that i am sexist

      November 4, 2010 at 21:10 | Report abuse |
    • Will

      @basic biology, Yeah, men will hump anything, so that's why we get married (ie tie ourselves to one woman the rest of our lives), work to pay for those clothes, 'cuz according to your view that woman still has to show off for us even though we dedicated our life to her, hm...and about that "selfish lazy turd" part: On behalf of all the men on here who pay the rent for the house that said woman lives in, I'll keep that in mind next time I work a 15-hour shift so my wife can have a roof over her head.

      November 5, 2010 at 07:42 | Report abuse |
    • mnhunter

      @basic biology, I'm obviosuly not the only man out there that works full time, gets the kids ready for school everyday, picks them up from school everyday, makes diner 3 times a week, cleans up after dinner, etc. etc. and still don't get any. She puts on all the high heels and makup for work and the second she comes home is into sweet pants – time for a divorce?

      November 5, 2010 at 13:33 | Report abuse |
  16. Mike

    Chores around the house? When do women do any of the following....?
    take out the trash; mow the lawn; rake the leaves; shovel the snow; sweep out the garage; pick up the dog poop; do all of the routine and other maintenance such as taking care of the cars, cleaning out the gutters, painting, changing the furnace filters, etc etc ad nauseum. These silly articles always look at it from the female's point of view, but never acknowledge the truth – that men do the bulk of the work around the house, reason being of course that men's contributions are taken for granted. There's more to "chores" than dinner and dishes.
    This is a sexist article, implying that all that men want is sex – typical PC horse-pucky. Sorry, we don't buy it. Can't take this silly article seriously, no matter who wrote it. We constantly hear about how women deserve respect, but there is never any mention of this for men. At some point society will need to acknowledge and come to grips with the clear double standard which exists between the genders, so that BOTH genders can progress......

    November 4, 2010 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Grace

      To answer your question: I do all of those things by myself when my husband is deployed plus a lot more.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:24 | Report abuse |
    • Sari in Vegas

      I do all of those.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:54 | Report abuse |
    • Sari in Vegas

      Well, except for the snow.. We don't get snow here for long enough

      November 4, 2010 at 17:55 | Report abuse |
    • BlueEyedLady

      The only thing on your list I don't do is mow the lawn, but lets not forget to mention the dishes, groceries, cooking, laundry, floors, bathrooms, beds, help kids with homework, get backpacks ready for morning, etc. etc. etc. When I work full time and come home to a full "second shift" and watch him sit on the couch all night while I am on my feet running full speed until bedtime, I guess sometimes I am a little resentful to not see him notice and pitch in just a little. I love him, but I just wish I could get him to do something other than hold the remote in the evening. It is a big turn on when I finally get to see him in action, although it is sad that I am more handy with the tool box than he is. It is amazing what feelings a little help can stir up. Giving a little help might be "stress reliever" for me, but maybe it is also a little bit of the "hunter/gatherer" thing – I just like to see him put forth a little more effort once in a while and get a little sweaty. Watching a man really work can be a real turn-on.

      November 4, 2010 at 18:14 | Report abuse |
    • single

      Mike, I do all of those things in addition to my 60+ hour/week job because I live by myself. I am reluctant to get married because there is a good chance my well behaved man will morph into someone who sits on the couch at night and expects me to take care of him. I'm exhausted and have no energy to take care of someone else and their mess. If I knew they guy would take on some of the household responsibilities, it would be doable, but these days, fat chance. Women work all day at work and then work all night at home. Men work all day at work, relax in the evenings and then do some work on the weekends. Mowing the lawn once/week is not the same as dinner every night. You know that.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:17 | Report abuse |
    • Stephen


      Sexist. Once again, not all men are like that.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:42 | Report abuse |
    • kb

      Mike, you don't really know what goes on in other folks' homes--I am a 46 year old woman and I do take out the trash, and build the gardens, plant and harvest them, and demo interior walls, replaster, build built in shelves, build my own kitchen cabinets, install sinks, scrape and handpaint (1coat primer, 2 coats latex) the exterior of our house, cook every night, volunteer 20 hours a week at school, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes my husband is beside me working, sometimes he is at work, sometimes I am on my own, but couples are as individual as snowflakes. I get that it was easier when the roles were set and in black and white--but the world isn't black and white-mostly shades of gray, and reaching out to eachother to help make a marriage work, raise the kids, pay the bills, the whole enchilada-it is the littlest thing you can do–reaching out to be kind-like doing the dishes. Or making lemonade. It just shows that for a minute you think about somebody other than yourself. We all should do it a lot more.

