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Battle over housework breeds stress
Dividing chores equally may help you and your partner avoid emotional and physical stress.
June 14th, 2012
02:44 PM ET

Battle over housework breeds stress

For many couples, the division of household chores is a hot-button issue that stirs up questions about the essential fairness, or unfairness, of their relationship.

Chores can stir up emotions, too. Unpaid domestic work can be physically demanding, monotonous and isolating, and when one partner - usually the woman - is responsible for the lion's share of the work, research has shown, that partner's mental health can suffer.

This fact was largely borne out in a new study of more than 700 Swedish men and women, published this week in the journal PLoS ONE. Predictably, the researchers found that 42-year-old women bear a greater burden of housework than their male counterparts, and also that they're more likely to experience restlessness,nervousness, anxiety and other symptoms of psychological distress.

But there was a catch: The link between stress and unequal household chores appeared to depend on other factors in the relationship, such as views on gender equality and the partners' relative socioeconomic position in society - how lucrative and prestigious their jobs are, for instance.

Health.com: 29 days to a healthier relationship

Study participants who did more than half of the domestic work in their household experienced psychological distress only if they also described their relationship as "not gender-equal." Those who viewed their relationship as gender equal - a broad term that could encompass equal rights in both public and private settings - did not seem bothered by having to do more housework than their partners.

Being confident that your partner views you as an equal may act as a buffer to the stress caused by extra chores, the authors suggest. If one partner contributes to the family in another way, such as by bringing in more money, than a couple may agree that an uneven distribution of housework is fair and appropriate.

If it gets out of whack, however, this balance of home-versus-work responsibilities may be problematic, even for the partner with the lighter load at home. Levels of psychological distress were higher among the participants, mostly men, who did less than half of the housework and also occupied a lower socioeconomic position than their partner - perhaps because this situation challenges commonly held beliefs about gender roles, the authors say.

Health.com: Secrets to a healthy (happy!) home

Rosalind Chait Barnett, Ph.D., a senior scientist at the Brandeis University Women's Studies Research Center, in Waltham, Massachusetts, says the study has some important weaknesses that need to be considered. The researchers, she points out, interviewed only one partner from each relationship, rather than couples, and didn't itemize the various categories of domestic work.

"One person may say they do all of the chores, but you don't have the other partner there to provide their own estimate," she says. "I may consider paying bills a household task, but you might not."

Barnett believes the type of chores assigned to each partner is a more useful predictor of psychological distress than the somewhat vague measures of gender equality and socioeconomic status used in the study. Her own research has shown that being in charge of "high-schedule-control tasks" - those that can be done at one's leisure - seem to cause less stress than "low-schedule-control tasks" that must be done at specific times.

Health.com: Stressed? 7 steps to instant calm

In other words, if one partner has to feed the kids at 6:00 every night while the other has to clean the garage and do laundry at some point during the week, the first partner will likely experience their chores as being more stressful.

"There seems to be more of an association between low-control tasks and psychological distress, and that goes for partners of either gender," Barnett says.

Gender and socioeconomic inequality may play a role, she adds, but they probably just exacerbate the stress associated with the various types of chores.

The study authors, led by Lisa Harryson at Umeå University, say their findings likely apply to the United States and other countries, not just Sweden. They note, however, that Sweden has an unusually large female workforce and a strong culture of gender equality, which may have shaped the results.

Copyright Health Magazine 2011


soundoff (85 Responses)
  1. zaphed

    What if one partner is the sole bread winner? Does she/he have to share in the house work?

    June 14, 2012 at 15:09 | Report abuse | Reply
    • riley

      Are we saying the other person is not doing any work or just doing unpaid work? I can tell you working 40 hours a week with no household or child duties is much easier than the house and kids. So, I'd say that being the only one to make money doesn't mean that the day ends at 5pm. I am sure it means that the household childcare is not split 50/50 though. Now if you are saying the other spouse has kids and house duties 8 am to 5pm Monday through Friday and all other time is free then that seems fair. Otherwise from 5pm to 8am it should be split close to equal and on the weekends.

      June 14, 2012 at 16:28 | Report abuse |
    • Katie

      Does that bread winner live in the same house? I would think yes, the sole bread winner should be expected to at least clean up after himself. That means – putting his dirty laundry into the hamper, hanging up his used towel, wiping up his spills in the bathroom, cleaning up in the kitchen if he gets himself a snack – and guys, that includes wiping the counter and table – and putting away everything he takes out – dishes, food, clothes, games, newspapers, mail, the change from his pocket. There's nothing more arrogant than the sole bread winner sneering about how he brings home the bacon and therefore shouldn't "have to" do anything around the house except dirty it up.

