home
RSS
Why you should have sex at least once a week
October 21st, 2010
12:45 PM ET

Why you should have sex at least once a week

Couples often ask me how frequently they should be having sex, and, until recently, I’ve always responded that there’s no one right answer. After all, a couple’s sex life is affected by so many different factors: age, lifestyle, each partner’s health and natural libido and, of course,  the quality of their overall relationship to name just a few.

What might seem like too much sex to one person may seem like too little to another: (Remember that scene in Annie Hall, in which Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are discussing their sex life, split-screen, with their respective therapists? Asks Woody’s therapist, “How often do you sleep together?”  To which he responds: “Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.” Meanwhile, Diane Keaton’s therapist is asking her the very same question, and she replies, “Constantly. I'd say three times a week.”)

Every couple have to find their own middle ground. As my colleague and fellow contributor to Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says: “If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle, having sex a bit more than one partner likes but probably a bit less than the other likes.”

So while there may be no one right answer to the question of how often couples should have sex, lately I’ve somewhat been less equivocal and advising couples to try to do it at least once a week. That’s because I believe that sex ruts are becoming epidemic. Not long ago CNN reported that 40 million Americans are stuck in sexless marriages, and in my own practice I’ve seen an increase in sex ruts and low-desire relationships due to a number of factors:

  • The stress of the recession and the toll it’s taking on relationships
  • Couples are too busy and too tired for sex
  • The side effects of many medications which inhibit desire (especially anti-depressants in the SSRI family)
  • The easy access to Internet porn
  • The rise in obesity and other health/lifestyle issues that dampen libido

Sex seems to be rapidly falling to the bottom of America’s to-do list but, in my experience, when couples stop having sex their relationships become vulnerable: to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. I believe that sex matters: It’s the glue that keeps us together and, without it, couples become “good friends” at best or “bickering roommates” at worst.

Beyond the fact that sex is fun and free and enables couples to stay tuned in and turned on, what are some other reasons to do it this week?

  • Sex rejuvenates you, relieves stress, boosts immunity, releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins, and—in men—improves prostate health.
  • A healthy sex life may even make you a superstar at the office: Recent research by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D,. suggests that people who enjoy regular sex may be more successful at work, possibly because sex can increase confidence and increase self-esteem.

So go ahead and break that rut! Sex is a little like exercise. Once we stop doing it, it’s easy to get stuck in a slump, but once we get back on track, we remember how much we missed it. The old adage “use it or lose it” has some truth. So does my suggestion, “try it, you'll like it.” It's easy to forget how much fun sex can be, and just having sex once a week will put you back in a regular groove.

And if you’re stuck in a sex rut, think about the following:

1.      Exercise and eat right. Your sexual health is connected to your overall health, and it's no surprise that people who have sex more frequently are also healthier overall. If you're too tired for sex, it probably means you're too tired in other areas as well, and that you're not taking care of yourself as much as you should be.

2.      Minimize stress. Not only does stress release cortisol, which inhibits testosterone, but studies have also shown that for a woman to want to have sex (and to enjoy it) parts of the female brain associated with outside stressors need to deactivate. So figure out what's stressing you out and put together a plan with your partner to deal with it.

3.      Turn off (your computers), so you have some time to tune in to your partner and turn on. When you look at all of the precious time that gets sucked up by Facebook, surfing the Web, and email, no wonder you're plopping into bed exhausted and spent.

4.      Give your partner a hug. Non-sexual physical intimacy builds a foundation for sexual desire. Studies show that a 20-second hug raises oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is also known as the “cuddle hormone” and facilitates a sense of love and connection, especially in women. Most couples don’t take the time to hug at all, much less for 20 seconds.

In the end, remember, if you want to have a satisfying sex life, you have to have the sort of relationship that supports your sex life. Studies show that the difference between those relationships that succeed and those that fail is the ability to have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. It’s actually believed that the ratio should be 5 to 1 — five positive interactions for every negative one. Of course, you can’t go through life tallying every interaction, but you can know whether you’re fundamentally in positive or negative territory and start swinging the pendulum back to where it belongs.