      November 4, 2010 at 21:50 | Report abuse |
    • teresa, ohio

      geez, Mike, I sure was married to the wrong guy, if MEN do all that you wrote.... the only thing I didnt do, was the work on the cars cuz I dont know how. But I do know how to fetch all the tools, lay on the ground w/ the hubby and hand him the tools and get just as dirty as he did. Called the parts stores, found the parts , ran and got the parts, helped put the parts on. Leaves, shoveling, mowing, trash, dog poop, breastfeed two kids, sweep, dishes, cook, groceries, homework, get the bills paid and raise both our credit scores... ya, did that too. All my hubby HAD to do was go to work: IF I WOKE HIM UP< IF I PACKED HIS LUNCH< IF I MADE HIM BREAKFAST< GOT HIM COFFEE and then it was back home for him where his dinner was waiting. Men do the bulk of the work? What men? Womens work was womens work.... he couldnt help me with that... but working on the cars and trucks with him... well... apparently thats womens work too. : )

      November 4, 2010 at 22:51 | Report abuse |
    • KC

      When I was married, we lived in an apartment, so there were no leaves to rake, no lawn to mow. The only car we had was used exclusively by him, which did not prevent him from suggesting that I should be the one to change the oil and the spark plugs so he wouldn't have to get off the couch. If I had to work late, he wouldn't nuke the leftovers in the fridge ... first he'd complain about the inconvenience to him, and then he'd go out to dinner, on MY credit card, spending more than I earned in overtime pay, to make sure it was clear to me that I was being punished for not getting his dinner on the table on time. For half the marriage, he didn't have a full-time job (and for a good chunk of that time, no job at all), so there was no reason other than sheer laziness that he couldn't have done some of the chores. But it was made clear to me that housework is women's work, and men do not do women's work. He's gotten a big surprise, that all his girlfriends after me have insisted that he's going to do his fair share; they'll nag him about it, which I wouldn't waste the energy on.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:45 | Report abuse |
    • KC

      Amen, Teresa. When *he* started a home business, I was supposed to be intricately involved in it, regardless of whether I was interested in the subject matter or not, because wives work in the family business. But when it came to *my* home business, he refused to do a thing because he wasn't interested in what I was doing. All he was interested in was spending the extra money I earned. And when his "business" failed, it was because I refused to do 100% of the work for 0% of the profit, not because he wasn't doing anything to get it off the ground; I could never get him to tell me what information he wanted in the brochure, so how could I write it, get it printed, take two weeks of vacation from my real job to stand on street corners distributing it?

      November 5, 2010 at 11:54 | Report abuse |
    • Howie

      Dead on except for one thing – all men want IS $ex. Biological imperative or just plain perverted, I want to shag 24/7. I do lots of housework, but its not enough for all the compensation I require. I could care less if she cooks, cleans, puts clothes on the kids, whatever, just GIVE IT UP!

      November 5, 2010 at 12:54 | Report abuse |
  17. Lame

    Useless. I think we're all at the point where women expect men to pitch in – with everything. And loss of sex as a result is only minor compared to complete blurring of roles, unrealistic expectations, depression and divorce. Ahhh how we've progressed......
    Exactly, my wife is a stay at home mom, I do chores around the house, I make dinner, I change dirty diapers without a though, I'm up with the sick kid at night, I bring home flowers. What does it get me? Just more criticism about how I don't care about her...

    What's even worse, women no longer want traditional gender roles, they want the man to do everything equal, except when it comes to mowing the lawn, moving boxes, cleaning gutters, and fixing the car, then that's the man's job...

    This article is a bunch of bull....

    November 4, 2010 at 17:11 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Re: Lame

      You're a lucky man Lame.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:22 | Report abuse |
    • Katy

      I wouldnt blame her for hating you if you are as close minded in real life as you are online.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:34 | Report abuse |
    • Lame

      Please explain?

      November 4, 2010 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
    • BullzFan

      Katy, you're an idiot.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:48 | Report abuse |
    • AGeek

      Lame: I know the words to this song all too well. It freaking sucks. Katy, your'e an ass. Sod off.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:49 | Report abuse |
    • Jerv

      @Katy Your comment was stupid and now we all think you are stupid.

      November 5, 2010 at 09:34 | Report abuse |
  18. Stephanie

    It is very sexy when I come home and find that my husband has done some chore. But mainly I can see the point of the article, when I am distracted or stressed out about all the stuff that I have to take care of around the house I don't really feel like having sex. Guess my husband is lucky though, he has never been wanting for sex it is the other way around.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:15 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Michael

      @Stephanie – Your comment caused me to think, so thanks for the thought provoking response. Reading these comments really shows how this is quite a hot topic. One thing almost no one is saying "What about the basic incompatibility of sexual desire in some relationships." Many people do not take this into consideration when gettng married or even when living together. If two people are not the same regarding frequency of intimacy, this will come back to "sacrifice", in one form or another.

