Why you should have sex at least once a week
October 21st, 2010
12:45 PM ET

Why you should have sex at least once a week

Couples often ask me how frequently they should be having sex, and, until recently, I’ve always responded that there’s no one right answer. After all, a couple’s sex life is affected by so many different factors: age, lifestyle, each partner’s health and natural libido and, of course,  the quality of their overall relationship to name just a few.

What might seem like too much sex to one person may seem like too little to another: (Remember that scene in Annie Hall, in which Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are discussing their sex life, split-screen, with their respective therapists? Asks Woody’s therapist, “How often do you sleep together?”  To which he responds: “Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.” Meanwhile, Diane Keaton’s therapist is asking her the very same question, and she replies, “Constantly. I'd say three times a week.”)

Every couple have to find their own middle ground. As my colleague and fellow contributor to Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says: “If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle, having sex a bit more than one partner likes but probably a bit less than the other likes.”

So while there may be no one right answer to the question of how often couples should have sex, lately I’ve somewhat been less equivocal and advising couples to try to do it at least once a week. That’s because I believe that sex ruts are becoming epidemic. Not long ago CNN reported that 40 million Americans are stuck in sexless marriages, and in my own practice I’ve seen an increase in sex ruts and low-desire relationships due to a number of factors:

  • The stress of the recession and the toll it’s taking on relationships
  • Couples are too busy and too tired for sex
  • The side effects of many medications which inhibit desire (especially anti-depressants in the SSRI family)
  • The easy access to Internet porn
  • The rise in obesity and other health/lifestyle issues that dampen libido

Sex seems to be rapidly falling to the bottom of America’s to-do list but, in my experience, when couples stop having sex their relationships become vulnerable: to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. I believe that sex matters: It’s the glue that keeps us together and, without it, couples become “good friends” at best or “bickering roommates” at worst.

Beyond the fact that sex is fun and free and enables couples to stay tuned in and turned on, what are some other reasons to do it this week?

  • Sex rejuvenates you, relieves stress, boosts immunity, releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins, and—in men—improves prostate health.
  • A healthy sex life may even make you a superstar at the office: Recent research by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D,. suggests that people who enjoy regular sex may be more successful at work, possibly because sex can increase confidence and increase self-esteem.

So go ahead and break that rut! Sex is a little like exercise. Once we stop doing it, it’s easy to get stuck in a slump, but once we get back on track, we remember how much we missed it. The old adage “use it or lose it” has some truth. So does my suggestion, “try it, you'll like it.” It's easy to forget how much fun sex can be, and just having sex once a week will put you back in a regular groove.

And if you’re stuck in a sex rut, think about the following:

1.      Exercise and eat right. Your sexual health is connected to your overall health, and it's no surprise that people who have sex more frequently are also healthier overall. If you're too tired for sex, it probably means you're too tired in other areas as well, and that you're not taking care of yourself as much as you should be.

2.      Minimize stress. Not only does stress release cortisol, which inhibits testosterone, but studies have also shown that for a woman to want to have sex (and to enjoy it) parts of the female brain associated with outside stressors need to deactivate. So figure out what's stressing you out and put together a plan with your partner to deal with it.

3.      Turn off (your computers), so you have some time to tune in to your partner and turn on. When you look at all of the precious time that gets sucked up by Facebook, surfing the Web, and email, no wonder you're plopping into bed exhausted and spent.

4.      Give your partner a hug. Non-sexual physical intimacy builds a foundation for sexual desire. Studies show that a 20-second hug raises oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is also known as the “cuddle hormone” and facilitates a sense of love and connection, especially in women. Most couples don’t take the time to hug at all, much less for 20 seconds.

In the end, remember, if you want to have a satisfying sex life, you have to have the sort of relationship that supports your sex life. Studies show that the difference between those relationships that succeed and those that fail is the ability to have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. It’s actually believed that the ratio should be 5 to 1 — five positive interactions for every negative one. Of course, you can’t go through life tallying every interaction, but you can know whether you’re fundamentally in positive or negative territory and start swinging the pendulum back to where it belongs.

Like the Nike ad says, Just do it!

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author. Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

« Previous entry
soundoff (3,119 Responses)
  1. rv remodeling companies near me

    You are so cool! I don't suppose I've truly read through a single thing like this before. So great to find another person with a few original thoughts on this subject. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This website is one thing that's needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!


    May 21, 2021 at 17:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  2. Internet Marketing Company Near Me

    Good post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon every day. It's always interesting to read articles from other authors and practice a little something from their web sites.


    May 21, 2021 at 18:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  3. rv services near me

    May I just say what a comfort to uncover someone who actually understands what they are discussing on the net. You certainly understand how to bring an issue to light and make it important. A lot more people need to check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you're not more popular given that you certainly have the gift.