Like the Nike ad says, Just do it!

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.


« Previous entry
soundoff (3,116 Responses)
  1. RV Dashboard Los Angeles

    https://www.chiefarchitect.com/go?resource=redirect&url=https://ocrvart.com/rv-repair-shop-stanton-california

    May 24, 2021 at 11:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. geico store near me

    There is definately a great deal to find out about this subject. I love all the points you've made.

    http://clevacances032.clevacances.com/stat.php?langue=fr&id_location=HLOMIP032MS00786&agrement=32MS00786&type_location=meuble&id_departement=032&acces_site=1&url=https://ocrvcenter.com/rv-repair-shop-santa-clarita-california

    May 24, 2021 at 12:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. water pipe size chart

    Best 30 Head Cửa Hàng In Colorado Springs, Co With Reviewsmetal one hitter pipeWe pride ourselves on being friendly and helpful, no matter what your needs or experience is. Come on in to just sit and relax, never the pressure sale or the hurry làm đẹp your mind mentality..

    https://pilotdiarystore.com/

    May 24, 2021 at 13:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. AdamMirkovich

    I opened up a blogspot website and when I closed it 15 or so new windows opened back up to the same site. Why did that happen? Was it a virus?. Will it hurt my computer? How do I find it and get rid of it? I am running 2 virus scans right now but if those do not find it, how do I find it?.

    https://catchthemes.com/support-forum/users/quisko/

    May 24, 2021 at 17:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. QuizzesSusic

    How do I start a website that costs me nothing at all?

    https://artistecard.com/quizzespro

    May 24, 2021 at 17:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. AdamMirkovich

    I wanted to start making some money off of my blog, how would I go about doing so? What about google adsense or other programs like it?.

    https://catchthemes.com/support-forum/users/quisko/

    May 24, 2021 at 17:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. JenniferErich

    Hi,. I am new to joomla and my boss is asking me to add some of the joomla functionality to the current website so that the owner of the website can itself modify the contents. I am having no idea about how to do that. My boss says that there is no need to re-build the website in joomla. If anybody can help me, I will be highly obliged.. Thanks.

    http://www.nfomedia.com/3580/home.nfo

    May 24, 2021 at 17:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. tv bongda

    Links Coi Thẳng Mu Vs Psg Khuôn Khổ Vòng Ngựcthedo.tiviTV101vn là trang website coi tv online, xem phim truyền hình, các công tác thể thao, lịch trình thực tế, xem bóng đá trực tuyến trong và ngoài nước hoàn toàn free, cùng với hóa học lượng cao.

    https://www.thedolive.cc/

    May 24, 2021 at 18:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. RV Mattresses Orange County

    Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve visited your blog before but after looking at many of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m certainly delighted I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!

    http://nilaima.com/link.php?url=https://andre7j3w3.fare-blog.com/3490138/considerations-to-know-about-rv-repairs-near-me

    May 24, 2021 at 18:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. tow truck repair

    There's definately a great deal to learn about this subject. I like all the points you made.

    http://glorioustronics.com/redirect.php?link=https://web-movimento.it/viewtopic.php?id=51125

    May 24, 2021 at 19:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. motorhome repair

    http://gamekouryaku.com/dq8/search/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=3552&url=http://zanellacasa.com/tutto-per-la-casa.html?tmpl=component&print=1&start=360290

    May 24, 2021 at 21:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. progressive photo inspection near me

    http://koromo.co.jp/files/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=1260&url=http://fukushima-nouki.com/blog/archives/1783

    May 24, 2021 at 21:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. RV Cabinet Los Angeles

    &loyalty_id=14481&member_id=b01bbee6-4592-4345-a0ee-5d71ed6f1929

    May 24, 2021 at 21:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. RV Camera Orange County

    Everything is very open with a very clear description of the challenges. It was really informative. Your website is extremely helpful. Thanks for sharing!

    http://localbusiness.nwfdailynews.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=salonjax.com/2014/03/the-truth-about-ethnic-hair/