      November 5, 2010 at 14:50 | Report abuse |
  19. Grant

    Look, another responsibility women want to shed!
    Work less, get paid more, but still be treated as a 'lady'. Bunch of garbage if you ask me.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Tracy

      No descent woman would tolerate your reasoning. If you are married I expect it will fail. If you're single, it's clear as to why.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:19 | Report abuse |
  20. Jarrod

    I read a book with this type of thinking a few years ago, "Sex Begins In the Kitchen" by Dr. Kevin Lehman. It had a religious bent to it but it was basically the same concept. I can't seem to jump on board entirely though. There is, without a doubt, a link between mental comfort and sex. However, I feel we continue to banish sex into a place where it can't be enjoyed just to enjoy it. Like the article mentioned, sex should never become a bartering tool but so often our culture portrays it as such. And it seems many of my friends are in relationships where sex is used as such. Maybe I am a little too much hedonist for some people's tastes but how about some sex for sex' sake! I am assuming most people are comfortable enough to admit to enjoying physical intimacy, so why not own it?

    November 4, 2010 at 17:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Teresa

    Wow, if you men are this bitter and whiny in real time I pity the women in your lives.

    Maybe you'll understand the concept that many of us who are single or divorced intend to stay that way because we've reached the conclusion that most men are dead weight around the house? You expect women to be live-in maids, your private fantasy in the bedroom, and in many cases also work a full-time job outside the home. To us, that feels like being taken for granted and being worked to death. No thanks! I'm happier on my own.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:19 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Eric

      LOL Teresa, Well said! But you should also give Kudo's to the few real men on this page... The ones that already knew this.

      The guys being all grumpy here are grumpy because they aren't getting any.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:22 | Report abuse |
    • Ha

      You are probably butt ugly.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:27 | Report abuse |
    • Teresa

      You're right, Eric, I intended to compliment the men who do understand.

      And to Ha, nope, I'm not. I believe the words I last heard used to describe me were "porcelain skin" and how "it matches your green eyes and red hair".

      November 4, 2010 at 17:32 | Report abuse |
    • BullzFan

      Teresa: I've read a handful of your comments to this article and have reached this conclusion after having read your comment about how you get your car checked, put up shelves yourself, and use a hair strainer in the bathtub: You are never wrong about anything and you are right about everything...and, you will never, ever admit being wrong. Thus, it is no wonder why you are happier being alone: you have to be alone, and you have to make do with it, because there's not a man in the world who could put up with you unless he's 100% whipped. It's no surprise why you are alone.

      November 4, 2010 at 18:00 | Report abuse |
    • Joseph

      I own my own business, work my butt off every day. When I get home I work all evening... taking care of my two kids. I make dinner half the nights in my house. I do the laundry every week. I clean the bathrooms. I clean the house nightly after the kids go to bed. And my wife gives me none. NONE. I don't want to hear it about men taking women for granted.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:12 | Report abuse |
    • Tracy

      I agree with you Teresa!

      November 4, 2010 at 19:20 | Report abuse |
    • AGeek

      So, Teresa, I'm dying curious here. When the men work and the women stay at home, yet the men are doing the cooking, the laundry, a bunch of the cleaning, the mowing, the shoveling, the gutter cleaning, and the kids are in school, so the men are getting the kids ready in the morning and then going off to work ...yet we're still not getting any .. what then? Will you concede some women are just plain ...oh hell, I can't even come up with a reasonable word on a family-ish channel.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:52 | Report abuse |
    • Ozmodius612

      Well said!

      Exactly why I, as a male, am single. I don't need a woman to cook for me, to clean for me, or to take "care" of me. I don't need the income and I don't want children. Therefore, I only need women for sex. Easy to get with a little effort. Perhaps it's just me, but the women I have met seem to need men more than men need them. I have yet to meet a women whom could stand to be alone for more than an hour. "I don't want to die alone" or "I'll never be alone" are phrases I have heard often. Kudos to you solitary ladies, I wish there were more of ya, perhaps if there were, men like me MIGHT be interested in your companionship.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:01 | Report abuse |
    • KC

      Amen, Sister! I showed him an article about it when the connection was discovered. Didn't sink in. A comic strip about it was posted by the front door where he'd see it every day. Didn't sink in. Even when he was unemployed (for years, not just weeks), I was expected to stay up till after midnight doing the chores after a long day at work, and still have energy to play. He didn't do a thing while he was home all day. I will not risk another relationship like that, so I stay single. The only mess I have to clean is my own.

      November 5, 2010 at 11:32 | Report abuse |
  22. M2

    This article makes the assumption that the man is not already peforming the aforementioned "chores." Not only is that gender biased in a society that has come closer to gender equality than ever before, but its a corollary effect that is being observed. The bigger observation here is not that chores=sex, its that women are hardwired for sex only when they are able to separate from the fear/anxiety of their lieves. That means all the guys reading this are not going to see any more sex if chores are performed.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Jane

    I am so glad I'm NOT married to any of the so-called men on this page. Whew!