      June 14, 2012 at 19:49 | Report abuse |
    • Anna

      i have a friend who is the sole bread winner and she does 90% of the housework

      June 14, 2012 at 23:03 | Report abuse |
    • ASadDad

      I was one of the dads that did about 20% of the household and brought home the majority of income, my wife worked part time but did just about everything but take care of the kids at night – which is something that I would love to do. Now she is wanting to split up cause she has had enough of me not helping her out enough around the house – I have done a complete 180 and take care of just about everything she used to (trash/laudrey/dry cleaning/ dishes/ cooking u name it) but I am afraid she is at her end. I have written her love letters experiencing the changes and have followed up with my actions of change in every manner possible – I just had no clue how important all of this was to her which was due to major lack of communication on both parts and her just reaching her point – Guys/Fathers – do everything you can to make your wives happy and to listen to what she wants not what you think she wants which was my major mistake. You dont want to go through this pain. I hope she has a change of heart but she is still pushing to split up after 10 years of marriage and 2 kids – whcih the last year I really screwed up and didnt help nearly as much as the years before (which I did do a lot) – which has now pushed her over the edge.

      June 15, 2012 at 09:38 | Report abuse |
    • More than chores

      I use to work and do *all* the house chores including mowing and trimming the yard. Yes, I was exhausted and sometimes miffed my husband sometimes mentioned dinner being late and I could do some chore later, but as this article states, I knew he was worked as hard (on call 24/7) and he did treat me as an equal and he wouldn't complain if the dishes got left.

      Why we lasted 26 years (until he died) is because *every* single day I knew I mattered to him and if I needed a rest he had my back and he knew I had his. Being bonded team mates is what makes it so much easier to plow through the exhaustion and get back up instead of give up. He said it was the same for him (and maybe other guys as well). So it's treating your mate as you hope to be treated. That simple. My man was d*mn good at that. It's not just the chores alone guys.

      June 15, 2012 at 17:56 | Report abuse |
    • LEB

      Do they live in the house? Then yes.

      If you're an adult and have a home, then you take care of your home. End of story. If one partner works more hours than the other, then obviously it makes sense for the partner who has more time to do more housework, but that still doesn't abdicate the other partner from all responsibilities. If partners work equal hours, then the work should be equally shared, even if one partner makes $100,000 a year and the other makes a fraction of that. It's about TIME, not who earns more.

      June 18, 2012 at 02:57 | Report abuse |
    • olga

      I am a 80 yr old women who does all the chores. Husband is retired and 6 yrs younger and does very little. I am tired and wish I had more time to read more and meet new friends.

      September 3, 2012 at 01:15 | Report abuse |
    • Overworked Man

      My wife feels that the sole bread winner should not share in the house work, he should do it all :(

      I am sole bread winner, take care of large yard, take care of the dogs during nights and weekends (no kids).

      She washes clothes and an occasional dish. And spends time on facebook.

      October 8, 2013 at 16:04 | Report abuse |
  2. suhasini

    Your post seems to consider the problem from one direction alone . What abt when the man and woman work and yet there in inequality in who takes care of doing the stress ful chores as mentioned in the post. We should also consider cultures from around the world like Asia for instance..

    June 14, 2012 at 15:10 | Report abuse | Reply
    • TheRealDoris

      I've heard of study results showing that when a woman gets married she automatically takes on 4 additional hours of work per day, and I believe it. This is where the women's movement of my generation took us – bringing home the bacon, frying it up, and then doing everyone's dirty dishes afterward. In fact, I know of many women who are the main breadwinners with at-home husbands, and still the women hold down the domestic chores. To which I can only say, what's the matter with us women?

      June 14, 2012 at 15:38 | Report abuse |
    • riley

      Thats why many of us single educated women say no thanks. I did that for 10 years and it was 10 years way to long.

      June 14, 2012 at 16:29 | Report abuse |
    • It goes both ways

      I say this not as an anti-feminist, but the women's movement left a lot of complications behind. Say what you will about the stereotypical traditional family of the 50s, but it did work in some respects. Clear division of labor was at least that. So why does it go both ways? TheRealDoris, I get your point. But how about women who marry reasonably well-to-do professionals and decide they no longer need to work (or work as much) but still expect 50/50 split of household chores, as much or more say in financial decisions, etc. Because I've seen a lot of that. My wife works full-time, and though she earns much less than I do, I know she works just as hard. And I think we do a good job of splitting up domestic duties. But I have one friend in particular with a lazy wife (in all respects) who is also very controlling. And she'll be the first to sing the virtues of feminism.

      June 14, 2012 at 18:06 | Report abuse |
    • stink

      Marriage is a contract in which a woman sells herself as a mate.where do equal rights come in?

      June 16, 2012 at 09:36 | Report abuse |
  3. Momof2kids

    Try being the only person bringing in an income AND doing all the household chores. My husband got laid off during the recession and does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING around the house all day. I get two kids off to school, go to work, pick one up from childcare (yeah, he won't watch her after kindergarten either so I am out $$ for that), run to the grocery store, make dinner, serve dinner, clean up dinner, throw a load of laundry in, clean up the worst of the mess in the house, get the little one to bath and bed, finish the load of laundry, clean up some more, help the older one with his homework, and collapse into bed. Then I start again at 6am the next morning.

    June 14, 2012 at 15:22 | Report abuse | Reply
    • keepinitreal

      you need to divorce him. he is using you and has no appreciation.