    May 21, 2021 at 20:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  4. bundesliga 2 table

    {Bảng bao gồm những số liệu đo đếm đểPep Guardiolabạn dễ dàng dàng nắm bắt tình hình, đối chiếu, đối chiếu kết trái của những nhóm. Bạn sẽ tức thì lập tức tìm được lịch tranh tài mới nhất, kết trái trận đấu, tư vấn soi kèo, và tỷ trọng kèo Nhà CửA chiếc. Trang cung cấp cho những links, đoạn phim truyền hình thẳng giải vô địch quốc gia bên trên toàn thế giới.|Trong khi, Thể Thao 247 sẽ tường thuật thẳng soccer tất cả các trận đấu hot nhất trong ngày cùng với những diễn biến hấp dẫn và video bàn thắng phiên bản quyền.


    May 21, 2021 at 21:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  5. mcd shades repair

    Hi, I do believe this is a great web site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I will revisit once again since I book marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help others.


    May 21, 2021 at 22:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  6. RV Bathroom Near Me

    Can I just say what a relief to discover a person that genuinely understands what they're discussing over the internet. You actually realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people really need to look at this and understand this side of your story. It's surprising you're not more popular since you most certainly have the gift.


    May 21, 2021 at 22:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  7. camping trailer repair near me


    May 21, 2021 at 23:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. rv inspection service near me


    May 21, 2021 at 23:47 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. Internet Marketing Specialist

    A fascinating discussion is worth comment. I think that you need to publish more on this subject, it may not be a taboo subject but usually people don't talk about these topics. To the next! All the best!!


    May 22, 2021 at 00:28 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. wood repair near me


    May 22, 2021 at 01:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  11. Tips to Success in Life 2021

    Highly descriptive post, I enjoyed that a lot. Will there
    be a part 2?

    May 22, 2021 at 01:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  12. RV Camera Los Angeles


    May 22, 2021 at 01:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. Content Marketing Consultants


    May 22, 2021 at 01:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. trailer repair shop near me


    May 22, 2021 at 03:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. rv remodel supplies


    May 22, 2021 at 03:37 | Report abuse | Reply
  16. RV Interior Remodeling Riverside


    May 22, 2021 at 03:48 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. RV Solar Panels Systems California

    You're so cool! I don't think I have read something like this before. So wonderful to find another person with some genuine thoughts on this topic. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This website is something that's needed on the web, someone with a little originality!


    May 22, 2021 at 04:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. SEO Marketing Services


    May 22, 2021 at 05:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. groupon madrid

    {Bảng bao bao gồm những số liệu tổng hợp đểTin chuyển nhượng Chelsea mới nhấtquý khách dễ dàng tóm bắt tình hình, đối chiếu, so sánh kết quả của các đội. Quý Khách sẽ tức thì lập tức mò được lịch tranh tài mới mẻ nhất, kết trái trận đấu, tư vấn soi kèo, và tỷ trọng kèo Nhà CửA dòng. Trang cung cấp các links, video clip truyền hình trực tiếp giải vô địch đất nước bên trên toàn cầu.|Ngoài ra, Thể Thao 247 sẽ trần thuật trực tiếp đá bóng vớ cả các trận đấu hot nhất trong ngày với những diễn biến đổi thú vị và đoạn phim bàn thắng phiên bản quyền.


    May 22, 2021 at 06:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  20. rv parts temecula

    Everything is very open with a very clear description of the challenges. It was definitely informative. Your website is extremely helpful. Thank you for sharing!


    May 22, 2021 at 06:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. RV Flooring Near Me

    Everything is very open with a really clear description of the issues. It was really informative. Your site is very helpful. Many thanks for sharing!


    May 22, 2021 at 08:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. Social Media Marketing Specialist Near Me

    After I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I get four emails with the exact same comment. There has to be a way you are able to remove me from that service? Appreciate it!


    May 22, 2021 at 12:08 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. how to repair rv plumbing

    This site was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me. Many thanks!


    May 22, 2021 at 12:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  24. collision center of temecula temecula ca

    Excellent post. I certainly appreciate this site. Stick with it!


    May 22, 2021 at 14:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  25. box truck body repair


    May 22, 2021 at 14:49 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. progressive repair center


    May 22, 2021 at 15:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  27. live sgp

    678692 241911Now im encountering a fresh short difficulties Once i cant appear like allowed to sign up for the specific give food to, Now im utilizing search engines like google audience. 67883

    May 22, 2021 at 15:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. the truck shop orange


    May 22, 2021 at 17:22 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. RV Wraps Los Angeles

    This site definitely has all the info I needed concerning this subject and didn’t know who to ask.