    November 4, 2010 at 17:20 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Joseph

      Your husband will be posting here eventually too.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:56 | Report abuse |


      January 29, 2011 at 17:25 | Report abuse |
  24. JG

    I think you all are getting far too defensive and missing the point of this article. The majority of women naturally tend to feel compelled to keep the house in order and at one point that was their sole job in society. Now with women being involved in the workforce and still feeling the need to maintain a "proper" household that can lead to feeling burnt out pretty quickly. The article isn't indicating that men don't ever help out around the house, nor does it say that chores and sex should be bartered for – if fact, it say's it shouldn't be taken that way. Relationships need to be 50/50 give and take and that extends to EVERY aspect of the relationship – chores, sex, you name it! It's just saying – hey guys, if you find your love life lacking in the hanky panky department try helping your lady out because as emotional creatures when we see you all are doing something nice for us we tend to reciprocate..a great book to read is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman...kind of reminds me of this article.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Guest

      not my wife, she's the slob.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:28 | Report abuse |
    • Sy2502

      Excellent post JC.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:51 | Report abuse |
  25. Eric

    I work at home and have dinner waiting for my wife when she gets home. The same holds true for you working women, I know its hard to get aroused when your mind is going through all the "What still needs to be done"s.

    My Honey is great though, I wouldn't have married anyone else...

    November 4, 2010 at 17:21 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ali

      Do you have a single brother?

      November 4, 2010 at 21:45 | Report abuse |
  26. S

    I think the point of the article is that when a man does something unexpected or helpful the wife finds that arousing. I'm sure it works the other way as well – the wife makes the husband a nice dinner or takes out the trash etc. It's not about doing chores for sex it's about appreciating that your partner has done something nice for you which makes you want to be intimate with them.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:23 | Report abuse | Reply
    • X

      S: you got it exactly right. Thank you for your post.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:24 | Report abuse |
    • Sonria23

      S: Oh, THANK YOU! Finally, someone with a brain and some sensibility. Seriously, sifting through all of these moronic, sexist, ignorant and hateful posts was beginning to make my blood boil. You hit the nail on the head... Exactly the intent of the article. Nothing more, nothing less. Geesh, mention sex and men go totally nuts and lose the ability to think coherently.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:05 | Report abuse |
  27. Greenmick6982

    Remember in Goodfellas when Henry handed his wife a huge wad of 100's to go shopping with? What happened next? It takes a little bit more than "Aww, you washed a few dishes!" Ridiculous.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Randy

    Oh ladies, you pulled a fast one on us. During dating you'd have sex at the drop of a hat, whenever wherever. You made it seem like it was part of your DNA and would never change. We bought it got married and sex stayed the same for first year or so only because your plans weren't complete yet-no babies in the nest! But once the babies came and all your needs had been fulfilled, a funny thing happened. It's not only that you stopped being interested in sex, which is what every married guy I know is dealing with, you try to deceive us into thinking nothing has changed. You treat your man like a spoiled 8 year old asking for another scoop of ice cream when he asks to have sex. All my older married male friends warned me this would happen when i got married but i just didn't believe it. I've decided not to ask anymore until she initiates....still waiting. What I find most interesting is when a previously sexually dead married gal gets divorced how quickly she pretends to enjoy sex again in order to set up her next nesting situation. It should be considered marriage fraud.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:25 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ha

      Yep 🙂

      November 4, 2010 at 17:31 | Report abuse |
    • Teresa

      Randy, you're not choosing well. There are plenty of us out here who absolutely adore having physical relations (sorry, am cleaning it up for the vine).

      November 4, 2010 at 17:38 | Report abuse |


      November 4, 2010 at 17:59 | Report abuse |
    • X

      Randy, most women experience a dimunition in seks drive after they've had a couple of kids. It's hormonal and if women vaginally deliver 7+ lb babies, their lady parts get stretched out and seks doesn't feel as good anymore. Women with young children are also very tiired and anxious their kids will hear you shagging. Men don't really care about these things and haven't had babies so they aren't affected. If a vibrant seks life is more important to you than a family, why did you have kids? You should probably bring up your concerns with your wife and perhaps try counselling. It's hard to be left out out and I feel for you but let your wife know how you feel so you can start a resolution process. She shouldn't have to do what she doen't want but you shouldn't have to go without either. Having kids blows. I'll never do that.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:32 | Report abuse |
    • AGeek

      Wholly agreed! Couldn't have said it better myself. And no, my wife *doesn't* work. And yes, the kids *are* older now. And yes, I'm still waiting., ..and waiting ..and waiting.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:55 | Report abuse |
    • stephanie

      I think you've unintentionally proved the truth of the article with your post.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:56 | Report abuse |
    • coocheecoo

      Ahhh... you poor thing... Women understand this but can't help it sometimes. After having a child or more, we don't have the energy and some don't feel their bodies are as appealing anymore, especially if they notice their man gawking elsewhere. This is why men should share in the chores. Find out what makes your wife happy & relaxed. Smiles help,compliments, learn to play together.If that doesn't work try something else. Wine. Pounce softly while she's sleeping....be creative.

      November 4, 2010 at 21:57 | Report abuse |
    • Jerv

      Brother, that is so fuking sad. I hope you find the affection you deserve.