      June 14, 2012 at 15:53 | Report abuse |
    • riley

      Uhm why not say heck no? You do have a choice.

      June 14, 2012 at 16:30 | Report abuse |
    • Tony

      You have allowed him to make you his slave.

      June 14, 2012 at 17:12 | Report abuse |
    • Momofthree

      Momof2 – What you're going through is NOT fair. It is quite a burden on you to have to do everything. But, if you love your husband, please realize that he is probably deeply depressed and beating himself up for failing to provide for his family. It's not your job to pull him out of his funk, but I hope you won't bail on him too quickly. It might be appropriate for you to give him an ultimatum about getting help. If he refuses to help himself, then you may want to consider moving on – it might be the motivation he needs to get himself out of the funk.

      June 14, 2012 at 18:51 | Report abuse |
    • Anna

      divorce him he is using you

      June 14, 2012 at 23:05 | Report abuse |
    • cwade

      Kick that bum to the curb. Why should he get a free lunch? Not to mention he obviously doesn't give a darn about you.

      June 18, 2012 at 11:54 | Report abuse |
    • Mike

      Wow! You are amazing for doing all of that. If you have not confronted him and communicated all this to him you definitely should. And if some serious change of heart and action does not come from his end, bring close friends and family in to help him realize his faults. You are so tough, help him see that and from his love for you he will change.

      June 18, 2012 at 14:30 | Report abuse |
    • Mstagner

      I'm going through the same thing. No kids but I work 70 hours a week and bf works 20-25 a week. Guess who does all the housework? Is it so much to expect a clean house when I get home?

      December 12, 2013 at 21:03 | Report abuse |
  4. Oh how lovely

    Holy cow mom of 2 kids sounds more like you're mom of 3! Perhaps it's time to move on. That's in no way fair at all. Many people would say well then they don't have a dad. Well, it sounds like they don't have a dad anyway. It's very sad when people have no interest in their children they have no idea how much they miss out on. Often times people are not motivated to do something about their present situation until the other partner has left. Usually by then it is too late. When animosity turns to straight disgust.

    June 14, 2012 at 15:35 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Katie

      Seriously? You hear that the husband is not pulling his weight and your advice is to move on?? What is wrong with you that marriage is disposable to you?

      I think this Momof2 needs a serious re-evaluation of how much she is enabling this guy. If she continues to clean and cook and earn the money he will never get off his butt. Start by voicing your concern, guys are clueless. he may have no idea how you feel. Yeah, it's obvious to us, but not to them. Then start by giving him small chores that you can do together – fold laundry together and if he doesn't do it perfectly – don't tell him! Just encourage him to do it. Maybe you can bathe your little one together.
      You will not see immediate changes, but you didn't get into this mess overnight either. You know you husband and why you married him, so that person is still there just a little lost. And nothing happens in a vacuum, this behavior has been encouraged over the years whether consciously or subconsciously. I hope you will reap all the blessings that marriage can offer. This is a free professional counseling advice.

      June 14, 2012 at 15:51 | Report abuse |
    • riley

      katie I agree, but there is a very good chance she has and he has said so what. Yes men are clueless sometimes and women are enablers but I am willing to bet he knows and has said so what.

      June 14, 2012 at 16:31 | Report abuse |
  5. BigDaddy

    I am a disabled Dad who does all the housework so my wife can be an RN Manager of OR and has no chores to do whence she gets home.However a little help now and then would be welcome as it gets overwhelming sometimes.Especially when I get sick...My wife has no responsibilites outside work...

    June 14, 2012 at 15:59 | Report abuse | Reply
    • riley

      I agree. Male or female, both should be doing some work at home even if they work outside the home

      June 14, 2012 at 16:32 | Report abuse |
    • Anna

      keeping you alive sounds like work to me

      June 14, 2012 at 23:07 | Report abuse |
    • LEB

      Talk to her about it. Even if all she does is check to see if the dishes need to be put away at night or a load of towels thrown in the laundry, it helps. Marriage is a partnership, no matter who brings home the paycheck.

      June 18, 2012 at 03:02 | Report abuse |
  6. AngelaD

    I am a stay at home and I do most of the domestic work, of course. I think it is a pretty fair arrangement, considering that my husband works sometimes up to 80 hrs a week. The only time I get upset is when one of the kids but also him is extremely inconsiderate and cause extra work. i.e. waking in the house with muddy cleats. On the other hand I appreciate it if they do some of "my" tasks like cleaning the toilet bowl. :-)

    June 14, 2012 at 16:03 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Katie

      I hear you. I was a stay at home mom for a long time and I did all the housework. I truly didn't mind that he didn't do it, I was home, I had more time, and frankly, my standards are a LOT higher. However, there's nothing worse than a nice clean house that's cluttered up within fifteen minutes of his coming home – dirt tracked in, discarded shoes/socks/shirts on chairs and floors, pockets emptied out onto counters, mail ripped open and bits of it left in various places in three different rooms (and God forbid he should rip up the junk mail and then throw it away, better to leave the ripped pieces in a pile on the mantle or someplace), water glasses/coffee cups/snack plates left out to be hunted down...

