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September 21st, 2010
08:48 AM ET
Cyber bully victims 'isolated, dehumanized'
"Unlike traditional bullying which usually involves a face-to-face confrontation, cyber victims may not see or identify their harasser," according to the survey. "As such, cyber victims may be more likely to feel isolated, dehumanized or helpless at the time of the attack." With traditional bullying, both bully and victim report feeling depressed. But when it comes to cyber bullying, it is the victim who is more likely to report depression. The instigator tends to emerge unscathed. It would seem like any insult (virtual or face-to-face) would sting, but the viral nature of the internet may be what makes cyber bullying feel worse for victims. "The fact that the audience can be quite broad is a concern," said Ronald Iannotti, the principal investigator of the survey and a staff scientist at the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Health. "With Facebook, YouTube and everything else, the victim may not even be sure who else has seen or heard the bullying, and because it is not face-to-face, [he or she] can't retaliate as easily." "Being bullied over the internet is worse," said one 14-year-old from New Jersey who posted on a website for the Cyberbullying Research Center, a non-profit organization dedicated to researching the effects of cyber bullying. "It's torment and hurts. They say 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' That quote is a lie and I don't believe in it." Another cyber bullying victim, a 14-year-old from New York, said "It makes me feel bad and rather depressed. Like I don't want to be a part of this world any more." "Behind a keyboard or the textpad of their phone, and physically distant from the victim, emboldens [cyber bullies] and frees them from normal constraints on their behavior such as their conscience, morals, social norms, and the law," said Sameer Hinduja, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center. "Plus, there are no authorities monitoring these communications in cyberspace." Previous studies find that having supportive parents is associated with lower levels of bullying and victimization, Iannotti added. So the key to alleviating depression for all forms of bullying - cyber and otherwise - may reside in the home. soundoff (1,847 Responses)1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 Next »Leave a Reply to Joe
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There is no question that venomous, nasty insults hurled across the cafeteria or in school hallways hurt. A new 
Grow some skin and understand not no one gets love from everyone. Ignore and ban. If they are part of a social group or forum tell the mods or leave. If it is email and others chat system use block or let the admins know of haressment. Police can help trace people in local areas. Key point is not to get into fire fights. Then it is hard to claim as being harassed.
The best I can say is that you're terribly naive. If only it were that simple.
Yes, there are laws against cyberbullying.....but getting them enforced is near-impossible. The police, like schoolteachers, brush you off. They tell you to "just not go to that site" or "ignore it." Like teachers to bullied kids, they blow you off as "whiner" rather than someone with a legitimate complaint.
Cyberbullying does TERRIBLE harm. Employers regularly google your name for job searches, dates do it to check references..... nobody wants to "get involved" with you. My bullies post my name and address, names of my relatives, and photoshopped pix of me allegedly performing porn acts. I've had to change my phone number several times. Try to report it, and the cops immediately start to smirk, shake their heads, and tell you to ignore it. Some wonder out loud what you "did to deserve it.". Go to state officials, and they shrug, say it's across state lines, and tell you to call the cops in that state. The cops in that state repeat this process. NOBODY WANTS TO DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT.
HH, one thing you might try is hiring a PI to find out where these bullies live. Most of them are actually cowards, and if you find out where they live, they'll probably back off real quick.
I am so sick of comments such as this one. I have watched my son be brutalized for years from a handful of immature bullies. The CONSTANT name calling and putdowns are nothing short of torture for these children. The schools do nothing – they act as though there is no problem. The parents of these bullies do nothing when confronted with the facts. Asinine comments such as this one simply add fuel to the fire. The one being bullied is the victim, not the perpetrator of the harassment. It the BULLY that needs to straighten up, not the victim. People need to start to stand up to these immature fools and tell them to knock it off. File harassment charges against them. If you are a parent you need to spend less time worrying about yourself and more time finding out what your child is doing on their cell phone and on the internet.
I wonder if this commenter is a bully themselves? Based on the comment, I’ll bet that they are.
This is why you don't use your real name on the internet. Anonymity goes both ways...
Well, I wouldn't start a firefight as a first response but...if the proper channels are going to do nothing there are ways to intervene. Perps *think* they are invisible online but...some of us can find them. Sure, kids have little to lose but there are always adults involved in these things. Expose a few tid-bits of private info for the world to see and I think you would see some action.
@ hh sounds like you got hit by btards and 4chan.
Why don't you grow some sensitivity and respect. Even your comment is dissing others. Or is it that you are so cold, callous and nhuman that you enjoy being dissed yourself? If you want respect from others you have to give it first. What I've observed is that the Net promotes the development of sociopathic behavior. Bad behavior on the internet seems safer because of the anonimity allowed and we become more daring knowing that in a face to face meeting such behavior could lead to our having our teeth bashed in. It is only cowards who hide behind anonimity when tormenting oters.
You must be one of the kids who liked to tease or bully and tease or you are one of those parents who haven't raised your children correctly and you allow them to bully and tease. You obviously have no understanding of the affects this has on kids.
What is the matter with you 'soravia', your comment is so ignorant. You remind me of the scuds that tell rape victims, "Get over it", those who are suicidally depressed, "Snap out of it". Your "advice", using the term loosely, is useless and based on some kind of nonsensical idea that life is really that cut-and-dried. Guess what, it's NOT. And these kids – they're only kids, for God's sake! – need our protecton and our reassurance that SOMETHING will be done, and their tormenters WILL be dealt-with, and the harassment WILL STOP. YOU, on the other hand, need to some education on the TRUE NATURE of this situation, because you're unbelievably CLUELESS.
The thing about cyber- bullying is that those who are bullied simply cannot get away from it. It used to be you could go home and not answer your phone and be left alone. Now, there'd be 50 nasty emails waiting from 50 different hotmail addies, the same with text-messages or voicemails, etc. It's a cop-out to just tell kids to ignore it. It's our job as adults to stop it, and yes, that takes a lot of work.
everyone wants the schools to fix the problem when the truth is the schools don't have the power to do so. When a bully is ejected from school, the parents of the bully often retaliate, going to board meetings, claiming their child is a victim of the victim etc. Then it turns into a he said she said, and our board members tell us that we should just let kids be kids instead of making the mess worse. If your kid is being bullied, grow a pair and call the parents of the bullies themselves and threaten direct legal action. Going through the school just allows scapegoating and creates situations where conversations get twisted and muddled. Do what I did, go right to the source. Stand on their porch if you must and demand that they get their child to change. It works much better.