      November 5, 2010 at 09:47 | Report abuse |
    • BeARealMan

      I find it sad that some men with children doesn't enjoy been a father and complain that they are on longer the center of his wife's universe. After marriage with kids, I think women mature faster than men in many cases, because women feel responsible to care for the children and to run the household and to have a full time job... Some men want their wife to work outside of home to help out with family expenses and expect the wife to care for the kids and run the household at the same time ..... The things the men say they do are non-daily tasks and there is more to it than just chores around the house. It is about the maturity to take care of the family and be a involved father and a caring husband. Bottom lilne, Men has a better deal by marry the right women, you have someone to share your rent, care for YOUR kids, run the household and plan for the future....what is there to complain about other than sex? Women didn't trick you to get married, it just our priority has changed as we mature and Men still want to be boys without responsibilties. Time to grow up and be a real MEN,.

      November 5, 2010 at 10:04 | Report abuse |
    • Howie

      You said it man! Every marriage should come with a pre-nup that specifically states frequency and expressed enthusiasm of the most important thing a woman can do around the house. Years of dating, years of marriage, thru 2 kids she was the freak I fell in love with. Add another kid, the shop is closed with no forwarding address. Like someone flipped a switch. I've never been unemployed, do at least half of the traditional "women's work", and ALL of the man's, keep myself in good shape and constantly let her know I love her and think she's beautiful & sexy. Gets me NOWHERE. She acts like I am a greedy child for wanting what was the basis of our relationship to continue. Talk about an epic fraud! I am still exactly what she signed up for, but now that I feel too committed to move on (must provide stable home for children), she pulls the bait and switch. There oughtta be a law. . .

      November 5, 2010 at 13:16 | Report abuse |
  29. Chuck

    Again, this is completely ridiculous. And this idea of "choreplay" in hopes of maybe getting laid is idiotic. If you have to take the trash out to get laid guys...she is not that into you.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • X

      Chuck, women aren't into lazy couch potatos. She isn't rewarding you for taking out the trash without being asked, she's filled with admiration for her guy who's man enough to take care of his responsibilities without having to be asked. Do you see the difference? Guys who do something specifically to get lovin' (flowers) have it backfire because women see the guy for the deceitful selfish person he is. With women, intention is very important. Sound stupid to you? Doesn't matter: it's how it is. Learn from it.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:40 | Report abuse |
  30. John

    I get the kids up, feed them, make their lunches, get them to school, am home when they get home, make the beds, cook every night, do half of the dishes, etc. I am NOT saying she doesn't do anything. She works as well, and does many things around the house, but as I have increased what I do year after year to help I have actually seen our sex life drop to almost nothing. I was inteseted n this article because I have tried just about everything and she just isn't interested. (yes I have ruled out the obvious reasons, but I am not a mind reader)

    November 4, 2010 at 17:26 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Lame

      John, Teresa says you should stop whining and be happy with what you have... Most women commenting on here pity your wife for your selfishness.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:29 | Report abuse |
    • Teresa

      John, it sounds like both you and your wife are having to increase your chores. How about a getaway for 2?

      November 4, 2010 at 17:39 | Report abuse |
    • John

      Funny, I don't feel selfish for doing all I literally have time to do to help my wife and children, nor for expecting to make love to my wife which is something we are both suppose to want. I don't feel like a jerk for wanting to help her more and have a better relationship. I think a getaway would be great, but I can't even talk her into that. Obviously there is a larger problem I am having trouble getting her to talk about and work with me on. I dealing with it, but keeping my eye and ear out for new ideas that my mind can't come up with that may connect with her. BTW, this is about more than sex, but a marrid man doesn't do well without any.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:46 | Report abuse |
    • Teresa

      I'm sorry it's not going well. Hang in there, you sound like a loving family man.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:50 | Report abuse |
    • jimmy

      No sex for you because you are her slave and does not respect you. Tell her to do some shit around the house, take command, grab your sack and be a man.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:49 | Report abuse |
    • teresa, ohio

      John: how are you able to see the kids off to school and be there when they get home? Do you work full time or part time? Do you work on a computer and does your wife work on her feet? Tip for you: you want some sex: give your wife a back massage or foot rub if she is on her feet all day. And then just work toward the goal.

      Some of you people actually think the MORE HOUSEWORK/ CHORES you do, you should get more sex... Nah, all those chores are making you boring and have you looked at your hair lately? Time to spruce up if youre wantin some. ; )

      November 4, 2010 at 23:00 | Report abuse |
    • Jerv

      I have to agree with Jimmy on this one. The problem is she has zero respect for you. Stop doing anything for her and concentrate on the kids and you and I guarantee you that will get her attention.

      November 5, 2010 at 09:54 | Report abuse |
  31. Wanker

    Talk to the hand.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:27 | Report abuse | Reply
    • coocheecoo

      I'll have to admit it as a woman, if a man does too many chores, you just became too womanish, you become a slave and you're half past dead. It's a turnoff to most women and yes they lose respect for you. Don't lose your masculinity...hold your station as a man.. and for heavens sake don't put an apron on.