      June 14, 2012 at 20:06 | Report abuse |
    • KateB

      Your spouses coming in and trashing the spotless house, leaving trash and dirty dishes laying about, clothing discarded wherever...sounds like an overgrown 13-year-old boy, not a grown man/husband/father etc.

      When my husband and I first moved in together, he couldn't even put the milk back in the 'fridge or wipe up coffee-ring spills, boil water, or do a load of laundry...his SAHM waited on him and his brothers and so he was clueless. We both work full-time, professional jobs (no kids, a few pets).

      I refused to clean up after him, I'd just go around his messes, and it looked WEIRD with everything else spotless (it almost killed me, I like a tidy home) but I continued to do my agreed-upon tasks like clockwork (laundry (IF he put it in the basket, stuff not in the basket was "invisible"), all cooking (I am a good cook...hehe), bill paying/tax preparation/investments, gardening, etc.) and he eventually had to hold up his end or look like a lazy-butt. He now just does things (needs a reminder once-in-a-great-while) but overall things run much-more smoothly.

      A big help has been calling in a cleaning team once-a-year to do a super scrub of the house top to bottom. It costs about $400 but afterwards it's a dream to keep up.

      June 17, 2012 at 07:39 | Report abuse |
  7. Oh how lovely

    I still stand by what I said. Perhaps it's time to move on. Perhaps move out or have him move out. He obviously has no desire to change at this point. And yeah of course you ask for help first. But really it sounds as if mom of 3 is blue in the face from asking for "help". Obviously. He will not even watch their own child so she must pay for childcare also. I wouldn't keep that life sucking leechy louse in the house another day. And that is why I say move on if not permanently at least until he decides to change. People will not change over night of course and sometimes they never will. But doing the same thing day after day and just being resentful about it won't change things either. Stick it out marriage is supposed to be miserable yeah right. Your spouse is not with you because they have to be, they are with you because they choose to be.
    No one is obligated to live a miserable life.

    June 14, 2012 at 17:01 | Report abuse | Reply
  8. Oh how lovely

    I have many friends that are in the same situation. They have all said they do not feel like the parent they could be. One got her own place and her husband immediately started helping more. But it may be a little late for him at this point. Another re married and the step dad is an amazing father who loves the children and shows them they are a priority in his life. The children's father still shows no interest in his own children. Sometimes sticking it out isn't always the answer.

    June 14, 2012 at 17:05 | Report abuse | Reply
  9. purplepear

    Apt article to whats happening with middle-class career women these days. They need to work to make ends meet but still need to perform all the chores at home because thats how its been done traditionally (being married to boys who grew up in such traditional setting expect the same from their wives).

    June 14, 2012 at 17:15 | Report abuse | Reply
  10. JJStuart

    I know this can be very true; my wife is disabled and I have all of the chores, including taking care of my wife and the three kids, on my plate. I work outside the home 40 miles away and that doesn't make it any easier. I have a 10 room house and all that comes with that. Honestly there are days I leave the house at 7 AM and don't get finished doing things untill 11PM. The thought of having any time for myself is as foreign as the thought of being in an earthquake (I live in the Midwest). The stress has caused me to have a stroke and a cardiac arrest, both of which I survived. It's a wonder I haven't lost my mind yet...

    June 14, 2012 at 18:07 | Report abuse | Reply
    • neepsandtats

      Goodness! That is a LOT for one person to shoulder. Bless your heart – stay strong.

      June 14, 2012 at 18:29 | Report abuse |
    • Anna

      get other members of the family to help out more

      June 14, 2012 at 23:09 | Report abuse |
    • KateB

      My father was caretaker for my mom (Lou Gehrigs) for 8 years. We called on help from extended family for house-chores once-a-week or twice-a-month, and went through a home-care service to give my dad much-needed breaks a few times a week as well.

      Ask you wife's doctor about homecare options (if that's what she needs), family and friends too, even if it's just picking up groceries once in awhile or running a few errands - sometimes even a few hours outside the home, doing something for yourself can be mana to the spirit.

      You sound like a good husband and father, but you need to ask for help before you burn out.

      June 17, 2012 at 07:48 | Report abuse |
  11. neepsandtats

    Interesting article – it doesn't really apply to, or help me, though. I work 40 hours a week in an office. I have a son with a man who works at home, and my husband serves as both babysitter and freelancer. When it comes to chores, I do the cooking, laundry, dishes, take the trash – admittedly, we don't do dusting much, and vacuuming/sweeping just gets done whenever there's time/energy to do so. I constantly resent my husband for not jumping in to help me with the everyday stuff I do, but each time I try – even when I use a gentle, non-confrontational approach – I'm rebuffed by his response of, "well, I stay home with the kid." Trust me, if I could switch places and be the child carer, I would do it in a heartbeat – I'd do that AND whatever chores necessary. But, traditional "woman at home, man at work" is a no-go, and so I'm stuck in 40 hours a week + doing 90% of the housework purgatory. *sigh*

    June 14, 2012 at 18:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Katie

      Sad, right? When I cook supper, which is 95% of the time, I often do the dishes & clean-up afterward because he disappears. The nights he cooks, he tells me he cooked and therefore I should do the dishes & clean-up. Even when our kids were very little and I wore them in slings or back packs all day, I found time to clean the house. Of course, if he"babysits", he can't get anything done...