Kids are kids. You can pass however many laws you want to, kids are still going to be bullied. Liza, you can try to baby-proof the world, but that is never going to work. Change your cell phone number, change your email address, you don't absolutely have to be on facebook and myspace. I tell people i don't have either and they act like i've grown horns, i'm 24.
I was bullied when i was a child, by people who ironically enough became my best of friends later in life, when......guess what....we grew up. Children can be cruel, but little kids are going to behave like little kids have for ages. Time heals all wounds. I wonder how i would be, if as a child i matured and no one was ever allowed to say a mean thing to me ever or someone would come along and take care of them for me. I would hate to see myself now, when some random person flips me off in traffic, or somebody who is just generally an a-hole is having a bad day. It's part of growing up, if anything, it makes you stronger. It prepares you for the rest of the bs we call adult-hood when you find out nothing has really changed.
Why should someone leave a website or forum that they enjoy visiting and posting to just because someone who thinks that they are more entightled to say something versus another because of how many post's they may have. The days of self glorifying because you have 50,000 post's to a website are over with. Hell if that mattered then everyone in the world should keep a tally of how many times they talk or hold a conversation.
Then there is one simple solution. Not everyone will like it, but it is the most logical solution. get rid of the internet in the home. Don't give your kid a cell phone. Limit your children's access to cyberspace. All the complaining and crying and the outrage about bullies will not make it go away. It's human nature to bully and as long as human nature is in this world, bullying will not stop. So, the simple and most effective thing to do is just get rid of the internet. I know I'll get scoffed and dehumanized as a naive person after this post...so let it begin!
How about ignoring the bully, or better yet look at them and laugh and say "good one, I liked that" and pretend it didn't bother you then, typically, the bully leaves you alone. People only continue to pick on others who react in the way they want them to. If they learn you are not bothered by their comments they stop because they aren't getting the reaction they wanted and you aren't worth their time.
soravia: just because you are tough as nails does not mean everyone is. Some people are more sensitive, and most teens fit into that category. Your lack of understanding is pretty sad.
If parents got their kids out from behind the computer and back out in the park, this wouldn't be as much of a problem (and there would likely be far less obese youngsters as well). Instead, you let your kids sit in front of a computer unmonitored. I feel for the kids, but Mommy and/or Daddy need to be monitoring the internet to catch this.
And if you're too busy to watch what your kids see and do on the internet, disconnect the computer and block the social network sites. Kids can't maintain their social circle without Facebook and MySpace? Give me a break - unless they're junior pimps and hoes, they do not need Facebook or any other social media. Grow some balls and learn to tell your kids no, or at least accept that if your kid is cyberbullied it is because you enabled it.
I am 33 years old, and I am being bullied online. Let me tell you, it has almost been the death of my family, and we do not know how to stop it – and I am an adult. What would I do if I was a teenager? Just a child? At that poin in my development where I was so unsure of my own social place? You need to understand this is way, way more than someone online calling you an idiot. This is real, tangible damage. Photos, false info, all passed on to other people. Like my boss, my neighbors, my 90 year old grandparents for crying out loud. Picture for a moment what it's like to walk into work and be called in to your boss's office to explain the email he's just gotten from someone who just wants him to know.... which is a huge lie. No matter what you say, your boss never looks at you he same way again. Ditto the neighbors, who all recieved similar emails, and called you with concerns for weeks, and now their kids won't come by and you no longer get invited to the neighborhood gettogethers do you. EVen though it's bullying, it's someone trying to cause you trouble! People don't understand that. Go to look for another job, wait, google my name – there's at least 3 websites set up devoted to spreading trash about me with unflattering pictures and extremely offensive words. How did the bullies get a hold of the photos? We were friends once, which is WHY there is bullying, drama in a social clique and someone who uses bullying to keep control for an imagined slight and takes things way too far. Plus they know other friends, who knoww friends... it's easy to get photos and contacts. And then they make my life hell.
You are absolutely right HH.
I joined a messageboard and had my informtion stolen from both mine and my families computers over the period of years. There are some truly evil network administrators out there. The problem is they gang on with buddies and target individuals who know less than they do, to make themselves feel powerful. Usually when someone becomes popular. I want to start a web site of known bad network administrators.
Soravia doesn't know how forums work.
Wow – so many of you really don't understand the problem. It's not just the internet and cell phones. Get the kids out into the park? Are you kidding me? It happens everywhere, often right in front of parents and teachers. I am on a local school board and have tried for several years to get the administration to even admit that there is a problem. We see dozens of our local students going to alternative education choices such as cyber schools simply to get away from the bully's. When you confront many of these bully's, the complete lack of respect for authority will astound you! Many of the kids I have dealt with have incredibly bloated egos or are desperately attempting hide their lack of self-confidence by making others feel small. These kids are going to be in deep trouble some day unless someone straightens them out. I agree that the school can't fix everything, but they certainly own a piece of it. Teachers MUST step in to help stop this. Parents need to start paying attention to what their kids are doing and start acting like parents. I'm sorry you come home from wok tired, so do I! Start paying attention to your kids. Start demanding that they behave. Teach them to show respect to others, adults and children alike. In fact demand it. If you think you are your child’s friend then you are failing as a parent. Research has shown that many kids who are bully's end up in trouble with the law later in life. Is this what you want for your kids?
Blunt and true statement but also somewhat insensitive. With the internet, there is a permanent record of unflattering comments, photos, etc.
In my view the best way to end cyberbullying is to stop giving kids access to cell phones and the internet! If kids truly don't understand the consequences of sending vicious texts and how to properly use social media, then they should not be using these things! Just because everyone has cell phones these days does not mean that kids should use them or that they should have unlimited access to the internet. Kids are kids and need to stop having everything adults have. When I was a kid (only about 20 years ago), we all wanted our own phone lines. Did most of us get that? No! Our parents knew that if we had our own lines, it could lead to trouble. Why are the parents of today so freely giving their kids everything they ask for? Why are they so afraid to say "no"?