      November 4, 2010 at 22:10 | Report abuse |
  32. CaptMarcos

    Hey no problem ladies, maybe I'll fix those soft fading brakes in your car...or maybe I won't if I have sex and a bunch of other things on my mind. I'll remember this article next time my lady needs that shelf hung, light fixed and that drain YOU clogged up with your hair, no problem girls, we can withhold everything else in the relationship. Trust me when I say that if you girls aren't putting out, someone else is for your man.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ha

      Very true.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:32 | Report abuse |
    • Teresa

      I have my car checked out regularly, so I don't need you to fix my brakes. I know how to hang my own shelves because my dad built custom homes and I can use power tools. There's a little mesh screen that keeps my hair from clogging the drain. I'm looking for someone who adds to my life, not drains my energy. I'd rather be out road tripping, trying new restaurants, riding the bikepaths, etc. The key is mutual respect.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:45 | Report abuse |
    • X

      Capt, most women don't withold sex to get their men to help out as your comment would suggest. Most woment simply aren't in the mood and if a guy helps out, her mood is likely to get better. If a woman brings you a cold beer, don't you feel appreciative towards her? Not really for the beer but because she did something nice. That's what it's about. Someone witholding sex in a punitive way is not very nice. Someone who's just tired is normal. Help her out and she'll be happy with her nice guy. It's pretty simple.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:47 | Report abuse |
    • coocheecoo

      Just the fact that you say :women 'putting it out' for you, tells women something about you.Women are human beings for heavens sake, not animals. Of course there's other women who will "put out for you" if that's all you want. Just do a few chores!!!!!

      November 4, 2010 at 22:21 | Report abuse |
    • Jerv

      Spot on....

      November 5, 2010 at 09:56 | Report abuse |
    • Sonria23

      You're a total ass. Obviously men have not climbed up the evolutionary ladder as quickly as women. You're still hanging off the bottom rung with one hand, scratching your balls with the other. Your primal need for sex comes from nature's intent to see that the species continue to reproduce and thrive. Women have moved up the ladder and beyond procreation. Now it's all about nurturing the partner family you do have, and there is no need to keep reproducing for survival of the species. In fact, all the aholes commenting on here should seriously think twice before procreating. We have enough cave men out there that need to go extinct! Sex is fulfilling for what, that 8 seconds of bliss you guys covet? Then what? You're empty douchebags complaining about sex again.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:16 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      Its funny because I would totally let go of the bottom rung of a ladder to scratch my balls.

      November 5, 2010 at 14:04 | Report abuse |
    • Michael

      @Sonria23 – Attitudes like your's are the reason why so many people are frustrated out there. The female of our species is no further up the evolutionary ladder and no further down. We are all equal and we are equally harmed by attitudes like your's.

      November 5, 2010 at 16:21 | Report abuse |
  33. Matt

    RE: the photo in the story:

    I don't care who you are... if you're a man who wears orange cleaning gloves while doing dishes, you're not getting laid.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:29 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Greenmick6982

      I was thinkin the exact same thing! What a dork! Cheers Matt!

      November 4, 2010 at 17:31 | Report abuse |
    • X

      So says the guy with the dick. Argument from authority? That guy looks pretty shagalicious to me. He won't be using that kind of glove in the bedroom and looks like the type who might be interested in learning and providing what I like while I do the same for him. Women are attracted to men who are into their lady's needs as much as their own. Slam, bam, thank you ma'am is useless to us. We want a partner: in the bedroom, kitchen, workplace...etc. Orange gloves are appropriate in the kitchen and only a homophobe or 1950s woman would feel threatened by them.

      November 4, 2010 at 19:54 | Report abuse |
    • AGeek

      Oh, sure he is. I bet his boyfriend/husband loves it when he wears those gloves!

      November 4, 2010 at 20:04 | Report abuse |
    • Matt


      I'm just saying that women tend to not be into men who are afraid of getting prune fingers.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:22 | Report abuse |
    • Brian

      It's not all about the prune hands. I wear gloves everytime I wash dishes. Reason: If I didn't I would have 3rd degree burns covering my hands. I for one believe in using the hottest water I can to clean something I'm going to eat off.

      November 5, 2010 at 06:48 | Report abuse |
    • fuyuko

      personally, the guy is hot. more for me I guess.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:22 | Report abuse |
  34. Horny

    I work all day, do the chores outside, my wife doesn't cook and wants me to clean and I get absolutely no sex...10 times a year if lucky!! I need a new wife.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:33 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Ha

      Or outsource 🙂

      November 4, 2010 at 17:34 | Report abuse |
    • coocheecoo

      You need to be more assertive. Sounds like lack of your wife respecting you now. You overdd it and did TOO many chores. Hold your ground, through the rubber gloves and apron on the kitchen floor in front of her and stomp off like a woman. Go on strike for a while. Give her the silent treatment. Call her by another woman's name a fews times.Tell her not tonight Honey, I'm tired tonight and I have a headache. I honestly feel sorry for you... she's a Taker and you're a giver. That hurts. But don't cheat regardless, find a solution.