      June 14, 2012 at 20:00 | Report abuse |
  12. Katie

    It's even worse when one person works full time outside the home and the other person works part time outside the house. The part timer is expected to do the bulk, if not all, the housework because the other one really makes the money and the part timer has "days off." My favorite thing is when my full-time-outside-the-home husband offered to "help" if I just told him what to do and I asked he thought I was "helping" him when I washed his very dirty work clothes or when I made the bed that he slept in too. He looked surprised and then just asked what I wanted him to do. I told him I wanted him to clean too because he lived here too and he "helped" make things dirty.

    June 14, 2012 at 19:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  13. MashaSobaka

    The sooner we destroy gender roles, the better off our species is going to be. Period.

    June 14, 2012 at 20:24 | Report abuse | Reply
  14. AJD13

    I think some of the psychological burden, especially for women who are homemakers/stay at home moms is the feeling that we NEVER get to leave work, we're NEVER off the clock. I know I feel that way quite often. Even on family vacations it doesn't feel like a "vacation" because I'm doing a lot of the same things especially when we go camping and rent a cabin with a kitchenette so that we can save money by not eating out and taking care of the kids....and due to being a one income household of course there's no money for a vacation without the kids.

    June 15, 2012 at 01:09 | Report abuse | Reply
  15. DLN

    How about this: Stay single, work 40 – 50 hours per week, and have to do ALL the housework, yard work, childcare, etc. BY YOURSELF. I'm sorry, but boo hoo to those whining about their partner not "splitting the chores with them". Even if they are only doing 10% of the work, you're still way ahead of someone being single. Rejoice in that fact and quit belly aching.

    June 15, 2012 at 07:03 | Report abuse | Reply
    • LoveCO

      I've been on both sides...single, raising a small child, working 40 hours per week, all the responsibility on me. Now the child is grown and on his own, I'm remarried (22 years now) and work 40 hours per week at home. Husband works 32-40 hours per week away from home but I still do 95% of the housework. He thinks because I work from home that it's ok for me to do all the housework, but he has only a 20 minute commute each way to work. All I ask is that he clean up his own messes in the kitchen, pick up his dirty clothes, put away his laundry, but most of the time he doesn't. Being a single parent was less work because my son was taught by me that I am NOT his maid, and he was responsible for his own messes. It's like I have a 50-something child on my hands.

      June 15, 2012 at 11:38 | Report abuse |
  16. EdL

    Men, let's put on our apirons and enjoy. For myself when the door bell rings I remove my apiron. I am not proud of myself, I keep my woman-leaning endeavors to myself and will not admit my household chores to anyone (other than the readers of this admission.)

    June 15, 2012 at 11:30 | Report abuse | Reply
  17. JudgeDB

    So how do you split chores fairly? Do you base it on the amount of time the chore takes, the amount of effort that goes into it, is it based on the person's ability or who is good at doing certain chores, etc? Do you rotate chores so each person has to do each chore at some point? Who decides that the chore was completed to satisfaction? How many women here will trade dusting the house or driving the kids to practice with mowing/edging the yard, changing the oil in the car, or carrying around all the heavy stuff like a mule?

    June 15, 2012 at 11:45 | Report abuse | Reply
  18. Nicole

    I started my husband on his laundry by getting him his own hamper and asking him to do his own laundry. It took about 2 years to get him to do this. I'd have to pull his laundry out of my hamper. When he asked me to do a load of his laundry, I'd gently remind him that he did his own laundry now. It's been about 10 years, so now if he asks me to throw in a load it's because he is doing something else. I don't mind now, but back then, I had to put my foot down. I also gather up his "stuff" and place it into a pile in the basement. He doesn't do dishes more than once or twice a month – same with cooking. He doesn't clean, either, but I've been establishing chores for our children, so I don't have to do everything. With all of this, I'll admit to a lot of resentment still because he hasn't been much for doing anything around the house. But at least I'm not feeling quite so overwhelmed.

    June 15, 2012 at 12:17 | Report abuse | Reply
  19. Victor

    First off – as a man, anybody who doesn't pull 50% of his weight is a lady b#stard and should be smacked in face;

    Second off – many women – not all – but many – become so nit picky about the housework and kid duties – demanding that it be done their way all the time – that it just discourages many men to even trying. Women before you get so demanding simply put yourself in the other's place...maybe his standards of clenliness are different, etc., two people need to compromisie or don't be surprised when he says the heck with it and watches the game.

    Third off – there is a great series this weekend between the Nats and the Yanks...so this guy will be watching the game.
    :)

    June 15, 2012 at 15:10 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Mel

      You are absolutely right. Many men will pretend to do something wrong so their wives will just step in and take over. It's best just to let them do it on their own, even if they do a crummy job.