Bullying can affect victims for life. I know it led me to be distrustful of people and even today, whenever people see me wearing my glasses, I expect them to call me names or make fun of me. Of course, over the years, I taught myself to ignore all the teasing and dealt with it on my own without running to my parents. I literally graded the comments! I decided that "if you can't beat em, join them." People got the hint eventually.
It is so sad to see that today, kids seem to think that suicide is the only answer. I hated the teasing and the stick throwing, the spit in my hair but I NEVER thought about ending my life. Why is it that my generation seemed to understand that eventually the bullying would stop (i.e. after graduation, you have the choice to lose touch with your classmates and never see them again)? Why are today's kids so upset over petty things like regular name-calling (I am NOT referring to what happened at Rutgers – I am an alum and am shocked, dismayed that such an incident could happen there as it didn't seem like such a close-minded campus when I was a student). Seriously, kids are getting depressed over being made fun of for what they wear, where they live, etc. I wasn't thrilled being called "dot head" in the 80's or "blindgirl", four-eyes, etc. But I managed to live with it. IMO, today's kids are TOO oversensitive over what was once considered minor thing (AGAIN – NOT referring to incidents like at RU) and seen unable to cope. Whatever happened to learning how to work things out on your own?
As an online service provider cyber terrorist bullies really piss me off. I started an online early warning system a couple years ago to help warn people about carriers of STDs and typically not a week goes by that I don’t get at least one complaint accusing an end user in publishing stuff to harass someone. These people are hard to catch and even after making an example of a really bad offender by email bombing press releases all over his state resulting in a story on a local news station that ended up on National Terror Alert people still abuse my services.
I think a new service may be in order. Something where you can call out cyber terrorist bullies and list all the places where they have been screwing with you online. You could then offer to remove the report if they leave you alone. If anyone is interested in working with me on such a service let me know. I work more than full time already and would only do it if I felt it could really do some good. I could build such a thing in as little as a week or two depending on quality or course.
I do antibullying programs in schools. (trinidadhunt.com) I wish you could be in the room with me when we do the program. Students and teachers alike have shared their stories in public in the room. The pain from bullying is real. The scars are deep. And the loss of self-worth can last a life time. No human being deserves to be demeaned. There are legal ramifications in organizations for such behavior. Why should our children have to be afraid to go to school? As adults we need to stand up for them and not allow it.
I thought all bullying was basically to dehumanize the person being harassed. At least with cyber bullying, you can hit delete and block the idiot from ever bothering you again.
Yeah....right. Until you try to get a job, and an employer googles your name. Or some whacko gets your info off that site and starts calling you.
Unfortunately it's not that simple......nothing is anymore. It also depends on what kind of bullying too.
To Kh: No, it's not that simple because bullies spread their junk all over, to everyone and you can't block that. At that point, there is nothing you can do.
If you think just deleting and blocking someone is good enough, you haven't dealt with real bullies and dedicated trolls. They're far more persistent than that.
HH, they wouldn't have gotten things like your address, phone number, or picture, without your own doing. Keep playing the victim though, it makes you an easy target.
DJ, I guess you dont realize how easy it is to get someone's personal info without them giving it to you. Address and phone numbers are easy, pictures may take a little more time but a year book, or someone you know on facebook or some other social networking site could have put your pic on there and the bully could get it from there. Remember any time you submit info over the net (whether it be for a job application, insurance quote, setting up an email, sending an email) all that info goes out in packets that just about anyone who wants to can look at, unless it is encrypted well.
I have been lucky enough that I have not had to deal with a real cyber bully, but I have seen what it can do to people and its not good.
Considering how easy it is to google anyone's name and come up with a surprising amount of public information, maybe you should do that for yourself and see just whats out there on the web hmm? Did you know that with your first and last name, I can gain the vast majority of your public information, including but not limited to your last known address, place of employment, any civil or criminal actions that you have been involved in as an adult (and with a call to a friend.. as a Juvenile). I can gain your phone number (listed, unlisted or unpublished), as well as a surprising amount of personal information like where you were born, who your parents were, how many children you have, how many times you have been married or divorced, etc.
Did you also not know that public utilities and entities share your information with.. well.. anybody that wants it? Have public water? Guess what.. that information is listed and available to people who know how to get it. Public power? Same. Garbage pickup? Yup.. and I can even get the days your garbage is picked up at your home.
Do any Online banking? Got a loan recently? Purchased a new car? Home? Boat? Lawn mower? Guess what.. it's ALL available to people like me, that know how to, or that know others that know how to retrieve that information from the Internet.
There is no such thing as safety on the internet. Heck.. CNN can log the IP address that you use to post your message, and a person can track that alone, back to the ISP you use, and with a little digging, get the area AND the exact address) the message was posted from.
NOTHING is truly hidden on the internet to those who know what to look for.
I feel that it is funny how some people think that the things that they read on the internet is true when the most of the time there is no proof of any of the things that are being said or done. And as far as pics see the face if not body shots don't matter think about photo-shop.
I'm actually dealing with a group of cyber bullies on fanfiction.net. They've taken the ToS like the 10 Commandments and turn it into 1000. They feel only THEY are allowed to interpret the rules and nobody else can. They flame a bunch of people and went as far as creating an illegal program (a bot). And can possibly hack. I just gather info about them, the program, and their capabilities, then I'll take it to my Legal Office. I tell people to not buy into their bullying. Be polite but don't back down if you believe they're wrong. I find it amusing to see them get flustered when you're polite to them. Classic!
cyber bulling is non-sense / real bullying is physical on the streets & public schools /its real / anyone who feels threatened or belittled by what a nerd sends them over the net isnt in the real world any how -they are out of touch / they need to spend much less time on a computor and get a life/ as a teenager i had to attend public school it was real but i made it through / this crap is non-sense /
jim, you're obviously out of touch with today's youth and the technology that serves as an extension of the physical aspects of bullying. You're dealing with fragile personalities that are just forming during the awkward teen years. Humiliation and harassment online is still a form of bullying and arguably more harmful to pre-teens and teens who are on the receiving end of this CRIME.