      November 4, 2010 at 22:38 | Report abuse |
    • teresa, ohio

      Horny: make up yer mind: you get absolutely no sex, but MAYBE ten times a year? that is almost once a month... that is pretty good. I'm guessing youv'e been married about 10 yrs? I think your wife needs a new hubby: she only getting sex 10 Xs a year....

      November 4, 2010 at 22:56 | Report abuse |
    • Mok

      Time to head to Vegas man

      November 5, 2010 at 10:38 | Report abuse |
    • Michael

      @Teresa,ohio – 10 times a year is a "sexless marriage" according to articles written this month on this same website. Who gave you the wisdom to judge the rest of humankind?

      November 5, 2010 at 16:26 | Report abuse |
  35. jillmarie

    Both my husband and I work, hate to clean, so it's a challenge. I do feel like I bear the brunt of the housework. Hopefully, one day soon we can afford to pay someone to clean our house occasionally. A few years back I could afford it and paid for it myself. I can't anymore, but it did alleviate the pressure! I hate arguing over housework. I usually change the subject.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. xiaobao

    Americans love to divide everyone up don't they? My husband and I do the same chores whenever its necessary, we don't even see it as designated tasks or "fair share" or some nonsense. The family is one single unit.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:39 | Report abuse | Reply
    • jillmarie

      So true! We do cook together most nights of the week. It's a nice way to bond.

      November 4, 2010 at 18:06 | Report abuse |
    • fuyuko

      it only really works this way when you have similar feelings or levels of cleanliness. if you marry a slob for instance, the workload is harder to divvy up without resentment.

      November 5, 2010 at 12:23 | Report abuse |
  37. patty

    This is for the most part true. If you both work full time, the chores have to be shared. A woman who feels like your servant outside the bedroom isn't going to be much fun inside the bedroom!

    Taking it one step further...cooking together can lead to great things!

    November 4, 2010 at 17:43 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Teresa

      You're so right about cooking together! Best. couple. memories. ever.

      November 4, 2010 at 17:47 | Report abuse |
  38. D

    What a bunch of crap! Men should be helping around the house. We both work full time job with the same hours, and I'm suppose to come home and take care of household chores all by myself. No, I don't think so. My husband should be helping around the house, and not for sex in return. It always seems like people want a reward for doing what they should be doing. "I help with chores" "I help with the kids"..Uh you're suppose to do those things.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:45 | Report abuse | Reply
    • A

      could you come tell my husband that?

      November 4, 2010 at 17:51 | Report abuse |
    • Brian

      Could you tell my wife that?

      November 5, 2010 at 06:52 | Report abuse |
  39. Miguel


    November 4, 2010 at 17:47 | Report abuse | Reply
    • CSnord

      You married the wrong girl? I'm just sayin'.....

      November 4, 2010 at 17:53 | Report abuse |
    • Travis

      yea, you're doing to much. start being a jerk and she will consider you a challenge. she'll be all over you.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:45 | Report abuse |
    • Joseph

      CSnord. Don't kid yourself. All women hate sex at some point into their marriages. You go from dating where you get sexed up all the time to 10 years of marriage where you are lucky to do it once a month even with all of the extra work that needs to go into it. Women have to have constant positive reinforcement or otherwise you have a cold fish every night. Easier to just beat off since women don't really seem to care anyway no matter how you try to spice it up. Every 30 days when the mood hits her I have to be ready no matter how tired I am or risk not having any for 60 days. It's absurd really.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:55 | Report abuse |
    • coocheecoo

      She knows she has you. Don't do all these things if you're working and doing just about everything. She's taking you for granted, has no respect. Go on strike & reject her for a while. Go out with the boys. If she challenges you, stand your ground as a man peacefully and politely. Write a comparing note of all the stuff you are doing and the few things she's doing and leave it out for her to find and read while she's ALONE. Don't whimp out, a lot of women lose interest in a man when they do TOO much, a sign of weakness. Notes are a good form of communication. Never put your wife down in front of others, especially when they're with you, that's almost irreversible damage.No sex? she may be hurting about something. Ask her what she wants???

      November 4, 2010 at 22:57 | Report abuse |
    • coocheecoo

      @Miguel- when someone doesn't want sex at all there's a reason. Sometimes it cheating. It's terrible to be cheated on.