    May 24, 2021 at 21:58 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. Used Forklift Maintenance California

    You've made some good points there. I checked on the internet to learn more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this website.

    https://foaf-visualizer.gnu.org.ua/?url=http://forkliftswildwestlifttrucks.com/unicarrier-forklift-repair-orange-county-california/

    May 24, 2021 at 23:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. Digital Marketing Agencies

    Right here is the perfect webpage for everyone who would like to find out about this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally would want to…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a subject that has been discussed for decades. Excellent stuff, just wonderful!

    http://5cfxm.hxrs6.servertrust.com/v/affiliate/setCookie.asp?catId=1180&return=https://affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 00:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. Local Marketing Company

    https://ax.bk55.ru/cur/www/delivery/ck.php?oaparams=2__bannerid=4248__zoneid=141__OXLCA=1__cb=1be00d870a__oadest=http3A2F2Faffordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 01:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. SEO Marketing Companies Near Me

    An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been conducting a little research on this. And he actually ordered me dinner due to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to talk about this matter here on your web page.

    http://www.milliondollars.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 01:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Forklift Service Shop Near Me

    Pretty! This was a really wonderful post. Thank you for providing these details.

    http://shp.hu/hpc_uj/click.php?ml=5&url=http://forkliftswildwestlifttrucks.com/corona-forklifts

    May 25, 2021 at 03:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. Forklift For Sale Los Angeles

    A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. There's no doubt that that you need to publish more on this topic, it might not be a taboo matter but usually people do not talk about such issues. To the next! Best wishes!!

    https://www.shop-bell.com/out.php?id=kibocase&category=ladies&url=http://forkliftswildwestlifttrucks.com/cypress-forklifts

    May 25, 2021 at 03:51 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. Internet Marketing Consultants Near Me

    I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it. I've got you book-marked to check out new stuff you post…

    http://www.azrotv.com/pyr/fplyr1.php?id=http://affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 06:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Social Media Marketing Specialist Near Me

    http://colorsonparade.info/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 06:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Forklifts Los Angeles

    https://m.meetme.com/mobile/redirect/unsafe?url=https://forkliftswildwestlifttrucks.com/warehouse-forklift-repair-orange-county-california/

    May 25, 2021 at 07:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. Forklift Dealer Near Me

    https://hslda.org/content/a/LinkTracker.aspx?id=4015475&appeal=385&package=36&uri=https://forkliftswildwestlifttrucks.com/pape-forklift-repair-orange-county-california

    May 25, 2021 at 07:54 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. Local Marketing Experts

    You should take part in a contest for one of the greatest blogs on the net. I most certainly will recommend this website!

    https://minecraft-galaxy.ru/redirect/?url=https://affordableranking.com/

    May 25, 2021 at 09:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. Video Marketing Business

    I was able to find good info from your blog posts.

    http://www.viermalvier.de/ubbthreads.php?ubb=changeprefs&what=style&value=4&curl=https://affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 10:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. Internet Marketing Agency Near Me

    This is a very good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere. Brief but very precise information… Thank you for sharing this one. A must read article!

    http://jamsandjellies.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=www.affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 11:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Social Media Marketing Firms

    https://1chassis.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 11:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. Digital Marketing Companies

    https://www.rushcommerce.com/click.php?bannerid=845&partner=7388&promo=&url=https://www.affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 14:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. Digital Marketing Specialist

    Very good article! We are linking to this great content on our website. Keep up the great writing.

    http://worldwidewords.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 14:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. Video Marketing Consultant

    Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful post. Thank you for supplying this info.

    http://neapolitantfamily.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 14:43 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. Social Media Marketing Service

    https://www.earone.it/redirect.php?url=https://www.affordableranking.com/

    May 25, 2021 at 15:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. Content Marketing Boutique

    It’s nearly impossible to find experienced people about this subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks

    http://www.eightyseven.mobi/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 15:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Content Marketing Consultant

    This is a topic that's close to my heart... Best wishes! Exactly where are your contact details though?