I think Jim's point is the argument is paramont to saying "everytime I go to this part of town, I get bullied". When someone points out "well then why not avoid that part of town". The person says "why should I not beable to go to that part of town, just because the bullies are there?". "Becuase then you won't have to deal with the bullies at all.", the reply might be
"But I like that part of town and think they should changes", the person says. This is of course is their, right. The bullies don't own that part of town, so they should change. That I don't think is being disputed. But there is a difference between having no choice as to which school and activities you are required to go to and running into harassment and running into bullies because you CHOOSE to visit certain sites and participate in certain VOLUNTARY activities.
You can make the argument that they SHOULD be able to enjoy such things without the bullies. One that I wholeheartedly agree with, but it not the same situation. The point made is that it is something that starts out volutary and not something the victims are subject to involutarily. The difference may not matter to the victims and their loved ones but it matters when evaluating the situation and deciding how best to counter the bullies methods.
What Jim left out of his rant is that he's an 85-year-old in a diaper who walked 5 miles from his family's farmhouse to school in freezing rain everyday.
Obviously you have Zero Knowledge of what is going on in the kids' life today............Maybe you don't even have kids. Where is your compassion, empathy and support for this horrible sport for the bullies. Of course they are in pain, and hurting others gives them power. Check back in when you know what year it is. You are so sad.
Trust me, when a woman on a message board I used to visit threatened to have me killed, I believed her. I am very careful to protect my identity so it would not be easy to find me from a message board, but it is possible. It's not just nerds sitting at their computers. You are sitting at your computer...are you a nerd? Probably not. You are a normal person, like the millions who use the internet daily. Cyber bullying can result in real harm.
Jim, what you fail to realize, is that with Facebook, text messaging and social media, a bully can spread trouble to a much greater area and it can fan out like tentacles, giving the bully message a life of its' own. If you multiplied the circle of friends that a bully's message could reach when you were young by, let's say 1000, then you would understand how devastating a bully's message can be these days. A youtube video can go "viral" over a weekend and turn an embarrssing photo to a national headline practically overnight. Hitting the delete key will do nothing if you cannot stop the source, or the onslaught of people who spread bad news like a virus, but keep good news quiet and unheard. Retrain the bully, not the victim!
Jim, you are so clueless.
Joey: in today's social world, many teens need internet sites like facebook to maintain their social circle. To kick them off of those sites because somebody harasses them is equivalent to telling your kid not to go to the park or go to soccer practice because they will get picked on.
People are just too coddled and want someone to "take care of them" instead of learning to stand up for yourself and be strong. Is "bullying" of any kind right? Of course not! Can you learn from it and become a stronger person? Oh heck yeah!
Problem is that a lot of people like to be the victim instead of turning it around and learning from it. DUH!
Anyone who says that cyber bullying is no big deal has probably never been in the shoes of a tormented preteen or adolescent. I was bullied in middle school, tormented, and treated less than human. But at least I knew where the threat was coming from, and had an idea of the numbers. It was, for the most part, private, between my bullies and me. We're a people very fixated on what we can see, and when we can't 'see' or determine a threat, there is a mental element introduced that can do even more damage.
A lot of people online are much less afraid of saying horrible, disgusting, vile things than they are in real life. And they can spread it like poison through any number of sites and forums, so that you never know where it's going to turn up next. For someone who is already sensitive or hurting, or who feels powerless or like a lesser being, this internet BS can tip the scales from being able to cope to finding it unbearable.
While the problem always existed, I believe it is getting worse. Words like "annoying", "weird", "fat" are so common in kids' conversations that teachers don't even notice them.
Girls are really cruel. Inspired by their rebellious role models and images of stupid males (from fathers to boyfriends) they value only muscles in boys. So, those of you, guys, who have brains, have to wait until you are out of college and get jobs – that's when your value will increase. The best you can do now is to ignore offences and understand that bullies have some serious mental issues.
Parents are playing a big role too. Constant competition makes kids want to be the best in everything, and when it can not be achieved they still want to feel important.
Well hate to break it to you but being attractive to someone is important to a relationship. So with that being said, you basically sound like someone who are into people who have money and are not muscular. Just because someone takes care of themselves and works out everyday doesn't mean they are a bully.
why the hell do you assume smart people aren't good looking as well?
Teenagers aren't the only victims – immature adult ex-husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends are just as capable of sinking to that level. And if you think cyber-bullying is no big deal, then I certainly hope you never end up the victim of one of these idiots. It's entirely too easy to take out revenge by posting out-and-out lies about an ex. And yeah, it stays there. Trust me.
Good point, and this is why cyber-bullying might actually be more harmful than regular bullying. I was a victim of the regular old face-to-face bullying in middle school, and I can't believe what I had to deal with on a daily basis. But I could at least try to deal with those people since I knew what they were doing. But imagine someone posting things about you that aren't true and that you have no control over...years later, when it comes to the internet, these things can come back to haunt you even if you didn't know it was happening. I can look back on my experiences and be glad it's over, but a kid who is a victim of cyber-bullying may not even know the extent to which their life is being damaged. They just know that it is.
There are several facebook pages devoted to this topic. One good one is raise awareness of bullycide.
hmm maybe they should stop taking these peoples bs and beat them near to death. Hell use a weapon if you have to.
Advocating violence is not an acceptable resolution. This stems from poor parenting. Parents didn't pay enough attention to their children; didn't keep an active & open dialogue with their children; and did not instill compassion and empathy in their children.
TVW....Sometimes violence is necessary. Trying to "work it out" after the damage is done to the victim is too late.
You have the right to protect yourself physically if necessary. The person assaulting you is not thinking of compassion or empathy believe me! As for parents..mine came to my defense when I had to hit a bully smack in the nose in grade school after he tried to drag me in the bushes..he ran crying to the teacher, but neither he nor his buddies ever bothered me again. They look for the weak and timid and "test" their potential victims.
I don't really agree with beating them to near death however if you have to defend yourself then I have no qualms with that.
Until people have been victims of cyber bullying and understand the implications it has to one's life or one's children, it is inappropriate to make rude comments and snap judgements. As web-based technology becomes more and more a tool for all types of communication, bullying becomes much easier, far more wide spread, and has greater implications in multiple aspects of one's life. To the victims, or parents of victims, I hope that your situations are resolved quickly and do not hinder your achievements and future goals.
awwwwww..... So many sensitive people in here... Come on !!!!! We will loose all wars if you people start sqeeeling about nothing !