      June 15, 2012 at 18:34 | Report abuse |
    • AJD13

      Actually my husband is the nit picky one that nothing is ever right for. Constantly nagging. Always saying that to get anything done he has to do it himself. Can't stand if there's a crumb on the counter. I'm the one that usually says "the heck with it" and goes and does something else.

      June 16, 2012 at 05:22 | Report abuse |
    • LEB

      I actually agree with your second point. We women do tend to have higher standards and to want things done "our way," and I agree that some female partners probably unintentionally discourage their mates (and also kids) from helping out because they don't "do it right." I know that the way my husband loads the dishwasher drives me NUTS! Despite being a programming whiz, his spacial awareness skills seem horribly lacking. But, I make myself put up with his inefficient arranging of dishes, because hey, the things are getting washed and *I* don't have to do it, which in the end makes me happy. Pick your battles, ladies!

      June 18, 2012 at 03:09 | Report abuse |
  20. JanetMermaid

    Sorry... but testing testing testing

    My posts are disappearing with no comment about "pending approval".

    June 16, 2012 at 08:53 | Report abuse | Reply
  21. JanetMermaid

    Men (it's almost always men) need to grow up and realize that housework isn't "women's work". I actually had a man complain that he didn't like cleaning bathrooms so why should he have to do it. Seriously? You think women LIKE cleaning bathrooms? We do it because it has to be done. Get your lazy tushes off the sofa and help. Divide up the "icky" chores so both of you do a share of those. Then do them on a schedule so she doesn't have to remind you.

    My husband was perfectly happy to help - floors, litter boxes, dishes - but he kept forgetting the not-every-day-chores. He also didn't understand why I got angry at having to be his "secretary" and remind him. He finally set up calendar reminders so his phone pings him each morning with that days chore. He's happy. I'm happy. The house is at peace.

    In general..... Men can walk past a dirty floor, filthy commode, or stinky litter box and not even notice them. Women can't understand this at all. So men, don't just offer to help (you DO live there too) - don't require her to remind you to do your part either.

    June 16, 2012 at 09:03 | Report abuse | Reply
  22. JanetMermaid

    Really? My post was originally censored because I used the words s k a n k y and t o i l e t?

    June 16, 2012 at 09:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  23. Pat

    As a widow, I have raised my children 18 years by myself since they were 4 and 5 years old .... all the work yours to do – everyday. All of it .... can any of you complain?

    June 16, 2012 at 09:16 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Sara

      Nope, I can't complain, but I can call you a waaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance.

      June 17, 2012 at 15:50 | Report abuse |
  24. jerryc

    Housework is a breeze now days. I can't believe lazy azz American women gripe about having to put dishes in a dishwasher and clothes in a dryer. They should have seen what my grandmother had to do.

    June 16, 2012 at 09:58 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Gene

      Still more than what you and your grandpa have/had to do?

      June 17, 2012 at 15:51 | Report abuse |
  25. tacc2

    PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

    Stop marrying people you aren't compatible with! And definitely don't have children with them! You're better off by yourself than in a crappy marriage.

    June 16, 2012 at 10:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  26. eroteme

    If a man is a man, doing his wife's chores will indeed cause him stress, and in turn cause stress in their marriage.

    June 16, 2012 at 12:28 | Report abuse | Reply
    • Linda

      So women are supposed to worry about men's fragile egos in addition to doing everything else?!

      June 17, 2012 at 00:13 | Report abuse |
  27. Jules

    I am now Divorced... I was a stay at home mom of 3 special needs kids. My ex was the one working and bring home the paycheck. He worked 35-60 hour weeks all depending. He was in construction. I did the house work and took care of the kids. I did asked many of times for help around the house or even a break from the kids. I got "I dont understand why you cant do this woman do this all the time". This was also during a time when all three boys had no diagnosis or anything.

    June 17, 2012 at 01:33 | Report abuse | Reply
  28. Sara

    After bickering about this with my husband, we made a chart. He did the majority of the chart, listing chores that needed to be done and assigning point values. I lobbied for a few additions and changes, and we arrived at a chart we both agreed on. We checked off chores and totaled points at the end of the week, with the agreement that the loser owed the winner a night out. If you were losing, there were "extra points" cards you could do to catch up. I won every week but one.

    June 17, 2012 at 21:20 | Report abuse | Reply
  29. T J Vinson

    Sorry folks, the only woman I have ever in my entire life seen do any kind of domestic chores was my mother, since I have been out in the world on my own I have not seen a single woman lift a finger to do any kind of work, oh, does bumping your gums and popping off at the mouth count?

    June 18, 2012 at 10:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  30. edith

    My husband of thirty years thought that since he worked a 9-5 job that he had no other responsibilities except to come home and put his feet up after the day. I was a stay at home mom with six kids. He did nothing...he said that my job was 24/7...home, kids, lawn, schooling etc...he even bough the kids a big dog without my knowledge which then became my responsibility. Got rid of the dog two years later, got rid of the hubby and life is a lot better.Before I stayed home with the kids I was in a marketing roll for a fast growing company, worked 60 hours a week and still was responsible for 75 percent of the chores.....