    https://koreanstockmarket.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 16:40 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. truc. tiep bong da

    Tổ Hợp Những Phần Mềm Hoặc, Nên Cài Đặt Mang Đến Android Tv Boxtruc tiêp bong đaTV101vn là trang website xem tv trực tuyến, xem phim truyền hình, các công tác thể thao, chương trình thực tiễn, coi soccer trực tuyến trong và ngoài nước trả toàn không tính phí, với chất lượng cao.

    https://www.thedolive.cc/

    May 25, 2021 at 18:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. manchester united shop

    {Bảng bao gồm các số liệu đo đếm đểmón ngon mỗi ngàyquý khách dễ dàng dàng cầm bắt tình hình, đối chiếu, phân tích kết quả của các nhóm. Bạn sẽ ngay ngay lập tức mò được lịch tranh tài mới nhất nhất, kết quả trận đấu, tư vấn soi kèo, và tỷ trọng kèo nhà dòng. Trang cung cung cấp các link, video truyền hình thẳng giải vô địch đất nước bên trên toàn thế giới.|Bên cạnh đó, Sport 247 sẽ tường thuật trực tiếp bóng đá tất cả những trận đấu mới nhất vào ngày cùng với những diễn biến chuyển mê hoặc và đoạn phim bàn thắng bản quyền.

    https://doanvat.top/

    May 25, 2021 at 18:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. Social Media Marketing Specialist Near Me

    I blog quite often and I genuinely appreciate your information. This article has truly peaked my interest. I'm going to book mark your blog and keep checking for new details about once per week. I subscribed to your RSS feed too.

    https://matakanacoast.co.nz/Redirect.aspx?destination=https://affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 19:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. Digital Marketing Firms

    Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up and the rest of the site is very good.

    https://www.urbanweddings.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 20:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. Content Marketing Experts

    https://cacaboudin.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 20:41 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. Social Media Marketing Market

    https://portals.clio.me/se/historia/7-9/sso/logout/?redirectUrl=http://affordableranking.com/

    May 25, 2021 at 20:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Digital Marketing Business

    http://gtat.co.uk/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=affordableranking.com

    May 25, 2021 at 21:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. Social Media Marketing Experts

    This is the right website for everyone who hopes to understand this topic. You know so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa). You definitely put a brand new spin on a subject which has been written about for years. Excellent stuff, just excellent!

    https://chemringenergetics.de/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=http://www.affordableranking.com/

    May 25, 2021 at 21:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. brimonidine

    brimonidine tartrate ophthalmic brimonidine how it works

    May 25, 2021 at 21:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. furniture repair in orange county ca

    /

    May 25, 2021 at 23:50 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. toy hauler remodel

    https://www.chara-ani.com/redirect.aspx?grp=ad&url=http://octechnology.co/lenovo_logo_2015-svg/

    May 26, 2021 at 00:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. rv ac maintenance

    Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful post. Thanks for providing this information.

    /

    May 26, 2021 at 01:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. rv air conditioner repair near me

    Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after browsing through some of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely delighted I came across it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back often!

    https://www.anapa-official.ru/?go=https://conversaliteraria.com.br/?p=259&cpage=13

    May 26, 2021 at 01:29 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. RV Camera California

    /

    May 26, 2021 at 01:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. RV Headlights Los Angeles

    https://www.ladygamer.jp/ws/rank.cgi?mode=link&id=299&url=https://www.frostingbarcelona.com/dulce-budapest-goamama-coffee/desayuno_goamamacoffee_budapest_frostingbarcelona5/comment-page-4855/

    May 26, 2021 at 01:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. box truck repair parts

    http://www.spacioclub.ru/forum_script/url/?go=http://www.ingenieurleistungenreiter.com/index.php?option=com_phocaguestbook&view=phocaguestbook&id=1&Itemid=4&t=4540&limitstart=29420

    May 26, 2021 at 04:04 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56

Leave a Reply to Social Media Marketing Firms


 

CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

« Previous entry
Advertisement
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.