Empathy is required to begin to understand these situations. Those who do not possess it unfortunately can not add anything valuable to these forums. By making a joke of a situation as barbaric and heinous as the one mentioned above, one lands themself in a spot barely higher than those involved. Perhaps if she was your friend, sister, daughter or neice, you would not be taking her situation so lightly.
To George: unfortunately, with this approach you will eliminate half of the society. Some of the bullies are just very insecure kids, and they need help; but their parents fail to understand it.
true but i was bullied for 3 years then i snapped and havent been bullied since. Snapped= i fought back.
You're right, all it takes is standing up to a bully to make him (or her) back down. Someone snapping is a fearful thing to view, whether it involves fisticuffs (if physically challenged) or wide-eyed shouting/screaming while advancing on the bully. And it almost always sends the intended message to both bully and anyone seeing it. I wish it were that easy with cyber-bullying. Online threats just don't have the same impact. And when they are made against someone you don't know, even less so (akin to shouting in the dark). The only way to confront cyber-bullying is by being able to identify the sender thereby removing the cloak of anonymity and being able to confront on whatever terms you choose: legal, denial of service, even a face-to-face confrontation. The good news is that technology is going to allow this sort of identification for many in the near future (easier identification sender by IP address, etc.) I'm sure that some cyber-bullies will become technically proficient at remaining anonymous, however most won't be bright enough to realize what's happened until someone is knocking at their door (or their employer's door).
Maybe I'm just out of touch because of my age, but is it me or are young people today just a bunch of pansy, whining Nancies? Since when is it relevant to get your panties all up in a bunch over what some incognito cowardly weasel wannabe trash talks on a website? Anybody ever heard of realtime living? I've dealt with fools who think they've got game so much in real life that by now I enjoy playing cat-and-mouse and yo-momma with the cyberfools. Maybe kids and young adults today need to learn what us older folks learned back in the day, that the best way to cure someone you know from an addiction to bullying others face-to-face is a broken nose, anything else is just B.S. trashtalking.
You are out of touch and have no ideas what kids and adults go through now that cyberspace has become a weapon. A young girl (14-16 years old) was drugged at a party in BC, and was then gang raped. That incident was filmed and photographed and now those pictures are out there on the internet forever. If you think that she is just a "Pansy, whining Nancy" then perhaps you belong among a species less than human. This isn't about name calling and "Yo Momma" jokes, this is a serious problem where kids/adults are scarred forever and some to the point of suicide. This isn't harmless, if this was happening to your friends or your children, I think your perspective would be somewhat altered.
Because later on, you have no way to explain away BS trashtalking when someone posts it about you maliciously. Think about it this way: If someone posted fliers about you on the telephone poles of your town saying something about you (for instance, you are a child molester), you may know what those fliers say is untrue, but what about everyone else? Their opinion of you depends on whether they already know you. If they don't, who should they believe? Things like this will stay with you forever, and once it's out there, you can't take it back just because you want to.
You certainly seem to know a lot about whiny Nancies. Introspection, perhaps?
Although I agree that kids today DO seem overly sensitive and are WAY too protected/sheltered, violence in the form of hitting back is not necessarily the right answer. Today, if kids do that, THEY will be the ones punished even if it's self-defense. The bullies are generally the popular kids and even though they may be the troublemaker students, they are well-known to the principals. In turn, those troublemakers have all the power and basically run the school. That was my experience in high school. A vicious and absolutely false rumor was spread about me and the class Vice-principal called me down to her office. She clearly believed these troublemaker students over me. I was ready to tell her off...except National Honor Society candidacy was about to be finalized and I didn't want to risk ruining my chances! No wonder why schools are so bad...the "bad" students rule the school. School administrators don't side with the good students that much!
The grown people posting on this blog are so concerned about cyber bullying. Yet, when given the chance or when an opportunity arises, are themselves involved in bullying on the internet through blog comments that are so mean there is no rationale to it. Adults, please practice what you preach and teach. You are the example to young people that look at blog boards and emulate your character on the internet!
Fists are not an option for some. I was attending an elementary school play a few years ago. Among other kids there was a boy with Down syndrome; he was doing something out of sync, and some parents in the audience were laughing. I can only imagine how painful it was for his parents to watch. What could they do in this case?
What I've learned from studying the subject of bullying (including cyber-bullying for the past year): Bullies attack their victims because they are feeling pain themselves. They mistakenly believe they will feel better about themselves if they put others down. It doesn't work; adults who bullied as children carry around deep pain and regret for many years over the pain they caused others. Once they recognize that bullying doesn't benefit them in any way and, if fact, only hurts them, they stop. They find other, healthier ways to deal with whatever pain they are holding inside. Victims stop becoming victims when they learn to stand up for themselves, feel good about themselves, and discover that the only opinion of themselves that really matters is their own. When those changes happen bullies tend to leave them alone. Bullying also stops when all the bystanders who witness the bullying (84% of bullying incidents are witnessed by other kids) refuse to allow the bullying to happen. Bystanders play the largest role in stopping bullying. Bystanders can make a huge difference on social networking sites by standing up to bullies who post negative or demeaning comments in public forums. It is true that it is easier to say demeaning things when you are anonymous, but if the rest of us refused to allow it, it wouldn't happen. We can all play a part in stopping bullying by refusing to participate in it, by standing up to bullies when we encounter them, and by helping our children be strong, secure, confident and caring people who use their energy to help others, not hurt them. See more at IT'S GOOD 2B GOOD blog.
It's partly a moral problem: perps and victims alike too readily believe that no real harm is done, or, that anonymous bullying is protected speech or something. That perception should be changed. Anonymous bullying is not protected speech, and there is plenty of evidence that it harms people–kids have even been driven to suicide. We probably should mandate that all digital communications systems include valid "signatures" that can be used easily to identity the sender. Kids need to be taught that cyber bullying is a cowardly crime, which hurts, and for which perps can go to jail. And, victims should be encouraged to step forward so that they can be given moral support and so that experts can assist police in finding the perps.
...digital bullying...fat people making fun of other anonymous folks from behind their computer screen. Must be rough...Stupid things like this are what keeps todays society from being productive. Enough technology already
It should occur to you that you just became part of the problem by the generalization 'fat people making fun of anonymous folks". That just struck out at anyone who is selfconscous about their weight, which I am not, but I do "resemble that remark"
One would be best to keep the vitriol out of the comments and be a source of inspiration, rather than aggravate the issue.