      November 4, 2010 at 23:25 | Report abuse |
    • LeLe

      She might have something wrong with her physically, something hormonal. My best friend is like this. She really DOES NOT DESIRE SEX AT ALL. She has been married for about 17 years and her husband is constantly cheating on her. She saiys she just doesn't want to have sex and could do without the rest of her life(she is only 39). She says she doesn't care because she doesn't want to have sex with him anyway so he can find someone else. I on the other hand would have sex everyday if I could and I am divorced live in a small town and never meet anyone!!! Lets just say it's been a long couple of years and I have a dishwasher...LOL

      November 4, 2010 at 23:42 | Report abuse |
  40. npg

    just use paper plates...no mess, no work, and you get laid

    November 4, 2010 at 17:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. A

    my husband doesn't do anything around the house, ever, but i think if he did then this story would be true......

    November 4, 2010 at 17:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Publius

    Hmm...as a compromise, why don't all the couples who are parents put those kiddies to work on the clean-up duties? If you have to pay them a few bucks a week as allowance/compensation then so be it.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. Dave

    Ok, lets review my normal day.
    Up at 0545 to get the boy off to school, allowing the wife to sleep in if she is off that day, she works 3 12 hour shifts per week. Go to work and do my 9 hours at the salt mine. Sometime during the day make the phone calls that have to be made for Dr appointments, bill payments etc. Come home from work, pick up dog poo, feed the dogs, vacuum the first floor of the house (3 dogs) everyday, make supper, fold laundry while supper is cooking, take 15 minutes to eat, do the dishes/clean up the kitchen, attend to my wife laying on the couch because it her "day off", bring the dogs out for the evening piss, watch the news, go to bed and expect no sex. Why do I think about divorce often???

    November 4, 2010 at 17:54 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sonria23

      Get rid of the filthy dogs. That'll eliminate some work.

      November 5, 2010 at 13:20 | Report abuse |
    • Jessica

      Don't you WALK the dogs? Jeez.... animal neglect and cruelty. 🙁

      November 5, 2010 at 17:08 | Report abuse |
  44. CSnord

    If you give me [fill in the blank here], then I'll give you sex. That sounds a lot like the oldest profession in the world, to me.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. Borris

    Do women help the men with their chores to get better sex in bed or more cuddle time? Come home, pull the weeds, change the oil in the car, mow the lawn, fix the stuff that is broken etc.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. Karen

    I can't really get interested in cleaning the kitchen or bathroom until I've had an orgasm in the bedroom. Then I'm all relaxed and can enjoy my chores.

    November 4, 2010 at 17:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Nice...

      I Love You!

      November 4, 2010 at 19:59 | Report abuse |
    • Michael

      And I will be right beside you, helping and enjoying. What a refreshing comment. Thank you!

      November 5, 2010 at 16:38 | Report abuse |
  47. Sy2502

    Some of the comments here are appalling. As many said, I sure am glad I am not married to any of them.
    Modern life is stressful and draining. We commute to work in snail-pace traffic. We work long hours. We have a house to take care of, and children to raise. Unless you are a lazy bum who sits on his behind all day, I don't see how anybody isn't tired all the time. That doesn't exactly do miracles for the $ex life. And that's valid for both men and women.
    I think this article simply perpetuates the tired old stereotypes of the woman who doesn't want to have $ex and the man who sits on his butt doing nothing. That some men still see helping with the chores as a odd and unusual thing is disheartening. So is the thought of giving $ex in exchange for chores done. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce when this is the attitude. Here's a new one: a family is a team, each invested with the responsibility of doing everything possible to make it work. Wow, that's a bizarre idea!

    November 4, 2010 at 17:59 | Report abuse | Reply
    • AGeek

      I completely agree, Sy. You should sit down and explain this to some of our wives.

      November 4, 2010 at 20:09 | Report abuse |
  48. IrishWoG

    I don't believe that this article applies to all women but the concept does.
    It's all about the women feeling that their love language is being spoken (five love languages are "acts of service" "physical touch" "gifts" "words of encouragement" "quality time". If a women's love language is "acts of service" then of course her husband helping her around the house will help her get turned on. But if the husband is doing all he can around the house but the wife's love language is "words of encouragement" and she never hears an encouraging word out of her husband's mouth – of course she won't feel in the mood.
    The key? Communication. How can a couple fufill each other's love language (because, yes, a guy needs to have their love language spoken as well) if they do not know what it is that the other person needs?

    November 4, 2010 at 18:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. jasonsb

    Housework has nothing to do with sex. Either your wife wants to jump your bones all the time or she doesn't. Mine does and I love it. If yours doesn't, I feel for you.

    November 4, 2010 at 18:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. fuyuko

    i think men like women get away with whatever they are allowed to get away with.

    the women in our house do all the chores. dad only takes out the trash can, and an odd job here and there. if he is asked to do something, he usually punishes the person asking by forcing her to hold the tools or fetch things for him while he fixes whatever it is, so we end up doing it too. it is usually harder to get dad to do something than to do it ourselves.

    fortunately, I have learned to be quite handy now with tools and putting things together. I think it would be nice if dad would participate and do things around the house, but this will never happen.

    November 4, 2010 at 18:38 | Report abuse | Reply
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