    June 18, 2012 at 11:04 | Report abuse | Reply
  31. edith

    and I m the first to admit that I was a fool for staying around so long...........

    June 18, 2012 at 11:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  32. MysteriaKiito

    I do a majority of the housework but I put my foot down and started making the kids clean their own bedrooms(I still vacuum and every once a while do a more thorough cleaning). My husband, though, still tends to let his chores sit... and sit... and sit... until I get fed up and do it myself. He usually just has to take out the garbage and every once in a while I do ask him to do dishes. Some nights he makes dinner for himself and the kids because I am dieting and what he and the kids eat, I can't eat. We agreed from the beginning of my diet that nights he wanted something unhealthy he'd have to make it since I'd be too tempted(I sometimes have to leave while he's cooking because it smells so yummy!). But on those nights he wants something specific that I can't eat, he'll put it off for hours and by the time he does get up it's because I've gone into the kitchen and just started making the kids a can of spaghettios or chicken nuggets because they're crying for food. The last thing he does is help with laundry because I'm terrified of carrying the laundry basket up and down the stairs(it's really steep!). But after he's brought it down I load the washers and dryers, change them, and fold everything.

    He's the only one that works, yes, but he has a minimal amount of work to do at home and we both agreed on the work load. His procrastination on some things makes it harder for me to get MY work done. If the garbage isn't taken out, how am I supposed to clean the mess of paper the kids created? If the laundry isn't taken down to the laundry room, I can't load it, can't fold it. Or I have to risk falling down the stairs with a basket that's too heavy for me. And of course his procrastination on the nights he wants to eat something unhealthy that I cannot eat means I'm making two meals(I usually only take out enough to defrost for myself since that's the plan), one for myself and one for the kids because he's too busy playing some video game to get off his butt and make the dinner he planned. If he'd just eat the healthy stuff I make we wouldn't have that issue at all.

    June 18, 2012 at 13:34 | Report abuse | Reply
  33. James in Atlanta

    LOL...I laughed so hard, I think I wet myself! My wife almost choked on her glass of white wine when she heard it. I WIN!!!! Loving life in Atlanta. Honey, I think you missed a spot...and don't forget to take the garbage out tonight! I wonder what channel the game is on? ;?)

    October 2, 2012 at 16:56 | Report abuse | Reply
  34. Lavinia Durrant

    I think that sharing the housework makes for better harmony between the couple be it male and female or same sex relationships. Leaving it all to one person breeds discontent as some of these comments have said. Yes I agree to a degree if one of the partnership is at home all day and the other is out at work most of the chores etc should be done by the stay at home half of the relationship. But in saying that I still think the one who works should still give a hand with the housework at weekends. Housework can be stressful if it worries you and if you leave it to long it is double the amount of work and harder to cope with. Some people I know love housework and do it everyday and are very houseproud and spend hours cleaning. I like a tidy and clean home but I don't like to keep cleaning day in and day out. A happy medium is the best answer if you can find one.

    April 15, 2013 at 16:55 | Report abuse | Reply
  35. Leroy Odem

    If you’re traveling to another country, take some local currency. In some places, it can be difficult to get your money exchanged outside of regular business hours. You can go to any large bank and exchange foreign currency before you go to the airport.`,

    With best thoughts
    <http://www.caramoan.co

    May 6, 2013 at 02:19 | Report abuse | Reply
  36. Carole Heath

    HOUSEWORK can be very boring at times but I have heard it can keep you fit and burns off excess fat. I am retired now 65 years old. I used to work in an office. Some people think that once you retire you have nothing to do. Believe it or not I seem to work harder now at home than when I worked trying to combine working and looking after the home. To keep the home running smoothly take time and effort I think. Housework isn't just women's work men should also contribute they live there as well. Of course it depends on who is at home the most and the arrangements which the people involved have agreed on. .I think if most of the housework is left to one person it can cause arguments and stress and that does not make a good relationship.

    August 6, 2013 at 08:36 | Report abuse | Reply
  37. anaserene

    Stories such as momof2's are all too common these days, with women now the main breadwinner in 4 out 10 households and still doing the majority of "invisible" domestic work. This is simply unsustainable for family stability and positive child outcomes. The manchild phenomenon is putting a new twist to the meaning of deadbeat. With divorce rates skyrocketing and the younger generation's anti-marriage "hookup" culture, the US faces quite a mess of a future.

    August 6, 2013 at 09:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  38. lucy

    i just want to share my testimony here.. i was married for 15 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the life of my husband.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned me and my 5 kids.. so someone told me about trying love spell to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster called dr. ogala spell…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he cast the spell, after 3 days that he told me, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man help, his email address Ogalalovespell@gmail.com his spells is for a better life.

    September 6, 2013 at 08:12 | Report abuse | Reply
  39. tricial4

    Hello,everyone i am from Canada i never ever believed in spell until i meet a man called dr ogala who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married with two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you dr ogala for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his email is Ogalalovespell@gmail.com, may the lord continue to use you to save people as you did to me, He is the best spell caster that can help you.