Whether you take offense at your comment, or meant offense is not the issue. It is whether someone was hurt by it or PERCEIVED it as a personal attack. Being thin skinned is a common trait these days, but being hurtful is easily just as prevalent and devastating to sensitive readers. If you say we are a bunch of whiners and babies, then maybe you should choose the words as if they were being said about your family, children or your mom, before spouting out hurtful generalizations. I could ignore your comment, but I chose not to perpetuate your poor taste, and choose to alert you of it so you can reject it or take it as constructive criticism.
Bullies come in many ages and genders.. Especially online. It was noted here by Sandra Zerner that the bystanders are also a part of the problem. I find this to be especially true in forums, rooms, and any place where more than two people gather online. As the occasional target of bullying online, I have found that removing myself from the online situation can often be the best solution. It may not be what I want to do at the time,, but it is the best. The bully has more power when there is an audience. Until the audience stops condoning the actions of bullies, this will always continue.
Someone tried to cyber bully me thinking that I was a kid. A court order and suddenly we can track down which account is posting the crap. The owner of the account loses phone service permanently and also internet access. No more problem. Sure there is a cost but the revenge of making someone effectively cease to exist online is very gratifying. Also with legal documents detailing what they did that you can post online, you can ruin their life for the foreseeable future. I strongly suggest that you don't just ignore the problem when you can hurt them far more than they hurt you.
Glad you found a sympathetic judge. Hard to get court orders a lot of time without being able to prove slander, libel or terroristic threats. Of course, the old Texas two-by-four method works pretty well once you find out who they are.
Cyberbullying...only in todays world could this be an actual word – While I agree about someones reference to being gang-raped and having the footage on the internet not being acceptable in any terms, anyone who falls prey to some digital words needs to toughen up. If you cant do that then STAY OUT OF THE DIGITAL SOCIAL SYSTEMS, GO OUTSIDE AND MAKE REAL FRIENDS...maybe even drop a few pounds and live life as it was meant to be lived. If nothing else, once youre thinner, there will be less to fall victim to.
Think about it
I can understand your point when talking about simple cases of cyber bullying when it is just petty name calling. You say stay away from social networks, but neglect to take into account that cyber bullying can have an enormous effect even if you are not participating in the various web-based tools associated with your situation. People will post photos, invent social network pages under the victim's name, give out a victim's personal information, etc. This has widespread implications for both teens and adults whose peers have access to these pages and thus cyber bullying infiltrates many aspects of a person's life outside their "Cyber world." People really need to remember that this is not a cut and dry topic. There is validity in the "Toughen up" sentiment for some situations, unfortunately there are many situations where cyber bullying can and does have lasting, damaging, and dangerous effects.
What is it with you and those like you telling people to get "thinner" and that will solve all of life's problems? Considering that most "skinny" people tend to be self-centered, egotistical jerks, why on earth would I want to associate with them in the first place? Oh....and I'm not obese, don't live in my mom's basement, travelled all over the world for good old Uncle Sam, and lived more of a life than most of the "skinny" people I've EVER met, but still like to use the internet for the even more expansive look at that world and society it gives me. I'll go where I want and associate with who I want without your permission or guidance. Get a life yourself, you tool, before you judge how others should live their lives.
I'm reporting this guy to you because he's cruel and insensitive to bullied victims. Therefore, I insist that you delete his comment.
I'm so sorry. I thought I was reporting a comment.
The picture at the header of this thread makes it so much more obvious that kids shouldnt have access to most social media. That kid looks like someone holding a gun for the first time.
Those who poo poo on-line bullying don't really understand it. It is possible for computer savvy kids (or adults) to do incredible damage to your name and reputation if they want to, either for "fun" or because they want the sense of power it gives them. Don't forget, someday the bully victims will be applying for a job, or perhaps a security clearance. What is found on the Net may make both impossible.
If I were a (serious) bully victim or the parent of one, I'd seriously consider changing my school, name legally in court, and obtaining a new SS number. It may take an attorney to accomplish this, but is worth the price and effort.
The other advantage of doing this is that you are acting in "support" of your victimized child. They will KNOW that you are taking this seriously and will feel more inclined to come to you for help, which is vital. Their sense of self is even more important than the actual bullying...or its temporal result.
Often you may not even suspect this of one of your kids. The best way to work with kids on this subject is to be nonchalant and conversational about it. You may be surprised by their answer!
sanjosemike
hmmmmm.So Christine O' Donnell made 20,000 dollars of Champaign contributions disappear! Is she really a WITCH or a POLITICIAN? No campaign.... but free Houston trip,free mortgage payments and free bowling trip?
I was constantly bullied when I was a little kid. I did have my doubts about that whole sticks and stones thing. But guess what people I learned that it takes a better person to just let the jerks be jerks and take things in stride. Right now yeah your in hs or ms and its hard going through school with people that make life slightly worse for you. But then when you get out of ms or hs and go to college or go into the service, you learn that it was just a phase people go through and if you don't quit at it, and just keep a level head you'll make it out just fine. I mean hell. I did it, and so can you. Just remember that people can say what they want about you. be it good or ill, what matters at the end of the day is what you do. So just let all that shit roll off your shoulders and remember that tomorrow is a brighter day.
kids being cyberbullied bring it on themselves. They make a comment online like a Internet tough guy, then cry to momma when the reaction isn't to there favor. Big wimps, grow a pair and stay offline if can't help but cry
What a stupid little punk to cry over cyberbullying Obvious wimp is obvious
exactly !!! This is b*****. Just ignore it
Which of course is why YOU don't use YOUR real name.
kids neeed to learn to not only be respectful to one another, as they were more so in the past...but also to GROW some backbone here! They are babied way way too much by parents, and well, everyone is going to encounter unpleasant experiences in their lives, and you must deal with it....government legislation for what used to be the domain of parents and kids own resourcfulness is disturbing......simple, if you are being "cyber-bullied", tell them to go to hell and shut OFF the computer!!!!
get the cops involved if there is a real danger of physical violence, but come on here, kids gotta learn to take a little by themselves.....I did....and Im still here in good psychological shape.
There are several things to consider in cyber bullying.