    May 22, 2021 at 17:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. aftermarket body shop near me


    May 22, 2021 at 18:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. RV Dashboard Riverside


    May 22, 2021 at 22:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. RV Camera Los Angeles

    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and also the rest of the website is really good.


    May 22, 2021 at 22:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. car wraps orange county


    May 23, 2021 at 00:25 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Social Media Marketing Businesses


    May 23, 2021 at 02:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. rv inspection service near me

    I enjoy reading an article that can make men and women think. Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!


    May 23, 2021 at 02:59 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. RV Leak Near Me

    Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Many thanks, However I am having issues with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I am unable to join it. Is there anyone else getting the same RSS issues? Anyone who knows the solution can you kindly respond? Thanks!!


    May 23, 2021 at 03:07 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. RV Seats California


    May 23, 2021 at 05:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. RV Flooring California


    May 23, 2021 at 07:21 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. RV Shades California


    May 23, 2021 at 09:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. tausAffessy

    best price usa tadalafil where to buy tadalafil on line generic cialis online fast shipping https://tadalafilww.com/

    May 23, 2021 at 13:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. RV Steps Los Angeles

    I was able to find good info from your content.


    May 23, 2021 at 14:00 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. truc tiep bong da the vang

    cùng với trung tâm là màn so tài thân Man City vs Chelsea.|Giấy phép thông tin điện tử số 2526/GP-TTĐT do Sở Thông tin và Truyền thông Hà Thành cấp. Thủ môn Alisson đã rơi nước đôi mắt sau lúc làm bàn thắng ra quyết định đến Liverpool trước West Brom để nuôi Frank Lampard kỳ vọng top 4 Ngoại hạng Anh. VTV.vn – Vào 23h00 tối nay, Wolfsburg sẽ tiếp đón Bayer Leverkusen trong khuôn khổ vòng đấu thứ nhất của Bundesliga. HLV Tan Cheng Hoe mang đến biết, ông không quan lại tâm đến đến tác dụng đối cùng với tuyển chọn Malaysia vào cuộc tranh vé đi tiếp ở bảng


    May 23, 2021 at 15:26 | Report abuse | Reply
  43. rv air conditioning repair near me

    This is a topic that's near to my heart... Thank you! Where are your contact details though?


    May 23, 2021 at 15:44 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. RV Center Riverside

    An outstanding share! I've just forwarded this onto a co-worker who has been doing a little research on this. And he in fact ordered me lunch due to the fact that I discovered it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to discuss this topic here on your web site.


    May 23, 2021 at 16:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. RV Remodel Riverside

    You should be a part of a contest for one of the greatest blogs on the web. I'm going to recommend this web site!


    May 23, 2021 at 16:39 | Report abuse | Reply
  46. cyclosporine

    buy cyclosporine usa cyclosporine emulsion drops

    May 23, 2021 at 16:46 | Report abuse | Reply
  47. UyA55

    839595 9290There exist a couple of numerous different distinct levels among the California Weight loss program and each and every a person is pretty essential. Youre procedure stands out as the the actual giving up with all the power. weight loss 964952

    May 23, 2021 at 20:02 | Report abuse | Reply
  48. xem bóng đá trực tiếp kèo nhà cái hôm nay

    Liên Kết Xem Thẳng Mu Vs Psg Phạm Vi Vòng Mộtbóng đá trực tiếp hômTV101vn là trang web coi tv online, xem phim truyền hình, những lịch trình thể thao, công tác thực tiễn, coi bóng đá trực tuyến vào và ngoài nước trả toàn không tính phí, với hóa học lượng cao.


    May 24, 2021 at 03:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  49. judi bola terpercaya

    At this time I am going away to do my breakfast, when having my breakfast
    coming again to read further news.

    my site judi bola terpercaya

    May 24, 2021 at 05:13 | Report abuse | Reply
  50. RV Mechanics California

    It’s difficult to find educated people about this subject, however, you seem like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks


    May 24, 2021 at 09:43 | Report abuse | Reply
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56

Leave a Reply to celta vs real madrid


CNN welcomes a lively and courteous discussion as long as you follow the Rules of Conduct set forth in our Terms of Service. Comments are not pre-screened before they post. You agree that anything you post may be used, along with your name and profile picture, in accordance with our Privacy Policy and the license you have granted pursuant to our Terms of Service.

« Previous entry
About this blog

Get a behind-the-scenes look at the latest stories from CNN Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Senior Medical Correspondent Elizabeth Cohen and the CNN Medical Unit producers. They'll share news and views on health and medical trends - info that will help you take better care of yourself and the people you love.