    September 6, 2013 at 08:16 | Report abuse | Reply
  40. tizzy

    I am Mrs tizzy from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband Williams Jack, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to London he meant a lady called Mary?, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend miss Lina and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr tata who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 3 days. Miss Lina ask me to contact Dr tata. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by Three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr tata on any problem in this world, he is very nice man, here is his contact dHe is the best spell caster how can help you within three days. tataspellcaster@gmail.com

    September 11, 2013 at 13:27 | Report abuse | Reply
  41. Kate Moore

    Hello I am Kate Moore ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Dr ogun the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Dr ogun about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Dr ogun at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: oguntemple@gmail.com. and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: oguntemple@gmail.com

    September 11, 2013 at 13:31 | Report abuse | Reply
  42. I'mRight

    Booohooooo I'm a woman and I want equal respect and rights. Well listen up ladies the only way you're going to get that is to make more money then the man in your life. Because face it, money runs everything. And both the man and woman made plenty of money they could hire a god damn house keeper and have plenty of time to spend with the kids. Ignorant families...

    October 31, 2013 at 09:42 | Report abuse | Reply
    • joyce

      My name is Mrs joyce from united kingdom i got married at the age of 30 i have only one child and i was living happily .After 5 year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don't really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dreams of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail i cry seeking for help i discussed it with my best friend and she promise to help me he told me of a man called PRINCE AYAWU, he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot do that is why they call him the great doctor. I contacted him And i told him everything that happen all he told me is that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 4 days my husband will come back to me and start begging, it really happen i was very surprise and very happy our relationship was now very tight and we both live happily again.So my advice for you now is to contact this same email address templeofgreatness@gmail.com if you are in any kind of situation concerning love issues and any other things that give you problems contact him.
      THANKS..

      December 9, 2013 at 16:43 | Report abuse |
  43. Monica Maxwell

    Hello to every one out here,Am Monica Maxwell, from United States am here to shear my the unexpected miracle that has happen to me few days ago, I came across a post online talking about how she got her ex back to her with the help of the great spell caster who happens to be high Dr OSIAN, that he helped her though i never believe this because i was just wondering how could this be, but i gave my self hope and i contact the spell caster. this is the unbelievable that has happened to me this December I was happily married and we had three kids, we lived together as one because we both loved each other but before i knew it, my husband started acting funny and cheating on me later on, he told me that he cannot continue with me so that was how he left me and my three kids without noting but there was noting i could do to stop him or bring him back to me I work so had to pay the children's schools fee and other responsibility i did this for good five years. I cry all day and night because i don't know what else to do to have my husband back to me until this faithful day i saw the post from on one site a woman testifying how the high priest helped her to get her ex back I just wanted to try my luck because i never believe it will work but to my greatest surprise, am singing a new song i contacted the great priest on 2nd of December and he told me not to worry because once he finish caster the spell, that i will get my husband back the unbelievable happened on Friday when i got a call and I was surprise to hear my husbands voice apologizing to me that he is so sorry for keeping alone and came back home and we are happy together again wow, i really appreciate your good work great Dr OSIAN, God bless you and your good work for there noting else i can say than to tell the world about you. So if any one is out here seeing this post and you have similar issue like this, worry no more and contact the only man that can help you this email:osianspelltemple@yahoo.com

    February 11, 2014 at 00:35 | Report abuse | Reply
  44. Dan

    With all due respect to all stay at home mommies and daddies, when your spouse is pulling a 56 hour work week, 10 – 13 hour days of back breaking labor, then yes his/her day ends when he/she comes home. When I come home to an unkempt house after working 13 hours of steel work, i'm generally pretty angry that it's not clean. I don't say anything to my spouse because I don't want to hurt any feelings. My weekends are spent recuperating sore back, knees, arms, you name it. I barely want to move. I will say, that in order for YOU to say "you never help me keep this place clean." you better not be sitting on the couch, watching TV all day while I'm at work breaking my back to earn our rent. I understand housekeeping is hard work, but in my case, it's rather easy compared to what i do M-F and sometimes Sats.

    February 28, 2014 at 19:10 | Report abuse | Reply
  45. Amaria

    Hello everyone i know how you all feel, but i want to also tell you in this Forum that you too can have a good relationship because my ex-boyfriend and i also had issues, My Name is Maria (mariaalejandro26@ yahoo. com) i was by my Ex- Boyfriend dumped me 2 months ago after I caught him having an affair with my best friend and i insulted him then we broke up. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confused and didn’t know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony of how a Love Psychic help them to get their ex back so I contacted the Love Psychic and explain my problems to him….. He cast a spell for me and assure me that after one week that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise after 5days my Pedro Alejandro came knocking on my door and begging for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr. John, you are truly talented and gifted. He is the only answer to any relationship problem. He can be of great help to you and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man contact him through his
    Email address ( usuokhaspiritualtemple@gmail.com )
    Whatsapp or Tel: +2348072034149

    March 27, 2014 at 02:54 | Report abuse | Reply
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