1. Sometimes the bullied have also been doing the bullying. It is good to monitor the child to some degree to make sure they aren't trolling or being deliberately inflammatory. I've seen young children go into forums, post off topic things they think are funny, or who are rude or insulting. These are not innocent pranks, they are rude and mean-spirited.
2. Sometimes you just have to ignore it, especially if it is not anyone you know. Getting flamed happens online. Its a fact of life. The best thing to learn how to do is how to debate properly, and when to ignore the flamers and trolls.
3. IF the person is someone you know in RL, it could be stalking. Discuss this with an adult.
4. Finally, people do not have to like your opinions. Disagreement is ok. that is the nature of the net.
5, Finally, online activity is meant to be fun. IF its no longer fun, invest your time in other things.
That first finally just a practice finally?
yeah, my bad. kind of tough to type in the small windows. lol
Grow. A. Pair.
I got bullyed by my brother, school kids and strangers when I was young. I found the solution when I was 14 years old. My parent purchased me a weight set for my birthday, I used it 24/7 and within a year the bullys wanted to be my friend, some came over and said they were sorry for bully me. My brother and I had a fight, I won and the bullying was over there also. The bully will go after someone weaker, you can change that with exercise. Being in good shape feels great and you will be happier with less stress. Now over 50 and still workout everyday. Good luck to all of you good kids, don't sit back and take it, get strong. Big a good person when you get strong, help the others.
You sure sound like that serious guy from Avatar.
The problems here is that this generation is all mollycoddled and taught that their self-esteem is important. What they really need to do is grow a thicker skin. The parents need to realize that not everyone can win, and that adversity is good for people rather then sheltering them their whole life. That way, when someone sends an insulting email, the kid can just ignore it and go on with their day with no problem.
Teach your kids to grow a pair and then they shoot up schools...what don't you macho "grow a pair" meat heads understand? I think even the most "molly coddled" school kid understands "turn off the computer" but when it is somebody in their school that is doing it and sites are set up to make fun of these kids, what then geniuses? Lift weights? Okay, what if it is the size of the nose or ears that they are making fun of? What if the taget has a disability? What if the kid is too tall or too short? Give me a break. I agree, fighting is not the answer, BUT sometimes that is all the bully understands. I was bullied by a grade six kid when I was in grade 3, he met me at the school entrance in the morning and the exit at night, until one morning I had had enough and finally waited til he went it to his classroom during class and sucker punched him...I got my azz kicked again, but he never bothered me again after that.
Having been bullied in Junior High School & High School during the earlier & innocent 70s, I tried my best to ignore a constant barrage of threats (mostly empty) and a few fights.
IMHO problems change with technology, and if parents get court orders against phone cos & ISPs, then the abuse will stop.
Just look at what happened to juicycampus.com.
get off the internet and go outside
Sounds great! But somebody has to make money, do laundry, cook dinners, sign numerous papers, pay bills... Should I continue?
The interwebs are a pretty tough playground and there ain't no recess ladies hangin' around.
If you let your kids go to 4chan, or FormSpring your going to end up with a 'Kerli gurl'.
I think a lot of people are misconstruing cyber-bullying with someone receiving anonymous emails calling them "nerd," or just getting flamed in a chat room. It's actually a lot worse than that. Imagine someone taking the face of your daughter/sister/niece/etc. and pasting it on a pornographic picture and then eblasting that picture to the entire school using an anonymous acct. Or posting some nasty/vile/sexually explicit stuff on the victim's facebook wall. Or tweeting something heinous about that person from an anonymous account. The options are endless and the perpetrators are cowards. How do you suppose a tween/teen overcome something like that? How do you "fight" a bully without a face? The worst part is, what happens online, stays online forever. Nothing is truly ever deleted. These things can turn up in the future and effect potential job opportunities, personal reputations, etc. These things should not be taken lightly.
Angie, It is unfortunate that these things get online. But it does not have to stay online for ever. Contact the 'WEB MASTERS' and report the threads, creation dates, subject headers so that it can be identified. Once they can establish that you are the person against who all these crap is and you yourself want these things to be deleted, they can not keep them up on the sites.
Most important of all, keep track of all these correspondence that you make with the website and be polite. Webmasters should take action against these kind of posts if originating from persons who are not consenting to posts about them. At worst, report to law enforcement agencies.
Sam, that would be all well and good in a perfect world. However most of the people that run the websites that post stuff like what is being described couldn't care less about you wanting to take it down. These people live in a world were they feel that they have every right to post whatever they want. These web-sites are run by imature people, most of them teens themselves, or early 20 somethings. They take the first amendment and bend it to mean that it is there constitutional right to post anything they feel like.
Scott, agreed.
I don't know why in US, out of 50 states only handful have adopted rules against cyber bullying. Seems recently in UK, it is possible for an Internet Service Provider (ISP) to be liable for the content of sites which it hosts. So this might lead to some legislation in USA.
All please refer to Wikipedia for cyber bullying. I have posted the website down below. You never know there may be some helpful thing that already exists to help you out.
the problem with your argument is, kids just don't do that.
no one is photoshopping anyones faces onto pornographic pictures.
kids just don't do that.
it's the "victims" fault for letting someone call them fat or a loser get to them.
Wow! Kids don't do that? Wake up!
When I was bullied as a child I always felt better if I would find someone weaker than I am to pick on.
Oh give me a GD break already! Is this our next felony hate crime? What happened to the spam button? Or not visiting sites where you can be "bullied?" Words now? What ever happened to sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me? Hey parents! Get off yours fat butts and teach your children some reality! The world is not a powder puff place where nothing unpleasant happens. Teach your kids to grow a pair! Inner strength!
I was once a victim of online bullying... so i logged off
I don't think that is bullying is it? I believe what they are talking about here is the type of stuff that does not go away...say there was a website that was dedicated to "Evil the Queer" or false reports of ""you blowing goats on "your" farm? Or my favorite, photoshopped pics of you on your knees at the weekend party? YOU can turn off the computer, but that stuff stays around. Future employers or colleges see that, a potential date googles your name and sees "you" at your finest, classmates see it and giggle and or ostracize you making your life a living hell. I think they are talking more about this than the old "yo mama is so fat..." jokes.
There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for bullying, period. Yes we live in a differrent time than our children do, but I remember befriending the innocent victims of Bullies since 1st grade. It was beyond my scope of comprehension why these bullies do what they do – and grow up to be adult bullies. Lack of love, affection, bad home life? We all need to understand that even though it is inacceptable to hurt others, that the human beings hurting others definitely have a history of pain to them. Please parents, if your child is a bully, seek help for them, before it gets out of control..........
They don't see it this way. They believe that their precious jewels can do no wrong. I see it every day on the bus stop.
Some day, though, little piglets will grow into big swines...
nobody in any high school class of mine took those surveys seriously, and would just make patterns out of the scan-tron sheet. just sayin...
How sad you are, and so unevlolved – we are all human beings here fighting for our lives..........Obviously you were a bully growing up, and there is only one thing to say – Karma.
"Fighting for our lives"?! Really? On the INTERNET?!?
Shut the hell up, whiner. No, really, it's just text on a screen. "BUT BUT BUT IT'S NOT GOOD KARMA" you might stammer.
Newsflash: HUMANITY AIN'T EXACTLY INTERESTED IN BEING RAINBOW-INSPIRED GRANOLA-MUNCHING FREE-SPOONING HIPPIETRASH. If it were, then it'd have gone that route by now. No, instead you're damned to a lifetime of living amongst people who will insult you from time to time, especially for sounding like a whiny little New Age tool.
Deal with it.
Let me guess Brian, you're a bully. Thanks for stopping by and giving us all a great example of what a bully is.
To Parents – – – Please keep the communication channel open with your kids. So that you know at most by the 2nd instance of bulling. As and when you get to know it, keep a track of events and times. Make written complaints to authorities involved [teachers/ parents of other kids/ web masters/ cops] and keep acknowledgments for future reference.
To Person/Kid who is being bullied – – – Keep some adult informed about the bullies, web sites, locations etc. Chalk out a prevention plan and implement it. Most important keep track of your communications. The more proof you have the better.
For people whose unwanted pics/posts are there on net, submit written requests to the webmasters of those web sites. If they still don't take action report to law enforcement agencies. Also keep searching for websites where you know these things have popped up. People can be tracked from there 'User Names' on blogs and sites. You will get solid evidence. Yes unfortunately this is lot of extra work, but keep investing some time on it till it is over. This investment is better in 2 ways: 1. you will get rid of unnecessary junk against yourself, 2. will be able to increase your knowledge about cybersearch and cyberlaw.
And as it has been pointed out by others, at some times you can fight back. But at most times for adults, one may not. But still we can always watch and try to get rid of most of the junk for ourselves.
Let us not get trapped by somebody's idiocy. It is unfortunate but there is no nice way out.
ummm... bully? I just hit the block button... then I find them in class the next day and hit him with a baseball bat, in the hands. Bully no more.
You are obviously a very sick, pathetic person. How inbred are you? Your thinking process went out with the 1950's. What year do you think it is?
If the parents of the bully won't do anything about the problem, beat the hell out of the parents.... Then they will know what other kids are going thru because of THEIR KIDS.... Problem solved.........
Phhht. Supportive parents. Parents can't control kids – how are we supposed to blame others? We certainly aren't going to take responsibility for our own (in)actions! Get real.
Well Kurt, I certainly could control mine, and when I found out that he, and the little boy who lived next door to us, were tormenting the little girl from up the street, I jumped right in the middle of it and GOT INVOLVED. This girls mother came to me, hysterical, that my son and his friend – "Mark" – were bullying her daughter, and her daughter was now afraid – AFRAID! – to walk home from school. What do you think I should said to that mother? "Get over it." "Well, I experienced that too, and look how I turned out." AS IF!! No way, man. I went to "Mark"'s father and mother, and we had a big pow-wow. Now, granted we parents weren't really friends with this little girl's mother, but that didn't matter. We took our sons, marched them to the little girl's house, and made them apologize to the little girl and her parents. Then, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THAT LITTLE GIRL, we told her mother and father that if there was any more trouble, we wanted to hear about it IMMEDIATELY. My son and "Mark" were not allowed to play outside for a few weekends. I did not hear any more from that little girl and her parents, but I think about her often, and I hope with all my heart, she felt heard, supported, understood, and protected. I don't know how her life turned out, but it wasn't going to be hell-on-earth every day, just because MY son acted like a brat. It just wasn't going to happen. Not on MY watch.
Liza, hats off to you. You are a role model for parents who ignore their kid's behavior. May be those idiots are thinking their kids are getting stronger by bullying others.
I remember my younger brother who was good looking [just mentioning that the bullying was not about appearance] and a class leader [not a meek one], once being bullied unnecessary by 2 seniors from his school. It so happened that elder brother of one of the bullies was my schoolmate. So it took less than a snap to nullify this guy. For the other bully, my parents went to his home. His parents took immediate control and corrected him. And everything was fine afterwards.
We as parents can stop these things. Let us please check the 'Internet Usage' and 'Texting Usage' of our kids. God forbid, if one day we find that all these nice pricy gadgets have turned our kid into a bully or a victim.
Lisa. You are a true role-model. Great for you.
When I was young I was harassed in school because my family didn't have much money. I didn't have expensive jeans, Nike shoes, and I didn't have any of the new styles. I didn't get a lass ring, or a yearbook. I got teased for all of these things. When I was in junior high, I was a top student. I didn't get teased in jr. high because the students were from my neighborhood and many were in the same situation
When I went to high school is when the harassment started.It made me not want to go to school, and when I did go to school I did whatever I could to not stand out. Smart people and people who get good grades stand out and I did my best to not stand out. I loved baseball, and I was good, but I didn't try out for the same reason.
Many people don't understand the affects this bullying has. I would've been in the top of my class, and probably had some scholarships if it weren't for the bullying. I'm fine now. I have a decent job and a good family, but who knows what could've been if I had developed my full potential.
Those who say kids always tease and are teased and that these kids should grow thicker skins are obviously those same people who teased and/or have kids that do the teasing. They simply don't want to admit they were responsible for damaging someones life and/or their children are doing the same thing.
Absolutely. You are totally correct. Thank you for speaking up.
It is too bad to know that bullying included monetary affluence in your case. it should never happen to anybody. But it is great to see that you kept your head and grew up to become a nice individual. who knows how many lives might have wasted for the same. Kudos to you for speakin up.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyber_Bullying